Anthea s baby 1
- 2 years ago
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Travis Mason was in a very good mood as he walked down the street towards The Bella Bistro. Work had gone well with no mishaps and not a single person had dared to pull an April Fool’s prank on him. As the boss, they would have been risking their jobs, but there might have been an ‘April Fool’ bold or daring enough to try. He was happy that there hadn’t been. Travis didn’t have much patience for practical jokes. He tended to think that they were cruel and pointless.
He was a bit surprised that Mark hadn’t pulled one of his stunts, although he supposed it was a bit too late for that now. His best friend since fourth grade loved practical jokes, even though Travis had told him consistently he had no stomach for them. He was always doing something that annoyed Travis, despite their friendship and the new relationship they now enjoyed since Mark had become family. Mark had insisted that Travis had pulled off the best practical joke of all, foisting him off on his sister, Casey. It was a running bit between them, because Casey had fallen in love with Mark from the time she was 11. The two-years older Mark hadn’t noticed back then, few girls caught his eye. Sports were everything to Mark back then. It changed by the time he was in the 12th grade. Casey had turned into a certified blonde beauty and hadn’t let moss grow under her feet. She made Mark come after her and once convinced of his sincerity, there was no separating them. She wouldn’t have let anything come between her husband and brother either and often, she was the one playing peacemaker. Casey had some of her husband’s sense of humor, but she was also the first one to tell him when he might be crossing a line.
As he passed one storefront window, Travis took stock of himself. He was wearing his best blue blazer, a very expensive shirt and tie and tailored slacks. He’d had his hair cut that morning and made sure shave himself as clean as a whistle. Unlike his buddy, no gray outlined Travis’ hair, although the BS with Lise might well have added some. He still felt pangs of regret over the ending of their ten-year relationship and supposed that he always would. You don’t love someone the way that he had her and not feel — something. Still, his sister, who had never liked Lise, was right — the woman was poison. The odd thing about all of that was Lise’s best friend was also Casey’s — the two women just couldn’t stand each other.
As he neared the restaurant, a normally confident Travis felt some butterflies. It had been over a decade since he had last been on a date. It felt strange to be nearly 36 and single, it also felt good. Lise had been a millstone around his neck for far too long. He had lost himself in her for several years and only therapy and some clarity had allowed him to see the truth. The entirety of their relationship had been about Lise — her needs, her wants and even her sexual preferences. When Lise suggested that they have an ‘open’ relationship, that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Travis went ballistic and stayed at Mark & Casey’s that night. He went back to the apartment he shared with Lise the next afternoon and cleared out, not looking back for an instant. He and Mark spent the night tying one on and he lost count of how many times he said that he was glad they had never legally married. Lise’s family had money, so most everything went to her and Travis threw himself back into his architectural work to forget his agony.
Mark and Casey had pushed him to jump back into dating and when they told him they had the ‘perfect’ woman for him, he balked at first. Part of him still believed that he’d had the perfect woman and let her fall through the cracks, although he knew that wasn’t realistic. Lise was selfish and condescending. He shook the cobwebs from his head and entered the restaurant, ready to face the future. Once he set his mind to making the night work, he also realized that he was hungry as a bear.
Casey had insisted that she give him the once-over, being overly solicitous. He thought his sister was overdoing it, although being nurturing was in her nature. It bugged him a lot more that Mark was so gung-ho about this date. His buddy wasn’t normally quite this involved in his personal life.
When he got to the table and his date stood up, he saw why. He frowned. She scowled and both of them looked at each other in anger and then shook their heads. They had been set up! The ‘date’ was an April Fool’s prank! He was pissed and the woman standing in front of him looked as mad as a hornet.
‘Travis.’
‘Juliette.’
Juliette Wilde was his sister’s best friend since the 2nd Grade and one of Lise’s closest friends as well. She hadn’t liked him ever since he could remember and the feeling was mutual. When he started dating Lise, Juliette didn’t even disguise the fact that she did not approve. She complained to Casey, she complained to Lise and she complained to whoever would listen. Fortunately, both of the women in his life ignored her admonitions. It was a damned shame that Juliette was such a bitch, because she was a gorgeous redhead and damn, she looked hot in the slinky black dress and heels she had on!
‘They got us,’ Juliette said through gritted teeth. ‘I’ll kill her and fuck, I haven’t eaten a thing all day,’ she complained as she sat back down.
‘Me either,’ Travis said and sat down as well. If it had been anyone else besides Juliette, he would have already declared the date a success. Superficial or not, she looked amazing and a dose of ‘amazing’ was just what the doctor ordered right about now. ‘Okay, how about this? We call a truce, have a meal, try to make some small talk and go our separate ways when we’re done.’
‘Can you do that?’
‘I can — can you?’ She smiled and he smiled back. Juliette nodded so he summoned the sommelier and ordered wine.
‘I actually drink that all the time,’ Juliette said after the server left. ‘Good choice.’
‘My sister got me to try it,’ Travis told her.
‘You realize she’s dead the next time I see her?’ Juliette said with a deadpan expression.
‘So is Mark.’
‘What were they thinking?’
‘No idea, although in the spirit of our truce, you look great. That is some dress and you look like a million dollars,’ Travis complimented her.
‘You’re not so bad yourself,’ Juliette added. Clearing her throat, she then looked at the menu and tried not to smile. It had always bothered her that this chestnut-haired Adonis was such a shit, because he sure could fill out a suit.
The two dinner companions ordered and as they waited for their food, they talked. To Travis’ surprise, conversation came easily. When their food arrived, Juliette eyed his and he looked at hers. ‘Want to share?’ Travis suggested. She nodded and they split their meals in half. With some of their hunger being assuaged by the wonderful meal, they continued talking and something odd began to happen. Travis and Juliette found out they had things in common — a lot of things. Films, TV shows, books and favorite restaurants — it was almost as if they had been leading parallel lives.
‘Am I imagining this?’ Juliette asked with a nervous giggle. ‘Or do we actually seem to like each other?’
‘It’s not just you,’ Travis told her. ‘I haven’t been this fascinated by a woman — ever. Who’da thunk?’
‘Not I,’ Juliette laughed as she touched his hand. Both of them felt it — a charge. Their hearts were beating and silly as it seemed, they made a connection.
‘Lise …’
‘… is in my past, I’m sorry if I hurt your best friend. I just couldn’t be her plaything any longer,’ Travis explained.
‘Don’t be sorry, I get it,’ Juliette smiled softly. ‘I haven’t spoken to her in months. Casey was right, Lise is only friends with someone if they do what she wants. Her perspective is skewed and perhaps it also affected my perception of you,’ she admitted.
‘I’ve known you for years before Lise,’ Travis added. ‘Why didn’t you like
me then?’
‘Easy, you were an icky boy,’ Juliette laughed.
‘And you were a brat.’
‘Guilty.’
‘How about now?’
‘Mmm — let me think about it. Okay, you’re not so bad,’ Juliette smiled warmly.
‘You’re still a brat,’ he laughed. ‘Only difference, now you’re a gorgeous brat.’
‘Guilty again,’ Juliette grinned. ‘I have to say, I’m glad you noticed. I spent hours getting ready for this date, thinking it was a real date. I want to shoot your sister, although I suppose I should let her off the hook. Now I suppose, I’ll have to thank her.’
‘Why should we?’ Travis teased. ‘Let’s not let them off the hook, let’s just keep mum. Make ’em sweat. The fact that this turned out great is our secret — agreed?’
‘You betcha!’ Juliette clapped. ‘Just for that, dessert is on me.’
The date continued until the time the restaurant closed and still, neither of the unlikely couple wanted it to end. They walked together in a beautiful moonlit sky, holding hands like they had been together for years. Anyone coming upon them would have thought they were longtime lovers and not just a couple discovering mutual interests. ‘Should I take you home?’ Travis asked, hoping that she would say no.
‘I suppose you should,’ Juliette sighed, looking up at him with emerald eyes that dazzled. ‘It’s getting chilly and I don’t live far.’ She knew he was dejected, so she added ‘Come in for a cup of coffee.’
‘I don’t really need a cup of coffee,’ Travis said as they began walking towards Juliette’s place.
‘Good, because I make terrible coffee,’ she smiled as she picked up the pace. He noticed that even in heels, she ran quite well and with a naughty little stride.
‘Then what …?’
‘Silly man, don’t you recognize a pretext when you hear one?’ Juliette smiled as her apartment complex came into view. ‘A girl can’t very well say `let’s go to my place and fuck’, now can she?’
Travis wasn’t sure that he had heard her correctly, but he played along. ‘Why the hell not?’
Juliette decided to keep the play going and moved close, thrusting herself against him and whispering in his ear. ‘Okay handsome, let’s go up to my place and fuck,’ she said and nibbled on his ear lobe. He nodded and the two of them practically raced up the stairs to the loft apartment. He knew that she managed the building and the loft was a perk. It was beautiful, large and spacious and tastefully decorated. Travis assumed he’d get the nickel tour sooner or later. Right now, he assumed — correctly — that both of them only had one room in mind. Laughing with the gaiety of a schoolgirl, his ‘blind date’ ran for the bedroom, leaving her paramour behind in the dust.
When he reached the bedroom, Travis couldn’t quite believe his eyes. How had she managed to move that fast? She stood there in a slinky black teddy and stockings, her high heels adding to the overall effect. The tall redhead almost sashayed towards him and threw her arms around his neck. ‘I’m like the Boy Scouts,’ she kidded. ‘I know to be prepared.’
‘I’ll say,’ Travis added, just before the sensual redhead practically jammed her tongue down his throat. The passion between them was indescribable and he wondered if a bit of that was caused by the dissolution of the long animosity between them. Deciding he really didn’t care what fueled her fire, he kissed back and the two of them took things all the way up to Defcon One before breaking apart.
‘If I’d known you could kiss like that, I’d have taken you with me to Prom,’ Juliette said, trying not to pass out from the passion. ‘Although we might not have gotten there,’ she winked, edging towards the spacious bed.
‘We wouldn’t have,’ Travis grinned and followed her. She stretched out on the bed and red tresses spilled out behind her. ‘I’ve always thought you were hot — but DAMN, woman!’ She laughed a rich, hearty laugh as he joined her on the bed. Her hand traced the contours of his face as they kissed again. The two of then rolled around on the bed, kissing and teasing each other. Travis found Juliette’s aggressive attitude very sexy. It wasn’t at all like Lise, a way of controlling him. It was that of a confident, sexy, vibrant woman engaged in play. Her nimble, slim fingers were flying about, making him naked. Her eyes appraised every square inch of Travis and he could tell that she liked what she saw. He didn’t have much to complain about either and when she sat up and removed her lingerie, his eyes almost bugged out. There were glamour models and film stars that weren’t as sexy as Juliette. He cussed himself for all of the wasted time and decided that was to be the end of that. Tonight he would give her an amazing fuck to make up for all the pent-up sexual frustration that had obviously been under the surface.
‘You do realize that you’re about to get hooked?’ Juliette purred with the most sensual tones she could summon. ‘Once a man gets a taste of me, he’s ruined for other women. I’m the best fuck you’ll ever have!’
‘Promises, promises,’ Travis teased before she pushed him on his back. There was an almost-mad look in her eyes as her hands slid over his supine form. Then before he could say a further word, her mouth surrounded his cock and he knew immediately she had not been boasting. Juliette sucked cock like she was born to do nothing else. Travis threw back his head and let out a low moan. It wasn’t going to be easy with her, although he surmised that few things worth having were easy. He just had to make sure not to cum until she gave him some kind of clue that she was ready for that to occur.
Juliette looked at the man she had despised for so long and wondered how she had been so clueless? She had incorrectly assumed from all the pertinent evidence that he simply wasn’t ‘her type’ — and she had been wayyyy off of the mark. He was a very masculine male, true, although you had to add charming, sexy and virile to that. He had managed to engage her mentally throughout dinner and now, she wanted to consume him physically. His cock was the biggest she had ever had and yet, he hadn’t bragged about his attributes like some men might have done. It was just part and parcel of the package. Her mouth worked its wiles on his shaft and when she felt the pulsing shaft jerk, she gave him a nod and wink. He moved to pull away and she frowned. This first time, she wanted to experience it all and did as she swallowed his load.
Some men might have rested at this point, not this man — not her man. Now he was leading the sex play and when she splayed her legs, he moved in between them. Her legs clamped about his ears and he made no attempt to move as he feasted on her pussy. ‘Oh yeah baby, eat my fucking cunt!’ Juliette cried out. She knew he wouldn’t be offended by the crude language and when he ate her with even more gusto, Juliette knew that she had been right about that. Tit for tat, Travis made her cum with his very talented mouth.
‘Want to rest?’ Juliette asked him.
‘Do you need one?’ Travis replied. She shook her head ‘no’ and practically jumped him. Her pussy splayed apart as she lowered herself on him and felt him inch deep inside of her. Juliette was packed with cock and shuddered at the delight of his manhood inside of her. A lot of men didn’t like their women to be aggressive like this and she could see that Travis had no problems with the Cowgirl position. She wanted to ride and he let her, his hands playing with her tits and the rest of her body as she gave herself over to lust. The frenetic motions she made as she fucked him seemed to spur him on. The wonderful blowjob she had presented him made it unlikely that he would cum soon and his virility insured that she could fuck him for a good, long time. Her four poster bed creaked under their weight, but held steady as she gave Travis the fucking of a lifetime. Until this night, she had never fucked a man on the first date – never. During their meal, Juliette knew that she was going to break that rule. The more that they fucked, th
e surer she was that this night was their destiny.
Juliette called the shots for a while with nary a word of complaint from her lover. Travis wanted to make sure she got the kind of fucking a hot, redheaded bitch deserved — wild and unrestrained. When he fucked her from behind, he tugged at her hair and was a bit rough. It seemed to spur her on. He didn’t cum, not just yet. Juliette was going to get it all, everything he could give. When he finally did allow himself the ultimate release, they were screwing in the spoon position. His lover was only moments behind him in her own climatic explosion.
They spent the night fucking like animals and went well into the next day. When he asked her for a second date, she kissed him and nodded. ‘Although this might be our third date,’ she teased. ‘It’s a new day.’
‘We never stopped the third one,’ Travis joked back as he made them both coffee. She insisted that she had been telling the truth and couldn’t make a decent cup of coffee to save her life.
Each date proved better than the last and always ended the same way, with sex that ran them both ragged. They were able to keep their relationship secret, not wanting to tip off anyone and jinx their newfound good fortune. In fact, they were so successful at that, the following April 1st, Mark and Casey were stunned to receive a dinner invitation from the couple. Casey was stupefied into silence when she saw the huge diamond on Juliette’s finger, certain this was a revenge prank for their April Fool’s joke a year earlier. It wasn’t.
No, that came a few hours later, when Juliette and her man skipped out just before dessert, sticking Casey and Mark with the bill for their sumptuous dinner.
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kEthel sat with her tits nailed to the work table. Her tits were swollen to twice their normal size from the beating they had received from Harry and Rob and the axe handle. Ethel sobbed both from the pain and the feeling of despair and hopelessness. She knew she would not be able to sweet talk the men into letting her go without anymore abuse. Harry and Rob arrived and again Ethel begged and pleaded with them to let her go. The men laughed and told her they still had a few more things they...
Note : This story is completely fictional!In nineteen forty six Thelma Lou Anderson was married with three kids. Linda was the oldest. She was sixteen. Guy and George was ten and Guy seven. Thelma owned a beauty shop in Kansas City. She suspected her husband Lawerance was cheating on her again. She followed him one day when he thought she was at work and saw him go into a house. A woman opened the door and he went in. That was all the proof she needed. She went home and packed her suitcase and...
IncestDear Authors, We hope you’re doing well. ISS would like to invite you to participate in a competition in the ‘Poetry/Jokes category.’ The contest: 1)The contest will run from 05 February 2023 to 19 February 2023. 2)The content can have any number of jokes or poetry, but it should be adult/xxx jokes/poetry. 3) It should be a minimum of 1000 words of content. 4) There shouldn’t be any sort of plagiarism. The entire work should be original and not be published anywhere on the internet...
Thelma was 22 and like all of the young women at that time was still living at home with me and our parents in rural Kent; even though she had a good job in local Department Store. I was 15 and had just left school. The summer of 1965 was particularly fine so it wasn’t uncommon for me to sit around our secluded garden reading a Detective novel when my parents were at work. The difference today was that Thelma was on the first day of her annual holidays and had joined me wearing a very...
Ethel hung by her wrists while Harry and Rob left to get some rest. She nodded off from time to time but the fog of her mind cleared she realized that other than when they punched her she actually enjoyed the way they that fucked her so hard and so brutally. She enjoyed the helpless feeling as they ravaged her body. She believed that she could talk to the two men and they would release her without too much more abuse. She was wrong.As Harry and Rob drove back out to the warehouse they talked...
Ethel hated her name. She was born during the tenure of I Love Lucy. The beloved Ethel Mertz from the television show was the bane of the real life Ethel's existence. There were the jokes about her having to marry Fred. There was only one Fred in her high school class. He wasn't her type; not even if he was the last man on earth. Ethel was every bit the epitome of her name. At five feet even her looks, dress and vocabulary mimicked the character she despised. Although she fought to break the...
Ethel's Pa was telling a story. "A man comes into the garage wanting a new horn for his Dodge. The old bulb was torn. Well, we have horns; but they don't fit his brackets..." "What did he want with a horn?" Ma asked. "Dodge cars don't need them. They have 'Dodge, Brothers' written clearly on the front." "Oh, Nellie," Pa said, but -- at least -- he dropped the story. Ethel couldn't decide which was worse, Ma's jokes or Pa's stories. Pa was fascinated by anything mechanical,...
Damn Katherine and her classy fashion sense... Once again my Mother-in-law had a new skirt suit which would work for brunch, mother-of-the-bride or some other fancy occasion, it was simply lovely. Tonight was one of those other occasions. The suit was perfect for the work awards dinner that my wife Veronica has dragged me too. Katherine, on the other hand, who was looking just so, was all too happy to attend. Katherine's suit is simply irresistible to me. The color, the style,...
Let me say right up front that Gunther was definitely not a young man.I knew he had been around the Santa operation at the North Pole long before I arrived with my bright ideas for cost reduction. I was called in to promote increased toy production by the easily distracted Elves. Those little imps preferred being silly rather than busy little workers focused on their quotas like dedicated employees. As a small-sized human male, I was able to relate easily to the female Elves because they liked...
Fantasy & Sci-Fifrom my supernatural~romantic novel set in Regency England from the diary of Betsy Corning, Darlington, England, September 1815 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I am undone! I have given into temptation and trod the left-hand path. I did not tarry there long, I yet have a semblance of a conscience. But little good will it do me – I will be punished for it sooner or later. But oh, should any ladies read this, perhaps you, at least, will understand what provocation I had endured and grant me some...
When we entered the dining salon, all conversation stopped. I had changed from my travel clothes earlier, but was still in black. Esther was in a peach colored evening gown. As I said before, she was ravishing. Martha and Hatty walked behind us in their evening gowns. It was plain that everyone wondered who this girl was with the Royal Executioner and the Guild Master for companions. Certainly most of the apprentices and the other Guild members had not met, or been introduced to Esther. None...
“Are the statements, that the Lord Executioner made, true?” the Village Chief demanded sternly. “Yes, Un ... Uncle,” the young man finally answered very quietly. “A week in the stocks,” the Village Chief pronounced, “and the same for those two friends of yours.” The Village Chief then turned to me to apologize. “I am sorry I doubted you, Lord Executioner. It would appear that I need to pay closer attention to what is going on with the workers in the fields.” “An excellent idea,” I replied,...
"Language Theresa!" "But Mrs. Bradshaw, I only said..." "Hush Theresa, I will not have such rude vernacular spoken in my boarding house! Also, kindly remove your elbows from the tabletop. More over, the fork was placed on the left side of your plate for a specific reason." Theresa blushed as she looked around at the other five girls, some of them putting on airs. "I never ate before with my left hand Mrs. Bradshaw." "You are a student now in the most prestigious Ladies College in...
Esther III ? by: TamarainRubber Even though we knew we were going to be late for Lisa's party, we couldn't keep our hands off each other. For the next hour or so we grabbed each other like wild cats in heat. Her breasts heaving and her lungs gasping for oxygen, Esther still found the energy to warn me not to cum. At some point she did pull my cock out from behind my rubber bloomers and shoved every inch into her mouth. The clothes she had dressed me in only made me harder and,...
What I want in a Man, Original List 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially successful 4. A caring listener 5. Witty 6. In good shape 7. Dresses with style 8. Appreciates finer things 9. Full of thoughtful surprises What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32) 1. Nice looking 2. Opens car doors, holds chairs 3. Has enough money for a nice dinner 4. Listens more than talks 5. Laughs at my jokes 6. Carries bags of groceries with ease 7. Owns at least one tie 8. Appreciates a good home-cooked...
This explains why friends forward jokes. I’ve never thought of it this way before. A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them. After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a...
The next day I was in full Katherine mode from the moment I unlocked her door. I greeted Sunshine just like Katherine did, using the same tone of voice and gestures. Of course Sunshine reacted just she would with her female owner. As soon as I took her for a short walk and fed her, I went straight to my bedroom, well after the prior day I felt so much more comfortable there, I wanted it to be my bedroom. I took a shower and shaved everything again. I didn't know how I was going to...
Hope you like Esther's latest installment! ESTHER FOUR By TamarainRubber I obediently followed Esther down the long narrow hallway that led into an enormous room filled with the sounds of clinking glasses, soft whispers and a bevy of leather-clad women and men dolled up as maids, rubber babies, and crossdressing sluts like me. Strangely enough (and very much to my pleasure), there was little if any evidence of the S&M parties I had only read about, but never...
The front door opened and again Frank came in, a little less dramatically than the day before but no less intimidating to me as I felt timid and weak dressed in my mother-in-laws things. Frank was half expecting me to be dressed as my normal slouchy male self, ready to put a stop to all this, but he was happy when he saw I didn't have the fortitude to do that. He actually smiled at me, "There's my little wife. That dress looks nice on you." I smiled back not knowing what to do, it...
Caroline dumped her books so loudly on the table that it caused Mike to look up momentarily from his laptop.“Hi, Caroline, I take it the tutorial didn’t go so well?”Caroline slumped onto the chair opposite him.“The pompous bitch basically told me to start again.”“Look I know nothing about art, I don’t even know what I like, but I do know that you know your stuff. Why don’t I get you a drink and we can talk about something else.”As Mike placed the two pints of beer down on the table, Caroline...
Fantasy & Sci-FiAugust mahine ko humor se start karte he! Aaj aap ke lie mast 10 Hindi sex jokes add kiye he hamne aap ki pasandida site ISS par! To abhi ye desi sexy chutkule padhe aur unhe dosto ke sath bhi share kare. 1) Ek din mummy kitchen me khana bana rahi thi tab uski beti kamre me aai. Aur usne maa ko pucha, mummy bache kaise aate he? Maa ne ek minute soch ke bola, dear mummy aur papa ko pyar hua. Aur fir dono ki shadi hui. Dono ne night me kamre me pyar kiya., kiss kiya aur chudai ki. Ladki abhi...
For the Politically INCORRECT!! The “M” word ... by Jeff Foxworthy. Have you ever wondered why it’s OK to make jokes about Catholics, Jews, Christians, the Pope, the Irish, the Italians, the Polish, the Hungarians, the Chinese, the French (including French Canadians), the elderly, bad golfers, men/women, blacks/whites, Republicans/Democrats etc, but its insensitive to make jokes about the Muslims? Well, it’s time to level the playing field and be politically incorrect, by including our...
A GREAT HUNT Shot my first turkey yesterday! Scared the shit outta everyone in the frozen food section. It was awesome! Getting’ old is so much fun ... Remember: Don’t make old people mad! We don’t like being old in the first place, so it doesn’t take much to piss us off. These are compliments of Pat W Wayyyyy back at the dawn of T.V. A man walked into an agent’s office for an audition, as he had a strong desire to be an actor. He acted, he sang, he danced, he told jokes, and did...
These are compliments of Mikey Very Punny... I tried to catch some fog ... I mist. When chemists die they barium. Jokes about German sausage are the wurst. A soldier that survived salt spray, mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me. This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian restaurant but I never met herbivore. I'm reading a book about...
These are compliments of Fmwarmac Blonde: “What does IDK stand for?” Brunette: “I don’t know.” Blonde: “OMG, nobody does!” Yo momma is so fat when she went to KFC the cashier asked, “What size bucket?” and yo momma said, “The one on the roof.” Yo momma is so stupid when an intruder broke into her house, she ran downstairs, dialed 9-1-1 on the microwave, and couldn’t find the “CALL” button. Yo momma’s so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50...
Another short one from joevsr: Short One! Jokes about pole vaulters, don’t go over very well!! This group is compliments of a Friend of J & G. Jokes The wife and I were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy Sunday morning. I said to her “If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff”. “Now why would you want me to do something like that?” she asked. “I figure that you would eventually remarry and I don’t want some other wanker using my stuff”. She...
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid. So, she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room...
The difference between oO and Oo; Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope. The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use. I'll see you back in court Monday" On Monday, the judge asks the first guy, "How did you do over the weekend?" "Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs...
This compliments of Pepere Quote of the day: “It’s good to see that a country that’s $20 trillion in debt and on the verge of financial collapse is spending countless millions of dollars to change pictures on money to make people, who don’t earn any money, happy.” This group is compliments of John M Irish jokes The reason there are so many Irish jokes is because the Irish have a quaint way with words. Like the Irish patient who hobbled into the Surgery waiting room. “I hope to God the...