El of a ThingChapter 18
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HeartlessChapter 2 free porn video
I had lunch with Sara on Wednesday of that week and I told her my decision. She got angry with me. I watched as her face went from sunny and pleasant to darkly thunderous. "What the hell is wrong with you?" She hissed the question at me as if I had just attacked her. "He's a great guy. He really cares about you! Can't you see that?"
I sat in shock at her reaction. I hardly knew the man and he didn't know me at all. I had appreciation for the fact that he was a member of her family but I would have thought that she would be more inclined to protecting him from me, not pushing us together. "Sara," I began. "Don't you think that it's better this way? You know what I'm like. Do you really want him to end up like the rest?"
Her anger ebbed away and she touched my hand. "Melia, why do you do this to yourself? Anyone can see that you want to be loved by someone. Why do you always shut them out? Do you feel that you are unworthy of them?"
I really had no answer for her. "Just see if you can get him to leave me alone, will you? I've tried to discourage him. I've even been downright rude."
She laughed a little. "I know, I've seen it. He has remarked on it. He thinks it's a big act and so do I. He's pretty headstrong. Once he sets his mind to something he doesn't stop until he gets success. I don't know what good it will do but I'll speak to him."
I was relieved. I thanked her and we finished lunch. I thought of that conversation the rest of the week. I wondered if deep down I did feel unworthy. Maybe she was right to ask that question. Maybe it was a question I needed to consider.
Looking back I tried to remember a time when I knew a relationship with a man that was unfettered. My father had been demanding. He was never pleased with me or proud of anything I accomplished. He spent most of my early childhood ignoring me when he could or beating on me when he couldn't and most of my teen years chastising me. My grandfather had no use for granddaughters and chose, instead, to give his attention to my male cousins.
Before Billy and I became more than friends I had dated a couple of different guys. They only wanted to hike my skirt up. It was always something that the men in my life wanted, whether it was sex or for me to be something I'm not. They never just wanted me for me. Maybe the problem was that I believed myself to be unworthy of a man that could give of himself, if there was such an animal.
I had to put those thoughts aside because of the ache that developed in the center of my chest. I threw myself into work to keep my mind from wandering back to a pair of laughing hazel eyes. When Friday night rolled around I was tired and glad for the end of the workweek. I had just gotten home and kicked my shoes off when the phone rang. The caller ID confirmed my suspicion. It was Devlin.
I shut the ringer off on the phone and the volume down on the answering machine. I had no interest in speaking to him at that point. Damn that Sara, I thought. She was supposed to have taken care of this. I grabbed a book that I had been meaning to read and headed for the bedroom. I wanted peace and quiet and I didn't want to deal with that man.
I was dozing lightly sometime later when I heard a noise. I was instantly alert with my heart in my throat. I sat up, listening, holding my breath. I heard it again. A footstep, followed by another, in the hall outside my room. I slipped silently off the bed, tiptoeing to the closet where I kept my revolver on the top shelf. I didn't make it in time. The footsteps got closer. I reached behind the vanity and grabbed my ball bat. The hunk of wood hadn't seen any action since I gave up softball the year before. I was just raising it over my head when the form of a man came through the bedroom door. With a mighty swing I brought the bat down intending to crush the intruder's skull.
The man deflected the blow with a raised arm but fell to the floor under the attack. I raised the weapon again. I saw the intruder raise his arm again. It was bleeding. Then I saw his face. It was Devlin. I almost hit him just on sheer principle.
"What the FUCK are you doing here?!?" I screamed at him.
"JESUS CHRIST!" he yelled back. "I think you broke my arm!"
I felt awful. And I was angry. "Serves you right, you dumb son-of-a-bitch. What are you doing here? How did you get in?"
"You left he front door open. I knocked but there was no answer. I called you several times and you didn't pick up. I was worried about you." He had gotten off the floor and was cradling his arm.
I tossed the bat on the bed. "I didn't answer the phone hoping you would take the hint. Didn't Sara speak to you before you came over?"
"Yeah, she gave me your message. I wanted to hear it from you, if you don't mind." This was the first time that I had seen him angry. He looked even more yummy than when he was smiling.
"I don't want to see you. I don't want to know you. I don't want any more entanglements in my life. Will that do?"
He stared at me a long moment. "I guess that's plain enough. Just for the record, I wasn't trying to complicate your life. I just thought it would be nice to get to know you. I wanted to see if I could make you smile. You're a hard woman but I'll crack that shell yet."
I watched as he turned toward the door. He winced as he brushed his arm on the molding. "Wait," I said against my better judgement. "Let me take a look at that." I reached for him and directed him to the chair by the vanity. "Sit down. Let me see it."
I knelt in front of him and carefully probed his arm. I could feel his gaze on me. It made me hot all over. His arm was bruised and the surface of the skin was split but there didn't appear to be any bones out of place. I looked up into the power of his gaze.
"You're a beautiful woman, Amelia," he said as he raised his good hand up to touch my cheek. "I wonder what it would be like to take the sadness from your eyes."
I snapped my head back, away from his fingers. "I don't think anything's broken but we should probably get this x-rayed. I'll take you to the hospital. I doubt you can drive safely like this."
He didn't move. His eyes held mine. "Don't pull away from me, Lia. You've been pulling away all your life. It's time to let someone in."
I could feel his heat. But it was more than physical. There was a strength in him that I hadn't seen in most men. Something about him that was drawing me to him. I wanted to run. I had to get away. I felt danger in his presence and I wanted to run.
I stood up and headed for the door. Before I got far he was in front of me, blocking my way. He grabbed both of my arms. I saw him flinch slightly but he held fast. "I can see the doubt in your eyes," he whispered. "I know you want to give in to what you're feeling. Just do it. Take a chance. Find out that there is something here we can discover together."
I wrenched my arms free and shoved him out of the way. "I can't!" I screamed and ran up the hall.
He followed. When I reached the living room I turned around to face him. His gaze never wavered. "I'm not leaving here. I'm staying. I know that there is a woman's heart in there somewhere, just aching to come out. You've been hurt. So what? We all have. The difference is you blame yourself for something you couldn't control. He's the one that fucked up, not you. It had nothing to do with you. He was a sick bastard and you suffered the consequences. Stop punishing yourself. Let someone love you."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. He knew! He knew everything about me. "What the hell has Sara been telling you? Does everyone have to know about my humiliation?"
"It was twelve years ago. Do you think he was worth twelve years of your life? Open your eyes, damn you! See what's in front of you. I'm here and I could love you if you let me."
I laughed. It was a deranged sound. "Love me? You don't even know me. You have no idea who I am!"
"I know you. I know your father is a cruel bastard and he used you as a punching bag. I know that you've had nothing but pain all your life. But it doesn't have to be that way. If you just let someone see the real you, you would see that you can be loved."
Fear sparked in my brain. "Sara didn't tell you that. I didn't tell anyone about my dad. How do you know about him?"
"I've known you for a long time. I've watched you and I've seen what you are capable of. You have a capacity for love like few others. You care about people and you do what you can to help everyone. You take care of Sara like she's your sister. You look after Mrs. Roberts next door and bring her homemade cookies. You take blankets out into alleys and back streets in the middle of the night because you're afraid that the homeless people will freeze. I know you well, Lia.
"I met you, a long time ago; a sad-eyed, angry girl who pushed the world away. I kept tabs on you. When I found out my cousin was your friend I decided to move my businesses here."
I fell back a step. "When did we ever meet?"
"That night, when you visited Bill. I lived in the same off-campus building. I saw you walk out of that apartment, your head held high. You were dignified and proud. But I saw the hurt in your eyes. I saw the tears that you refused to shed. I had seen your picture in his apartment and fell in love with the joy I saw in your face, but when you came out of there that joy was killed. I wanted to throttle the fucker. I wanted to take that pain away from you. I wanted you to smile and laugh and be the girl in the picture.
"You walked past me in the hall. You looked right at me but you didn't see me. I spoke to you and when you looked up at me I felt a pain in my heart for the girl that was gone. Still, you couldn't see me. You walked away. I've watched over you since."
It was too much for me to take in. He was dredging up memories that I hated and pain that stole my breath. I sank onto the couch, staring at something that no one else could see. "Who are you?"
"A man who fell in love."
I looked up at him. I felt dizzy and was afraid that I would pass out. He approached me slowly, like one would approach a wild animal. He put his hand on my shoulder and knelt in front of me. "Lia, I never meant to upset you. I only wanted to make sure you would find happiness. But you haven't. If you want me to go, I'll go. But understand this—someone loves you and always will. The few moments we spent together are the best in my life."
"I can't," I whispered. I scooted away from him. "I can't." My voice was getting louder. "I can't!" I screamed as I pushed off the couch.
"Why?" He was on his feet beside me.
"I just can't!"
His hand stroked my hair. The need to flee was overwhelming. I walked backwards away from him, nearly tripping over the coffee table.
"Open your heart, Lia. Let me love you."
He was touching me again. The warmth of his hand was sending his argument home. He moved closer. His lips were inches from my own. I wanted him to kiss me. I wanted to feel his arms around me. I wanted to lose myself in his eyes and let the world disappear. When his lips touched mine I whimpered. I tried to push him away but both his arms snaked around me and held me fast. The kiss stretched out for a lifetime and when it ended I let my head fall onto his shoulder. His hands stroked my back and for a brief moment I believed that I would no longer be alone.
Then the faces of all those men came into my mind. Their cold, angry eyes stared at me. I remembered how many times I had promised myself that I would never let anyone get close enough to hurt me again. "I can't!" I yelled and shoved him off me.
I heard his bellow of pain and saw him clutch his injured arm. It was bleeding again. I backed away. "Devlin, I hurt everyone. I'll hurt you too. I'm poison. You need to get as far away from me as possible. You need to stay away from me. You're a good person. You deserve better."
"I'm not going anywhere. If you send me away I'll just come back, and I'll keep coming back until you get tired of fighting me."
I almost laughed at the thought. "You must be a glutton for punishment."
"No, just a man in love."
"Stop saying that! I don't want you to love me. I don't have anything to give!"
"You're lying," he said as he took a step closer. "You have everything to give. Just open up a little. Take a chance."
"Devlin..." Whatever I wanted to say was forgotten when he kissed me again. With a moan I returned his kiss and let my body melt against his. I felt his lips leave mine and rain feathery kisses down my throat. I had no choice but to cling to him. All my strength was gone. I wanted him and I wanted to believe in him.
I felt his hand wander up my back, inside my blouse. It was warm and strong. His lips found mine again and burned me with his fire. I had never been kissed like that, and I didn't want it to stop. He pushed me against the wall and I felt him flinch when his wounded arm was pinned between us.
I put my hands against his shoulders and pushed. "Amelia," he said against my lips. "Don't push me away."
"I'm not. It's just that we need to look after your arm."
"The hell with that!" he growled and threw me over his shoulder. He carried me to my bed and threw me onto the mattress. "My arm can wait, I can't."
He was on top of me in an instant. His lips, his tongue and his hands were undressing and exploring every inch of me. When his mouth found my left nipple I nearly screamed. His body was shaking and I could feel the strength with which he tried to control himself. "Love me, Lia," he said as if he could invoke emotion in me by sheer force of will. "Love me."
I didn't answer with my voice. I had no words to share. I only knew that his body was driving me wild and I wanted him more than I had wanted anything or anyone in my life. I had an unanswered need in me and I knew that he was going to fill it. I entangled my fingers in his hair, pinning his head to my body. I wanted him to possess me.
I saw the pain on his face when he tried to raise his body on his outstretched arms and he fell against me. He wrapped his good arm under me and rolled my body on top of his. His tremendous lance entered me with a life of its own and filled me completely. I cradled his head on my arms as his mouth sought out my breast again. My hips moved to take his thrusts as he pounded up into me.
Our breaths mingled in a ragged cadence as we climbed together. I sat up and rode hard until my body shuddered and I heard him groan my name. He slammed into me again, sending me over the edge to topple on top of him. I felt his lips caressing my neck as he spoke words of love. Finally we lay still in each other's arms.
Jo
- 11.10.2022
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