Different Ways To Ride free porn video

DIFFERENT WAYS TO RIDE or Rodeo.txt by Waldo Chapter 1 - The Accident Chapter 2 - The Hospital Chapter 3 - The Surgery Chapter 4 - The first 30 days Chapter 5 - High Heels Chapter 6 - Completing my education Chapter 7 - Watching the Rodeo Chapter 8 - Harve and Revenge Different Ways to Ride Chapter 1 - The Accident As the rodeo announcer called the final results of the last event, I climbed onto the wooden fence and stared down at the massive bull that I was supposed to ride in this next event. Bull-riding, because of the ferocity of the bull, is the most dangerous event in the rodeo. I've got to hold on to a short piece of bull-rope that circles the trunk of the bull and, using just one hand, must stay on for a 8-second period while the bull tries to buck me off of it's back. If I fall, or if my free hand touches any part of my own body or that of the bull, I'm disqualified. After my 8 seconds of hell is up, I've got to find some way to quickly dismount and to get away from the bull safely. "Everyone look at the little boy trying to fill his daddy's britches." screams someone next to the fence. I turn quickly to see who is yelling, but I already know that it is Harve Bowen. Harve and I went to high school together and he was the class bully who decided that I would be the butt of all of his jokes. He made my childhood years miserable with his constant pranks. When I followed in my late father's footsteps into the rodeo circuit, I was only weeks ahead of Harve also joining the circuit. For the three years that I had been a professional rodeo cowboy, he had been my almost daily nemesis. I tried to miss events that I knew he was attending, but there are only so many events on the circuits and we were constantly thrown together. "Get the fuck out of here Harve. I need to concentrate on what I'm doing." I responded quietly. "You misjudge me, little guy. I just came over here to wish you good luck. I wouldn't want to be the one riding a bull called Devil's Staircase. No sireee, bob, I just wanted to be close to watch you show your skill. You ain't going to jump off of that fence and throw me out of here again, are you, little man?" he asked smirking. I bit my lip to keep from letting him know that he was able to get me upset so easily. I wanted to jump off of the fence and beat the shit out of him, but all of my previous attempts had failed. Harve was eight inches taller than me and weighed almost eighty pounds more than my puny 130 pounds. I had fought him before and always lost. A couple of times, he had goaded me into throwing the first punch which caused me to be eliminated from one event. I can't afford to be thrown out of this one, because for the first time in my career, I've got a decent chance of placing in the top overall category for the year. I need to have a successful ride on this bull to win today's rodeo championship. I ignore his taunts and ease off of the fence onto the bull's back. The bull jerks with my touch and wants to buck, but within the tight enclosure of the bullpen, he can't move. As I put my legs around his mighty back, I can feel the ton of dynamite under me, just waiting for the moment to explode. The heavy smell from his body fills the tiny pen and I can feel the power of the angry creature that my legs were wrapped around. He snorts and bumps against the fence, ready to rid me from his back. I force my hat down on my head so I don't have to worry about it later. I take the bullrope and wrap the loose end tightly around my gloved hand, being careful to wrap it so I can hold onto it, but can also easily let go of it when my 8 seconds are up. You don't want to spend more than your required time on anything this mean and wild. The bull stomps and I can feel the heat radiating from his angry body as he, like me, waits for the moment that the gate opens. I watch as the rider in the next chute bounces into the area and watch as he almost holds onto his bull for his very short ride, which seems like eternity when you're the one on his back. I see the rider loose his rope and his legs go flying as he is thrown. Before he hits the ground, the bull is turning for him as it is still bucking. A rodeo clown runs in front of the bull and the bull's attention is diverted from the falling rider to the running clown. While the bull chases the clown, the other clowns help the hapless rider to his feet. By the time that the bull discovers that the clown has escaped him, everyone else is out of the arena. The rider was all right and just needed a moment to catch his breath after he hit the ground. I sit still and wait my turn as the mounted riders direct the bull out of the area. Then the announcer's voice booms over the loudspeaker as he says "In chute number three, from Bronson Montana, Roger Corbin, riding Devil's Staircase. Devil's Staircase didn't get that name by being a tame bull. If Roger can go the distance, he stands a good chance of winning the Top Cowboy for today's rodeo with a good ride. Let's give Roger a big cheer." "Make this a good ride. I brought my camcorder today just to film this ride." Harve says as he climbs up on the fence and aims the camcorder lens at my face. I try to ignore him and check my hold. I look out into the arena and see that the clowns are ready and waiting on my action. I check my hold one more time, knowing that it was the only thing holding me to this barrel of dynamite. Then I look at the man holding the gate and look deep into his waiting eyes. I nod that I'm ready and he nods back to me. It is time to go. The gate opens and my ride through hell begins. The bull jumps as the gate opens and I brace myself for the shock as we hit the ground, knowing that he will buck again immediately and twist as he jumps. I'm concentrating on holding my right hand high and controlling my position on the bull's back with my left hand holding onto the rope and my legs wrapped around the bull's ribs. As the bull bucks again, I sense that something is wrong, but everything is happening so fast that I can't tell what is wrong. I know that I still have the rope but I feel myself flying away from the bull and then coming down toward the ground in front of the bull. As I hit the ground, the air is knocked out of me and I can see the clown running for the bull but the bull is ignoring him and is still jumping up over me. I know that the bull came down on me, but I can't feel anything but pain in my lower extremities. I try to crawl away when the bull moves but the bull gores me between the legs with his horns, lifting me in the air as he throws me another time. The bull refused to chase the clown and stomped me at least three times before the clowns can get him away from me. As I pass out, I see the rescue squad running onto the field with their little stretcher. I know it is for me, but the only thing that I can think of, is why did my rope not hold? Chapter 2 - The Hospital "Can you hear me, cowboy?" says a voice through my confused mist of thoughts. I tried to speak but couldn't for the tube down my throat. I opened my eyes and saw that I was in a hospital. Now I remember what happened. The doctor reported "You're very lucky that you've got a naturally small frame. If you've been a normal size man, you would be dead now. As it is, you've got some severe internal injuries and will require reconstructive surgery. We will hold you here for another day to make sure that you're stabilized and then transfer you to Denver. We don't have the specialist here that you will need. You're alive. Be grateful for that." As he walked off, I tried to remember what happened. Some parts of my memory were fuzzy. I could clearly remember Harve egging me on and some of the ride, but I don't remember why I fell. I remember the bull coming down on me. As I tried to remember, another voice pulled me back. "Hello, Roger. I been waiting in the hallway for over three hours and the doctor said that I could see you for just a minute. I know that you can't talk now but I thought that I would come by and see you." It took effort to turn my head but I saw Wayne Jenkins, one of the clowns that follows the same circuit. He and I had visited a few bars together and he was someone that I trusted. I tried to smile but couldn't. Wayne continued "I got your saddle and collected your earnings. I stored your saddle and truck over at the truckstop. I paid the storage bill for two months and when you get out, you can pay me back. I just wanted you to know that a lot of us are thinking of you and praying for you. I also picked up the rest of the rope that you were using. Roger, I ain't no expert, but it looks to me like someone cut part way through your rope, so it would break." Harve. The son-of-a-bitch tried to kill me. I started crying and trying to grunt with the tube down my throat. My noises brought the nurse, who ran Wayne out and sedated me. ***** I'm in a different hospital. The accident was yesterday and they shipped me here today. All morning, they have been examining me and now the doctor is ready to tell me what they can do. He lays a clipboard on my lap so I can write my questions or comments down because I still can't speak with the tube down my throat. "Mr. Corbin, you were damaged in three critical parts of your body. The most critical damage is to your male reproductive system. Your testes were completely destroyed, which produce the male hormones, or androgens. These hormones are manufactured in the testes and circulate throughout the body, affecting various organs. You will need to take frequent doses of hormones for the rest of your life, to maintain the balance needed by your body. Another thing to consider, is that you will never be able to father children now. The common term for this is eunuch. The testes and penis were damaged by the bull's horn, goring you between the legs. The horn penetrated you about the location of your scrotum and proceeded to rip a hole about three inches in diameter and eight inches inside you. The emergency surgery that you had yesterday, didn't attempt to fix this problem, but only to clean it up and stop the blood flow. During clean-up, they removed your testicles. Before I explain what we can do for you, I would like to discuss all of the damage." he suggested. I nodded yes. "The damage to the penis crushed two of the three hollow spongelike cylinders of tissue, which fill with blood and become firm or erected, which permits sexual penetration. The penis was damaged beyond repair although it is still attached to your body. Your bladder was slightly damaged but it was repaired as was the duct that the bladder uses to empty it's waste through your penis. The emergency surgery re-routed this duct so your penis is not providing any function now." he stated pausing to see if I understood what he was saying. I nodded for him to continue. "Your left hip was crushed and will require replacement. Your right hip was damaged but it is minor damage compared to your left hip. Your left hip will have to be replaced. The rest of the damage was to your head. Your nose cartilage was completely destroyed. Both cheekbones were broken, as was your jawbone. Also your larynx was crushed. In summary, we will have to re-build your complete face and larynx." he looked at his notes to see if he had forgotten anything. Then he continued. "Your face will be the easiest to fix but it will be painful for you. We will do an incision within your mouth and build a new nose, cheekbones, and jawline for you. When you heal, there will be no visible scars. We will need several close-up photographs of your face and we will try to make you look like your old face as much as possible. Or if you desire, we can change the way that you look by changing your facial structure. It's up to you as any changes that you may want. Your larynx was damaged, but it has already been fixed. It had to be shortened, which will result in a higher sounding voice. When it heals, you will find it easier to sing soprano than to sing bass." "The most difficult surgery will be to repair your left hip. Normally we make an incision in the buttock, but your accident left a temporary very large opening between your anus and penis that we can work with. You currently have one big slit between your legs that we can use and then sew up, thus reducing the scar area. This will also hide the scar area so it will not be noticeable. When we fix your left hip, it will make your left hip a little wider. Rather than have you go through the rest of your life with one hip bigger than the other, I would recommend that we replace your right hip at the same time. Your hips then will be symmetrical in appearance, although slightly large for a normal man's body. They will not be any bigger than a woman's hips. After we do the hip implant, we will sew this new body cavity up, reconnect your bladder duct to your penis, and insert a penis implant into your penis. You will have a penis that is constantly semi-hard and capable of penetration. You will have some feeling down there, although it won't be the same. Do you have any questions?" he asked. I nodded no. He removed some papers from his clipboard and put them on my clipboard. Then he announced "These papers are authorization for your surgery. I've scheduled you for tomorrow morning. I'll go ahead with my medical rounds and return when I finish. That will give you some time to think about what we must do, before you sign these permission slips." He walked out of the room and left me to my thoughts. A million thoughts were floating through my head. Harve did this to me. The son-of-a-bitch. I'll kill him when I get out of here. I looked at the papers that the doctor wanted me to sign. I didn't have much of a choice. If I signed, I would be a wide-hipped man with a woman's voice for the rest of my life. I knew that my rodeo circuit days were over, but so was my sexual life. I would never be able to have sex again. Or would I? My face went flush as thousands of thoughts flew through my head as I considered what I had just thought. Within thirty seconds, I had worked out a plan. A multi-step plan. I wrote my instructions down and waited for the doctor to return. As I waited, I thought what I intended to do and confirmed that this was what I wanted. Chapter 3 - The Surgery "Have you signed those papers yet?" asked the doctor as he entered my room. I shook my head no and handed him my instructions. He read them and looked at me as he responded "Your request is possible and is something that should reasonably be considered. It is just as easy to make you into a woman as it is to try to restore your manhood. As I discussed earlier, we can make your face look however you want it. It would be very easy to make it look feminine, by adding higher cheekbones, a more delicate nose, and a slightly different jawline. While we are working on your face, we would go ahead and shave the Adam's apple, to reduce that area to a more feminine throat. As for the rest of the sex change that you're requesting, that is also possible. You've got enough skin left where we can create a realistic looking and feeling vagina, with a small clitoris. Breast implants can be inserted into your chest to give you female breasts. Because your testicles were destroyed, you were going to have to take male hormones for the rest of the life, and it will be just as easy to take female hormones, which will soften your skin, reduce your facial growth and provide the same effect to your organs. With your small narrow male chest, you will have good potential of passing as a natural woman. By the time that your hair grows a little longer, no one will be able to tell the new you from a natural woman. It can be done." I grabbed the clipboard and wrote one last instruction which read "I don't want anyone to know about this." He continued "What you're requesting is possible. However, there are guidelines that this hospital must follow concerning sexual reassignment surgery. I've got to discuss your request with the hospital Chief of Staff and will need his signed permission before I can do what you're requesting. I can do the surgery, but someone else must sign all of the legal documents that are required in sexual re-assignment surgery. Well, the sooner that a decision is made about this, the sooner that you can start healing. I'll be back after awhile." ********* "Mr. Corbin, I'm the hospital Chief of Staff, Doctor Watkins. I would like to introduce Mrs. Crilla, who is our resident clinical specialist. She has a Masters Degree in clinical behavioral science, specializing in Gender Dysphoria. Beside her is Doctor Singh, who is an accredited Urologist. The three of us are here to evaluate you and determine if you're a candidate for the type of surgery that you're requesting. Before anyone will be permitted to undergo sex re-assignment surgery or SRS as we prefer to call it, they have to follow a prescribed evaluation and testing procedure. Naturally, with your accident, you may be an exception to our Standards of Care. Because a decision has to be made quickly, we would like to tape our interview with you. Is that OK?" I nodded my head yes and heard the click of the camera as it started recording our interview. He continued "We have minimal requirements that must be satisfied. Our hospital subscribes to the doctrine described by the Harry Benjamin International Gender Dysphoria Association. All three of us must agree that the surgery that you're requesting, will not have an negative affect upon your future life; and we must document our arguments as to whatever course of action is selected for you. Although you were injured in an accident and require reconstructive surgery, the actual procedures that you're requesting, is considered Surgical Sex Reassignment. SRS is composed of two different concepts. The Genital surgical sex reassignment is to alter the remains of the genitalia and to modify your breasts for the purpose of altering the morphology of your genetic male body to have the general appearance of a genetic female body. The other concept concerns any surgical procedures that change a masculine appearance to a feminine appearance on non-genital and non-breast sites. Nose, throat, chin, hips, and cheek surgery are examples of this concept. Our normal standards allow us to follow the patients wishes when there have been facial injuries, such as yours. If you want your face changed to present a feminine appearance, that is your right. Look at Michael Jackson and how much he changed his face to look like his sister's face. The issue that we have to address and apply our standard to, is the issue of your genitalia surgery. Mrs. Crilla, is acknowledged as having the appropriate training, education, and experience to evaluate your mental status and to recommend or disapprove the SRS for you. She has special training in general psychotherapy, sex therapy, and gender counseling/therapy." As he sat down, she stepped forward and took my hand in her hand. She recited softly "Please understand that this is not a simple yes or no decision. We have been involved in similar circumstances before and have had to disapprove more requests than we have approved. Our typical SRS patient is suffering from Gender Dysphoria and have had extensive psychiatric evaluations with a diagnosis of transsexualism prior to the SRS. They aren't happy with their birth sex and the sex role defined for their birth sex. They typically go through two years of treatment to include living the life of the desired sex for a year before we proceed further. During that period, a lot of them find out that the life wasn't as glamorous as they thought it would be and accept their natural place in society. But a large percent of the applicants adapt to the new role and after through counseling, are approved for hormonal sex reassignment. The hormones, have effects and consequences which aren't readily reversible. We don't permit hormonal procedures to be performed on an elective basis. It is professionally improper to perform hormonal sex reassignment and/or SRS without careful evaluation of the patient's reasons for requesting the services. We have to evaluate the beliefs and attitudes upon which the reasons are based. We have to believe that the SRS will improve the quality of life. In your case, that may be difficult to determine quickly." I guess that I flinched when she advised that because she quickly continued "The diagnostic criteria for transsexualism has already been established. It includes a persistent discomfort and sense of inappropriateness about one's birth sex. There is nothing that has been demonstrated or documented for me that you've got any discomfort with your birth sex. It also requires a persistent preoccupation for at least two years with getting rid of one's primary and secondary sex characteristics and acquiring the sex characteristics of the other sex. Again, you haven't fulfilled this criteria. We are required to first treat you with procedures commonly accepted as appropriate for such medical conditions." From the back of the room, Doctor Singh quietly muttered "Bull shit. Those standards only apply to persons with functioning sexual organs, to give them a chance to back out before they cut something off that can be restored surgically. It does not apply to a person that is neuter because of accidents. The way that he has been damaged, we cannot restore him to his masculine body. An Orchidectomy procedure to castrate him has already occurred as a result of the accident. The male organs have already been removed and the issue is whether to construct a labia, a clitoris and a vagina or a penile implant. If he cannot adapt to the requested female appearance and it's associated lifestyle, we can restore him to the same appearance and general masculine body that we could do now. I think that we should honor his request to reshape his body so that it is a gynecoid body. The sooner the better. I'll be your peer reviewer for this case and recommend approval." A frown creased her forehead and then she smiled at me as she continued "My co-worker gets to the point. I've got to make sure that you're aware of what you're requesting and to inform you what you will have to do, to obtain further medical treatment to enhance your SRS. With our good doctor's permission, I would like to discuss those issues with you for the next hour. At the end of the hour, I'll make my decision as to what I'll recommend for you. Is that fair enough?" I nodded yes. She quickly discussed how the hormonal sex reassignment would probably have some irreversible effects, such as hair growth, breast growth, skin softening, and mood fluctuations. She warned me that the administration of estrogens and progesterones to me may lead to mild or serious health threatening complications. I would have my hormonal treatment after the surgery, which is different from the standard methods. That she would have to do intensive psychotherapeutic sessions with me before she could recommend the hormone treatment. I would have to work with a endocrinologist who is qualified to interpret my blood tests and development. I could expect the hormone changes to start in 1 to 4 months, become irreversible within 6 to 9 months, leveling off in 18 months, and be done within 3 years. I wouldn't have to worry about any male sex drive because there was no penis or balls. My breast size without implants, would be a cup size smaller than my mother, but this would be supplemented with breast implants. My fat will become redistributed so that I would always be diagnosed with gynecomastia if I try to resume a masculine identity, my body hair will lighten, and I'll lose some muscle tone. After an hour of discussion, she asked the question "Dr. Singh was right when he interjected that some of our standards don't apply to your current medical case. If you hadn't been damaged and needed this type of surgery, I would immediately disapprove your application. However because you at this moment neuter in your gender, it provides an opportunity to do some research. We would accept you as a patient, knowing that there is a high potential of you changing your mind later. Knowing that this is an emergency procedure, do you desire reconstructive surgery to be performed on you that is typical of the surgery that is performed in a male to female sexual reassignment surgery; and do you accept the treatment program as described to you?" The other two doctors woke up and leaned forward to see my answer. On my clipboard, I wrote "I ACCEPT. PROCEED. PLEASE CALL ME JACKIE OR JACQUELINE FROM NOW ON." Chapter 4 - The first 30 days My surgeon re-wrote the procedures that he was going to perform on me and handed me the papers. I signed them and he left to schedule the surgery. I was approved under the condition that I would accept intensive after surgery counseling and complete at least 3 months of psychotherapy as condition for acceptance to hormone therapy. After the psychotherapy sessions, the doctors will give me the necessary papers where I can change my name and other legal documents to reflect my new identity and gender. They will issue me a new birth certificate showing me to be female, which will permit obtaining new driver's license and other necessary documents. I'll also need some Electrolysis to remove my now unwanted facial hair. When I was a kid, I always hated my very light facial growth and wished that I could grow a beard. Or even a mustache. But now, I'm glad that it was light. I'll only have to have some electrolysis around my ears and jawline to remove some of the darker hair and some strands from over my upper lip. It had been two days since the accident. Accident hell! Since Harve tried to murder me. Playing a joke is one thing but what he did, was intentionally rob me of my potential title and the money that it would have brought me. As a result of what he did to me, I was damaged so that I could never be restored to my former self or live the life that I had chosen for myself. Harve did this to me. He wouldn't leave me alone. When I get out of here, I'm going to teach a lesson. That is, if I don't kill him first. As I think about the different ways to get my revenge upon Harve, I decide that I don't want to kill him. I want to find a way to inflict pain upon him and to let him live to experience the pain that he deserves. As I think about the many different ways to hurt him, I think of one solution that might work. I write out some authorizations to a real estate broker friend back home to sell my father's little ranch for me and request the hospital Notary Public to notarize my signature. I'll need some money to pay for what the insurance will not cover and to help me change my lifestyle. ****** I'm in intense pain. It has been a week since the accident and four days since the reconstructive surgery. My body has surgical bandages all over it from mid-thigh to the top of my head. My chest is swollen and extremely tight from the breast implants. As part of the pre-surgical process, he showed me several different silicone sacs and pictures of what the finished breast would look like. I accepted his recommendation on the type and style of implant but requested one size bigger than he recommended. I don't want to go through this surgery twice and feel that I'll need more than a A cup size. So an incision was made under each of my nipples into the chest wall and a silicone sac was positioned in my chest to give me larger B cup breasts, that should increase to a C cup after a couple of months of hormone treatments. The bull's horn had created an opening in my groin area that was a large cavity that stretched from my normal anus opening to two inches above where my penis used to be. It was through this opening, that they worked on my hips, did the vaginal creation, and then sewed me back up so that there was some separation between the vagina and anus. This is where I hurt the most. I can't move without positioning my inflatable rubber invalid ring under my butt. I can't move without feeling pain. Twice a day, the doctor removes the bandages and changes the gauze in the vagina form. The form is a device designed to keep the newly created vaginal passage open during the period following surgery. My new vagina is currently packed with gauze which the doctor has to keep changing. After a week of healing, the gauze will not be needed, and I can get by with only the vaginal form in place for most of each day. Then I'll graduate to inserting the form several times a day for one or two hours at a time for the next several months or so. During that time, I also have to lubricate and stretch the vaginal passage several times daily to ensure that it maintains the correct shape until I've healed completely. The doctor advised me that I'm going to become quite familiar with thin Maxi Pads and panty liners after surgery. I'll have to wear the thin Maxis for about 4 weeks after surgery, before I switch to panty liners. I've got to change the pad after each dilation and Betadine cleansing. Because of the type of surgery, I've got to disinfect the surgical and anal area after every bowel movement. Although I'm in pain, the doctor has been forcing me to learn how to dilate myself and how to properly apply the vaginal moisturizing jelly. I've listened to the doctor's speech about how to apply the lubricant to the dilator and then inserting it until I've memorized every step of the time consuming, uncomfortable, and sometimes painful process. If I don't dilate properly and reach full vaginal depth, my vagina will heal so that it is not the adequate depth and width that will be needed for sexual intercourse. I lie down on the bed, place a small pillow under my hips, waterproof pads on the bed and get as comfortable as possible. I relax my groin muscles and insert a little lubricant using an applicator into the vagina before inserting the dilator into my vaginal opening. I've got to insert it and move at the correct angles to avoid damaging the still sensitive and weak vaginal wall. After I get it under the pubic bone, I rotate it while applying gentle pressure to ease the dilator further into my new opening. When it becomes difficult to rotate because of the pressure, I continue the rotation and withdraw the dilator slightly to re- lube the dilator nose. I continue rotating and slowly inserting the dilator, until I reach the full vaginal depth where I rotate more to stretch the tissues. I've got to place several waterproof pads under me while dilating. After dilating, I gently rub Vitamin E on my surgical areas to help heal and reduce the scar tissue formation. If I wasn't hurting so much in my pelvic area, my face would be bothering me. It is also bandaged and very swollen. To minimize visible scar tissue, they operated from inside my mouth. Incisions were cut between my lips and gumline, allowing room to insert silicone cheekbone implants; and to rebuild and re-shape my nose and jawbone. My Adam's Apple was also shaved. I still can't talk and my mouth is full of surgical gauze also. I feel that I'm tied to the bed with all of these different tubes flowing into my body to remove urine, or to provide nourishment. ******* It's been two weeks since the surgery and the doctor discharged me from the hospital. I was kept in the hospital for a longer period because of the nature of my injuries and the necessity to allow my hip to heal as much as possible before any weight was placed on I. I haven't healed completely yet and still have to see the doctor on a daily basis, but can go home to heal. I don't want to go to my real home so I check into a local motel, where I spend my days walking around the motel room, trying to regain some of my energy and movement. Most bandages have been removed from my face but my face is still swollen and discolored. The inside of my mouth where the incisions were made, are healed where I can eat soft food now. I can talk now, but only limited speech is permitted. My chest is very tight. I'm wearing a support bra and have to apply lotion frequently to my new breasts and to the rest of my exposed body, to help reduce the swelling as the skin stretches to this new shape. I can walk around slowly but it is very uncomfortable. My thighs and hips are covered with dressings still. I can't sit down without my rubber ring between me and whatever I'm sitting on. I've got a lot of bruising and discoloration around the surgical area. There are some small bruises on my thighs and buttocks, but the most extensive bruising is from the navel down to my new vagina. The doctor expects my thigh bruises to fade within ten days but the rest will remain for several weeks. I also have some swelling of the entire surgical site, which is not too comfortable. Because of the swelling, I'm not able to urinate in a normal stream. When I sit down on the commode to pee, which was a very big cultural change for me, I spray pee everywhere, including all over myself. It is very messy and requires a very through cleaning. The doctor told me that his problem will cease once the swelling subsides. I also see small amounts of blood and plasma on my pads, which the doctor told me to expect. I've got to examine my pads for signs of infection and frequently find some dead tissue that my body has sloughed off. Seems that my body determines that some skin tissues aren't needed in it's new position and sloughs it off. I sleep a lot, which the doctor says is natural as my body diverts my energy to it's healing process. The doctor says it will take about another four weeks of this before I'll be completely back to normal and able to start my new life. The pain is less severe when I'm lying down; and changing position from lying down to standing up causes a sharp increase in pain in the surgical area. I feel frequent "electrical shocks" in the surgical area, which are caused by the regrowth of the nerves in the area. The doctor warned me about this. I know that they are harmless and should decrease over several weeks. But the weirdest feeling is the phantom pain and itches. The surgical movement of tissue with its associated nerve endings makes me feel an itch on my now non-existent penis, instead of where the tissue is now deep inside me. I find myself reaching for the spot but can't scratch it because it doesn't exist anymore. Mrs. Crilla lent me several books on female anatomy and feminine viewpoints. When I see her everyday for my counseling session, she gives me a pop quiz about my new body and how to care for it. Prior to my surgery, I only knew the real names for the vagina and clitoris. Now, I can describe the vagina and know how to spell urethra. I always thought that it was just a straight tube into a woman's body and was surprised to discover that it was an elongated S shape. As I heal, I've got to learn how to start controlling the muscles of the vagina, so that I'm able to expand them during sex. I've got very standard looking female external sexual anatomy consisting of the labia majora which enclose the external genitals, labia minora which are the two smaller skin inner lips and a clitoris. My clitoris was made from the remains of my penis, so it has some erectile tissue, where it can fill with blood and become firm when sexually stimulated. Or so the doctor states. He won't give me the chance to experiment with it yet. It is hid under another fold of skin called the clitoral hood. I don't have either a male or female reproductive system so I'll never be able to parent a child. Because my body does not naturally produce the quantity of female hormones that I'll need to maintain a feminine appearance, I'll have to take carefully determined hormone treatments for the rest of my life. Most of her books are on the feminine psychology. During one of our early sessions, she told me "My theory of learning how to become a woman is based upon the general concepts of Alcott." "Louisa May Alcott wrote Little Women. How does that apply to me?" "No, silly. Amos Bronson Alcott in the middle 1800's was an American educator and transcendentalist philosopher who maintained that learning should be based on pleasure and imagination instead of discipline. If you enjoy what you're doing, you will learn faster and it becomes easier to make it a part of your new personality. So we will try to make this as pleasurable as possible for you, but you've got to use your imagination to help me." I thought a lot about what she stated to me next. She exclaimed "You will discover that you will enjoy your new sexual identity more once you learn that there is a difference between ambisexual and bisexual. Most transsexuals either want to become a Lesbian or have the normal female/male relationship. The third difference is Ambisexual. It means that you're sexually attracted to either sex indiscriminately; or suited to either sex. Compare that to the more commonly used word, bisexual which means relating to both sexes; having both male and female reproductive organs as in hermaphroditic; or having a sexual orientation to persons of either sex. In other words, learn to enjoy having sex with either men or women. It will double your chances of getting laid when you walk into a bar." Everyday, I get up, do my prescribed limited exercises, dilate myself, clean myself up, and then go to the hospital to visit Mrs. Crilla. I wear a large comfortable baggy dress because of the bandages and pads that I still have on my body. Everything that I've done since the surgery, has to be done as a female would do it. She calls me Jackie, and discusses me using female pronouns. The first time that we were having a session in her office, she told me to go to the bathroom and made me go into the Women's bathroom. During our session, she talks to me about self-image and asks how do I see myself now. She tells me that I'm an individual with a need to experience the full human experience. She tells me that everyone has a masculine and feminine side of their personality; and she wants to help me bring out my feminine personality. When I heal a little more and can fully assume an externally female role, I must be prepared to present that personality and to accept the conditions that society places on a woman. She tells me to learn to be at peace with my new self. To listen to my body. She tells me that because of my small body frame, youth, and the surgeon's skill, that I'll present the exterior image of a woman. But I must learn to project the interior image of a woman and blend with the exterior image. I must look, act and think as if I've always been female. She tells me that I must learn how to select the correct makeup for my skin tones, how to apply the makeup and how to apply the makeup correctly for the clothes and event. When my faces heals a little more, she will schedule me for classes with experts to teach me about proper makeup procedures. She talks to me about my hair. We sit and look through different magazines as she explains what she is seeing and what I've got to learn to see. My hair is short, but we experiment with it. She gives me a barrette and has me brush my hair different ways. She shows me pictures of men and women wearing women clothes. Some of the pictures are difficult to determine whether it is a man or a woman wearing the female clothes because of the makeup, clothes and their posture. Others are easy to determine because of their very obvious unflattering appearance. I've got to learn the names of the different clothes. Capuchin chador, chuddar, chemisette, faille, and farthingale were just some of the cultural clothes that I had to learn about. She showed me movies of different men and women's gestures and body language. She stops the movie and has me comment on the way that people are moving, standing and gesturing. She goes through motions and I must determine if it is a natural feminine motion or an exaggerated motion. I've got to learn to move my new body like a woman. I've got to watch the way women walk, sit, rise from a seated position, eat, stand, and gesture. Learning to walk was difficult because I discovered that as a man, I would walk by starting to fall over and moving my feet underneath to give support before I finish falling. Women use a balanced movement from the hips and let the rest of the body come along. She showed me pictures of me during our first session, where I was sitting in a chair, with my legs spread and taking up the whole chair. She had me sit in the same chair, with good posture, my knees together, and arms close in to my body; while she took another picture. Then she showed me the difference in the two pictures. We went through my old photo albums and she immediately noticed that I've got a deep tan in every picture. She fussed at me for all of the skin damage that I allowed myself to suffer. She tells me that with my light eyes, new face, that I would look beautiful as a blonde. But I must have light skin and stay away from suntans. When we first started our treatments, I was forbidden to say anything because my larynx hadn't healed enough yet. And I wasn't making any facial movements because of my facial surgery. As part of my counseling, she had me listen to several tapes to determine how to project femininity with just a voice. My voice, when I could speak again, would be different from what it used to be, because of the damage. I would have a pitch within the accepted range, but I must learn different speaking patterns to complete the vocal transformation. I must learn how to annunicate some words differently, must change my vocabulary to a female vocabulary and must expand the dynamic range of my voice. Additionally, I must learn how to express the correct facial expressions and body language to support my speech patterns. When you watch video comparisons of men and women speaking, it is quite easy to see that women are more expressive in their delivery, while men are flat and very monotone. She tells me that I must expand my living skills to learn about fashion, cooking, and taking care of kids. I must be able to talk with normal women about jewelry or cooking chicken. Chapter 5 - High Heels The cab pulls out of the traffic lane and over to the curb. The driver gets out, adjusts his cap, walks around to the passenger door and opens the door. He stands where he knows will be the best position for watching his passenger exit his cab. Slowly, a pair of long, shapely legs rotate out of the back seat floorboard and a pair of three inch high heels gently touch the ground. Then the legs tense, the knee-high skirt parts slightly, revealing just a shimmer of white at the apex of the pantyhose legs, and the rest of the body lifts itself to a standing-up position outside the cab. As she stands, she adjusts the skirt from where it had ridden up her legs during the cab ride, to a more appropriate fit around her thin waist and hips. The blonde-haired young woman is wearing a loose fitting white silk blouse, with an open vee to reveal just a hint of the cleavage; and a dark skirt. Her short blonde hair has just the right amount of tousled curl to show off the highlights. Around her neck is a slender gold necklace that matches the gold earrings on her ears. She reaches into her purse and removes a folded bill, which she holds out to the driver. Her hand has a gold bracelet dangling from the wrist and two rings on her fingers. The bill is held by long, slim fingers with long fingernails that are neatly manicured and freshly polished with bright red polish. She flashes a gleaming smile at the driver and says in a very soft, sultry voice "Thank you for the ride. I enjoyed talking with you. Your mother's recipe for potato salad sounds delicious and I must try it sometime. The next time that I need a cab, I'll ask for you." She turns and walks toward the mall entrance, putting her purse strap on her shoulder. The driver watches the fluid movements of her hips from the back and her sexy walk into the mall. Although he has another call waiting, he is no hurry yet. He is waiting for her to get to the heavy mall entrance door. He watches as she presses on the door and it doesn't budge. She presses harder and he watches as her tight-skirted ass tenses up from the push. He has a big grin on his face, thinking about what he would like to do to her, if he was only twenty years younger. Under his breath, he mutters "Damn right I would." She walks slowly through the mall, listening to the sound of her high heels clicking on the hard tile floor, pausing occasionally to look into a store window. A blouse on a mannequin catches her attention and she enters the shop to touch the blouse and feel the material. A sales clerk approaches her and the woman politely turns the clerk back. She is only looking. She picks up a scarf and places it on the mannequin, looking at how the scarf complements the blouse. She exits the shop and continues down the mall. She stops at a small mall vendor wagon to sample a perfume on her wrist and to smell it. The clerk is a young attractive Asian woman wearing a long tunic that is slit on the sides and over loose trousers. The blonde smiles at her as she says "I wish that I had a body that could wear the type of clothing that you've got on. Don't you call it an Ao Dai?" The clerk gives a shy smile as she replies "Yes. My husband insists that I wear the traditional dress of Vietnamese women. But I would trade bodies and clothes with you anytime." The blonde smiles as she looks at the watch on her wrist and tells the clerk that she will be back later. She walks down the mall center strip, knowing that she is being observed by several men, sitting on the common seats, while their wives shop. She can feel them as they stare at her; their eyes following her every moment, knowing that they are mentally undressing her as she walks. She ignores them as if she is not aware of them or their very noticeable actions because she is used to men staring at her beautiful face and shapely young body. She proceeds through the shopping area as if she is the only person in the whole mall, obvious to their various apparent observations. She enters a restaurant and hands the maitre d a business card. He looks at it, and bows as he accepts the card. He smiles and leads the way to a reserved table for two with a view of the small lake outside the restaurant. She waits while he adjusts the table and pulls out a chair for her. She sits down, smoothing her skirt as he adjusts the chair closer to the table for her. A waiter appears with a winelist. The waiter stands close to the table and slightly on his tiptoes so that he can look down her cleavage as she looks at the winelist. She looks up at him, smiles a movie star type smile and says softly "Chardonnay, please." He turns and goes back to the kitchen. She opens her purse and removes a pack of cigarettes and a small mirror. She opens the mirror, looks at her face and removes a tube of lipstick from the purse. She opens the tube, purses her lips and touches her lipstick up. She puts the tube and lipstick back into her purse. She slowly removes the cellophane with her long fingernails and opens the pack. When the pack is open, a man from a nearby table is standing there with his cigarette lighter ready. She looks up at him, smiles at him, and puts the cigarette in her mouth and lets him light it for her. After he lights it, she places the cigarette in the ashtray and repays the man's service with a smile as she quietly says "Thank you very much. I keep forgetting to put matches in my purse." He smiles back and replies "I would be lost without my lighter. Are you dining alone?" "No, I'm meeting my best friend for lunch today." "Oh. May I recommend the Chef Salad. This restaurant is my favorite because of their Salad. I come here twice a week. Have you been here before?" "No, this is my first time here. I've been in town for two months and just started getting out the last couple of weeks." "The Chateau Rosealon is famous for their food. If you don't have any plans for tonight, I would be delighted to treat you to dinner there and to show you some of the nicer places of my wonderful city." "Thank you, but I already have plans for tonight and will be going back home soon." "If you change your mind, here is my business card and it has my private number on it. Feel free to call me if you change your mind. I would be honored to escort you to dinner some evening." "Thank you." she uttered as another woman is escorted to the table by the maitre'd. The man looks at the new woman, gives her a polite smile, and walks back to his table. The new woman sits down and hides a grin on her face as she says "You reject them too fast. I would reel that one back in and see if that bulge in his suit trousers was for real. I keep telling you that I would like to have second chance at some of your rejects, Jackie." I picked my cigarette back up and took another draw before putting it back into the ashtray. Mrs. Crilla lit her own cigarette and I noticed that no one came over to offer her a light. The waiter brought my wine and she ordered her drink. Then she asked " I was in one of the shops and saw you sample the perfume. As you walked down the aisle, you walked as if you had been walking in high heels all of your life. How did everything else go today?" "Good. I went shopping and tried on several outfits. I purchased a couple of the outfits. I also bought me some new bras and matching panties. The older ones are getting tight as my breasts fill out more. Then I went to a photographic studio and had some pictures made. The photographer tried to hit on me by suggesting that he could help me get some modeling work. I think that I'm doing good to have been a man only two months ago." "Yes, you are. You've got the beautiful face of an angel, the sexy body of a vixen, the wonderful smile of a Hollywood movie star, and the pleasant personality of a very natural and happy woman. Based upon your laboratory tests and full examination yesterday by our team, I'm happy to inform you that we will certify that you've completed the major part of your treatment early and can start living the female life that you desire. This means that you can start having sex, only you should not have any rough sex for three or four more months. Just keep it to the normal slam-blam- thank you type of sex and you will be all right. It also means that you can get a new legal name change and birth certificate to prove that you're this new person. You will have to check back in with us every month for six months and then once every six months for two years so we can evaluate your progress. What are you going to do with your new life, now that you don't have to hang around our clinic anymore?" I picked up my wine glass, held it out so that we could clink glasses in celebration of my advancement, and then took a little sip of the wine. I would have preferred a beer but knew that beer wasn't appropriate for me now. Ladies always practice moderation, when they are drinking. As I sat my glass down, I stared at the lipstick that I left on the rim and quietly declared "Think I'll look up some old school chums and see how much they have changed since I last saw them." Chapter 6 - Completing my education The next four months were just as busy as the first two months. My father's ranch was discovered to have some unknown hidden resources by my friend. They discovered oil during the survey. I sold it for fifty times what my father thought it was worth. I also get a bonus of seventy-five thousand dollars a year for the rest of my life. With the sale of the ranch, I can now live any type of life that I desire. I bought a lot of new clothes and jewelry. After all, if my plan is going to work, I've got to look the part. I also started experimenting with sex. Two weeks after Mrs. Crilla gave her permission for me to start having sex, I let a young doctor pick me up. He didn't know my medical history and thought that I was a medical student doing some intern work. We didn't talk much about medical work the first night because we were too busy screwing each other. ****** I let him pick me up at my apartment. I had to get a place to stay because the motel was costing too much. After dinner, he asked me if I wanted to go to a nice quite little bar that he knew. All through dinner, I knew what I wanted to do and had to do sooner or later. Not so much with him, but just to have a first time for myself. He was as good as anyone to start with. I went to the bathroom and used an applicator to place some vagina jelly inside me so that I would be ready later. I knew that some transsexuals are able to produce their own lubrication but some can't. I had to find out about myself. I told him to take me to his place. When we got to his place, I asked him to fix me a drink. He started opening the wine bottle and I commanded "No, make it a double bourbon and coke." While he fixed the drinks, I lit a cigarette and stood looking out the window at the cars parked on the street. I felt him walk up behind me and hand the drink to me. As I took a swig of the liquor, letting it's warmth flow through my body, he put his arms around my hips and blended his body to my shape. I continued to stare out the window, a drink in one hand and a cigarette in the other. I felt his hand trace my body's outline as he moved his hand slowly up my body, down my arm and to my fingers. He took the cigarette from my limp fingers and put it out in an ashtray. Then his fingers slowly flowed back up my arm and around to my open vee of my blouse. I didn't move as his fingers unbuttoned the top two buttons of my blouse. His fingers found their way into my bra and started squeezing my left breast. I finished the rest of my bourbon and put the glass down on the table. I felt a wonderful warmth flow through my body and I turned around so that I was facing him. His hands dropped to my ass. We kissed and I almost jumped when I felt the roughness of his face from where he shaved everyday. Was my face ever that rough on a woman's more tender skin? I let his tongue enter my mouth and I responded with my own tongue. As we kissed, he pulled my blouse loose from where it had been tucked into my skirt and down my back. I dropped my arms so it could fall off. Without pausing, his hands moved to my bra and unsnapped the hooks. As my bra loosened, his hands moved to my breasts and started cupping and squeezing them. With my hands, I unbuttoned his shirt and ran my hands over his smooth soft flesh. He was taller than me, and was bending over to maintain the kiss. But at the same time, he was contorting his body so that he was rubbing his erection against me. I realized that I was enjoying this. That I was also getting turned on. That I wanted to have sex with him. I was still confused but no longer holding back on participating. I remembered my discussions with Mrs. Crilla on what to expect and what I should do. I slowly, provocatively opened my legs into a wide V so that he could press his leg between mine. I felt his fingers fumbling with my skirt. I found his belt and had his trousers undone before he got my skirt loose. We separated our lips only long enough to get rid of all of our clothes. I was standing there naked, in the window of his apartment, with him running his hands all over my body. He reached for my hand and gently led me to the carpet in front of the couch. He laid down on the couch and let me stand in front of him. I knew that he wanted me to blow him and I whispered "Not on the first date. We have to save something for the next time.". I watched his eyes as he hungrily eyed me, knowing that he was very pleased with the way I looked. A young, very pretty blonde woman, with a very sexy perfectly proportioned body, with a nice set of boobs that was his for the taking. I postured myself so he could see what I had to offer. I moved slowly so that my tits traced invisible circles in the air just inches from his face. I pointed the slightly perky tips at this mouth and pulled back as his mouth started opening. Anticipation must be taught to him. I turned my back to him as I ran my hands slowly down the smooth expanse of naked flesh to where it flared to broad, womanly hips and a very provocative ass. I knew it was the best ass that he had ever seen unless he was a proctologist. I continued running my hands down my legs and thighs, showing him how shapely, trim, and long they were. When I slowly turned back around, I looked down at his seven inch long erection and knew he was pleased with what I had to offer him tonight. I laid on the couch beside him and felt his tongue dart into my mouth. I used my tongue to stroke and lightly glide over his as we laid naked on the couch. Remembering Mrs. Crilla's advice, I reached down and gripped his firm cock. I began massaging his balls, tweaking and delicately pinching his scrotum, gently running my fingers through his pubic hair. As I breathed heavily in his ear, knowing that my hot breath was exciting him, I whispered, "Just lay back and enjoy letting me explore you and make love to you." Before he could say anything, my tongues flicked in and out of his ear as my wet, warm tongue caused him to groan. I gently nibbled his earlobe as I continued my manual stroking of his penis, remembering what this used to do to me when I had a cock. He reached out and squeezed both of my breasts. As he slowly rhythmically squeezed them, I jumped as I felt a warm wonderful flush of pleasure hit my body. My nipples seemed to expand and grow as he played with them. His gentle squeezing quickly turned the tiny reddish-brown nubbins into hard, blood-filled little nipples. He pulled me to him and began suckling at my boobs. This excited me immensely. I could have let him do that all night long, but knew that there were other things that I also wanted to experience. He tongued my nipples and pushed them around in small circles with his lips and tongue. I heard myself moan once and knew that I had to regain a little control. I pulled myself loose from his mouth and with a little pressure, had him lying on his back. I straddled his waist as I put a leg on each side of his body. I rose up slightly, spread my trimmed cunt lips and rubbed his hard erection against my brand new clitoris. The wonderful feeling as his glans touched my outer labia caused me to shudder. I looked into his eyes as I guided his red, swollen cock slowly into my wet and hungry pussy. I slowly lowered my body over his, feeling the wonderful feeling as a real cock squeezed inside me. If a dilator felt this good, I would dilate ten times a day. I used my cuntal muscles and could feel them squeeze down on his entrapped, quivering cock. Then I slowly rose up, letting his cock fuck me. He couldn't keep from twitching and wiggling his hips under me once I started this. I wanted him to lie there and let me fuck myself on his impaling cock. But after only three very slow and wonderful slow strokes of his cock using only my vagina walls to touch him, he couldn't take anymore. His hips started rising to meet mine. As I used my thigh muscles to slowly go up and down, he was using his body to pump me faster. His motion was very addicting and I began humping his cock faster and faster as my passions mounted. I looked in the mirror and saw him clutching my tits and squeezing the nipples while I was screwing myself on his thrusting cock. Then it hit me. A wonderful warm flame roared through my mind pushing all thoughts from my mind, except to pull that wonderful cock further inside me. As I experienced my first climax, I could feel my cunt convulsing and grabbing wildly at his cock in a tight grip. Every nerve in my body was on fire. Pleasure flew through my tissues as I exploded. I fell over on him and wanted to die in peace, but he wasn't ready yet. I was so weak that I couldn't move but he was moving me. His cock was still pounding away inside me and I felt my body responding to that pounding. Within seconds, I was back up and riding him faster and harder, letting his cock pound deep inside me. I screamed. Not with pain, but with pleasure. Pleasure that I had never experienced before. I pumped his cock fast, hoping that this night would never end. Then I felt his stop and every muscle tense in his body. For what seemed like thirty seconds, we paused. Then he shuddered and I felt his cock pumping it's warm fluid deep into my hungering cunt. I felt my brain explode again as new pleasure flowed through my body and I collapsed on him as my body also experienced another wonderful climax. We laid there on his couch. I could feel his semi-hard cock inside me and could feel his warm juices draining from my body onto his body. I could feel his warm and sweaty body under my equally sweaty body.. I felt his limp penis wetly slide from within me. As it shrunk, I wondered if it would make a little pop sound as it came out. I changed position slightly so that I was lying curled up in his arms and looking at his once mighty cock, now covered with my cunt juice and his own cum. I smiled. I was no longer a virgin. He lit a cigarette and we laid there on his couch, while we smoked it. Then we went to his bedroom. ****** Per my previous promise to Mrs. Crilla, I went straight to her the next day and discussed what I did, what it felt like, and what I thought. She listened to me discuss what sex was like as a woman and only had one comment "Come back and see me after you've given some man a blow job." Two days later, I was back in her office. Different guy but I was more sexually liberated with this man. At first I laid on my back and let him pound me. But after he had filled me with cum and we were both lying there feeling that warm glow, I watched his cock resting on his body and wanted to taste it. I surprised myself when I bent over and wrapped my lips around it. Mrs. Crilla asked the same questions and I had to remember the different positions, describe how I felt and what I did. She finished up the session by commenting "Come back and see me after you fall in love." I lasted almost three weeks before I knocked on her door again. Kevin was the sixth man that I had made love to. I spent three nights in his bed and it was no longer screwing or fucking. It was making love. I could only think about how nice it was to lay beside him in bed and to feel his warm, thick cock inside my vagina. Mrs. Crilla asked the same questions and I had to remember the different positions, describe how I felt and what I did. She finished up th