Mistake And Triumph free porn video

mistake and triumph
a collection of written thought

by hugo carlos arreola


copyright 2012

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economy, non-wondrous?


These days many a person wonders about the economy;

each with his or her own definitive point-of-view.

A man named by the span of green fields

from the house of paper dissolved,

sits before a panel to discuss his view

and so the nation hangs by his word.

When his day comes to pass;

what will happen to it all?

It is unfortunate to say -

it will go on and simply continue in one fashion or another.


Similar to the situation with the man

named by the bark of her tree;

will the show go on with his inevitable passage into time.

It is unfortunate to say - most probably not,

though an attempt will be most surely be made.

I sit and listen to the radio in the morning.

Sipping on a cup of hot tea

I hear the various voices;

transmitted attempts to stimulate commerce.

‘Prices slashed; enjoy discounts every Saturday. Buy four and get one free.’


The next tune comes along to light up the waves

and so my mind dances in thought.

Walking into the house and through the kitchen,

one might hear the box of so-called entertainment on the counter

announce through the single paper speaker

something such as ‘no payments for eighteen months.’

Wow! The stack of papers with a date piles up on the counter.

Similar to the branded game made of simple blocks with a funny name;

how easy it is for that stack to fall.


The newly accepted, average member of the ‘real world’

coming out of a college education these days

most probably finds him or herself in a ditch.

May fancy dreams of the ultimate sports car,

owning a home,

money to burn in the back pocket,

and a personal digital gadget

filled with bacchanalian-type engagements.

Yes, it is a busy life for such an individual;

he or she may feel as though on flight

through a warm cushion of blankets and cake.

All the while,

this mediocre individual

has school loans to pay,

mobile phone bill every month,

and seemingly necessary cantina expenses.

Yes, the list goes on and on.


Frustration may be the summation of thought for a given dilemma.

Buy this, buy that.

Go to college; you need to do this, and you should do that.

Achieve, achieve, achieve.

Grow bigger,

make more sales,

more sales

and provide good customer service.

One size fits all;

this must be the right answer - the only solution.

Go, go, go.


All of this so-called buzz

is conducted in the name of progress.

Elect this man, elect this woman;

he or she spells progress for the people.

Always looking for something or someone -

anything to blame for the equation on the blackboard

being ultimately incorrect.


Sitting with a clicker in hand,

we wait and hope;

perhaps we pray.

We wonder -

when will the invisible hand come along

with the magic answer key in the back of the textbook.


Let us suppose for a brief moment in time

that we were wrong.

Okay, good.

Mistakes create learning;

the same may be applied to the greater of sum of the single individual.

The world has become complex;

simple truth has all but lost its voice.

I once read from a scroll of wisdom hidden in a cookie of fortune

'it is simple to make something difficult; it is difficult to make something simple.’

How many times did you fall before you learned to ride a bicycle?

How many times did you go over your A-B-C's before you picked up your first book?

How many times did you attempt to pick up the telephone before you finally called the person of your dreams for a night out on the town?


At some point in the near future,

a person wins the ultimate bicycle race so many numbers of times.

Someone authors the book that shakes a nation in revolution of thought.

Two people will live in a sort of love and have a baby or two.


We are all here together on this planet

with a number of beliefs to tell the tale of truth.

A man of song

once said something in relation

to a fire burning before any of us were even here.


Embrace differences as strengths,

to come together in a common bond of birth with 'ten fingers, ten toes.'

Sure, every now and then one may arrive

with an extra toe or one less hair on the head than the rest.

The same origin is still common.

Simple truth; it has always been there.




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picture, space.
Walking around in the room

one may notice the various moments.

All captured by the frame -

a shutter, snap.

The moment frozen in time,

placed behind the glass.

For all to see;

what will they all say?

Some will pass on by

without a single moment

spent on thought

regarding

the said moment.

Why?

Not all concern is

always focused around the center.






There are multiple

of what we deem to be a center

and from that,

arrives the illusion.

Surrounded by it

as the sphere of existence

no matter what is done.

Escape, release, is not possible

by any means

within the realm of

our awareness.

Stand back to look above it;

there is always another step

available to you in the reverse.

As we walk down whatever path

is before our feet,

we move along a particular

set of events.

As has been said -

'the only way to go back - is through.'

Go forward -

one more space on the gaming board.

------


activity and time




Wait,

what will happen to it all?

While in paused motion

as the waters move in perpetual flux.

The round mass is in same movement.

Dynamic happenings are

in, out, around, outside,

within and all over.

Constant change;

delta, rise over run -

the inevitable.

As was mentioned before,

a hundred short revolutions around our center

is the breadth and depth of our stay, as we know it.

Your beginning and your end are marked.

The question at hand is what will you do while you’re here?

Choose one thing and do it.

Keep up the said activity and something will happen.

That is guaranteed.

What exactly will occur is up in the air.

We are guided by the myriad of decisions

that occur over the flutter of a butterfly and its wing.

We are all connected -

bound together -

here together.

All actions resonate upon each other.

The physics we cannot see, as most occurs

outside the realm or range of our perception.

Yet it still occurs.

It is all a matter of degrees around the sphere.

How many of those mark the distance or position,

from your next meeting with whatever or whomever.

Only time...





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school, an idea.


Our school system failing, c***dren have no idea what is up ahead. Difficult questions are not asked; at some point in the future - parents will die. The long of the short vast majority of us have no trust fund lying in wait. c***dren are overwhelmed with a heap of generalized garbage in school. Most of which will never be used post school. School ought to be simple. Teach us to read, write, add, subtract, multiply and divide. Once completed, send us out into the world supervised or mentored of course; some of us may even return with questions. A few of us may even have the hunger for more knowledge; we may seek to satiate the need to know more of that, which captivates their mind. Though, I could be wrong, this is after all, only one idea.



life, a scam?


Scams are the duality in life. A matter of perspective, we all have it. All want to believe we are right. Want so very badly to be on the winning side; all the while having the other side be wrong. The thing hilarious is that we are all right. Life as the casino is a scam. Keep playing long enough and the house will take you. This is out of your control; cannot do anything about it. The ‘odds’ are not in your favor. Here is a suggestion. Take a step back and gain perspective. 'Things are never what they seem to be, and are always what they are not.’



everyone vital.


Random thoughts follow a pattern. Deep, dark secrets of a past dug up by making the connection. An association made with another; a more prominent thought is near in sequence to that which is clouded by darkness. Thought responsible for connection, a catalyst as a trivial thought - yet, responsible for such horrid illumination into a dark chapter that up until the moment has been shelved in the archive of the mind. Now open, on the table. Nightmares surface as synapses fire, in and around the once dormant area. Thought to be in slumber though not. All connections present; the key to its existence, at times may be found under a welcome mat. Upon entry, what was thought to have been trivial - turns out to be vital. Just as all points of information are important in some way - so are all who reside on the same sphere of existence.



pancake illusion


Open range, closed. Magic, gone. Holidays are a commercial opportunity. War on terror equals an economic agenda. Mom and pop replaced by the big mart. Paper currency is dissolved. Short-term fixes are ever-present. Concern over image means withered substance. In a mission for knowledge the fall is inevitable. Grimm heard knocking at the door. Mind on the future, forgot the here and now. Market forecast, tellers of fortune and creators of speculation.



Step taken in the reverse, flip that pancake - time to cook the other side. At the turn, one may see the same side. Drowning in the illusion that one side tastes better. Construction begins early - borders, barriers - attempts to prove one side over the other. And yet, another step back - one may look 'into' the mix, illumination. All cakes come from the same matter.



half or both


Here is just a thought. ‘Glass half-empty.’ ‘Glass half-full.’ Get over it - you're both. Everyday we find ways to divide ourselves. Take a step back and just appreciate the fact that you have water to drink.



round of importance


Frustration is the sole provider of an anger that arises from a nation with its grip around the neck. It is an attempt to get every drop of water out of the towel. And so the crowd with sunglasses on in the middle of a dark room with no light watches the silver screen in terror. What will happen next? Everyone knows ahead of time as the latest poll has the ending numbered as the final question of the survey, as spoken from the lips of the person with no name.



Feeling all gone now - only a blur left over from the day before. There is an unwavering fog of indecision and fear. c***d never falling from the proverbial bicycle learns no lesson. The illusion of safety made real by the u*********s mind dying in the ‘real world’.



Music is heard playing as loud as can be; celebration goes on in the background. Standing up, the head feels heavy and disconnected as the music continues. Encore - the crowd yelling as the eighth round of importance is passed around. More and more music sends the head spinning. Though still standing, there is pretense of complete control. Inside - what is up is down and what is left has left. The thought crosses the mind - where is this going? A voice on the shoulder says ‘progress.’ Suddenly the music man pauses for a commercial break. Announcement - 'the music you are hearing is brought to you by you; enjoy more of the importance and continue to do as you do. Thank you for taking the time to listen to this message.' Round and round the room went. All were merry and joyous as flat screen wall flashes the associated cost.



Memory serves us best in a nostalgic manner. Ha, ha, ha - we all laughed as the tenth round was passed along and around the crowd. When will this come to a halt? The room spun around the crowd. More and more laughter is heard as the thirteenth round came about in steady fashion. And so - smack, boom, and blink - the lights went out. There is always a fall. Inevitable.



foot on gas


Pressing the foot on the gas, one might stop to think; where am I going on automatic? There is so much concern over the destination. We have to get there. We need to arrive - and then what? Turn it around; look inside yourself, and take the journey of discovery. Vast is this odyssey with so much to see, and many a path to explore. Proverbial is this road; it is as expansive as the stars. Lose yourself. A destination is waiting for you at the end. Switch over into manual. Explore the inner workings of the mind, the land - the journey. Many instances of pain will come across your path. Always gain perspective and 'stay the course.' The key is to always remember when you met bottom; it is your point of origin for reference - onward.



fallen, broken, moving


Dreams - instantly, thoughts of a future; feelings of a comfortable warmth from within a heart beating for tomorrow. And then - it happened - taking a step back, a realization is made. I was once drawn by the joining, but now driven by perpetual forward motion. Fallen - that which was once sought from within the darkness. Broken - forced to look inside the place once feared. Face to face with the greatest challenge provided by an existence of one hundred short revolutions around a center.



All so evident now – I am moving forward. Days are numbered - stepping back once again - each one is lived as if the last. At times - taking notice of the darkness and all of its harsh perfection. Overpowered by emotion, I take time to weep. Still driven - keep moving.



struck down, reminded


Boom - struck down a truth ever-present. Withered innocence to the core of self - centered. Onions cut in half to reveal all in the midst of wet eyes. Broken - perhaps crushed - the flower finds a way to feel the sun and allow the course to follow.



A heart ravaged by the flame of entry – through pain - the doorway is found. Strength derived from a source greater than the sum of all parts - brings forth a will to take the next step, if it is so chosen. Walking, now with scars - vision is possible. Though still heavy with the nightmares of nights past, a balance is found movement becomes possible. Let go. It will always be with you; as a source of knowledge.



price paid


I am awake within the nightmare, conscious during the dream, and aware of self. The thin line is now a blur as it becomes transparent. Book is open on the table - each page written, now only one at a time. All that matters is seen within confines of a single page - pictures, illustrations and all.



Pain felt early morning - the mind is in the turmoil of clarity. My feet are on the ground, pressed firmly as if the talons of an eagle piercing through the flesh of its meal. Higher function is reduced to nothing. I’m at the mercy of nature. Broken down - priority is made simple. Remember to breathe - it will all be over soon. Pump, pump - the heart is still beating. Still here. The string is still present. In circulatory fashion, the revolution continues to the day when the string will be gone. Now that the sun has risen, smiles and laughter are ever-present; the price has been paid. Move one space over on the gaming board.



big bad news


Sitting in the cramped room I am surrounded by anxiety. I look around. I look around. A tremor is apparent in both hands. The room feels cold. I feel hot. A slight knock is heard at the door; she walks in. She is short though tall in stature - powerful, even. My hand is shaken; greetings and minor pleasantries are exchanged. Her eyes meet mine, news delivered. Big, bad life-altering news is given.



Eyes are drowned in tears - though only a few manage to fall. A fog, a haze, a cloud of confusion and dark sadness envelops me. What happens now? Under the surface it gathers and grows; the anger - though not yet realized.



All the while, a further explanation is being made as to the possible how and why. Listening intently though at the same time not. Retreat into my mind; racing at who knows how many miles a minute. Hear and feel my heart beating - pump, pump - strong with emotion.



Ah snap - what to do now. I stand up, shake hands, and walk out the door. Out to my car, a call to make.



connected, seemingly.


Walking down along the street. Arm up, bent at the elbow with device in hand. Head bent down, eyes glued to the device. All the while, maintaining a shuffled walk of fluid movement. Never a step missed, seemingly. No look to the right; no look to the left. Certainly, no look is made in direction upward. With so many others in the same described manner; it is just short of miraculous no collision takes place.



Sitting there on the bench, I see said individual and begin to wonder about connection. We are all so ‘connected’ these days. Sorrowful to say; the more we feel we’re connected to each other out there, the less connected we are inside. Seemingly.



decision made


Standing on the precipice, a decision is made. Taking one step forward means one thing. The end, lights out - darkness; that is all there is to it. Argument can be made for this direction. There can be an end to the pain inside, real or imagined. No longer having to put up with others or more simply, because you just want to.



Taking a step back and turning around, means something else altogether. It gets to continue. There is a tomorrow; you get to see what happens next. ‘Life is pain.’ It must be felt daily. Embrace the pain. There is no pleasure without said pain. Sometimes, this decision is needed daily. And so, why are you here? A decision is made.



path chosen


Darkness, surrounds as the struggle to find the light takes place. There is a search for meaning among the suffering; the pain that is existence. Many troubles fall upon the journey. The end is known but not known. The beginning is known; so known - it is marked on paper and observed once every turn.



Once the light is found, certain confusion may arise as another dilemma is upon you. With the light present, many, many a path are noticed and seen. Which one to take, follow? A long while spent in a period of indecision. Next are possible fear, probable anxiety and all the likely a most probable looking back. There is a desire to return, and go back to the darkness.



What was once thought to be difficult, almost unbearable, suddenly feels inviting. Ah, but here is the sticky part - one can never go back. The only way available is forward movement. So the look forward is made and a dry swallow. A path is chosen, forward. Not to worry; another time of choosing will present itself.



routine


Sun rising, the day begins. And so the routines of life ensue. One may see this as boring. You say, ‘Oh great, routine. But where, oh where is my needed excitement.’ You may even say, ‘Come on forget routine, dammit! I have a zest for life’.



Without certain routine things are forgotten. It’s what keeps us moving forward. Not to misunderstand. It is important to make note; do not get stuck with tunnel vision. Thereby getting so locked and finding yourself unable to adapt and move forward. Sun goes down, the day ends.



the chase


Good dream, bad dream; all that is done is a chase for a dream that is not actually there, physically. Living for an ideal, picturesque situation. Wanting it, believing that it is there does not make it so, number one. It’s simply a myth perpetuated by the vast commercial interests of a giant. It’s the wild machinations of math and its statistics.



Oh well, we choose to live in, among, within the dream. Who knows, it could happen, maybe. It is a most probable long shot. A word of note - this is living for the tomorrow. Perfection, can be found right here in the living for today. Maybe.



cloud, no answers.


We are all so healthy, so green, so fit. Or are we? So convinced we know the answers on the test. So smart are we? So many illnesses still with no cure found. Ah, but the treatments; yes, treatments are a plenty.



c***dren are balloons floating on this supposed cloud of entertainment. They believe in social this and social that. The globe warming is the runaway train. Cannot be slowed, stopped or recycled away. All is done to feed the need to gain more power, our fault. There is the all-pressing, unchecked need, desire to expand and procreate.



Round and round we go. But wait I’m not naïve. Power is needed to continue this game; without it we are to up against the wall. And who wants that? No one.



Where do we go from here? There are many problems in our existence. There is no magic answer. A fall will most probably take place. How, when, where - anyone can guess. That is unknown.



on pause.


First step is taken, hesitation. Next step is taken, hesitation. Next step is taken in smooth movement. Next step is taken, hesitation. Damn. Will this ever cease? It’s called freezing, a symptom of the overall condition. Fluid movement is now rare. Trapped as if paused in thought, momentarily anyway. Someone, please press play. Damn; wish there was a reset function on this thing.



possible, probable answer.


When you are down where do you begin to pick up the rubble that has become your life? When you are down, all that is seen, that can be seen - is the unraveled tapestry that is your life. Clear confusion, serious sadness and bright darkness take over. There is a cloud of fog over and through the mind.



Wander through the maze. Not sure of the exit. Looking up, one may see the salvation direction. There is a possible, probable answer to the problem. Following this new direction you may yet encounter obstacles along the way. So captivated by the possibilities present in this new light, you stay on course. Continue forward. It just may be possible to find a way out of this maze.



all around


A miasma of feelings and emotions surrounds me. Confusion, surprise, sadness, joy, exhaustion, anger and many more fill me inside, outside and all around. Not sure of where to go or why. Ability or non-ability to gain needed paper consumes my mind. Not needed at present but will be in the time ahead. Why? Not to worry. I’m not naive. For it’s known that it’s currently important and needed for survival before the fall. Will success be found among the blinding darkness? Time is needed.



looking up


From a distance, I see the stars. Knowing. Time machine. Looking into the past. There are so many bodies up there. How wondrous. We are but a stitch in this tapestry. This is the continuum of space and time.



So caught up in the minuscule fragment of it all. We are simply a breath amongst the vast amount of wind. A round center sends out time to a third from to give warmth and living. Just as our own center pumps out warm red to give living to the whole. How wondrous.



Once again, looking up into the past - reminded of my own past. Bad decisions, wrong choices made. Looking down at the rubble is a constant reminder. There is a constant struggle for a better soon to be the past.



Looking up, knowing it cannot be altered. Sooner, rather than later you must look down. Focus on today. Only that can alter tomorrow.



clarity


Bad decision consumed one after the other. You are on the wrong road, wrong way, and wrong direction for so long. Many a bridge is burned. Dialing while under many a time. Many statements of supposed supreme importance made to many. Thought to be on cloud number three times three. Stick of smoke in hand while chatting it up about health and fitness. You smoke a cloud of confusion. There is a crazed wandering through maze of fog. So many bad, wrong responses - stupid moves on the board. Then you have a fall. Smack, boom, you hit bottom. You experience the proverbial moment of clarity. Lesson learned.



in moderation.


As the rain falls on my head, I feel the light sprinkle. A slight tingle felt. It is an odd feeling. Good. Comfortable. I’m standing there and feeling it. The sprinkle turns to standard rain. Water washes over me. My hair, though cut short, absorbs it as though a sponge. Droplets begin to form at the tips of my hair. They fall to my face and ears.



I look up. Open my mouth and take it in. Refreshing. Simple moments are the most enjoyable. Continue standing in the rain. My shirt goes from damp, to wet, to being soaked. My body begins to lose heat. I’m now cold. I step back, out from under the rain. I must now go change clothing. Things must be done in moderation.





collision, blank, then black


At your exact moment of birth, death enters your door. No knock. No doorbell. It does not even wait for an invitation to enter. There is no room for anger. It cannot be prevented or stopped. Tick tock tick tock, the sands of time flow through the clock one grain at a time.



And the water was calm. The only disturbance was that of two runners skipping over and through the water. Weaving through and around each other as though great skill were possessed. One wrong direction is taken during the weave and the seemingly sudden collision. Time seems to slow down. No memory is present or available of the hit. Blank, boom and it all goes to black.



Face down - bobbing in the water. Life preserver serves its purpose. Suddenly awake - a blur - blood all over. Pulled out of the water and able to make it back to shore. Made it out with eight broken, near shattered, teeth and a contusion under the chin the size of a baseball. Not taken that day, fortunate. Thankful. Still have more sand with which to work. Tick tock tick tock.



level of function


There - that night or group of days and nights, having the time of my life. Celebration. Only one worry, concern; take it on time to function. Otherwise there is no worry or concern, though am ever cognizant of the time. A certain balance is found, acquired via trial and the error. So onward we go with the celebration. On that floor, dancing the night away. There is so much diversion. Dancing with so much heart, confidence and gusto. A circle forms and the dancing continues in circular fashion around a center. Can hardly believe what is happening. It just is. Wow. As the beats pulse through the body, the sweat flows. Still keeping an eye on the time. Time, aware of it. Seem to have plenty of it. The end of the night arrives. Good times are dictated by the time on the watch and the level of function present.



dosage


Take it. It’s time. Breathe in. Breathe out. Wait for it to kick in; it does. The daily activity can continue. Balance found. Keep an eye on the time. A certain anxiety builds; along for the ride is its cousin, tension. Keep an eye on the time. The day goes on. Is it time yet? Almost. Anxiety is still there; a constant state of panic felt. A headache is ever-present. And the day continues. Is it time yet? Tick tock. Almost. Almost. I’m almost there. I can make. Anxiety is still there. Tick tock. It’s time. Take it. Breathe in. Breathe out. Wait for it to kick in. It does and ah nirvana. Proper function achieved.



tension, calm mind.


Dystonic spasm. The body, muscles bend out of your control. Building tension. Burns. Still bending. Pain. It hurts. Oh the glorious pain. A new level of concentration gained; intense focus. Time dilation. All is quiet and still. Bent body under extreme tension appears to be still, though vibration waves seem to be visible. Focus is maintained. Deep thoughts race through the still mind.



A heat builds, gradually builds. Burning muscles ache. Inwardly calm and at peace. Focus on my center. Remember to breathe in and out. Continue to focus.



Time passes and tension begins to fade. Breathing. Focus on breathing. Pain begins to dissipate. More time passes. Concentrate on the pain. Mind is calm. Cooling begins. Focus. It will soon pass and be over. Time passes. Body is no longer bending. Ah, thank you.


excited, yet calm


Looking into the mirror every morning, something dark is seen. Reflection. Focus is on the eyes. They are dark brown and deep with intensity. Concerned with many a thing; perhaps even worried. A glance is made to right. A look is made to the left. Nope. Go back to the eyes.



A leap forward, inward, is made. Journey is made to the internal. What’s found? A flame newly kindled. Most probably is fueled by the fury of adrenaline. Will soon burn hot. Soon. Excited, yet calm and composed. What? Warmth radiates throughout. Moving outward. Blinking. Again seeing the reflection. A warm illumination felt, seen behind the darkness.



short-lived


There is seemingly only a fortnight between each day of celebration or remembrance. Round and round we go. Many are almost placed in strategic manner as to stimulate commerce. The giant never sleeps. I look around and I see many a thing. And the anxiety builds, gradually builds. Overstimulation. Frustration grows. It’s not quite anger, but simple frustration. It simmers. There are many days of gift giving. A sense of elation achieved with each gift delivered. The completion is short-lived. Acceptance. Oh well. This is how it is now. Give in to it; you know you want to. Be part of the whole; go with the said flow. Ride the wave. There is no need to over-think or analyze. You need to enjoy it, live it, and celebrate. Round and round we go. Let go. Feed the giant and giggle your way down the paved street. Enjoy.



vivid color


Waves of color wash over and through the mind. Two wires run through, into really. A constant pulse emits and brings living, life back into being. The colors are so vivid. World is now more or less wide open. These colors each present themselves on the wall. The warmth, coolness and weirdness of them all enter the mind as well. All surrounded by the darkness. The stellar feeling of amazement and wonderment felt on the fingertips. See; look back to the time when they were laid down in a fury of emotion. Still lingers there beneath the cool warmth of the surface. Black. Red. White. Followed by the blue. It works. Not convinced? Take another look and see that it does. It feels right.



growth and time


Seemingly tapped out as the juice seems to ebb and flow. Frustration. Must finish it. Up and down the sinking thinking goes sideways. Sometimes it feels as though there is not a way available. How to proceed? Forward. Yes. I know, I know. Go away for a quick minute; let the thinking commence. As it is being written, realize that not every day, moment can be spent in, under the sun. Yes, yes it can be. Just need the proper amount of time. No rush. Plant the seed. Remember to water it. For growth you need time.



in ashes and forward


Saying goodbye. Memories all go into the pyre. Dancing flame. Into the past they go and cannot be retrieved. Good. Needed to let them go. A great weight now lifted. Relief. Evidence now buried in ash. Long gone. Am able to move forward. For in the past I was living too close to the sun. Serious sun damage is now present in the mind. Oh no. What to do now? Nothing to do but to move forward working with the cards in hand; I’m ready to play the game. The board is unknown; discoveries to be made. Oh no. I’m now moving through dark waters and unable to see into the depths yet. Ready for it though not. Oh no. Night vision is gained, navigating.



gradual demise?


We arrive seemingly as if out of woodwork and into the fray. That is how it is in here. At birth, we are spit out into an unfriendly, almost hostile world. Oh yes. It’s miraculous we make it at all. With all the troubles of today, will we find a way through as a whole? We most probably will not. Unfortunate. Waiting for the fall up ahead, around the bend. It will most probably not be sudden but gradual. What will we do about the almost assured depletion of the oil? Who can say? Living in the deluded nature of our lives, we sit and wonder about everything but what matters. Oh well. Moving on, forward.



night fight


It used to be - Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. We would go out to the clubs and cantinas for a night of drinking and dancing. Oh yes. What fun and diversion.



On one excursion in particular the blood flowed from the nose of this one guy. All happened over an insult to a lady. I believe it to have been a valid hit to the face. Young eyes have never seen so much blood up close. It seemed close from a mere ten feet away. Smack. Crunch. And suddenly the adrenaline sends the mind racing down the street. There are so many thoughts. Will I get in trouble for having witnessed the act? Will the five-o arrive? Was that nose broken? Oh snap - what now? Still having fun though not.



Immediate action is taken. Run, run, run; get out of there. Get to the car. From the back seat, a hurried conversation between a boy and girl is witnessed. Time to go. We drive away into the night.



deep end


Dulled senses. Ability to recognize such is slightly diminished. I miss the glorious pain. It is so real. The beats pulse through the body and so I go on. I’m alone with my thoughts. Plenty of time to think, ponder, and consider. A path is found I think. Pump, pump - the beats flow through, around me. Alive, living - oh yes, what fun. Oh joy. Is it? There is still a bit of confusion just under the surface. Oh no - what now?



Bring on the pain. Focus is needed. Burning within in a fury of emotion, possibility, and probability. The music continues and so I go on. The road is long. Into the days and nights I proceed, continue. Even still with dulled senses am still able to recognize that which is deep. Far down below, where true substance is found, seen, felt, lived. Pump, pump and the beats continue to flow. Games played here and there. Assured is the entertainment and diversion. Go. Go. Coming and going around full circle. Hanging out with pain as the companion. Focus on the deep end of the pool. That is how it crumbles. Time is needed. Will make it to the other end. Focus.



circle


Living in the woods. Isolated yet whole. All around the birds sing their song; chirp, chirp and a tweet. The sun is shining and its rays are focused on the ground through a busyness of branches, needles and leaves. Suddenly all goes silent and still. A predator has entered the area; hunting during the day? Oh yes. The sun still shines. The day goes on; round and round we go. Oh wow. The music of life returns to the woods. Oh good. Safe. Are we? The light is now covered, blocked by clouds - dark clouds. It begins to rain. Light then heavy rain falls, pours. The surrounding area is given water to quench a thirst. Ah. Round and round we go. The rain stops soon. The drying begins. Some time later, embers from a fire start a larger fire. Escape. Home is lost to the fire. Oh well. The surrounding area is now burning. Fire is soon winked out by more rain. Some time later the rain stops and the sun shines through warming and drying the area. The song of birds soon returns. It goes on, continues. Round and round we go.



no great insight.


Sometimes I want it, need it, so wish I had it. Got to have it. So curious as to what it entails. I’m talking about the knowledge of tomorrow. Oh no. It’s impossible to know. Have you a form of magic called a time machine? No such nonsense is necessary. All that is needed is simple yet not. Look at today. Extrapolate. Tomorrow will enter your vision. It’s simple, right? The answer is not simple but more than difficult. There are so many variables, possibilities, and probabilities. All outcomes are possible; though few, in fact, are probable. It’s the way of the world. This is no great insight. Hop onboard and go for the ride.



surface and depth


Living on the surface, all seems, appears brilliant and new. No need to look beyond the obvious. What else is there? Not much or nothing. Living beyond your means; out of control. Lofty statements of supposed meaning and importance are made. Delusions, illusions are all the same. Nothing has consequence. You are unable to see what is ahead. No idea. Unconcerned.



If fortune shines upon you, a fall will take place. If you are luckier still, a death will take place. If the lesson is learned, a resurrection of sorts will occur.



You are still aware of the surface and its brilliance. You now put it aside. Now you are able too see into the depths. You are able to see the meaning behind the obvious. Now living within your means; in control. Fewer statements made, if any. Beauty is seen among the ordinary. Everything has consequence. You are able to see what is ahead. Now you are concerned with ideas.



music and courage


Bottoms up; wait awhile and the transformation is complete. Confusion is now gone and gone. Everything is so clear. Bold, courage is now available. Power. You have delusions of grandeur. Oh my, oh my. Crazed expressions. Chatting it up about who knows what with anyone. Up and down the music plays with your head. The beats move the feet. The music stops. Time to go?


among madness


The mind wanders; it is difficult to maintain focus. Oh no. There is ongoing, constant discomfort. Heat radiates. Release of tension is seemingly impossible. There is a tight string around a body. Walking around, anxiety takes hold of the reigns. It is difficult to let go. I want to hold on all the same. Need to hold on. Sanity is maintained among the madness. Love felt. I’m sticking around; not leaving. The violin in the back room keeps playing the game. Must play. Listen.



embrace


There is less dopamine; pleasure is diminished. Having experienced a thing. Little excitement is felt, if any. Boredom. Not the desired outcome. Not wanted. Nothing can be done. Oh well. Must travel into the arms of imagination. It’s limitless, seemingly. Ah yes. Within this embrace all is possible. With dopamine or no. It is warm. Love it; all doors open and available.



more questions


Started with a stiffness, tightness, and tension. Difficulty; minor at first turned unrestrained annoyance. It’s a perpetual obstacle. Something is not right with the whole. Trouble, further developed. Slipping on dry pavement. What? Consultation sought out; an answer, semi-solution is eventually found. Problem thought to be solved. It was so - for quite some time. Then, more obstacles mount. That is it; the thing of it. Answer sought out and soon found only to turn around and be confronted with more questions. It’s all about obstacles and problem solving.



dyskinesia


Overstimulation, lock up and hesitation. It’s the personification of the whole. It’s unfortunate but true. Dyskinetic movements are not fun. They are uncontrolled impulsive activity. Leading down the road to trouble. Oh no. Oh my.



There is grit between teeth; angry, frustrated with outcome. Can I change my answer? Pretty please. Over stimulated. Should I go left? Should I go right? Cannot decide; too many options. Standing there playing with the outdated yo-yo while focused on device. Oh no. Watch out below.





reading


Up, down – then turn around to see the reading material before you. Take it all in. Let it grow, inside. Imagination fires up, lights on. It grabs hold of you. Captivates you for an extended period of time. Find a subject, genre to your liking, flavor or taste. Read this, read that; read everything within the prevue of your interest. Reach out, and grab the pages in hand. Explore it. Feel its tentacles reach inside you, sliding up into your mind. Grabbing hold. This is important; too much viewing, not nearly enough reading. Be bold; go that extra mile. Do it. Try it. Do not listen to suggestion about what to read, at first. Find your own rainbow. There is surely treasure awaiting you.





on movement


More specifically – it’s a movement disorder. It hijacks your life. Makes you want the other side. Would not wish it on anyone. Makes you almost pray for cancer. At least, with that there is an end in sight. Instead, the endless annoying torture continues ensues. Dark path traveled. Struggle to find the light at any turn. It’s there; it has to be. The gravity of the situation captivates me. Must find a way through this garden of thorns.





no gluten


Suddenly free of so many problems. Answer found. Gluten-free. Blinding light. Dust clears and I’m able to breathe. No longer the crazed expressions of the body. I’m so glad. Three parts of four now free to enjoy the day. New recipe for sanity achieved. So thankful; oh joy. Bright warm sun, cold rain, and freezing wind – I’m able to enjoy them all. Crazy happy. Right?





four hours


Imagine this: only able to get four hours of sleep at a time. Crazy stuff. Right? At one point, for a long time – complete truth. Sleep cycle thrown off the tracks. Derailment. Unable to relax body enough to gain actual rest. Walking on a razor-thin edge. Anxiety-fueled existence. Living in a constant state of panic. Crazy stuff. Right?





fight it


Holy snap, death does not an answer make. I saw it. Never give up, my dude. There is always a new venture around the corner. Try it; you will love the taste. Exciting, is it not? Oh my. Fight. Fight. Fought. Only one shot given. Reach out and grab that helping hand. Survive. Failure upon failure does not mean the end. It’s a time for learning. Sometimes, must go big or not at all. Tested, time and time again. Go for it; survive and see the following day.





what?


Cut me up. Tie me down. Judge me all you want. The answer will remain. It’s that simple. Lights on. Lights off. It’s all the same. Up or down; the answer is not clear. Rise and be seen, counted. Wise up my friend. Whistle. Make your presence known to the people. Bearing gifts? There is plenty of insane behavior to go around and be shared. Place the blame anywhere, please. It works. Crazy is wrong, right? Do it over and over again, please. Do it. Again. What? Meet me here on this spot tomorrow. Why? Well, just because I said so. Hey, listen up; I’m talking. You listening? Huh, what?





dbs


Right side controlled by the left. Left side controlled by the right. Working together as a whole. Balanced on the outside (sort of). It’s not perfect. Complete imbalance found inside. Currently, three point two on the right and two point three on the left. On top of that further internal imbalance is found. As two contacts are open on the right, while only one is open on the left. This inward imbalance is working together to keep me functioning on the outside.





brain surgery


There, flat on the table. I’m in the cold room. Naked though covered. Awake, completely. Surrounded by so many people working for success. Notice two mathematicians working at the foot of the table. Strange. Room is so cold. Massage administered to help keep muscles loose. Insertion into the brain causes an intense feeling of pressure and discomfort. There are four long hours of it. At the end of it was able to thank some cats.





light bulb


It is near torture waiting for it to be turned on. Time, a humorous entity; when waiting for it to pass, it seems to go slower. It passes and it’s time. It is turned on. It is as though a switch is flipped to the ‘on’ position turning the light bulb on. The relief is instant. Feels oh so good. Pleasure. Ah. Thank you. Pain and discomfort lessened. Over time, baby steps taken to up the level to bring back proper function. The light bulb is on.





old images


Looking through the many images, I am reminded of good times. Back, years ago in the beginning after the end. Everything is so fresh and new, yet old and comfortable at the same time. The light of day shines down on the body. All is awash in awakening blinding light. Vision is now possible. Oh yes. So glorious was the time. Can be revisited in memory only, as certain specific synapses fire within. And these memories brought to mind are good. Brought into being by looking at some old images. Wondrous.





the wall


There are too many, so many options. Caught up in the moment. No angels in sight to watch over. Falling off the ledge a thousand beats per minute. Going too fast. There is no one to catch it. Still makes a sound; it fell. Where is it? Going on and on it will not be still. There is a tremor among the winds. It’s gone; it fell. Blocked by the wall. Stand up. Blind men are looking at you. Blind women are glaring at you. What will you do? The future. Go on and do it. Come on, I dare you; triple dog style. Jump and fly away as the birds do. Free are they? Always looking for a place to land. Cannot even imagine it. Wait – yes I can. Trapped. Skilled and unskilled are still doing it the whole time. Continue.





dark room


Crazy is not crazy. Let us see what you make of it. Inward, outward – that is what. Reverse it to the middle. Circle around and find it. Do you see it? There it is. Wrong in front of you. See; what is it? I know; you do not. There is one thing only. It’s one finger worth. See it? Come on now. Indulge yourself; try it. Simple. Just let it flow through you. Let it carry you. Next in line can I help you? Yes. Wake up call; it is right there in front of you. Oh snap! The room must still be dark for you. So sorry, please try again at a later date.





resistance for rigidity


Rigidity and tension follow me please. Your table is waiting directly. Right this way if you please. It takes hold over me. Follow me. Cramped room – wow. Need more room and space for some resistance. Ah, what a relief. Cooling. Working through it. I feel it now. One side to the other it goes. Push me here. Now pull. There we go; harder, more intense please. Ah, yes. There we go follow me. Do it one more time. Again. Yes. Okay and done.





held together


Someone else down the hallway of time. Crossed paths at one point. Took no notice of the other before now. Why? Who knows, man? Oh my. Lost on this road to nowhere in particular. Wandering aimless. Expressions are taken to the face. Cannot be sure of it; there is no way to it. It’s hard-boiled on the pavement and waiting for it to happen. There is a collision of matter inside the glass jar. Held together by sorrow and frail beginnings. Oh my, so to say, huh? Listening to woman in the back room strumming at the guitar. Hurry; it will be gone soon. Oh no. Say it isn’t so. Okay, but it will be soon. Hurry.





the tree


I’m curious about which way to go. I don’t know, do you? Tell me, pretty please. I want to go. Don’t worry. There is no hurry. Shut your mouth; yes there is and you know it. Come on let me go now. Okay it’s time. Circle around. Square dance. Take the cube root of the tree. You need to wiz on it so it will grow. Cool now go to school. Do some political maneuvering. It’s a sanctuary for the few. There are observations of a pattern. Make a quilt for some warmth. Take your time up in the clouds flying with the birds. Feeding the ducks by the shore. Toe bitten. Go with it. Trust me.





strap in


So far removed from the situation. No point of reference. What’s your preference? You want to survive. You want to celebrate for no reason. Sure, why not. Go for it. Once. Again. This is getting old. Watch the fireworks. Whoopee-do. Control it. Joystick is in hand. Dexterity gone. Bye-bye mister grown-up. Losing track of time. Strap in and get ready to go. Smile for the camera. Say Swiss cheese if you please. Go up to the wall, look up and find it. Jump over if you can. You most probably will not be able to make it.





continue on


Right decisions. Wrong decisions. No decisions. Do something about it. Idiot. You’re a Genius. Dreaming then waking up. Do some drinking in the morning. Beverage in hand and double fisted. Pumpkin seed. What the hell dude, talk some sense. Make a list. Giggle. Packaged content. Lost in among the sand. Running down the road. Way to go. Down the river and give some advice. Formative years long gone. What now? Continue on I suppose.





teeming with life


Puzzle pieces rain over me. I’m an enigma. So confused with the clarity of the situation. Looking down through clear water, I see the teeming life among the white sand. It’s the miniscule depths of the shallow water. What would you say if I told you I had the answer? You’d say most probable bull, right? As a matter of plain subjective fact, I do have it. Here, I must be selfish and say that the answer applies to one person only. Me. Go find your own out there, somewhere among the stars. There are so many of them. Surely, one must have it for you.





a truth


I’m cold. Afraid. Anxious. Nervous. About a future that is unclear. Closing my eyes I see and feel it. Warmth. Courage. Strength. Ambition. Understand what that means? I am broken. Torn in half between two worlds, darkness and light. Is there a third? Yes. It’s the driving force. There is the freezing wind and the flame. It’s unfortunate as both are capable of burning a thing. It’s more than just simple words. Truth.





prison built


Paved streets, concrete walls, wooden structures, and things beyond count are built. There is the weight of it all. It’s residence in a prison of our own design, creation, and construction. Held down under water. Told what to do. Told what to think. Disguised, as for our own good. Digging our own grave. One grave is dug after the other. It’s under the tale of comfort and non-struggle. Calling out a name for position. Freedom and bravery are not enough. Need to respond negative to it all.





debate and debacle


Bury the silence. Dig up loud speech. Speak out against the problems a plenty. Take caution. Identify only the real problems. And there it is. It’s the quandary of the streamlined mistake. How to identify what is real; what matters? Leading to nothing but debate and debacle in committee. It is a deal. Shake hands on it. Deal sealed. Yeah right, come on. Wake up my dude. Oldest trick. Played.





wilderness


All out of tears. No more crying available. Suck it up and move on; it is over. Walk it off. Did you not know? Too bad, as there is plenty around to cry over. Clowns are walking up and down the street. There is a slight waddle to their motion. What is going on here? Penguins are on the march; lemmings. Continue on in busy-bee fashion. Waiting for the tables to turn, while banging heads against the wall. No looking up. Lost in this wilderness of familiarity.





for show


It’s acceptable social prostitution. Done every day. Not seen. Even under the nose of the elephant in your room. Taboo. Do not speak of it. Promise to lie about it. Jump off; come on everyone is doing it. Do it, you are going to love it. Tap the keg and come on. Let’s go. It’s time for the show to begin. Get started now. Watch it; be entranced. See it; buy it. Be fulfilled. Do it. Give it; give in for some fun.





assumed existence


The night is a good time for all kinds of deep thought-provoking chatter. Wrecking ball taken to the silence. Doped up on life. I’m Almost manic and out of control. Will it ever stop? The ensuing dark times for a person are in the depths of an assumed existence. Go back for a quick minute. What was that? Give it up. Gallop forward, pretty please woman. Bees are working the honeycomb that is the brain. Yes, the night is good for many a thing.





a shiver


The evil you know is comfortable. Safe danger. Acceptable risk. Cannot be fixed, repaired or taken back once out and about. Awaken the true demon within and beware. It hides out in the open. Can be seen all day. It’s seemingly innocuous. Watch out. Keep your hands inside this moving vehicle. Please take caution. A growl is heard. Felt. Shiver.





moments of silence


Trapped by apparent mediocrity. So ravaged is a mind wanting to be more. Pounding, throbbing headaches arise from so much circular thinking. Going round and round the brain. Never going anywhere though having traveled a profoundly great distance. Not a step taken in any direction. Here lies the peril of indecision and fear. Let us have a moment of silence as we remember the dead. Let us bow our heads. (Silence). Okay. Thank you. ‘He was a good man,’ someone says. ‘At least he didn’t suffer,’ someone else says. A murmur of agreement follows.





lost cause


Taking it for granted. Will be there tomorrow. Don’t worry about a thing; it’s a given, man. Oh what a shame. This way of thinking yields no fruit; none at all. Flip the switch my dude. Every step must be earned. Nothing, nothing is guaranteed. Wake up idiot. Smell the morning coffee. Knock knock. Hello, anyone home in there. We have a problem here. A possible most probable lost cause in this one. Not to worry man. Not all make it.





in pain


Found meaning in the proverbial suffering. I’m living for today. Do it. Constant struggle. Travel the journey dealing with the pain. Love the pain; love life. That is the message. Can you handle it? I don’t know man. It’s so hard. Don’t know if I can do it. Have any more advice? Sure. Take one step at a time. You’ll be fine. Believe in yourself. Sure as hell that nobody else will. They’ll want to, but it just won’t be the case. Now go and get yourself up out of here. You are disturbing my peace. I have one more thing sir. How are you at peace among the madness? Simple, I’m in pain. Now go.





depot


Occupied here with my thoughts. I sit here waiting, wondering when the hell it will even begin. Next to me I see an emptiness waiting for me. What’s it waiting for? It’s most probably waiting for me to fail. Wanting to prove it wrong. I see. I see what’s ahead of me. What’s ahead of me dammit? There is a man passing by with a cart. It’s a cart full of garbage. Sitting here I see many a thing passing before me. Blue. Gray. White. What does it all mean? I don’t know. Do you? Ah, there goes the orange holding four pieces in a wrapper. He’s about to eat it. Delicious. Wish I could. It’s so empty yet so full. Here it’s starting up. There it goes. Holding two bags looking left and right. Looking down. Looking down. Curious as to where they are all going. Where are they going? Don’t look at me. I don’t know. Do you? Ah, here they come. Here they come. Time to go.





toll booth


On my way home today I saw the strangest most natural thing ever. A toddler was sitting in a c***d safety seat with a tablet in hand. Yes, these are the times. Hook them while they’re young. It’s also the unofficial mantra slogan of a cancer-causing activity. Growing up today means includes doing the multi-task across various devices. There is so much unrestrained stress on the brain. Users are all the while unaware and oblivious. Oh well not to worry the least little bit. The toll shall indeed be paid in full sooner or later. It’s bound to happen on a one-way thoroughfare.





river


Getting in my way. Move aside if you please. Spoken as though a mantra. Reminded of a past. Faded into oblivion. It’s simply an excuse for the idle mind. Fight it. Beat it. Knock it out. Push it aside and away. Grapple your way up through the fog. Not someday but today. Today. Do it. Let the imagination flow. Run alongside the river. Follow it. See where it goes.





bread transformed


Love is such a beautiful thing. Though… It’s not unique. Not meant to last forever. Must end at some point. End here then begin again elsewhere. Death followed by birth. There lies the beauty of it. It follows the natural cycle of change. Follows the course of time. Look to the bread left out. It goes stale. Then goes bad. Then goes rotten. Then composted. Then it transforms into something else in time.





heat and cold water


I inhale and hold my breath. Oh snap, it’s starting. The heats builds, rapidly builds. A sudden wave of anxiety rips and roars through me. Heartbeat rockets into space. Pounding. Cannot seem to let go of my breath. Holding it in. Make my way to the freezing cold water. Hypersensitive. Poured over the head. It’s so hot. It helps. Wet towel around the neck, and on the shoulders. Cooling down. Time passes. Enough time and it’s over.





and the walls fell


Build more. Get more. Expand outward. Build. Get. Expand. A slight rumble ensues. Higher, build higher. The crowd begins to cheer. Go. More. More. Higher. Go for more. You can do it. Go higher. Go. Higher. Higher. Build. Get. Expand. Cheering transforms into chanting. Louder. Deeper. Intense. The crowd morphs into a mob and rushes the stage. Wanting a better view of the mayhem. The foundation is knocked loose. A shame as it always seemed so stable. It’s obvious; is it not? It lacked the ability to change. And so the crumble and the fall happened. Yes, the walls finally fell.





start walking


Smell the scent of tomorrow. Lifted off your feet. Carried off into the clouds. Strange music is heard playing. It makes zero sense. Going loony trying to figure it out. Looking around you see many others. Attempting to do the same? Probably. You snap out of your reverie (sort of) and look down. You realize where you are and plummet to the ground. Lesson learned though you are injured from the fall. Time is available to ponder your reality. Once healed you get up, select a direction, and start walking.





directions


Reading the many signs. Looking for some answers out there. Going in one direction or the other. Lost in it. No direction. Confused. Trying to decide which sign will yield results. Even looking up for answers. Hoping. Confused delirium. What now? You come across a woman on the road. You ask her for directions. She simply laughs and suggests that you try looking inside. You shrug it off and move on. Further down the road you look back and say to yourself. I wonder what she meant by ‘inside’. Oh well. Onward.





the dots


Know where this road is headed. There. Don’t you know? Not all paths on this road share the same journey. Though they all share the same destination. Each story has the same ending. Don’t worry it’s not boring. Please continue to read your story. Though you should know that sooner or later everyone is counted and catalogued. Connect the dots to see properly my dude. It’s a guarantee without a warranty. The enormity of it is astounding. Living among the madness. Follow me.





one or two


Want some attention? Go into the exact middle of a crowded room and yell out your message. The vast majority will ignore you. As in – who is this crazed loon spouting garbage? Some will fear you. As in – wondering if you’ll get violent. They will wonder no matter how benign your message. A few will hear you and simply nod in agreement. One or two may approach you and want to know more. What the hell? So few? What did you expect? Rome overnight?





cold room


And the saying goes, ‘I’m afraid so.’ Well come on and spill it. What are you so afraid of in there. Dry swallow. No saliva available. Sweating bullets, a cold chill runs through you. Shiver. It sure is cold in here. What is this, a walk-in? A ticking countdown is heard. Time must be running out. You better hurry it up. A scratching is heard at the window. You turn. What the hell was that? The anxiety inside you grows. The voices inside your head get louder. No night-light is available. Please make it stop.





chickens


So mesmerized by the illusion. The mirage is out ahead of me. It is real. It has to be. I want it to be. Mind is clouded in comfort. A cushion. Without a doubt, everything will be okay. Come on and climb aboard. Land ho. Send the signal. Now. Hurry. Before it disappears. Chasing the dream on the horizon. It is not there to be found. Lost. Circle around and try to find it. Must navigate. Start counting the chickens to get an accurate count. Okay. Will do.





the sun


Love to hear the sound of you own voice. You constantly feel as though the center of attention. Always smiling. Always judging. Looking around you only see a blurred world. Everything is unclear, yet you are more than certain in the knowledge you hold. You feel as though you have the strength needed to hold up the constant weight on your shoulders. An easy life, eh?





tightrope


I am the darkness. I am walking the tightrope above the masses of awed onlookers. They sit there munching on popcorn and sipping on soda. All of them wonder if there will be a misstep up above. Best hope not. The resulting splat would not be a pretty sight. It would mean the end of the show and who wants that. Not me. I’m comfortable. The crowd holds its collective breath as the ropewalk is near completion. It’s done and crowd roars in applause. I, the darkness, must now turn around and do it again to delight the crowd. Must keep them all mesmerized and properly entertained. I begin again and the crowd is enraptured in their bliss.