Toni
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Toni
by Carolyn Collins
Chapter 1
Some of my earliest remembrances are of the times I spent in my
mother's bed room. My father was a salesman and his job required him to be on
the road much of the time. I was born in 1950. My name was Antonio Marion
Garbini. My parents called me Tony. By the time that I was four or five, my
mother and I had already established a pattern of behavior when dad was out of
town.
My mother, Susan Garbini, had wanted a little girl to dress up and
make pretty. After I was born, the doctor had told my mother that she could
never have another baby. This must have been the reason that she would dress me
in little girls pajamas at night when she would let me sleep with her while dad
was on the road.
She had kept my blonde hair long. She said that my hair didn't have to
be short since I wasn't in school yet. At night, she would set in front of her
vanity mirror as I brushed her long beautiful honey blonde hair. My thin arms
would get tired, but, I would brush her hair one hundred strokes. She would
always wear some sort of a night gown made of a soft material that was cool to
the touch. After I finished, she would turn her pretty face toward me, her
lipstick coated lips would smile and she would say, "Thank you. You are so sweet
for brushing my hair." I would always feel so good when she would then hug me to
her and kiss my cheek. Then she would brush my hair and tell me how pretty it
was.
I remembered that I would watch as she painted her finger nails and
toe nails. She would let me paint her nails for her on special occasions. A few
times, she even painted my nails for me. She told me that a girl has to take
care of her nails in order to have attractive hands. She would let me put on one
of her lace trimmed night gowns and we would pretend that I was her daughter for
the evening. She showered me with love and attention when we played our little
dress up games. Perhaps, that is why I learned to look forward to the times when
dad would be out of town for an extended period of time.
I also enjoyed it when she let me watch her getting dressed before we
left the house to go shopping or attend to other business. She would have her
panties and brassiere on when she came out of the bath room after taking a bath.
I was always fascinated by the way she rolled her stockings up her legs and used
garters to keep them from falling down when she stood up. She was especially
careful about keeping her seams straight. Sometimes, she would wear several
layers of petty coats under her dresses. I remember hearing them rustle as she
walked down the side walk while her high heel shoes made clicking noises on the
pavement. Our night games allowed me to join her in the fun of dressing up in
pretty clothes.
Our fun ended when I was six years old. My father came home
unexpectantly one night. I was sleeping in my parents bed when I was awakened by
the sounds of them arguing. Dad had come home to find that not only was mother
allowing me to sleep with her in her bed, but, my long hair was brushed in what
was then a feminine style, my finger nails were painted red, I had on one of
mother's silk night gowns which had become twisted around my legs and had ridden
up to reveal a pair of white nylon panties and I was wearing red lipstick.
My father and mother had the worst argument of their married life that
night. The next day, Dad took me to get a burr hair cut. He also changed to
another company where he almost never had to be on the road again. I went back
to sleeping in my own bedroom. For the first month or so, I missed the dress up
games that mother and I had played when dad was out of town. Over the next few
years, however, I almost forgot about them as dad took me to ball games and
other masculine activities absorbed my time and thoughts.
When I was ten years old, new neighbors moved into the house next
door. It was a divorcee, Janice Jenkins, and her two daughters. The woman was a
nurse at the big hospital and she asked mother to baby sit Sheila, age thirteen,
and Vicky, age eleven. In 1960, there weren't many day care facilities
available, so, mother, wanting to be a good neighbor, agreed. Mother and Janice
Jenkins had become close friends within a few months.
Sheila and Vicky had been raised to believe that women were superior
to men. I believe that is why they began trying to boss me around. Sheila was a
head taller than me. Vicky was a couple of inches taller. My father was short
and small built. My mother was even smaller. Mrs. Jenkins was taller than dad.
Her daughters probably would be as well. I was destined to be short and thin
from birth.
The two sisters were fastidious. Their dresses were always clean and
they were always talking about how to behave like a lady. Since there weren't
any boys my age in our neighborhood, I had to play games with them. I would play
house, attend their little tea parties, etc. Occasionally, I would rebel. I
wouldn't play their silly little girl games. Sometimes, I would be an obnoxious
little boy and pick on them.
Late one night, the telephone rang. Mother thought that it was Dad,
since he had to go out of town on a business trip. Instead, it was a doctor
calling to say that Dad had been involved in an automobile accident and was
critically injured. Mother left me with our new neighbors and took the next
flight to the city where the accident had occurred. The first night in the
Jenkins house, I was scared. Janice took pity on me and allowed me to sleep in
her bed with her. It had been years since I had slept with my mother, but, some
of the memories came flooding back to me. Janice wore pajamas that had been made
famous by Doris Day. They almost looked like a pair of man's pajamas. It was
quite a contrast from the ultra feminine satin, silk and lace night gowns that
my mother wore.
The next day, there was no word from mother. I had gone to the back
yard of my house and sat down under a bush to be alone. Sheila and Vicky came
looking for me. I stayed hidden because I wanted some privacy. An hour later,
when I returned to the Jenkins' house, Mrs. Jenkins told me not to ever hide
from her or her daughters again. That's when she noticed that my clothes had
gotten dirty where I had sat on the ground.
"Tony! The seat of your pants are filthy! Don't you dare sit on my
couch until you take a bath." She ushered me upstairs to her bathroom. She said,
"Take off those dirty clothes while I run some water in the tub. I don't know
what we'll do about clean clothes for you. Your mother left in such a hurry, she
didn't bring a change of clothes for you and your house is locked."
I may have been only ten years old, but, I was still embarrassed. I
was down to just my jockey shorts by the time that the tub was almost full. Mrs.
Jenkins turned me around and said, "Even your underwear is dirty!" She grabbed
both sides of my jockey shorts and quickly pulled them all the way down. I used
my hands to cover my penis. "Don't be shy. I've seen other boys and men. I was
married for five years and I am a nurse."
She had put a hand full of bubble bath in the water. I eagerly stepped
into the relative safety of the bath tub and sat down in the hot water. Janice
Jenkins picked up a sponge and began to wash me. I tried to protest. She said,
"I do this for my girls. They love it. Sit back and enjoy the warm wet sponge
caressing your skin. See how nice it feels? Isn't it relaxing?" It did feel
good. I stopped protesting.
Mrs. Jenkins told me to stand up so that she could wash my entire
body. I reluctantly did so. I was only ten years old, but when the sponge washed
my hairless penis, it became hard. I looked at Mrs. Jenkins. She was studying my
body as her hand used the sponge on every inch of my skin. I found myself hoping
that she wouldn't stop.
Janice Jenkins spoke softly, "Tony, you are too pretty to be a boy.
Your face is finely featured. Your body is slim and graceful. Most girls your
age would love to have a face as pretty as yours." She watched me for a moment
and added, "I believe that I have a solution to the clean clothing problem. Sit
down in the tub and relax. I'll be back in a few minutes." I sat down in the
warm water, leaned back and closed my eyes for a couple of minutes.
Mrs. Jenkins awoke me by shaking my shoulder. I had fallen asleep in
the tub. She helped me to my feet and I stepped out of the tub. She used a big
fluffy towel to dry my body. She finished by wrapping the towel around my body.
Not around my waist, the way most men do it, but, around my chest, the way women
do. She led me out of her bathroom and into her bedroom.
"I've laid out a couple of things for you to wear until I can wash and
dry your own clothes." On the bed were some clothes. Upon examination, I saw
that there was a pair of girls white nylon panties with small pink teddy bears
printed on the material. Additionally, there was a matching girls under vest,
also with small pink teddy bears. There was a pink girl's blouse with ruffles
around the cuffs and neck. Pink shorts and pink ankle length socks were also on
the bed.
I suddenly realized that Mrs. Jenkins intended for me to put on these
girlish clothes. I refused. She said, "Now you listen to me. You were the one
who got your clothes too dirty to wear. There aren't any boys clothes in the
house. You can't go around naked until I wash your only clothes. These clothes
are almost too small for Vicky. They should fit you. Remember, your mother told
you to do as I say."
Mrs. Jenkins picked up the teddy bear panties and held them out for me
to step into. It was one of the fateful decisions of my life. I stepped into
them one foot at a time. After all, I didn't have anything else to wear. The
cool nylon felt good against my skin as it was pulled up over my bare legs. She
pulled them up until they covered my hips, buttocks and hairless penis area. She
pulled the towel from around me and held out the teddy bear vest. I slipped my
arms into it and it was pulled down over my chest and back.
"I bet these undies feel a lot better on your skin than those horrid
cotton underwear you boys have to endure. You look so pretty in your new
panties. If your hair was a little longer, most people would mistake you for a
girl. That little bulge in the front of your panties would give you away,
though. Let's try something."
Janice Jenkins led me to her dressing table. She picked up a hair
brush and parted my hair on the right side instead of the left. Since it was the
beginning of summer and school had just let out, my parents had not had my hair
cut for a couple of months. Elvis and longer hair for men had become popular. My
hair was longer than it would have been if school was in session.
"That doesn't look that bad! Tony, look at yourself in the mirror. You
look just like a girl!" She was right. I hadn't seen many girls in their
underwear, but, I had turned the pages of the Sears catalog when no one else was
around. My hair was a little shorter than most girls wore it, however, I looked
like one of the models in the catalog, poising for the pictures. Mrs. Jenkins
seemed to be pleased with my reaction to my reflection in the mirror. She hugged
me and told me, "See, I told you that you were pretty."
"Even though you are clean, we can't have you walking around the house
in your new undies, can we? Here, put on your shorts." I stepped into them and
pulled them up like my own boy's shorts. The problem was that she had either
held them side ways, or, they zipped on the side. Janice Jenkins zipped them for
me. They were cut high on the leg since short shorts were in fashion.
Next, the pink blouse. It went on like any shirt, except, the buttons
were on the wrong side and it had ruffles. "My, how pretty you are. You make
such a lovely little girl. It's a shame that you were born a boy." She hugged me
to her and held me for a moment. I was receiving love and affection because she
said I looked like a pretty girl. I was upset over what had happened to my
father and needed affection.
"Now put on your new socks while I see if I can find a pair of shoes
that will fit you. Your boy's shoes would look ridicules on you now that you
look like a pretty little girl." I sat on the edge of her bed and pulled the
ankle high pink nylon socks on my feet. She found a pair of shoes in Vicky's
closet and slipped them on my feet.
Mrs. Jenkins hugged me again. My face was between her breasts and I
could smell her perfume as she said, "I can't wait until Sheila and Vicky see
the new girl in the neighborhood. Wait up here until I call you. Then, come down
stairs. That way, you can make a grand entrance."
I was left alone in Mrs. Jenkin's bedroom. I was drawn to the mirror
again. I was amazed. I really appeared to be a young girl. At least five or ten
minutes passed by while I awaited instructions to come down the stairs. Finally,
"Tony, you may come down now." The nylon panties and vest felt cool and pleasant
as I walked out of the bed room and down the stairs.
Sheila and Vicky had been snickering when I had started down the
stairs. A harsh look from their mother and the snickering stopped. Sheila and
Vicky walked around me and inspected me from head to toe. Vicky blurted out,
"Tony, You make a beautiful girl!" I blushed from her compliment.
Vicky's mother spoke, "Tony, I want you to pretend that you are a girl
for the rest of the day. Play house like you usually do. It'll be more fun as a
girl. Now go out in the back yard and play. Just don't get your new clothes
dirty. I don't know if there are any more shorts that will fit you. If you get
them dirty, you may have to wear a dress."
I protested. "What if some one sees me dressed as a girl?" I was told
not to worry. Of the two neighbors, my parents weren't home, and the other
neighbors, the Stuarts, were gone out of town on vacation. I was led out the
door by Sheila and Vicky. At first, I was timid about being outside while
dressed in girl's clothes. We played house almost as usual. An hour later, I had
forgotten that I was wearing girl's clothes.
When Mrs. Jenkins called us to come in and set the table for supper, I
was expected to do my part. I was instructed in manners as I began to eat.
Silverware had to be held delicately, I had to set up straighter and chew more
slowly. After dinner, I had to dry the dishes after Sheila washed them and Vicky
put them in the cupboard. When we had finished, Mrs. Jenkins inspected the
kitchen and hugged each of us.
We sat in the living room and watched television. It was Tuesday night
and Milton Berle was on. He walked out on screen wearing a dress and told a few
jokes. Sheila said, "Tony wears girl's clothes just like Uncle Milty." Her
mother told her to be quiet.
Later, when we got ready for bed, I was given a girl's pink cotton
night gown to wear. It had a little lace around the neck and short sleeves.
Janice Jenkins helped me out of my blouse and shorts and slipped the night gown
over my head. That night, she let me sleep in her bed again. She whispered to me
as she held me in her arms, "It's so much nicer to hug a sweet little girl than
a nasty boy." I fell asleep with that thought on my mind.
The next morning, Mrs. Jenkins selected another set of clothes for me
to wear. I took a bath and dried myself. When I entered her bedroom, I saw that
she actually had a dress laid out for me. I pleaded with her. "Please, don't
make me wear a dress. It's bad enough to wear panties under shorts and a blouse.
Please, no dress."
"Don't be silly! I don't have any more shorts or else I would let you
wear them. And, your clothes have not dried yet. You have no other choice. She
held up a pair of pink nylon panties that had ruffles covering the seat. They
looked ridicules on me. Next, the pink vest with layers of ruffles over where my
breasts would have been, had I had any. The pink dress was lowered around my
slender body and zipped up in back. The dress also had ruffles across my chest.
The combination of ruffles on the under vest and dress made it look like I
actually had breasts.
I slipped another pair of pink ankle socks with lace trim onto my feet
and stepped into my little girl's shoes. Janice Jenkins had me sit in front on
her dressing mirror while she parted my hair on the right and brushed it until
it remained in a feminine style. She told me, "You are being such a good little
girl. I'll let you wear one of my necklaces today." I started to protest being
called a girl until I saw the beautiful necklace. I kept my mouth shut as she
placed the necklace around my slender neck.
We stayed inside the house for most of the day. I was sitting on the
sofa with Sheila and Vicky, reading movie fan magazines when my mother walked in
the door with Mrs. Jenkins. I hadn't thought about what I would do if my mother
came back and caught me in a dress. She came over to me and hugged me. Sheila
and Vicky followed their mother out of the room.
"Tony, you're beautiful in that dress." She murmured. If I was so
beautiful, why did she have tears in her eyes? Mother sat beside me, "Darling, I
want you to be very brave. Your father won't be coming back. He died yesterday."
We both cried.
When we returned to our own home, I went to my room and removed my
girl's clothing. My old clothes seemed some how course and crude compared to the
feminine clothing that I had worn over the last two days. Mother bathed, dressed
in fresh clothes and we left for the funeral home. It was only partially
exciting to watch her getting dressed again. We were both emotionally upset.
The funeral went as well as most funerals go. After the ceremonies, we
returned home to an empty house. The Jenkins family had been at the funeral.
Janice Jenkins had even helped with the arrangements. Mother needed a shoulder
to lean on and Janice Jenkins was there.
The day after the funeral, the life insurance agent called. Father had
a very large policy. The house mortgage and funeral expenses would be paid off.
Then, Mother would recieve one third of the remaining money as a cash
settlement. One third of the remainder would go to mother in installment
payments. The other third to be placed in a trust fund to be turned over to me
on my twenty first birthday. Mother was relieved to hear that money would not be
a problem.
We settled in to a pattern. Each night, I would watch, or, even help
as my mother painted her nails or brushed her hair. Sheila and Vicky still came
over during the day when their mother was at work. Sometimes, in the evenings,
Mrs. Jenkins would come over so that she and mother could talk.
The summer was half over when, one evening, mother asked me if I would
put on the pretty pink dress that I still had in my closet. I tried to refuse,
but, I couldn't say no to my mother when she said please. She filled the bath
tub with bubble bath and told me to take off my clothes and get in. She removed
all her own clothes except for her black silk panties and matching black silk
brassiere. She explained that she didn't want to get her dress wet.
She made sure that I washed every inch of my body. Then, she helped me
dry myself. She caressed my shoulder with her hand, "The bubble bath has a
special formula to keep your skin soft. You're young and don't have to worry
about that yet. There, now you are dry. Here is your pretty pink ruffled
panties." The soft material of the panties felt very good against my soft bare
skin. I wondered why all men didn't wear nylon panties instead of ruff cotton
jockey shorts.
Mother helped me with my ruffled under vest and dress. I put on my
pink ankle socks and shoes. Mother hugged me and told me how sweet I was to
humor her in this way. I sat in front of her dressing table while she brushed my
hair over to put the part on the right side. I hadn't had my hair cut since a
couple of months before father died. It was long enough for her to style it a
little. "Tony, you make such a pretty girl." She whispered in my ear.
The door bell rang. "Tony, would you be a dear and answer the door
while I get dressed?" I panicked. Mother smiled and said, "Don't worry. It is
Mrs. Jenkins and her two lovely daughters. They have already seen you in a
dress. Be a dear and answer the door." I went down stairs and peeked out the
window before I opened the door.
Janice Jenkins smiled and kissed me on the cheek when she saw how I
was dressed. Sheila and Vicky did the same. We went to the living room where the
two girls and I waited as Mrs, Jenkins went up to talk to mother. Sheila and
Vicky complimented me on how pretty I looked. We talked about the television
shows that we had watched the night before.
Mother and Mrs. Jenkins talked for almost an hour before they came
downstairs. Mother was dressed to go out. "Tony, we're going out to eat at a
restaurant." I asked when they were going to get home? "Oh, you're coming with
us."
I exclaimed, "You'll have to give me time to change clothes. I can't
go out in public dressed like this!" Mother and Mrs. Jenkins both explained that
no one could tell by looking at me that I wasn't a real girl. After fifteen
minutes of persuasion, I was in the back seat of the Jenkin's car, sitting
between Sheila and Vicky. I was so self conscious, I thought that every one
could tell that I wasn't a real girl. To my relief, no one pointed a finger.
Mother and Janice continued to remind me to behave like a lady every
time I started to show bad manners. Luckily, the restaurant wasn't very crowded.
A few people even complimented us for being such pretty little girls. When we
got home, mother and Mrs. Jenkins talked with me. Mother had always wanted a
daughter and Janice thought that I should be willing to pretend to be a girl for
the rest of the summer.
I thought about my mother. I thought about how good the nylon panties
felt on my penis and bottom. I said that we could maybe try it for a week or
two. Mother said that we would go shopping for more little girl's clothing the
next day.
Rowan
- 10.12.2021
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