Tommy
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Tommi free porn video
Tommi
By r.gold
By fourteen, I had come to realize that my home life was
tedious experience. A zealous father who felt that religion
and God's will would take care of our needs. A beautiful
mother who believed in the sanctity of marriage and
obedience to her husband. And I was an only child with no
one else to bear witness to the turmoil.
I was always the brunt of my father's anger and
frustration. I would hear his raging daily.
"That kid is a freak of nature. This is God's punishment
for me marrying you, Katherine. God is telling me that I
should have married a believer."
"Now, Thomas. You and I both know that he is still young.
The doctor said that he would catch up to the other boys in
time. Don't torment yourself this way."
"He's a deviant. Fourteen years old and no sign of balls!
He looks like an eight year old! My own son?"
"Honey, the doctor said that his testicles are still there
inside his body, just not in his scrotum. He's told you
that. He's even offered to perform the surgery to help them
drop."
"Martha, if that's his body, that's his body. It's God's
will. I don't believe that we should fool with the lord's
decisions. Surgery is the devil's tool. If the boy is meant
to be a man, it will be God's decision. I just think he's
is punishing us for our sins. Or maybe he is punishing us
because the child is from your womb."
Named after him, Thomas Phillip Mason, I never became what
he wanted. I fell short of his ideal of perfection. Whether
it was school, personal effort, or simply being his son, I
felt inadequate and out of place. Each night, the arguments
would begin again after he had been drinking.
So, with God's decision, I had no testicles and no
testosterone in my system. My body grew bigger but not to
my father's satisfaction. Existing in his sight, in his
house, only made him angrier.
I spent the best part of my life at home staying out of his
way.
I hid in the woods out near our house until close to
dinner. As soon as dinner was over and I had done my
kitchen chores, I fled to my room to escape his wrath and
glare.
Sometimes, when he was leaving for a church meeting, I
would linger and talk to my mother over washing and drying
the dishes.
"Mom, do you ever think that dad will like me?"
"Tommy, he loves you but he is too confused to speak his
heart. All his frustration in his job and life, he bottles
up and reacts when he sees you."
"It's frustrating for me, too. I don't know what to say
when people ask me how old I am. They think I am ten and
everyone else looks fourteen. I hate it. It's not fair."
"I hate it too, sweetie. If I could, I would not put you
through this. But, you know how your father is. He just
doesn't believe in surgery, medicines, or anything that's
not in the bible."
And so nothing happened. I kept to the sidelines, as
everyone else grew taller and developed further as
teenagers.
By sixteen, all the boys I knew at school had hair around
their growing penises and scrotums. They had developed
deeper voices; some even grew mustaches. They had all
gotten taller and developed muscles throughout their
frames.
Me? I was nothing. At 5'4" and skinny, I was a nothing. I
was soft and underdeveloped. My voice remained high and
squeaky. The only hair I had was on my head.
Sometimes, people mistook me for a young girl because I
still had baby fat on my body. My ass was round. My chest
was soft and the fat seemed to center around my
underdeveloped chest. My face had no definition and looked
child-like. My arms and legs lacked muscle and were skinny
and undefined. I grew taller but not older.
To fight this baby girl image, I kept my hair cut in a crew
cut to try to look more masculine, but that didn't help. In
the mirror I saw a twelve year old.
My genitals were terrible to look at. My penis never got
hard or erect. It was small and only dangled down because
there was no scrotum to push it back up. Since my balls
remained deep in my body, the scrotum never grew or
stretched. So my dick flapped down against the space
between my legs that should have held my balls. But, when I
lay on my back and searched, that spot was as smooth as any
on my body.
I hated gym. I hated being compared to my classmates
physically. I kept to myself.
At high school, I watched the young men and women in their
mating dances. The flirting, the kissing, groping each
other. I never felt that heat or attraction. I was an
outsider. I was certain that I was a freak like my father
said.
All this emotion was bottled up deep inside me. It was
frustrating to have no friends. To walk from one class to
another, alone in a school of 850 students. To sit by
myself on the bus, to eat by myself in the cafeteria. I
buried myself in my computer and reading. I got good grades
but was reluctant to join anything cause I was so
different.
Whether I was home or at school, there was no escaping my
body's failure. I hated to compare myself to the boys who
roamed the halls.
Occasionally, I was allowed to be part of a group until I
realized that they regarded me as a pet, a little brother.
When I was seventeen and a senior, my dad was killed. He
had been driving home one night from a church meeting. The
drunk driver that had hit him never slowed down.
Fortunately, he had purchased enough insurance to get him
buried and kept us out of harm's way. Sometimes, I sensed
that my mother felt relief not to have to silently endure
his rants.
With my father gone, the house became my refuge. I used my
computer. I did my homework. I stayed inside. I did little
or nothing except play video games, watch television, or
listen to music.
When it came time to apply for college, I told my mom I
wasn't interested. After some discussions at the kitchen
table, I admitted that I didn't want to feel the stares and
the harassment from a new group of people at a college.
"Mom, I look like a twelve year old and I am turning
eighteen. I'm a freak. I don't want to go anywhere or do
anything."
"Tommy, you are a sweet and wonderful young man. You are
making too much out of this. Let's go see the doctor in the
morning and see if he can help you with your dilemma. I
don't have the same feelings that your father did. If there
is something to do to correct you growth problem, we can do
it together."
The next morning, I was shattered by the doctor's news.
"It's long past time to correct your body, Tommy. Time
flies." The doctor shook his head sadly. "Your testicles
were allowed to atrophy and were long ago absorbed back
into your system. They don't even exist any longer. The
only way were can change your lack of physical development
is to use external treatments. We can try to correct the
problems with injected hormones. But, it will be a
difficult and painful treatment of growth hormones.
Testosterone is a tough chemical for the body to absorb."
"Doc, I want to be like everyone else more than anything.
I'd be willing to try anything to look normal." There were
tears in my eyes as I sat there in his office. "Look at me.
I'm stuck in a child's body. I don't want to be treated
like a cub scout all my life."
"Well, Tommy, what I propose is a daily injection of
testosterone. We will start out with tiny doses and see how
much your body can take. It will require a lot of lab work-
ups. Before we are done, you will feel like a pin cushion."
To make a long story shorter, I went to the doctor's office
and the lab as often as necessary. I took shots and had
blood drawn daily for six weeks. Unfortunately, my body
rejected the shots almost from the beginning. I lost a lot
of weight including any muscle tone I had developed as a
teen. After trying daily injections, pills, weekly time
capsules, and an injection drip while lying in the
hospital, we had to admit that my body was not going to
allow the treatments to continue.
I was teary-eyed with frustration as we sat in the doctor's
office two months later. My mom held my hand as I nodded
through the doctor's assessment.
"Tommy, I am sorry. All the lab work and all the
medications are too strong for your body. Whatever we have
tried has failed. Your body has stopped growing."
I understood the words, but had trouble believing them. I
was stuck in this child body forever, always being the
brunt of the joke, never able to be like everyone else.
"Jeez. I was hoping I could look more normal when I headed
to college. I just wanted to be accepted, to be liked,
maybe even loved."
"Well, this is going to sound far-fetched. Have you ever
given much thought to going in another direction?"
I looked at the doctor. Was he offering me an alternative?
I was ready to grab any straw out there.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, we could try other hormones that might be less
aggressive to your system, estrogen for example."
"Female hormones?"
"Well, it's an alternative. You could try them out and see
how your body reacts to them."
"Turn me into a girl?"
"Actually, a woman. Your body is an empty vessel waiting
for a signal. While your chromosomes say male, your body is
stuck in puberty. The female hormones might help you to
grow up."
I started to shake my head from side to side as the room
began to spin. This was too strange to consider. I found
myself crying and sobbing.
"No, this is not fair. It's not right. I don't want to be a
queer, a sissy. I don't want people to think I'm gay, or a
fairy."
"Well, Tommy, at this point, it's only a suggestion. It's
something to consider. You wouldn't be any worse off than
you are now. If the hormones take, your body would start to
grow. You would catch up to your peers in a few years.
Eventually, you could have corrective surgery and live a
full, rewarding life as an adult."
"As a woman?"
"It's just a suggestion, Tommy. You are almost eighteen,
and technically an adult. Just consider it food for
thought."
The ride home was a comedy act. I didn't know whether to
laugh or cry. I think that I did both several times.
My mom hadn't said a word for an hour. She was there, but
silent. Finally, when my ranting and raving stopped, and I
had some deep breaths, she spoke.
"Tommy," she said quietly, turning the car onto our street.
She looked me straight in the eye. "You are missing the
point. Being a woman is wonderful."
"But, Mom!"
"No, you aren't listening. If you can't get your body to
help you become a man, the doctor says you have another
choice, another chance to try to be part of the crowd.
Instead of being a handsome man, you could become a lovely
woman."
"Mom, it's too strange."
We turned into the driveway and parked. We walked into the
house.
"Tommy, come with me."
I followed my mom to her bedroom. Since my father had died,
the bedroom and the house had been slowly redecorated. Gone
were all the traces of my old man, my father Thomas. The
room was decorated in feminine simplicity and had a light,
airy feeling.
My mom began to undress laying her clothes out on the bed.
She smiled at me. "I want you to undress and take off your
clothes," she said. "C'mon, it's just you and me. Let's
talk honestly here."
My mom and I both stripped down to naked. I don't think
that under normal circumstances, I would have been
undressing in my mom's bedroom. But, she had seen me
through all the lab tests, the probing, the shots, and in
the hospital. I was emotionally a wreck. I probably would
have done anything she had asked at this point. After all,
she's my mom and all. I stripped and shivered from the air
on my body and the experience I had been through that day.
"Come over here." She stood by the mirror.
I came over and stood where she indicated along side her.
She turned me around and we looked into the mirror, side by
side.
I looked at us standing together and saw a lot of physical
resemblance. We were both about the same height. My mom was
about 5'7". I was a little shorter than her. My mom was
slender and shapely. Our hair was the same sandy blonde.
After the month of blood work and reactions from the
hormones, I was almost as thin as my mom.
Of course, my mom was a beautiful woman with a very shapely
body with or without clothes.
"You have more of my genes than your fathers."
My body had no shape or definition. I was skinny legged,
had baby fat all over my hips and waist. My chest was
shrunken and my shoulders and arms were skinny. Even after
six weeks of my body rejecting the testosterone, I simply
looked bad.
"Tommy. You have nothing to loose if you try. If it works
you could grow up to be my daughter and look like me."
I stared at my mom. I noticed how pretty her face was, even
in her late thirties. She had her arm around me. Her lovely
hip brushed mine. With my baby fat and ignoring my tiny
boy's penis, I might have passed for a very young girl with
a boy's crewcut.
I sighed. I cried. We hugged and laughed. I felt good in
her arms, her hug made me feel safe. She was warm and soft
and comforting. She smelled wonderful and was my best and
only friend in this world.
"I'm scared, mom. It's too much to think about. I never
thought that I would have to change my sex. I don't think
that I can do it and I am really tired of being laughed
at."
"Tommy, you will still be the same wonderful person. Your
heart and soul are not changing, just your outside shell.
You are a caring, sweet person and you will always be my
wonderful child. You will just be putting on a new smile
each day."
"But, what if it doesn't work, or leaves me halfway, or
scarred. I don't know, mom. All along, I thought I was
going to grow up and be a man."
"Like your father?"
"No, of course not. I wouldn't want to be like him."
"Like me, then?"
I thought for a minute and started to sob. I stood there
naked, crying my eyes out.
We hugged. We kissed. We finally laughed and cried
together. Maybe everything would be alright. I guess I
would have to try in order to find out.
I began my treatment the next day in the doctor's office.
Back and forth from the endocrinologist to the lab, shots
and pills. Over the next month, I had no body rejection
reaction to the estrogen. Instead, I started to see signs
of acceptance in my body.
Rather than suspend the treatment, I was given the fast
track with a psychologist and a psychiatrist. I met with my
counselor twice a week. The biggest concern in the medical
field was that I would become unstable during my
transition.
My attitude was I wasn't transitioning at all. I had never
been a man, so becoming a woman wasn't dropping one sex and
heading to another.
My nipples puffed up within a few days. I felt a sense of
calm and relaxation that I had never felt before.
The scale told me I started to gain some weight back. I
knew I had gained fifteen pounds, but it wasn't showing in
my arms, shoulders, or stomach.
I started to grow taller.
My mom laughed when I questioned where my weight was going.
Since the mirror day almost two months ago, I had found
myself sharing my feelings more and more with my mom. I did
not feel ashamed of my body and presented myself with only
a towel wrapped around my waist, fresh from the shower.
"Look in the mirror. I'll show you where you are growing."
"Now drop the towel and turn sideways."
I turned sideways looked at my reflection. For the first
time, I was examining myself critically. With my mom's
guidance, I saw that my butt and thighs were getting
heavier. While my waist was slimming, but I could see the
change below.
Standing sideways, I could also see my puffy nipples; some
extra fat appeared to be pushing them out, forming small
cones.
My body was changing. I was losing my baby fat. I was
growing into a female.
"Jesus" was all I could mutter under my breath.
"Thank Jesus, Tommy. He and Dr. Bailey are giving you a new
chance in life."
With the daily trips downtown to the doctor and the lab, I
decided to forgo college applications and stay home for
treatments.
No one noticed the changes when I graduated high school.
With clothes on, it looked like I had grown an inch. I
spent the summer in the doctor's office, my house, or the
back yard. I never went outside the back yard. I quietly
disappeared from the world.
Time flies and I was changing daily. Wearing a T-shirt and
shorts, I could not pass a mirror without an inspection.
The pores on my face and body grew smaller. The fat on my
face disappeared and my facial bones seem to be accented.
As a result of this leanness, my eyes appeared larger. I
could seem a chin, cheekbones. And if I wasn't imagining
things, my lips were getting more prominent and puffier. My
face was changing and maturing.
Gone were the crewcuts. The increased vitamins and hormones
had my hair growing rapidly. It was the first time in my
life that I had to comb my hair. It was thick, silky, and
the same sandy blonde color of my mom's. It grew over my
collar and over my ears.
I started to grow pubic hair around my penis. I noticed
hair under my arms and fine hair on my legs.
My mom told me that it was time to learn how to shave in
the shower. After a series of bloody tries, we took and
shower together and I caught on to the tricks of turning
the water on and off and using plenty of shaving cream.
I also learned about creaming my body with lotion after
showers to prevent drying skin. I started to use deodorant
and powders.
My body began to shift weight noticeably. On the bottom, my
hips and butt grew larger. I noticed it in my clothes. My
jeans and shorts were tighter and harder to pull up. My
waist didn't change. Mom bought a treadmill for the
basement. I began to exercise daily. Running kept my
changing body tighter. While I saw more fat below my waist,
my waist didn't change at all.
The exercise helped to keep my stomach flat and trim. I
began stretching and doing crunches. My body was changing
and growing, but I was determined not to become a fat cow.
Speaking of cows, my chest was changing noticeably. My
nipples grew larger and seemed to harden at any change in
my mood or room temperature. They became my first sign of
sexual stimulation. Yep, I could feel myself grow excited
whenever I brushed them. Touching them made me warm inside,
full of pleasure. The aureoles surrounding the nipples grew
much larger and pinker. The fat around my nipples started
to form a rounder shape. I was growing breasts, small ones.
Sometimes at night, I would lie in bed and fondle my
breasts and feel the tingling throughout my body. While I
was having a lot of adjustments to make in the daytime, the
nighttimes were full of newly found pleasure. I would
actually feel the blood rush to my penis and it would
become full of warmth and heat. While it would not grow
enormous, it would fill up and felt good when I held it. I
would fall asleep each night fondling my breasts and
rubbing my penis.
After six months of hormonal treatments, it was September.
I had not been out in public for a long time except to go
to the occasional movie after dark with my mom. I knew I
had changed, but I wasn't ready for the small time gossip
and whispering.
I confessed to my mom my feelings about being seen and
people laughing at me.
"I've been thinking about that, too. Let's see what I can
arrange."
That night at dinner, my mom had the biggest smile on her
face.
"We are taking a week to go into Washington. We'll stay in
a hotel. We'll go shopping. We can see a movie. And no one
will know either of us.
"I've made all the arrangements. The doctor will see you in
the morning and inject you with a time delayed shot that's
good for a week. Then we can go away and you can see the
daylight again without feeling so self-conscious."
In the morning, I began to pack. My mom walked into my room
and saw the suitcase on the bed.
"Nope, no packing. Take your CD's, your Walkman, and your
books. Pack your toiletries from the bathroom and leave
everything else behind except the clothes you are wearing.
We are going shopping!"
We left Columbia, Maryland and headed out on the
interstate. Instead of going south towards Washington, we
headed north to the Whitemarsh Mall.
We parked and mom turned towards me. "Take off your shirt
and pull down your shorts."
I looked at her with big eyes and did what I was told.
"Lift up your arms."
Mom drew a tape measure out of her pocket and wrapped it
around my chest. She drew it around my waist and my hips.
This wasn't easy cause we were still sitting in her car.
"Get dressed. I will be back in ten minutes. Sit tight."
I pulled my T-shirt back over my head. It was one that I
had owned for years, a favorite. I hiked up my tighty-
whities and pulled my shorts back on again.
Mom arrived back with a large shopping bag. She opened some
packages and tossed me some white panties and a bra. They
landed in my lap.
"See if they fit. That bra is a front closure so you can do
it without a lot of fuss." She had the biggest grin on her
face. Her enthusiasm was catching.
The panties were cotton briefs. The tag was marked size
six. The bra was marked 36A. It softly padded. I shimmied
out of my clothes and quickly pulled on the women's
underwear. Everything fit fine. I enjoyed the smoother
feeling of the cottons and the support the bra gave my
chest.
Before I had a chance to even blink, mom tossed a top and
shorts my way. The top was light green and the shorts were
khaki. The cap sleeve top was marked small. As I pulled it
over my head and adjusted it, I noticed that it did not
come down to my waist. It was cropped slightly short and
exposed the edge of my tummy.
I looked at my mother questioning and all I got back was a
smile. She had a tear forming in her eye. "Let's go, kiddo.
Tempis Fugit."
I slid the shorts up over my new underwear. They seemed to
be a great fit. They were form fitting over my butt and
hips and snuggled up nicely around my waist. Oh yeah, I was
able to tuck my dick in the underwear easily between my
legs and nothing showed.
"Let's go, Tommy. We have shopping to do." Mom grabbed her
pocketbook, opened her door, adjusted her sunglasses, and
stood waiting for me.
I took a deep breath and got out. I felt naked and exposed.
I tried to cover my jutting breasts and my exposed tummy
with my hands. My mom had already started walking, so I did
not have time to think about what I looked like. I had to
run around some cars to catch up.
"Yo, yo, yo. Mom! I can't do this!"
"You already are doing this. C'mon. Nobody knows you here.
It's time to jump in the pool and swim, sweetheart."
I found myself entering the mall. Looking in the glass
doors and the reflective mirrors, I was surprised to see
that I did not look too bad at all. Other then the clothes
I wore, I was looking at the same face that had been
changing in the mirror for the past six months.
Mom dragged me to a kiosk that sold gold chains. She did
all the talking.
Before I could say boo, the girl behind the stand had
opened up the divider and motioned me to have a seat. Two
minutes later, I had black marker on my earlobes and
finally a pair of little glittering studs in my ears. My
head swam as I listened to the care and maintenance of my
newly pierced ears.
As we walked round the mall, I was still having trouble
coping. At each turn, the mirrors reflected back this image
of my bra and bulging tits. I stopped several times to take
in my own reflection. My narrow waist and the shorts
accenting my widened hips and rounded ass.
My mom grabbed my arm, saying, "C'mon, you will have a
lifetime to enjoy mirrors. We are only getting started
here."
The next stop was a beautician in the mall. I was in a
chair and spun around to face the mirrors. The beautician
was spraying my hair flat with water and chatting to mom
and me.
"Nice thick hair, and such a lovely shade... how about some
ends cut and a little shaping?"
I nodded starting at my big eyes. Fortunately, my outfit
and newfound body were hidden beneath a drape of cloth.
After ten minutes of clipping and trimming, she started
applying some products to my hair. It had grown a lot
longer in six months, no more crewcuts. It was not really
long, but with a blow dryer and some gel, the beautician
was giving it some body and some definition. The hair
framed my face and I could see my newly pierced ears
reflecting the light of the beauty shop. I looked cool.
My mom piped up, bringing me out of the fog. "Let's do some
eyebrow waxing while she's in the chair."
She? I was the she.
The beautician nodded, and I was tilted back. Hot wax from
a pot was applied to my eyebrows. A few painful rips later
and I was looking critically at my thinned eyebrows.
I stood like a goof while my mom and the woman chatted.
Credit slip signed and my mom pulled me out of there.
Down through the mall we went. I was being led along. We
walked into Macys and up to the counter that sold makeup.
"Hop up, Tommy and sit still."
I found myself sitting in a tall chair. A pretty lady in a
dark smock came around and started talking about skin tones
and colors with my mom. The woman was applying makeup to my
skin and she and my mom were nodding together.
When she finally turned a mirror my way, I was looking at
the face of a teen girl. I had on mascara and shadow, but
only enough to accent my blue eyes. I had on a real light
coat of foundation, blush, lipliner and gloss. Nothing
seemed out of balance, nothing seemed wrong. I took some
deep breaths to keep from hyperventilating. I looked very
pretty. Mom gave my hand a squeeze.
I continued to study my face in the mirror while mom paid
for the purchases. I listened to the make-up specialist
talk about daytime and nighttime makeup, removers, and all
the details that seemed to blur. I knew that my mom would
be there for me to fill in the gaps.
Ears, hair, make-up... all too much.
Sensing that I was filled up with too much info, we took a
break to eat some lunch in the food court.
We talked small talk. I was not really ready to contemplate
what had just taken place in the past three hours. As I
stood to head for the bathroom, mom reminded me of the
reality of the situation.
"Tommy, check the all important sign on the bathroom doors.
Don't enter the wrong one and frighten some boys."
Jesus! I suddenly realized what had taken place. It was
moving a little too fast.
"Let's go together, honey. Come on with me."
After using the stall, Mom insisted that I come over to the
mirror not to merely wash my hands but to also repair my
makeup from eating lunch.
We shopped the rest of the afternoon. New sneaks, shoes, a
new jacket, more underwear and bras, more tops and bottoms.
Pants, shorts, and I bought two dresses. So strange trying
them on. So strange.
Finally, we filled the car and headed towards Washington
for our week's adventure.
But, I won't bore you with that story. After all, "Time
flies."
Nadine
- 28.11.2020
- 12
- 0
