I Dream Of Jeannie 01: One Year Minus One free porn video

Editor's Note. *Letters* mean it's stressed. LetTers mean its tone is raised. _Letters_ means it's accented without the stress. I Dream of Jeannie 01: One Year Minus One By Ron Dow75 [email protected] "Ohwaw!" Roger's date cried, pulling at the top of her d?colletage. The red wine was running from her upper chest down into her deep cleavage. "I am so sorry!" Roger rose, and almost dabbed at the spill. "I'll pay for a new dress!" "This dress cost over $300!" the woman said, fending his hand away while doing it herself. "Like I said, I'll pay for the cleaning!" "You can start by paying for the cost to go to the ladies' room!" "Of course! Let me go with you!" Roger said. "*I'll *go with you, dear," Miss Reentry offered. "No. There's no reason for *both *of us to have a terrible date," she said. "True," the buxom woman smiled at her date. "I'm truly sorry!" Roger said, going after her. But before he did, he leaned over and whispered in Tony's ear, "I did this so you two could be alone." "Smooth plan, Roger," Tony said with a terse chuckle. As Roger and Miss Saturn Rocket moved out of sight, Miss Reentry put her hand on top of Tony's. "I'm glad we *did *get this chance to be alone. A double date is fine, at times. But it limits our opportunities to get better acquainted." "And *I *know what 'opportunities' she's interested in." "Jeannie!!" Tony Nelson screamed, jumping in his seat, bumping the underside of the table so badly he had to reach down and steady it, to keep the things on it from coming off. He then checked out the brunette. Yes, Jeannie had frozen her. (_And _everybody else in the restaurant.) "So, this is your 'Mission Briefing'," Jeannie said, her arms crossed in indignity. "No!! Jeannie! It's nothing like that! _Really _! I *did *think we were going to go over the mission. But Roger-" "You could have come home, when you discovered that Roger had another mission in mind." "Well, I couldn't *just *walk out on the girls! I mean it's not *their *fault that Roger-" "So: You did it out of consideration of the feelings of others?" "Of course I did! Girls! I mean, it wouldn't have been gentlemanly for-" Tony panicked: He knew all too well what it meant when she raised her crossed arms, and-"No!! Jeannie!!" -blinked. What had she done to him Now?!! He felt thinner, like he had lost the bulk of the muscles he had built up over his decade of test pilot, and then astronaut training, his bulk all having fallen to his lower half. Not only that, his flat butt had become swollen. And his chest! It took a moment to register, but the still people and things of the restaurant looked different. They all had a new perspective. She had shrunk him! His uniform still fit, but she had taken away his 6' - -" height! "Jeannie! What have you-" But Jeannie just giggled, and disappeared. Suddenly being hit by the noise again, and everybody moving, caused Toni to have to lean on the table to keep his balance. "Major Nelson??" Miss Reentry asked. "Ah, yes!" Toni said, in the deepest voice he could find. Gathering up as much dignity as he could, he pulled at the hem of his dress jacket, and sat down. (It didn't feel the same! Not at all!) "Major?" the woman said, staring at him. Toni picked up the menu, and hid behind it. "Now, what do you want?" "We've all ready ordered, Major Nelson." "But, uh, we haven't ordered the desert! Will you look at the selection!" Please, look at the menu, and *not *at me! "I don't eat dessert. I didn't become a beauty pageant queen by allowing myself to eat." But she was still wary of something. "You know, I can't decide. There are just so much to choose from! This is my chance to go off my astronauts' regime, and I'm going to take advantage of..." "Major Nelson, what's happened to your voice?" "Uh: Artificial atmosphere! Haven't you ever heard what people who inhale helium sound like? (He, he, heh!)" But her date was acting very, very nervous behind his folded piece of fancy cardboard. And it wasn't, this time, because he was around a (stunningly) beautiful woman. She put her hand on the top of the menu. "I'm used to having men look at me," she smiled, falling back on her usual tactics. She gently, but firmly, lowered the Carte. What she saw was a brunette. She hadn't really noticed his hair all that much before. But, now, there was just so much of it! All carefully curled and teased out. "Major!" "(He, HA!)" the woman laughed with a big, stupid grin. "If this is some kind of publicity stunt, I'm not going to take any part in it!" Miss Reentry said, picking up the major's glass of red wine. "This is No stunt!" the woman in a major's uniform insisted, raising out of her seat to try and wave off the attack. "That's worse!!" But at the last moment, the beauty pageant queen stopped before all but a few dollops escaped the stemware. She held her tempter, and set the glass down. Mustering all of her dignity, she declared, "I will *not *provide any scene for a rag to publish." And with that, she turned, and strode regally away. "Ha, Ha!" the major laughed, relieved, and fell back down onto his seat to try and regain his composure, his(?) forehead pressed against his(?) up-bent arm. "What happened to Miss Reentry?" "YAAA!!" Toni cried. Startled, he fell out of his seat, nearly touching the red carpet with one of her knees. *All* eyes in the restaurant were now on him. "I'm sorry!" Roger said sincerely. "I didn't mean to frighten you, Major!" "Roger! It's you!" Toni said, able to get rid of some of his stress. "Do you know you're out of uniform, Major?" "Roger, it's *me* Tony!" He had to say it, so he tried to ignore the stares. "I don't know any Major Toni. Did we meet at the Effects of Weightlessness Conference, or the Inter-Services Fitness Contest? I certainly should have remembered you." "Jeannie put a spell on me!" he said very quietly, close to Major Healey's ear. "Jeannie? Jeannie who?" Roger said a little dreamy at the beautiful woman who was so close to him. "Roger, come on!" Toni said, taking him by his tie. "You're taking me home." "I _Am _!" Roger smiled happily, as he tapped his chest with his fingertips. The show apparently leaving the stage, the talking about them had begun. *** In Roger's red convertible, "Now that we're away from everybody, and out in a parking lot on a beautiful night..." "Roger, you idiot! It's me: Tony Nelson! I told you Jeannie turned me into a girl!" "Yeah: And it's some girl! You remind me of Sally Field." "Sally Field?? The teenage surfer Nun!?" "Maybe it's just the dark hair. What's the name of that woman who's famous for playing Peter Pan? But you're definitely the pixie type." "I thought your type had more, size!" "Cute or beautiful, you're an attractive woman." "Don't you *dare* try and kiss me! I know martial arts!" "So do I," Roger said, his lips hovering near Toni's. "Roger, take me home at once!" "Hunh? Oh, yes! Right away!" Roger said, coming out of his daze, and starting the car. "*My* home?" "You don't have any roommates, do you?" *** "This is Major Nelson's house," Roger said, pulling up in front of it. "Roger!" Toni laughed in frustration. "*I'm* Major Nelson!" "Why didn't Tony ever tell me he had a cousin like you?" "Because he knows what you're like around a pretty face!" Toni said, getting out of the car. *** "Jeannie! Jeannie!!" Toni yelled, hurrying into the house, and automatically tossing his cap on the chair near the door. "You know about Jeannie?!" Roger said, coming in behind the woman. "Roger!!" Toni turned only briefly back towards him. "Jeannie!" he cried, moving towards the kitchen. "Jeannie?! You up there?!" Roger called up the stairs. "Jeannie?" Toni asked, looking inside her bottle on the small writing desk. He sat it back down, "You're not in there." "I wonder where she's hiding," he said looking around. "Roger!!" he cried, starting to panic again. "She's not in the bedroom," Roger said. "Stay out of the bedroom!" Toni ordered, moving to herd him away from the door. "I've seen Tony's bedroom, before." Toni reached past him, and pulled the door shut: Wham! "Not when you might *want* to!" "What does that?... Oh! You think that..." Roger became defensive. "No, not on a first date. Ask Jeannie. She's given me women. I can be a gentleman. Especially, when there's a genie around." "You just keep remembering that!" Toni told him, moving away from him. "So, what do we do now?" Roger asked, following. "I don't know: Play Parcheesi? (Ha, ha!)" "I'll get the board!" Roger volunteered. "Roger! It was just a joke!" Roger stopped, and looked around the empty room. "I knew that," he said, back on the defensive. "Maybe she's shrunk herself," Toni said, looking into the small things on a shelf. "Maybe she's visiting her family," Roger suggested. "(Ha, he!) Don't say that! Her mother already thinks I'm not good enough for her!" ("My mother wouldn't think that.") "And her sister is jealous of her younger sister, and wants me as her plaything!" "Oo, kinky. Like a Sidney Sheldon novel." "Roger! You're not being helpful," Toni, gave up the search for the moment to state the obvious, much to his annoyance. "Jeannie's not like other genies," Roger explained to her. "You can't just order her. If you can't trick her, you just have to wait for her to want to do what you want." He moved over to the couch. "Basically, Jeannie is a puppy that's eager to please. If only her master would *let* her do her tricks, she would be more satisfied, and not take her frustrations out on him." "Roger, I don't know why people say you're dumb!" Toni said, as if he'd finally heard something that made sense. "I'm not dumb! Do you know how many tests you have to take to *be *an astronaut?!" "Then why do you act spacey-And never mind; I think I just answered my own question. *** "It's *your *move. Roger! Look at the board and not at me!" Toni said from his chair. Roger was on other side of the Parcheesi board they'd set up on the coffee table. "Aren't you uncomfortable in that bulky Air Force jacket?" "We live in Florida! *And* we're astronauts. I'm used to being 'uncomfortable'. Now, move!" "You know you're out of uniform." "You said that before!" "Master! What are you and Major Healey doing?" "Jeannie!!" Toni cried, standing up; and upsetting the board and scattering the pieces (which Roger tried, fruitlessly, to prevent). "Turn me back!!" Toni ordered. "So you can finish your date with that woman?" "The date's over! Turn me back!!" "Where were you, Jeannie?" "Roger!!" "I was thinking." "Oh...! Tony's in trouble." "Jeannie, it was Roger's idea! I didn't even *know* it was a date until I got there!" "I know. I realized that after I had calmed down." "Then you'll change me back(!)?(!)" "But it has happened before. I don not want it to happen again." "Then turn Roger into a woman! *Why* punish me?! If anybody _deserves _to be a-" "So, I talked with Mama." "Your mother!!?" ("Bi-ig trouble," Roger said.) "She said, since you will not act like a master, you should act like a friend." "What does *that *mean?!!" Toni cried in frustration, afraid he was going to find out. "There are two kinds of marriages." "Marriage!!" "Since neither one of us is the masterly type, she says we have to be friends. She changed from reporting, to talking with heartfelt emotion, "Those are the best marriages, anyway, *right*?!" "Why ask me!? I've been a bachelor all of my life!" "Exactly!" Jeannie nodded vigorously. ("Uh, oh! Here it comes," Roger said.) "We cannot be friends until we have sympathy for the other." "How can I have sympathy for a genie that turns me into a woman!!?" Blink! Toni Nelson was no longer standing in his major's uniform. Instead, he was in another type of uniform. "Wow! Toni! You look fabulous!" Roger said. For a five foot four inch woman of 34-22-34, she *did* look good in a harem costume that was nearly identical to Jeannie's, only baby blue. "YAAA!! Jeannie, what have you done?!!" Toni screamed. "I don't care *what *she's done; I like it," Roger said, still ogling the woman. "You have nice legs!" They could be clearly seen through the gossamer pantaloons attached to the velvet bikini bottom. "It would be nice, if she had a little more cleavage," he suggested to Jeannie without taking his eyes off of the other one. "If that is your wish." "Oh, yes. I wish." "Jeannie!!" Toni cried, putting up his arms (and discovering that his velvet bikini top rose with them). Blink! "Here!" "What? They're still the same size." But then Roger took his eyes off of the hooters (while Toni opened his eyes, and dared to look down), and onto what Jeannie was holding up near him. It was a parchment. "What's this?" he asked, accepting it from her. "Mama and I have gotten Hadji's permission for Major Nelson to be a genie for one week." "Jeannie!!" Roger held the parchment up under his neck, "Does this mean that I get my own...." He did not want to be jolted back to reality, yet. "Roger!!" "A mortal has to read the spell." "Is that all?!" Roger smiled like a small kid about to get a new toy. ("(HA--)Roger! You can't!) But when he looked at the parchment, "It's in another writing." "It's Ancient Babylonian." "I don't read Ancient Babylonian." His toy had been taken away before he'd got it. "Here, it's subtexted," she said, pointing. Roger squinted, "The fine print." "Jeannie!! Don't do this!" "You must face Mecca." "Face Mecca," he said, turning. Jeannie turned him, by his shoulders, in the right direction. ("Jeannie! Let me go!") "Raise your hand." Roger raised his hand up to his side. ("At least give me a running start!") Suddenly Roger was holding something. "What's this?" he asked, looking at the gold disc with a six-pointed star and writing engraved on it. "Only the Seal of Solomon can turn a mortal into a genie," she informed him. ("Please!! One of you listen!!") "Of course. The Seal of Solomon. I thought it was destroyed." "It is. Now, enchant the spell." "Chant?" "Reading it will do." Putting the parchment up to his face, he read, "-----------------------------------------------------------------" There was thunder like judgement, and flashes of lightning, where the genie-costumed Toni became a color negative, positive, negative, and back to positive, eight times. "Wow! Special effects, too" Roger said in wonder. But his face fell. "Tony. You're back to being you." Standing beside him was Major Anthony Nelson in his USAF uniform. "No, Major Healey; it is me, Jeannie!" he said with her voice. "What happened!?!" he cried, looking at the once beautiful woman. "I told you this was about learning how the other lives!" Jeannie said. Roger looked over to wear he last saw Toni. She was still there. "Then why doesn't she look like you?" "Your genie can look like whatever you want your genie to look like." "Really?!" he said, delighted to have his new toy after all. "Roger-" Toni tried to warn. "I wish you to look like...," he fumbled. What did he want his genie to look like? "Jeannie!" To his horror, Toni found the strange thin, bare arms raising. And when the small, slim hands had touched an upper arm: He blinked! He didn't open his eyes. "Wow! It worked! It really worked!" Roger cried in wide-eyed joy, staring at his very own genie. "You even have a size 40D!" he said to the Tony standing next to him. Jeannie was not happy about it. "I am sorry, former Master. But, as you will find out, when the circumstances dictate, a genie *must* assist a mortal with the truth." "Then why didn't *you* tell him that he could give you a chest like this, when *he* was your master?!!" an angry Toni said, looking down at his very swollen (and clumsy) hooters, bulging out of his top. "The circumstances weren't right," Jeannie explained, sincerely. "This is my genie?! *Mine*?!!" Roger grinning from ear to ear. "For one week," Jeannie said. "One week! That's enough! It's better to have had a genie for a little while, than to never had a genie at all! Okay, Toni, I want a villa in Monte Carlo, a chalet in Aspen, a royal suit... No! My *own* hotel in Vegas! A seat on the Board of Directors of the New York Stock..." She was just standing there, her arms crossed in annoyance, now, frowning at him. "You're not giving me my wishes," he said, wondering what went wrong so soon. "He is no longer Tony," Jeannie told him. "I know. He's a she." "No. *All* genie's are named genie." "Oh. Oh... Is that why your sister is named Jeannie!" "Being a genie is punishment. Part of the punishment is to have our identities taken from us." "So, she's Jeannie," Roger pointed. Then pointed to the man, "And *you're* Jeannie?" "I am no longer a genie!" Jeannie laughed. "You're not??" "No! The Seal of Solomon turns mortals into immortals, and immortals into mortals." "Meaning...?" Suddenly Roger got it! He turned to the major, bending his knees and taking him by the sleeve, "You no longer have your powers!?!" "No!" he smiled. "You hear that, Tony?! It's just what you've all-ways wanted!" Roger said, turning to... the beautiful, and very angry, blond in a harem costume. "Oh! (Ahem!)" he said, straightening up. "Jeannie has *my* power. Magic is finite, you know." "So, if Tony's now Jeannie, what do I call you?" "I have no identity. I lost it when I became a non-person. I guess you can call me Major Anthony Nelson. That is who I'm going to be for a week." "That makes sense," Roger said. "You, you're a genie, because you're being punished?" 'Jeannie' asked. "It's working! (Ha, Ha!)" 'Major Nelson' laughed with delight, clapping his hands and bouncing up and down on his knees like a little child. "He is feeling sympathy!" "I've *always* tried to be a good guy," she said. "Why didn't you ever tell me?" "You never asked me." "You never *told* me!" "The circumstances would not allow it." "You mean you're a victim of circumstances?" Roger asked. "Okay, circumstances do allow it, now. Tell me why you are being punished." "My sister." "Your sister is punishing you?" "That makes sense," Roger said. "No!" 'Major Nelson' chuckled at the silly idea. "Genies can't turn *mortals* into genies. Only mortals!" "What about Hadji?" Roger asked. "Roger!!" 'Jeannie' said. "Hadji is a special genie. He's the Great Eunuch charged with being the representative of mortals." "Jeannie!!" "Eunuch?" Roger said, blanching at the thought. "What about your sister: Jeannie?!!" "He's not Jeannie. You're Jeannie," Roger said a little distractedly to the female, still dwelling on the eunuch idea. "I helped her, when I should not have. She was already being punished a century before I was born." "(Heh, ha!) You're mother is a genie!" 'Jeannie' said, stating what he already knew, but not like this. "She was not always a genie!" 'Major Nelson' defended her mother. "Your sister?" 'Major Nelson' became more unsure of herself, "She is not that bad." Then she bobbed his head, trying to convince 'Jeannie' that: "She *has* mellowed over the millennia." "She was worse!?" 'Jeannie' laughed nervously. "Oh; I'm glad we never met her when you took us back in time," Roger said. Suddenly the word "eunuch" came back in his head. "I am sure with a little more time, she will get better." And 'Major Nelson' smiled happily, "And Then *I* will no longer have to be a genie!" "That's All??" 'Jeannie' said in disbelief. "That's All that has to be done?!" "That all??" Roger said. "You're talking about Jeannie's sister." "Well, it *is* a bit more complicated than that," 'Major Nelson' confessed. "Mama would still have to be a genie. And I would have to do penitence. Make a trip to Mecca..." "They allow women?" Roger said. "Okay, Jean--. I mean, 'Anthony', we will switch places for one week. But *only *one week, you understand?!" 'Jeannie' said. "Yes, former Master!!" 'Anthony' said, ecstatic that a plan of hers was working out. "You be careful!" 'Jeannie' said firmly. "This is *my* career we're talking about." "Yes, former Master!" she said with all due seriousness. "I will guard it as the sacred trust it is!" "Okay. You know where my schedule and papers are. Study them, and do exactly as they tell you to do. They are your master for this week." "Oh, yes!" 'Anthony' said with enthusiasm, glad that she would have somebody to do her thinking for her. "Let's hope for the best," 'Jeannie' said. Then, "Roger, what do you say I blink you home?" "Home?? Right! Home!" he remembered. Blink! *** In his apartment, "This is my place(?)" he said. "I blinked you home!" 'Jeannie' said. "My home is Des Moines, Iowa." "Roger!" "I don't want to live here, I want to live in a mansion-Or a palace: Full of servants." Then he got a 'naughty' voice, "All female." "Roger, we don't have time for that!" "You're right. I only have a week! What do I want first!?(!)" "Roger, I want you to wish to go back in time." "Why would I wish that??!" Roger protested. Until, "Wait! What a wonderful idea!! I would be the smartest man around. I would *know* what was going to happen before it happened! People were more obedient then than they are now..." "Roger! We are going back to ancient Baghdad!" "Baghdad? Are there casinos there? --Belly dancers! And harem girls!" his mental images began to multiply. "Roger, we're going to find Jeannie's sister." "Eunuchs. *Why* in the Sam Hill would we want to do a thing like that(!)?!" "You heard Jeannie! She's a genie because her sister is a genie! If we can go back in time *Before* she became a genie, then Jeannie won't Have to be a genie!" "No genie. No wishes. Jeannie, if you go back *before* there was a Jeannie, then you can't be a Jeannie, and you can't go back in time!" "Roger, I know all about time travel scenarios. This is magic. It isn't logical." "Right...isn't logical," Major Healey said, reconsidering his strategy. ***See Footnote*** *** "Roger!?! Is *this *Baghdad??!" 'Jeannie' asked. They were in a marble hall at *least *as large as Two football fields. Everywhere was drapery of the same material as her harem pantaloons were made of, in every bright color of the rainbow. Every fixture and finial was gold. In the middle was an Olympic sized pool with a large sea nymph fountain. Everywhere else, on the marble floors, oriental carpets, and thousands of cushions scattered about where women! There where women dressed in their native costumes from around the world; except those costumes had been redesigned for burlesque. As where the uniforms (including US military ones). The rest were in revealing bathing suits, with a lot of them bikinis. But what seemed more disturbing to 'Jeannie' were the number in harem costumes. Laying in a pile of cushions, surrounded by a dozen or more of some of the most beautiful women 'Jeannie' had ever seen was Roger. Instead of his US Army uniform, he was in what appeared to be a cross between a sheikh's and a hippie's robe, complete with love beads. "Roger!!" 'Jeannie' laughed back his panic. "I asked you: "Is *This* Baghdad"?!!" "It's, like, *my* bag, dad," Roger said, "Roger!! I said to wish us to *Ancient* Baghdad!" "I will. I will. In a week." "In a week!" 'Jeannie' laughed. "We don't know *how* long it will take to change history!" "We'll have plenty of time, won't we, Saturday?" "Yes, Master!" *All* of the girls around him replied. "Saturday?? They're *All* named "Saturday"??" "That's right," Roger said, taking in the beauty of the ones in the direction he was looking. "My name is Amber Saturday," the honey haired one said to 'Jeannie'. Her smile was electric. "My name is Barbara Saturday," said the long woman in an slinky evening gown slit up to the hip laying on a tiger skin. "But you can call me 99." "My name is Cicely Saturday," said the black woman with the big shiny black eyes. "There are fifty two Saturdays," Roger told 'Jeannie'. "Fifty-Two!!" 'Jeannie's' laugh was on the brink of the precipice. "Three Hundred and sixty Four women for your harem!?!!" "That's right," Roger said contentedly. "One for each day of the week." "You wished for 364 days in a week!?" "You see? There's plenty of time," Roger said, laying back down, and letting the women swarm over him. ***See Footnote*** *** "Wait your turn," some of the women not attending their Master pulled 'Jeannie' away. "I can't wait that long!!" "We all know how you feel," the Gypsy woman said. "But he's the *only* man in our world!" the Chinese woman said. "I'll *never* have my chance with him!" the Eskimo woman mourned. "(He, ha) You're a Friday, right?" 'Jeannie' said. "No! Monday," the blue woman said. "The odds are Master will die within a month of Sundays," said an English woman in just Bermuda shorts, a man's suit coat, and a derby. She was holding a betting book. "Not if I make strong voodoo," a woman from the Caribbean said. "Can you really make a zombie out of him?!" 'Jeannie' asked, hopeful. "We don't want a man more dead than alive!" said a nurse whose uniform was barely there. "We want a man who is responsive!" said a Japanese woman with a handful of acupuncture needles. "Not frigid!" said a Russian woman. "Rigid would be nice!" said a cowgirl. "I know the spice that will heat him up!" said a Mexican Woman. "Tamale?" she offered. "Who are you?" an Aussie from Downunder cover asked. "Just call me his girl Friday," 'Jeannie' said, hurrying away from the scene that was really getting on his nerves. *** He hadn't got fifty yards before he had to stop and ease herself down onto a cushion. "Are they bothering you?" a leggy brunette in braids and gingham asked as she petted her little dog. "Why did he have to make them so big!" 'Jeannie' complained. "They make just walking annoying!" "I always wondered what having this size would be like," the woman said, looking down at her own big breasts. "Before I came here, I had such small ones." "Bite size!" a little man dressed up like Robin Hood said, before disappearing again. Before appearing with a fluttering of invisible insect wings again, "There's a pun in there." "But just sitting by the shore, will not let you forget those cares," said a red haired woman in a short yellow slicker as she ran her fishnet covered feet in the pool. "They still tug at your shoulders." "But they are lovely bait," the miniature man said suddenly looking down on them. "AAA!" 'Jeannie' cried, startled by the little man again. "But they are worth the fuss and bother, when the time comes," a Hawaiian woman said. "Surf's up, wahini!" he said, jumping over her, back into view. "Who *is* this guy!?!" 'Jeannie asked, clearly aggravated. "I thought there would only be women here?!" "He's a munchkin," the woman in gingham answered. "I am not. I am the court jester," the little man said. "A jester??!" "An ancient and honorable profession, well thought of in plays. I am also known as a "Wise Fool". *I* am allowed to say truth to the ruler." "Then why *don't* you go bug the _'ruler' _!?" 'Jeannie' said in a threatening tone. "He is... busy. Besides, *somebody* has to entertain all these 'ladies-in-waiting'." "I am sure, they are *not* entertained by the kind of comments you have been making." The little man shrugged his shoulders. "This *is* a male fantasy." "'Tis all right, mate," the fisher woman said, still lolling by the pool. "When you've lived among weather burned men such as I, when they've come back after months away from any woman, you learn to tolerate, even welcome, such talk." "Not with me," the gingham woman said. "The men around our farm had the manners to keep talk like that among themselves." "But you were raised on a farm: You *knew* the facts of life before you thought to ask about them!" the Hawaiian woman said. "I *didn't* say I didn't *know* what they were thinking," the gingham woman said rather indignantly. "I just said it wasn't polite." "Ahh...," the little man said, "too much 'correctness' is arid, leaving only a dust bowl." "Did he just say something dirty?" the gingham woman asked. "I think so," 'Jeannie' said. "Only by innuendo," he smiled. "Listen, you!" 'Jeannie' cried, grabbing the little man by the front of his russet vest. "Puck; the name is Puck." "What did he say?" the fisher woman asked, taking her feet out of the water, and rolling to get a better view of the group. "As in _"A Midsummer's Night Dream" _?" 'Jeannie' asked, no longer so ready to quiet him. "That I am. The very same." "Listen," 'Jeannie' said, letting go of the small man, and starting to brush away the creases he'd put in his vest and lincoln green shirt, "You can travel around the world in a wink of an eye." "That is the general idea. I do not know if that is the exact quote, though. Our Master is not all that literate," Puck said, nodding his head towards the gingham woman. "Ye-he-yes!" 'Jeannie' laughed, relieved this time. "Let's hope he doesn't have *those* kind of fantasies." "So, you want me to bring back the flower that, with one drop of its nectar in each eye, will have that person gaze upon the next person they see with only love?" "Yes! You got it!" 'Jeannie' giggled. Puck produced a perfume bottle. "What do you think Master has in the treasure room?" "Oh, no!!" Pop! Spray! 'Jeannie' popped up meters away, among another group of random women. "It is as you said, I can "travel in the"-" Pop! Spray! 'Jeannie' popped up on the other side of the pool. He heard a sound like dragonfly wings. Pop! Spray! And, so, the air became filled with mist from the love juice. Woman embraced woman, becoming instant friends, talking and laughing amongst themselves and telling each other intimate secrets, hugging and kissing for reasons men did not seem to understand. At last 'Jeannie' popped himself in front of 'Master'. Spray! Duck! 'Master' started coughing. 'Jeanie' plucked the bottle from Puck, and started unscrewing the atomizer. Puck made another bottle appear-But 'Jeannie' splashed *his* in the imp's face. Puck dropped his bottle. "'Zounds! My eyes!!" The area reeked over the smell of sweet, intoxicating love. 'Jeannie' held her breath, and tossed the small man at 'Master'. "Whaaa--!!" Roger cried. Blink! Puck's chest nearly landed on another flat chest; it was prevented from resting on it by his face up against a muzzle. "Hee-Haw!" "My eyes burn, and if I do not open them-" 'Jeannie' magicked up a spear. One swift stab: "Owww!!" "I never did like what you did to the Fairy Queen." But now 'Jeannie' had to breathe. "Oh, you are the most wondrous sight I ever did lay eyes on!" Puck started praising the half-man/half-ass. "Who would have thought there could be a creature such as you..." 'Jeannie' popped in a powerful electric fan to help the set of female fanners Roger had cooling him. "It's a good thing I wished that you had to protect me," Roger said. "YAAA!!!" 'Jeannie cried, nearly jumping out of the strange skin he was in. "Do you *have t o keep doing that?!" Roger said, reacting with nearly as much of a start. 'Jeannie' turned on the man behind him. "That isn't *you*!?!!" he cried, pointing behind him. 'Jeannie' saw the most beautiful man he'd ever saw in his life. He could almost imagine him to be a woman, he was *that* lovely. ***See Footnote*** "Of course not! It's the Second Law of Geniics!" "What?? Jeannie never told me-" "That's because I made it up. I am the Master, I set the rules. You've heard of the Three Laws of Robotics?" "Roger!!" "Unh-Hunh! "Master"!" Major Healey chided. "'Master'?!" "Oh, I *like* the sound of that!" he said, trying it on for size. "Okay, _'Master' _: You have some explaining to do!" "I am the Master, I don't have to explain! Now, if you'll excuse me," he said, royally motioning him to step aside. Though angry, he did. In silence, 'Jeannie' watched him go to the pile of cushions where Puck was embracing the befuddled ass-headed Bottom. Blink! The pair were gone, and Master was free to return to what had been interrupted. "How can I grant your wishes without you *telling *me what they are, first?!" Settling back among the cushions and beautiful women, Master Healey sighed as if deciding to indulge one of his servants. "Because magic isn't logical." ***See Footnote*** Pop! 'Jeannie' gave a cry of utter frustration that sounded too much like the real Jeannie's. He was now at the other end of the 200-ft. plus hall. "Is it Saturday already?" asked a shorthaired brunette in a short blue fur dress, sitting on just a carpet. "Has anyone seen Wednesday?" asked a longhaired brunette in a long tight black dress. She was sitting on top of a pile of cushions as if they were a chair. "Have you seen Sam?" asked a honey haired woman with a mole, and wearing just a man's business suit and a G-string. She was on one hip, and holding an ocelot by a leash. "No!" 'Jeannie' said, plopping down onto the nearest cushion. Her face took on a look of pain, as she clutched the oriental carpet at her sides. When it had passed sufficiently, she said out loud, "How do women move with these?!" "I make it a practice not to move any more than I have to," the woman in the very tight dress said. "The corset may have something to do with it." "Don't ask me," the nearly flat-chested woman in fur said. "Actually, it is the hips that are the biggest problem," the woman in the suit said, running her hands sensuously over it. "Ye-hah!" 'Jeannie' laughed his agreement about the hips being a nuisance, too. Being a test pilot he knew about design: Men were built better. "The biggest problem with being a female detective," said the woman in the suit, rolling onto her ass, "is not the strength, or length, it's the width." "You're a detective?" the woman in black asked. "That's right. Sam is my associate." "That wouldn't be Sam Diamond, would it?" "Uh, no. That's not my Sam. He's strictly a nuts and bolt kind of guy." "By the way, my name is Friday," the woman in black introduced herself. "Mine, too!" the woman in fur said. "Betty Friday." "Morticia." "My name is Jo Friday." "_Joe_ Friday!?!" 'Jeannie' laughed without any humor. "That's right? You have a problem with that?" Jo challenged. "The problem isn't with *you*," 'Jeannie' said, feeling how ridiculous his trap was this time. "Are you a Friday, as well?" Morticia asked, playing the hostess. "No, I'm not!" "Oh, that's right. Isn't Friday your people's day of rest?" she said. *** 'Jeannie' quickly rose to her feet. "See? Wide hips can be useful," Morticia said. "What am I going to do!?" 'Jeannie' said, starting to pace. "When I have a problem, I ask Master," Morticia offered. "(Hm,hm,hm!)" Betty laughed. "Me, too! But it's usually Master who's asking me." "I like to show Sam who runs the business," Joy said. "'Master'!?! What happened to your husbands or boyfriends?!!" "That is Master!" Betty stated the obvious. "I get it: 'No logic'," 'Jeannie' said, his frustration not helped. "If I let logic into my life, I would have been dead again several hundred times over," Morticia said. "I couldn't do half the things I've done," Betty said. Jo said, "My whole career is logic and coincidence." "The logic of no logic!" 'Jeannie' snapped her fingers. "I believe she's got it," Jo said. "Brilliant deduction!" Morticia said in praise. 'Jeannie' drew herself straight up, and slapped hands onto arms. Blink! US Army Major Healey popped down onto the floor at her feet, leaning back on his arms. "Wha, what happened?" he said in a manner more typical of him. "You're the Roger Healey I last remember talking to before you brought us here," 'Jeannie' said. "Here?" he said, trying to get look around. 'Jeannie' put her slippered foot down, "Now, you're going to explain things." "I thought I was suppose to be the master?" Roger said, trying to think what went wrong. "I cannot have *two *Masters!" "That sounds correct," Morticia said. "The highest authority," Jo the detective confirmed. "Having two Masters doesn't sound proper," Betty said. "Okay, Roger, you're going to tell me what your wish was, I mean, the wish you were about to make!" "Do I have to?" "Do you remember all of the things Jeannie's done to me?" 'Jeannie' then smiled that wicked smile Tony Nelson could get, "...And she did them because she _loves _me." "I have to," Roger blanched. "Ah, the power of love," Morticia said. Like a child having to confess, he said, "I *was *going to wish that I had the power to suspend time." "You wha-ha-t?!!" 'Jeannie' cried. "Roger! You didn't do anything...Funny?!" "I hadn't planned on it," Roger rolled his eyes, not wanting to look at 'Jeannie' directly. "I just wanted a chance to get my list." "List? -You made up a Wish List!?!!" "Sure. Doesn't everybody?" "Anybody who thinks he might get to use a genie some day!" 'Jeannie' knew Major Healey only too well. "Okay, Roger, what was on that list. Besides the Three Laws of Geniics?" "Three Laws...?" I've got to remember that," he said, feeling his pockets for something to write with. "Roger!!" "Well... I knew Jeannie couldn't be trusted to get anything right! I mean-besides the fact that she's a little," and he made a flying saucer sound, "--her reference points are all ancient history! Remember when you first found her on that island?" "What?? What do you know about-" "Jeannie made that home movie as an anniversary present." "That's right. I tried to get her to blink up a ship, and then a plane or something to rescue me." "She didn't know what a helicopter was. Hadn't the faintest idea that anything flew besides bugs, birds, bats or carpets." "But she gave me what I was thinking!" 'Jeannie' at last got it. "She also learned English, that way," Roger reminded him. "So, you decided to hotwire the process," 'Jeannie' said. "--Make her use *your* references!" "It would make things simpler. I don't know why you never thought of it." "You Do know it's me in here!!" 'Jeannie' cried, grabbing him by his Army blouse. "Of course I know!" Roger said. "Intellectually." 'Jeannie' let him drop back to the carpet, and the marble floor beneath. "I should have known *that* wouldn't rule your thinking." Roger looked up at 'Jeannie', looking like he might be at least somewhat ashamed of himself. He asked, "What are the "Three Laws"-" Blink! "What Have You Done to Me!??" 'Jeannie' bent over the transformed man, "You are now Barbie Saturday. You have one day to change your Wish List," he told the blonde with the impossible figure in a bikini and boa that had to look up at her. "Change my Wish List!??! Do you know how much work I've put into it!? Why do you think I've been so distracted!!" "If you do not change it," 'Jeannie' said with a tone of threat that sounded a lot like Tony Nelson's, "You will be Cleopatra Saturday. Then Dolly Saturday, and-" "Does that mean I won't have my time with Master?" Betty asked the others. "None of us will," Jo said calmly. "They both will be dead from exhaustion long before our turn." "Mmmm," Morticia smiled. "You should try it." "Not if they have a genie," 'Jeannie' promised Roger. "Gee! Just how kinky do I want to get?" Roger asked himself. ***See Footnote*** Pop! In his apartment, "This is my place(?)" he said. "I blinked you home!" 'Jeannie' said. "My home is Des Moines, Iowa." "Roger!" "I don't want to live here, I want to live in a mansion-Or a palace: Full of servants." Then he got a 'naughty' voice, "All female." "Roger, we don't have time for that!" "You're right. I only have a week! What do I want first!?(!)" "Roger, I want you to wish to go back in time." "Why would I wish that??!" Roger protested. Until, "Wait! What a wonderful idea!! I would be the smartest man around. I would *know* what was going to happen before it happened! People were more obedient then than they are now..." "Roger! We are going back to ancient Baghdad!" "Baghdad? Are there casinos there? --Belly dancers! And harem girls!" his mental images began to multiply. "Roger, we're going to find Jeannie's sister." "Eunuchs. *Why* in the Sam Hill would we want to do a thing like that(!)?!" "You heard Jeannie! She's a genie because her sister is a genie! If we can go back in time *Before *she became a genie, then Jeannie won't Have to be a genie!" "No genie. No wishes. Jeannie, if you go back *before* there was a Jeannie, then you can't be a Jeannie, and you can't go back in time!" "Roger, I know all about time travel scenarios. But this is magic. I *could* change history. I have to try." "But if Jeannie never becomes a genie, you two will never meet," Roger said with a show of real sympathy. "I am prepared to trade my happiness for hers." The Story Continues ***Footnotes*** 1) This is the space for a future alternative plot line. 2) I have no idea what happens between these scenes. It's just a logical place for a scene or three. 3) No, there was no hardcore sex, lesbian, hetro, or other. Besides the fact that all but Puck only inhaled the drug meant for the eyes, there is the little matter of Roger's dysfunction. More on that when, and if, the time comes. (If you know the series, and you, too, wish to keep your stories _nearly _as clean, then you can probably figure out what Maj. Healey's problem is. I did.) 4) My original intent in writing this oda plot line was for Tony to gain some sympathy and insight by *having *to listen to girl-talk (And, from some of my favorite women and characters). Unfortunately, I cannot ignore a "plot-thread" once it suggests itself. 5) Here is my second chance for girl-talk, with Roger added this time. He has a _whole _other kind of male mind. Did he or didn't he? As a he *and *a she? Well, he being Roger, and, recognizing his problem, decided to see if 'Jeannie' would deliver on his promised threat. Trivia According to _Total Television, a Comprehensive Guide to Programming _ (by Alex McNeil), IDOJ was on *Saturdays* during its first season. This was followed on NBC by _Get Smart _. While on ABC Fridays that same year, there was _The Flintstones _, and _The Addams Family. Deep Trivia, what was the *real* TV name of "Jo Friday"? Her show has been on TVLand. Footnotes Future story lines: Besides the battle of wills against the way-too-far-ahead-of-her- time feminist big sister Jeannie ("Why does there have to be logic, Now, of all times!!?!") and her family (Who's going to protect young Zahreh's virtue from the evil Master?!)... There is Jeannie trying to get away with acting like Major Nelson. (Maj. Bellows thought Maj. Nelson acted strange before!) Since Roger is away (maybe), Col. Bellows and the General will play major supporting roles. (Plus anybody else from the original series I decide to fit in. Amanda, perhaps? How long do you think the Bellows were married? Remember that magic isn't logical.) Then... Well, let's just say that if I wanted to, there could be more stories. Would you like to see Major Nelson be the first American woman astronaut in space? And, oh, yes, there's the little matter of saving Roger's soul. Not because he's a would-be reprobate, but because a *mortal* was needed to read the genie-making spell? (Could this be the story line that explains how Roger Healey became Howard Borden? Curtis Shaw [hotel manager], Dr. John D. Hanratty [an American Q], Dr. James Shepherd [vet]? ...Anthony Nelson became J.R. [too much like Roger's fantasies gone bad,] as well as Richard Evans [architect] and Albert Miller [butler], and friend of Archie Bunker. ...Dr. Albert Bellows became Steve Smith [movie agent], and Col. John D. Farnsworth [of the Army]. ...Gen. Martin Peterson became western Marshal Frank Caine (uncle of Kwai Chang?). ...Amanda Bellows became Gomez Addams' first wife, Kate Dickens, and Andy Hardy's Nora Grady (and let's not forget that time she was Dr. Bombay's 'genie'), etc. etc. ---------------- *Here's *a challenge for all those into nostalgia TV. Because _that's _the only way *I'm *going to write something that requires far more trivi-ology than I care to indulge in at the moment. (What's the astronaut name of Burt Campbell of the _Soap _?)