Three Pirates and a Mermaid
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My name is Adam Wright, Seaman 1st Class on the merchant ship Hamilton from the small port town of Costa da Caparica, Portugal. My story may sound like the imaginations of a man who has spent much too much time at sea, but I swear to the heavens above it is absolutely true.
It was June of 1668 and we were on what was supposed to be a four-month trip to get spices and exotic fruits from what we now called Brazil. The weather was beautiful the day we set sail, and everyone was in high spirits. We had laid in plenty of supplies to make the round trip and were all prepared to set sail.
I had a girl, Elizabeth, who had come to see me off at the dock. I always hated these moments - I hated to say goodbye and I especially hated knowing that this may be the last time I ever saw her lovely face again. Sailing on the high seas was always fraught with danger and many a man has gone to a watery grave before making it home again.
I was in my Elizabeth's arms when the ship's bell rang, telling us to board so we could shove off. After giving my love one last kiss, I turned and walked up the gangplank to take my position aboard the ship. I would be one of the deckhands and my position on the rail next to the foremast meant I was one of the riggers who would have to climb up the shrouds to furl and unfurl the sails as the deck boss directed.
We all had said our goodbyes and boarded the ship. We backed slowly out of the dock and we were away. As the people on the docks waved we slowly left them in the distance. Soon they had all but disappeared and before us lay the vast expanses of the Atlantic Ocean.
We quickly settled into a routine. This wasn't our first voyage; many of us had been to sea many times before. I, myself, had been to sea twice before for different lengths of time. So we were a seasoned crew with only a couple cabin boys who were new. Our captain was a good man - fair but stern. He had a mind to what he wanted and so long as you did what you were told things were good. However, if you slacked off or, God forbid, failed in your work, well he had recourse there as well!
The first leg of our journey took us to a small group of islands called the Azores, about 760 nautical miles from our home port. There we were to take on some fresh supplies and prepare ourselves for the longest and most dangerous part of the trip. We made it to the Azores and to a small port of Ponta Delgada. It took us five days sailing to reach Ponta Delgada, but we had good winds and smooth seas.
It was a nice little place, mostly a fishing village, but it could handle the larger ships as well due to the deep water surrounding it. We anchored a short ways offshore so we wouldn't interrupt their fishing and used the ship's dinghy to restock the ship. After a couple days to resupply and rest, we got prepared for the next leg of our voyage.
The second and much longer leg of our journey was to take us from the Azores to Sao Luis, Brazil, some 2,600 nautical miles away. This part of the trip should have taken us about 18 days sailing time. However, five and a half days out of Ponta Delgada we came into a terrible storm. The seas began to get choppy early in the day and the winds began picking up, setting to us from the starboard. As the day progressed, the weather got worse and by mid-day, we were looking at twenty-foot seas and the ship was rolling about. As the storm got more intense the seas piled up and by late that afternoon we were facing an all-out storm with winds around forty knots and thirty-foot seas.
To protect the ship, the deck boss ordered the sails furled, that is rolled up and tied so that they wouldn't be ripped to shreds by the high winds. So several of us scampered up the shrouds to furl the sails. My particular job was on the main topgallant, that is to say, the second sail from the top on the center mast of a three-masted ship. I climbed up the shroud, the net-looking rope ladders on the sides of masts, to my position and climbed out on the arm to get the sail tied up.
The ship was bucking and rolling in the high seas and the wind was fierce, I couldn't believe the captain had waited so long to call for the sails to be furled. But he was the captain and it didn't pay for a common deckhand to question his judgment. I had just tied one of the gaskets (the ropes used to secure a furled sail) and was working on another when it happened.
I had reached the top of the topgallant arm when the ship was struck on the starboard by an exceptionally large wave making the whole ship lurch to the port side. I didn't have a good enough grip on the arm I guess and when the ship bucked I was thrown off the arm and into the boiling sea. I guess I can consider myself lucky I didn't land on the ship itself, the fall would have surely killed me outright! But instead, I was plunged into a watery world completely without warning.
I knew the instant I hit the water that there would be no way anyone could rescue me - you just don't turn a big sailing ship around on a dime, much less in a storm like this! So falling into an angry sea is pretty much a death sentence and the only thing you can do is to tread water until you get too tired and slip under the water to drown or a shark gets you and ends things quicker. But no matter the way it ends, your life expectancy isn't very good.
I did the best I could to stay afloat hoping against hope that something would be washed off the ship that I could cling to. But it the pitching and rolling seas, finding salvation is more than anyone can really hope for. As good a swimmer as I was, I was no competition for the mountainous waves that seemed to come on relentlessly. Eventually I, too, slipped under the surface and closed my eyes, I thought forever.
This is where my story gets strange.
I woke up not looking at the Pearly Gates or even at the inky darkness of the ocean depths. Instead, I found myself on a sandy beach on a lovely looking tropical island. And I was not at the water's edge as if I washed ashore. Rather I was well back from the water's edge as if someone or something dragged me away from the water. I rose, astounded that I had survived. The seas were calm once more and the storm had passed. How long had I been laying on the beach? How did I get here? Who was my rescuer? I was awash in questions and no answers to be found.
Even more perplexing was a tray made from woven palm fronds onto which my benefactor had placed a nice assortment of fruits, vegetables, nuts, and fish. This I found off to my right and only a few feet away. I was indeed hungry, in fact, I was ravenous and I ate the food with relish. After I ate, I fell asleep exhausted from my ordeal and warmed by the sun and a full belly.
I woke several hours later to another surprising sight. In the sand, a line had been drawn and a fruit placed every few feet as if trying to get me to follow it. Curious, but also wary, I did follow the line and it led quite happily to a small cave which my guardian had lined with grasses covered with palm leaves and in the cave that same palm frond tray was there once again filled with foodstuffs. It was quite a nice shelter considering what there was around to work with. Again I accepted my hidden protector's hospitality and moved into the shelter.
This hidden support went on for several days, some sort of gift or aid being left each time I slept. I began to look for what new comfort had been left. Never was there a track or clue to who was aiding me though. I had gained enough strength through this secret patron to be able to explore my island home. Not that there was a lot to explore - it was a very small island only about 12 miles north to south and 15 miles east to west as best I could figure. I never saw any sign of wild animals, at least nothing I needed to worry about, which was very good.
One day I purposed to learn the identity of my hidden benefactor. I laid down in my cave bed at my usual time and feigned sleep. It took awhile, but eventually, I heard the soft padding of footsteps on the ground outside my cave home. I laid perfectly still and cracked one eye open just a slit - enough to see movement. I snapped awake and sat up, catching my protagonist completely off guard!
But I was caught equally unprepared, for my champion was a woman!
She was about 5' 6" tall with long brown hair and brown eyes. She was a lovely creature with long legs, slim hips, and full breasts. She had the face of an angel, and I felt my heart skip a beat when I first gazed upon her.
"H-hello?" I said, just as shocked to see her as she was to be caught by me.
"Hello...Adam," she said.
"You know my name? How?" I asked incredulously.
"I know all about you, Adam. Why do you think I have helped you?"
"But how? Who are you? What is all this?" I said, a barrage of questions flying from my mouth at her.
"Sit down Adam and I will try to explain," she said calmly. I'm glad one of us was calm because I certainly was not!
"My name is Cassandra. I have known you since your very first fishing trips back in Portugal. I have followed you every time you ventured into the sea."
"I, I don't..." I said dumbfounded.
"I know it is a lot to understand for right now. But I will explain things as time goes by."
"What do you mean you have followed me? How?" I asked.
"Adam, I am...a mermaid. I live in the sea. I was sent to you by Poseidon when you first began taking an interest in ships to watch over you. Because of the honorable way you fished and respected his domain, Poseidon wanted me to watch over you. As I traveled with you I learned about you and the more I learned the closer I felt to you," she said.
I listened to her bewildered as she told me her story.
"I began to have...feelings for you, Adam. I found you a kind, warm, sensitive man and I wanted more and more to meet you. So awhile back, before this journey, I asked Poseidon if he would make it possible for me to meet you. When I learned that you would be putting to sea I asked him again. Poseidon called up the storm the other day that caused you to fall into the sea. I caught you when you entered the water and brought you here. I have been supplying your needs ever since. I just wanted..." she trailed off.
I sat there listening to her talk with my mouth agape. This was the stuff of sailor's legend and tall tales, yet it was actually happening to me. But strangely enough, I believed what she said. I had no better explanation on how I survived a fall that would have killed any other man, survived being lost in a stormy sea or explained how I managed to wash up on an island shore when I knew that where I fell overboard, there wasn't an island within a thousand miles of our location.
I looked at the girl. She was quite attractive and I felt a stirring in my heart for her as well. It was as if I knew her somehow, yet I knew that simply couldn't be. She was soft of spirit and movement, I felt no fear or dread being with her. She had kept me safe thus far and I had no reason to think she wouldn't continue to do so.
"But Cassandra, if you are a mermaid..." I started.
"I know where is my tail. We get that question a lot from our humans. We are mermaids when in the water, but we can also walk on land as you do. That way we can save you like I did. If we could not transform, I would not have been able to bring you ashore," she explained.
"So where am I?" I asked.
"You are on a small uncharted island that only we mermaids know of. We have stopped you humans from finding it because it is our refuge," she said.
"I see. Well, it is a very nice island and I greatly appreciate your rescuing me. I will forever be in your debt. But I would like to get back to Portugal and home." I said.
"I am afraid you cannot," she said looking down.
"But I have to! I have to let everyone know I am alive. I have a girl back home who will be beside herself with grief!" I said.
"I know. I have heard you speak of Elizabeth. But it is not possible for you to go home. You see, no human knows of this island and I cannot take you to where humans are because we can't be found out. For you, we are myths and legends and we have to keep it that way. It was only after you fell overboard and were lost to the sea that I could show myself to you. All your shipmates and people back home must think you dead. Unfortunately, that means your Elizabeth as well. I am sorry but that is the way it has to be."
"So I am to remain here on this island for the rest of my days? Is that my fate? It would have been kinder to let me drown!" I said.
"Please don't talk that way, Adam. I am here with you. I have and will continue to care for you just like I have for as long as you live. That is my place and you are my responsibility. Poseidon gave you to me to watch over and I intend to do just that." she said.
Besides...now that I have met you...I feel very attracted to you."
"What do you mean attracted to me?"
"Well each of us is given a person whom we are matched to. Someone with whom we are a perfect fit. And you...you are my perfect fit," she said. Cassandra looked into my eyes deeply as she spoke. I could see in her face that she meant what she said. And strangely enough, I understood just what she was talking about. Because I felt it too. I was attracted to this mermaid as well!
"But Cassandra, spending the rest of my life on this island...I don't know if I can do that. I mean I appreciate your bringing me here but this is a very small island - even with your company I will go stark raving mad here eventually!" I told her.
"Well, there is one other option. It hasn't been done often but I have heard of it before," she said.
"Anything, I'll do anything Cassandra. I just can't spend the rest of whatever here on this tiny island."
"Well, you could... become a merman," she said.
"A merman?"
"Yes. If you and I mated in the water, then you would become a merman and we could be together forever. But we wouldn't be confined to this island, we would be free to roam the seas and I could even show you Atlantis, my home."
"Atlantis? You mean it's real?"
"Of course. But you can only get to it if you are a mermaid or merman."
This was a giant leap. To become a merman meant I would have to give up everything I had ever known and loved. To give up even being a human. I had to think on this one. I left Cassandra in the cave and went for a walk along the beach. I walked for several miles along the shore, as I thought about what had happened and what my future now held for me. Either way, it looked like I would never see my home or my Elizabeth again. I could try to build a raft and escape, but from what Cassandra had said about protecting this island and the mermaids from being discovered, I figured that Poseidon would call up a storm again and I would be lost at sea again - this time permanently!
I walked a little over halfway around the island and was sitting on a small rock outcropping when I saw Cassandra swimming up to me. She looked beautiful in the water as the sunlight made it sparkle as if she was surrounded by a million diamonds. She swam up to me and waited in a shallow pool as I climbed down the rocks to the water's edge to meet her. I waded out into the water until I was chest deep in it. Cassandra swam up to me and I took her in my arms.
I looked at her lovely face and into her soft brown eyes. All thoughts of my life back in Portugal faded away at that moment. It was as if I belonged there with her. As if everything in my life had led up to this point. I leaned forward and kissed her. The instant our lips met things fell into place perfectly. I had been led here; my life culminated in the touch of our lips and I knew then what had to be done. I was meant to be hers and she mine.
Cassandra took my hand and led me out to deeper waters. I was safe, I knew that so I let her take me out until we both were swimming in water well over our heads. We went out to the breakers, where the waves crashed and turned to foam. I took her into my arms again and we made love in the surf. It was the most intimate, most beautiful thing I could have imagined We twisted and writhed as our passions rose and our need for each other grew beyond us.
I didn't seem to even notice that we were underwater as we made love, I found it strange that I had no trouble breathing or swimming. It seemed like the most natural thing in the world. That is until we had finished and I looked down at where my feet should have been. They weren't there, replaced instead with a horizontal tail. I was a merman!
I looked over at my lovely Cassandra. She was smiling broadly and took my hand once more, pulling me to her for another kiss. Then we began to swim, hand in hand, away from the island and into the depths of the sea. She was to be my guide in her watery world showing me sights that as a sailor I could never have imagined. I learned from her that merpeople never die; that my Cassandra was actually several hundreds of years old, yet she looked as young and fresh as an eighteen year old woman.
So hand in hand we swam, Cassandra and I had become lovers and we went to Atlantis so I could meet Poseidon himself and he could declare us officially a couple - what the surface dwelling humans would consider married.
******************************************************************************
So said the note that I found in the bottle that day I walked along that Florida beach. I read the story that that sailor wrote all those many years ago and pondered to myself how it must have felt to live that experience. I wondered how he felt now about becoming a merman - was he still happy? Did he ever go miss his former life? I wondered about Elizabeth - did she ever find another beau?
After I read the story I thought about what I should do with the letter. I could turn it over to the local museum - they would love to have such a piece in their maritime collection. But this letter wasn't meant to be put on display in some museum. This was an account of a man's personal life and his search and discovery of true happiness.
So I carefully placed the letter back into the bottle, corked it once again and tossed it back into the sea from which it had come. Good luck, Adam and Cassandra, may your happiness last as long as you live. Forever.
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Voyeur Porn SitesThe Five Kingdoms of Arstoria had been embroiled in the Great Ancient War for centuries. The war came to an end when Kalace, the Wizard King conquered the five lands and brought them under his rule. Kalace, the Wizard King of Arstoria, conquered all of his opponents who were unable to deal with his overpowering magic. When Kalace had united the five kingdoms, he brought peace to the warring kingdoms and was revered and celebrated by his later generation. Kalace, however, had a dark weakness in...
FantasyWoah, did Motherless.com get a facelift? I know I suggested it in my review, so I guess they listened to me! Well, I’m not going to brag too much about it, and instead, I’m going to focus on what I’ve set out to bring you today. We’re looking at an amateur website, and I just know that many of you are begging for amateur creampie content, so that’s what we’re looking at. I know how much you think Motherless can look sickening and pretty gruesome at times, but the creampie content can be quite...
Creampie Porn SitesNo matter what type of porn you may be in the market for, Motherless has an ample supply of it, and cucking is no different. Actually, this might help to explain how you ended up being such a pussy little cuck.The journey that brought you to my website reading cuck porn reviews started in your childhood. A fair portion of my readership is actually motherless. Why, you ask? Your guys' moms chose a life of cucking and riding cock instead of raising you fucks properly.Don't worry, gents. I'm in...
Cuckold Porn SitesI browsed the horror stash at Motherless all morning, and now I don’t know if I should jack off or go hide in the closet until the danger has passed. Then again, hiding out might give me the perfect opportunity to rub one out in the peace and safety of the dark. Who knows who—or what—might be peeping in the windows with nefarious intent if I sit at my desk and shake my dick at the screen. Just like when I masturbate at the local Starbucks, I’ve got to be sure to balance the potential pleasure...
Extreme Porn WebsitesIncest porn has been a staple of pornography since the very first incel caveman realized that he couldn’t find fresh pussy out and about. He resorted to sniffing a whiff of his mother’s loincloth when she wasn’t looking, and beating his old cave meat into a leather sock.Now personally I’m not into the whole mommy-son dynamic – I’m a classy guy. But it’s no secret people like to get freaky when the lights go out, and if you’ve got a stiffy in your hand and you’re on Motherless, you gotta go...
Incest Porn SitesThanks to my usual cast and crew of Editors and Advance Readers, most of whom prefer to pretend that they don’t know me and wisely wish to take no responsibility for any part of my addled writings... Il n’est rien de réel que le rêve et l’amour - Nothing is real but dreams and love (from Le Coeur innombrable, IV, Chanson du temps opportun by Anna de Noailles) She was my one true mistress and ever faithful lover, my Green Lady and guardian of my dreams and now that I was back home...
When the car with Jake in it became a dot on the horizon, Thea turned to go back in the house. Suddenly Floyd appeared. “Mrs. Thea, how you be?” Smiling, she knew immediately what he wanted. He had that look and a glance at his crotch confirmed it. The imprint of his cock was prominent as it pushed against the material. “Looks like everyone is gone.” Floyd said. His eyes looking out over the farm. “Yes, I am by myself for at least the next few days.” She replied in an...
“Well, hell,” Thea said as she wiped the beads of perspiration from her face. “I guess ‘spring’ is here, huh?” “Yeah. It’s supposed to be cooler at higher elevation,” I replied. We took a few minutes in the shade by the rocks before rejoining our boyfriends. The four of us had driven up into the pass to hike. According to the weather report, the last coolness of a fading winter was supposed to continue through mid-week, but they were wrong. Actually, from our view from Eagle Point, where we’d...
Motherless.com! What an original name for a porn site, don't you think? The title doesn't fuck around: your mother would never allow you to watch the kind of filth they’ve got on tap. They pride themselves on being a moral-free zone for sick fucks, where you can find damn near anything. I’m talking about desperate chicks fucking anything that resembles a dick and crazy bitches literally eating shit. When you’re done fapping to the weird vids, you can even find "normal" porno to pass the time....
Free Porn Tube SitesAh, motherless, here we are again. A site known for offering such a variety, that no matter how fucked up your needs are, there is a high chance that you will fulfill them here. However, I am not here to blab about the site in general; I am here to talk about one particular category, interracial. As for those who want to know more about the site, there is a whole different review on my website instead.As for those who came here to learn more about that interracial lovemaking, I got your back....
Interracial Porn SitesTheo had been changing into the squirrel too much, he knew that now... as a pulse of heat raced through his body from his groin. He realized that he shouldn't have come to the office.He had been spending most of his days at the squirrel in his home deep in the countryside. Teleworking most of the time, as the squirrel he felt no need for clothes, his heavy furred balls resting between his thighs as his paws raced over the keyboard. The sharp claws on his paws clattering loudly as he typed,...
Fantasy & Sci-FiIt’s time to go to the land of chocolate fountains and golden showers. That’s right. Scat, piss, shit, and every fluid in between. Ever fuck a chick in her ass and freak out when you see that little bit of shit on your dick? Then I’m sorry to say that scat isn’t for you buddy. Were you the only one of your friends that saw two girls one cup and didn’t get grossed out? If so, it’s time to celebrate it! Don’t get pissed off, get pissed on! Scat porn has the craziest, kinkiest chicks and dudes...
Scat Porn SitesI’m not saying anything controversial when I say men love seeing women naked. It’s a fact of life as fundamental as gravity. It’s a force of nature that cannot be stopped by beast, man, or God. It’s an eternal truth and a divine mandate. As sure as the sun will rise, men will attempt to view as many women naked as they possibly can. Any man not doing so is either a sad or a gay one.This means that any woman a man sees regularly is mentally stripped down during every interaction. If any women...
The Fappening‘To me it’s not really a green. When I think green, I think of grass. That’s more like lemonade color.’ Erica’s nose was far too close to the glasses for my taste. Pouring the nearly clear absinthe over the rough-cut, cane-sugar cubes I favor, I tapped my spoon for a second to get her to back up. I wished I had my full setup here like I have at home, my Absinthe fountains water drippers are missed when I began to try and slowly pour water over the sugar cube. ‘Don’t you light it on fire?’ she...
Have you ever heard about a wonderful site called “Motherless”? I have a feeling that was a dumb question, of course, you fucking have. Well, I am here to talk about Motherless, but I shall also pay special attention to their Arab category. If you think Arabian sluts are hot, well you are in for a tasty treat, believe me.First, I should probably warn you that the name of this place comes from the fact that their content might be a bit too hardcore or questionable for some of you. Back in the...
Arab Porn SitesFuck yeah, life’s a bitch! So here I am, awake at 3:45 AM, after dreaming I was fucking this freaking hot MILF neighbor with heavy boobs, a flat tummy, a nice bubble butt, and sexy long legs. It was all hot and steamy, up until when she was sucking me off and just as I was about to obliterate her cute face with hot cum canon, my dream cut right off and I woke up with a tent on my pajamas.That dream ain’t coming back, but damn it! I sure gotta cum, so I boot up my laptop and type “cum facial” in...
Facial Cumshot Porn SitesUnd draußen schallte wieder Punkmusik aus dem Ghettoblaster – von der Eisenbahnunterführung bis zu seinem Haus! Punks und Skater hingen da ab. Das war diese Art von Jugendlichen, die ihren Eltern das Leben schwer macht , die von Arbeit nichts hielten, sich an keine Regeln hielten, ständig auf Party machten. Die soffen viel zu viel und kotzten dann in irgendeine Ecke. Denen bedeutete doch nichts und niemand etwas. Wahrscheinlich nahmen sie auch Drogen und trieben weiß-Gott-was mit...
BDSMMotherless is the mother of all porn sites. Motherless has no conscience or moral guide. Motherless will show you the stuff that all other porn sites are afraid to put up. Motherless will do this for free. This is seriously one of the nastiest and raunchiest sites out there and Motherless/Fetish is perhaps one of the dirtiest places on the web that are well within reach. Sure you can scan the dark web and find something even more naughty or puzzlingly gross, but why do that when you’ve got...
Fetish Porn SitesAbsinthe 2: The Absinthe of Malice By Morpheus The flight from Seattle to Boston had been extremely long and uncomfortable, even with the two hour delay in Chicago where I got to stretch my legs and change flights. My book had given me something to do during the countless hours in the air, though admittedly, Collin had been my largest savior from boredom. The two of us had ended up talking for over half the flight, and by the time we finally landed, I was even starting to consider...
After tea on the Friday evening Thelma stopped me as I was going into upstairs to my room. Her eyes looked wild and her breathing was heavy. “I’m going to a party,” She said in a low voice, “do you want to watch me getting undressed?” I nodded like a puppet. “Wait in my room…I’ll be up in five minutes.” I skipped up the stairs two at a time! I nervously let myself into my sister’s bedroom. I’d been in many times before – borrowing her dirty knickers and stuff to use...
Harry and Rob sat in the local pub in their usual spot in the corner by themselves. They were having a discussion about what to do with Ethel. Rob has been adamant that he wants to hang Ethel by her ankles and butcher her. Harry strongly disagrees with him. Harry is convinced that if he talks to Ethel he can persuade her not to go to the authorities and they will be able to use her the same way the other men. Rob agrees to try Harry's way first but he says" if she wants to argue I'm going to...
kEthel sat with her tits nailed to the work table. Her tits were swollen to twice their normal size from the beating they had received from Harry and Rob and the axe handle. Ethel sobbed both from the pain and the feeling of despair and hopelessness. She knew she would not be able to sweet talk the men into letting her go without anymore abuse. Harry and Rob arrived and again Ethel begged and pleaded with them to let her go. The men laughed and told her they still had a few more things they...
Note : This story is completely fictional!In nineteen forty six Thelma Lou Anderson was married with three kids. Linda was the oldest. She was sixteen. Guy and George was ten and Guy seven. Thelma owned a beauty shop in Kansas City. She suspected her husband Lawerance was cheating on her again. She followed him one day when he thought she was at work and saw him go into a house. A woman opened the door and he went in. That was all the proof she needed. She went home and packed her suitcase and...
IncestThelma was 22 and like all of the young women at that time was still living at home with me and our parents in rural Kent; even though she had a good job in local Department Store. I was 15 and had just left school. The summer of 1965 was particularly fine so it wasn’t uncommon for me to sit around our secluded garden reading a Detective novel when my parents were at work. The difference today was that Thelma was on the first day of her annual holidays and had joined me wearing a very...
Ethel hung by her wrists while Harry and Rob left to get some rest. She nodded off from time to time but the fog of her mind cleared she realized that other than when they punched her she actually enjoyed the way they that fucked her so hard and so brutally. She enjoyed the helpless feeling as they ravaged her body. She believed that she could talk to the two men and they would release her without too much more abuse. She was wrong.As Harry and Rob drove back out to the warehouse they talked...
Ethel hated her name. She was born during the tenure of I Love Lucy. The beloved Ethel Mertz from the television show was the bane of the real life Ethel's existence. There were the jokes about her having to marry Fred. There was only one Fred in her high school class. He wasn't her type; not even if he was the last man on earth. Ethel was every bit the epitome of her name. At five feet even her looks, dress and vocabulary mimicked the character she despised. Although she fought to break the...
Ethel's Pa was telling a story. "A man comes into the garage wanting a new horn for his Dodge. The old bulb was torn. Well, we have horns; but they don't fit his brackets..." "What did he want with a horn?" Ma asked. "Dodge cars don't need them. They have 'Dodge, Brothers' written clearly on the front." "Oh, Nellie," Pa said, but -- at least -- he dropped the story. Ethel couldn't decide which was worse, Ma's jokes or Pa's stories. Pa was fascinated by anything mechanical,...
Damn Katherine and her classy fashion sense... Once again my Mother-in-law had a new skirt suit which would work for brunch, mother-of-the-bride or some other fancy occasion, it was simply lovely. Tonight was one of those other occasions. The suit was perfect for the work awards dinner that my wife Veronica has dragged me too. Katherine, on the other hand, who was looking just so, was all too happy to attend. Katherine's suit is simply irresistible to me. The color, the style,...
Let me say right up front that Gunther was definitely not a young man.I knew he had been around the Santa operation at the North Pole long before I arrived with my bright ideas for cost reduction. I was called in to promote increased toy production by the easily distracted Elves. Those little imps preferred being silly rather than busy little workers focused on their quotas like dedicated employees. As a small-sized human male, I was able to relate easily to the female Elves because they liked...
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