DIFFERENT WAYS TO RIDE
or Rodeo.txt
by Waldo
Chapter 1 - The Accident
Chapter 2 - The Hospital
Chapter 3 - The Surgery
Chapter 4 - The first 30 days
Chapter 5 - High Heels
Chapter 6 - Completing my education
Chapter 7 - Watching the Rodeo
Chapter 8 - Harve and Revenge
Different Ways to Ride
Chapter 1 - The Accident
As the rodeo announcer called the final results of the
last event, I climbed onto the wooden fence and stared
down at the massive bull that I was supposed to ride
in this next event. Bull-riding, because of the ferocity
of the bull, is the most dangerous event in the rodeo.
I've got to hold on to a short piece of bull-rope that
circles the trunk of the bull and, using just one hand,
must stay on for a 8-second period while the bull tries
to buck me off of it's back. If I fall, or if my free hand
touches any part of my own body or that of the bull,
I'm disqualified. After my 8 seconds of hell is up, I've
got to find some way to quickly dismount and to get
away from the bull safely.
"Everyone look at the little boy trying to fill his daddy's
britches." screams someone next to the fence.
I turn quickly to see who is yelling, but I already know
that it is Harve Bowen. Harve and I went to high
school together and he was the class bully who
decided that I would be the butt of all of his jokes. He
made my childhood years miserable with his constant
pranks. When I followed in my late father's footsteps
into the rodeo circuit, I was only weeks ahead of Harve
also joining the circuit. For the three years that I had
been a professional rodeo cowboy, he had been my
almost daily nemesis. I tried to miss events that I knew
he was attending, but there are only so many events
on the circuits and we were constantly thrown
together.
"Get the fuck out of here Harve. I need to concentrate
on what I'm doing." I responded quietly.
"You misjudge me, little guy. I just came over here to
wish you good luck. I wouldn't want to be the one
riding a bull called Devil's Staircase. No sireee, bob, I
just wanted to be close to watch you show your skill.
You ain't going to jump off of that fence and throw me
out of here again, are you, little man?" he asked
smirking.
I bit my lip to keep from letting him know that he was
able to get me upset so easily. I wanted to jump off of
the fence and beat the shit out of him, but all of my
previous attempts had failed. Harve was eight inches
taller than me and weighed almost eighty pounds more
than my puny 130 pounds. I had fought him before
and always lost. A couple of times, he had goaded me
into throwing the first punch which caused me to be
eliminated from one event. I can't afford to be thrown
out of this one, because for the first time in my career,
I've got a decent chance of placing in the top overall
category for the year. I need to have a successful ride
on this bull to win today's rodeo championship.
I ignore his taunts and ease off of the fence onto the
bull's back. The bull jerks with my touch and wants to
buck, but within the tight enclosure of the bullpen, he
can't move. As I put my legs around his mighty back, I
can feel the ton of dynamite under me, just waiting for
the moment to explode. The heavy smell from his body
fills the tiny pen and I can feel the power of the angry
creature that my legs were wrapped around. He snorts
and bumps against the fence, ready to rid me from his
back. I force my hat down on my head so I don't have
to worry about it later. I take the bullrope and wrap
the loose end tightly around my gloved hand, being
careful to wrap it so I can hold onto it, but can also
easily let go of it when my 8 seconds are up. You don't
want to spend more than your required time on
anything this mean and wild.
The bull stomps and I can feel the heat radiating from
his angry body as he, like me, waits for the moment
that the gate opens. I watch as the rider in the next
chute bounces into the area and watch as he almost
holds onto his bull for his very short ride, which seems
like eternity when you're the one on his back. I see the
rider loose his rope and his legs go flying as he is
thrown. Before he hits the ground, the bull is turning
for him as it is still bucking. A rodeo clown runs in
front of the bull and the bull's attention is diverted
from the falling rider to the running clown. While the
bull chases the clown, the other clowns help the
hapless rider to his feet. By the time that the bull
discovers that the clown has escaped him, everyone
else is out of the arena. The rider was all right and just
needed a moment to catch his breath after he hit the
ground.
I sit still and wait my turn as the mounted riders
direct the bull out of the area. Then the announcer's
voice booms over the loudspeaker as he says "In chute
number three, from Bronson Montana, Roger Corbin,
riding Devil's Staircase. Devil's Staircase didn't get
that name by being a tame bull. If Roger can go the
distance, he stands a good chance of winning the Top
Cowboy for today's rodeo with a good ride. Let's give
Roger a big cheer."
"Make this a good ride. I brought my camcorder today
just to film this ride." Harve says as he climbs up on
the fence and aims the camcorder lens at my face.
I try to ignore him and check my hold. I look out into
the arena and see that the clowns are ready and
waiting on my action. I check my hold one more time,
knowing that it was the only thing holding me to this
barrel of dynamite. Then I look at the man holding the
gate and look deep into his waiting eyes. I nod that I'm
ready and he nods back to me. It is time to go. The
gate opens and my ride through hell begins.
The bull jumps as the gate opens and I brace myself
for the shock as we hit the ground, knowing that he
will buck again immediately and twist as he jumps. I'm
concentrating on holding my right hand high and
controlling my position on the bull's back with my left
hand holding onto the rope and my legs wrapped
around the bull's ribs. As the bull bucks again, I sense
that something is wrong, but everything is happening
so fast that I can't tell what is wrong. I know that I still
have the rope but I feel myself flying away from the
bull and then coming down toward the ground in front
of the bull. As I hit the ground, the air is knocked out
of me and I can see the clown running for the bull but
the bull is ignoring him and is still jumping up over
me.
I know that the bull came down on me, but I can't feel
anything but pain in my lower extremities. I try to
crawl away when the bull moves but the bull gores me
between the legs with his horns, lifting me in the air as
he throws me another time. The bull refused to chase
the clown and stomped me at least three times before
the clowns can get him away from me. As I pass out, I
see the rescue squad running onto the field with their
little stretcher. I know it is for me, but the only thing
that I can think of, is why did my rope not hold?
Chapter 2 - The Hospital
"Can you hear me, cowboy?" says a voice through my
confused mist of thoughts.
I tried to speak but couldn't for the tube down my
throat. I opened my eyes and saw that I was in a
hospital. Now I remember what happened. The doctor
reported "You're very lucky that you've got a naturally
small frame. If you've been a normal size man, you
would be dead now. As it is, you've got some severe
internal injuries and will require reconstructive
surgery. We will hold you here for another day to make
sure that you're stabilized and then transfer you to
Denver. We don't have the specialist here that you will
need. You're alive. Be grateful for that."
As he walked off, I tried to remember what happened.
Some parts of my memory were fuzzy. I could clearly
remember Harve egging me on and some of the ride,
but I don't remember why I fell. I remember the bull
coming down on me.
As I tried to remember, another voice pulled me back.
"Hello, Roger. I been waiting in the hallway for over
three hours and the doctor said that I could see you
for just a minute. I know that you can't talk now but I
thought that I would come by and see you."
It took effort to turn my head but I saw Wayne
Jenkins, one of the clowns that follows the same
circuit. He and I had visited a few bars together and he
was someone that I trusted.
I tried to smile but couldn't. Wayne continued "I got
your saddle and collected your earnings. I stored your
saddle and truck over at the truckstop. I paid the
storage bill for two months and when you get out, you
can pay me back. I just wanted you to know that a lot
of us are thinking of you and praying for you. I also
picked up the rest of the rope that you were using.
Roger, I ain't no expert, but it looks to me like someone
cut part way through your rope, so it would break."
Harve. The son-of-a-bitch tried to kill me. I started
crying and trying to grunt with the tube down my
throat. My noises brought the nurse, who ran Wayne
out and sedated me.
*****
I'm in a different hospital. The accident was yesterday
and they shipped me here today. All morning, they
have been examining me and now the doctor is ready
to tell me what they can do. He lays a clipboard on my
lap so I can write my questions or comments down
because I still can't speak with the tube down my
throat.
"Mr. Corbin, you were damaged in three critical parts
of your body. The most critical damage is to your male
reproductive system. Your testes were completely
destroyed, which produce the male hormones, or
androgens. These hormones are manufactured in the
testes and circulate throughout the body, affecting
various organs. You will need to take frequent doses of
hormones for the rest of your life, to maintain the
balance needed by your body. Another thing to
consider, is that you will never be able to father
children now. The common term for this is eunuch.
The testes and penis were damaged by the bull's horn,
goring you between the legs. The horn penetrated you
about the location of your scrotum and proceeded to
rip a hole about three inches in diameter and eight
inches inside you. The emergency surgery that you
had yesterday, didn't attempt to fix this problem, but
only to clean it up and stop the blood flow. During
clean-up, they removed your testicles. Before I explain
what we can do for you, I would like to discuss all of
the damage." he suggested. I nodded yes.
"The damage to the penis crushed two of the three
hollow spongelike cylinders of tissue, which fill with
blood and become firm or erected, which permits
sexual penetration. The penis was damaged beyond
repair although it is still attached to your body. Your
bladder was slightly damaged but it was repaired as
was the duct that the bladder uses to empty it's waste
through your penis. The emergency surgery re-routed
this duct so your penis is not providing any function
now." he stated pausing to see if I understood what he
was saying. I nodded for him to continue.
"Your left hip was crushed and will require
replacement. Your right hip was damaged but it is
minor damage compared to your left hip. Your left hip
will have to be replaced. The rest of the damage was to
your head. Your nose cartilage was completely
destroyed. Both cheekbones were broken, as was your
jawbone. Also your larynx was crushed. In summary,
we will have to re-build your complete face and
larynx." he looked at his notes to see if he had
forgotten anything.
Then he continued. "Your face will be the easiest to fix
but it will be painful for you. We will do an incision
within your mouth and build a new nose, cheekbones,
and jawline for you. When you heal, there will be no
visible scars. We will need several close-up
photographs of your face and we will try to make you
look like your old face as much as possible. Or if you
desire, we can change the way that you look by
changing your facial structure. It's up to you as any
changes that you may want. Your larynx was
damaged, but it has already been fixed. It had to be
shortened, which will result in a higher sounding
voice. When it heals, you will find it easier to sing
soprano than to sing bass."
"The most difficult surgery will be to repair your left
hip. Normally we make an incision in the buttock, but
your accident left a temporary very large opening
between your anus and penis that we can work with.
You currently have one big slit between your legs that
we can use and then sew up, thus reducing the scar
area. This will also hide the scar area so it will not be
noticeable. When we fix your left hip, it will make your
left hip a little wider. Rather than have you go through
the rest of your life with one hip bigger than the other,
I would recommend that we replace your right hip at
the same time. Your hips then will be symmetrical in
appearance, although slightly large for a normal man's
body. They will not be any bigger than a woman's hips.
After we do the hip implant, we will sew this new body
cavity up, reconnect your bladder duct to your penis,
and insert a penis implant into your penis. You will
have a penis that is constantly semi-hard and capable
of penetration. You will have some feeling down there,
although it won't be the same. Do you have any
questions?" he asked.
I nodded no.
He removed some papers from his clipboard and put
them on my clipboard. Then he announced "These
papers are authorization for your surgery. I've
scheduled you for tomorrow morning. I'll go ahead
with my medical rounds and return when I finish. That
will give you some time to think about what we must
do, before you sign these permission slips."
He walked out of the room and left me to my thoughts.
A million thoughts were floating through my head.
Harve did this to me. The son-of-a-bitch. I'll kill him
when I get out of here.
I looked at the papers that the doctor wanted me to
sign. I didn't have much of a choice. If I signed, I would
be a wide-hipped man with a woman's voice for the
rest of my life. I knew that my rodeo circuit days were
over, but so was my sexual life. I would never be able
to have sex again.
Or would I?
My face went flush as thousands of thoughts flew
through my head as I considered what I had just
thought. Within thirty seconds, I had worked out a
plan. A multi-step plan.
I wrote my instructions down and waited for the doctor
to return. As I waited, I thought what I intended to do
and confirmed that this was what I wanted.
Chapter 3 - The Surgery
"Have you signed those papers yet?" asked the doctor
as he entered my room.
I shook my head no and handed him my instructions.
He read them and looked at me as he responded "Your
request is possible and is something that should
reasonably be considered. It is just as easy to make
you into a woman as it is to try to restore your
manhood. As I discussed earlier, we can make your
face look however you want it. It would be very easy to
make it look feminine, by adding higher cheekbones, a
more delicate nose, and a slightly different jawline.
While we are working on your face, we would go ahead
and shave the Adam's apple, to reduce that area to a
more feminine throat. As for the rest of the sex change
that you're requesting, that is also possible. You've got
enough skin left where we can create a realistic
looking and feeling vagina, with a small clitoris. Breast
implants can be inserted into your chest to give you
female breasts. Because your testicles were destroyed,
you were going to have to take male hormones for the
rest of the life, and it will be just as easy to take female
hormones, which will soften your skin, reduce your
facial growth and provide the same effect to your
organs. With your small narrow male chest, you will
have good potential of passing as a natural woman. By
the time that your hair grows a little longer, no one will
be able to tell the new you from a natural woman. It
can be done."
I grabbed the clipboard and wrote one last instruction
which read "I don't want anyone to know about this."
He continued "What you're requesting is possible.
However, there are guidelines that this hospital must
follow concerning sexual reassignment surgery. I've got
to discuss your request with the hospital Chief of Staff
and will need his signed permission before I can do
what you're requesting. I can do the surgery, but
someone else must sign all of the legal documents that
are required in sexual re-assignment surgery. Well, the
sooner that a decision is made about this, the sooner
that you can start healing. I'll be back after awhile."
*********
"Mr. Corbin, I'm the hospital Chief of Staff, Doctor
Watkins. I would like to introduce Mrs. Crilla, who is
our resident clinical specialist. She has a Masters
Degree in clinical behavioral science, specializing in
Gender Dysphoria. Beside her is Doctor Singh, who is
an accredited Urologist. The three of us are here to
evaluate you and determine if you're a candidate for
the type of surgery that you're requesting. Before
anyone will be permitted to undergo sex re-assignment
surgery or SRS as we prefer to call it, they have to
follow a prescribed evaluation and testing procedure.
Naturally, with your accident, you may be an
exception to our Standards of Care. Because a
decision has to be made quickly, we would like to tape
our interview with you. Is that OK?"
I nodded my head yes and heard the click of the
camera as it started recording our interview.
He continued "We have minimal requirements that
must be satisfied. Our hospital subscribes to the
doctrine described by the Harry Benjamin
International Gender Dysphoria Association. All three
of us must agree that the surgery that you're
requesting, will not have an negative affect upon your
future life; and we must document our arguments as
to whatever course of action is selected for you.
Although you were injured in an accident and require
reconstructive surgery, the actual procedures that
you're requesting, is considered Surgical Sex
Reassignment. SRS is composed of two different
concepts. The Genital surgical sex reassignment is to
alter the remains of the genitalia and to modify your
breasts for the purpose of altering the morphology of
your genetic male body to have the general appearance
of a genetic female body. The other concept concerns
any surgical procedures that change a masculine
appearance to a feminine appearance on non-genital
and non-breast sites. Nose, throat, chin, hips, and
cheek surgery are examples of this concept. Our
normal standards allow us to follow the patients
wishes when there have been facial injuries, such as
yours. If you want your face changed to present a
feminine appearance, that is your right. Look at
Michael Jackson and how much he changed his face
to look like his sister's face. The issue that we have to
address and apply our standard to, is the issue of your
genitalia surgery. Mrs. Crilla, is acknowledged as
having the appropriate training, education, and
experience to evaluate your mental status and to
recommend or disapprove the SRS for you. She has
special training in general psychotherapy, sex therapy,
and gender counseling/therapy."
As he sat down, she stepped forward and took my
hand in her hand. She recited softly "Please
understand that this is not a simple yes or no
decision. We have been involved in similar
circumstances before and have had to disapprove
more requests than we have approved. Our typical
SRS patient is suffering from Gender Dysphoria and
have had extensive psychiatric evaluations with a
diagnosis of transsexualism prior to the SRS. They
aren't happy with their birth sex and the sex role
defined for their birth sex. They typically go through
two years of treatment to include living the life of the
desired sex for a year before we proceed further.
During that period, a lot of them find out that the life
wasn't as glamorous as they thought it would be and
accept their natural place in society. But a large
percent of the applicants adapt to the new role and
after through counseling, are approved for hormonal
sex reassignment. The hormones, have effects and
consequences which aren't readily reversible. We don't
permit hormonal procedures to be performed on an
elective basis. It is professionally improper to perform
hormonal sex reassignment and/or SRS without
careful evaluation of the patient's reasons for
requesting the services. We have to evaluate the beliefs
and attitudes upon which the reasons are based. We
have to believe that the SRS will improve the quality of
life. In your case, that may be difficult to determine
quickly."
I guess that I flinched when she advised that because
she quickly continued "The diagnostic criteria for
transsexualism has already been established. It
includes a persistent discomfort and sense of
inappropriateness about one's birth sex. There is
nothing that has been demonstrated or documented
for me that you've got any discomfort with your birth
sex. It also requires a persistent preoccupation for at
least two years with getting rid of one's primary and
secondary sex characteristics and acquiring the sex
characteristics of the other sex. Again, you haven't
fulfilled this criteria. We are required to first treat you
with procedures commonly accepted as appropriate for
such medical conditions."
From the back of the room, Doctor Singh quietly
muttered "Bull shit. Those standards only apply to
persons with functioning sexual organs, to give them a
chance to back out before they cut something off that
can be restored surgically. It does not apply to a
person that is neuter because of accidents. The way
that he has been damaged, we cannot restore him to
his masculine body. An Orchidectomy procedure to
castrate him has already occurred as a result of the
accident. The male organs have already been removed
and the issue is whether to construct a labia, a clitoris
and a vagina or a penile implant. If he cannot adapt to
the requested female appearance and it's associated
lifestyle, we can restore him to the same appearance
and general masculine body that we could do now. I
think that we should honor his request to reshape his
body so that it is a gynecoid body. The sooner the
better. I'll be your peer reviewer for this case and
recommend approval."
A frown creased her forehead and then she smiled at
me as she continued "My co-worker gets to the point.
I've got to make sure that you're aware of what you're
requesting and to inform you what you will have to do,
to obtain further medical treatment to enhance your
SRS. With our good doctor's permission, I would like to
discuss those issues with you for the next hour. At the
end of the hour, I'll make my decision as to what I'll
recommend for you. Is that fair enough?"
I nodded yes.
She quickly discussed how the hormonal sex
reassignment would probably have some irreversible
effects, such as hair growth, breast growth, skin
softening, and mood fluctuations. She warned me that
the administration of estrogens and progesterones to
me may lead to mild or serious health threatening
complications. I would have my hormonal treatment
after the surgery, which is different from the standard
methods. That she would have to do intensive
psychotherapeutic sessions with me before she could
recommend the hormone treatment. I would have to
work with a endocrinologist who is qualified to
interpret my blood tests and development. I could
expect the hormone changes to start in 1 to 4 months,
become irreversible within 6 to 9 months, leveling off
in 18 months, and be done within 3 years. I wouldn't
have to worry about any male sex drive because there
was no penis or balls. My breast size without implants,
would be a cup size smaller than my mother, but this
would be supplemented with breast implants. My fat
will become redistributed so that I would always be
diagnosed with gynecomastia if I try to resume a
masculine identity, my body hair will lighten, and I'll
lose some muscle tone.
After an hour of discussion, she asked the question
"Dr. Singh was right when he interjected that some of
our standards don't apply to your current medical
case. If you hadn't been damaged and needed this type
of surgery, I would immediately disapprove your
application. However because you at this moment
neuter in your gender, it provides an opportunity to do
some research. We would accept you as a patient,
knowing that there is a high potential of you changing
your mind later. Knowing that this is an emergency
procedure, do you desire reconstructive surgery to be
performed on you that is typical of the surgery that is
performed in a male to female sexual reassignment
surgery; and do you accept the treatment program as
described to you?"
The other two doctors woke up and leaned forward to
see my answer. On my clipboard, I wrote "I ACCEPT.
PROCEED. PLEASE CALL ME JACKIE OR
JACQUELINE FROM NOW ON."
Chapter 4 - The first 30 days
My surgeon re-wrote the procedures that he was going
to perform on me and handed me the papers. I signed
them and he left to schedule the surgery. I was
approved under the condition that I would accept
intensive after surgery counseling and complete at
least 3 months of psychotherapy as condition for
acceptance to hormone therapy.
After the psychotherapy sessions, the doctors will give
me the necessary papers where I can change my name
and other legal documents to reflect my new identity
and gender. They will issue me a new birth certificate
showing me to be female, which will permit obtaining
new driver's license and other necessary documents.
I'll also need some Electrolysis to remove my now
unwanted facial hair. When I was a kid, I always hated
my very light facial growth and wished that I could
grow a beard. Or even a mustache. But now, I'm glad
that it was light. I'll only have to have some electrolysis
around my ears and jawline to remove some of the
darker hair and some strands from over my upper lip.
It had been two days since the accident. Accident hell!
Since Harve tried to murder me. Playing a joke is one
thing but what he did, was intentionally rob me of my
potential title and the money that it would have
brought me. As a result of what he did to me, I was
damaged so that I could never be restored to my
former self or live the life that I had chosen for myself.
Harve did this to me. He wouldn't leave me alone.
When I get out of here, I'm going to teach a lesson.
That is, if I don't kill him first.
As I think about the different ways to get my revenge
upon Harve, I decide that I don't want to kill him. I
want to find a way to inflict pain upon him and to let
him live to experience the pain that he deserves. As I
think about the many different ways to hurt him, I
think of one solution that might work.
I write out some authorizations to a real estate broker
friend back home to sell my father's little ranch for me
and request the hospital Notary Public to notarize my
signature. I'll need some money to pay for what the
insurance will not cover and to help me change my
lifestyle.
******
I'm in intense pain. It has been a week since the
accident and four days since the reconstructive
surgery. My body has surgical bandages all over it
from mid-thigh to the top of my head.
My chest is swollen and extremely tight from the
breast implants. As part of the pre-surgical process, he
showed me several different silicone sacs and pictures
of what the finished breast would look like. I accepted
his recommendation on the type and style of implant
but requested one size bigger than he recommended. I
don't want to go through this surgery twice and feel
that I'll need more than a A cup size. So an incision
was made under each of my nipples into the chest wall
and a silicone sac was positioned in my chest to give
me larger B cup breasts, that should increase to a C
cup after a couple of months of hormone treatments.
The bull's horn had created an opening in my groin
area that was a large cavity that stretched from my
normal anus opening to two inches above where my
penis used to be. It was through this opening, that
they worked on my hips, did the vaginal creation, and
then sewed me back up so that there was some
separation between the vagina and anus. This is where
I hurt the most. I can't move without positioning my
inflatable rubber invalid ring under my butt.
I can't move without feeling pain. Twice a day, the
doctor removes the bandages and changes the gauze
in the vagina form. The form is a device designed to
keep the newly created vaginal passage open during
the period following surgery. My new vagina is
currently packed with gauze which the doctor has to
keep changing. After a week of healing, the gauze will
not be needed, and I can get by with only the vaginal
form in place for most of each day. Then I'll graduate
to inserting the form several times a day for one or two
hours at a time for the next several months or so.
During that time, I also have to lubricate and stretch
the vaginal passage several times daily to ensure that
it maintains the correct shape until I've healed
completely.
The doctor advised me that I'm going to become quite
familiar with thin Maxi Pads and panty liners after
surgery. I'll have to wear the thin Maxis for about 4
weeks after surgery, before I switch to panty liners. I've
got to change the pad after each dilation and Betadine
cleansing. Because of the type of surgery, I've got to
disinfect the surgical and anal area after every bowel
movement.
Although I'm in pain, the doctor has been forcing me
to learn how to dilate myself and how to properly apply
the vaginal moisturizing jelly. I've listened to the
doctor's speech about how to apply the lubricant to
the dilator and then inserting it until I've memorized
every step of the time consuming, uncomfortable, and
sometimes painful process. If I don't dilate properly
and reach full vaginal depth, my vagina will heal so
that it is not the adequate depth and width that will be
needed for sexual intercourse.
I lie down on the bed, place a small pillow under my
hips, waterproof pads on the bed and get as
comfortable as possible. I relax my groin muscles and
insert a little lubricant using an applicator into the
vagina before inserting the dilator into my vaginal
opening. I've got to insert it and move at the correct
angles to avoid damaging the still sensitive and weak
vaginal wall. After I get it under the pubic bone, I
rotate it while applying gentle pressure to ease the
dilator further into my new opening. When it becomes
difficult to rotate because of the pressure, I continue
the rotation and withdraw the dilator slightly to re-
lube the dilator nose. I continue rotating and slowly
inserting the dilator, until I reach the full vaginal
depth where I rotate more to stretch the tissues.
I've got to place several waterproof pads under me
while dilating. After dilating, I gently rub Vitamin E on
my surgical areas to help heal and reduce the scar
tissue formation.
If I wasn't hurting so much in my pelvic area, my face
would be bothering me. It is also bandaged and very
swollen. To minimize visible scar tissue, they operated
from inside my mouth. Incisions were cut between my
lips and gumline, allowing room to insert silicone
cheekbone implants; and to rebuild and re-shape my
nose and jawbone. My Adam's Apple was also shaved. I
still can't talk and my mouth is full of surgical gauze
also.
I feel that I'm tied to the bed with all of these different
tubes flowing into my body to remove urine, or to
provide nourishment.
*******
It's been two weeks since the surgery and the doctor
discharged me from the hospital. I was kept in the
hospital for a longer period because of the nature of
my injuries and the necessity to allow my hip to heal
as much as possible before any weight was placed on I.
I haven't healed completely yet and still have to see the
doctor on a daily basis, but can go home to heal. I
don't want to go to my real home so I check into a local
motel, where I spend my days walking around the
motel room, trying to regain some of my energy and
movement.
Most bandages have been removed from my face but
my face is still swollen and discolored. The inside of
my mouth where the incisions were made, are healed
where I can eat soft food now. I can talk now, but only
limited speech is permitted.
My chest is very tight. I'm wearing a support bra and
have to apply lotion frequently to my new breasts and
to the rest of my exposed body, to help reduce the
swelling as the skin stretches to this new shape.
I can walk around slowly but it is very uncomfortable.
My thighs and hips are covered with dressings still. I
can't sit down without my rubber ring between me and
whatever I'm sitting on. I've got a lot of bruising and
discoloration around the surgical area. There are some
small bruises on my thighs and buttocks, but the most
extensive bruising is from the navel down to my new
vagina. The doctor expects my thigh bruises to fade
within ten days but the rest will remain for several
weeks. I also have some swelling of the entire surgical
site, which is not too comfortable.
Because of the swelling, I'm not able to urinate in a
normal stream. When I sit down on the commode to
pee, which was a very big cultural change for me, I
spray pee everywhere, including all over myself. It is
very messy and requires a very through cleaning. The
doctor told me that his problem will cease once the
swelling subsides.
I also see small amounts of blood and plasma on my
pads, which the doctor told me to expect. I've got to
examine my pads for signs of infection and frequently
find some dead tissue that my body has sloughed off.
Seems that my body determines that some skin
tissues aren't needed in it's new position and sloughs
it off.
I sleep a lot, which the doctor says is natural as my
body diverts my energy to it's healing process. The
doctor says it will take about another four weeks of
this before I'll be completely back to normal and able
to start my new life. The pain is less severe when I'm
lying down; and changing position from lying down to
standing up causes a sharp increase in pain in the
surgical area.
I feel frequent "electrical shocks" in the surgical area,
which are caused by the regrowth of the nerves in the
area. The doctor warned me about this. I know that
they are harmless and should decrease over several
weeks. But the weirdest feeling is the phantom pain
and itches. The surgical movement of tissue with its
associated nerve endings makes me feel an itch on my
now non-existent penis, instead of where the tissue is
now deep inside me. I find myself reaching for the spot
but can't scratch it because it doesn't exist anymore.
Mrs. Crilla lent me several books on female anatomy
and feminine viewpoints. When I see her everyday for
my counseling session, she gives me a pop quiz about
my new body and how to care for it. Prior to my
surgery, I only knew the real names for the vagina and
clitoris. Now, I can describe the vagina and know how
to spell urethra. I always thought that it was just a
straight tube into a woman's body and was surprised
to discover that it was an elongated S shape. As I heal,
I've got to learn how to start controlling the muscles of
the vagina, so that I'm able to expand them during sex.
I've got very standard looking female external sexual
anatomy consisting of the labia majora which enclose
the external genitals, labia minora which are the two
smaller skin inner lips and a clitoris. My clitoris was
made from the remains of my penis, so it has some
erectile tissue, where it can fill with blood and become
firm when sexually stimulated. Or so the doctor states.
He won't give me the chance to experiment with it yet.
It is hid under another fold of skin called the clitoral
hood.
I don't have either a male or female reproductive
system so I'll never be able to parent a child. Because
my body does not naturally produce the quantity of
female hormones that I'll need to maintain a feminine
appearance, I'll have to take carefully determined
hormone treatments for the rest of my life.
Most of her books are on the feminine psychology.
During one of our early sessions, she told me "My
theory of learning how to become a woman is based
upon the general concepts of Alcott."
"Louisa May Alcott wrote Little Women. How does that
apply to me?"
"No, silly. Amos Bronson Alcott in the middle 1800's
was an American educator and transcendentalist
philosopher who maintained that learning should be
based on pleasure and imagination instead of
discipline. If you enjoy what you're doing, you will
learn faster and it becomes easier to make it a part of
your new personality. So we will try to make this as
pleasurable as possible for you, but you've got to use
your imagination to help me."
I thought a lot about what she stated to me next. She
exclaimed "You will discover that you will enjoy your
new sexual identity more once you learn that there is a
difference between ambisexual and bisexual. Most
transsexuals either want to become a Lesbian or have
the normal female/male relationship. The third
difference is Ambisexual. It means that you're sexually
attracted to either sex indiscriminately; or suited to
either sex. Compare that to the more commonly used
word, bisexual which means relating to both sexes;
having both male and female reproductive organs as in
hermaphroditic; or having a sexual orientation to
persons of either sex. In other words, learn to enjoy
having sex with either men or women. It will double
your chances of getting laid when you walk into a bar."
Everyday, I get up, do my prescribed limited exercises,
dilate myself, clean myself up, and then go to the
hospital to visit Mrs. Crilla. I wear a large comfortable
baggy dress because of the bandages and pads that I
still have on my body. Everything that I've done since
the surgery, has to be done as a female would do it.
She calls me Jackie, and discusses me using female
pronouns. The first time that we were having a session
in her office, she told me to go to the bathroom and
made me go into the Women's bathroom.
During our session, she talks to me about self-image
and asks how do I see myself now. She tells me that
I'm an individual with a need to experience the full
human experience. She tells me that everyone has a
masculine and feminine side of their personality; and
she wants to help me bring out my feminine
personality. When I heal a little more and can fully
assume an externally female role, I must be prepared
to present that personality and to accept the
conditions that society places on a woman.
She tells me to learn to be at peace with my new self.
To listen to my body. She tells me that because of my
small body frame, youth, and the surgeon's skill, that
I'll present the exterior image of a woman. But I must
learn to project the interior image of a woman and
blend with the exterior image. I must look, act and
think as if I've always been female.
She tells me that I must learn how to select the correct
makeup for my skin tones, how to apply the makeup
and how to apply the makeup correctly for the clothes
and event. When my faces heals a little more, she will
schedule me for classes with experts to teach me
about proper makeup procedures.
She talks to me about my hair. We sit and look
through different magazines as she explains what she
is seeing and what I've got to learn to see. My hair is
short, but we experiment with it. She gives me a
barrette and has me brush my hair different ways.
She shows me pictures of men and women wearing
women clothes. Some of the pictures are difficult to
determine whether it is a man or a woman wearing the
female clothes because of the makeup, clothes and
their posture. Others are easy to determine because of
their very obvious unflattering appearance.
I've got to learn the names of the different clothes.
Capuchin chador, chuddar, chemisette, faille, and
farthingale were just some of the cultural clothes that I
had to learn about.
She showed me movies of different men and women's
gestures and body language. She stops the movie and
has me comment on the way that people are moving,
standing and gesturing. She goes through motions and
I must determine if it is a natural feminine motion or
an exaggerated motion. I've got to learn to move my
new body like a woman. I've got to watch the way
women walk, sit, rise from a seated position, eat,
stand, and gesture. Learning to walk was difficult
because I discovered that as a man, I would walk by
starting to fall over and moving my feet underneath to
give support before I finish falling. Women use a
balanced movement from the hips and let the rest of
the body come along.
She showed me pictures of me during our first session,
where I was sitting in a chair, with my legs spread and
taking up the whole chair. She had me sit in the same
chair, with good posture, my knees together, and arms
close in to my body; while she took another picture.
Then she showed me the difference in the two pictures.
We went through my old photo albums and she
immediately noticed that I've got a deep tan in every
picture. She fussed at me for all of the skin damage
that I allowed myself to suffer. She tells me that with
my light eyes, new face, that I would look beautiful as
a blonde. But I must have light skin and stay away
from suntans.
When we first started our treatments, I was forbidden
to say anything because my larynx hadn't healed
enough yet. And I wasn't making any facial movements
because of my facial surgery. As part of my counseling,
she had me listen to several tapes to determine how to
project femininity with just a voice. My voice, when I
could speak again, would be different from what it
used to be, because of the damage. I would have a
pitch within the accepted range, but I must learn
different speaking patterns to complete the vocal
transformation. I must learn how to annunicate some
words differently, must change my vocabulary to a
female vocabulary and must expand the dynamic
range of my voice. Additionally, I must learn how to
express the correct facial expressions and body
language to support my speech patterns. When you
watch video comparisons of men and women speaking,
it is quite easy to see that women are more expressive
in their delivery, while men are flat and very
monotone.
She tells me that I must expand my living skills to
learn about fashion, cooking, and taking care of kids. I
must be able to talk with normal women about jewelry
or cooking chicken.
Chapter 5 - High Heels
The cab pulls out of the traffic lane and over to the
curb. The driver gets out, adjusts his cap, walks
around to the passenger door and opens the door. He
stands where he knows will be the best position for
watching his passenger exit his cab. Slowly, a pair of
long, shapely legs rotate out of the back seat
floorboard and a pair of three inch high heels gently
touch the ground. Then the legs tense, the knee-high
skirt parts slightly, revealing just a shimmer of white
at the apex of the pantyhose legs, and the rest of the
body lifts itself to a standing-up position outside the
cab. As she stands, she adjusts the skirt from where it
had ridden up her legs during the cab ride, to a more
appropriate fit around her thin waist and hips. The
blonde-haired young woman is wearing a loose fitting
white silk blouse, with an open vee to reveal just a hint
of the cleavage; and a dark skirt. Her short blonde hair
has just the right amount of tousled curl to show off
the highlights. Around her neck is a slender gold
necklace that matches the gold earrings on her ears.
She reaches into her purse and removes a folded bill,
which she holds out to the driver. Her hand has a gold
bracelet dangling from the wrist and two rings on her
fingers. The bill is held by long, slim fingers with long
fingernails that are neatly manicured and freshly
polished with bright red polish. She flashes a gleaming
smile at the driver and says in a very soft, sultry voice
"Thank you for the ride. I enjoyed talking with you.
Your mother's recipe for potato salad sounds delicious
and I must try it sometime. The next time that I need a
cab, I'll ask for you."
She turns and walks toward the mall entrance, putting
her purse strap on her shoulder. The driver watches
the fluid movements of her hips from the back and her
sexy walk into the mall. Although he has another call
waiting, he is no hurry yet. He is waiting for her to get
to the heavy mall entrance door. He watches as she
presses on the door and it doesn't budge. She presses
harder and he watches as her tight-skirted ass tenses
up from the push. He has a big grin on his face,
thinking about what he would like to do to her, if he
was only twenty years younger. Under his breath, he
mutters "Damn right I would."
She walks slowly through the mall, listening to the
sound of her high heels clicking on the hard tile floor,
pausing occasionally to look into a store window. A
blouse on a mannequin catches her attention and she
enters the shop to touch the blouse and feel the
material. A sales clerk approaches her and the woman
politely turns the clerk back. She is only looking. She
picks up a scarf and places it on the mannequin,
looking at how the scarf complements the blouse.
She exits the shop and continues down the mall. She
stops at a small mall vendor wagon to sample a
perfume on her wrist and to smell it. The clerk is a
young attractive Asian woman wearing a long tunic
that is slit on the sides and over loose trousers. The
blonde smiles at her as she says "I wish that I had a
body that could wear the type of clothing that you've
got on. Don't you call it an Ao Dai?"
The clerk gives a shy smile as she replies "Yes. My
husband insists that I wear the traditional dress of
Vietnamese women. But I would trade bodies and
clothes with you anytime."
The blonde smiles as she looks at the watch on her
wrist and tells the clerk that she will be back later.
She walks down the mall center strip, knowing that
she is being observed by several men, sitting on the
common seats, while their wives shop. She can feel
them as they stare at her; their eyes following her
every moment, knowing that they are mentally
undressing her as she walks. She ignores them as if
she is not aware of them or their very noticeable
actions because she is used to men staring at her
beautiful face and shapely young body. She proceeds
through the shopping area as if she is the only person
in the whole mall, obvious to their various apparent
observations.
She enters a restaurant and hands the maitre d a
business card. He looks at it, and bows as he accepts
the card. He smiles and leads the way to a reserved
table for two with a view of the small lake outside the
restaurant. She waits while he adjusts the table and
pulls out a chair for her. She sits down, smoothing her
skirt as he adjusts the chair closer to the table for her.
A waiter appears with a winelist. The waiter stands
close to the table and slightly on his tiptoes so that he
can look down her cleavage as she looks at the
winelist. She looks up at him, smiles a movie star type
smile and says softly "Chardonnay, please."
He turns and goes back to the kitchen. She opens her
purse and removes a pack of cigarettes and a small
mirror. She opens the mirror, looks at her face and
removes a tube of lipstick from the purse. She opens
the tube, purses her lips and touches her lipstick up.
She puts the tube and lipstick back into her purse.
She slowly removes the cellophane with her long
fingernails and opens the pack. When the pack is
open, a man from a nearby table is standing there with
his cigarette lighter ready. She looks up at him, smiles
at him, and puts the cigarette in her mouth and lets
him light it for her. After he lights it, she places the
cigarette in the ashtray and repays the man's service
with a smile as she quietly says "Thank you very
much. I keep forgetting to put matches in my purse."
He smiles back and replies "I would be lost without my
lighter. Are you dining alone?"
"No, I'm meeting my best friend for lunch today."
"Oh. May I recommend the Chef Salad. This restaurant
is my favorite because of their Salad. I come here twice
a week. Have you been here before?"
"No, this is my first time here. I've been in town for two
months and just started getting out the last couple of
weeks."
"The Chateau Rosealon is famous for their food. If you
don't have any plans for tonight, I would be delighted
to treat you to dinner there and to show you some of
the nicer places of my wonderful city."
"Thank you, but I already have plans for tonight and
will be going back home soon."
"If you change your mind, here is my business card
and it has my private number on it. Feel free to call me
if you change your mind. I would be honored to escort
you to dinner some evening."
"Thank you." she uttered as another woman is
escorted to the table by the maitre'd. The man looks at
the new woman, gives her a polite smile, and walks
back to his table.
The new woman sits down and hides a grin on her face
as she says "You reject them too fast. I would reel that
one back in and see if that bulge in his suit trousers
was for real. I keep telling you that I would like to have
second chance at some of your rejects, Jackie."
I picked my cigarette back up and took another draw
before putting it back into the ashtray.
Mrs. Crilla lit her own cigarette and I noticed that no
one came over to offer her a light. The waiter brought
my wine and she ordered her drink. Then she asked " I
was in one of the shops and saw you sample the
perfume. As you walked down the aisle, you walked as
if you had been walking in high heels all of your life.
How did everything else go today?"
"Good. I went shopping and tried on several outfits. I
purchased a couple of the outfits. I also bought me
some new bras and matching panties. The older ones
are getting tight as my breasts fill out more. Then I
went to a photographic studio and had some pictures
made. The photographer tried to hit on me by
suggesting that he could help me get some modeling
work. I think that I'm doing good to have been a man
only two months ago."
"Yes, you are. You've got the beautiful face of an angel,
the sexy body of a vixen, the wonderful smile of a
Hollywood movie star, and the pleasant personality of
a very natural and happy woman. Based upon your
laboratory tests and full examination yesterday by our
team, I'm happy to inform you that we will certify that
you've completed the major part of your treatment
early and can start living the female life that you
desire. This means that you can start having sex, only
you should not have any rough sex for three or four
more months. Just keep it to the normal slam-blam-
thank you type of sex and you will be all right. It also
means that you can get a new legal name change and
birth certificate to prove that you're this new person.
You will have to check back in with us every month for
six months and then once every six months for two
years so we can evaluate your progress. What are you
going to do with your new life, now that you don't have
to hang around our clinic anymore?"
I picked up my wine glass, held it out so that we could
clink glasses in celebration of my advancement, and
then took a little sip of the wine. I would have
preferred a beer but knew that beer wasn't appropriate
for me now. Ladies always practice moderation, when
they are drinking. As I sat my glass down, I stared at
the lipstick that I left on the rim and quietly declared
"Think I'll look up some old school chums and see how
much they have changed since I last saw them."
Chapter 6 - Completing my education
The next four months were just as busy as the first
two months. My father's ranch was discovered to have
some unknown hidden resources by my friend. They
discovered oil during the survey. I sold it for fifty times
what my father thought it was worth. I also get a
bonus of seventy-five thousand dollars a year for the
rest of my life. With the sale of the ranch, I can now
live any type of life that I desire.
I bought a lot of new clothes and jewelry. After all, if
my plan is going to work, I've got to look the part.
I also started experimenting with sex. Two weeks after
Mrs. Crilla gave her permission for me to start having
sex, I let a young doctor pick me up. He didn't know
my medical history and thought that I was a medical
student doing some intern work. We didn't talk much
about medical work the first night because we were too
busy screwing each other.
******
I let him pick me up at my apartment. I had to get a
place to stay because the motel was costing too much.
After dinner, he asked me if I wanted to go to a nice
quite little bar that he knew. All through dinner, I
knew what I wanted to do and had to do sooner or
later. Not so much with him, but just to have a first
time for myself. He was as good as anyone to start
with. I went to the bathroom and used an applicator to
place some vagina jelly inside me so that I would be
ready later. I knew that some transsexuals are able to
produce their own lubrication but some can't. I had to
find out about myself.
I told him to take me to his place.
When we got to his place, I asked him to fix me a
drink. He started opening the wine bottle and I
commanded "No, make it a double bourbon and coke."
While he fixed the drinks, I lit a cigarette and stood
looking out the window at the cars parked on the
street. I felt him walk up behind me and hand the
drink to me. As I took a swig of the liquor, letting it's
warmth flow through my body, he put his arms
around my hips and blended his body to my shape. I
continued to stare out the window, a drink in one
hand and a cigarette in the other. I felt his hand trace
my body's outline as he moved his hand slowly up my
body, down my arm and to my fingers. He took the
cigarette from my limp fingers and put it out in an
ashtray. Then his fingers slowly flowed back up my
arm and around to my open vee of my blouse.
I didn't move as his fingers unbuttoned the top two
buttons of my blouse. His fingers found their way into
my bra and started squeezing my left breast. I finished
the rest of my bourbon and put the glass down on the
table.
I felt a wonderful warmth flow through my body and I
turned around so that I was facing him. His hands
dropped to my ass.
We kissed and I almost jumped when I felt the
roughness of his face from where he shaved everyday.
Was my face ever that rough on a woman's more
tender skin? I let his tongue enter my mouth and I
responded with my own tongue.
As we kissed, he pulled my blouse loose from where it
had been tucked into my skirt and down my back. I
dropped my arms so it could fall off. Without pausing,
his hands moved to my bra and unsnapped the hooks.
As my bra loosened, his hands moved to my breasts
and started cupping and squeezing them.
With my hands, I unbuttoned his shirt and ran my
hands over his smooth soft flesh. He was taller than
me, and was bending over to maintain the kiss. But at
the same time, he was contorting his body so that he
was rubbing his erection against me.
I realized that I was enjoying this. That I was also
getting turned on. That I wanted to have sex with him.
I was still confused but no longer holding back on
participating.
I remembered my discussions with Mrs. Crilla on what
to expect and what I should do. I slowly, provocatively
opened my legs into a wide V so that he could press
his leg between mine.
I felt his fingers fumbling with my skirt. I found his
belt and had his trousers undone before he got my
skirt loose. We separated our lips only long enough to
get rid of all of our clothes.
I was standing there naked, in the window of his
apartment, with him running his hands all over my
body. He reached for my hand and gently led me to the
carpet in front of the couch. He laid down on the
couch and let me stand in front of him. I knew that he
wanted me to blow him and I whispered "Not on the
first date. We have to save something for the next
time.".
I watched his eyes as he hungrily eyed me, knowing
that he was very pleased with the way I looked. A
young, very pretty blonde woman, with a very sexy
perfectly proportioned body, with a nice set of boobs
that was his for the taking. I postured myself so he
could see what I had to offer. I moved slowly so that
my tits traced invisible circles in the air just inches
from his face. I pointed the slightly perky tips at this
mouth and pulled back as his mouth started opening.
Anticipation must be taught to him.
I turned my back to him as I ran my hands slowly
down the smooth expanse of naked flesh to where it
flared to broad, womanly hips and a very provocative
ass. I knew it was the best ass that he had ever seen
unless he was a proctologist. I continued running my
hands down my legs and thighs, showing him how
shapely, trim, and long they were.
When I slowly turned back around, I looked down at
his seven inch long erection and knew he was pleased
with what I had to offer him tonight.
I laid on the couch beside him and felt his tongue dart
into my mouth. I used my tongue to stroke and lightly
glide over his as we laid naked on the couch.
Remembering Mrs. Crilla's advice, I reached down and
gripped his firm cock. I began massaging his balls,
tweaking and delicately pinching his scrotum, gently
running my fingers through his pubic hair. As I
breathed heavily in his ear, knowing that my hot
breath was exciting him, I whispered, "Just lay back
and enjoy letting me explore you and make love to
you."
Before he could say anything, my tongues flicked in
and out of his ear as my wet, warm tongue caused him
to groan. I gently nibbled his earlobe as I continued my
manual stroking of his penis, remembering what this
used to do to me when I had a cock.
He reached out and squeezed both of my breasts. As
he slowly rhythmically squeezed them, I jumped as I
felt a warm wonderful flush of pleasure hit my body.
My nipples seemed to expand and grow as he played
with them. His gentle squeezing quickly turned the
tiny reddish-brown nubbins into hard, blood-filled
little nipples. He pulled me to him and began suckling
at my boobs. This excited me immensely. I could have
let him do that all night long, but knew that there were
other things that I also wanted to experience.
He tongued my nipples and pushed them around in
small circles with his lips and tongue. I heard myself
moan once and knew that I had to regain a little
control. I pulled myself loose from his mouth and with
a little pressure, had him lying on his back.
I straddled his waist as I put a leg on each side of his
body. I rose up slightly, spread my trimmed cunt lips
and rubbed his hard erection against my brand new
clitoris. The wonderful feeling as his glans touched my
outer labia caused me to shudder.
I looked into his eyes as I guided his red, swollen cock
slowly into my wet and hungry pussy. I slowly lowered
my body over his, feeling the wonderful feeling as a
real cock squeezed inside me. If a dilator felt this good,
I would dilate ten times a day.
I used my cuntal muscles and could feel them squeeze
down on his entrapped, quivering cock. Then I slowly
rose up, letting his cock fuck me.
He couldn't keep from twitching and wiggling his hips
under me once I started this. I wanted him to lie there
and let me fuck myself on his impaling cock. But after
only three very slow and wonderful slow strokes of his
cock using only my vagina walls to touch him, he
couldn't take anymore.
His hips started rising to meet mine. As I used my
thigh muscles to slowly go up and down, he was using
his body to pump me faster. His motion was very
addicting and I began humping his cock faster and
faster as my passions mounted.
I looked in the mirror and saw him clutching my tits
and squeezing the nipples while I was screwing myself
on his thrusting cock.
Then it hit me. A wonderful warm flame roared
through my mind pushing all thoughts from my mind,
except to pull that wonderful cock further inside me.
As I experienced my first climax, I could feel my cunt
convulsing and grabbing wildly at his cock in a tight
grip.
Every nerve in my body was on fire. Pleasure flew
through my tissues as I exploded. I fell over on him
and wanted to die in peace, but he wasn't ready yet. I
was so weak that I couldn't move but he was moving
me. His cock was still pounding away inside me and I
felt my body responding to that pounding. Within
seconds, I was back up and riding him faster and
harder, letting his cock pound deep inside me.
I screamed. Not with pain, but with pleasure. Pleasure
that I had never experienced before. I pumped his cock
fast, hoping that this night would never end. Then I
felt his stop and every muscle tense in his body. For
what seemed like thirty seconds, we paused.
Then he shuddered and I felt his cock pumping it's
warm fluid deep into my hungering cunt. I felt my
brain explode again as new pleasure flowed through
my body and I collapsed on him as my body also
experienced another wonderful climax.
We laid there on his couch. I could feel his semi-hard
cock inside me and could feel his warm juices draining
from my body onto his body. I could feel his warm and
sweaty body under my equally sweaty body..
I felt his limp penis wetly slide from within me. As it
shrunk, I wondered if it would make a little pop sound
as it came out. I changed position slightly so that I was
lying curled up in his arms and looking at his once
mighty cock, now covered with my cunt juice and his
own cum.
I smiled. I was no longer a virgin.
He lit a cigarette and we laid there on his couch, while
we smoked it. Then we went to his bedroom.
******
Per my previous promise to Mrs. Crilla, I went straight
to her the next day and discussed what I did, what it
felt like, and what I thought. She listened to me
discuss what sex was like as a woman and only had
one comment "Come back and see me after you've
given some man a blow job."
Two days later, I was back in her office.
Different guy but I was more sexually liberated with
this man. At first I laid on my back and let him pound
me. But after he had filled me with cum and we were
both lying there feeling that warm glow, I watched his
cock resting on his body and wanted to taste it. I
surprised myself when I bent over and wrapped my
lips around it.
Mrs. Crilla asked the same questions and I had to
remember the different positions, describe how I felt
and what I did. She finished up the session by
commenting "Come back and see me after you fall in
love."
I lasted almost three weeks before I knocked on her
door again. Kevin was the sixth man that I had made
love to. I spent three nights in his bed and it was no
longer screwing or fucking. It was making love. I could
only think about how nice it was to lay beside him in
bed and to feel his warm, thick cock inside my vagina.
Mrs. Crilla asked the same questions and I had to
remember the different positions, describe how I felt
and what I did. She finished up th