Cousin Waseem
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Mr. IrresistibleChapter 9: "Breaking What Was Fixed?" free porn video
I think if I could become anyone in the world, I would have to choose John Stamos. He has the entire world playing to his tune. Ever since Full House, my entire generation has admired him for being the "cool uncle," his wife Rebecca Romajin looks like a fucking goddess and is extremely rich, and all he ever does is make 10-10-220 commercials. How can you beat that? If heaven is half that good, it will live up to its fame. His life is so simple and yet so divine, all at the same time. I would kill to be that dude.
"Have a jolly jolly day sir, and please come again." I always like to slap on heavy amounts of sarcasm and smile like a jerk when I say the store's tag line. It's the only way to say something as ridiculous as "jolly." However, my jolly jolly manager Todd dislikes this because, "It dispels the store's credibility" or some shit like that. I honestly don't know how people like him derive joy out of anything. Ah fuck him. If he doesn't like the way I deal with customers, he can suck my jolly jolly balls.
"Hey Cam..."
"What!" I snapped back before he could even finish. God I hate Todd. He frowned at my yell and put his hands on his waist, pouting. Pushing up his glasses, he prepared to speak.
"Cam, do we really have to..."
"What do you want Todd?" I was in a more-than-shitty mood tonight and people named "Todd" just piss me off to begin with. This was not the time for a lecture. He apparently gave up and turned his back to me as he started typing on his computer again.
"Can you fill up the candy racks Cam, they're starting to run out of nutter-butters." Holy Shit! Not nutter-butters! I glanced down and saw a large metal Swingline stapler on the desk next to me. With a good toss, I think I could kill him.
"Sure bossman," I said, and forced myself to put the stapler back down. He tossed me the keys to the backroom as I walked passed him and I started wishing I was still at home. Up until an hour ago, this day was going pretty damn well. Having to go to work was just not what I ought to be doing right now. It all started last night, just as I was returning home. The eerie shadows cast by traffic lights highlighted the small wistful shapes of birds as they flew to the light out of the encroaching darkness. The winds whistled through the treetops and the tiny hairs on the back of my neck were unnaturally aroused. The powerful force of uncertainty hung like a rain-cloud over...
"Excuse me sir, how much is this tape?" I turned around sharply and saw the face of a young man with his date, holding a copy of "Snow Falling on Cedars". Why the fuck would he want to buy that?
"It's three, six, one ninety-five," I replied sincerely with a nod and a smile, and turned around and walked away before they could respond. Confusing the shit out of people is the only thing that gets me by in this place. That jag-off interrupted my monologue anyways. I can't even remember what I was saying. Damnit, this shift is gonna take forever.
"Jesus," I muttered, looking at my watch. I still had two hours to go. I wanted to kill myself. The only thing tonight that had been even half fun was writing my paper for Psychology class. Some people don't like having their voices heard, but I love it. "The reason why our school scores so low on achievement tests is because the gaseous fumes from the carpet cleaner is causing chronic retardation in its students." Mr. Mathews said that my supportive evidence was unconvincing, but staring into the eyes of some of the students at school is evidence enough for me. They're like empty husks. There's just nothing there. These kids have no higher mental functioning. It must suck to be stupid. Speaking of stupid...
"Cameron, do you ever watch Star Trek on UPN?" I could feel my urge to kill rising and I unconsciously felt my hand wrap around the stapler once more. I HATE Star Trek! Honestly, I need a healthy way of dealing with anger. Actually, fuck that, I need an unhealthy method of dealing with anger. I need to get into a fight. I need to find some random asshole that just fucks up my universe and straight-up beat him senseless. But where to find such a person? Even Todd doesn't piss me off that much.
Almost as if on cue, some kid walked through the detectors at the front of the store. They went off and I was about to check his coat for stolen goods when he bolted through the doors. "Oh fuck no!" I shouted and the chase was on. This was totally against store policy but I'd done it plenty of times. I busted through the door and started to gain on him as we bolted across the parking lot. The adrenaline woke me up, the action made me happy, and the wind from outside felt soothing. The only thing that didn't feel good was the front side of the 88' Buick Park Avenue plowing into my pelvis as I ran across the street after the thief. I flipped up onto the hood as the driver slammed on his brakes, and smacked my head off of the pavement as he stopped, knocking myself unconscious. Maybe the driver was having a hard time dealing with his anger too.
I watched Cara's beautiful ass sway as she walked back to her front door. She turned around one last time, smiling, and started to giggle before disappearing through her door. I found myself smiling too and through my shirt over my shoulder as I turned to go back to my own place. After the lake, we made out for a very long time before finally walking back to our houses and exchanging last kisses of the night. I had wanted her to sleep over, really really badly, but she said that she had to finish some college applications early and would see me the following afternoon. Girls are way too efficient at delaying pleasure, and I was way too horny for life. I started to imagine the ass that was just in front of me and my dick started to pulse again. I need to think about something else quick.
So about those hummers. Who else seems to notice a negative correlation between penis size and size of your car? I was driving down the street yesterday when a hummer, oh, excuse me, an H2, pulled up to me. A big stupid-looking yellow one. And who do I see sitting at the wheel other than the spitting image of Michael J Fox, a man that, I'm convinced, has a very small penis (NOTE: written before he came down with Parkinson's so don't get mad at me). Not only that but tiny people look absolutely ridiculous riding behind massive vehicles. The only people driving hummers should be people that resemble Jessy Ventura from "predator" who constantly chew tobacco and say things like "Goddamn tyrannosaurus." You know what, I take that back. No one should be driving the abominations that are the H2's. Those things are a disgrace to the word hummer. They may look semi-decent but I seriously doubt that those things could cross rivers and drive through trees and shit like the original hummer. Now that was a cool car. Damn, I feel better already.
As I walked through the door, I couldn't shake the feeling of giddiness I got from Cara. I felt on top of the world and nothing, I thought, could make me happier. I was wrong. I slowly walked into the kitchen and saw it: A large post-it on the fridge from the mother.
Cam and Sarah: Had to fly to Denver for the weekend. Food in fridge, be back on Monday. Love, mom.
Was this for real? I grabbed the counter-tops so my legs wouldn't give out. Mom ... gone ... for the weekend? My brain struggled to process the words but I couldn't even fathom the implications presented. Yes! YES! My body began shuddering as my eyes filled with tears of joy. I can't believe this is happening. This is the best day of my life. I popped open the fridge and inside was a tuna-noodle casserole all made up and ready to go. My life was complete. I grabbed it and a spoon and collapsed on my living room couch.
I flipped on the tube hoping to find another episode of Wonder Years or maybe even some Hanging with Mr. Cooper but instead Deep Space Nine popped on. Jesus Christ, how I loathe Star Trek. However, a few days ago, I did notice an interesting fact. That new one was on, with the quantum leap dude as captain, and I was lying in bed without the remote, feeling pretty lazy. No remote you see, so I was forced to watch it. Anyways, I watched it regretfully, and within 30 minutes I must have seen 5 or 6 commercials for enzyte and a similar number for E-harmony. You think they're trying to hit a specific audience here? Apparently, advertisers think that the only people watching Star Trek are single men with erectile dysfunction. Hehehe, they're probably right. Anyways, I started flying through the channels at my usual blistering pace, trying in vain to find boobs, explosions, or violence.
"Hey Cam, whatcha watching?" said a sensual female voice. I remember that voice. Just as I was trying to place a face, it came into view from around the side of the couch along with the rest of her gorgeous body, enshrouded under the thin fabric of a large T-shirt.
"Janelle," I said, fairly surprised, "What are you doing here?" I put down my tuna. She smiled.
"You look surprised to see me Cam?"
"Well uh ... yeah. Are you ... why are you here again?" My eyes inevitably dropped to her enormous chest, with excited nipples showing through. Her expression softened and she saw my diverted eyes.
"Sarah invited me over earlier. It got late so I decided to spend the night." Holy shit, instant boner.
"Cool cool," I said, "where is the little bitch by the way?" She giggled.
"She's upstairs asleep, I just came down because I heard the TV." She yawned heavily and stretched her arms out over her head, seemingly unconsciously yet purposefully lifting her shirt up over her waist exposing her shaved pussy and lovely bare ass. I couldn't believe that I hit that earlier. "Care if I chill with you for a while?" Excuse me? Baking powder? I couldn't speak, paralyzed once again by her intense hotness. Why did this not get any easier? You would think that the conversation would flow after you've had sex but it didn't. I was lost for words. Her smile was penetrating, her body was bangin, and her boobs were so fucking huge. As much action as I had today, I was still a complete moron when talking to girls. "I'll just take that as a yes, I suppose." She laughed a little bit before walking up to me. She bent over when near me so that our faces were very close, before I felt her hand on my crotch. "Is this seat taken?" She turned around and without a second thought, sat down onto my lap, laying back onto me.
"Oh God," I muttered, as I felt her bare ass gyrate into place over my crotch. Just then the thought hit me that she was wearing just a shirt, when sleeping over the house with my sister.
"By the way," she added, "What happened to your face."
"Don't worry about it. Hey Janelle, when you say you're friends with my sister, you mean normal friends friends, and not friends friends like you're friends with Sasha friends right?" Jesus, did I make any sense there at all? She started to laugh and her body shook atop mine.
"Yeah," she said, "Sarah doesn't practice an alternative lifestyle ... yet." Oh no.
"No Janelle, please," I begged, "You can't make my sister bisexual. I already take enough shit from my friends cuz she's hot. If she starts bumping donuts with other girls, I'll never hear the end of it."
"Well," she said, "I'm really horny tonight." She rocked against my cock again for emphasis. "And she is really hot. I might have to make a move on her tonight. Unless..." I chuckled.
"A little less subtle than this morning huh?" She craned her neck and smiled at me.
"Yeah, a little bit huh?" she laughed. "Well what do you say Cam? You're obviously horny too." She squeezed my dick. It was rock. I moaned.
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