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Disclaimer: This story was written by a Brazilian. So English is not my native language (quite far from that). Still I am writing my ideas on paper. Reviews are welcome; just try not to be hard on the grammar. You may copy or quote, just credit me. What a Coffee... By Brazilian Amazon Chapter 1 - Just another visit to the mall It was like just another trip to the mall. I really liked to the mall, unlike my friend Harry who was always with me during these small trips. The local sports shop is really cool; I also liked the Levis store. Sometimes I asked myself why Harry would come with me to the mall, since he really tried to suggest different places. Maybe because he knew some of the best chicks in town were there, or maybe because he had really nothing better to do. We were not the most popular guys in town; we had a series of failures with girls that kind of bound us together. During this trip to the mall I was finding Harry, kind of strange, he was trying to take me to woman's section of a big department store. This was quite confusing for me as I tried to talk with him about it. He kept saying "I don't know why you are afraid of coming with me to these sections..." He could be gay, but I never had problems with the sexual orientation of the people I know, so I tried to be his friend. Of course, entering the girls area with a gay guy was out of the question. I told him, if he wished really hard to go to that area to buy "God knows what" he should go alone, and I could wait for him at the arcade. I was disappointed when he complied, I was trying hard not to believe he was a freak, but at least he was a freak with balls. I stayed a little longer watching the new jeans that just arrived, and looking from some distance at what my friend was doing. Deeply in my thoughts, I considered looking for new friends. How to look for chicks in the mall with a gay friend?? Still Harry was with me during key moments of my life. When I graduated High School, and all the girls I asked to the prom were only able to laugh at me, Harry didn't have a date too. And we were two losers. Bound by unpopularity, yet bound. Harry was always there, bad or good moments, we sure had great moments "hunting" in the mall. I was a little shyer than him (if that is possible), yet I always encouraged him into talking to new girls. I wasn't really ugly, just a regular guy, maybe a little short, but this has never been a problem for me. Harry was something different though, he was a really tall guy, and somehow goofy, he lacked some style. I had my problems with my style too; I really refused to wear suits and really formal clothing. I was fonder of a basic style, plain jeans, tennis and the like. During my puberty I really lacked acne and I was quite grateful for that, my skin was very untouched. Some would say I still look like a kid, as I also lacked some of body hair one would expect for a mid twenties guy. Of course I know everything was cool by the hair I had near my penis, and legs. But my biggest problem was, actually to date or keep a serious relationship with a girl. To tell the truth I was not a horny kind of guy, the type that only wanted to get laid. I needed a girl to be by my side, I actually needed it, as an unpopular guy at school I felt incredibly lonely most of the time. I carried the burden of being "the nerd". What is a nerd actually?? I knew I wanted to find the right Girl, and I was getting really afraid lately of never finding her. I was so desperately seeking one, that true love was no longer my target; my true love was somehow linked to an old school story. Mom kept telling me how dad found her in her 30s, and I had plenty of time to find the right girl for me. Nevertheless I was approaching the 30s and my mom's story had only a limited lifetime for me. Also I was living alone now, so I was getting more depressed than ever. Harry was maybe what was my only link to the "outside world". Lately he was pressing me more to go out, because he somehow knew I wasn't alright. I really liked the arcade, it really was one my favorite places of the mall, since I was almost a pro at the racing games. Sometimes people would gather to watch my performances, when I entered the place some already knew I was the guy that held some of the records there. The only problem is that there were almost no girls at these arcades. So I was trying to keep the video games at a minimum. I was trying to have a direct "approach" at my problem. Luckily, one of the days I was exiting the arcade I found maybe what was the one true love I ever had. Alicia, was one popular girl at school, we had some talks there, but she always dated Peter. Peter was "the" popular guy at school. I really hated the way he won all the girls; Alicia was only another one for him. Once during the school time I saw Alicia crying at the gym, as I suspected Peter wasn't the kind of guy that would call the next day. I thought hard of kicking his ass, but I was really short (especially at that time). Then I had this idea, that Harry, even somehow goofy, could teach him a lesson so I tricked him into believing Peter was going to beat me, and I was doomed. And for the first, and maybe the only time in Harry's life, he kicked some butt. Harry was never the same, I don't really know if he liked the fame he got shortly after or if he found out that I was lying and never talked to me about it. He looked at me in a different way since that day; I think this is what true friendship is about. When I met Alicia at the Arcade exit, she smiled at me, and approached me with a face I will never forget. I may resemble Forest Gump, but I swear that was the most beautiful face I ever saw. It was like I dreamed all my life of that face; of that smile, and of course I kept dreaming about it, until this day. Harry was sick at that time, and I was somehow thankful of that, so I could be alone with Alicia. She told me she was visiting her mom, and that she moved to Detroit, it was a 1 day only trip. It was 3 years since we last saw each other, she told me how she regretted of never dating me during school and she thought she owed me something for the "Peter Incident". I thought briefly about how Harry really deserved this credit, but at that time all I was thinking is that this was my finest hour. We went out and had dinner. When I woke up the next morning it was all like a big dream. But then back to the main event, I really spent some time outside the arcade, waiting for Harry, but I was not worried. Every time I exited the arcade I desired to see an image that never happened again. I was not waiting for Harry, I was waiting for Alicia, and I could wait forever. I never told Harry about the events that happened when he was sick. I was worried he would feel envious, and somehow this would break our partnership. I was thinking a lot during that day, I wasn't feeling so good; I thought that maybe this would have to do with new coffee brand I had brought. It really tasted strange, and just remembering it made me sick. Then I saw Harry with presents, I thought to myself that this was not common for Harry, this was a master move for a freak trying not to show up. He tricked all the salesmen into thinking he was buying the woman's clothes for his girlfriend. I was somehow glad too, since no one would notice I was his freak friend. I remember seeing something in the Internet about people that like dressing as a woman, but this is ridiculous. Harry was too big and goofy. And he had no style as a "regular" guy, so he should have no style as crossdresser too. Maybe I should talk to him about this, I though, and so I did. I was very shy at the moment; after all he was my best friend. "Harry why are you buying girls stuff? You know you can talk to me" "Why?? Are you worried or something?? Are you jealous??" Suddenly I thought of something I didn't think possible. Was Harry dating someone??? Maybe our status as losers was no longer true. I felt a mix of happiness and sadness; I still doubted I could find a right girl or maybe conquest Alicia in time. I was a little envious, yes. "Harry, you made it?? Are you dating someone???" "We will see about that, go to my place at 8 o'clock and maybe I'll let you know her!" Chapter 2 - What a coffee... When I got home, I turned on the television as I always did, and decided to take some medicine for my head. Also my stomach was not so good. Since I blamed that damn coffee I threw the bag out too. I was not going to miss Harry's finest hour, even though I have all kind of feelings about it. Some were quite confusing, maybe I should go after Alicia, but fear fueled my heart. Alicia did not call me ever again; neither did she leave a phone number. I though maybe she was married or something like that, or worse, maybe she did what all that for me only for compassion. Something on the television called my attention; it was a news story about the coffee I had taken this morning. They said that the coffee was somehow filled with toxins, but only a limited number of packages, as I tried to recover the coffee bag I noticed the trash man had already taken it. Since I was not feeling so good, I could only figure out that I took the coffee with the toxins. The woman at the TV also said the toxins were not lethal and gave a phone number for the company consumer line. Well I wrote the phone number down, and waited for the medicine to relief my headache status. Within an hour the headache passed away, but I continued to think of the present, past and future more than normal, way more than normal. Flashes and images of my life at school, Harry, and mostly Alicia flashed my head. This wasn't unpleasant, I was seeing and thinking of my life in different ways, and images of Alicia sure made me happy. Maybe it was that coffee, or maybe it was just the moment of my life that I was looking back at, trying to get a meaning for all that mess. Still I was lightheaded, at the time I thought I was lightly drugged. I got ready to go to Harry's home, then something really weird happened. Suddenly I saw Alicia and Harry in my living room. They were at my sofa, and talking. I really couldn't understand what were they talking about; it was like a different language. As I approached and hailed them, they vanished in a flash. Maybe I was getting crazy, or possibly the coffee company was not telling the truth about the effects of their product. It was my first Illusion ever, I was afraid, but I also made memory of some Internet sites talking about how common illusions can be, given the right factors. I prayed that this was the only illusion that I would have. Later I was to find out, that this prayer was in vain. But I proceeded to Harry's house; since I was somehow delusional I almost crashed my car, to tell the truth I was a real danger to anyone driving near me. I didn't have any illusions during the drive, thankfully, but my mind was, more than ever in a mix of periods of my life. I saw Peter slapping Alicia in one thought, that really angered me. I also thought about the hundreds of times that girls really laughed at me when I tried to ask them out. Once I tried to approach one of the few girls that I could find in the arcade, I thought that maybe similar interests could help in these approaches and she answered, "What? Now do you think just because you play that thing like a world champion, I am going to join you in your fantasies???" This one really didn't make much of a sense, for me that girl was drugged. Still the look on her face was the kind of look that shocked, that one flashed me every time I saw a girl at the arcade. Since then I never tried the same approach again. As I arrived to Harry's place, I was unhappy not to see another car nearby. I thought that maybe his plan went wrong. And at that time I really wished the best for him. I guess that made me a real friend. Nevertheless I rang the bell. When Harry opened the door he was in a suit, this was new to me, Harry in a suit?? Maybe the first time... I couldn't tell. And for the first time, he had some style too. He was clearly happy, and anxious. He told me to get in, as I did, total confusion and surprise awaited me. Chapter 3 - A strange kind of love My head flashed once again, as I confirmed what I first saw. Harry's table was made for two, with candlelights. And deluxe plating, I never knew Harry had such a cool set for diner. Also there was a bottle of champagne. This was totally uncommon for my friend. I quickly thought how cool this setup was before entering a loop of thoughts that would take me trough all kinds of conclusions. I never feared that until now, Harry was indeed gay, a crossdresser and was trying to catch me. How could my best friend be gay and I never suspected it until this day at the mall? I thought how Harry cared for me during the "Peter" incident, and it made some sense. Still a gay guy would hardly start a fight. And we read playboys at school, I remember Harry jerking off with one of these. Is a gay guy capable of doing it?? I saw his face change from happy and anxious to worried looking to me. But I couldn't really do anything at the moment, I was really immersed in thoughts about our partnership, and how I cared about it, a good friendship. I was beginning to feel betrayed, he was only interested in my body, he wasn't really my friend, he just didn't have the guts to face me and tell the truth. This one passed, as I remembered the moments of suffering I was with him. These moments were true ones, being a gay guy is not exactly easy, and he could have fallen for me recently. That would explain the recent change in events, maybe he was forcing me out not because of my upcoming depression, but because he was trying to tell me something. I really cared about him, obviously not the way he cared about me. I thought how hard was for me to talk to Alicia during that great night, and compared my situation to his. "What should I do now??" If I was to get mad with him, it would be bad for both of us, he would lose his newfound love, and I was loosing my only friend, I doubt mom would come to convince me to get out of bed. And to "get a life". I decided to talk about it, like we always did, like friends. So I sat down at his sofa, I couldn't hide my face, but I sure wanted to, since my face was destroying all that was left of Harry's initial happiness. When I sat down another flash, just like the one I had at my living room happened. This time, Instead of Harry I found Alicia standing right where he was, I figured out that this was the pattern of the "damn" coffee. "That's all I need now". I thought, still, it was Alicia, I mean, my Alicia, she was beautiful, she wasn't wearing anything like a dress but she was simply beautiful. I couldn't take my eyes off Alicia, deep inside I knew it was probably Harry and I was delusional, but it didn't matter. Alicia had a sad face, she looked kind of shocked. Her face messed with me and made me instinctively worried. As I looked her with more care, she looked back, her eyes, were so deep. She fainted a little smile as I smiled back, as Alicia sat down in front of me the flash ended. I was sad, It was like a drug to me, I knew she wasn't there, I knew it was an illusion, still I wanted more. Harry was there again, he was smiling a little bit too. 'I have smiled for him, now things will get more complicated, I should be careful, very careful.' I thought as Harry started to speak. "You know, I always liked you as a friend, I really did, but after we've been together, I became more and more in love with you, I can't help it, sorry." Harry said with some sadness in his voice. I decided to take the peaceful way. "Harry, You are my really best and maybe only friend, I really care for you, but as a friend! I'm really sorry if this hurts you." I saw Harry cry before, but this time, my heart was heavy, I felt guilty, and I knew I shouldn't. He continued. "I know you like girls, I always knew, how couldn't I?? The way you look at them, you even have the guts I haven't to approach them. You are so brave; I think that's why I love you so much. In the beginning I found cool to be with you looking for girls, it was serious fun! It was worth even the problems we had at school. But I feel deep in my heart that I have a chance. I want you to talk with me about it, open hearted, we always talked, please don't make this time different." Poor Harry, I think he somehow envies my heterosexual status. It must have been hard for him to force himself to look at girls; maybe he did it just to make me happy, and to know me better. He was right about the school, it was worth it, we had some great moments. Once we were sent to the principal, and he looked kind of afraid to punish me for talking some dirty things to one of the girls. When he told us about the school policy of avoiding civil actions against it, we almost laughed at him, this guy was "Mr. Paranoiac" in person. Harry was right, as most times, I decided to talk him out of it with calm and compassion. But I was loosing my hopes to retain my friend, yet I did not want to hurt him. "Harry, I am happy for you to come out, I really am. I think the worst thing we could do is to live up a lie, the last days have been quite strange for me. I noticed the increased attention I got from you, and to tell the truth I never really needed it so much. I was really sad, since I got away from home I began to fell depressed. Yet Harry as you said, I am heterosexual. And I don't know a thing that can change this, believe me if you were a girl, we would marry for sure." As I finished the sentence I knew something was not right, Alicia. She was just there; she looked at me with her deep eyes, the ones that made difficult to talk just about anything. I was sorry to think of the "girl" Harry as a second option, but he was. "You know, I really wished I was a girl, so I could stay with you. It's not my place to treat you as heterosexual or homosexual, you always referred to yourself as heterosexual and I never said anything about it, Just don't treat or look at me as if I were a Freak, I never did this to you. Even during your worst times at school and even at mall. People would laugh at you, but I wouldn't, never. I just love you... that's all..." He was right, he was always there, I was a failure and sometimes my failures were the kind of ones that called unwanted attention. He asked and I complied, I shouldn't call him homosexual. Things were starting to get better. Chapter 4 - A strange kind of present Harry offered himself, as he always did, to get some drinks. This time though, he got some champagne. I loved champagne, I thought briefly if I should expect some kind of combo effect from the coffee I had taken, but this night was just too heavy for me to refuse some alcohol. As I started to drink it, Harry talked, after a few minutes of silence. "You know, I really hoped I could make it, I was never so sure in my entire life. Something was beeping inside me telling me I should try it." Poor Harry... "I really think you did the right thing Harry, there's no point in living a lie, as I said earlier. Do you think we could still be friends??" "That's a hard one, I really don't know. I think yes, to whom will I talk to?? The Walls???" Of course I knew Harry shared the same kind of loneliness I did, this was his way to tell yes. I was happy... For the rest of the time I enjoyed Harry's high quality goods, with some guilt I must confess, all this stuff, this was supposed to be given for his boyfriend, not the "friend he loved". I really thought I could carry that burden. The food was all burnt, and tasted like nothing, Harry lost his "style insight" as he got drunk. I can't say I did any different. As I suspected the alcohol did not fit well with the already present toxins in my body. I became delusional several times during the dinner, and liked very much, as Alicia was there. I spoke once, and Harry heard, to his disbelief. "Alicia, I love you." "What are you talking about???" "I'm sorry, I think I am just too drunk, I am talking things without any sense." "You know you are funny sometimes... Maybe we should stop drinking." I really didn't want too, as I needed to see Alicia more and more. But I did so, I didn't want to talk about this again with him, he was already sad. As he took the rest of the champagne inside, he returned with the presents he bought earlier. "You know, I really think you should keep them, I bought them for you..." As I opened the packs, that held a card that read "with endless love..." What I thought it was impossible happened again, I was shocked, maybe for the third time in one day. There was a black dress... As I left the box aside. I looked down and once again I was in several places at the same time. My head was back at the school, and I saw Alicia in her prom dress, in fact I never saw it, as I wasn't there. I saw Peter again, this time he was fucking Alicia hard without any compassion in his eyes, I could tell Alicia was not liking it, but the next day, she would cry because of it. This was interesting; I was seeing things from a third perspective, like a camera in the wall. But I did not control the movement, and the things I saw, some caused me envy, like the sex between Peter and Alicia. Others were pretty confusing. I was interrupted by Harry almost yelling at me... "Hey!! Are you alright??" As he held my shoulders... "Yes, I am really strange, what a day..." "You tell me, I know you don't like fancy clothing, but I thought maybe you would open an exception for me... So what do you say??" It was hard to believe at first, but he was serious, maybe it was the alcohol somehow I doubted it. He wanted I to be his crossdresser?? Or Panty Slave?? I really didn't know much about it. I have to think more about it, I have to gain some time... "Listen, I have to go to the bathroom, I'll be back in a minute, okay?" As I stood up he interrupted me, to my disbelief. "Wait a minute..." He ran though the kitchen and went back with some paper, to my relief... "You'll need this." "Ah, thanks" I tried to relax a little. I needed that time to focus; my mind was not functioning properly. I thought hard of running away, but what kind of man would do it?? I tried once again, to focus... in vain... Chapter 5 - Am I dreaming?? I was thinking of the image I had of Alicia being fucked hard by Peter. I was really envious; at least she was happy I thought. Suddenly when I was washing my hands, I saw her again, this time, in the mirror. I thought really hard at that moment of seeking professional assistance as soon as possible. Or at least give a time so those nasty toxins would go away. I kept looking at her, of course I did... I was interrupted by Harry knocking at the door, asking: "Hey, are you okay in there??? It has been almost half an hour, I was starting to get worried..." "I'll be out in a minute." I said goodbye to the beautiful image and opened the door. "Hey Harry, as I told you, I am seeing things today, I drank some spoiled coffee earlier today, I'll be alright don't worry." "Geez, that's terrible, listen, I know you didn't like the dress, you really don't have to wear it, I am sorry." "You don't have to be sorry, I know you did it thinking of the best, I am sure of it." Of course this was still very strange... suddenly I saw a flash, following the same pattern from the delusional ones, but this time it was much more powerful. This time I was, at my school, at my place. This was the day I found Alicia crying in the gym, I remembered it quite well. I was felling very, very anxious, and that was something I didn't remember. Suddenly a thick fog covered all the room, the lights were slowly fading, and almost in complete darkness, a dark figure entered trough the class door, almost everyone at the class acknowledged him as some kind of demi-god, as the dark being walked, fear, anger, sadness, waved though my body. I couldn't help, but to cry... As the class was in shadows, the dark being waved a quick look to me. I could stay there no more; I had to go, so I simply ran away. As I went far from the school the darkness was slowly fading, and I saw a safe heaven, As I approached my house, I felt my arm being pushed... As I turned I saw a familiar figure, before I could really look at it I flashed again, I heard Alicia echoing in the mists, but this time I woke up in my bed. This time I heard my mom crying, the door was closed, but I could hear it. As I tried to get up, the door opened with a bam, and I saw the figure of my dad, he was screaming, and yelling at me, I couldn't move I was very afraid. And I couldn't understand a word. I never had a nice image of my father, that one was no different, I faintly remember him. Mom said dad left us when I was still very young, she never told me why though. "That's when I woke up in here doc. What's your name again???" Chapter 6 - A new home "Doctor Victor, you know, that's quite a story, I am convinced that the coffee you took wasn't really affected by the toxin problem. You had a breakdown, and you are very lucky that your friend took you here as soon as possible; the chemistry in your body was going crazy. That's due to the alcohol not the coffee. This hospital does not have the know-how to treat your condition you are being transferred to another institution later today. I seriously recommend that you rest now," As I sat and looking though the window, looking for, maybe Alicia. I thought that since the coffee was not spoiled, and I was delusional, my condition was very much worse than I first concluded. Maybe they gave me something while I was dreaming, but I was sure felling a lot better. "You know Mr. Petterson, it is an interesting condition, you never suspected it???" "Yes I did doctor, but I didn't, though that was possible, for me it was as common as you can see." "I am confident the recovery will be a good one, you could follow the ambulance if you like, the hospital I am recommending is somehow inaccessible, that's for the best." The ambulance was too much equipped for my liking. Those reinforced walls, soundproofed, and gave me the creeps. The nurse tried to calm me down, telling me that I was not going to be in handcuffs or anything like that. I guess that's okay. The trip took ages, As I looked to the city vanishing in the horizon, I thought about my life there, the school, mom, Harry, even the girl from the arcade. As we arrived once again in the coastline we took a boat, I noticed some other cars with us, but everyone stayed away from our car, for obvious reasons. I cried a little, but not much, I knew my place was here. As we arrived in a small town in some kind of island, the weather was clearly going to change, we hurried to a place outside town, the sign read "Guntker Asylum". I was expecting something more like the Arkham but instead I found a new building with a helipad, and lots of tech stuff. As we entered the underground of the main building, the nurse briefed me. "Dr. Silverstone is going to receive you, he's an expert at his field, maybe one of the best. This is a high profile institution, and people pay a lot to be here. But they found your particular case interesting, I shouldn't talk to you about this, but if you make too much trouble they may send you to the state hospital, I would not recommend it." I tried to keep that in mind since I was trying to keep my stay in any institution to a minimum. As we arrived, a thin a small figure was waiting for me near the entrance, by his side, two plus size nurses. I made another mental note not to make any trouble. The figure of this man was a peculiar one, his glasses were almost falling in the ground. Maybe this was a mind trick to call my attention; nevertheless Dr. Silverstone was an interesting fellow. "Hello there, I am Dr. Silverstone, you are my guest as long as you like, it is important to notice that at this time we have no state power over you. But I understand you wish to be treated, am I right?" "Yes" "Okay, then, let's start, what's your name??" Chapter 7 - Look at me... "My name, huh... I really can't remember" I tried really hard, but this may sound funny, I did not thought about it since waking up at the local hospital. "Don't worry, that's expected, don't get upset or something like that, we have a lot of work to do, please come with me to the office." As I walked with Dr. Silverstone I noticed lots of restricted areas, and some big nurses guarding those areas. I had to go to the bathroom, and I asked the doc for it, he told me to call him or any nurse if I had any problems in the bathroom, not to be shy or anything like that. Well I thought I was crazy, but I could still go to Bathroom without any probs. As I walked backwards following the signs, I saw another delusion, when I walked down one corridor I saw Harry standing, immobile, looking at me, it was like he was not there. When I blinked he vanished, I went back to my urgent matters at the bathroom. As I entered, I saw the mirror image again, it was her. But this time, I wasn't so goofy, I could move, and she would graciously make her way with me. I saw no other problem with these new delusions, just made a mental note to tell the Doc. I made my necessities, finished to clean me up, and went back to the course. As I walked inside Silverstone office, I noticed a statue, it was a centaur. Noticing my interest at the statue the doc, told me that it represented the mix, the confusion, the best of both, and a lot of other things. He also told me that these mix, was his PhD writing. I was interested, and somehow tried to connect to my reality. As I sat down the doc started talking. "So, let's forget about your name for now. I do think your case is unique, and I am really interested in you. This is going to be a challenge, for both of us, do you understand?" "Yes." "I will force you to talk about things you don't like, some of these will cause pain, others will make you happy. Eventually we will breakthrough and everything will be clearer for you. I can't really say how long it will take, as I said earlier, your case is kind of unique. Is this acceptable to you?" "Are you saying to me that I can stay here forever doc??" "This is not probable, but it is possible. I have patients that are here for a long, long time, I can't disclose anymore than that. I will see you almost everyday. You'll live in a room with free access to the outside; you can't enter the restricted areas though. If you get violent or behave in an unacceptable way, you will be transferred, understand?" "I guess I already noticed that, thanks for making it clear though." "Okay I will start with some new medicines, you may not like what you will see or feel. Yet I guarantee that this is the best and possibly only way. Go with the nurse, she will show your new room. If you have any problems, call a nurse, she will know how to get to me." "Okay." As I went though my new home I noticed other people that could walk free too, I really had another image of a place like this. As I looked to the mirror I was somehow sad to find myself again. Then I started to take the medicines, shortly afterwards I felt at sleep. Chapter 8 - The haunting As I woke up, I felt different. It was clearly the first time in my life I felt that way. Somehow the world changed, it was like looking down the table, you can only look clearly down the table, ignoring the top of it. My old perception of the world was obscured. I knew this was good, but I was finding it very hard to adapt. I waited for my interview like a windows loading time. Counting the seconds. When the nurse came for me, I was surprised to hear a different voice than the one I remembered. Later I found out that the doc also had a different tone. I told my entire story with details to the doc, we spent almost 4 hours into that; he was somehow amazed by my details. I was sure he didn't expect so many details. "Did you see any illusions today?" "Not yet doctor, but they appear without warning." "I see. Did you have any more friends at school, others than Harry?" "No I tried sometimes to talk to others, but they treated my like shit, I guess that's part of being a nerd." "You know nerds have some friends, out of the school, even nerds get to find their groups, so are you a computer freak then?" "I like to navigate the Internet, but I guess I am not a freak." "Some would say that would count you out as nerd, but lets pass on that." The doctor got a book and started to take notes, I really thought that was movie stuff. "Tell me about Alicia, do you have any additional information on her, other than what you already told me?" "Not really, it is really true that I am afraid she might not want me at all." "Have you ever thought of the possibility she might be a ghost? She haunts you all the time, isn't that possible?" "A ghost that I love, also she was at the school, ghosts don't take classes, do they?" "You know, maybe she is dead. Maybe she is haunting you, you don't know what happened after the classes, others don't too." "I thought you were a doctor, you are trying to convince me into believing into ghosts?? What's this doc??" "No one saw her ever again, and if I told you she is dead, what would you say??" "I would say that I am more crazy than I first thought, but nevertheless I don't think I am seeing ghosts." "That's good, you know, I had to test you, to see how much you are believing... She is not dead, but do you remember when you were with Alicia, was there any other person around?" "Not really doc, but I am not the kind of guy that has company you know, even at school." "You see, Harry was never there too, why is that?" "I can't really say, I think I never wanted to break our bond in the looser field." "Maybe you were trying not to make Harry jealous about Alicia?" "Listen Doc, I am not homosexual, that's final, I am sorry if you don't like it." "That will be all for today, see you again tomorrow." I thought of that as a message for not being so hard with answers. As I was trying to get cured, I wouldn't do that again if possible. I was pretty tired, plus the medicine and you get a dreamer, which was what happened that night. I dreamt again, this time, I saw Harry punching Peter, and Alicia smiling at him for that. I didn't remember that, and when I woke up I was glad to remember my dream so I would tell the doc, that I sure remember Alicia and Harry together. That question really kept me thinking during the day. Maybe I was sure Alicia would never stay with me, but Harry should know her nonetheless. I walked a little at the hospital while waiting for the doc. The Island was pretty well equipped with communications technology, but only some could use things like Internet and even phones. You need a doctor approval for that. I didn't have Alicia number, but I could use a call to Harry. I was trying to stay at the "expensive place" so I hadn't even bothered about trying to phone. The restricted areas made me curious too. Who wouldn't be? Also, 1 hour looking at the grass and you want to do something. I was beginning to fell anxious again. Chapter 9 - The awakening "That's it doc, they were there, both of them..." "I have a thought question for you, this is important, please think carefully, where were you at that day??" "I was there too, me Alicia and Harry, that's it." "Are you sure?? You saw yourself in the dream too??" "To tell the truth no, but I remember being there, isn't that sufficient?" "Can you remember where were you standing at that given time?? Do you remember the view you got from the fight?" "Yup, why?" "Were you at the spot you saw Alicia in your dream?" "Humm... I think you are right doc, but what does this mean?" "Who are you??" "Are you saying to me that I am Alicia?? How is that possible??" "Tell me, have you ever peed with your penis while standing??" "No, I know of some people who pee standing up, but its not uncommon for a guy to sit and pee is it??" "It is uncommon, but they don't clean the penis after doing it with a piece of paper." "That's gross... How's it possible!?" "You see you would be delusional by now if you were not on medicine, you faced situations like that in your life, people faced you with facts that are not always easy for you. You have gaps in your memory, serious gaps. You made stories to fill them, that's perfectly normal, you should not be ashamed." "That's hard to believe, but I couldn't say it makes some sense, but Doc, how can I say you are not tricking me into believing what you want, just because I have those gaps." "That's an intelligent question, the answer you have to find by yourself. I am really sorry; it will be harder from now on. You will start to flash again, but this time will be different. It will get hard. But you are doing well." To be continued... Authors note: I recommend reading the story again with a different perspective (Alicia's). The tips are all there.