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It all started several months ago when I, Envious Gumshue, was given my pink slip at The Toadstool Inn restaurant. You would have thought that it would have come with lace, but it did get my attention. One has to understand, what ‘The Stool’ lacked in etiquette, it made up for with chewing gum stuck beneath the tables. However, on first entering, you got the feeling of silence as if in meditation. Humming could be heard wafting in the pungent aroma of weeks old bacon drippings. As if Gregorian chanters, roaches were smacking their gums, humming.

It all started at 6:00 am when some elderly woman came in and sat at the Presidential Booth, it was named that, seeing as how Woodrow Wilson had flown over the town once. She asked if we had sturgeon, and I guess I came off sarcastic by answering, ‘Do you want your tonsils removed or some frigging breakfast?’ I was docked one table for that and penalized seven napkins.

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