MICHELE'S NEW LIFE - CHAPTER 57 free porn video

CHAPTER 57: STELLA PARSON

Helen found herself in the unique situation of being able to help three friends at the same time. Since the visit from Anne and Betty that led to the three of them going horseback riding and the two young lawyers getting their first experience with a dog by way of Kaycee’s tongue, Helen’s contact with them had significantly increased in regularity. Often it was simply staying in touch by phone call or text messages, but the three had quickly moved from ‘friendly acquaintances through business dealings’ to ‘real friends that happened to also have business dealings’. The change seemed almost too subtle on the outside looking in, but listening in on comments made it very clear. Before, the women or Helen might call the other on some business or legal matter or question and then have a ‘oh, yeah, by the way …’ personal comment. Now, it seemed more often than not the initial call was personal in nature and then have the ‘oh, yeah, by the way …’ business comments. But, none of us in the house was surprised. Our girl had that effect with people.

On this particular day, though, Helen found herself assisting Dr. Anna at the ranch of Harry and Juli. On top of that, Betty had called a few days earlier and indicated that she would love to see more of what ranches are like. Anne might be the one who is more comfortable around a****ls, having grown up with many of them at her parent’s small ranch, but Betty was the socially outgoing one of the two. So, despite her timidity at the initial introduction to nudity outside and letting Kaycee lick her to orgasm, now that she had experienced them she was more direct about her interests in pursuing them both more. But, they were both very busy women, breaking into a large and successful law firm with a client base spread over the surround states, even competing fairly well in California, especially outside of Los Angeles.

When Helen mentioned to her that she was scheduled to assist the vet at the neighboring ranch for several hours of the afternoon in several days, the young lawyer thought nothing of asking if she could follow along to learn more. There were three reasons behind the question, of course: she really wanted to develop more comfort around a****ls and that meant being around them; she knew that large ranches in the area and surrounding states was a large source of clients for the firm so a better understanding sure couldn’t hurt; but mostly, she wanted more time with Helen.

She had checked with Anne, of course, but her work demanded her presence in the office the entire week. But, Anne did encourage her and sent her off to ask the partner they were assigned to. He actually thought it was an excellent idea to learn more about the ranch business and get a little closer to their new client, Helen. She was wise to not divulge just how much closer she had gotten recently.

Betty met Helen at the house, smiling broadly as Helen and I walked out of the front door to greet her. Helen was dressed in tee-shirt, jeans, and her work cowboy boots, intending to be with the a****ls. Oh, yeah, Betty wasn’t just smiling at seeing her friend, I was naked. I think she was still working through getting used to how we lived.

Betty gave each of us a hug, turned back to Helen, and asked the question on her mind, “So, if I wasn’t coming here and you were staying home today, would you really be naked, too?”

Just then, Mom came out wiping her hands on a dish towel from doing something in the kitchen. She threw the towel over her left shoulder and walked right up to Betty for a welcoming hug. Parting, she put out her arms to the young lawyer, “You mean naked, like this?”

Betty laughed, “Yes, ma’am. Naked like you. You guys are wonderful. I can honestly say that I have never known a family quite like you.” She then looked around as if there might be someone else nearby to overhear her, “How does poor Tim handle it?”

Mom was apparently feeling teasing today. She squirmed in front of her, wrapped her arms around herself, and squeezed her breasts up, “Oooooooo … Tim … yes, well, he handles me … us! … just fine …”

Helen rolled her eyes, took the arm of the woman, and led her toward the side of the property to the path leading to Juli’s. “We better get going, Betty, before we get talked out of our clothes and into bed.”

I laughed with Mom. But, as I watched them walk to the property line, I looked over at Mom and she was thinking the exact same thing. Thank you, Helen. We took each other’s hand and walked directly to the bedroom, we were already out of our clothes.

I was in that stage of drowsy sleep you can find yourself in after satisfying sex when you aren’t quite asleep, but you feel entirely relaxed and any conscious reality is at the very edges of your being. That was how I was, while curled with my Mom on the bed, my left leg over her left leg and my left hand comfortably on her right breast. The sound of the chime coming from the front door didn’t immediately break into my awareness; it took the second, which was a clearly more urgent double pressing of the outside button that made me sit up. My intention was to let Mom sleep, but for it to stir me, it also was insistent enough to stir her.

I swung out of bed, moved deliberately to the closet and swore. “Why can’t I ever find that robe when I need it?”

From behind me came a sleep slurred, and unnecessary response, “Because you never wear one. Are you sure you even own a robe?” She can be so helpful some times. Instead, I ran to the bathroom as the chime was sounded, again. I ran to the hall wrapping a large towel around my body in the process, tucking the corner to hold it in place between my breasts.

I opened the front door and was surprised to see the Sheriff. “Tom! What a pleasant surprise. Sorry for the delay but I was just about to step into the shower.”

“I’m sorry to drop in without notice, Michele, I know you all like your privacy.” He got an indication of a smile on his lips but it disappeared just as quickly indicating this was a serious visit, not casual. Just then, Mom came up behind me, also wrapped in a large towel, and the smile returned a little longer this time. “The same shower?”

I stepped up to him and kissed his cheek, “Whatever do you mean, Tom?” My innocent act didn’t carry very far.

He chuckled, but became very serious, again. “Is Helen here? I really need to give her a message.”

“What’s wrong? No, she’s over at Harry’s helping Dr. Anna with some veterinary activity.”

He looked in that direction, at his car, and back to us. “Miss Stella has just been taken to the hospital by ambulance. She wasn’t able to say much, except to ask for Helen.”

“We’ll get dressed and pick her up. Which hospital?”

“Mercy. You know it? It’s on the South side off the beltway to the East. I need to get back to her place and make sure it is locked up. Thanks, Michele, Barb, I appreciate it.”

“Don’t worry, Tom. Thanks for letting us know. We’ll get Helen up there.”

The rest was a blur to Helen and us until we found ourselves approaching the main entrance, wondering where in the hospital Stella might be. For all we knew she could be in the Emergency Room still. All the way from Harry’s it was a constant stream of questions from Helen, questions we had no answers for. We had no information to help her with her worst fears because we had next to nothing from the Sheriff.

When we asked at the main reception desk, I was relieved that Stella was in the system, already. In fact, they had a room number for her. That made it seem that it wasn’t an accident or she might still be in the Emergency Room. This was something different and Helen wanted to speculate more, but we tried to hold her back and wait for better information, which we wouldn’t get until we were upstairs. We were told she was in room 507 in the West Tower and we were pointed in the proper direction for the elevators.

Reaching the elevator bank for the West Tower, we deduced some information that was scarier than we wanted to consider, especially for Helen. Helen had her finger on Floor 5 on the directory board next to the elevators. Running her finger across from ‘Floor 5’ were the words, ‘Oncology Care’. She remained in that position as we waited for the elevator to come. When it did, she stepped in, moving to the back and turned around. Finally, we could see her face and it was streaming in tears, her cheeks already wet. Mom, being the closest, took her into her arms, holding her tight and reassuring her that we still needed to talk to someone. At the fifth floor, we stepped out and Helen stopped. We turned to her and found her taking deep breaths and wiping her face with the bottom of her tee-shirt, exposing her flat stomach in the process. Once tucked back into her jeans, she took a final deep breath and followed us to Room 507.

The floor was setup nearly round with the nurses’ station in the middle and the rooms along the outside. Room 507 was a two bed setup. The nearest bed was untouched and empty. A curtain was pulled that separated the two beds and low voices could be heard beyond the curtain. Beyond the second bed were windows across the entire width of the room. The beds were on the right side of the room and only the far left set of blinds were open to allow outside light in.

I knocked on the jamb of the open door to announce our presence. A nurse poked her head around the curtain, “I’m sorry, but she can’t have visitor just yet.”

Helen said, “But … I was told … I mean, the Sheriff said …”

Another head poked around, “Helen? Helen … thank goodness, she’s been asking for you.” We followed Helen into the room and we all stood at the foot of the bed, hopefully out of the way of the doctor and nurse. “We’ve just given her an injection into the IV, so she will be out pretty soon, but it would be good for her to know you are here.”

Helen walked to the side the doctor was on and stood near Stella’s shoulder, bent over and lightly kissed her older friend’s forehead. “Hey, beautiful, you’re going to an awful lot of trouble to be surrounded by pretty women. I think I’m jealous they get to be with you.”

Her eyes remained closed, but a smile creased her mouth. In a very faint voice, “You are such a tease, and you know how I love it.”

“Dear, the doctor says they gave you something to help you go to sleep. But, I will stay and be here when you wake up, okay?”

“Helen? Will you hold my hand until I am asleep?”

She looked at the doctor who nodded her approval. “Of course! Then, I don’t have to be jealous of these women.”

Stella smiled, again. She patted her much younger friend’s hand and only softly got out, “c***d, you are an angel sent to me by God, himself. Thank you, God …”

Helen looked at the doctor questioningly. She responded to the look, “We gave her very heavy d**gs. She’s out of it by now. She may still be able to distinguish your touch, but her mind is somewhere else right now. But, it sounds like a nice place.”

She looked over at us and Helen introduced us to her, as Stella’s regular doctor. “Not her regular doctor, Helen. I’m her specialist.”

“But, when she needed to talk to her doctor about being strong enough for … you know … she came to you. That’s not a specialist type question.”

“But in her condition it was.”

“Wait, I remember that visit. You said she was fine and there was no reason she couldn’t.”

“No, Helen, you weren’t hearing all the words. Miss Stella was very specific when we set up the appointment. This was her issue and it was up to her to decide if and when you were to be told. Helen, what I told her, my exact words, ‘You are in the same health condition you were at your last examination’. I was careful. That was only saying her ‘condition’ hadn’t gotten worse, and, as such, I saw no reason that she couldn’t do what she wanted.” She stopped for a moment and got a smile of her own, “I assumed she really did, too.”

Helen smiled, then blushed, “Oh, yes, she really did.”

“Good for her. Can you imagine, at 90 years old and she is still … active like that.”

The nurse was looking between the three women, the doctor, Stella, and Helen. She seemed quite bewildered by the conversation, undoubtedly not ready to accept what we actually being said.

It was nearly time for Tim to be getting out of the office and Stella was still not awake. I called him at the office and gave him a quick, short version of what was happening, then asked him to stop at the hospital, come up to the room quick and get us. That way we could leave my car for Helen.

A half an hour later, Stella was just waking when Tim walked in. As her eyes flickered open and flittered about the room taking in each face, she came to Tim, all the while her hand being held, again, by Helen. Tim walked directly to her side, bent over, and kissed her on the lips. “Hi, beautiful …”

“Timothy! For heavens, sake.” She looked at Mom and me, “You have to love a man who continues to sweet-talk you even after he’s been in your panties.”

Mom and I both laughed and our hands went to our mouths as we heard, “Well, that’s more than I needed to hear.” The doctor was just entering the room and joined us with a huge smile. “Clearly, there was no time being wasted.”

After a short visit, we decided to leave with Tim and I left my keys with Helen. Mom, of course, was fussing that it was already dinner time and Helen needed to eat something. Helen shushed her, that she could take care of herself. There was a cafeteria in the hospital or she could go down the street and grab a salad at the Panera’s we saw on the way in. Satisfied, at least I was, I took one of Mom’s arms and Tim the other and we marched her out of the room. I glanced over my shoulder with a smile to Helen. She blew me a kiss.

Helen pulled the chair closer to the bed so she could be comfortable for the stay and still hold Stella’s hand. “Okay, ladies, who’s going to tell me what’s going on?”

The doctor looked only at Stella. She was the patient and had already given strict direction about what was said to whom. Helen followed the doctor’s gaze and saw Stella give a nod of approval. The doctor leaned against the window sill, “Are you sure, Helen? It’s not pretty.”

She looked at Stella for several minutes, got part way up, and gave her a kiss to the forehead, then sat back down. “Yes, definitely. I want to know what we’re dealing with here.”

The doctor chuckled, “We? What we’re dealing with?”

She looked at the doctor, then to Stella, “Am I being presumptuous, Stella? Am I in the way of your family or you don’t want me here?”

“My family, no. They have been notified, but I don’t expect any support from there. But, dear, this … this is different. I can’t give you anything but grief and sorrow, now.”

“Okay, that settles it, I’m in this thing. Somebody talk.”

The doctor looked at Stella and laughed. “You found a keeper here, Stella.”

“Don’t I know it.”

“Okay, I’ll give you the short story, I’ll leave you two to talk more, there will be more tests tonight, and then tomorrow I’ll answer more of your questions. Okay?”

“Thank you, doctor.”

The doctor started talking and Helen felt her insides clenching up inside her with fear, terror, feelings of loss, hopelessness, and not knowing what she should do. Stella had bone cancer, the doctor probably said the actual name, but after ‘bone cancer’ Helen wasn’t hearing too much, anymore. It was the reason for panic after Stella fell in the barn. It was the reason she was gone so much, to the doctor and treatment regimens. She then talked about the tests tonight, her consultation with another specialist in the morning, and then a discussion of the results and options.

Helen wasn’t backing down, though. “How long can I stay with her? Can I stay as long as I want?”

“Technically, only family members have that privilege. But, you seem to be filling that role. Stella, I will leave it up to you.”

She squeezed the young woman’s hand, “I hate the idea of you fatiguing yourself on my account, but I think we would need security to carry you out.” She lifted the hand and kissed it. “You are such a beautiful c***d.” Both Helen and the doctor saw tears streaming down Stella’s cheeks. A smile creased her face with a thought, “Doctor, she is like a granddaughter to me. The granddaughter I wished I had. Can you break the rules with that? Mark her as my granddaughter?”

The doctor smiled, “Nothing would make me happier. Now, this is between us. Helen can’t be making decisions on your care, you understand?”

They both nodded with smiles and the grips of their hands became a little tighter. She didn’t know what was going through Stella’s mind, but she was bouncing back and forth between the sense of joy to be with her friend/lover and terrified of what she was getting herself into. Whatever it was, though, it wasn’t anything like what Stella would be dealing with, and she knew that. And, at the same time, this was another moment of recognition for her. Recognition of just how full and wonderful her life had become. Not that her friend was terribly ill, but that she had a friend so close that she was wanted, needed her in this time of trouble, a time that otherwise would also be so terribly lonely for her.

The doctor left and it became quiet as they waited for Stella to be taken for the tests. Helen was sitting, turning, and examining the hand she was holding, gazing, and inspecting the hand, the wrinkles, and the gnarled knuckles. But she wasn’t focused, it was an absentminded activity; her mind was busy on other thoughts. Through it all, Stella watched with interest, not sure if she should be bemused or concerned.

Helen happened to glance up and notice she was being watched. She became self-conscious. “What?”

“Nothing, just wondering what is going on inside that head of yours. There is something on your mind, dear, spit it out.”

“Stella … darn it … I thought we were lovers.”

“We are. And true friends. And I am also your grandmother.”

Helen smiled, “Yeah, that was good. You remembered what I said before.”

“Remembered? I have cherished it since you said it.” She squeezed the young woman’s hand. “Tell me what you’re working on, what are you thinking about?”

“Why didn’t you tell me? You should have told me about this. This is important.”

“No, it’s not. It is big, yes. It is scary, intimidating, yes. But … what we had, what you gave me … dear, that was important! The doctor thought I should tell you, too. Let’s face it, though, it would have changed everything. You would have worried, fussed, and doted on me. Don’t get me wrong, those are gifts, too. But, Helen, dear c***d Helen, you gave me LIFE! These months would otherwise be just dreams or fantasies for an old woman never to be realized. And … sadly … I would have ended up in the same place, in a hospital bed, but without those experiences. c***d, you are proof that the Church has it wrong about sex. I know He sent you to me, my own angel. My God, Helen! I remember in detail what it felt like the first time, when I washed you in the bath, remember? I do. Every touch and feel, how my heart caught as my hands moved over your wonderful body. I remember each and every bath we shared, me in front of you being held, or you in front of me, leaning against my body, your shoulders pressing into my breasts. We talked, we giggled, we touched … remember what you said … just two girls relaxing, sharing, and exploring. Two girls. How you could make me, a ninety year old, feel like a girl, I have no idea; you did, though.” They were both quiet for several moments, the hospital sounds from the hall coming in through the open door. “I remember the first time and every time you took me to my bed. The dog … oh my god … the dog! And Tim, what a beautiful man. In your house, in the family room, all of us naked and me on your Tim, he inside me and all three of you touching me, helping me, loving me.” Tears were in the eyes of both women. “Helen, I couldn’t tell you because I was being selfish. In the time I have known you, I have experience a lifetime of new things. Okay, maybe that’s an exaggeration, but what you’ve given me in that time was the greatest gift I could ever have received over a lifetime. And, it was all from love. If I had told you about this, you might still have loved me in a way, but it would have been as a caretaker. Do you understand the difference?”

Helen was kissing the other woman’s hand now. “Yes, I do. But, I am not losing you now.”

Stella smiled, “I don’t think that will be up to either one of us.”

Soon, though, Stella was wheeled out for the tests. It was going to be at least two hours. Helen went for that salad. She was thankful that she did order a salad because she found herself mindlessly eating, not putting any thought into what she was eating or how she was eating it. But, she couldn’t be critical of herself, either. There was still too much she didn’t understand or know. All she knew for certain was that her friend was very ill.

She was standing at the window, gazing at the nearly full moon overhead, when the attendants rolled Stella back into the room and transferred her back into her bed. Helen watched the process from the window to stay out of the way. But, once the transfer was complete and Stella was tucked into bed and the monitoring and IV equipment positioned properly, she moved alongside the bed and took up her hand, again. The only reaction Helen got was another squeezed of her hand. She looked at the attending nurse enquiringly.

“It’s okay. I think the tests were successful and they will be able to provide the doctors with the necessary information they will need for their consultation in the morning. The tests probably took a lot out of her in her condition. She might be out for the night. You might want to consider going home now and coming back in the morning.”

“But, the doctor said I could stay as long as I wanted.”

“I know, it is noted on her chart. But … it should be really quiet tonight. I was just thinking you could get some sleep yourself.”

Helen didn’t go home, of course. She had no intention of leaving unless they made her leave. She did call home, though, and give us an update. Unknown to Helen, though, we each called during the night as we woke up worried about her, so we bothered the nurses’ station during the night. Each time the answer was the same: She’s still sitting next to her; she’s asleep with her head on the bed; or, she was just seen pacing the hallway.

For the most part the night was quiet, although nearly impossible for Helen to really sleep well. She found she dozed a lot, but her sleep was fitful. Partially, it was the nature of the situation, partially because of the way hospitals function with nurses and attendants coming and going throughout the night to check monitors, IV bags and connection, and other assorted activity around the bed and her person.

It was shortly before morning when she finally fell into a deeply u*********s state from complete fatigue. She was sitting in the chair next to the bed, pulled up tight to the bed, with her head resting on the mattress under her folded arms. When the doctor came to check on Stella early in the morning before meeting with the other specialist, that is how she found her. Stella was awake, her hand, with the IV inserted into a vein on the back, was gently and carefully stroking the hair of the girl. Her attention was completely on Helen, not even aware of the presence of the doctor. The doctor, standing at the edge of the curtain used to separate the bed areas, noticed three things: Stella stroked Helen with the love and devotion of a mother to her young c***d; Helen, under the stroking, squirmed slightly as a cat might while being stroked; and, the tears in Stella’s eyes and on her cheeks.

Quietly, the doctor announced her presence, “Good morning, Stella. I will be going to meet with the other specialist to review the test results from last night and agree on options for treatment. But, I wanted to stop in first thing to hear how your night was.”

She looked up but returned her attention the Helen, “Okay, I guess. I know there were at least several times that I cried out, and found this one would be holding my hand and talking softly to me until the nurse could adjust the d**g drip. With her, I survived to fight another day.”

When Helen came to, she had a terrible crick in her shoulders and neck. She also found that Stella was out, again. The nurse was quietly checking monitors. “Good morning. She just went out. I think she was hoping to be awake until you woke but she didn’t have the heart to wake you. I think she will be asleep for a while. Why don’t you go down to the cafeteria and get some coffee and breakfast? Oh and I put a toothbrush and paste in the bathroom for you.”

When Helen returned she stopped at the nurses station to ask how Stella was doing. She was told the doctor was due up any moment. She was then told that her family had called three times during the night. She pulled out her cell phone and called while walking the hallway. We told her we would be up by midmorning.

As she was ending the call, “Helen?”

“Hi, doctor.”

“Let’s go in and talk to Stella. She wants you there, if you can. It’s not good news, dear. Can you be strong for her? She might need it.”

“Really bad news?”
Helen’s eyes were already welling up. The doctor took her into her arms, “Helen, you are so important to Stella. I don’t really understand the relationship, but you have taken over as family for her. We contacted them this morning, too, but they can’t get here. I feel bad for her, but at this age, it seems to happen too often. These old people just seem to be put aside and they find themselves all alone even when there is family in the area.” She look down into Helen’s face, wipe a tear from her cheek and smiled, “I think Stella is right about you, dear. For Stella, I think you just might be an angel from God.”


“Can you tell me before we go in there so I can be ready when she hears it?”

“That’s a good idea, actually.” The doctor took a deep breath, “As I told you yesterday, it is bone cancer, and it has spread aggressively. Actually, we were shocked to see the scans from last night. But, that’s the problem with this stuff; it can go on for years with little change or suddenly spread. We still know so little about it.” She took another breath and assessed Helen, “She is dying, Helen. And, it will be soon.”

“Soon?”

“Soon. You need to be ready if you are going to help her. When I say ‘soon’, I mean a day or a couple days. The pain you saw last night is only the tip of the iceberg. From now on, it will get progressive worse. We will, of course, suggest radiation, chemo, etc. as a last ditch fight against the inevitable. She will, I know, refuse all that. And, that is smart, but she already knows that.”

“A day or two? Worse pain? What’s going to be the protocol?”

“We’ll give her a morphine button. It will kill the pain, but it also kills her awareness of what is around her. She basically goes into a d**gged state, unaware of her surroundings.” She hugged the girl, again. “I am sorry, Helen. This is a lot to experience at your age. Did I over hear that your mom and sister are coming?”

“Yes, about midmorning.”

“Talk it over with them. I don’t want you unprepared, Helen. I am not trying to scare you, this is just real.”

“How do you do this doctor? I mean, you are specializing in this, you see it all the time?”

“It is hard, you’re right, and sometimes I ask myself the same thing. But, I hope that I can make it easier and the occasional wins make all the difference.”

They went in to talk to Stella after closing the door. Helen sat on the edge of the bed holding her hand and stroking it at the same time. Stella had similar question and concerns. There were tears all around.

Stella looked up at the doctor, “So, we finally know.”

“We finally know. I am sorry, Stella.”

Stella’s mind was already moving on. She didn’t mean to seem to be ignoring the doctor, but she was now onto Helen. “Helen, you have to go home. You don’t belong here. There isn’t anything else you can do.”

“No! You can’t do that!” She leaned forward and kiss the older woman on the forehead and then lightly on the lips. “I don’t know how to say this without sounding morbid … if this is real; you WILL NOT go by yourself, alone at that moment.” Helen was full out crying now, but her words continued somehow, “I think there is something big I can still do for you, love. You deserve it, too. When you go to your God, it will be enveloped in love, my love.”

“You are my angel. What did I ever do to deserve finding you in my life?”

“Lover … don’t you go looking at her nervously … you are my lover, and I am certainly not ashamed of that. I love you; you have shown me so much about life. There will be a corner of my very being that will be empty for a long time. And, if I am your angel, you deserve a whole army of angels.”

Helen found the days that followed hard. Very hard. Very, very hard. She thought she was prepared based on what she saw in the day and night already. She was wrong. Initially, Mom and I took turns being with her, one of us taking care of the kennel business and Tim, the other providing support in the background to our girl. It was hard for both of us not to be with her, even if we weren’t really of real help. Tim quickly put an end to the split duties, arranged for Juli to take over the kennel basics and suspending training schedules for the time being. For 39 hours, Stella had constant company and the vast, vast majority of that time was Helen. Mom and I spent our time touching, hugging, and sharing with Helen. One of us trying to pull her to the cafeteria or a short walk outside to divert her mind, if only for short spurts of time.

At the end of those 39 hours, we witnessed a battle of wills that shocked the doctor and hospital staff, while nearly drying up any of us with the ability to expend more tears. It was early evening; the blinds were open because it was dark outside. Helen was again, always it seemed, in the chair, immediately up against the side of the bed. Her mind was nearly gone from fatigue and emotional battle over these days since Stella arrived at the hospital. She had a dead look in her eyes as she watched the face of the woman, the screens of the equipment that indicated there was still life in the woman they were connected to.

The doctor walked in with other hospital attendants. Mom and I moved against the far wall and gave up room for them, but Helen held her position. At first, she didn’t seem to react, and then it seemed to dawn on her that something was happening or expected to happen. She looked up at the new people who entered with new recognition. In her fatigue, her grief, she had hours ago lost the social decorum of their professional status, and abruptly challenged the doctor with, “What are you still doing here?” She had already become used to the Hospitalists taking over at night and the attending doctors leaving unless called in.

She was used to dealing with patients and family under these conditions and reacting to the abruptness of the comments. “I need to talk to you for a moment, Helen. While we are, the nurses need to verify the readings on the equipment.” Helen was confused and so were we, but we followed them out in the hallway. The nurses at the station glanced up at us but diverted their eyes back to their work quickly. That made me only more suspicious. The doctor led us down the hallway to a visitor’s waiting room that was now empty. She pointed to a set of chairs for us to sit in while she pulled another in front of us. Mom and I took chairs on either side of Helen and instinctively took a hand.

“I know all of this has been hard.” She looked at all three of us. “You wouldn’t believe how many patients reach this stage completely by themselves, only the hospital staff to help and comfort them. And, by nature, training, and the need to survive ourselves, we tend to keep ourselves removed as much as possible from the emotional involvements. But, when a patient does have support and a loved one with them, we very frequently see this happen with the patient.”

“See what? I didn’t see anything different.”

“No, they don’t want you to. Stella doesn’t want you to see anything. If they can, they try to wait until after you leave … before …”

“Before they die? You think Stella is just waiting for me to leave?”

“Yes. I think that is what she is doing.” She was watching Helen closely, but shot looks to us as well to gage our support for Helen. “She wants to spare you the end. Remember, she is by now so full of morphine to deaden the awful pain that is consuming her body through the core of her marrow that is being eaten away. But, with the last bit of her strength and dignity, she is putting out a heroic show for you. Then, she can go.”

The three of our faces were wet with tears. My vision was blurred; I couldn’t imagine what Helen was going through right then. But, with a catching voice, “So, you’re here to … try to get me to leave? I don’t want to; I said I wanted to send her off filled with love.”

The doctor watched her and was weighing the situation, protocol, hospital preference, but most of all the best thing for her patient who was lying in the bed just down the hall, fighting with the last shreds of her strength and dignity. Finally, she seemed to come to a decision, “You should consider her wishes. She hasn’t verbalized this to any of us. Meet her head-on, tell her what you want to give her … but ask for her blessing, her acceptance. But, if she doesn’t want you to be here, honor that and give her that dignity of choice. I have come to recognize how deep your love is for each other. That love should reflect honoring her now … accepting her wishes over yours.”

Helen stared at her feet, then the doctor, then Mom and, finally, me. “You’re right. Of course, you are.” And, with that, she got up and returned to Stella’s room, wiping her face the entire way and clearing her throat to be able to speak clearly and calmly.

The end came quickly after that. The machines had been muted to eliminate the incessant beeping and buzzing. Instead, a nurse was stationed to visually monitor them and report changes. Helen walked to Stella’s bedside, but this time not to the chair positioned at the side of the bed with all the monitors and IV. This time she went to the free side, the side nearest the dividing curtain. She leaned over Stella, kissed her forehead, and quietly spoke to her. She was quiet, intending this to be between her and her friend. The hospital floor, though, was even quieter and we could just make out what she said.

“Stella, I need to say something to you. Can you squeeze my hand if you can hear me?”

All of our eyes moved immediately to the hand in Helen’s. Not Helen, though, she maintained her gaze on the face that now appeared truly her age, not at all the face we were so accustomed to. We saw the fingers move slightly, but distinctly.

Helen smiled, and then kissed the cheek nearest her. “I love you, Stella. I know you already know that, but we never get tired of hearing it do we?” Again, her fingers moved, nearly only a twitch. “The doctor said you are waiting for me to leave, to spare me the end. I don’t want you to, dear. I want to share this moment with you, to be with you in love. I said I wanted to have you filled with my love, I meant it. This is the last way I can express my love to you. I want to stay, to be with you. In fact, I want to lie with you like we have done before. Just one more time. Can we do that?”

I know every eye in the room was on Stella’s fingers as they moved more deliberately on Helen’s. I smiled, tears again taking over my eyes and wetting my face. Helen eased herself onto the side of the bed, careful of her friend. Once lying alongside her, she careful reached her arm across and I saw one of the nurses handling the lines and tubes to accommodate the action. Then, too softly for anyone to hear, she began whispering into Stella’s ear, kissing her cheek and whispering more.

Then, I became a basket case, completely losing it, and felt Mom’s arms around me. Did she do that to support me or for her own support. I would have to wait until later to find that out. But at that moment with Helen still whispering, Stella’s face changed. Her lips and mouth creased into her last, weak smile. For after that final effort, responding to her closest friend’s whispers … the monitor went straight-line.


* * * CHAPTER 58: HELEN HAWKINS (… OR STILLSON?) will follow * * * Thanks for reading.