Visitors
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Caroline lugged her huge green hamper up three flights of stairs to the end of her hallway. She pushed open her door and dragged the heavy clothes in the hamper into her room. Caroline had worked six hours previously today and attended all her early afternoon classes. ‘I don’t have much energy left,’ she told herself. So, she flipped off the lights and plopped down onto her incredibly comfortable bed.
Meanwhile, Ethan pulled his old hatchback Subaru up to a cozy looking courtyard with three moderate sized buildings around it. As Ethan got out of his car and shut the door, he could see that many people were up and mingling with their lights on. Some rooms though, as Ethan noticed, had no hint of any light on and were quiet as a mouse. Ethan thought, ‘Which building? Three buildings…’and he pointed a finger at each building.
As Ethan approached the middle of the courtyard, a young-aged guy with sloppy blonde hair asked,
‘Hey! Do you need some help?’ Ethan’s dark brown eyes got really big,
‘Yeah, um, actually, that would be great.’
The blonde-haired guy held out a hand, ‘Tyler.’
‘Ethan.’
‘Okay, Ethan, what do you need help with?’
‘Looking for a Miss Caroline who lives in one of these three buildings.’
‘Are you a close friend?’
‘Yeah, most definitely.’
‘Okay, Ethan, you seem like an all right guy. She lives in the building to your right. It’s called Heather for future reference. And the Miss Great Caroline you speak of lives on the third floor, room 304 to be precise.’
‘All right, Tyler. Thank you for your help.’ Ethan held out a hand, but Tyler didn’t hold out his.
‘Not so fast cowboy. You’re going to need to get into the building and her floor. This will cost you a small fee.’
‘Money?’
‘Perhaps or something else, because I know Caroline’s kind. Share a smoke perhaps later this weekend?’
‘It would be a delight Mr. Tyler.’
‘Okie dokie, follow me Sir Ethan.’ Tyler couldn’t stop smiling. He felt so proud, because he knew how to work his connections. He opened the first door for Ethan and skipped up the next three flights of stairs to let Ethan into Caroline’s floor.
Ethan’s voice went quiet. ‘Can I ask you one more small favor?’
‘Yes, so long as you know the price?’
‘Sure thing.’
‘What do you want?’
Ethan quieted his voice even more. ‘I take it you know and keep track of these people around here, ‘eh?’
‘Sure thing.’
Silence.
‘Well, out with it Ethan!’ Tyler’s voice got a little loud.
‘Okay, already Tyler!’ Ethan hushed his voice as low as it would go. ‘Do you know if — er- Miss Caroline has been seeing anyone lately?’
‘You mean a boyfriend or girlfriend?’
‘Yeah nimwit!’
Tyler laughed. ‘With that attitude, I don’t need to tell you anything.’
‘Mr. Tyler, I am sorry. All apologies on my side. Now, please inform me.’
‘Okay!’ Tyler waited a bit. He loved to get under people’s skin. ‘No, she hasn’t really been dating anyone.’
‘So, no one?’
‘Well, if you want to know the whole truth Ethan, Caroline is bisexual and she’s had some interest in some nice young ladies, but to be completely honest, Caroline is a little too mature for them. She needs to find someone older. Satisfied?’
‘Yes!’
‘And Sir Ethan, what brings you to Lovely Caroline’s door?’
‘Nothing that your nose needs to get into. Thank you for your time Tyler. I’ll see you later this weekend.’
Ethan was far too nervous and oh so eager to see Caroline. He didn’t want to admit it to anybody else or even himself. He walked to the far end of the hallway. He read the numbers in his head, ‘312…310…308…306…here we are! 304!!’ He felt like a little kid in middle school all over again. His heart was beating so hard. Sweat droplets were forming at the top of his brow.
He held up his small but bulky hand and knocked four times on Caroline’s wooden door.
Caroline heard the knocks loud and clear. Her head popped up immediately and her heart skipped a beat. ‘Who is it? It’s probably just some of my friends wanting to hang out,’ she thought. Caroline put her head down again. Her friends could never understand that she didn’t want to go out half the time, because she worked and studied unlike her peers and was half out of energy by the time the day was over.
Ethan’s head kind of sunk low. ‘I must not give up. Keep knocking,’ he thought, ‘Maybe, just maybe she’s in there.’ Ethan knocked five more times and added his own voice, ‘Caroline, are you in there?’
This time, Caroline’s whole body jumped at the sound of this man’s voice. ‘Who is that?’ Curiosity filled her body and she could not resist but to open the door. Caroline took a deep breath and carefully opened the door.
Caroline’s light brown eyes met Ethan’s dark ones. Her mouth dropped open simultaneously and she screamed with joy, ‘No way!’
Caroline wrapped her long arms around Ethan’s stout body as Ethan whispered in her ear, ‘Yes way and it’s about time don’t you think?’
Eventually, the two finally let go of each other and Caroline invited him into her room. ‘I have so many questions. Come on in! Sit on my nice new brown couch. Well, it’s new to me.’ She closed the door behind him and chanted, ‘Can I get you anything? A drink? I don’t have any beer, but I could spring for some. I’m sorry Ethan.’
‘Oh, Caroline, I didn’t drive nearly 500 miles to get some beer from you. I drove 500 miles to see you, to be with you.’ The words fell from his lips before he couldn’t even stop them.
Caroline stopped dead in her tracks and walked over to her bed to sit down. Ethan started to look around her room and really took the time to observe her. Caroline’s room had all sorts of whitewater posters up — from rafting to kayaking to gear that was advertised. Her blanket had lots of colorful stripes on it which reminded Ethan of her spirit: very positive and full of life. Ethan couldn’t help but smile when seeing her bedspread. Then, he noticed her organization- her books all stacked on top of each other next to her backpack, her computer, pencils, and calendar which every day was nearly marked with something for her to do or for someone for her to see. Ethan loved every detail about her room. It spoke of Caroline in so many small but powerful ways.
Then, he finally took the time to look at Caroline. She was still sporting her long brown curly hair. ‘Or is it brown?’ questioned Ethan, ‘It has brown, blonde, and red.’ He couldn’t think of a color to name her hair. His eyes passed over her face — still young as ever and innocent he reminded himself. Ethan observed her clothes: baggy basketball shorts and a girly tank top. She could never stop wearing those baggy shorts. Caroline’s body was still tan as ever. And her boobs were still perky and happy too. Ethan felt a surge of energy and couldn’t help but smile back at Caroline.
When Ethan finally came back to Caroline and their conversation, he witnessed Caroline cry for the second time in his life. She hunched over and just started crying out of no where. ‘No, Carrie. Don’t cry. Tell me what’s wrong.’
Ethan moved next to her and just patted her back. Soothed her. It eventually worked for Caroline and she stopped crying so hard. She lifted her body up and softly said with tears in her eyes, ‘I’ve really missed you. You have no idea.’
Ethan made a gesture to hug her, but Caroline backed away. She took a deep breath and continued, ‘I sent you two e-mails back in August. I hoped for a day and ever that you would respond. Did you even check your e-mail Ethan? Remember! I asked for your address before I left!’
Ethan looked down at the floor. ‘I’m sorry Caroline. I got way too busy and didn’t think I was that important to you. I didn’t think you loved me that much. I mean, after all, we just met this summer? Right? I was wrong and y
ou were thinking of me. I should have replied. I guess I was just afraid. I mean, you live in Ohio and I live in Georgia. How’s that supposed to work?’ Ethan felt like he was about to cry himself.
‘Did you read the second e-mail Ethan?’
Ethan nearly cut her off ‘- Of course I did baby! How could I forget about how powerful of a message that was. You were so loving and supporting.’
‘Tell me what I said.’
Ethan stood up and pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket. It was crinkled and starting to wear on the spots he had folded so often. ‘To get the exact message, let me go ahead and read this…
Dear Ethan, Sometimes people need to know how awesome they are. And you are one of those people. You are a great guy, a guy that every girl dreams of. I won’t try to sum you up in a sentence, because I know I can’t. You’re more than a sentence. You rock! And if it’s not obvious, I have a huge crush on you. I had to get that out, because I’m not one to hide my feelings. And I don’t expect anything…I just wanted to get it out. Just remember that you are a special guy and don’t let anyone tell you different. I never got to say goodbye to you, because my parents were kind of being assholes and were eager to hit the road. Thank you for a great summer. I hope your school year kicks ass. Love, Caroline’
Ethan paused a second and then said out loud, ‘I can see your spirit wherever you go, whether we’re on the river, or hanging out at the outpost, or we’re here, right now, in your dorm room. I can even see your spirit when you’re not at the outpost. When you left, everybody missed you — even the people that hated you or were jealous of you. And you know why that is?’
Caroline finally found the courage to look up at Ethan in his dark brown eyes. She shook her head.
‘Because you loved everyone. You saw the good in every single one of us. You took the time to get to know all of us. To be completely honest, I think I missed you the most. Please don’t think I wanted to write you back immediately. Don’t get the wrong idea. I like you, I like you A LOT! And I missed you a lot, so much Carrie.’
‘T-t-then what held you back?’
Ethan held up his hand as if he were a crosswalk guard signaling someone to stop. ‘Wait. I’m not finished yet Caroline. What I’m trying to say, is that I can see your spirit, your love, your energy, your enthusiasm, optimism for every day life. I’ve never met anyone as beautiful, loving, energetic, and encouraging as yourself.’
When Ethan finished, Caroline just stood there smiling. He really had complimented her and she could feel his warmth and love this very second. She seemed to have forgotten her previous question, but Ethan hadn’t.
‘Before I answer your other question, I want you to realize that we are both at fault for not have contacting each other sooner. If you really wanted to contact me, I know you could have gotten my number or something. Agreed upon?’
‘Yes.’
‘Now that I have said my share Miss Caroline, please tell me why you are so taken with me.’
Caroline giggled as Ethan smiled.
‘Okay,’ Caroline started out hesitantly. ‘I doubt my version will be as eloquent and great as yours, but I will do my best.’ Caroline closed her eyes and brought back visions of the summer. What had ignited Ethan in her? She pictured him smiling, laughing, encouraging her, being patient, flirting…there were so many images.
‘Ethan, even though that letter speaks how I feel, it doesn’t quite do it in depth and I want to give it more meaning. When I first met you, there was nothing remarkable about you that I remember except that you were short. Now, that seems funny, but I do remember everyone telling me at work, how kind and great of a guy you were, but I knew I would have to find out for myself. And with time, I did.’
Ethan and Caroline both worked at a rafting outpost together that past summer. Ethan is an excellent kayaker (aka boater) and raft guide — both of which he has been doing for years. Caroline, however, is a second-year guide in coming and has the desire to learn how to kayak someday.
‘When I became a guide, after training, I started to get to know you and respect you. You were the nicest of my Trip Leaders, because when I got stuck on rocks or had my struggling moments, you waited, watched, assisted when you could, and never beheld a grudge afterwards. And many Trip Leaders can’t speak of that. In fact, I remember on one of my first two trip days — well it was a big day for me and I was nervous as fuck — you were there for me. After every trip, you’d tell me that I was doing fine and build confidence in me. You had no idea how much that helped to hear that from a great raft guide and boater. After that, I knew that you were a great guy. That’s what really impressed me. You’re a personal, loving, all-around kind guy.’
Caroline continued, ‘When did I start to like you? Well, initially, I was never attracted to you and plus, you had a girlfriend, so I guess I kind of kept that idea out of my head until you started to flirt with me. And you know exactly what I’m talking about. The way you smiled at me, the things you said, how you offered to pay for my meal, how you let me write your name on my food so the other raft guides wouldn’t eat it, there are so many instances I could sit here and remember and smile about, but you get the idea. You were the first person in my life to reciprocate and show me the unconditional love you could offer me. I felt alive, more than ever.’
Caroline paused, thinking of how she could say how she felt next. ‘Remember that day when everyone got excellent tips from their guests? Do you remember who did the bus speech?’ ‘The bus speech’ refers to not only the bus speech, but also the tip speech, which involves telling our guests that tipping is custom, but not expected. A lot of customers that come rafting do not know that it is considered nice to tip if you enjoyed your ride. And, the guides really do work hard for the little pay they get.
Ethan smiled big, ‘You did the bus speech!’
‘That’s true! But do you know where I got ALL that energy from Ethan? YOU! I was so excited because well not only did I get to work with you, but you wanted me to do bus speech. I mean I felt honored, excited, and of course, I wanted everyone to get good tips. But most of all, I felt confident about myself. Not dependent on you, but just grateful for the attention and love you gave me. And of course, it made me feel confident. I loved that feeling. I felt like I could do anything — anything!’
Caroline paused again, took a deep breathe and continued, ‘What I’m trying to say Ethan,’ she smiled and continued, ‘is that your love knows no boundaries. You respect and love every chance you get. You know that every waking day is a blessing to be thankful for. You’re positive, polite, humble, and gentle unlike a lot of men these days. I can see that and I love those qualities. I love your smile. I love your intelligence, your courage to be up and going every day… You remind me a lot of my dad. Even though he is dead, I know no one can replace him. But I would like to think that you can love me like he did, not exactly the same way, but with that amazing all-powerful and binding love. There are very few people in this world who can love the way you and I do. I guess we both see that in each other. That is definitely rare.’
Ethan smiled at Caroline brightly and this time, he reached out for a hug. He whispered once more into her ear, ‘You’re one smart gal for only being nineteen.’ When he let go, he kissed her on her cheek.
Ethan finally said, ‘If you don’t mind, I’m going to get up and go to the bathroom. I’ve been in the car awhile and haven’t had the chance to go awhile.’
Caroline smiled, ‘Oh, please do.’ She opened up the door and pointed him to the co-ed bathroom.
‘Thanks.’
When Ethan returned, Caroline pulled out her red Samsung phone. ‘Okay, let’s do this right. What’s yo
ur number?’
‘455-346-2276’
Ethan had already pulled out his and asked,
‘Yours?’
‘912-432-5512’
‘Good to go! And to our next topic, why didn’t I respond to you?’ Ethan pondered for a second how to best tell Caroline this sensitive topic. He wanted her to understand completely. ‘Well, I was currently in a relationship at the end of August, almost out of it by mid-September and kind of crushed to be honest. I knew I had feelings for you, but I thought ‘What good could they be with you that far away?’ So, in a way, I just learned to ignore them. I wanted to desperately just correspond back and forth with you, but I knew that would be too much for me. I knew that I wasn’t ready for a relationship until I had some time off from well women. Caroline, I didn’t want to hurt you or myself. I wanted to be sure of my feelings. You’re young and really beautiful. You have no idea Caroline how many hearts you’ve hurt by just existing and being yourself. You are a wonderful and in some ways, a mystical, women. You’re not like all the other women out there. And that’s a good thing, believe me. I thought you would move on as well. I thought you would find some good-looking bodacious blonde ripped hot ass Abercrombie-and-Fitch –‘
‘OKAY!’ Caroline interrupted, ‘That’s enough Ethan! I understand what you’re trying to say. You know who I’ve chosen? You want to know who?’
‘W-who?’ mumbled Ethan. For some reason, he was still scared. His heart still beat away in his body, up to his throat.
‘YOU! You baby!’ Caroline reached for his hand, but Ethan let go this time.
‘I need to know why you never tried to get a-hold of me then.’
Caroline took in another deep breath. ‘You’re 25 Ethan. I’m a lousy 19 without a car, in college in Ohio. Do you know how much courage it took me to let alone send you that e-mail? And you have seen what kind of hurt that has caused me already! The last thing I wanted to do was chase after a broken dream of mine and get knocked in the head by a big ‘No.’ I figured the fact that you weren’t responding was enough of a ‘No’ for me. All my friends will tell you how fragile I am. I can get hurt so easily and I shouldn’t let myself get that hurt. I saw a lot in you Ethan — everything I’ve told you, but I knew that if you didn’t express yourself back, then it was pointless to throw myself at you and chase after you. Besides if it really took that much, wouldn’t I be showing myself and you how worthless I was? And I knew in my heart, that if we were meant to be, we would be. I can’t force –‘
This time Ethan interrupted. ‘Did you just use the word ‘we’?’ Ethan smiled as Caroline did. ‘I think we’ve had enough darts thrown at each other. I’m only here for a weekend Caroline and I want it to be the best weekend we’ve both had in a long time. Plus, you’ve got to show me around this campus and this town. You’ve got to tell me everything about yourself as well.’
‘Everything? That’s going to take more than a weekend…’
‘Well, maybe I can come up and visit you more often?’
Caroline smiled to herself as she finally found the energy to take out her shorts, shirts, underwear, socks, and whatever else to organize them in her closet and dresser. Caroline asked, ‘Do you need anything from your car? After, I finish with this, I can come down with you so you don’t have to get stranded outside without a dorm key. ‘
‘Or you could just give me the key.’
Caroline smiled, ‘What happened to the ‘we’? Maybe I want to accompany you in the big scary darkness out there? And this is a big university! You never know what could happen!’
‘Well, I can’t say no to that.’
Caroline grabbed her keys after she put her clothes away. Caroline and Ethan exited her room and flew out the door to the nearest staircase. The two were so giddy, just laughing for no apparent reason. Why couldn’t they be happy? They were embracing the moment they best way they knew how. They didn’t talk about the future, or what ‘they’ were at the moment, or what was to happen tomorrow. They just enjoyed the present.
Ethan walked to his car, which he parked downtown, and found his overnight bag full of clothes, medicine, and some toiletries. The girl and boy held hands as they walked back to Caroline’s dorm.
Mhairi
- 21.04.2021
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