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WARNING: A brief note to the readers this story does contain scenes of Rape as well as descriptions of mutilation of the male genitalia. To The Reader: I as a Rape or Sexual Assault Counselor for both men, women and children, see Rape as one of the most heinous of crimes done to the human body by another human being. Many of the victims have or will undergo years of intensive therapy just to be able to function again within society after their physical/medical needs are met. Their dreams are continual nightmares of this dastardly action. This Story is dedicated to all those victims. May They Sleep Undisturbed. May They All Feel Loved. I Too Am A Survivor, I cry with them all. Unjustly Accused By Lorraine B. (c) 2001 My story is one perhaps all of you have heard at one time or another. Besides haven't you ever heard there is never a guilty person in prison, they're all innocent. Well this time I was a person that was tried by vigilantes and almost convicted by our wonderful judicial system that said I was guilty of a capitol crime. I wasn't! I survived them, their attack and our judicial system. I will not give you my old name or the location that the crime was supposedly committed. The pain and anguish run deep within that community. I will tell you that my name for this story is Jaime Pierson. I do live somewhere on the eastern seaboard of the United States. I am also eighteen years old now. I will tell you also that I was brought into this world as a male. I am now totally a female, have a fianc? that I love dearly. I will also tell you of the death of my best friend, and adopted sister Claudia Sacks. Along with following the career footsteps of my mother and my other older adopted sister. My story starts when I was fourteen almost fifteen. I would have to say that I was a normal boy who noticed all things beautifully physical about girls. I never thought for a moment that I would become a female. I was infatuated with the opposite sex. I looked forward to ritualistic dating and perhaps even to have sex with a girl. I guess that is what's called pubescent hormonal fantasy. *** School was just about to end; Summer Vacation was just about to start. I was so looking forward to the fishing, riding my bike, baseball all the things young boys do. The town we lived in was fairly new to me. Dad was just transferred here from another part of the country to manage the manufacturing plant for the company he works for. Mom is a Registered Trauma Nurse that just started working the Emergency Room at the local hospital. I remember it was on a Tuesday early evening. Dad was still at work. I was doing my chores to help Mom out around the house. Just because I helped my Mom out didn't mean I was effeminate or gay. I was just a boy that accepted responsibility doing what I was asked to do. The house was fairly soundproof but I thought I heard a scream. A girl's scream! For some unknown reason, I continued to do my chores and not investigate the source. There was a knock at the door. Having lived in the big city for most of my young life, you learn to be careful about opening doors. I looked through the peephole first. I saw a large man in a khaki uniform with a badge on his shirt. I carefully opened the door to see what he wanted. It was then that I saw several police cars and an ambulance at the neighbor's house next door. "Do you live here, son? Are you alone?" the officer asked. "Yes Sir." "Did you hear anything unusual within the last hour?" "No Sir. Wait a minute, I thought I heard a scream but I wasn't sure. Why?" "Well the neighbor girl Claudia Sacks, was physically assaulted. She's pretty banged up and unconscious. We also think she may have been sexually assaulted. Did you see anyone near their house?" "No, I've been busy doing my chores that my Mom left me to do. I thought I heard the scream while I was in the basement doing the laundry." I saw that everything I was saying was being written down. When I said laundry, he gave me a real strange look. It reminded me of Dad's look when I did something I wasn't supposed to do. "Thanks for answering my questions. There might be a detective coming to talk to you later." When the Cop left, I shut the door, going directly to the telephone. I called both Mom and Dad telling them what happened. Mom said that Claudia was still unconscious, but her condition was stable. Dad said to make sure the house was locked up and me safe inside of it. I was not to answer the door for anyone. I folded all of the laundry placing it on Mom and Dad's bed. I went to my room lying on the bed. I picked up a book I had started reading earlier. I just couldn't concentrate. *** Claudia and I were just passing acquaintances although we lived right next to each other. We said hello to each other and that was it. She's a pretty, 17-year-old girl being all of 5'3" with a well-proportioned body. She has Reddish brown hair below her shoulders, sun bronzed tanned skin and deep piercing green eyes. She has a voice that could melt butter. She is the fantasy of any teenage boy's sexual dreams and/or fantasies. I in comparison to her physical description was about the same (Including eye, hair color and hair length.) except for the female well-proportioned body and height as I was still barely five-foot. We had been compared as brother and sister many times at school and by our parents. I had also overheard that some of the kids referred to me as her younger sister in a teasing way. This tended to make the both of us feel very uneasy considering I was a boy. Perhaps that was why she often gave me the Cold Shoulder ignoring me completely. I was really sorry to hear of her condition. Mom had confirmed later to me she had been raped. I didn't doubt what she said as she was Claudia's attending nurse in the ER. She also said that Claudia's recovery would be very long and hard emotionally when she woke up. The human body has ways of shutting down to basically regenerate itself from certain traumas. Mom had no doubt that she would be a survivor of this very traumatic episode of her life. Mom had made it perfectly clear for us all to be available to her when and if she wanted to talk about what had happened. I went to see Claudia every day when she was in the hospital. I had a feeling of guilt. I felt that perhaps I might have been able to help or to stop her from getting injured. It didn't matter if she was comatose or not, I spoke to her as if she was awake because of my feelings. The doctors later said that there was a good possibility she would come out of her coma at anytime. *** One day as I was there visiting her, reading a book out loud. She suddenly opened her eyes! She took my hand into her hand weakly and smiled. I kissed her on the forehead then I ran from the room to let the desk staff know she was awake. Everyone rushed in and I was thrown out. We both seemed to bond to each other as she recuperated. We found out we had many of the same interests, such as music and the love of reading. It also seemed that we had picked up each other's mannerisms and speaking habits. We truly did act as siblings! There wasn't a day that went by that a Cop didn't show up to speak to her and me. What I couldn't understand was why me? I didn't know anything! Initially Claudia told them she had just entered the house after visiting her friend Pamela. She didn't feel safe when she entered through the door but entered the house anyway. As she entered the kitchen, she was hit in the stomach and the head several times. That was when she screamed and went unconscious. Claudia stated to the Cops that she had never once seen her attacker. She tried to keep her head down to protect herself from the massive blows being struck upon her. It was finally told to her by the detective that when she was found her clothing was cut from her body. There were massive bruises everywhere including her thighs, breast and vaginal area. When she arrived at the hospital, forensic evidence was collected. Her physical examination verified she had been raped. The evidence was sealed and sent to the Crime Lab for preservation and classification. The department procedure was not to disclose this information except to the victim. Not even in the case of a minor! I saw her eyes open in disbelief! She grabbed tightly onto her mother's and my hands. She buried her head sobbing into her mother's breast. That damn insensitive Bastard of a Cop just kept eyeing the situation of Claudia being held by her mother and me. I gave him a look that could kill. Claudia's mother yelled for him to get out of the room. Claudia calmed down after he left. The three of us managed to talk to each other. "Mom, did you know what happened?" Claudia asked as she started to cry. "No Honey, they wouldn't even discuss anything with me or your Dad. All they said was it was police business and stay away from their investigation. Your father is very angry right now. I'm afraid he's going to get really mad now." Claudia's Mom was right he went to the States Attorney and other politicians demanding justice for his daughter. They must have heard him and applied pressure to the detectives. In the meantime, Claudia had several pregnancy tests done during her stay in the hospital. The last test came back positive. She was pregnant! One of the hospitals Psychiatrists and a physician came and broke the news to her. Claudia was told all her options including an abortion since the baby was conceived as a result of a rape. The physician and psychiatrist were very close to being thrown out of the room by Claudia's father and mother. Claudia seemed to be the one in control saying she would keep the baby after it's birth. After all, the baby was also a part of her. That was the pure love of a mother speaking. Claudia would always have my respect after that day. Claudia came home from the hospital shortly thereafter. She seemed hesitant at first to enter her own house until I took her by the hand leading her in. All in the neighborhood knew what had happened to her. All showed her support and love in every possible way. She was coming out of her shell, becoming her old jubilant self. Her smile could light up a room that was dark. We became so close we were inseparable. We were best friends for life! Our parents were pleased with this event. To us it felt as if we had four parents and eight grandparents. We both always felt loved. *** I had just come home from Claudia's house saying hello to my Mom and Dad. There was a knock on the door, which Mom answered. I happened to be in the kitchen having a snack. I did hear voices in the living room that were angry but I couldn't hear what was being said. Mom came into the kitchen with one of the Detectives saying, "Sweetie, Detective Thomas would like you to go with him to the hospital for some tests. If you don't go he'll arrest you and take you there forcibly." I was in a state of shock. Me a suspect? Why? I kept my anger under control. For some reason, I knew things could get worse. This situation sucked the big one but like Mom said, he'll take me forcibly. Dad came into the kitchen on the run saying, "Son I just spoke to Claudia's Dad. He's calling his attorney as we speak and will meet you at the hospital. You are not to say anything to anyone until you speak to the attorney. His name is Shapiro." I started to cry. Both Mom and Dad tried to comfort me. The detective said we had to go leading me to a Marked Patrol Car in front of the house. As he opened the back door for me, Claudia came running to me saying, "I know you didn't rape me. You've helped me so much. Daddy's trying to help you now. I love you!" I got into the back seat as Detective Thomas slammed the door. Claudia placed her hand on the car window I did the same. I smiled at her as we pulled from the curb. Claudia cried heavily until both of our parents came to console her. On the way to the hospital, not a word was shared between Detective Thomas and myself. As we got closer to the hospital, I didn't know why I was getting nervous the only reasoning I had was I hated needles. We made it to the hospital pulling into the parking spot reserved for police vehicles. Detective Thomas shut the engine off, got out, then opened my door. We walked through a side door entering the hospital. *** As soon as we entered a short pudgy, man identified himself as Joshua Shapiro my attorney. "Did they ask you any questions?" he asked. "No." "Good, you let me speak for you. We'll speak later without the cop present." We went into a lab area. The tech took samples of my hair, pubic hair, skin, blood, sperm, Dental bite patterns and saliva. I was finished at last. The Detective left me with Mr. Shapiro, as I wasn't charged yet. I felt dirty and violated. I could imagine how Claudia must have felt throughout her ordeal. I was very angry. Mr. Shapiro took me to his car making small talk all the way to a coffeehouse he liked. We seated ourselves at a back booth in the restaurant. "Not to insult you but I have to know, did you do it?" I was insulted by that query. I told him exactly where I was and what I was doing when Claudia was attacked. He was satisfied with my answer. He said he was positive I wasn't guilty of the assault and rape. He did say that after a few telephone calls to some of his contacts they all said that I was the prime suspect in the crime. They further said that a forensic psychologist was brought into the case as a consultant. He was the one that pointed the finger at me. I became the prime suspect due to the amount of time I spent with Claudia. He said it was a guilt complex that I was silently making amends to the victim of my crime. That's a psychologist for you, nothing like quasi medicos getting into the act. This was unbelievable; totally inconceivable that I was a suspect due to this man's thinking. I stayed with Claudia due to my concern for her. Perhaps I did have a guilt complex but that was due to me not responding to help her fend off her attacker. Mr. Shapiro and I left the restaurant taking me home. As he drove we talked about all sorts of things which included my favorite subject, fishing. When we pulled in front of the house, the lights were on with many people inside. I noticed that the cars near our house all belonged to the neighbors. I had to assume it was our neighbors in the house. Mr. Shapiro and I got out of the car going directly inside the house. Claudia was the first to see me. She ran directly to me taking me into her arms. For the moment, I felt secure and safe until family and our neighbors surrounded me. Mr. Shapiro suddenly took our parents into the kitchen while I tried to answer any and all questions to our neighbors. Claudia was at my side holding my hand giving me moral support. We never spoke but I believe that she knew my thoughts. Within ten minutes everyone came form the kitchen with Mr. Shapiro saying, "Jaime, and everyone there is no doubt in my mind that you are not the perpetrator of the crimes against Claudia. However, because of what the psychologist has said, it may mean that the police will intensify their investigation of you and try to build a case. As of this moment, they intrinsically have no case and very few leads. "We are not out of the clear yet, not until there is official notification from the police department that you are no longer considered a suspect. "Up until that time you are never to be alone for any reason. The more people around you the better. If you are called anywhere by the police, I am to be called immediately. Your Mom and Dad have my telephone numbers, as do Claudia's parents. My Private Investigator will be in touch with all the neighbors talking to them." With those words, Mr. Shapiro left the house. Little did we know that while we had been in the restaurant and my house the Laboratory Comparative Analysis had begun with the samples taken from Claudia and me. *** In the state police lab one of the technicians had just come in from lunch. It was her birthday so everyone in the lab went with her to celebrate. They all had several alcoholic beverages, which was against policy. They weren't drunk but maybe a bit tipsy. That same technician was given the task of doing the analysis. Somehow, during the process the samples became tainted. The results showed a match between the perpetrator and my samples. The local police were then advised and a preliminary report faxed to them. They in turn notified the States Attorney Office to proceed with the legal determination of the case. During mid-evening, a judge or magistrate was contacted by the Assistant States Attorney. Based upon the forensic evidence presented, a bench warrant was issued for my immediate arrest on the charges of assault, rape and attempted murder. I remember the chain of events quite well, as this was a difficult period in my life. These events will always haunt me to my very being. These events made me mature sooner then I was supposed to. It was and is the harsh or stark realities of life. I had just lain down on my bed after thanking all the neighbors for their support. I was reassured by Claudia and her parents not to worry as they left for the night. There was a heavy knocking at the front door. It was the police! They had a warrant for my arrest. Mom and Dad argued with them until they threatened to arrest them for obstruction of justice. I heard the commotion and came out to see what was going on. A police officer came to each side of me with one reaching behind his back. The other officer asked my name and birth date. When I gave them the information I was handcuffed after one officer nodded to the other. They then read me my Miranda Rights as they walked me to a waiting patrol car. *** Somehow present, were several vultures we call the news media. Already they were blinding me with their camera lights as I walked. Neighbors were coming from their homes to see what was going on. Several neighbors were threatened with arrest if they came near the patrol car as they argued with the police officers. Several of the neighbors that voiced their opinions where arrested. What ever happened to Free Speech guaranteed by the Amendments to the Constitution? Several more patrol cars careened around the corner and down the street. I was afraid that someone would be hurt especially when several officers (and I use that term loosely!) pulled their weapons from their holsters. The official excuse given later was they were fearful of bodily harm at a near riot situation. Yeah, Right! They had the guns! They were ready to use them against unarmed citizens! It would be brought out later to another Federal judge, hearing a Civil Rights Lawsuit against the police department. Videotape would be shown as evidence later to that judge. The news team that was there took it. The police officers actions that night showed they were ready to use Deadly Force against unarmed citizens. That tape clearly showed close up evidence of several officers tightening their fingers on the triggers of their service weapon readying to shoot. I was taken in that patrol car to the County Jail being turned over to the Sheriffs. My personal possessions were inventoried and taken. That even included the earring studs in both my ears. I was stripped searched, having even my anus checked for contraband, given a shower, searched again, dressed in an Orange Jumpsuit, underwear and slippers. They then photographed and fingerprinted me. I was totally humiliated with these procedures that dehumanized the human spirit. I was angry but I dared not show it. These guards looked as if they could do some very serious harm to my small body. Cooperation was the key word in this situation. *** They gave me one bedsheet and a natty old gray blanket placing me in a cell with no windows. The cell was perhaps four-foot by eight foot. My sink and commode were of one-piece stainless steel construction. The bed frame was constructed of welded steel with no springs, essentially just a slab. There was a mattress made of foam covered with some type of material that could have been plastic in nature. It was gray, cracked with holes, and smelled bad. As the heavy solid metal door shut behind me the realization of jail struck a new chord. I made the bed, lay down and cried myself to an uneasy sleep with the lights on all night. The next day I was awakened for breakfast with it being passed through a slot in the door. Whatever it was it was not fit for human consumption. I left it alone going back to my bed. Several hours later I heard a key in the locking assembly being turned. A guard motioned me to come out telling me I was going to court. I walked out of the cell and was told to stop. I heard chains rattling in the guard's hands. A chain was wrapped around my waist with handcuffs attached. My wrists were placed into these so I could not move. Another set of these manacles was placed on my ankles. These had a longer chain but still cut my stride as I walked. Running would be next to impossible in these restraints. They led me to the courthouse next door to the jail. Before I entered, I saw many people gathered most of these people had video cameras. I assumed they were the Vultures again here to pick my bones. I felt as if I was running a gauntlet as I was brought through the doors. They were throwing all types of questions at me. I didn't reply to one of them. We had finally entered the doors of the courthouse. Mr. Shapiro was standing just inside. I assumed he was waiting for me to come. *** Mr. Shapiro went to one of my guards and said something. He then led me to a room filled with all types of what appeared to be law books. The Guards followed and released me from all my restraints. It felt great to have them off I thought as I sat down. "Are you alright?" Mr. Shapiro asked. All I could do was nod my head yes. "You're going to a Bail Bond Hearing before a magistrate. I'm going to see if we can get you out of here today until the Trial. If this case goes to trial! I haven't seen the Disclosure of what evidence they have supposedly against you. Just be patient and don't be nervous or afraid." There was a knock on the door with the guard and a bailiff walking in to tell us the magistrate was ready. I again was led to a small ornately wooden designed courtroom. It was filled past capacity with my neighbors, family and friends. Dad, Mom and Claudia were there also to give me support sitting in the front row. Claudia smiled at me but I could see only sorrow in her eyes. I was seated at one of two tables looking toward a bench that was elevated. I assumed the judge would be sitting there. Mr. Shapiro finally came into the courtroom with another man and woman. Mr. Shapiro sat next to me grasping my hand, while the man and woman sat at the other table. The bailiff walked into the Courtroom followed by the judge and the court reporter. The opening remarks were made by the prosecutors as to why bail should be denied. One of the reasons given was I was a Flight Risk, an alleged rapist and not psychologically sound. The look on the judge's face was impassive as the prosecutor made their closing remarks. Finally Mr. Shapiro stood giving a rousing oratory that would have made Mr. Webster proud. He countered the prosecutors' allegations with a fierceness that made them cringe in their seats. They both realized that they were outclassed. Mr. Shapiro was a down and dirty street fighter, this court of law was his street and he owned this turf. He literally dared the Prosecutors to start a battle of wits. He was the type that chews them up and spits them out. I gazed intently upon the face of the judge his face still showed no emotion. Finally he spoke saying, "In view of the fact that this young man has never had any dealings with any law enforcement or legal problems. He has a steady home environment with caring and loving parents, family and friends. Their support is quite evident in this courtroom today. Therefore, it is the decision of this court that bail be posted for the amount of fifty thousand dollars. The Pre Trial hearing will be in two days from this date at ten am. Since the capital court docket is clear and the prosecution says they are ready to proceed. This court stands adjourned." With a flourish of his robes, he disappeared back into his office chambers behind the courtroom. The bail bond hearing was over. Mr. Shapiro took my hand, shaking it. Everyone came to hug me. The Prosecutors had the looks that they both wanted to do bodily harm to me as they left angrily from the courtroom. All I could do was think that this ordeal was not over. Of course, I was sad. Especially since I was told, I had to go back to the County Jail until a Bondsman was obtained and the paperwork completed. I was back at the Jail in far less time then it took to get to the courthouse. The bondsman was there in the reception area as we (The guards and myself.) walked in. I signed some papers, changed back into my own clothes, and retrieved my personal effects. With the paperwork completed the bondsman and I walked out the doors together into the waiting arms of my loving parents. "Are you alright?" Mom asked as she and Dad hugged me. "Sure, let's go home so I can take a shower and burn these clothes, please." On the way home all I could think of was how happy I was to be free again. I know it was selfish of me but jail is not a very... cheerful place to be. My thoughts ran the gamut of why they (Meaning the judicial system.) were out to hang me for a crime I did not, would not and could never commit to another human being. My parents must have felt my mood; they left me alone with my thoughts. Not a single word was spoken in the car all the way home. As we turned the corner onto the street our house was on, many of our neighbors including Claudia were waiting. More of the neighbors came from their homes as we pulled into the driveway. Claudia came running to the car yanking my car door open. As I came out, she engulfed me into her arms at the same time sobbing. "I'm so sorry they're doing this to you. It's all my fault!" She said as she cried. "No, it's not your fault." I said trying to reassure her. We stayed together that way as all the neighbors came to my parents and us giving their support. Claudia's parents Terri and Phil came also to us with sorrow in their eyes. "Son, I'm so sorry that this has happened to you and your parents. I never realized that you would be arrested due to the pressure I placed onto those people." Claudia's father said sadly on the verge of tears. Releasing Claudia I went up to him and gave him a hug. At a time like this who cares about the machismo crap. I hugged this man, as I would do to my own father, which he returned. I had no contempt or anger for Claudia's parents for their actions. I would have done the same if I had a daughter and she was pregnant from a rape. He wanted justice for his daughter, only the scales of the blind lady where off balance and I was hanging from them. When he released me, everyone seemed to close in on me giving me the support that I needed. Mr. Markowitz from across the street came to me handing me a check saying, "We, all your neighbors haven't really known you or your family for that long of time. We all feel that there has been some type of mistake. You've proven to us that you have a kind and generous heart. "When you moved into your house, you always helped around the neighbor's homes when they needed it. You never expected or asked for anything in return for your help. You where always there for Claudia when she was in the hospital. "We decided we all wanted to help you. With this check, we asked your Mother and Father to hire an additional Private Investigator through your attorney, Mr. Shapiro. At this moment that man is at work for you on this case." I was astounded to say the least. The outpouring of love was evident in all the eyes of those that were present. My emotional factor was at its peak. I was so overwhelmed I was crying. Gazing around I happened to notice that a Video Camera was visible. There was a lady holding it with another lady holding a boom style microphone. These ladies were wearing vests that were from the local television station. They managed to get closer to me. "Dad, How come they're here?" "I don't know, but I'll find out." Dad said as he walked toward them. Claudia her Mom, Dad, and my Mom stayed by my side. Little by little the neighbors left going back to their homes. I thanked each one of them for their support. I could see my Dad talking to the television station Newscrew. Every once in awhile they would pan the camera in my direction. This didn't bother me at all, as long as I was left alone. Dad finished with them, coming back to us saying, "Mr. Shapiro was the person that called them. They asked some questions which I answered for Jaime. They were amazed by the support the neighbors showed for him. I believe we now have some members of the electronics media on our side." "I just wish this was over. All of you know I didn't do what they're saying I did." *** "We all know you didn't do anything to Claudia. Even the neighbors know it! Mr. Shapiro would not have taken your case if he had the slightest inkling you were guilty or lied to him. That man is very perceptive when it comes to someone that lies to him." Claudia's Dad said as he brought Claudia and me closer to him. My parents have always loved me. There was never any problem that has ever arisen that I felt I couldn't speak to them about. They seemed to know my moods better then I. I could feel that same type of love being generated from Claudia's parents. I excused myself from everyone's attention claiming to need a shower and a change of clothes. What I really wanted was to sterilize myself from the smell of that jail. Within thirty minutes I had showered and changed into fresh clothing. With the lingering smell of jail gone from my body, I took my dirty clothes out to the laundry room. I placed them into the washer with just two fingers holding them. They reeked from with that jailhouse smell! As my clothes were being washed, I went to the kitchen adjacent to the laundry room. I was famished! I had just finished Nuking my sandwich when my two Moms' and Claudia walked in. As I sat at the table feasting on a Italian roast beef sandwich, Sport Peppers, gardiniere on Italian Bread and a diet Pepsi. "We thought we heard you in here. While you were in the shower Mr. Shapiro telephoned. He wants you to get a new suit for court." My Mom said smiling. "C'mon sweetie, finish your sandwich and we'll take you." My adopted Mom said also smiling. "C'mon Little Bro', Scarf it down." Claudia said with a smile. In a way, I was looking to get away from the house. I still felt a bit claustrophobic after my ordeal. The idea of being by and with other people seem to calm me. *** The three women sat with me as I ate. I truthfully answered all their questions about my night in jail. They were appalled as to the conditions and my treatment. They could also see I was very uncomfortable about speaking of my experiences. The subject was eventually dropped to my relief. I was finishing my sandwich and soda as they talked about the mall. I just know this is going to suck! I wanted to just stay at home in some ways but in other ways as I said I needed to get out amongst people. Our Dads somehow had managed to get out of this excursion by running off to the golf course. They too needed a diversion from the past events. They seemed to know that our Moms could handle buying me a suit with taste. We had made it to the mall in just over 30 minutes. The parking areas were somewhat full closest to the stores. We didn't mind the long walk to the main entrance. Once inside we headed to the largest men's shop there. After trying on ten or twenty suits, my mother made a decision which ones she liked. I had to concur with her taste. At last, we all made a decision on a dark gray double-breasted pinstripe with a reversible vest suit. The clerk said it would be ready in about two hours, as it needed to be altered to fit me better. While the clerk was speaking my stomach was gurgling. When we departed the shop, I had noticed a group of about six young men pointing and watching us. They looked to be in their late teens or early twenties in age and well dressed. I didn't say a word to Mom about them. "Let's all go in here. They have a sixty percent off sale on everything from their summer stock." Mom said as I groaned inside. "Mom why don't you go ahead without me." "What's the matter? You always used to go in the stores with me before." "I need to be excused. Those Sport Peppers combined with the gardini?re is really getting the best of me. I'll meet you at the coffee shop." "Are you sure you'll be okay, Sweetie?" "Sure Mom." When I left them Mom had a worried look on her face. I was more concerned about finding the lavatory. I had to stop a security guard and ask directions to it. Within a matter of minutes, I was seated in a stall relieving myself. I was cleaning myself up when the locked door suddenly flew open hitting me very hard on the head. The blow partially stunned me; all I heard was a male voice say the word rapist. That one word caused me to want to fight. I couldn't fight as I was dragged from the stall with my pants and underwear around my ankles. "Yeah it's him! The one on the news we saw that raped that girl." A blond haired boy said as he hit me in the stomach. "You Fucking Scumbag! Your no better then a sack of shit." A dark haired boy said hitting me in the eye with his fist. One after the other beat me throughout my body until I was on the verge of unconsciousness. I hurt in more places then I could imagine. The onslaught of their punches continued to batter my small body. I fought to stay conscious! I wanted to remember each and every one of their faces. I could barely see, due to my eyes being swollen almost shut. The pain was very intense throughout my body. There was pain in the area of my rib cage. Either several of my ribs were bruised or broken. I had a difficult time breathing at times even gasping for air. I had blood coming from my nose, mouth and distended lips. I was next forcibly put to my knees. Oh no! I thought they want me to fellate them. Was I ever wrong! They each took their turn raping me leaving their sperm deposits deep in me ripping my sphincter muscle apart. *** They also raped my swollen mouth and throat with their penises, making me swallow their sperm. They did this in pairs one raping me from behind and another raping my mouth. Oh please, someone help me. Stop these animals! Please! My mind seemed to go blank. Time had stood still for me. I tried to fight one of my attackers by biting down on his cock. That seemed to make that person more aggressive. He stuck his swollen member deep into my throat causing me to gag hard. I remembered them sitting atop me. I remember excruciating pain throughout my body centering in the groin area. Darkness enveloped my semi-conscious mind. I was at last saved from further pain and degradation as I passed out from the internal injuries I had received. I was partially conscious when I heard a voice try to comfort me. The pain! The excruciating pain! The taste of blood and semen! Time stood still! "It's alright now, the ambulance is coming. Lie still, don't move. We got those bastards! They'll hang for what they did to you." Again, my mind went into darkness. There was no pain in this darkness just a soothing sensation. Although I did see a bright light, seemingly come to the edge of this darkness. What did they do to me? Am I dead? Where are my parents? Why is there no noise? I seemed to be still floating instead of walking. I was headed toward a bright light. As I edged closer, the light appeared to be getting further away. The darkness was once again closing in. Perhaps I wasn't ready to leave this plane of existence. My essence was still earthly bound! I heard a voice, no voices! It was my mother. I heard another voice it was Claudia. I heard other sounds of men and a woman talking too. It was both our parents. I am alive! It was at this time I started to choke from the tube going from a machine to my lungs. It was a ventilator helping me breathe the air of life. I coughed which brought pain to my body. I seemed to have caused a commotion. I could hear that there were people running from all over the place. I couldn't see with my eyes! Was I blinded? No, those are bandages covering them. I heard many machines nearby making a vast multitude of electronic noise. I felt the tube being extracted from my mouth relieving the pressure that was in my chest. My heart seemed to be racing. Good, it was slowing! It was then that I heard the beeps matching my beating heart. I was hooked up to a cardiac monitor. I was in a hospital! I was alive! I tried to talk but no words would come. "Jaime, don't try to talk yet. Give your throat a rest for a bit." I heard a sweet young feminine voice say. "Jaime this is Gloria, I work with your Mom, sweetie. You're in the Intensive Care Unit. You came to us by Medevac Helicopter after your assault. You almost died on us; you really gave us a scare. You've been in a coma for two weeks. Now please rest, you're amongst the living again." Gloria said touching my hand with a gentile yet firm hand. My Lord! Coma! Two weeks! Almost died! What the hell happened to me? Then it came to me in a rush. I relived every waking moment of my degradation at the hands of my assailants. I relived the pain! Oh lord the pain! I still felt it! It was then that I realized how much pain I still had. Although it was deadened by the medication coming through the I.V. line, it was still felt. "Jaime Honey, I placed a Call Button right next to your right hand. If you need anything, please press the button. Do you think you can swallow? Just move your head." Gloria said. I shook my head to tell her yes. My mouth was dry and my lips felt cracked. She placed a few ice chips into my mouth. She then wiped my lips with a swab that contained glycerin and tasted like lemons. This lady was the best! "I have to check on a few other patients but I'll be back and stay with you until your mother comes back." Gloria said. *** By the time Gloria came back I had finished my ice chips. I raised my hand very slowly to my mouth motioning to her I wanted more. I savored the coolness of that ice that melted in my mouth giving life back to my chemical filled body. I may have even cracked a small smile. I heard movement coming through the door of my room turning my head slightly at the sounds. "I see that your hearing has not been affected. I'm Doctor Carolyn Ward one of your attending physicians. Would you like those bandages taken off your eyes?" I nodded my head indicating yes. In a few minutes all the bandages were removed. Everything was still out of shape and focus. It was still terribly dark in the room to complicate matters. I did manage to see some movement. That in itself was better then not seeing at all. "Okay Jaime I'm going to be shining a bright light into your eyes. I want to see if there is any damage and how your eyes are healing. Okay?" I nodded my head again as she pulled an Otoscope from her pocket and adjusted the head of it after turning it on. I may not have been able to see too clearly but when that high intensity light hit my right and then my left eye it made me jump. It was at this time that I felt a great deal of movement and additional weight in my chest area, which I couldn't see yet. I wasn't ready to start exploring my body yet to see if I had all my parts. "Jaime there doesn't seem to be any permanent damage to your eyes. I want you to wear these glasses for a few days. They'll help you to focus and insure that the sunlight doesn't do any damage. I imagine in a few days you'll even be able to read again." Doctor Ward began to unwrap something, placing them on my face. I could feel that the lenses were of a large oval shape similar to fashion sunglasses worn by women. I could care less what they looked like if they protected my eyes so I could see again. "Okay Gloria, let a little light into the room." *** With those words the light came streaming into the room. I managed to make out some shapes even though everything was blurred and a bit fuzzy. Gradually the fuzziness seemed to come into focus. Things seemed a bit dark but I could see. I smiled a bit. "I take it you can see a little better." I just nodded my head yes. I motioned for a pen and paper. I was getting tired but I still wanted to know precisely what happened. There were questions in my mind that needed to be answered. "Honey, I know you have questions but for now you need to recover your strength. There are many people that want to see you. For now they'll have to wait a few days." Gloria said taking one of my hands into hers gently. "Gloria is right, we want you to rest. Gain your strength first. I'll be back later to check in on you but Gloria will stay with you until your Mom comes. She sends her love to you." Doctor Ward said taking my other hand into hers. Gloria closed the blinds in the room. Not too much longer I was sound asleep. The medication in the I. V.'s making its magic taking me back to a dreamless sleep. *** I couldn't tell what time of the day or night it was when I awoke. I opened my eyes very slowly still wearing my dark glasses. This time I was able to see more normally. I even saw my mother sitting in a chair. I decided to try to speak, "Mom?" I said very softly in a raspy very weak voice. "Sssh Darling, I'm here. Do you want some water or ice chips?" "Water, please." Mom brought me a glass with a straw. I tilted my head to take the angled straw into my mouth drawing in the liquid. When I moved I felt that same sensation on my chest again. What the hell is it? They don't have me wrapped up! I don't feel constrained! I picked up the paper and pen writing: What's wrong with my chest? I'm numb between my legs! I really hurt! What happened? "Sweetie, we'll talk later when you are stronger. You almost died on us several times. You took a massive beating from those boys. Your body needs to rest now. Okay?" She said smiling and kissing my forehead. When she kissed me I felt a tear hit my face. I didn't know at the time, it was a tear of relief and joy. I watched as she adjusted the control valve on the I.V. bag. I was fast asleep in minutes with no pain. *** I was like this for several more days. Each time I woke up I was a bit stronger. Mom was pleased that I was progressing in my recovery. The doctors and nurses were also pleased. I was just happy to be alive! The pain was a reminder that I was alive as my medication was being lessened. As the medication was lessened, my nightmares came reliving my attack. I grew stronger day by day until I was moved to another room out of the ICU on to a general floor. I had a steady stream of visitors even when I was up there. Claudia, her parents, grand parents and my parents and grand parents came everyday without fail. All the neighbors came to see me. I noticed that when they spoke everyone's speech seemed to be guarded. This also included my doctors and the nurses. I couldn't take it anymore! "Mom, what is going on? Why are people acting so strangely around me? To coin one of your phrases, is my slip showing?" I knew something was not right when everyone surrounded me. Claudia, both Moms and Dads along with eight grandparents. They all had tears in their eyes. Was I going to die? What the hell was it? Mom was the first to speak saying, "Jaime we have never kept anything from you in your entire young life. We all love you dearly and always will. "This was the one time that we decided not to tell you everything because of your frail health." "Tell me what? Am I going to die or something?" "Sugar..." Oh shit, when Mom uses that endearment it was bad, real bad. I just knew I had to keep my composure. "Sugar, when those boys beat and assaulted you they took a part of you that could not be saved, mended or replaced. The doctors all tried but there was too much damage done." I interrupted saying, "What damage? What did they do?" "Sweetie, when we sent the Security Guards to find you those boys had beat you severely. I don't know how to tell you this but they also cut your penis and testicles off. The guards told me that they had actually shoved them into your mouth shutting off your breathing. You almost died from asphyxiation! You were also in shock not only from the rape but from the loss of blood." I began to cry as this disclosure was made to me. This was hard to believe that people could be as cruel as those boys had been to me. The thought occurred to me that I could never have children or to please a woman sexually. How would I urinate now, through a hose? May those Bastards die a harsh and terrible death. Did I really want them to die? Yes! Mom continued with sadness in her voice, close to crying herself by saying, "When the Paramedics arrived I was already in the restroom trying to stabilize you. The bleeding was stopped and your penis was packed in a wet towel. We assessed your trauma and decided to call for the helicopter. It would've taken too long to get you here by ground ambulance. "Doctor Groton took you to surgery as soon as you arrived, trying to reattach your penis. The testicles where smashed but they manage to find a donor set from a nearby hospital organ bank. He did everything he could but something went wrong they believed it was traumatic cellular and nerve damage or deterioration. It had to be amputated! "We were called back to the hospital and asked to make a decision on your behalf although, it is an experimental procedure. We did make that decision giving the surgeons our permission. We love you and wanted to see you have a normal life." "Mom, what are you trying to say? Don't beat around the bush! I'm a eunuch now aren't I?" "Sweetie, when you asked before if your slip is showing you took me by surprise. Now you'll have to wear them with your dresses." Did I just hear my Mom correctly? Dresses? That explains why I have a Foley catheter in me. I saw the name on the package it was wrapped in. Women normally are the only ones that Foley's are used on. Vagina! That explains the weight on my chest. That explains the added movement. Implants! Breasts! That explains the I.V. still in my arm. Hormones! That explains the pink hospital gown, robe and slippers. My mouth dropped! My brain went from neutral to Supersonic. My lord, I'm a girl! I was totally Speechless! "What's wrong lil' Sis!" Claudia said holding my hand tighter and kissing me on the cheek. "Claudia Marie!" Her mother said angrily. "Don't be mad at Claudia. I knew something was different when I woke up. I even said so to the doctors, nurses and Mom. I was being ignored whenever I asked a question! Am I angry the answer is yes! Why couldn't they wait for me to wake up and ask me? I was a male! I was a boy! What the hell am I now?" I screamed. "You weren't being ignored they were told by me not to say anything. I felt it was my job as your mother to tell you instead of a psychiatrist. We wanted to tell you sooner but we thought that mentally you weren't ready for another shock." *** My head was reeling from this disclosure. I felt betrayed! The anger flowed from my very depths! I didn't know what I should do first scream expletives, cry or pout. Maybe I should vent my anger onto everyone. No, I was alive! I survived every trial and tribulation placed before me. I felt as if I was normal. Perhaps this is how I should have been born. No I was a boy! I had always wondered what it was like to be a girl. I shouldn't think that way. I was a boy! Well now, I guess I'll find out what being a girl is all about. No! I couldn't accept that thought. I was born a boy! I am a male! "What are you thinking about Jaime?" Dad asked. I told them all what I just thought about. My anger! My Shame! My Embarrassment! I didn't want to be a girl! My life was useless! After they let me calm down a bit I decided to tell them how several times I got dressed in Mom's clothes. There wasn't a look of shock on anyone's face. I also told them I was curious, doing it only twice or at the most three times. Even though I did it I wasn't and didn't want to be a girl nor wear the clothing of a female. I was a boy! A boy! A boy! Mom had that look on her face of, Yeah, I know you did. Some boys have been known to do those things. You are a girl now and you will survive and live. Don't push your luck with me. I thought I better keep quiet, Mom was pissed. Mom could be a formidable enemy if pushed the wrong way. "Now I'm the only one that can be blamed for leaving the toilet seat up." my Dad said with a grin trying to lighten up the atmosphere. He immediately received an elbow to his ribs by Claudia's Mom. Claudia's Dad Phil, looked around the room at all of us and said, "I think my adopted younger daughter will adjust just fine." "You mean Our Adopted younger daughter." Claudia's Mom Terri said with a smile directed at me. *** I came to terms with my new self that day. I cried for my loss when they all left. I was in mourning! A part of me had died! I felt the complete range of emotions outpouring from my very depths of my life's essence, the sense of loss, shock, denial and depression and finally recovery. I still had a nagging suspicion that all was not told to me by them. I became closer to all the women that surrounded me. All of them have a wealth of personal knowledge to be shared with other younger females. I was the youngest! Wow, did I have a lot to learn! Did I have a lot of catching up to do! I didn't have much of a choice! As Mom bluntly put it saying, "You can learn the hard way by ridicule from strangers or learn the easy way with love from your family and mother." Over the next few days, the Foley Cath and I.V.'s were removed. They made me get out of bed to walk. They made me learn to use the bathroom commode sitting. I was shown how to stretch my new plumbing and how to use stents. I was taught feminine hygiene. They also taught me make-up and hair techniques. I even had to learn how to dress myself. Gloria was the one that came to teach and help me. I also found out she was only a few years older then me. She was only out of nursing school at the Junior College for about six months. ICU was only her second assignment at the hospital. She loved it! Gloria, Claudia and I became very close friends. Okay, like sisters! We pulled the information from Gloria that she was an orphan. She also had another job to pay for her schooling and loans. (Mom didn't even know that tidbit of information.) Gloria became our younger role model. She was there for me whenever Claudia and Mom weren't. We knew each other's fears, secrets, dreams, and of course aspirations. She schooled me in the ways of boys and men from a woman's standpoint. She instructed me what to do and not to do on dating, social skills she called it. Mr. Shapiro came to the hospital one day to see me. When he saw me, all he saw was a young girl in the bed wearing a revealing nightgown and robe. He had to take a second look and check the room number; he thought he was given the wrong room number at the visitor's reception desk. Mr. Shapiro had not seen me since my day in court. I was on the bed lying down after a stroll down the halls in my nightgown and robe. I had made sure that I applied the make-up and braided my hair as I was taught. All of these things combined left nothing to the imagination except FEMALE. The nightgown and robe accentuated my full B Cup breasts and abundantly large, no gigantic hips and ass. Mom decided that her new daughter was not going to wear hospital gowns any longer. She and Claudia's Mom went and bought a complete wardrobe for me. I was not pleased in the least! Apparently, I looked really good as one of the patients let out a wolf whistle that was very loud and shrill as I walked the halls for exercise. It was so loud that when I went by the Nurse's Station they all smiled saying I had an admirer. I went and lay down after that excitement and embarrassment. That's when Mr. Shapiro came to my room. "Jaime is that you?" "Hi Mr. Shapiro." "I guess it is you then. You're simply ravishing. Please don't tell my wife I said that. I'd be sleeping on the couch for a month. Jealousy! Oy Vay!" smiling, shaking his head and rolling his eyes. "I have some wonderful news for you that will make you feel better. We have some new evidence that was dug up by the PI's." Mr. Shapiro said handing me a report from the Investigators. He remained silent as I read it. After completing it I asked, "Does this mean I won't have a Trial?" "With all those depositions and the statements from the Technicians at the Crime Lab. The Prosecutors case just fell apart. This proves the evidence was tainted. A lab Tech was drunk on the job! Against policy! In view of all that has happened to you and the tainted evidence I will motion for a dismissal of all charges which the judge will grant immediately." "When do I go back to court?" "You don't, but I do. I'll see the judge this afternoon. By the way, do you know you have been the topic of every newscast since your assault? Have you talked to any Cops yet?" "I spoke to one about two weeks ago. He acted as if I had a disease or something. They won't turn on the radio or television in my room." "They know about the evidence. They also know they may be involved in a real heavy lawsuit or lawsuits for False Arrest among other things such as violations of Civil Rights. That one is for your neighbors. "I asked your Mom not to have either the Television or radio turned on. We didn't know what the news media were going to say but it appears that everything they have said about you is favorable. "Those boys that assaulted you were all arraigned this morning. I spoke to their attorneys, they're all pleading guilty to the charges. It appears that the mall had surveillance cameras in that washroom. Your attack was recorded on videotape. Visual Evidence!" The door opened as he spoke with another man entering in his fifties, balding and kind of portly. "Hi Josh, is this Jaime?" "Jaime this is Dan Kingston one of the PI's that did your investigation. He was also the person that found out about the cameras." "I just spoke to your Moms and sisters on the way up. They're great by the way and waiting outside. I just came from the courtroom. "Those creeps pleaded "Nolo Contendere" or No Contest. That's just another way of pleading guilty. We also found out they were members of a White Supremacist underground movement that has been under investigation by the Feds. "Those clowns are going to turn States Evidence in return for immunity from prosecution of crimes committed before yours. They're also asking for a lesser sentence in return for their rollover. The Feds say yes and the State says no. Who knows? "In addition, it might be that one of those supremacist idiots might be Claudia's real rapist. It seems they were into home invasions and burglary among other things. "I know this isn't a consolation for your pain, suffering and loss but you helped to put away some very nasty people that might have caused more suffering on a even grander scale. A terrorist is nothing more then a murderer." When he finished, he and Mr. Shapiro came to the bed and kissed my cheek. I was totally surprised! I wasn't used to this type of behavior or attention from any man. I blushed! I thanked the PI and Mr. Shapiro for everything as the two of them left the room. About twenty minutes after they left I was invaded again. This time by family! I told them what the PI and Mr. Shapiro said. I also told them what had happened. They laughed especially when I told them that I think I liked it. "You better get used to that. You're a woman now and for the rest of your life. Those men saw a pretty woman, visualization is everything." Mom said coming and sitting on my bed. "We have some good news for you too. We spoke to Doctor Ward; she's releasing you tomorrow. You get to come home! Isn't that great!" Home! I had forgotten what that was. "Hey girl, what's this we heard about a wolf whistle?" Gloria asked. "Yeah, we want to know!" intoned Claudia. I told them what had happened as I strolled the halls. I blamed it all on Mom as she was the one that bought and brought this nightgown and robe to the hospital. *** The gown accentuated my breasts with the lace just barely holding my new breasts in the cups pushing them together and up. The material of the gown was almost see-through. If I didn't wear panties I think you could see directly through it. The robe was so thin you could see through it also. My slippers were made of satin with a one and a half to two inch heel. She said I would have to get used to wearing things like this. I felt naked! "Hey Sis, get used to it. Men love it!" Claudia said laughing. "I'm not interested in men or to become their sexual fantasy. I'm really not interested in sex." "Tell us that in a few months after your first date, Honey. " Mom said. I looked briefly over to Claudia. There was something different about her. It was something I just couldn't place my finger on. Then I realized she was wearing maternity clothes. "Claudia turn around for me please." I was right she was wearing maternity clothes. I also could see she was showing largely. She glowed in her pregnancy. I started crying not knowing why. This was something new to me as I very seldom cried before. I jumped from the bed not caring if I was exposed. I wrapped my arms around her as I cried harder getting her blouse wet from my tears. "Jaime what's the matter?" Claudia asked starting to cry herself. "I just noticed how very pregnant you are." I said between sobs. "Well Sis, you better sit down again. Godmothers have to be strong for their goddaughters." Claudia said. Godmother? Goddaughter? Did I hear her right? I started to cry again. Our mother's, Claudia and Gloria came and held me. I was going to be the Godmother to Claudia's daughter. My tears were of joy, happiness and love. In some ways I wished that I were pregnant with her. What the hell am I saying? I don't know the first thing about children. I don't even have the right internal plumbing to have children. I don't even want to be with or near a man. I think! "Jaime would you go to Lamaze classes with me? I want you and Gloria to be my coaches." "Well I don't have a husband and you'll be her Godmother and Gloria her aunt. You'll also be there when Katie is born." Katie? She already named her baby Katherine. Katherine? I liked that name. That's my grandmother's name. It was totally feminine in nature. It fit! There was a knock at the door. A volunteer walked in carrying a large vase filled with red and white roses in it and a very large teddy bear. I moaned inwardly but the bear was cute. Cute? In the past weeks that I've been here I've received so many flowers and stuffed animals from so many people. The whole hospital resembles a flower shop and toy store. Many patients and children were made happy by this gesture. "Hi Jaime, more flowers and another bear for you. I think this one is serious." She said as she placed them down. The flowers went on the bed tray and the bear was placed on the bed. "Thanks Jennifer." Mom already went for the card, opening the envelope. I heard the intake of breath as she handed the card to Claudia's Mom. She just smiled as she in turn handed it to Claudia. "Well, Well, it looks as if baby Sister has a boyfriend." Claudia said as she handed it to Gloria. "Yep, she certainly does. Who's Michael Pallin?" "Gloria, he's that that hunk across the street you asked about. The boy I wanted to date before." "Oh No, you too! You're not setting me up with a date. With a boy? Absolutely and categorically not!" "Jaime Katherine! Now you listen to me young lady. You will be nice to this boy! You will go out on a date with him if he asks. You will act as a young lady should." Mom said angrily. "Jaime Katherine? You gave me Grandma's name for my middle name?" "Your name now is what we were going to name you when you were born if you were a girl. Now, stop trying to change the subject. Did you hear what I said?" "Yes, Mother Dear." "Do not patronize me dear daughter. I can still put you over my knee and bare that pantied ass of yours." First I had the shock of Claudia naming the baby, not after grandma, but after me. Next it was Mom laying down the law. Mom never spoke to me like that when I was a boy. She meant every word she said. Before, if I was in deep doo-doo, Dad would be the one to punish me. I knew that now the high heel was on the other foot. Mom was now my disciplinarian and not Dad. Oh Shit! Caution was now the word of the day. "Mother, I'm sorry." "Good!" Again there was a knock on the door. What was this room turning into a train station? Gloria went opening the door for Mr. Shapiro. "I'm sorry if I'm disturbing you and your discussion with your daughter." "We were that loud, Huh?" "Well they might have heard you out in the street." He said with a smile looking at all of us. "Oh Shit, there goes the rumor machine." Mom said. It was common knowledge that a rumor could traverse a hospital in milliseconds. There were no hidden secrets! Even the skeletons were out of the closets! As quick as a zipper could open or close the rumor was fired off. Mr. Shapiro pulled some official looking legal papers from his briefcase handing them to Mom. Mom looked at them giving them to Claudia's Mom, then Claudia, then Gloria and finally me. The first one was the Dismissal of all state charges against me. I was exonerated! The next one was for my name and sex changed with a new birth certificate issued. The third was the shocker! This one was an adoption certificate making Gloria truly my sister. The fourth was a court order giving legal guardianship and custody of me to Gloria and to Claudia's parents in the event of something happening to Mom and Dad. I noticed that the same judge signed all the orders. There were also several others laying the foundation of lawsuits against several agencies. These were filed with the county clerk. "Sorry it took so long but that prosecutor was adamant in not allowing for the dismissal of the charges. It was pointed out if he didn't agree he would also be named in the lawsuit against the state. Needless to say he saw my way. The state concurred with the dismissal of any and all charges. Jaime my dear there is no longer a Sword of Damocles being h