Taking A Dump free porn video

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I'm sure that upon reading this, you'll nod your head in agreement as you will all have experienced most, if not all of the scenarios listed. If you haven't you need more fiber.....

The Perfect Dump
Every once in a while everyone experiences the perfect dump. It's rare but a real thing of beauty. You sit down expecting the worse, but what you get is a smooth sliding, fart-less masterpiece that breaks the water with the splash-less grace of an Olympic high-diving champion. You use the toilet tissue to find that it was totally unnecessary. It makes you feel that all is right in the world and that you are in perfect harmony with it.

The Beer Dump
Nasty! Depends upon the dumper's tolerance and is the result of too many beers - doesn't matter if it was 2 or 22. What you get is a sinister, lengthy, noisy dump accompanied by an odious malevolent fog that could close the bathroom for days. Naked flames are ill advised.....

The Chilli Dump (aka The Japanese Flag)
Hot when it goes in and napalm when it comes out. It stays with you all day stinging yer ring and generally making your choccie starfish feel like the Shuttle's heat shield. Also makes your ass look like "a Japanese Flag".

The Empty Roll Dump
Relief - you've finished and reach for the tissue only to find an empty cardboard cylinder staring back at you. Panic overcomes you. You could use the curtains but then someone would ask "where are the curtains?" Use the rug? Nah, too bulky and cumbersome. You then come to the same conclusion that every "empty roll dumper " must face.....pull up yer kecks tighten yer cheeks and shuffle yourself to the nearest loo roll. Failing that you could always use your shirt-tail or one of your socks!

The Splash Back Dump
This one drops like a depth charge creating a column of cold water that washes your sphincter with a startlingly unpleasant shock. Now your wet - and embarrassed if the column of water went half way up your back. Tip of the day: blot instead of wiping.

The c***dbirth Dump
This one is just too big to go through the aperture provided by nature for this purpose. You sit there thinking over your dilemma. First it hurts, and then gets no better. You sweat violently and wonder if you'll ever see your loved ones again. You imagine the newspaper headlines screaming "Man dies trying to hatch monster loaf!" There are only three things you can do: 1. Scream 2. Call an Obstetrician 3. Hope to hell you've got some Vaseline to help you get through it.

The Machine Gun Dump
Best utilized in public conveniences. You sit there in sublime peace when suddenly you emit a group of noisy gassy bursts that break the tranquility like machine gun fire. The guy in the next cubicle hits the floor like a Vietnam veteran, cradling his umbrella like a M16....damn commies.

The Sound Effect Dump
You feel a noisy one coming on but relatives, friends or work mates are within earshot. So, you must employ some clever techniques to cover the disgusting sounds you are about to emit. Timing is of the essence. At the precise moment of release, try the following: 1. Flush the toilet 2. Drop loose change on the floor, 3. Sing the first two stanzas of your favorite opera.

The Cling-On Dump
You've finished but there's one damn morsel that refuses to drop. You grip the seat with both hands and wriggle. You twist and pump but the little bastard just hands there, suspended, clinging like a canned peach between you and the water below. If only you had some scissors.......

The Whole Roll Dump
No matter how much you wipe, it just isn't enough. You blow the whole roll and have to flush at least a dozen times. The whole episode is consumer waste. Eventually if your toilet paper runs into minimal supply anything will do, towels, wash clothes, carpet, walls, whatever it takes.

The Encore Dump
Ahhh, you've done, so you wipe, dress, flush, wash hands and are about to leave the auditorium when you feel another dump coming on. You must therefore return for a curtain call. The world record is seven encores.....

The Houdini Dump
You go, you stand to flush and it has disappeared! Did it creep down the pipe or did you dream the whole thing? Should you flush? Oh yes as you can guarantee that if you don't, it will reappear and smile at the next person who comes in.

Sometimes when shit happens, you want to be able to articulate the experience more than just you've, taken a shit. Here are some shit definitions to help you explain the situation better to your friends and family...

Ghost Shit
You know you've shit. There's shit on the toilet paper, but no shit in the bowl.

Teflon Coated Shit
Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of shit on the toilet paper, you have to look in the bowl to be sure you did it!

Gooey Shit
This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your ass 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This shit leaves permanent sk** marks in the toilet.

Second Thought Shit
You're all done wiping your ass and you're about to stand up when you realize it.....you've got some more.

Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Shit
This kind is the kind of shit that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.

Bali Belly Shit
You shit so much you lose 5 kilos.

Right Now Shit
You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down.

King Kong or Commode Choker Shit
This shit is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of shit usually happens at someone else's house.

Wet Cheeks Shit
This shit hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your ass wet.

Wish Shit
You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no shit!

Cement Block or Oh God Shit
You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you shit.

Snake Shit
This shit is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long.

Cork Shit (Also Known as Floater Shit)
Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This shit usually happens at someone else's house.

Mexican Food Shit (also called Screamers)
You'll know it's alright to eat again when your asshole stops burning.

Beer drunk Shit
This happens the day after the night before. Normally your shit doesn't smell too bad, but this shit is BAD. Usually there's somebody standing outside to use the bathroom. This kind of shit also usually happens at someone else's house.

The Frightened Turtle
The kind of shit that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in

The Bungee Shit
The kind of shit that just hangs off your ass before it falls into the water.

The Ring of Fire Shit
The kind of shit where you eat really spicy food and your asshole feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter.

The Crippler
The kind of shit where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.

The Big Bobber
The kind of shit that no matter how many times you flush it always floats back to the surface.

The Shitty Shitty Bang Bang
The kind of shit that hits you when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.

The Incredible Hulk Shit
The king of shit that sits in the toilet overnight and mysteriously expands to twice it's normal size.

The Jack the Ripper Shit
The kind of shit that yanks out the hair of your ass as it pushes its way out.

The Party Pooper
The giant shit you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.

The Toxic Gas Shit
The kind of shit that makes you pass out and fall of the toilet before you finish, and then you wake up in some strange South American town.

Dirty Bowl Shit
The kind of shit that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche - but with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl.

The Windy City Shit
When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that you no longer need to take a shit.

Oh Shit! Shit
You shit so much and wipe your ass so furiously you run out of toilet paper and you say OH SHIT!

The Never Ending Shit
It's the shit that keeps running out of your ass like pee, and just when you start wiping your ass your stomach gargles and splash, more shit runs out. This always happens after eating at Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Ouch That Hurt Shit
The type of shit that leaves you feeling like you just hoped onto a bicycle without a seat. Sensation usually lasts hours.

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'Where is she? I need to get me a dose of seeing Skylar Smith in math class,' I thought, biting down on my bottom lip. 'Maybe it’s because she is just as popular as Haven and Inessa, so the teachers must not give a damn. I have to ask her out, it’s not like either of them is going to let me get away with not doing it eventually. They know me,' I thought before I glanced back behind me. 'Having them as friends has its perks, but I still don't know how to get Skylar in bed.'"I'm sorry,...

Taking Chances

Catherine Emerson met Tom Quimby quite by accident one afternoon when he sat down on the park bench across from her in Rittenhouse Square. This was where she often ate her lunch, usually yogurt with peaches, or strawberries, before returning to work as a bookkeeper and office manager at Bronson and McGee’s Law office. Two days earlier, Catherine and her husband, Martin, had celebrated their thirty-fourth anniversary at the Avalon Bistro where they’d had their first date. It was a tradition...

Taking the Plunge with Daddy Part 12

"Drink up" he said offering me the cold bottle of water. I was lost in the endorphin rush, more lust than I had ever felt before, a need unlike anything I thought I would feel tonight...I wanted him inside me, taking me, using me...after that expert flogging which, before then, I had never thought of as foreplay...I could only beg for him to fuck me, it seemed like the last thought I would ever have... "Trisha!" he said sharply, realizing that I was in dreamland staring at him with...

Taking One For The Team

Taking One For The Team: (M/F,Dare,alcohol,true story) This story begins as most of you know when I was asked, then "Dared"To fuck the brains out of one my sons and daughter inlaws friends Mom. As you can tell by the picture above(i hope it works this way) she by no means is a raving beauty in the least. Actually the opposite is true.Now believe me she used to be a damn beautiful woman in her youngeryears. But she got herself into d**gs, and then hooked on...

Taking My Breath Away

I stood waiting at the airport for a man named Michael. A man I’ve never laid eyes on before. Let me go back. I met Michael online, he instant messaged me one night. It was funny, he said, ‘I read your profile and found it interesting, read mine and see if you want to chat. If you do, I have a question. So I went and read his. In it Michael listed foreplay as one of his hobbies, his personal quote was ‘There is nothing more delicious than the scent of a woman [especially if she’s...

Taking It Out In Trade A SlutWife Story

Based on a XXX-rated video by Rodney Moore with Chelsea Blue [sorry, don'tremember the name of it but it was damn hot.]Jenny Carter wanted to do something nice for Rob. The couple had been marriedfor nearly ten wonderful years. In fact, it was the rapidly approachinganniversary date of her exchange of fidelity vows that was motivating Jenny'sdesires to show her lover just how much he still was near her heart.The past year had been a little stressful despite the fact she still "loved"Rob more...

Taking My Sister

Taking My Sister "You can't tell mom and dad," my sister said. She was sitting on her bed, covering herself with her comforter. "You know what they'll do." Her eyes were welling with tears. She was upset for good reason. I had come home early from work and found her with a large, black cock in her mouth. The owner of the cock has long since vanished. Our parents were both hard working and successful lawyers. As well, they were incredibly religious, and were strongly against many things...

Taking care of Mom

They played high school sports together. They also rode bicycles together, fished, and hunted together. In the summertime, they took turns sleeping over at each other’s house. They felt so much at home at each other's house; it was like each boy's mother was a mother to the three of them. For each mother, it was like having three boys instead of just the one they gave birth. The three boys preferred to spend most of their time at Scott’s house playing online video games because Scott’s Dad...

Taking Off

Taking Off Belladonna Jack Brown walked through the airport parking lot knowing that it would be the second to last time that he would make the walk. He had finally gotten a job commensurate with his education in accounting and could not be more thrilled by it. It had been two years since he graduated and found no luck in obtaining employment in his chosen field. With no luck finding work as an accountant, Jack had taken a job as a steward. He had, largely, been able to get...

Taking in gramps

My grandparents lived in a beautiful colonial home near downtown. My grandpa was an active senior, he went to the gym regularly and was active community Elks member. While my grandma was usually a stay at home, plant and play in her precious garden. One summer night a severe thunderstorm hit the downtown area. My grandpa was away with his Elks lodge planning for the upcoming Fall town fair, by the time he got home there were fire trucks surrounding the block. My grandparents house was struck by...

Taking the Plunge with Daddy Book 2 Part 10

I put down the empty champagne flute, starting to feel the Prosecco inside my body, warming and relaxing me, my inhibitions dripping away. "Pour another glass, bitch," he said as he turned away from me. Wha..?....yes, Daddy, I thought and picked up the bottle watching him walk purposely into the master bedroom. As I poured I listened intently; what is he doing in there? I waited just a minute or so.. Then he came out. Oh my god....Daddy... He chest was naked now, his...

Taking it to the Hole

“Whadda ya fucking crazy? It’s fucking hot as fuck. What the fuck do I want to fucking go all the way to fucking Manhattan for a fucking game of fucking basketball to further sweat my big, hairy fucking balls off at 10 o’clock at fucking night? Are you fucking kidding me?” Ernesto’s cousin Vinny had the vocabulary of a Soprano and the basketball skills of a third grade girl so there was no way in hell he was gonna go anywhere to play basketball at any time. He needed to play it off so he...

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