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"An unusual birthday present"

As she heard my approach Laura stood up and faced the door with bated breath and an expression of fascinated terror on her face. But as I entered, she all but collapsed. All the air seemed to go out of her as if she had taken a haymaker in the midriff and with a kind of combined snort and chortle she sat down abruptly on the bed.

I pulled up a chair and sat near her. Very red in the face, she was gasping for air and her eyes were watering, and she avoided looking at me.

"What's the matter?" I asked in some concern.

"I'm so sorry," she said, recovering her composure somewhat. "That was very rude of me. It's just that, well, er —" She hesitated.

"Please be absolutely honest," I implored her.

"Well, I'm sorry, James, but you weren't at all what I was expecting. I thought you'd be, well, different somehow, and you're just, well —"

"Fat, bald, and fifty?"

"I was going to say 'ordinary'. If I passed you in the street I shouldn't look at you twice. I'm sorry for the way I reacted, but to be honest, I'd built up this picture of you as so imposing and charismatic and it was just such an anticlimax."

"That's all right," I said. "I want you to be honest. Have you noticed anything else?"

"Not a thing. In fact, if you really want me to be honest, I'm beginning to think some of my students have decided to perpetrate an incredibly elaborate practical joke."

"If they had," I suggested, "they'd have found a more glamorous leading man."

"And, and..." Laura's mind was clearly in a whirl with this idea, but then she rejected it. "A nice girl like Penny would never have demeaned herself like that, just for a hoax. It must really be true, but I don't feel anything."

"You wouldn't expect to. It takes a few minutes to work. Just keep talking."

"Well, I hardly know where to start. It's been such a strange day. I keep thinking it's some sort of dream I'm about to wake up from. Let me talk about Elspeth." She took the girl's arm and gave it a congratulatory squeeze. Elspeth gave a gratified nod of acknowledgment.

"You know," said Laura reflectively, "colleagues often told me that one of the humbling things about teaching at a place like Cambridge is that, no matter how good you are, sooner or later you'll have a student cleverer than you. I always pretended to agree with them, but to tell the truth it was false modesty on my part because I didn't want to sound arrogant. The fact is, although I've had some very bright students I've always known I was better, and I suppose I didn't think that would ever change. Until today, that is."

Elspeth was now looking embarrassed, even a little contrite. "Laura," she said in a quiet, halting voice, "I didn't mean to hurt you. I just had to make you see that you were wrong."

"Elspeth, don't apologise," said Laura firmly. "When you think someone's wrong, you argue your corner and never give up. That's what I've always tried to teach all my students. And as for hurting me, you haven't at all. My colleagues were right; I see that now. I was bound to find that cleverer student one day, and I'm glad it turned out to be you. You were magnificent." She turned to me. "Weren't you impressed, James?"

"I was."

"And you, too, actually, James," she went on. "Maybe I was a bit hasty when I first saw you. I don't know your background but you come across as an educated man."

I was beginning to realise that to call someone "educated" was the greatest compliment Laura knew how to bestow. I nodded my appreciation and, following Fran's example, gave the degree-holder's equivalent of name, rank, and serial number.

"Oxford, 1978."

Laura, a Cambridge girl through and through, sniffed disdainfully. "Oxford? Oh, well, so I was mistaken."

We both laughed quietly at this harmless academic banter.

"And," she continued, "I've noticed that when you smile your face puckers in a way that's actually quite attractive. You've got very intelligent eyes, too."

I used them to gaze at her steadily. "Thank you," I said softly.

"Oh, god," she muttered. A strange combination of fascination and fear, tinged with awe, slowly spread across her face. "It's started, hasn't it?" she whispered.

"Just keep talking."

She took a deep breath. That familiar sparkle began to appear in her eyes, and instead of looking around the room at intervals she now gazed squarely at me. "I've got such a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. All my muscles seem to be tensing. I feel flushed." She shifted to the edge of the bed to be nearer me. "I'm so sorry I was rude when you came in. I don't know what I was thinking of. You're a lovely man. It's no wonder all these girls like you."

She paused and for a few moments simply sat there gazing at me. Then her academic outlook reasserted itself and with a visible effort to concentrate she spoke in a more analytic vein.

"It's extraordinary," she said. "Nothing has changed, yet everything has changed. You're still the same man I saw when you came in the room a few minutes ago, but now everything about you is just perfect."

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Chapter 43 Videos

Free Universal Carnal KnowledgeChapter 41 A well elaborated delusion

In the hall there was a fairly tense stand-off in progress. Wendy, hearing the whistle and grateful for any interruption, pulled the phone from her pocket. "Excuse me a moment, please, Dr Stone," she said, but the courtesy of these words was belied by the determined way she stood her ground and the fierce glare that wordlessly said, "Don't even think about using this diversion to get past me." Laura paused. Even she was not immune from the strange but universal rule that someone engaged...

Free Universal Carnal KnowledgeChapter 44

"A birthday to remember" The rest of the day was spent as idyllically as I could have hoped. I wandered about the house and grounds, watching Gina's fucking class, or looking at the girls watching the porn (I felt little need to watch the actual porn films themselves, my life having turned into one), or simply enjoying the topsy-turvy world in which you first of all fuck a girl to unimagined levels of ecstasy and only later do you chat her up. Still something of a slave to societal norms...

Free Universal Carnal Knowledge Pt 19

XIX ‘An irresistible chemical assault’ Over the next several hours, with brief breaks only for food (once) and sex (twice), I was to learn more about human physiology and neurology than I had in the previous forty-nine years. I also learnt more about Uncle Albert than I had ever suspected before, more, indeed, than I wanted to know, for overall the picture that slowly emerged was not a pretty one. It became evident that Uncle Albert had devoted virtually his entire adult life to this...

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‘Bloody selfish’ When I got back to my office I buzzed Fran and asked her to come and see me. She arrived promptly and shut the door. ‘I know what this is about,’ she said as she took a chair, ‘and you can save your breath. I’ve made up my mind, James, and nothing you could say will change it.’ Then she looked more closely at my face and her manner softened abruptly. ‘James, you poor darling, you look so upset. What’s the matter?’ ‘Fran,’ I said, too apprehensive and ashamed to look her in...

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VIII ‘Any woman’ After a while I began to feel stronger and I wished I could go to Albert’s as I had been trying to do for the last few days. But I could hardly leave Kylie sexed-out on the front room floor so I pottered about the house for a bit, then, since she showed no signs of coming down after nearly an hour, I decided I might as well take the opportunity to catch up with a few jobs about the garden. ”Ello, James,’ said someone. ‘Sorry to ‘ear about yer uncle.’ It was Betty, Kylie’s...

Free Universal Carnal KnowledgeChapter 19 An irresistible chemical assault

Over the next several hours, with brief breaks only for food (once) and sex (twice), I was to learn more about human physiology and neurology than I had in the previous forty-nine years. I also learnt more about Uncle Albert than I had ever suspected before; more, indeed, than I wanted to know, for overall the picture that slowly emerged was not a pretty one. It became evident that Uncle Albert had devoted virtually his entire adult life to this project. The electronic record went back only...

Free Universal Carnal Knowledge Pt 42

XLII The teacher taught They found Elspeth sitting up in bed, bare-breasted but not caring, looking dazed but definitely conscious, and radiantly happy. Laura ran up to her and grasped her hand. ‘Elspeth, are you all right?’ Elspeth appeared to have trouble focusing on this difficult question. She blinked. ‘Laura? So it was you earlier?’ ‘Yes, I was in here before but I didn’t think you were awake.’ ‘I was. I could hear you but I couldn’t move or speak, I just felt so lovely all over. I...

Free Universal Carnal KnowledgeChapter 46

All this was a year ago. Perhaps I can best wrap the story up by offering a series of incidents during the intervening twelve months that strike me as particularly interesting or significant (or sexy or amusing. Or, in one or two cases, grim). Last summer's birthday weekend was the turning point. Once all the girls were safely captured, and the decision had been taken to go wholesale into the sex business, everything seemed to fall into place. I was very strict about ensuring girls had...

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XIII Off my chest The situation was surreal. Here we were, hurrying off to inaugurate a sexual relationship, yet we were sitting as far apart as the size of the cab would permit, staring angrily out of opposite windows without a word to each other. I was furious with Fran for having forced me to give way when all I wanted was for her own good, and I could see she was equally upset at my reluctance to give her what she wanted. But she was still eager, when we got to the flat she fumbled with...

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XXIX ‘Any woman out there’ We went upstairs to the main bedroom. The girl was clearly coming out of it. She was breathing in long, deep, happy sighs and she turned her head when we entered the room. Her eyes, no longer glassy, sparkled as they fixed on me, apparently hardly noticing Wendy. I walked to the foot of the bed and stood there with my legs somewhat apart and my arms folded as I tried to assume a pose suggesting a confidence and mastery I was far from feeling. I looked at my...

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The situation was surreal. Here we were, hurrying off to inaugurate a sexual relationship, yet we were sitting as far apart as the size of the cab would permit, staring angrily out of opposite windows without a word to each other. I was furious with Fran for having forced me to give way when all I wanted was for her own good, and I could see she was equally upset at my reluctance to give her what she wanted. But she was still eager; when we got to the flat she fumbled with the keys in her...

Free Universal Carnal Knowledge Pt 46

The end All this was a year ago. Perhaps I can best wrap the story up by offering a series of incidents during the intervening twelve months that strike me as particularly interesting or significant (or sexy or amusing. Or, in one or two cases, grim). * Last summer’s birthday weekend was the turning point. Once all the girls were safely captured, and the decision had been taken to go wholesale into the sex business, everything seemed to fall into place. I was very strict about ensuring girls...

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III ‘Sorry to hear’ On the tube to work as I mulled confusedly over what was happening to me, I found myself thinking more respectfully of Uncle Albert. It seemed the old goat had known what he was doing after all. Apart from anything else, he had apparently saved my marriage. Clearly in FUCK he had devised some kind of sexual super-drug. I compared it with what I had heard and read about drugs such as Viagra, they had had remarkable results in many cases, but surely nothing to compare with...

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On the tube to work as I mulled confusedly over what was happening to me, I found myself thinking more respectfully of Uncle Albert. It seemed the old goat had known what he was doing after all. Apart from anything else, he had apparently saved my marriage. Clearly in FUCK he had devised some kind of sexual super-drug. I compared it with what I had heard and read about drugs such as Viagra; they had had remarkable results in many cases, but surely nothing to compare with what Albert's...

Free Universal Carnal KnowledgeChapter 42 The teacher taught

They found Elspeth sitting up in bed, bare-breasted but not caring, looking dazed but definitely conscious, and radiantly happy. Laura ran up to her and grasped her hand. "Elspeth, are you all right?" Elspeth appeared to have trouble focusing on this difficult question. She blinked. "Laura? So it was you earlier?" "Yes, I was in here before but I didn't think you were awake." "I was. I could hear you but I couldn't move or speak, I just felt so lovely all over. I thought you must...

Free Universal Carnal Knowledge Pt 27

Vidi, vici, veni I fumbled for my watch. ‘Christ! Is that the time?’ Gina, of course, was gazing ceilingward in glassy-eyed bliss and could not reply. I scrambled into my clothes and hailed a cab, and as it carried me to London Bridge Station I rang the client and gave some excuse for my lateness. This particular client was based in an inconveniently remote south-eastern suburb, the principal thing I remembered from my only previous visit was that there was evidently some kind of college in...

Free Universal Carnal Knowledge Pt 15

XV ‘I was the first’ After work I hurried to meet Alicia. I was ten minutes early but she was already there. As I saw her, I felt a pang of conscience. She was so young, so pretty, so innocent, so wholly unaware of what was happening to her. And I, instead of looking after her and protecting her, was planning to take her home and fuck her and keep on fucking her to my cock’s content. But, I reflected, it was pointless to think this way: my experience with Fran had shown that Uncle Albert’s...

Free Universal Carnal Knowledge Pt 05

The weakness of the flesh Several hours of clearing up at Uncle Albert’s house brought me no real reward. It was arduous, unpleasant work on such a sultry day, and I felt terribly invasive going through the old boy’s things. The reflection that now they really belonged to me made me feel slightly less uncomfortable about it, but it did not make the work any easier. I decided to tackle one room at a time. So I started on a pile of old magazines at one end of the front room and took it from...

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After work I hurried to meet Alicia. I was ten minutes early but she was already there. As I saw her, I felt a pang of conscience. She was so young, so pretty, so innocent, so wholly unaware of what was happening to her. And I, instead of looking after her and protecting her, was planning to take her home and fuck her and keep on fucking her to my cock's content. But, I reflected, it was pointless to think this way: my experience with Fran had shown that Uncle Albert's invention was not be...

Free Universal Carnal Knowledge Pt 07

VII Girl next door The events of the day had stunned me. I had had no idea things might go this far. Not only had I just rendered worthless the marriage vows on which I had based my life for twenty years, not only had the sex been utterly out of this world, but to cap it all this sexy, vivacious young woman, her whole life before her, had just pledged herself unconditionally and with every appearance of desperate sincerity to a fat, bald, middle-aged married insurance manager. I thought long...

Free Universal Carnal Knowledge Pt 16

XVI ‘Just like Sue’ I allowed myself to fall asleep next to Alicia knowing that sexual desire would awaken me in the small hours. When it did, instead of turning for relief to the gorgeous and compliant little creature next to me I went to the main bedroom where Wendy was sleeping. She was my wife, after all, and had been wonderfully understanding and supportive all evening. There are wives in this world, I reflected, that might object if their husband brought home a big-titted...

Free Universal Carnal Knowledge Pt 06

Command performance By the time another fifteen minutes had passed with no more sign of life, I felt that some action was necessary. I still had things to do. But what about Connie? I could hardly leave her back at the college in a post-orgasmic trance and reeking of sex, nor for the same reason could I put her on a train for her home on the other side of London. Somewhere she had to be cleaned up and made presentable. I could think of nothing for it but to take her back to my place, with any...

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XI The ‘M’ word I was now late for work, of course. Immediately I arrived I hurried to the gents for the wank of which my conversation with Alicia had left me sorely in need. As I made my way to my office a colleague mentioned that Fran had been looking for me. ‘Connie, too,’ someone added. I got to my desk and switched on the computer. Of course there was a vast stack of emails. I opened first the one from Brian about the board report. In it he congratulated Fran and me on a job thoroughly...

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XXII ‘Everything you do’ ‘Well, James darling, I think even you are going to have your work cut out with this little lot.’ It was Wendy that said this. She, Alicia and I were sitting at the dining table at home, reviewing the day’s events and surveying the twenty-six notes, which I had carefully laid out in alphabetical order. (It must be the bureaucrat in me.) There seemed to be little doubt that all these girls were ‘primed’. If so, Albert’s theories suggested and experience demonstrated...

Free Universal Carnal Knowledge Pt 31

XXXI ‘Enough money to buy Estonia’ The following morning at the office I at last managed to clear some paperwork despite having to make time to receive confession from Fran and Connie. Fran had asked to see me about something ‘very important’, but when she arrived, with Connie in tow, she seemed extremely loth to get to the point. Not having much time to spend on this, I was about to order her to come out with it when Connie intervened. ‘Jeez, Fran, we’ll be here all day at this rate!...

Free Universal Carnal Knowledge Pt 39

XXXIX Starry skies It was an idyllic night, clear, still and moonless. The stars shone with an almost unnatural brilliance. In silence Fran and I walked into the darkness. I was desperate to speak of my new-found feelings for her but I felt unaccountably shy, like a lovestruck teenager. Unable to find the words I needed, I slackened my pace so that I fell slightly behind and could watch Fran walking in the starlight. There was something odd about her, I realised, I had never noticed before...

Free Universal Carnal Knowledge Pt 34

XXXIV ‘I don’t see what you expect me to do’ The next few days were dominated by preparations for my fiftieth birthday weekend. I telephoned all the girls I had primed and told them to present themselves at George’s house on Friday. They were to travel separately so as not to attract attention. Most of them did not have ready access to a car so they would be arriving by train at the nearest station, nearly four miles away, where I would arrange to have them met. (I did not want local cab...

Free Universal Carnal Knowledge Pt 04

IV ‘Don’t worry about it’ Of course, I knew nothing of this at the time. As I travelled home, I had plenty on my mind as I reflected on the day’s events. Connie’s ass-gymnastics had been spectacular, Fran’s reaction was lower-key (as indeed Fran was a far less demonstrative person than Connie) but the rapt, doe-eyed, goofy gaze had been so utterly uncharacteristic of her, and so similar to the look that Connie had given me, that they must have had a common cause. And now I came to think of...

Free Universal Carnal KnowledgeChapter 4 Dont worry about it

Of course, I knew nothing of this at the time. As I travelled home, I had plenty on my mind as I reflected on the day's events. Connie's ass-gymnastics had been spectacular; Fran's reaction was lower-key (as indeed Fran was a far less demonstrative person than Connie) but the rapt, doe-eyed, goofy gaze had been so utterly uncharacteristic of her, and so similar to the look that Connie had given me, that they must have had a common cause. And now I came to think of it, I had noticed Wendy...

Free Universal Carnal KnowledgeChapter 6 Command performance

By the time another fifteen minutes had passed with no more sign of life, I felt that some action was necessary. I still had things to do. But what about Connie? I could hardly leave her back at the college in a post-orgasmic trance and reeking of sex; nor for the same reason could I put her on a train for her home on the other side of London. Somewhere she had to be cleaned up and made presentable. I could think of nothing for it but to take her back to my place; with any luck by the time we...

Free Universal Carnal KnowledgeChapter 22 Everything you do

"Well, James darling, I think even you are going to have your work cut out with this little lot." It was Wendy that said this. She, Alicia and I were sitting at the dining table at home, reviewing the day's events and surveying the twenty-six notes, which I had carefully laid out in alphabetical order. (It must be the bureaucrat in me.) There seemed to be little doubt that all these girls were "primed". If so, Albert's theories suggested and experience demonstrated that they would not...

Free Universal Carnal KnowledgeChapter 27 Vidi vici veni

I fumbled for my watch. "Christ! Is that the time?" Gina, of course, was gazing ceilingward in glassy-eyed bliss and could not reply. I scrambled into my clothes and hailed a cab, and as it carried me to London Bridge Station I rang the client and gave some excuse for my lateness. This particular client was based in an inconveniently remote south-eastern suburb; the principal thing I remembered from my only previous visit was that there was evidently some kind of college in the area that...

Free Universal Carnal KnowledgeChapter 31 Enough money to buy Estonia

The following morning at the office I at last managed to clear some paperwork despite having to make time to receive confession from Fran and Connie. Fran had asked to see me about something "very important"; but when she arrived, with Connie in tow, she seemed extremely loth to get to the point. Not having much time to spend on this, I was about to order her to come out with it when Connie intervened. "Jeez, Fran, we'll be here all day at this rate! James, what Fran's trying to tell...

Free Universal Carnal KnowledgeChapter 39 Starry skies

It was an idyllic night, clear, still and moonless. The stars shone with an almost unnatural brilliance. In silence Fran and I walked into the darkness. I was desperate to speak of my new-found feelings for her but I felt unaccountably shy, like a lovestruck teenager. Unable to find the words I needed, I slackened my pace so that I fell slightly behind and could watch Fran walking in the starlight. There was something odd about her, I realised; I had never noticed before that she walked in...

Free Universal Carnal Knowledge Pt 40

XL ‘I have to see Miss Smith’ It was my birthday and I wanted to enjoy it. I had worked very hard the day before, and I felt entitled to reward myself. I was going to have a nice, easy, relaxing day fucking whom I chose when I chose, with no conveyer belt, no rotas, and no surprises. Things never work out as we plan them. I had slept in the main bedroom with Florence and Kylie, who had arrived the evening before and who both, I felt, needed my attention. Florence had evidently been obeying...

Free Universal Carnal Knowledge Pt 10

X ‘Nice top’ I wanted to get to the office early since there was bound to be a lot of work to catch up with, to say nothing of Connie and Fran, so instead of walking the mile to the station I caught the bus. This meant that I saw her before she saw me. There she was, standing outside the station, oblivious to the admiring glances she attracted from each passing male and peering anxiously at every possible approach route. I was shocked to recognise none other than my girlfriend from the...

Free Universal Carnal Knowledge Pt 35

XXXV The Female Future These two seductions caused me much concern. I had intended neither of them, but had been unable to avoid them even though I was well aware of what was happening. I knew that sooner or later, if this sort of thing went on, someone was bound to notice, and what then? I had nightmare visions of being emblazoned across the tabloid press, and I feared, too, that the civil authorities might take some action against me, although I hardly dared think what this might be. ...

Free Universal Carnal Knowledge Pt 45

XLV The ideal career The next morning for some inexplicable reason I felt quite sleepy and I stayed in bed (entertained by visitors, of course) until nearly eleven. Then I showered and asked Wendy to come and see me. This could, I thought, be a difficult discussion. Not a bit of it: never underestimate the power of FUCK. It turns the world upside down. Things that used to be easy, like taking a tube ride without seducing some gorgeous girl, get very tricky, and things that one would expect...

Free Universal Carnal Knowledge Pt 20

XX Walk this way I was stunned. I had not sipped the serum, I had quaffed it off. My initial reaction, one of powerless rage against Albert for not briefing me properly that night at the hospital, lasted only until I reflected that the man had been dying in agony and could hardly be blamed for failing to make his meaning entirely clear. No, the responsibility was mine, and it was for me to decide what to do about it. And first of all, of course, I had to negotiate the garden party. I had...

Free Universal Carnal KnowledgeChapter 20 Walk this way

I was stunned. I had not sipped the serum; I had quaffed it off. My initial reaction, one of powerless rage against Albert for not briefing me properly that night at the hospital, lasted only until I reflected that the man had been dying in agony and could hardly be blamed for failing to make his meaning entirely clear. No; the responsibility was mine, and it was for me to decide what to do about it. And first of all, of course, I had to negotiate the garden party. I had made plans for this,...

Free Universal Carnal KnowledgeChapter 29 Any woman out there

We went upstairs to the main bedroom. The girl was clearly coming out of it. She was breathing in long, deep, happy sighs and she turned her head when we entered the room. Her eyes, no longer glassy, sparkled as they fixed on me, apparently hardly noticing Wendy. I walked to the foot of the bed and stood there with my legs somewhat apart and my arms folded as I tried to assume a pose suggesting a confidence and mastery I was far from feeling. I looked at my acquisition. She was lying on her...

Free Universal Carnal Knowledge Pt 36

XXXVI James ‘Henry Ford’ Walker The previous evening — that is, the Thursday — instead of visiting Fran’s I had gone straight home from work to rendezvous with Wendy and Alicia. We had our stuff already packed (not that we needed much) and set off in high spirits for my weekend party at George’s. Kylie wanted to join us but was under strict orders not to miss the following day’s school, I consoled her with a nice fuck while Wendy and Alicia got ready. We reached George’s at about nine...

Free Universal Carnal Knowledge Pt 37

XXXVII ‘No! No!’ Some girls stood out, however. One was Tammy, whose cheesy name had led me to assume she was American, but who turned out to be English: from Billericay, of all places. She was a state-school girl who had got swept up in one of Oxbridge’s occasional (and unconvincing) efforts to demonstrate that it is not the preserve of the middle and upper classes but will take people from Essex council estates too. The girl had character, I must say, her overwhelming craving for me vied...

Free Universal Carnal Knowledge Pt 26

‘God’s gift’ ‘If you want a job done properly,’ I muttered to myself, ‘don’t give it to Connie.’ This was about half-past eleven the next morning, when I found myself in the back streets near Hanover Square, having just emerged from a meeting in a client’s office. It was one of the appointments I had asked Connie to rearrange while I was on compassionate leave, and the reason for my irritation was that she had done something I had specifically warned her against, namely arranging two external...

Free Universal Carnal Knowledge Pt 25

Shapeliness The next day was memorable chiefly for Yvonne. I had invited her to Fran’s flat at lunchtime. It seemed only a courtesy to mention this to Fran at work the next morning when I apologised for again failing to return her keys. She told me not to worry, she had assumed I meant to retain them and had had another set cut on the way to work. ‘So keep them,’ she smiled. ‘You’ll need them if you’re going to keep using my flat as a handy knocking shop. How many girls this time, darling?...

Free Universal Carnal Knowledge Pt 24

XXIV ‘Whatever you want’ Wasting no time I told the twins, who were disappointed but instantly compliant, to get dressed and catch a train back to Cambridge. They were a little consoled when I told them I should be glad to see them in London this coming Saturday. Then I rang Wendy and told her what I had decided and that I should be late home. After this there was nothing for it but to take the now naked Fran, Connie and Gabby to bed and fuck the daylights out of them. Then I returned to...

Free Universal Carnal Knowledge Pt 33

XXXIII ‘Clever. Very’ When I returned to the office next day after ‘lunch’ – actually a very enjoyable session with Gina and an adorably cute black girl professionally called Sable, short but very curvy with nice big pendulous tits, an excellent choice – I was greeted by the news that I had had three urgent messages from an Elspeth Smith. On checking my cellphone I found no fewer than five further messages from her. Plainly something serious was afoot. With great trepidation I went to my...

Free Universal Carnal Knowledge Pt 32

XXXII Operation Saturday Saturday was to be a big day. All week, I had been organising it like a military campaign. And the objectives of Operation Saturday were twofold: (a) to clear up Albert’s house, and (b) to get me laid as much as possible. The former task had been outstanding for over a fortnight now. At first I had procrastinated because it looked like such hard, dirty work, then the increasingly dramatic effects of FUCK had given me other things to worry about. But now, I was...

Free Universal Carnal Knowledge Pt 18

XVIII ‘l-a-d-i-e-s’ The next day, of course, Alicia was due to move in, so it was the last night Wendy would have me to herself and we made sure it was a good one. In the morning we shared an unhurried breakfast and she got ready to go and help Alicia with the move as promised, while I prepared to go to Uncle Albert’s. Just after Wendy had left, the phone rang. It was Fran. I could tell right away that she had recovered her poise after her astonishment the previous night. In fact, she...

Free Universal Carnal Knowledge Pt 38

XXXVIII ‘That’s it’ When I had finished eating I sat back and stared blankly in front of me. I wanted to shut my eyes but every time I tried it I saw that awful look on Nina’s face as she realised she was about to be raped — no, that last clause is a cowardly evasion, scratch it. I should have written as she realised I was about to rape her. Wendy was the first to break a very strained silence. ‘James, darling,’ she muttered softly, ‘there are three more girls waiting downstairs. Elspeth’s...

Free Universal Carnal Knowledge Pt 02

II Cooling off I quaffed the whole flask off in one go and regretted it instantly. The taste, which was as foul as the smell should have led me to expect, shocked me into the realisation that in a moment’s frustration and despair I had swallowed some rank concoction of unknown composition and potency. I half expected to collapse to the ground in agony like someone in a hackneyed Jekyll-and-Hyde transformation scene but, to my relief, I could sense no immediate ill effects beyond the memorably...

Free Universal Carnal Knowledge Pt 14

XIV ‘Ducks in a row’ The following morning, as the radio news was telling us that the hot fine weather would finally break today, Wendy and I discussed the situation again, and she offered me some advice. ‘Get organised, James. Get your ducks in a row. [An interesting choice of phrase.] You can’t just lurch from one unforeseen crisis to the next.’ It was a sound suggestion. On the way to work I thought about how to implement it. I was very clear that I wanted to sort out the women I had got...

Free Universal Carnal Knowledge Pt 28

XXVIII ‘We’ll have to get a whip’ Like the good and attentive wife she was, Wendy instantly recognised the symptoms. (Maybe they were not so hard to detect. I was standing there stark naked, red in the face and panting for air, a hand against the wall for support, with my dangling cock coated white with spunk dribbling in little gobbets on the floor.) ‘Hello, darling,’ she said brightly, ‘lovely to see you home so early. And how is young Kylie?’ I corrected her misapprehension. ‘Wendy,...

Free Universal Carnal Knowledge Pt 43

XLIII ‘An unusual birthday present’ As she heard my approach Laura stood up and faced the door with bated breath and an expression of fascinated terror on her face. But as I entered, she all but collapsed. All the air seemed to go out of her as if she had taken a haymaker in the midriff and with a kind of combined snort and chortle she sat down abruptly on the bed. I pulled up a chair and sat near her. Very red in the face, she was gasping for air and her eyes were watering, and she avoided...

Free Universal Carnal Knowledge Pt 23

XXIII Twins In fact they beat me to it. The following morning Vicky rang me at the office to tell me that she and Simone could not wait any longer to see me and were coming to London, they were already on the train and would reach Liverpool Street soon after midday. For a moment I was going to tell them to get off at the next stop and go straight back to Cambridge but then I reflected that this sudden visit was exactly the kind of unpredictable behaviour that so worried me. I decided I...

Free Universal Carnal Knowledge Pt 21

XXI ‘Far too many’ The day had started warm and it got steadily hotter and muggier as the afternoon wore on. I filled in time until we could leave without giving offence, allowing George to tell me some interminable story about the difficulty of getting his American bosses to pronounce his surname correctly. After this I thought I ought talk to Vicky and Simone and say thank-you for leaving me alone and contenting themselves with only the occasional yearning gaze in my direction. Before...

Free Universal Carnal Knowledge Pt 30

XXX Here and there To underscore her subordinate status Florence ate by herself in the kitchen. Then I ordered her into the dining room to clear away the remains of our meal. She was wearing her jeans and rugby shirt but of course had no bra since Wendy had not returned it. I watched how her unconstrained breasts filled the voluminous shirt, they did not project quite so far horizontally as in the bookshop but as she moved about we could all see how the overhang of the shirt, only loosely...

Free Universal Carnal Knowledge Pt 09

IX ‘If someone could give you a pill’ By the time Wendy came home my batteries were thoroughly recharged and we headed straight upstairs for the usual mindblowing fuck. Later on, when she finally made it to the front room, she looked dismayed at the horrible mark on the carpet. (I had tried to do something about it before she came back, but with only limited success.) I told her I had spilt something. ‘What on earth was it?’ she asked. I decided to try the power of FUCK once more. ‘Don’t...

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