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Pamela: In the Beginning By Janis Elizabeth Prologue I sat in the rocker in the baby's room, wearing a peach-colored satin nightgown with cap sleeves, peach colored satin panties, and a white satin sleep bonnet, giving our daughter her evening bottle. She was hungry and took it readily. Karen was already in bed, wearing her nursing bra, nursing nightgown, and a white satin sleep bonnet, waiting eagerly to have me come in and nurse on her breasts that were heavy with her milk. I had tasted her sweet fluid in the morning, and in the evening, and sometimes even in the middle of the night. Karen seemed to enjoy having my lips on her breast while she gently kneaded her milk into my willing and receptive mouth. It had been two weeks since Karen had delivered our new daughter, Janet Ann. She and the baby were discharged from the hospital the second day after the delivery. Karen was obviously tired but was glad to be back in her own surroundings. Her mom, Ann, had been over every day since we returned home, ostensibly to help Karen around the house during the first few trying days with a new little one. In fact, I think that she was there more for the purpose of getting to know and spoil her granddaughter Janet. Giving Janet her bottle gave me time to reflect on how this wonderful life, that I was now experiencing, all began. Chapter 1 The song 'Do-Re-Mi' from the 'Sound of Music' has the line that says, "Let's start at the beginning, a very good place to start." I was born one fine July day and was christened Thomas Edward Martin. I was a late in life surprise for my parents. The pregnancy had been hard on Mom and the delivery was very difficult. During the pregnancy, Mom's obstetrician knew that things were rough on her and suggested that, as soon as I was born, she have her tubes tied. This would prevent further pregnancies and the accompanying complications and not put Mom at risk in the future. After some thought, Mom reluctantly agreed to have this procedure done. I was to be her one and only opportunity to experience the joys of motherhood. Mom would have been much happier had her one and only been born a girl, but sometimes you can't always get what you want. Dad was one of those typical Type A personalities that had to work ten, twelve, fourteen hours a day to feel like he was getting ahead. Obviously, he played a very small part in my upbringing and development. My first remembrances of my childhood found me in frilly girls' dresses and crinolines complete with all the appropriate underwear for a young girl. Mom had kept my hair long. She would always call me 'Mommy's Little Girl' or 'Her Pretty Little Girl.' When friends and family would question Mom about her keeping me dressed as a girl, she would merely explain that she was doing this to help develop my character. She would also remind them that some famous writers such as Alec Waugh and Ernest Hemingway were kept in girl?s clothes when they were young children. Since she believed that they benefited from this, I probably would benefit from wearing girl?s clothes also. However, I noticed that as I grew older and was getting closer to the age where I would be attending school, Mom had me wear boy?s clothes more and more and girls' clothes less and less. I remember how sad she looked when I got my haircut and removed the last vestiges of girlhood. Still, she did have her beautician leave it a little long throughout so that she could still dream of those days past when I was her little girl. Throughout elementary school, I wasn't the typical rough-and tumble boy. Neither was I the effeminate little sissy that would regularly be the target of taunting and teasing. I did well with my studies and had many friends, both boy friends and girl friends. However, I was not interested in sports at all. I guess it may have stemmed from Mom's concern that I might get hurt. During this time, I never really knew my dad. He was always too busy making money. He would leave for work before I would get up and would not get home until it was late. Mom and I often ate our evening meal without Dad around. One spring day, when I was in the sixth grade, I was summoned to the Principal's office. This usually meant something bad was about to occur, because you weren't summoned to the office otherwise. When I got there, I saw the principal, Mr. Connors, waiting. He took me into his office and said that Mom had called. It seemed that my dad had suffered a major stroke at work and had died instantly. She would be coming by to pick me up before she made arrangements for his funeral. Although my dad had not been a part of my life, I still felt a sense of loss over his sudden death. I waited quietly in the office until Mom arrived. Once she came in, I rushed to her and wrapped my arms around her. I buried my head on her shoulder and started to cry while she tried to comfort me and keep herself from breaking down also. We left school, after a few minutes, to attend to the necessary details of the funeral. Chapter 2 Some time after the funeral, Mom got all of dad's affairs for the estate in order. It turned out that he had a healthy investment portfolio, along with several large insurance policies, that would allow Mom and I to have a very comfortable life without any financial worries. However, his death left a large hole in both of our lives. After school let out for the summer, I sensed the loss even more, as I had nothing to occupy my mind as my schoolwork had done after his death. One day, I told Mom that I needed something in my life to take my mind off of my father's sudden passing. She thought for a moment and then had me come over and sit beside her on the sofa. Mom told me about how she had always wanted a daughter but had a son instead. She told me about how she had relished the early years of my life when she could dress me up in pretty and frilly things and pretend I was her daughter. When I started school, she suffered terribly over the loss of her pretend daughter. Now, with the death of her husband, she felt that she was completely empty. "Would you help me put something back into my life and maybe it would give you something to fill the void you are experiencing also," she asked. I was wondering where this was headed, especially after her initial conversation about my early years, but I said that if I could do anything to help her, I would. "Tom would you go back to being 'Mommy's Little Girl' in the evenings and on weekends? It would make me feel better to know that I hadn't lost all of my hopes for a daughter even after all of these years." To say I was shocked would be an understatement. I sat there, stunned to silence by her request, for a few seconds. When I finally was able to gather my wits about me, I asked her what I would have to do to be her Little Girl. "I would just like to be able to get you pretty clothes and dress you as my daughter when we are home alone. No one would ever have to know about this if you didn't want him or her to know. You won't have to go outside if you don't want. I would get you soft and silky clothing, lingerie and sleepwear that you could wear for me and be my Little Girl. Would you be willing to do that," she asked? Being the obedient son (and now daughter, I guess), I agreed to her request. I asked her when we would begin, and if I could stop being her Little Girl if I felt that it wasn't helping me. She said that we would start on the weekend, after she had done some clothes shopping for my new outfits. Since Saturday was my birthday, she would also consider this to be the birthday of her Little Girl, also. As for stopping, she asked that I not be too hasty and that I be tolerant of wearing girl?s clothes for a while. Maybe I would grow to like them. I said that, for her sake, I would try. Chapter 3 Mom spent several days shopping. Each day she came home with her arms loaded down with bags and packages. There seemed to be a renewed vibrancy of spirit about her. When Saturday morning arrived, she came into my room, opened the curtains and gave me a little kiss on the cheek to wake me. After ensuring that I was awake, she had me take a shower, making sure I washed my hair. She would leave some clothing for me to wear on the bathroom counter. I went into the shower and washed everything, including washing my hair. I found a big fluffy, pink towel and used it to dry off. All that was on the counter was a pair of silky pink panties with lace all over and some scented bath powder. After applying a good amount of the powder, I stepped into the panties and pulled them up. Mom came in then and helped me to position myself so that I had a feminine looking front. I was unprepared for the sensation of the soft panties against my bare skin. It felt much better than I had imagined. Mom then led me back into her room. A silky pink padded satin bra was on top of a pile of clothes. Mom helped me into the padded garment and said, "Since you are turning 13 today, you need a bra to help support your budding breasts. This bra will give you the shape of a 13 year old girl." I loved the softness of the bra and marveled that I now had two small mounds protruding from my chest. Mom then had me put on a pink satin robe and seated me at her vanity. Using a curling iron, blow dryer, comb and brush, she was able to give my longish hair a feminine appearance. "It will be better when you start rolling it at night," she said. Next came a little makeup, including pink lipstick. "Young ladies of 13 should use makeup very sparingly. They don't want to look like women of ill-repute," she said. Obviously my Mom was very genteel. I removed the robe and fastened the garter belt around my waist. Mom showed me how to put the tabs inside my panties. She also explained how I would normally wear a garter belt. I should usually put it on before I put on my panties. Next, Mom showed me how to put on my stockings, carefully rolling them up my legs and attaching them to the garter belt tabs. A silky pink slip came next, followed by a crinoline and a pink party dress with puffy sleeves. After showing me how to properly sit when wearing a skirt or a dress, Mom had me put on a pair of black 1-inch heels. She then helped me stand. It took a few minutes before I felt that I could stand, let alone walk in them. Mom was almost bursting with pride when she looked at me. She had me look at myself in the mirror. I was surprised when I saw my image. There, looking back at me, was an attractive teen-age girl in a pretty party dress. Mom said, "My Little Girl looks so pretty, wearing her party dress on her birthday. How does it feel?" I had to admit, both to her and to myself, that all of these clothes felt very nice on my body. While the idea of wearing a skirt or a dress would take a while to get used to, the fabrics made the experience very pleasing. Mom asked if I would like to go out for dinner, since it was my birthday. I told her that would be a special treat. "It will only take me a few minutes to change," I said. Mom asked me not to change my clothes. She wanted to show off her Pretty Little Girl. When I expressed my concern about being recognized, Mom said that, with my hair, makeup and clothes, no one would know that I was Tom. I presented the very image of a young girl, not of a young boy in a dress. After listening to her plead with me for a few minutes, I finally, although reluctantly, agreed to go in my pretty pink party dress. Mom was elated. As it turned out, all of my fears were groundless. No one recognized me as Tom. Everyone accepted me as a young lady. And, I found that I was beginning to enjoy being dressed and treated as a young lady. After dinner, Mom surprised me by having the restaurant's serving staff bring out a cake and sing "Happy Birthday." When we got home I changed into a soft and silky nightgown, kissed Mom good night and thanked her for all of my wonderful clothes and went to sleep. Chapter 4 The next several years saw this pattern continue. Mom had the spare room redecorated in a soft and feminine style, including pastel colors on the walls, a mirrored vanity, a canopied bed with satin sheets and dolls and stuffed animals on the shelves. Naturally, this became my room where I spent my time as "Mom's Little Girl." Mom seemed to glow each time she saw me in a pretty dress or lingerie. She always enjoyed taking me shopping so that my feminine wardrobe would increase. Part of the summer was spent at our beach condo. Before we would leave, Mom would go shopping and get me my summer wardrobe, including several cute one-piece bathing suits. During that first summer, Mom started taking me to her beautician to have my hair and my makeup done professionally. After numerous trips, and listening to the advice of the beautician, I was able to do a good job of styling my hair and doing my makeup. It took me awhile, though, to get used to sleeping in rollers at night. Mom would laugh when I would complain about this and say it was one of the minor inconveniences we women had to experience to look pretty. My weekends, evenings and summers continued to be spent as a young lady. I had now advanced to breast inserts that nicely filled a B-cup, whenever I put them in my bra. School posed no problem, as I continued to attend as Tom. My grades were always high and I stayed out of trouble. I tended to have a natural inclination toward anything that dealt with computers. This, I decided, was to be my area of study and concentration when I went to college. While I never had a steady girlfriend throughout my high school years, I did date regularly. Sometimes, I would find myself wishing that I could wear the pretty outfit that my date presently had on or wondering what her lingerie looked like. However, I would stifle these urges and not do or say anything that my date might find offensive. All of my dates considered me to be the perfect gentleman. Both the Junior and Senior Proms were a real treat, not only from attending with an attractive date, but also seeing all of the different styles, colors and fabrics of the gowns the girls wore. Even though I was taking a young lady to the Senior Prom, Mom wanted me to experience the joy and the thrill of getting ready for the Senior Prom as her Pretty Little Girl. About a month before my Senior Prom, Mom announced that we were going out shopping for my Prom Dress. When I looked at her strangely, she assured me that I would only wear it around the house, so that I could know what went into getting ready for a special event and so that she could have pictures of her Pretty Little Girl in her prom dress. Before I got dressed, I showered and made sure that all of my body hair was removed. Scented dusting powder made me feel like the young lady that I was supposed to be. I dressed in my white satin lingerie, garter belt, nude stockings, and full slip. I selected a plain, short sleeve satin blouse and a straight gray skirt that fell to just above my knee. Gray one-inch heels completed my outfit. After doing my hair and makeup and spraying on some perfume, I picked up my purse and went downstairs to meet Mom. She complimented me on my appearance. We drove to a large bridal and formal gown salon. Mom assured me that there certainly should be a gown in stock that fit well and appealed to me. After seeing the size of this salon, I certainly had to agree with her. As we entered, we were greeted by one of the sales associates asking if she could assist us. Mom indicated that we were looking for the perfect gown for my Senior Prom. The associate, Donna, said that she hoped we would find something satisfactory. With that, she asked what size we were looking for. After Mom indicated my size, Donna led us over to the racks of formal gowns in my size. There were sheathes and strapless gowns and gowns with full skirts requiring crinolines in a rainbow of colors. Mom leaned over to me and whispered that while a strapless gown would look nice, it might be a little unsuitable for me. I just smiled at her comment. After looking over the selections, Mom and I agreed on three gowns that I should try on. With Donna's assistance, we took the three gowns into a fitting room. The first was a full-skirted gown in dark blue satin. I undressed down to my lingerie. Mom then helped me with the requisite crinoline. It felt strange to walk around with this much fabric around my legs. I soon got used to it though. Mom helped me put the gown on and zipped it up. The wide straps, the fitted bodice and the square neckline of the dress accented my upper body. The long flowing skirt settled over the crinoline and rustled with every step. The fit was perfect. However, Mom and I both agreed that this would be our fallback dress if we didn't find anything else that we liked. I removed the gown and crinoline and hung them back up. Next, I tried on a darling, black silk halter dress. Its' full skirt flowed gently from the waist. I put on this gown and had Mom help me tie the halter-top around my neck. The style of the gown almost dictated that a strapless bra be worn under it. After all of thirty seconds thought, Mom and I came to the same decision; this was not the gown that we wanted. The third gown that I tried on was a dark green, sleeveless satin sheath with a straight neckline. It looked nice, even before I put it on. After I put it on, it looked even nicer. I instantly knew this was THE gown. Mom agreed with me immediately. We returned the first two gowns to Donna so that she could put them back on the rack. I then carefully removed the third gown and returned it to the hanger. This was the keeper. After I was dressed again in my skirt and blouse, Donna asked if we wanted shoes, gloves and/or an evening bag with that. Mom thought that it would be a good idea if we could get shoes dyed to match. I tried on a pair of three-inch heels in my size. They fit perfectly and felt good on my feet. Donna assured us that they would be ready in three days after being dyed to match my gown. Mom selected a small black evening bag for me, also. After some discussion, we agreed that I should wear elbow-length white gloves to set off the gown. I tried on a pair to see how they fit. When we saw that they fit was correct and that the gloves did indeed come up to my elbow, we added these to our purchases. Our last purchase was a sheer evening wrap for my shoulders and arms. Needless to say Mom was very pleased with all of our purchases. Chapter 5 The Friday after we had purchased my prom gown was to be my femme prom day. Mom had already planned everything out, including my absence from school that day. Thursday night, Mom had me take my shower after making sure that the depilatory cream and the razor had removed any hair from my body, except around my private areas. She then made sure that I was in a satiny nightgown and in bed between my satin sheets early. "You have a full day ahead of you tomorrow," she said. "I am just trying to make sure that you get your proper beauty sleep." For once, I agreed with her on my bedtime. After giving her a hug, I settled into the comfort of sensual satin completely encircling me, even to my satin sleep bonnet. When Friday morning dawned, Mom made sure that I was up early. I took a quick shower and properly dusted myself when I was dry. Wrapping a towel around me like Mom had encouraged me to do; I went back to my room and found that Mom had laid out my outfit for me. Instead of my usual garter belt and stockings, I found a pair of sheer knee-highs. I quickly dressed in the lingerie, blouse and skirt that were there for me. Since I was wearing knee-highs, I figured that flats would be okay. I had just started to brush my hair when Mom came in. She told me not to bother with makeup. When I looked at her questioningly, she told me that this would be a part of my prom preparations, which included a complete day of beauty with a hairstyle and conditioning, manicure, pedicure, facial and complete makeup. "I want you to look perfect when you wear your prom gown," she said. After a light breakfast, we headed for the beauty salon. Mom said Lynn, our normal stylist, had the complete list of services that I was to receive. She also indicated that she would pay Lynn when she got back. Nevertheless, she gave me a few tens and a five and said I could use that as Lynn's tip. I got out of the car and headed inside. Mom said she would be back in a little while. Lynn greeted me warmly as I entered. She took me to the changing room where I took off my skirt and blouse, shoes and knee-highs and put on pink slippers and a pink salon smock. I then went out to Lynn's styling station. She covered my body with a gold plastic shampoo cape and took me over to the shampoo bowl to wash my hair. While in the reclined position at the shampoo bowl, I made sure that I acted like a proper young lady by keeping my legs together. I didn't want to show off my panties, even in this feminine environment, where everyone had seen pretty panties before. After washing my hair, Lynn said that she was going to deep condition my hair with a hot oil treatment. She took me back to station with a towel draped over my head. Once I was seated, she applied the conditioner and combed it through my hair. She covered my hair with a plastic conditioning cap and then put the heating bonnet on my head, making sure that the elastic chinstrap was snapped in place. When she plugged it in, I could feel the surge of warm as the cap heated up. After about five minutes of sitting under the heating cap, Lynn unplugged it and took it off. She then had me back at the shampoo bowl where she rinsed my hair. I was getting my daily exercise as I moved back to the styling station with my hair wrapped in another towel. Lynn proceeded to trim my hair and then quickly and efficiently put it up in rollers. A pink hairnet was tied in place over the rollers. I then was placed under the dryer hood to dry. While I sat there under the dryer, Lynn did my manicure and Penny did my pedicure. Several coats of a medium red polish were applied to my nails. A clear coat was then placed on top to protect the red finish. I loved the way my nails seemed to sparkle. After my hair was dry, Lynn took me to a different station. She placed a large shower cap over my roller-covered head. She then had me recline in the chair so that she could do my facial. Using various scrubs, Lynn cleansed my face. The last step was application of a deep cleansing mask. After Lynn finished, this mask had to stay on my face for fifteen minutes before it could be removed. When the cleansing mask was removed, Lynn started on my makeup. My blush highlighted my cheekbones. Eye shadow applied to my lids highlighted my eyes. Mascara made my lashes look fuller and more intense. My lips were coated with a lipstick that matched the color of my nails. Lynn applied several coats before having me blot my lips. She then repeated the process before allowing me to blot again. With my makeup done, Lynn moved me back to her styling station. My hairnet and rollers were removed. Using the tools of her trade, Lynn created a style where my hair was piled on top of my head. It was a very classy and fashionable style. When she finished and had applied hairspray to keep my hair in place, Lynn commented that I would be the most beautiful girl at the prom. She asked if I would bring in pictures of me in my prom gown so that she could see them. I promised that I would try to remember them. While I changed out of the salon smock, Lynn went to the front of the salon to settle my bill with my mother. When I reappeared, dressed in my blouse and skirt, Mom complimented my appearance and said that Lynn had done well in getting me ready for the prom. I naturally thanked Lynn and tipped her well before I left. Chapter 6 Prom night is always a big night for all young ladies. While I wasn't actually going to the prom, Mom made sure that I experienced all of the excitement just the same. After my beauty salon appointment, Mom and I headed for home. Once here, Mom shooed me off to my room to start getting dressed. I removed my skirt and blouse that I had worn to the beauty salon, as well as the lingerie. Mom had gotten me lingerie in green satin that matched my gown. I quickly put on the green satin garter belt and hooked it around my waist. Next, I carefully rolled the black stockings up my legs and attached them to my garters. As I put on my lacy green satin panties, I marveled at how nice it always felt to feel the pull of the garters and the stockings. After I put my bra on, I noticed a new box of breast forms on my bed. When I put them into the cups of my bra, I now projected with a nice C cup. As I finished adjusting my breast forms, Mom came into the room. She commented on how nice my shape was with the C cup breast forms. She then handed me a sanitary pad. "You know what to do with this. I just don't want you having an accident that would soil your pretty panties or your gown. I thanked her for her concern, properly placed the pad in my panties and tucked myself in. Mom helped me into my long green satin slip and then had me put on my heels. Needless to say, I could not wait to put on my lovely gown. Mom carefully removed my gown from its plastic bag and helped me put it on. Once properly placed on my body, Mom zipped the back up. She then took some of her most expensive and most feminine scented perfume and sprayed me with it. Mom had me put on a single strand of pearls and matching pearl earrings. After I put on my evening gloves, Mom left the room, telling me to wait right there. She returned shortly thereafter with a beautiful corsage that she pinned to my gown. Mom picked up my evening bag and wrap and started for the other room. "Now for some pictures," she said. "Come into the living room." I followed her in and was surprised to see Virginia, a long-time friend of my mother's and a professional photographer to boot, set up with her camera equipment. Mom said that she had wanted some good pictures and didn't want to risk them by taking them herself. Virginia would do a nice prom album for each of us. For the next hour or so, Virginia proceeded to pose me in many different positions. In one, for example, I had one of my gloves off and was holding it. In another, I wore my evening wrap over my shoulders and arms. She even posed Mom and I together in several of the shots. After what seemed like a thousand different poses, Virginia finally indicated that she had taken enough good shots and that Mom would be pleased with the results. With that she packed up her gear and left. Mom looked at me for a second or two before she spoke. "You are so pretty in your prom gown. You have made me very happy by being my Pretty Little Girl throughout the years. Tonight, I realize that you are no longer my little girl but a beautiful young lady. Thank you for having pleased me over the years." With that, she reached out and gave me a big hug. "You know, it seems such a shame to have you all dressed up and not have any place to go. Why don't you sit here for a few minutes while I change into a gown and heels and we will go out to the club for dinner? Would that be suitable?" I said that it would be a very nice treat, and that I would get to wear my beautiful gown someplace. It took Mom about twenty minutes to do her hair and makeup and change into a black satin sheath with short sleeves and a jacket, black three-inch heels and her evening bag and wrap. She looked like the classic picture of grace and elegance. Her gold jewelry was set off well by the black of the dress. On the way, she confided to me that her lingerie was black satin also. "I couldn't let my daughter have her lingerie match her gown without doing the same," she told me. At the club, we enjoyed an excellent meal. After dinner, while enjoying the music from the band, I was surprised when the son of one of the club members came over to our table and asked me to dance. Although I was reluctant to dance with a boy, Mom encouraged me to do it and simply enjoy myself. I danced several times with this young man and a few others there. While inwardly averse to dancing with any boy, I presented an outward picture of a beautiful young lady seemingly enjoying herself. Mom enjoyed seeing me, in my pretty prom gown, dancing with some of these young men. Thankfully, nothing more happened from these encounters except for the dancing. As the hour grew late, Mom and I expressed our regrets to those around us and we took our leave from the club. On the ride home, Mom asked if I had enjoyed being a pretty prom girl. I told her that, except for dancing with a boy, it was a fine experience and one that I will long treasure. I told her that I loved the look and the feel of my gown and of my heels. The corsage and the photo session were added treats. When we got home, Mom had one more surprise for me. "A pretty prom girl like you should have a pretty negligee to sleep in at the end of her big day," she said. She handed me a box that contained the silkiest, laciest white satin negligee I had ever seen. The robe was sheer including the sleeves. The nightgown was an ankle-length, form-fitting piece of sensuous satin and with double spaghetti straps on both sides. "It's absolutely beautiful," I said. "A pretty negligee for my pretty little girl. Enjoy it while you sleep tonight." After removing my prom gown and my lingerie, I put on this heavenly garment and a white satin sleep bonnet to protect my hairdo, gave Mom a big hug and climbed between the satin sheets for some very pleasant dreams. Chapter 7 I graduated from high school in the top ten percent of my graduating class. At Mom's request, under my male clothes at graduation, I wore garter belt, stockings and panties. My white dress shirt was actually a formal satin blouse. Had I dared to wear any more of these fine fashions, I think I would have surprised many of my classmates and teachers. In the fall, I enrolled at the university an hour from home. I had my own apartment, which enabled me to continue to wear the many feminine delights that Mom had introduced to me. Everything seemed to be going fine, with the possible exception of the lack of a steady girl friend. This enabled me, though, to concentrate on my computer studies. Mom had always mentioned to me that she had a letter that she kept in her lingerie drawer, with her slips and her panties, that detailed what I was to do with regard to funeral preparations for her, when that day arrived. I kept saying that day was far off and neither of us should worry about it. She told me that it was always good to be prepared. Little did I know how much or how quickly I would need to be prepared. During the spring of my junior year at college, I came back to my apartment one day after classes. I found a note tacked to my door, asking me to call a certain number, ask for Sgt. Stone and that it was urgent. When I got inside, I called the number listed. I found that it was the police department in my hometown. When I told them who I was and who I wanted to speak to, they had me hold for a second and then Sgt. Stone picked up the phone. He told me the bad news. Mom had been driving and had come through a particular intersection on the green when she was hit broadside on the driver's side by a speeder who had run the red light. The driver of the other car was in the hospital in serious condition, but Mom had not survived the collision. She had died instantly. Needless to say I was in shock. I said that I would be home after I had taken care of my classes. The officer told me that Mom had been taken to the local funeral home and that the personnel were awaiting my instructions. After contacting my professors and saying why I would not be in class for the next few days, I packed and headed home. The first thing that I did was go to Mom's room and get the letter out of her lingerie drawer. She told me that I should only have one day of viewing and that the casket should be closed. She also said that she had prepaid the expenses for her funeral and the receipt was included with the letter. I should not concern myself with getting flowers. She then indicated that there were two boxes in her closet, one with the outfit she would be buried in; the other was for me. She requested that I wear the outfit in the box for her funeral and to keep the funeral private, with only the minister and me in attendance. I went and found the two boxes that she had mentioned. In one box was her black satin sheath with short sleeves, jacket and black three-inch heels that she had worn the night when I wore my prom gown. She also had black satin lingerie inside the box. The other box contained a gray satin blouse, black lingerie, black stockings, a black silk-skirted suit and a black hat with black netting to cover my face. I followed her instructions to the letter. During the viewing, in her memory, I wore panties, garter belt and stockings under my men's suit. For the private funeral, I wore the last outfit that Mom would select for me. I did my hair and makeup tastefully, so that Mom would have liked what she saw. I made sure that the hat was pinned to my hair and that the black netting covered my face as a sign that I was mourning. My attire may have surprised the minister and the funeral home personnel but no one said anything to me about it. I barely heard the minister's message, either at the funeral home or at the cemetery. This was one of those occasions where the joy of wearing the sensuous clothes was overcome by the sorrow of Mom's funeral. After the end of the school year, I attended to the details of Mom's estate. I sold the house, gave most of her clothes to the Salvation Army and took care of financial matters. The insurance company settled out of court, so I would not have to worry about anything. I packed up my special wardrobe and returned to school. My once roomy apartment now seemed to be more crowded because of all of my clothes. Epilogue I graduated cum laude with my degree in computer sciences and took a job with a company five states away. After a year on the job, I negotiated a deal with my employer where I would work at home. As they were satisfied with my work, they were happy to implement this arrangement. I continued to dress in feminine things and made the occasional trip into a woman's boutique to get myself something special. The only drawback was that I had not developed any kind of a relationship with a woman. Obviously this all changed when I went into Karen's clothing store and met her for the first time. From then on, my life and my world have been so much better. Karen and I have a great relationship. She accepts and understands my being Pamela. She enjoys it when we both are dressed in soft and silky fashions. My mother-in-law, Ann, treats me as another daughter. My own daughter Janet is a true joy and a blessing. I even enjoy these late feedings for the time that Janet and I share, partly because I know it helps Karen and partly because of being able to nurse on Karen's lovely breasts afterwards. Janet has finished her bottle and given me a nice burp. I held her for a few seconds before I return her to her crib. She quickly went back to sleep. Now it is time for Karen to feed me her own sweet fluid. I put a pink shampoo cape on over my nightgown. I also freshen my lipstick before I join Karen. I want to leave my red lip prints on Karen's breast. As I climb into bed beside her, I notice that she has already lifted her nightgown and unsnapped one of her nursing bra cups for access by my eager mouth. I snuggle down besides her, putting my red lips over her nipple. As she squeezes the milk from her breast into my eager and receptive mouth, I sigh contentedly. From Mom's Pretty Little Girl to Karen's Pamela has been a long journey. What started as Mom's attempt to have a daughter had become a completely different life from the one that neither she or I could have envisioned. I again sigh contentedly and turn my attention to enjoying my wife's sweet fluid. This is the best way to fall asleep, nursing on your wife's breast while wearing a pretty nightgown.