The Coyote Essays Female Nature
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Growing up in a small town in upstate New York had its perks. People said ‘Good morning’ or ‘Hello’ when you were walking down the street and neighbors would check on you and visit if you were sick. They’d even bring meals, take care of your kids, and clean the house.
That’s country folks for you. So, who in their right mind would want to leave all that behind?
Well, me… Least I thought
Growing up in Williamstown, I hated being so far away from everything and being snowed in for much of the year. Admittedly, a child had woods to explore, streams to swim in, snowmobile rides and races, and maybe the occasional school dance.
Yet, if you grew up like me on the poor side of a small town, there wasn't money for new clothes or gas to make the forty-five-minute drive to school, let alone the return trip. Most kids didn’t get to go unless they could borrow clothes and someone else’s parent drove.
By the time I turned sixteen, things were really hard at home. My dad couldn’t get a job and he did odds and ends to get money to feed mom, my two brothers, and myself.
Then I heard that an elderly lady in town needed help. Mrs. Grace’s husband had died and she wanted someone to launder, clean, and cook. She wasn’t sick or infirm — at eighty years old she actually got around really well — but she was lonely and wanted company. The proposal was that I would live with her but spend every other weekend with my parents. The pay was decent, my parents liked her, and so I moved in to begin a life as a carer while still at school.
It was all very nice — but not what I wanted out of life. In fact, because I had grandparents in Norfolk, Virginia, I hatched a plan to move there when I reached eighteen. It meant I would have somewhere to stay until I got on my own two feet. My parents were against me leaving but I would be of age and certainly ready to go and never come back to this godforsaken place.
My birthday was in January but it was April before snow cleared and I was able to get on a bus. Three days later, my grandparents met me at the station and, after settling in, I started looking for real work.
I was used to working for Mrs. Grace but full-time employment, a proper job, would be different. And I had to adjust to city living. People were so different. Talk about distant… I mean, you’d have thought saying ‘Hello’ was a crime. And did they think a smile would break their face?
When I secured a job at McDonald's, I was excited. I finally earned enough money to get the things I needed, to stop looking like a country bumpkin. Yet, even with money and new clothes, I had a hard time adjusting. I even began to doubt if this was what I really wanted but my grandparents kept telling me to give it a chance. Give it time. So I did.
As I became more familiar with my job, I also made some friends. Of course, things were still very different: things happened much faster.
I met Glen a few weeks after starting at McDonald’s. I hadn’t had a steady boyfriend back home but Glen was a nice guy. Working with him meant we were together a lot and we quickly became an item. He knew I was used to a much slower pace of life and I thought he was a real gentleman.
Glen worked at McDonald’s simply to put himself through college. His ambition was to be a lawyer and when he got a foot on the ladder as an associate at a large law firm, things were really looking up for him.
We’d been going together for quite a time when we visited one of our favorite places. Taking a blanket from his car, we walked down to the beach to watch the waves rolling in. The sunset was beautiful and the moon appeared as a giant balloon in the sky.
Other people were also enjoying the view but, as we lay on the blanket talking, cuddling and kissing, we were in our own world and I lost track of everything and everyone around us. Then, I realized we were alone.
On many occasions, we’d spoken about me still being a virgin and, as we got lost in this romantic setting, our kissing turned into heavy petting. Glen’s fingers trembled on my bra-covered breasts until, for the first time, he eased his hands under my blouse and unhooked my bra. I looked into his deep brown eyes and we lay motionless for an age while I wondered about taking this big step. I decided I was ready — it was time to lose my virginity. I wasn’t waiting for marriage, just the right guy.
Glen didn’t have to say anything, I knew what he wanted. But he was waiting for me. He was that kind of guy.
As we gazed at each other, our eyes told all, no words needed. Pulling him to me, we kissed long and more passionately than I ever dreamed possible. But I didn’t want to stop. Not ever.
Suddenly, a hand was on my bare breast and fingers teased my nipple. It felt so good. Glen moved his hand slowly across my chest to the other nipple and, as we continued kissing, the warmth of his moans filled my mouth.
I never imagined this would feel so good. Glen cast aside my T-shirt and bra and, as he fondled my breast, I quickly removed his shirt, wanting his naked chest on mine. I’d never known anything like this. Why had I waited so long? I felt his groin press against me as he teased my nipples between thumb and forefinger, pulling, twisting, until I groaned. The sting made my pussy tingle and I was aware of seeping juices wetting my panties. I wanted Glen’s hands down there, then his cock — everything that I’d waited so long to experience.
Quickly my pants were unzipped, pushed down and off my feet. I lay on the blanket as naked as the day I was born, feeling the salty breeze wafting across my hot flesh. I was in awe of what was happening. Glen stroked my body, gazing into my eyes as he slid a hand between my thighs and eased them apart. He was going to claim his bounty and I was a willing vessel, waiting and wanting to be boarded.
Feeling his fingers in the crease between a thigh and my hairless mound, I sucked in a deep breath. He continued slowly, fingers stroking over my fleshy bump and down to the other thigh. I looked into his eyes and saw experience: he knew exactly what he was doing to me. I trembled, needing him so badly, and he smoothly inserted a finger into my very tight virgin pussy. It was then that I understood the kind of pleasure he could provide.
He probed in and out and I raised my hips to meet him as my juices soaked his fingers. I wanted to come… no, I needed to come.
“Not yet, my darling,” he whispered. “I want you to experience much more.”
Glen carried on finger-fucking my very needy pussy and rubbed a thumb over my tiny nub, sending me into ecstasy. “Glen, I’m gonna… yes, yes… here it comes.”
At that moment, Glen covered me with his body, holding me tight and rubbing my clit as my orgasm coursed through me. Then he whispered in my ear, ”Are you sure this is what you want? Once we do this, you’ll never be a virgin again. You need to be sure. I don’t want to do this if you aren’t ready.”
“Yes, Glen, I’m sure and I’m ready.” I smiled at him. “I’ve been waiting for the right man, not marriage. I know I’ve found him in you. Please, take me, take my virginity.”
Glen hovered above me, his hard cock nudging at my opening. Gradually, he pushed until he met resistance, a tiny but important barrier. He adjusted, holding me tighter, before drawing back — and thrusting hard.
I gasped as he tore through my last defense, penetrating me until he was buried deep inside where nobody had ever been. The burning sensation lasted only moments before I felt pure, unknown delight. His cock was so large in me but I wrapped my legs around him, pulling him deep inside, and bucked my hips to meet his thrusts. In a short time, not long at all, Glen tensed and I felt him spurting, flooding my willing cunt.
He rolled off, panting, but he still held me in his strong arms. We’d experienced something beautiful and I would remember it as one of the best things that ever happened in my life.
“Thank you for making my first time so wonderful,” I said, kissing his cheek.
“I will never forget this night, Chloe. Thank you.”
We lay in each other’s arms, looking up at the night sky, savoring our amazing experience under the twinkling stars.
~~~~~
Around a year later, Glen took me out for dinner and dancing. As we danced to our favorite song, it seemed everyone knew it was “our tune” because I noticed them stepping away, leaving the floor clear. In an instant, Glen was on one knee and holding my hand.
“Chloe, from the day I met you, through all the amazing things we’ve shared, including that special wonderful night on the beach, I’ve loved you more every day.” He paused and inhaled deeply. ”I would be honored if you’d be my wife. Please, share your life with me and let’s raise beautiful children together.”
I had no words. My cheeks were wet and all I could do was kneel in front of him, blink away the tears, and stare into his intense deep brown eyes. “Yes, my love,” I eventually managed. “I’ll be honored to be your wife and raise a bunch of children with you.”
We kissed for some time before I realized we had a crowd watching and clapping. Glen slid the most gorgeous engagement ring onto my finger. Gosh, how I love this man.
In a daze, I walked with Glen back to our table but we didn’t stay, quickly paying our bill and heading home. All we wanted was to make passionate love in celebration of this incredible night.
I think I remained in that daze for the next week or so as we discussed possible dates for our wedding, how many kids we’d have, and the type of house we should buy to accommodate our projected family. I was truly caught up in a romantic whirlwind, the stuff of dreams.
And then I woke up.
During all this excitement, all the love we shared, something had been bothering me, nagging at the back of my mind, telling me it wasn’t right. And when the penny dropped, I was frightened and unsure how to bring it up, how and when to tell Glen. I thought about letting it slide, saying nothing. But I knew I couldn’t and shouldn’t do that. It wouldn’t work.
The stark truth was that I wanted to move back home.
I liked where we lived but I’d come to recognize that it wasn’t my idea of home. I wanted our children to grow up like I did — in the slow-moving country, in God’s amazing masterpiece. I didn’t want them caught up in the hustle and bustle of a hectic city, living a life where people didn’t know their neighbors or ever get to experience snowmobiling or running in the woods.
This difference between big city living and country life wasn’t a topic I’d really discussed with Glen. Yes, I’d told him I loved the peace and pace of country life but that was about all I’d said. Right now, though, I didn't think I could be totally happy in the city. Especially not when raising a young family.
I knew one thing for certain: I had to discuss this with Glen before we got any further with marriage plans. It wasn’t right to keep him in the dark.
~~~~~
When we sat down for dinner, I told Glen there was something I had to tell him. I guess my expression and tone of voice indicated that it was serious.
Setting his fork down, he said, “Okay, darling, tell me.”
“Glen, I’m not sure how to do this.” I took a small sip of water, trying to compose myself as he stared at me. “Truthfully, I should probably have mentioned this several months ago, perhaps right back when we started serious dating. But things moved so fast, it just never seemed like the right time. Sorry, I believe that’s been a big mistake on my part.“
I took another deep breath. God, this is difficult. I ran a finger around the rim of my water glass.
“Carry on, Chloe, tell me,” he said, reaching for my hand. “You're trembling. There’s nothing that can be that bad, darling. What is it?”
Here goes…
“Well, you know I’ve spoken a few times about my home in Williamstown, the beautiful countryside, all the amazing things my brothers and I did as children. Yes, we had hard times… but, Glen, it’s a perfect place for children to grow up. Neighbors speak to each other, help one another. It’s nothing like here —“
“Chloe,” Glen cut in, “are you saying you want to move back to the country? Leave Norfolk and everything we know here, our life, our jobs? Chloe, tell me that isn’t what you’re saying. Please, Chloe.”
“Sorry, Glen,” I said quickly, “yes, I am. I would love for us to marry and then move back. That’s my home and it’s been my intention to return. I’m so sorry. I should have mentioned this long ago but everything has happened so fast. That’s another reason I don’t care for the city. Everything’s all too quick.“
I sniffled as tears filled my eyes and Glen leaned back in his chair.
“Please, Glen, tell me we can do this. I can’t imagine never going back home and I just don’t want to raise our children here, not at this pace of so-called life. At eighteen, I thought I wanted to live in a city but, after moving here, I soon found out it really isn’t where I want to live the rest of my life.”
Glen shook his head. “Chloe, my firm is here, everything I know is here. Do you realize what you’re asking?”
“I do Glen, I do.”
“How can you ask this of me? I would give you my life but how will we survive in a small country town that has nothing? How Chloe? Here is my life and it’s where we met.” He again shook his head. “I’ve worked hard to get where I am. I really don’t know if I can or even want to give that up.”
“I understand, Glen. But I don’t think I could ever be happy here. I’ve stayed this long because of you. I guess I was secretly hoping that, in time, maybe you would want to move. Please, at least let’s go for a vacation and see what you think.”
“Vacation? That’s not true life. Sorry, Chloe, I don’t want to move to the country. I like our life as it is.”
Glen suddenly stood, walked away from the table and put on his jacket. He paused to look at me — then carried on out of the door.
I didn’t know what to think. What would happen now? If I continued with this, it seemed I would lose Glen. Yet, if I didn't move back home, I would surely suffocate here.
~~~~~
What I hadn’t told Glen was that some time back, my parents had inherited their cabin. They’d lived there so long, when the owner passed away they discovered he’d left it to them, free and clear. In turn, when my parents suddenly became seriously ill and died within days of each other, I found that they’d put it in my name. It seemed my brothers had no interest in ever returning to Williamstown and I made an arrangement with a neighbor to look after the property for me.
I wanted Glen to see this place on the river; it was a piece of heaven. How could he not want to live there? I reasoned he could set up his own law firm and make a decent living. Maybe not the riches of the big city, but who cares as long as you’re happy? But he wasn’t interested.
Actually, I saw very little of Glen. When we did meet, we didn’t get any closer to an agreement and, sadly, it seemed all my dreams were doomed. Days became weeks and they turned into months… until we broke off the engagement.
Since I no longer had him in my life, there was no reason to stay. I’d saved money, bought a small car — and living expenses would be minimal back at the cabin. Plus, the owner of a small convenience store had always told me I had a job if I ever went back. Well, now was as good a time as ever.
I told my caretaker neighbor that I was coming home.
~~~~~
When I arrived at the cabin, neighbors came to welcome me home and help unload my car and the small trailer. My place was set up nicely and spotlessly clean. Yes, this was a difference between living in the country and the city.
That first night, I lit the fire pit and sat looking at the meadow and the creek, listening to the wildlife. What a beautiful sound. As the months went by, I settled in and started my job at the store, earning enough to take care of my needs and be comfortable.
One summer Sunday morning, I was sitting on the dock by the stream playing my flute. It had been years since I played and the peace it brought me cannot be explained. Hearing a rustling behind me, I turned and was shocked to see Glen.
“I can’t do it, Chloe… I just can’t live without you,” he said and offered a nervous smile. I felt a couple of tears rolling down my cheeks.
“I actually came here to beg you to come home,” he continued in a low tone. “That’s what I intended until I drove into your little country town and up here to your cabin. Watching you sitting here and listening to you play, how could I not fall in love with this place? I love you, Chloe. I’m here if you will have me. I know I was wrong not to even visit this place and now I can see why you love it so much. Will you have me back?”
I opened my arms. ”Of course, my darling, of course I will. I love you, Glen, always have. I’ve never stopped loving you.”
Makenna
- 14.09.2021
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