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Mommy By Maggie Finson October 31, 1997, is a date that I'll never forget. My life changed drastically that day, though at the time, I really had no idea of just how drastically. But then, it didn't even start out like a normal day as they ran back then, so I suppose the rest of that day's events shouldn't have surprised me all that much. "Hold still and quit squirming so much," Lisa, my wife, five feet six inches of lovely brunette with a temper and mouth more appropriate for a redhead, ordered me. "Or I'll mess up your eyes and have to start all over again, honey." I did as she told me, wondering for about the hundredth time since the previous evening, why I'd ever agreed to the costume Lisa, and her friend Nadine, who worked at the same small restaurant where I was a bookkeeper and she was a waitress, had been urging me to wear for weeks. Ever since the owner and working boss, Eileen Bradley had come up with the idea that on Halloween, all the staff should show up for work in some kind of costume. "I'll bet you're the cutest waitress there today," Lisa grinned as she finished coating my eyelids with plum colored eye shadow. "And your hair is going to look terrific, Jackie." "I'll just be happy to get the curlers out of it," was my somewhat terse response to Lisa's feminization of my name from Jack to Jaqueline, or Jackie for short. At least we weren't fighting, which had been a pretty common thing since I'd lost the high paying job we'd moved across three states for me to take, and had to take the first thing that came up. Which was being a book keeper, and glorified gofer at Eileen's Place, the restaurant I currently worked at. The pay was lousy, the hours long, but I needed the job. worse, Lisa had been job hunting as well. I asked her about one in particular that she seemed excited about "How is that prospect you mentioned for a job going?" "Oh, I should know something about that by today sometime," Lisa frowned. Her own inability to hold a job thanks to her temper and intemperate mouth was one sore point among many that I seldom brought up any longer. "I'll be leaving Caroline and Katherine with Jenny next door today, so if you get home before I do, that's where the brats will be." "All right," I responded without dinging her for calling the children brats and sighing, as much in relief as frustration as she began removing the tiny curlers I'd worn since early last night. Caroline, two years old, and Katherine, aged one, were sore points two and three with my wife. She didn't care for being a mother at all and blamed me for the pregnancies, which had resulted in our daughters. I decided to slide out from under that argument, instead questioning her over the time the interview would take. "Do you really think you'll be that late?" "The interview is clear across town," she pointed out, beginning to brush out my hair with a little more force than I thought was absolutely necessary. As I winced, she chuckled. "Now you're getting an idea of what I go through when you want me to look nice, dearie." "Yeah, I know," I grumbled, closing my eyes as she used some of her hair spray more liberally on me than I thought she did with her own hair. After some more fluffing and teasing, with several pauses for critical looks and readjustments that only seemed to move small parts of my new hairstyle, I told her again. "I still think we could afford for you to drive me to work this morning instead of my taking the bus in this getup." "You're the one who's always harping about economizing," Lisa reminded me with a smug grin. "It's my day for the shopping, and I'll need the car to get to the interview this afternoon, anyway. You always take the bus on Wednesdays. What's the big deal?" "I don't normally go stand at the bus stop wearing a waitress' uniform, or with curled hair and wearing makeup," I pointed out, not mentioning the jewelry I had on. I gave the perfume I just about reeked of already another cautious sniff before deciding that must maybe it wasn't quite as strong smelling as I had originally thought. "It's going to be a real long bus ride this morning." "Oh, don't be such a baby," she chided, gesturing for me to stand up. "Girls ride the bus every day and nothing happens to them." "That's the operative word here," I countered. "Girl. something I'm not, but will be wearing female clothing anyway. I'm liable to get myself beat up if I'm not careful." "So I guess you'd better be really careful, hadn't you?" She answered with a giggle. I knew she was having her petty revenge for us having to sell the second car she had used before I lost my job as shipping comptroller for the manufacturing plant I'd worked at. "Just use that sweet girl voice you've been practicing all week and no one will even notice. You look so presentable that I'd have trouble telling that you aren't the real thing if I hadn't helped get you ready. Now let's get you into your uniform, Jackie dear." "I can hardly wait," My response wasn't all that enthused, as I recalled the padded girdle, panties, sheer panty hose over my smooth shaven legs, and most embarrassing of all, the startlingly realistic falsies Lisa had devised by filling some clear, heavy balloons with water, clear gelatin, and some of her makeup to give them an appropriately fleshy color. Inside the lacy white bra, they bobbed, jiggled, and swayed every time I so much as twitched. The white, knee length slip I'd pulled on over all that before Lisa had started working on my makeup and hair had almost seemed like a relief as it hugged my suddenly shapely form and helped hold those heavily bouncy globes nestled in the C sized cups of the bra tighter to my body. The dress itself was yellow nylon with a white Peter Pan collar, elbow length sleeves with turned back white cuffs, and a prettily flowing knee length skirt. At least I'd always thought it was pretty until I had to wear the one of the things. It was Nadine's, who I'd always thought had a great figure. The way I filled the dress out with the padding and all, I had a pretty fair idea that I'd come across just as nicely shaped as my coworker was. Which didn't make me feel much better about anything. Nadine was always getting hit on at work. Oh, well, at least she hadn't given me the pink one. Then there was the snowy white, ruffled, bib apron. Its straps went over my shoulders, then crossed just below the shoulder blades before joining with the back, which tied in a large bow at the small of my back. The thing covered almost all the dress in front except for about two inches of skirt, and went around to let just a sliver of yellow peek through from behind. Enough that the bow its strings were tied into contrasted nicely. I noted that one of the two large pockets at just below hip level and set slightly to the front of my hips held an order pad and pen. After that, the stiffly standing little cap, more a strip of yellow fabric edged with white lace, was pinned snugly to my honey blonde hair, courtesy of a bottle of hair dye that had been applied to my usual sandy blonde shoulder length mane, and that was about it. "Here's your name tag, Jackie," Lisa was actually smirking as she pinned the heart shaped, lace edged black badge to the apron just above my left "breast" It announced cheerfully in bright gold cursive letters that my name was Jackie. And that I was very happy to serve you. It had belonged to another girl who had worked at Eileen's before I'd started, but she had left it behind when she quit. So of course, Nadine had seized upon the similarities of name and included the badge with the rest of my costume she had put together. With a faux pearl choker, a pair of matching clip on, white earrings that actually looked pierced, a matching bead bracelet on my right wrist and a pink faced ladies watch on a narrow white leather band, I was pretty well done up. Especially with the long, bright red fingernails Lisa had glued over my own after doing my hair the previous evening. A pair of white, soft soled, women's loafers finished my outfit, and the glimpse I got of my legs as I slipped those shoes on made me shudder. In the nylons, my calves and ankles appeared as sleekly, smoothly feminine as any real girl's could. "I always thought you had great legs," Lisa admired the finished product of her work and Nadine's closet with a broad grin on her fine featured face. "The rest of you turned out just as good, too. Why don't you have a look, Jackie." "Oh, no," I shook my head in denial once I'd turned to face the full length mirror mounted on the bedroom wall. "No way am I going anywhere looking like this." I was looking at some complete stranger, a female stranger, and one that looked damned good too. With her honey blonde hair in tight, bouncy little curls parted at the left with side swept, curly bangs teasing her right eye. Which was large, soft, slightly almond shaped, rimmed with thickly curling lashes, and a glorious blue, just the other one. Lisa had taken my fine-featured oval face and transformed it into something like what you would see smiling from the cover of a women's fashion magazine. Large eyed, with a small delicately sculpted nose, soft rounded cheeks glowing with blush, a full red mouth, rounded jaw line and chin, she was beautiful. Only she was me, who was a guy, and father of two children. A father of two with boldly firm 34C breasts, high narrow waist, and softly curving, inviting 36 inch hips and bottom, standing at five feet four inches tall -- my height and slight build had been something I had fought misconceptions over for years -- and so sexy even in her waitress uniform that I nearly fell in love with her on sight. Only like I said, it was me. "Don't be silly, Jackie," Lisa purred from behind me, reaching forward to fluff the curly mass of hair around my ears with a wide grin on her face. "You're absolutely scrumptious, darling. You'll be a big hit today at the restaurant." "That's what I'm worried about," I muttered, staring at the girl in the mirror in reluctant awe. Wearing a pearl choker that graced her slender neck and smooth throat, the white globes of pearls at her ear lobes, and dress/apron combination my padded out female shape appeared even more feminine. I had no doubts about her claim at all. "Which is why I don't even want to leave the house in this getup. I'd get mauled at the bus stop." "Now you're being silly and stubborn," Lisa pouted. "After all the work I went to so you'd look great today, you want to take everything off and ruin the whole thing." Sensing another fight in the making, I drew in a breath and gave her a smile. "Okay hon, you win. I'll go as is, and thank you for all the help." "Since you're so worried about the guys hitting on you," Lisa Gave me a look that plainly told me she thought it was more than a remote possibility, she removed her own wedding and engagement bands, then worked them onto the third finger of my left hand with a smirk, "You can wear these to put them off. Show that you're already taken. "You'll be wonderful," she assured me, then glanced at the clock. "But if you don't hurry, you won't have to wait on the bus because you're going to miss it." "Oh, oh," I nodded, you're right on that one." With a knee length women's coat, of bright blue cloth, and light brown shoulder bag filled with "necessities" Lisa had loaded it with, and my own ID and money in a long ladies wallet, I hesitantly left the small house we rented and made my nervous way to the bus stop in little fits and starts. I was overly conscious of the skirt swirling around my mostly bare legs, which were cold in the late October morning air, and the swaying of the "breasts" that even went so far as to jiggle quite fetchingly as I had to run the last ten yards or so to catch the bus before it pulled away from the corner. I knew my presentation, bright cheeked with embarrassment as well as cold and sudden exertion, along with the already mentioned jiggles, had been considered very interesting by more than several young, and not so young men already seated on the bus. Fumbling with the unfamiliar impediment of a purse instead of easily reachable pockets, I had to pull a plastic wrapped item completely out to get at the wallet and my change. Once I'd dropped the fare into the collection box, what I held in the hand that hadn't been handling change caused me to blush furiously. It was brightly wrapped, and very obvious maxi pad. The bus driver, an attractive woman in her early thirties, offered me a commiserating smile but said nothing. The shared "woman to woman intimacy seemed to say it all anyway. Still blushing, which made me even prettier, I could see in the windows I passed, I made my way back to find a seat. To discover all of them were filled. "Here, honey," a middle-aged man gallantly stood to offer his seat to me. "You can have this one, I"m getting off after a few stops, anyway." My smile was interrupted my a tiny gasp as one of his hands quite deliberately brushed against my chest and the other managed to collide with my fanny as the bus began moving. He'd copped a feel, and patted my bottom all in one smoothly executed maneuver, and gave me an innocent smile after he had! Far too mortified, and stunned for even a mild protest, I lowered my eyes to my lap, where my purse was resting, and blushed again. By the time I gathered enough nerve to look back up so I could give the guy a piece of my mind, he was gone. Feeling as if every eye, male at least, was on my backside as I got off and began walking the half block from the bus stop to Eileen's, I startled myself with the feminine gait and posture I caught sight of me using in a reflection in a store's plate glass window. Not only was the young woman I was pretending to be lovely, she had unconscious moves absolutely guaranteed to draw a man's eye. I know they were unconscious, because even dressed that way, I'd have never walked with that sway of hips and bottom, or erect carriage, with chin up and hands clutching the shoulder bag purposefully. "Jackie!" Nadine, wearing an ankle length costume meant to be Cleopatra, met me in front of the door, having been approaching from the other direction where her car was parked, exclaimed as she recognized who I was. "Oh, my god, you're gorgeous! "And move as if you'd been that way all your life," she finished with a grin. "Bet you had an interesting ride to work on the bus." "Oh, yes," I nodded, blushing all over again at the memory of being groped as I sat down. "I'd suppose some people might call it that." Eileen was behind the counter as we walked in and glanced up briefly before doing a double take that would have done justice to an old time slapstick comedy. "Jack? Is that you?" "Much as I hate to admit the fact," I answered with a lopsided grimace. "It is." "You look great!" My boss enthusiastically walked around me, checking everything out from several angles, grinned as she saw my name badge, then waved in the direction of the back room where the time clock was. "Go clock in girls, then come on back out and get set up for your shift." Nadine and I walked past her, and I felt her eyes on my back, or backside, as we both entered the hallway leading back towards the employee lounge area and time clock. Since business was generally very light early in the morning, Eileen had been running the counter, as usual, and the only other people in the place were Christine the cook, and her daughter Melanie, who washed dishes and did odds and ends around the restaurant. "Who's the new girl, Nadine?" Christine called as we passed the kitchen, and Melanie looked up from the counter she was cleaning when her mother asked. "This is Jackie," Nadine leered at me, then chuckled. "It's Jack, all done up for our Halloween celebration." "No kidding?" Christine, exempt from the costume requirement because of her job, gave me a long, very interested looking over before pursing her lips and letting out a low whistle. "Jackie honey, you're going to make a lot in tips if you keep wagging your tail like that." "Very funny," I answered the middle-aged woman, then shrugged, which set up vibrations I'd rather not have through my falsified bosom. Which set Christine into gales of laughter as she waved me on. "Hey, you're really cute, Jackie!" Melanie, a thinner, younger version of her still pretty mother called after me. "Got a great ass there, honey!" "God," I muttered with another blush. "Am I going to be going through this all day?" "Probably so, Jackie," Nadine giggled as she clocked in. "Lisa really did a job on you for this, didn't she? You look like a real live girl, here. Is that your own hair?" "Yeah," Clocking in myself, I nodded then gave the mass of tight, bouncy curls a rueful pat. "Reminds me of that old cartoon character you see off and on these days," still grinning, Nadine tilted her head to give me another long looking over. "You know, Betty Boop?" "Great," sighing as I headed for the office area where I expected to spend at least half the day, I grimaced at her laughter. "Now I look like some black and white cartoon character. On top of being prime pick up material." "You sure are that last one," Nadine chuckled, giving my bottom a light pat before stopping to listen to something Eileen was calling from the front. "Come on, honey, Eilleen wants you up front for something." "Take the counter, Jackie," my boss grinned at me and waved to the area she usually took care of, though I had done it off and on when things were really busy or I was caught up with the bookkeeping. "You just look way too good to be hiding in back today, honey." "Okay," doubtfully eyeing the long, polished tile of the counter top, I moved to a spot behind it with a drawn out sigh. "I should have known this would happen." "You look the part, honey," Eileen chuckled, giving my shoulder a pat. "Just remember to smile at the customers, and I'll bet you make a killing on tips today." "You're the second person to tell me that already," shaking my head, I moved to get menus for a couple of businessmen who'd come in for breakfast before their offices opened up. "Coffee, guys?" Both nodded with wide grins, not because they knew I was a guy dressed as a waitress, but for the very pretty young thing waiting on them. I'd seen a lot of our customers give Nadine that same kind of smile, and felt my skin begin itching as they continued ogling me while I poured their coffee and handed them menus." "What?" One of them asked with a raised eyebrow. "Eileen let you get away without wearing a costume today?" "Give her a break," Eileen interrupted before I could tell the guys I was in costume. "Jackie just started this morning. She didn't really know about the costume thing, and it wouldn't have been fair expecting her to come up with something on such short notice." All I could do over that, and her use of the feminine gender to describe me, was close my eyes, and hope the day went by very quickly. It was fairly clear that until someone penetrated my disguise, I was going to be a she, and the new girl in the place. The guys chose to interpret my embarrassment as being because I wasn't in costume when everyone else was. Eileen herself was dressed as a male chef, so without anyone knowing that I really was a guy myself, I did look a little out of synch. But that didn't stop the way their eyes appreciatively ran up and down my tricked out figure for the entire time they were there. I got a five-dollar tip out of each one, too. "We want you to come back, Jackie," one of them winked at me as he paid his bill after I'd found their gratuities and showed my surprise. "It's about time Nadine had some competition around here." I got through the first part of the morning without once being tagged as a guy in a dress, which was really kind of demoralizing, but also a little thrilling. After all, I was pulling off a really great costume, and no one who didn't work there could even tell. Also, the tips were better than pretty good. I'd made over fifty dollars by the time I got a break for a quick bite of lunch before the lunch rush got into full swing. * * * "Jackie." Behind the counter again, Eileen waved out at the crowd of lunch goers, Halloween was a pretty well known tradition at her place and people would come in just to see her staff's costumes as much as to eat on that day. "Take tables five through twelve." "But I've never waited tables before in my life, Eileen," I protested. "So get started," my boss waved at the floor. "Then you can say you have. We're really busy today, so get cracking, girl." "Whatever you say," I began moving out from behind the counter, but added. "I'm a bookkeeper, not a waitress." "Today you're a waitress, Jackie." Eileen chuckled as she looked me over for about the thousandth time that day. "You sure are dressed for the part. Now get moving, honey. You'll do fine." Funny thing, except for the fast pace, the job didn't seem to be all that hard to me. I remembered who ordered what, which table got which batch of orders without even looking at the tickets, kept my customers reasonably happy, especially the men, and found myself actually enjoying the pace. "You've got a real flair for this kind of work, Jackie," Nadine complimented me during a short lull as we both took advantage of the quiet to set up silverware while having a badly needed cool drink. "And it looks like you're enjoying yourself, too." "Guess I am," shrugging, I gave my skirt a little flip with one hand while taking a sip of my coke. "Sitting in that back office all day staring at figures gets kind of boring off and on. This is a real change for me. "And not just because of the clothes," I hastily added at her smirk. "I never really got much of a chance to even see the customers before except for the odd time when I ran the counter for Eileen. It's been educational." "Not to mention lucrative," Nadine chuckled while casting an almost envious glance at my tip jar. "You've been doing really well with your tips today. Maybe you ought to consider a change of career. You're better at this work than a lot of girls who have been at it for years." "Not with the change of lifestyles, and clothes it would involve," I laughed at the idea, then shook my head. "I'm a guy, Nadine, even if I don't look much like one just now." "Haven't noticed you going out of your way to tell any of the customers you've been waiting on today," she grinned half nastily. "Though that would severely disappoint a lot of hopeful fellas who've been going gaga over our new girl, wouldn't it?" "I just kind of went into autopilot after the first pair of customers, and having Eileen call me a her," I grimaced. "Telling anyone the truth just hasn't come up, and every time I do start either you, Eileen, or one of the other girls tells the questioning party that she's on her first day, so don't tease the poor girl. What am I supposed to do?" "Go on being a good sport, I guess," Nadine laughed at my pained expression. "Leta and Carrie are having as much fun watching you as the customers are watching the rest of us. You've been really great about it so far, honey." "How many offers for dates you got by now, Jackie?" As if conjured by her name, Leta Prescott, a bouncy blonde a bit on the far side of plump questioned me with an almost lewd wink. "Not counting outright propositions?" Nadine added to my growing embarrassment by putting in innocently. "I would have slapped a couple of those guys silly for suggesting to me what they did to Jackie here." "So how many?" Leta repeated with an insistent grin. "I haven't been keeping track," was my quietly mumbled answer, which was pretty truthful. After about ten, I'd given up counting, and as for some of the ruder suggestions, only my lengthened fingernails and the way I was dressed had kept me from belting several people that day. "That many?" Leta giggled. "Did you take any of them up on their offers?" "Huh, uhh!" I shook my head vehemently, much to the pair's great amusement. "You're doing swell, honey," Leta gave my arm a light, encouraging pat. "Hang in there, and I promise that we'll only be teasing you until next Halloween." "You have no idea," I grumbled good-naturedly. "of how much better that makes me feel, Leta." "Oh, oh, another rush coming," Leta adjusted her witch's hat and hefted her broom, readying to go cackle at some more customers. "We'd better get ourselves out there to handle 'em." When closing time finally arrived, around six P.M., I was really feeling as if I'd run about a hundred miles, we'd been so busy. As I was clocking out, and gathering up my coat and bag, Nadine waltzed up to the time clock wearing a broad grin. "Need a ride home, or do you want to vamp somebody on the bus tonight?" "I'll take the ride," I responded with a tired grin. "Quite happily, and even put some gas in your car for the trouble." "Guess you can afford it after today, huh?" She chuckled, then gave the wad of bills I stuffed into my purse a disbelieving look. "If I could pull in tips like that, guy or not, I'd lobby with Eileen to keep me on as one of her permanent waitresses." "God," I moaned with a put-on horrified expression, "Don't say that too loud. You might give the boss ideas that I wouldn't be able to deliver on." "You did just fine today," Nadine grinned back, then put on her own coat. "How about stopping off somewhere for quick, after work drink? Kind of a farewell to Jackie thing?" Maybe one," I answered, looking at the clock. I was getting off several hours earlier than usual since Eileen was handling the receipts for the day and had told me I'd worked hard enough for one person in ten hours. "Then I really should get home so I can get out of these things and back to normal." "Okay, Great!" Nadine enthusiastically called out to Leta and Carrie, who had come as a very sexy female vampire. "Jackie's going to come along too! Let's go party for a while!" Eileen waved cheerfully as we left in a group, but I could see her watching me with an odd, speculative look on her face as we went out the door she locked behind us. * * * Two hours later, the light alcoholic euphoria I'd been under evaporated as I stared in shock at the inside of our house. Then re- read the note that had been under the telephone. Which was sitting on the floor because the stand it had been on was gone. Along with the rest of our living room furniture. 'Dear Jackie,' I've had enough. There wasn't really a job interview today, I was moving. Don't try to find me, I don't want anything else from you. I've left the kid's things, and a few clothes for you to use. Also the vacuum cleaner and kitchen stuff. Since you used it all more than I ever did, I thought it was a fair split. You can keep the stuff we had in the spare bedroom, too. I don't really need it. Good luck with the girls, but you always were more of a mother to them than I ever wanted to be. I'll be in touch sometime. Goodbye. The kitchen table and chairs, along with all our pots, pans, utensils, dishes, and tableware were still there. And true to her word, Lisa had left the furniture she had owned when we got married. A feminine four poster bed with canopy, vanity and bench, with several chests of drawers. All enameled in a shiny cream toned finish bordered with a floral applique. All our other stuff, furniture wise, was gone, along with the television, VCR, stereo, and dining room set. In our emptied out bedroom I found myself almost sick at what I found. The vindictive bitch had even taken all my clothes, up to and including my underwear. There was a stack of panties, bras, and other lingerie, along with several nightgowns and robes on the bed, with another note attached to the top of one pile of panties with a straight pin. I was going to leave you with nothing at all, but then got to thinking about how cute you were this morning all done up like a working waitress. Anyway, since you're such a great substitute Mommy for the girls, I thought you could wear these things. There's a few little outfits in the closet that you can have, too. She had left pants, but only the ones with a back or side fastening, and the tops were all very feminine in cut and color. Then, adding insult to injury, all of her maternity clothes were carefully arranged on hangers, along with a few of her other skirts, and several dresses. She had left me about half of her shoes, too. Numbly, I returned to the kitchen to sit down and try to think of what I was going to do. Our savings account book and check book were also gone, so I was pretty sure she'd emptied those out. I had nothing left that had been mine. Caroline and Kathy's things were all there, though, which reminded me belatedly that the girls were still at our neighbor Jennifer Collins' place. Dazed, and still in my waitress uniform and woman's coat, I made my way over to at least retrieve my children. The children my wife didn't care enough about to stay with. "Yes?" Jennifer, abut Lisa's age, and pretty in a dark haired, slender fashion answered the door as if I was some stranger, then widened her blue eyes once she finally recognized me. "Jack? What are you doing dressed that way? "Oh, it's Halloween," she chuckled, waving me inside. "You didn't wear that getup to work today did you?" "Yes," my reply was more than a little dispirited, and I accepted the help she offered with my coat then seated myself on one of her living room chairs. "I've been wearing them all day long." "Well, I'm surprised you didn't just have Lisa come over for the kids. I thought she was home earlier, but when she didn't come for the little ones, I figured she was just stopping in for something she'd forgotten." "Oh, she grabbed a few things, all right," I answered with a rising note of anger, and hurt in my voice, then launched into what I had found at the house. "You poor thing," Jennifer commiserated, then widened her eyes as all of what I'd told her sunk in. "She didn't even leave you any of your own clothes?" "Not a stitch," I nodded miserably, then almost moaned. "Now what am I going to do? Nothing's open that I could get to by bus, and I'm afraid I'll need what money I've got for the rent and kid's things over the next week or so." "I don't know," Jennifer gave me a worried look, then sighed herself. "I guess you could go to welfare or something. There's missions in town that have clothes and stuff you could probably get." "Yeah, but I have to work tomorrow," I answered. "Now there's no way I can afford not to, but all I've got to wear are the things that bitch left behind as some kind of nasty joke." "I guess you'll have to go with that until after work tomorrow," my neighbor shrugged. "Surely there's something in all that you could wear without looking too feminine." "I don't think so," was my answer, then I swallowed and began to stand up. "But I'd better get the girls and have another look once I get them settled for the night. You've had them long enough today as it is." "That's okay," she told me with a little smile. "They're sweet kids and you have enough to worry about just now. Why don't you let me make some coffee, and then I'll come over with you to see if we can't find something you can get by with tomorrow, at least." * * * "Wow," Jennifer shook her head as she went through the clothing Lisa had left behind. "She really did leave you kind of stuck here, didn't she?" "That's what I told you," She must be having a real good laugh over this wherever she's hiding right now, I thought to myself then spat out. "The bitch!" "Well, I suppose you could always wear what you've got on," she suggested, then held up her hands as I gave her an outraged look. "Sorry, I was joking, Jack. But you do look really fantastic in that getup." "I've been hearing that all day long," was my weary response as I twitched at the apron of the uniform I was still wearing what with all that had happened since my return home. Just trying to lighten things up a little," Jennifer replied quietly, and a little contritely. "I'm sorry, really." "That's okay," I sighed, then offered her a tired little smile that must have come across as much more feminine that I'd planned from the way she reacted. "You've been great this evening, Jen, I mean it. I'm just a little distracted right now, and stunned." "I'll bet," she returned, setting out a meager selection of things I might have been able to get away with wearing. "These pants, these tops, with one of the jackets, might get you by for a day or so without having everyone who sees you laughing at the guy in women's clothes. Sorry, these are about the best of a bad lot, far as you're concerned." "Yeah, thanks," I looked the things over and began trying to see how any combination of the feminine garments might manage to come across as at least halfway masculine. "I'll figure out which before I get to bed tonight, I suppose. "Now, how about me making some coffee?" There's nothing else to be done here for the time being, and I'd really appreciate the company if you don't mind sticking around for a while. Lisa did leave all the kitchen stuff." "Okay," she nodded, then gave my still femininely attired form a halfway amused look. If you'd like to change, I'll make the coffee." "Why bother?" I asked with a bitter little chuckle while taking the apron off, at least. "All I'd have to put on is more stuff an awful lot like what I'm wearing now. I'll get out of these later, when I get ready for my shower, and all that." "Suit yourself," she answered with an oddly different note to her voice, then became her usual brisk self. "So let's go see what's left in the kitchen. I know a light snack always helps me think when things aren't going so well. Couldn't hurt to try it now." We talked quietly over coffee and a frozen coffee cake I'd put into the oven, and by the time we noticed what time it was, another hour had passed. Jennifer volunteered to watch the girls the next day, which was another one off for her, and left with an encouraging little smile. "It'll be okay, Jack. You'll see. Things are going to work out just fine." "I hope so," was all I could come up with in reply, then turned away to once again survey the emptied out expanse of the living room. No way I could afford to replace all of it on the salary I was currently earning. It was just about all I could do to pay the rent, utilities, buy food, and things for the girls. Back in the kitchen, cleaning up after her visit, it suddenly occurred to me that Jennifer had been talking to me, with me, as if I were a wife who had been left by her husband instead of the other way around. Then again, the way I was still dressed, and had been fussing over the little girls, that was a mistake that could have been quite easy to make without even considering that it was being made. Just to cap off a perfect day, the curl did not come out of my hair when I washed it. Neither did the color, and I couldn't find anything to get the false fingernails off either. Plus, all the soaps and cleaning things left were femininely scented and left my smooth shaven skin silky soft and shining like satin. Adding a haircut to the list of things I"d need to have done, while clipping the nails at least short enough to be a man's, though they were still bright red since Hadn't found any polish remover either, I turned off the lights, passed through the empty bedroom I'd shared with my wife up until that night, and made my way to the spare room after checking on the girls. Overtly femme or not, at least there was a bed, with clean sheets and a comforter in there. I did draw the line at wearing one of the nighties though. The pair of panties I had pulled on after my shower was bad enough. * * * Next morning, wearing a pair of tan cotton pants, brown loafers that didn't appear too feminine, a white long sleeved blouse, tan double breasted jacket that could be fastened either man or woman style, and with a thick black silk scarf I'd managed to work into some semblance of a man's tie; I found another dilemma to face. Overly conscious of the panties, and thin nylon socks I was wearing, along with the cotton camisole top standing in for an undershirt, I realized that it was cold outside, and I needed to wear a coat. Which meant either the obviously feminine blue one I'd worn the previous day, or a lined, trench style raincoat. I opted for the raincoat, but the overall picture, especially with me carrying the previous day's uniform on a hanger and covered with a plastic garment bag was one of a skinny young woman. One who had pretty curled hair but was trying to get by without makeup and wearing mannish clothing. "Aw nuts," I grimaced at the reflection I caught in the mirror and shook my head. "If I didn't need the job so badly, especially now, I'd call in for the day. Well, I'll just have to hope for the best and take what comes." "She permed your hair?" Jennifer questioned incredulously when I dropped the girls next door, and glimpsed my still painted nails when I took off the pair of ladies gloves that had been inside the coat. "Would you like to borrow some polish remover?" "If you have any," I nodded with an unhappy grin. "But I'll have to take it to work with me, the bus is coming along pretty soon and I won't have time for anything but getting to the stop before it gets here." "Here you go," she gave me another wide-eyed look, then shook her head. "I hate to tell you, but you still look more like a Jill than a Jack." "It was Jackie, yesterday," I groused, accepting the small bottle of polish remover gratefully. "And I know, but there isn't much I can do about it right now. I need this job, and will be in a lot of trouble if I don't show up today because the boss heard me accept an invitation to go out for some drinks last night after work with the girls." "Well, good luck," she offered. "One look and just about anyone might decide you'd really tied one on, anyway. I hope things go okay for you today." * * * Carrying the uniform in the clear plastic bag, which was all I'd had to cover it, I was still treated pretty much as a girl on the bus, though without the obvious interest I'd gotten on the day before. The same bus driver gave me a raised eyebrow, then gave me a quick grin. "Hey honey, Halloween was yesterday. "You're a little butch today, aren't you?" She went on before I could come up with an excuse for my still feminine hair and clothing. Obviously, she still thought I was a young woman. "But that's okay, you're still a cute one, even in those mannish looking things." With my plucked eyebrows and almost beardless face, combined with the slightly too large clothes I was wearing because Lisa had actually been several inches taller than me, I couldn't bring myself to disabuse her of the idea. So I gave her a quiet smile in return and worked my way back to find a place to sit. That time, I politely declined an offer of a seat, worrying about how Eileen, Nadine, Leta, and all the others would take my appearance when they saw me. * * * "Well, well, Jackie," Nadine met me at the door again as we waited for Eileen to unlock the doors for us, and gave my still bouncy, permed hair and clothing a slow perusal with a slight curl of her lip. "You forgot to wear your bra, today." "It isn't what you think," I told her with a vague wave at myself. "My wife left me yesterday..." "I'm sorry to hear that," Nadine really seemed to be, though she had been more Lisa's friend than mine, as she interrupted with a slightly contemptuous smile. "But is that any reason for you to go out in public playing your little games?" "Huh?" I just stared at her about as intelligently as the answer to her last comment had come out. "Lisa has told me all about how you like to dress up and play "mommy" at home, Jackie dear," the woman chuckled, then shook her head. "We planned yesterday to see how you liked doing it in public for a change. Seemed to bring out the real you, didn't it?" "That isn't true, Nadine," I argued as Eileen opened the door after pausing to give me a halfway weary once over. "I can explain all this, really." "I for one," Eileen stood with hands on hips while looking me over from head to toe, as she locked the door behind us. "Am just dying to hear your story, Jaqueline, honey. It had better be good, too." "Why would I make up such a stupid story?" I questioned from my seat in Eileen's office after telling her the whole thing. "I swear that no matter what my wife told Nadine, I had never, never dressed like a woman until yesterday." "Huh!" Eileen leaned back in her chair and stared across the desk at me, then to the still packaged uniform draped across the chair over my lap. "You don't mind if I check this story out, then?" "Go ahead," was my quiet, but nearly desperate reply. I just couldn't have her, and everyone else in the place thinking I was some limp wristed little pansy who's wife had left him because of his fondness for playing the girl. "I'll get started on that stuff I didn't get to yesterday." "Already done," Eileen distractedly answered, then waved towards the front. "Go on and take over at the counter for a while. I'll get back to you pretty soon." "Like this? I spread my hands to indicate how I was dressed and currently looked. "Unless you'd rather put your uniform back on for it," Eileen countered with a nasty little grin. "Or lose your job entirely. I'm still the boss around here, you know. And expect my employees to work where I tell them they're needed. Now go on out front and relieve Nadine so she can watch the tables." "All right," I arose, leaving the now hateful uniform behind, but was stopped at the door by Eileen's terse order. "Put that in your locker for now," with another speculative look at me, and shake of her head, she waved at the bright yellow dress and white apron. "I'll let you know what to do with it later on." After doing that, with the outfit right next to the tan raincoat I'd worn, I stopped briefly to look at myself in the full length mirror set into the wall of the lounge area for female employees to check that everything was sitting properly before they went out front to wait on the customers. And decided that I should have risked getting fired and called in sick after all. There was absolutely nothing masculine about the outfit I was wearing, or the rest of my appearance. I did lack the visible curves I'd sported the day before but their absence only served to make me look more like a tall, skinny, pre-teen girl. The faked curves, I morosely thought, would have done very little to change how I was being perceived as things were going anyway. "Hey sweetie!" Christine called at me from the kitchen. "You're out of uniform this morning, aren't you?" "You're still way too cute for a guy!" Melanie called derisively right after her mother had finished. Both women were laughing as I made my shamefaced way to the front. "I'm supposed to watch the counter," I informed a coolly distant Nadine. "Until Eileen checks some things out, anyway." "Surprised you still have a job," she sniffed, "The way you're still done up. Or at least aren't wearing your pretty uniform to do this. "Here, let me help you a little with your look, sweetie," she offered with a wicked grin, unfastening Lisa's jacket, and quickly undoing all my careful work with the scarf. She then tied it in a large, feminine bow and refastened the jacket woman style. "There you go, honey. Would you like to borrow some makeup, since you seem to have forgotten your purse this morning?" My protests ignored, she very rapidly had bright red lipstick on my mouth, blush on my cheeks, and was applying eye shadow before I could voice a real objection. Holding my chin in one hand, Nadine turned my face first one direction, then the other with a short nod. "There you go, honey. Your eyeliner and lashes are still pretty good from yesterday. I didn't do much to resist her spraying perfume behind my ears or dabbing it at my wrists. I was far too humiliated by then to even find much in the way of a voice to protest. "Did you bring your titties and hips along, dear?" She questioned sweetly. "No," I whispered. "Those are still at home." "Oh, well," she answered with a small grin. "That outfit pretty well hides your lacks for now, and you can wear your figure again tomorrow, right?" "I don't think so," I started shaking my head in the negative but was stopped by her grasp on my chin tightening. "Right?" She repeated in an even toned voice I'd never heard her use before. "You'll wear your nice figure, and pretty uniform tomorrow, won't you, Jackie? I'm sure Eileen would be happy to have another waitress on the schedule, and you were so good at the job, it's a shame to let that wonderful talent go to waste." I didn't answer, only sighed, and pulled away to begin refilling the coffee dispenser. I hardly noticed when she put on her coat, gave me a last quick look then left with a small laugh. Two very miserable hours later, not one of the customers acted as if I were anything other than another one of the girls working there, Eileen called me back into her office. "Well," raising her eyebrows at my made up face and the bow still at my throat, along with the now quite visible feminine cut of both jacket and pants, she gestured for me to have a seat. "I've talked to several people who know you outside of work, and your neighbor Ferguson. She backs up your story, but says she tried talking you out of coming in like that today." "She did," I answered with a little relief that at least something was going right for a change. "But I didn't want to miss work, especially with the money situation I have now." "Commendable," Eileen nodded, then drew in a breath. "I can't give you any more money, Jack. And to be honest, there isn't anyone in town that would loan you anything just now either. So what are you going to do about all this?" "I don't have any other kind of clothes to wear," I frowned, then shrugged. "At least until I can get over to some mission or the Salvation Army and get something from them." "All right, Jack," Eileen gave me a thin smile that plainly said she really didn't believe that I wanted to do that. I didn't, but not for the reasons she and Nadine seemed to think I had. Taking charity was just something that grated on my nerves, and went against everything I'd been brought up to do. "Go back to work," with a sigh, she waved towards the front. "I'm sorry, but I still need for you to work the counter today. But please do something about the way you look within the next few days, will you?" "If you need a day off," she offered, "I could spare you tomorrow." "Thanks," I answered with a tired smile. "There are lots of things I should get done." "Why don't you go ahead and take the rest of today off, too?" She offered, then gave what I was wearing a frown as she changed her mind about my staying that day. "I hope you're able to get something done soon. If there's anything else I can do to help out just let me know and I'll see what I can do." "Okay," getting up, I headed for the door. "Thanks again, Eileen." Back in the employee lounge, Nadine was having a cup of coffee and obviously waiting for me, since she looked up with a sheepish smile. "Hey Jack, I'm sorry about earlier. I guess seeing you waltz up to the front door like you did kind of set me off. I always did have this little thing about guys getting dressed up as girls, and got carried away." "I'm not all that excited about it either," I accepted her apology, clocking out and gathering up my coat before dropping into a chair to pour myself a cup of coffee before leaving. "So I'm taking the rest of today and tomorrow off to get some things straightened out. At least as much as I can right away. This mess is going to take longer than a couple of days to fix." "I'll bet," with a tentative grin, she noted that I hadn't changed either the bow or the way my hand me down jacket was buttoned. "But you really do make a cute girl, even like you are now. How come you haven't changed your tie, or jacket already?" "To tell you the truth," reaching to flick the bow at my throat with a finger I gave a little embarrassed laugh. "I hadn't thought about it." "I'm off tomorrow, too," Nadine slowly reached the point of her waiting. "I could come over and take you around to some places if you needed it." "Thanks, Nadine," I answered, finishing my coffee and starting to get up. "If you can spare the time, that would be a lot of help." "Okay," she smiled, getting up herself. "See you around eight?" "That'll be fine," smiling back, I put on the trench coat, buttoned it up and belted it around my middle. "See you in the morning." I was already outside and headed for the bus stop before realizing I'd fastened and belted the coat woman style, and still hadn't taken the bow out of the scarf around my neck. For some reason not altogether clear to me, I didn't bother to do so then, either. * * * Things were worse than I'd first thought. Lisa had taken off right at the end of the month, and totally cleaned out our joint accounts when she did. Which meant that all the bills paid by check on the first of the month weren't going to get paid, and my rent check had bounced already according to the bank. The bank branch manager was sympathetic when hearing my story, or at least the part regarding my wife leaving, which I had told them over the telephone earlier that morning. She was very sorry, too, but couldn't do anything to help at all. The woman had even seemed a little amused and uncomfortable while talking with me. Uncomfortable, I thought because of the situation and my obvious problems; amused, I realized, because I had been sitting primly, femininely upright with my hands crossed in my lap all through our meeting, and still hadn't taken the blasted bow out of that scarf, or altered the female style buttoning of either the jacket or coat. And very belatedly realized as I caught sight of my reflection in the bank's glass doors, had left the light makeup Nadine had put on me earlier, and the bright red nail polish on my nails. With my curly hair I presented a very cute picture, and one that wasn't even close to boyish. "Wow, Jack, or maybe it is Jackie, today again," I muttered while heading for a mission store I knew was in the area. "I know that you have a lot of things on your mind, and are worried sick about all of them, but you've got to get it together here and quit wandering around looking like you really intend to be a pretty girl. "Next thing," I grumbled to myself outside of the mission store, "I'll probably do is find myself buying dresses or something really pretty and feminine instead of the men's clothes I really need." I didn't, thank goodness, but didn't have much luck the other way either. There was nothing much in my sizes, which were admittedly small for a man, and what there was in the place was far too ratty looking for me to even consider very seriously. I did find some nice things that would fit Caroline and Katherine at almost nonexistent prices, so picked those up. "Things are kind of picked over in the men's section," the clerk who rang up my few purchases apologized as she put them in a plastic grocery bag for me, then waved to another section of the store. "But you or your husband could come back in another couple of days and we'll probably have a lot of better stuff for him, honey," I was about to protest that I didn't have a husband, or even a wife any longer then gave that up as a lost cause when I glanced at the third finger of my left hand. I'd also failed to remove Lisa's wedding band and engagement rings, which she had laughingly had me put on the day before so "the men would know I was taken already". "Thanks," I answered quietly, wondering what had been getting into me over the past few days and promising myself a long, private self berating when I got home. I also smiled at the clerk, a young woman who appeared both overworked and willing to work even more if it would help someone out. "Maybe I'll do that." I ate a light lunch of salad that I mostly picked at because I had no real appetite, then just wandered around the area for another few minutes as I waited on the bus to arrive that would get me home. I had started getting used to having men look at me in the measuring way they had with women over the past few days, at least enough that I didn't shudder or need to quell the impulse to walk up and ask then to stop staring. It was even kind of nice in a strange way, getting that kind of attention, though I had no intention of doing anything at all to encourage any of it. But walking downtown that day I experienced another side of that same thing. An unpleasant side of it. Being alone, and walking never much bothered me when I was wearing my own clothes and doing it as Jack, even though I was small for a guy. That day, even without the padding I'd worn for my Halloween costume, everyone I encountered just took it for granted that I was a female, and a reasonably pretty one, too, from the ways I got looked at by passing strangers. Looks that I could mostly ignore, but some of them, openly speculative and considering, made my flesh crawl. It occurred to me that I was not strong enough to fight off even a medium sized male, or a smaller one determined to do something to me. The vulnerability I was feeling, the near fearful anticipation of a male hand reaching for my shoulder or some other part of my body and pulling me into some alley, was horrible. "Now," I muttered to myself while quickening my pace to get out of that rougher neighborhood and back to the bus stop where I might at least feel a little safer, "Get hold of yourself. I guess this is what women talk about all the time, not feeling entirely safe going out by themselves even in the daytime." It was another sobering experience added to all the others I'd gone through recently. By the time my bus arrived and I was safely aboard, I had almost become a nervous wreck with the worrying. I'd had enough doors held open and been "Ma'amed" or "Honeyed" enough that day, that I didn't turn down the offer of a seat on the crowded bus when another gallant gentleman made it. I truly needed to sit down just then. * * * "Do men always seem to be talking down to you?" I questioned Jennifer over a cup of coffee in her kitchen after arriving without further incident or mishap on the way. "I don't really pay much attention to it any longer," she shrugged, giving my still prettied up appearance an almost sympathetic look. "But I guess so. All those little endearments you get in stores or restaurants, the way they act so naturally superior without even being aware of it most of the time, does irritate me at the odd time. But it's just part of life we girls get used to early on because it's part of the culture we live in. My ex was really bad about it, he acted like I couldn't change so much as a burnt out light bulb without his supervision. "Now," she leaned forward to give me a close look. "'Do you want to tell me why you didn't take off the makeup and nail polish before you left work today?" "I don't know," was my very honest and puzzled answer. "I guess it just didn't seem to be worth the effort, with the way people had been reacting to me all morning before Nadine got hold of me. To tell the truth, buttoning up the jacket this way, the bow instead of a Windsor knot, and wearing the makeup really didn't make any difference with the way I got looked at or treated anyway, and I was worrying about everything. "Oh, damn!" I trailed off, realizing I had been running on, and leaned my head on my hands in frustrated misery. "I just don't know, Jen. It never once occurred to me, is all. Not until it was really way too late to do much about it, anyway." "You do seem to carry it off well," Jennifer agreed quietly, thoughtfully. "Quite naturally and unselfconsciously, in fact, I noticed that last night when I answered the door and didn't recognize you. I thought it was really some young woman at my door, Jack. Are you sure you've never done something like this before?" "Yes," even more miserable at her question, and the implications it held, I actually felt the hot wetness of tears in my eyes and fought to hold them in so I wouldn't embarrass myself any more. "I'm sure. A guy my size and build has to be really careful about things like that or people reach conclusions that aren't all that nice about him." "Well, you're sure acting like a distraught female," she calmly pointed out to me, then pressed me some more. "And you aren't sitting in that chair like a guy would either." "Maybe it's the clothes," I hopefully reached for some explanation. "They make me look more feminine, maybe people just take that and see what they want to." "People do see what they expect most of the time," Jennifer nodded, "But you're also acting in a way that encourages them to think that you're a female. Look at how you're sitting there with both hands wrapped around your cup, back straight, knees together, feet flat on the floor, and all that. It's a classic feminine posture for sitting, Jack, and you assumed it right away when you sat down." "I didn't notice," moving a little, and crossing my legs mannishly was more uncomfortable than I wanted to admit just then, but there was something niggling at the back of my mind over it. "My body just kind of went that way without conscious direction." "Well You're doing it again," she pointed out once I had uncrossed my legs and pressed my knees primly back together. "And you looked really uncomfortable when you leaned back and crossed your legs. "Try crossing them girl style," she suggested. "To see if that way is comfortable for you." I did, it was, and I really began to worry as whatever it was in the back of my mind began clamoring for attention. I still couldn't focus on it to discover what was bothering me so much. Whatever it was just seemed to slide right out from under any scrutiny I tried giving it. A wail from the next room interrupted that very, for me, uneasy conversation. With a feeling that was almost relief, I stood and headed out of the kitchen to retrieve little Katie, who has awakened from her nap and was announcing that she was hungry. "Have you always been so good with the girls?" Jennifer had followed then helped me change Katie and a sleepy Caroline who hab been awakened by her sister, before we each picked one up and returned to the kitchen. "I mean you really look content when you're taking care of them, even when you have to clean and change them. Most fathers will do that these days, but none I've ever watched seem all that deep down happy over it." "They're my daughters," I answered without rancor while heating up a bottle of formula for Katie then testing it's heat against my forearm by squirting a little out. "Lisa never did care much for taking care of them, so I tried to make up the difference whenever I was around." "You do a really good job of it," Jennifer admitted as I cooed to the one-year-old and let her have the waiting nipple, carefully holding the bottle at an angle to reduce air being taken in with the formula. "I've also watched women who can't handle a baby so well." "Like I said," looking up to see Caroline curled up in my neighbor's lap and sleeping again, I gave them both a soft smile. "I've had lots of practice. Lisa is one of those women who couldn't seem to get the hang of taking care of them, or even wanted to try." "You sure do look like a doting mommy right now," Jennifer unhelpfully told me, then got that thoughtful look on her face again. "Which brings me back around to what I was kind of driving at before your little darling woke up. "Did you let Lisa do anything else to help out with your costume the other day?" She asked, then waved at me, cradling my daughter in the crook of one arm while feeding her so carefully. "You know, like something that would help you act more feminine or at least seem more comfortable in women's clothes?" "Not that I can think of," that nagging almost itch was back, saying there was something else, but I couldn't get past the feeling that I really didn't want to know what it might be. "We visited a friend of hers quite a bit more than usual for the week or two before Halloween. She's a therapist who uses hypnosis to help people quit smoking and things like that. Lisa wanted to quit the habit, and talked me into driving and keeping her company during the rides out and back. "Hold it!" I shook my head as the direction of this particular conversation finally sank in. "Before you even ask, I never let Alyse hypnotize me. I never picked up smoking as a habit, nor had much else I wanted to change about myself. I didn't even let her do it in fun, like she suggested once when we first met her." "Are you sure?" Jennifer questioned, then rushed on before I could interrupt. "Did you ever fall asleep when you were at this Alyse's with you wife?" "Oh, I'd doze off sometimes," I answered, "A lot of the visits Lisa made were after I'd gotten off work on some really long days and I was kind of tired. Sure, I'd take a short nap off and on when they were in Alyse's office getting Lisa unhooked." "I see," Jennifer nodded. "Did you ever drink anything while you were over there waiting?" "Maybe a beer, or something non-alcoholic if I was really tired out," I shrugged, then grinned. "Come on, Jen, I wasn't hypnotized or anything. That kind of thing isn't supposed to work anyway if the subject doesn't want it to." "Still, it could be an explanation for the way you've been over the last couple of days," my neighbor pressed, flicking a strand of dark hair off her too serious face. "Were you so "motherly" towards the girls before you and Lisa met this Alyse? Or so happy to pick up the slack with the housework and cooking when Lisa left it?" "Well, not really," I began worrying at that odd s