Playing the Part Counterfeit Crusader
- 2 years ago
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Present – Jens – Standing watch
When Alexi blows the grizzly bear to hell with a 40 mm grenade, we're a bit too close and now one of the twins says, "My family, I am in some distress!"
I worry it might be Mira and the baby so I run over and ask, "Are you Mira? And if so, then what's wrong?"
She looks at me and confirms, "Yes I am Mira Ms. Donaldson, and I am experiencing some pains in my reproductive areas..."
Present – Alexi, Ira and Mira – Standing watch
Perhaps my use of the grenade at such short range was ill-advised. It now it appears as if my sister Mira is having problems with her potential Ben progeny. I apologize, "Mira I am sorry if I injured you."
Mira smiles and comforts me, "Do not worry my brother, you will learn in time."
Then, I am pushed out of the way as Ms. Donaldson begins to render assistance...
Present – Jack – Standing watch
I can tell that Alexi is feeling badly about injuring Mira and I know she's in excellent hands with Jennifer and Ira so I look at him and suggest, "Let's take a look at this damn bear."
I'm still amazed a fucking grizzly bear was in the Rocky Mountains! Oh, I know they have some in Rocky Mountain National park but we're too damn far from there for a bear to make it to Jennifer's property. The lights are still on and I can plainly see some sort of fucking collar on the damn bear. I point to it and ask, "What the fuck is that?"
Alexi bends close and states, "It appears to be some sort of radio control collar, similar to those which control Canis lupus familiaris."
I sure as hell don't like the sound of that so I bend down, touch it and son-of-a-fucking bitch!!!
Present – Alexi – Standing watch
Cpt. Reynolds performs an ill-advised action. He touches the radio collar attached to the Ursus arctos horribilis, then lets out a low moan, begins to shudder and I can almost see his eyes light up.
I acquire a stick from the ground and use it to forcefully disconnect Cpt. Reynolds' hand from the collar. He falls to the ground, continues to quiver and my sister Ira questions, "What has occurred with Cpt. Reynolds?"
I state, "He applied his upper digital extremity to the radio collar on the Ursus arctos horribilis. And now he appears to have suffered from some sort of electrical discharge."
I kneel beside him, attempt to acquire a pulse and declare, "It would appear Cpt. Reynolds has suffered a life-threatening cardiac event."
Ms. Donaldson commands...
Present – Jens – Assisting Mira
Dammit! Mira is in big trouble and now Jack is down. I order, "Ira please take care of Jack while I work on your sister."
Amazingly she doesn't argue with me but moves to Jack and requests, "Alexi, please depart and retrieve the level three trauma kits."
Alexi questions, "Both of them?"
Ira confirms, "Yes, both of them and haste of post is required."
Mira explains, "Ms. Donaldson, there will be components in the trauma kits which will prevent the contractions I am experiencing."
I immediately wonder why the fuck didn't we fetch them right away.
Present – Liz and Bernie – Standing watch
Between Ivan screaming bloody murder and the damn alarm, there's enough noise to wake the dead! We hurry to Jack and Masha's room but Jack's nowhere to be found. Ivan holds out his hands toward me, I scoop him up, he stops crying and we head outside. At the doorway we almost collide with Alexi.
I demand, "What the hell is going on!"
He runs past and states, "My sister Mira is having her baby and Cpt. Jack is practically dead."
I yell after him, "What the fuck did you say?"
Bernie translates, "I think he said Mira is having her baby and Jack is dying."
I shake my head and declare, "We need to get our asses outside and see if we can help."
We run outside and I yell, "Jens where the hell are you?"
I hear in response, "We're around back and all hell is breaking loose."
We run around back and find the whole area is covered in blood and (I sniff) what appears to be bear shit...
I see Jens working on Mira and Ira is doing CPR on Jack. Bernie offers help, and he takes over compressions while Ira does rescue breaths.
Just when I think things can't get any worse, I hear a helicopter arriving.
Ivan points and yells, "Gopter bring mama back!"
Jens orders, "Liz, you're going to need to cover whoever the fuck it is in the chopper by yourself. The rest of us have our fucking hands full!"
I look around, pick up one of the rifles off the ground and hurry around to the front of the house.
Present – Masha – Arrival at the cabin
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