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Elise's Journal © 2003 by Nom de Plume Wednesday November 25 My parent teacher conference must have gone well. Mom was over the moon about my grades. It's easy to be a good student when you don't have a life. Mom said Sister Delano suggested that I begin writing a daily journal of my personal experiences, so here goes. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and I have much to be thankful for: I have to put on a dress every day and go to a Catholic school. I am counting the days until my father comes back from Japan for Christmas and puts an end to this madness. Mom just told me that Grandma Huhn and Aunt Edie are driving up from Omaha for the holiday. I was so pissed when Mom admitted that they know all about Elise! She swears that they have been sworn to secrecy, and that she had to tell them so they wouldn't give me away by mistake. Why do they have to come to Winnetka anyway? Thursday November 26 I spent the whole morning helping Mom and Sarah make Thanksgiving dinner. Last year, Dad and I watched football on TV until dinner was ready. Grandma and Aunt Edie arrived just before noon. They made pretend that there was nothing unusual about the way I looked. For about ten seconds. Grandma made a big deal about how pretty a girl I made. Then she presented me with a package, all wrapped up in fancy paper. It was a kilt! Mom made me put it on before we sat down to eat. After we finished, I had to put an apron on over my new kilt before I dried the dishes. I hate this. Friday November 27 Today was a nightmare. Grandma and Aunt Edie insisted on taking us shopping in downtown Chicago. I put on jeans and a sweatshirt, but Grandma was so disappointed, Mom made me put my kilt back on for them, and it was so cold out, I had to wear nylons. Yuck! We walked up and down Michigan Avenue for hours. My feet were killing me and my legs were freezing. I must have tried on a hundred outfits for Grandma and Aunt Edie, and Mom let them buy me two really expensive dresses. Then Aunt Edie dragged me to the cosmetics counter at a big department store, and I sat there as some woman put makeup on me. To top things off, we went to some fancy restaurant and had a ladies' lunch that I thought would never end. It was the worst day of my life. Saturday November 28 Mom took Grandma and Aunt Edie to Sarah's violin recital, and I finally got to spend some time alone. Mom must have known I would freak out if she tried to drag me along. I lay in bed all morning and tried to beat off. Nothing happened. I tried for over an hour, but I never got hard. This never happened to me before. I am really worried about it. Maybe dressing up in girl's clothes every day is screwing up my head. Or maybe something's wrong with me. I'm getting fat, and I don't feel as strong as I used to be. It must be because I'm not getting any exercise. At least my zits are under control. Sunday November 29 We went to church today. I wore one of the new dresses that Grandma got me. I have to admit, I looked good in it. Really good. It is very short, and I could swear I saw some guys staring at my legs when I walked back from communion. After church, we went out to breakfast, and I got more stares, including from a man who was old enough to be my father. If Dad were here, he would have decked him. Grandma and Aunt Edie left after breakfast, and I was glad to see them go. What a relief to put on jeans again. I finally got caught up on all my homework. Monday November 30 Back to school. It was really cold out today, and my legs didn't thaw out until third period. I aced my science quiz, got a 95 on my math test, and Sister Hotz gave me an A on my paper about the French Revolution. One of the girls in my homeroom, Maddy McGann, sat down next to me at lunch. She is a really good student, and kind of a loner like me. It was okay having somebody to talk to. Tuesday December 1 I am getting soft! I seem to have no energy. Maybe that's why I am doing so well in school. I just sit there and listen to everything the teachers say. After dinner, I told Mom that I was worried about getting out of shape. She agreed to help me find a sport that I can play without giving myself away. Sarah suggested figure skating. I said how about kick boxing, just her and me in the ring. Mom sent us to our rooms. Wednesday December 2 Maddy and I had lunch again today. She asked me if I was going to the Snow Ball. That's the big Christmas Dance at Francis Xavier. I told her no way. She said one of the juniors asked her to go. He's kind of a geek, but there will be an awesome band at the Snow Ball, so she said yes. She told me one of his friends is looking for a date. I think she was hoping we could double date. This is all I need. When I got home, Mom told me about a tennis club that has a league for junior girls. I never played tennis in my life, which is good, since I don't want to stand out. And, I don't have to worry about changing in a locker room, since I can put on my tennis stuff at home. I told her to sign me up. Thursday December 3 I aced another science quiz. We are learning about reproduction, and it felt weird to look at the pictures of the male body. When will mine start looking like that? That will be one sure way to put an end to my little masquerade. Wait till Elise Huhn walks into class with a mustache like Sister Delano's! It won't be any time soon. I used to shave once in a while, even though I didn't really need to, but I haven't had anything close to a beard for weeks. I'm not so lucky with my legs, I have to shave them a couple of times a week, and I started shaving my underarms too. Mom surprised me with a tennis outfit when I got home. This is not exactly what I had in mind! The top is okay, but it came with the shortest skirt I have ever seen, and a pair of white panties with some kind of ruffles on them. Ugh! She also got me a training bra, and when I tried it on, I didn't need to stuff any tissues into it. I've gotten so soft, it's almost like I have little titties now. Friday December 4 I was standing at my locker when Maddy came up to me with two guys. One was her date for the Snow Ball, and the other guy was his friend. He stood there like a goon while Maddy talked to her date about the Snow Ball. He just got his driver's license, so he will be taking her in his parents' Mercedes. He said they had plenty of room for another couple. I pretended not to take the hint, and eventually they went away. Tennis was fun. I am starting out in a class with three other girls. (Did I say other? This is getting way out of control!) Anyway, the teacher is a cool guy, and after he showed us how to hit forehands and backhands, we tried to play doubles. We were all terrible, but I got the hang of it, and I even got used to my short skirt. Saturday December 5 The weekend! I slept in while Mom and Sarah went out to buy a dress for Sarah's Christmas formal. Needless to say, when they asked me if I wanted to join them, I pretended to be asleep. I tried to beat off again. Nothing doing. I really am getting worried about what's happening to me. I stood in front of Mom's full length mirror and looked myself over for a long time. Something is definitely wrong. My hips and ass are starting to get fat, although my waist is skinnier than ever. And although I don't want to believe it, I could swear that I am growing tits. I must be like one of the animals we read about in science that adapt to their environments. When means that once Dad gets back and I get out of my stupid girl's clothes, I'll go back to normal. Sunday December 6 I wore the other new dress Grandma got me to church today. Mom said I looked so cute in it, she insisted on taking pictures so she can send one to Grandma and one to Aunt Edie. I told her no way, that when this is all over I don't want any record of what I've been through. She promised me that she would never show it to anybody, and after she agreed to buy me a new tennis outfit with shorts instead of a skirt, I went along with her. I could swear I saw the guy Maddy introduced me to at church, he turned around and stared at me a couple of times. Mom must have noticed him too, because she asked me who my good-looking friend was. Sarah said he was a doll. Women. Monday December 7 Another week as a Catholic schoolgirl. I am counting the days until Dad gets back for Christmas. Sister Delano handed out a new assignment: everybody has to compose a poem. I sat and stared at a blank piece of paper for half an hour in the library and came up with zippo. This could spell the end of my A average in English. I knew it was too good to last. My other subjects are going great. I wonder if I'll go back to being a dumbo when I get to be a guy again. I hate to admit it, but I like being one of the smartest kids in my class. Tuesday December 8 Tennis was great today. Much better in my new shorts. My doubles partner is a cool girl named Jenny. We smoked the other girls. No progress on my poem. It is starting to snow. Wednesday December 9 There must have been a foot of snow on the ground this morning. At first Mom didn't think she could make it out of the driveway, but then we got plowed out, and we made it to school a few minutes late. Everybody else was late too. I wore long wooly sox and boots over my tights, and it wasn't too bad. Maddy asked me if I wanted to study with her today after school. She lives close to Francis Xavier. I called Mom, and she said it would be okay, so I put on my sox and boots after school and we trudged through the snow to Maddy's house. Her Mom fixed us hot chocolate and we talked about everything but homework. When I go back to being a guy, maybe I'll ask her out. What an edge I would have with her, as long as she didn't recognize me. Thursday December 10 I finally got an inspiration and started my poem: The butterfly is quite unique It starts out as a wingless geek Trudging slowly, nose to ground It never gives the sky a peek But just when life seems very hard Nature shuffles up the cards And things aren't always what they seem Take if from your hapless bard I know just how the worm must feel When it wakes up from its ordeal With pretty wings to soar the sky Till it becomes a spider's meal There goes my grade point average. Maybe I should become a blonde? Friday December 11 Maddy and I had lunch again today. She told me that her date's friend really likes me. It turns out his name is Ben. I asked her how Ben could like me when I have never said two words to him. She said he thinks I'm hot. Whatever! She said it would be so cool if we could go to the Snow Ball and hang out together. I have to admit, I'm really starting to like her. Would it be so wrong to let this guy take me to the dance so I can hang out with Maddy? My life is getting so screwed up. I told her I would think about it. After school, I waited until Sister Delano was alone. I told her that Maddy wanted me to go on a double date with her to the Snow Ball. She asked me who the guy was, and I told her Ben. She smiled and told me that as long as it was Ben, there was no reason why I shouldn't go and have a good time. I called Maddy after I got home and told her I guessed I could go with them. Ten minutes later, the phone rang. I beat Sarah to it and waited until she walked away before I answered. Sure enough, it was Ben. Saturday December 12 I hung around after breakfast and waited until Sarah went upstairs before I told Mom that a guy wanted to take me out on a double date with Maddy and her boyfriend. She knew all about the Snow Ball from the newsletter Francis Xavier sends home to the parents, and she said it was all right with her, but I had better check with Sister Delano. I told her I already did. Mom gave me a big hug and told me we had better go shopping tomorrow for a dress. I didn't think about that! Of course Mom had to tell Sarah, who let out a whoop. She offered to let me try on some of her fancy dresses, but Mom said no girl should have to wear her sister's hand-me-downs on her first date. Things are getting way out of hand. Sunday December 13 I saw Ben at church again today, and he came up to us while we were waiting to greet the priest after mass. He introduced himself to Mom and Sarah, and we talked for a few seconds as we moved through the line. I was so relieved when we got back to our car. Sarah and Mom both said he is one of the best-looking guys they have ever seen. "He's so polite," Mom said. "Do you think he's gay?" Sarah asked. I hit her over the head with my purse. I spent the afternoon at the Woodfield Mall, trying on long dresses for my big date. I felt so stupid! Finally we found one that wasn't too expensive, and that fit me okay. It was light blue, with kind of a shimmer to it, and it came with a little jacket. Mom insisted that we buy a matching purse and shoes, and she splurged on an opal pendant and matching earrings, and some ultra-sheer nylons. Like I said, things are getting way out of hand. Monday December 14 Back to school. Maddy is so excited about our big double date. Even though I feel like a heel for taking advantage of Ben to be with her, I'm starting to get excited myself. Another day, another A, in Spanish this time. I couldn't put two words together at my old school, now I'm spouting off like Gloria Estaban. Maybe I should write my poem in Spanish? Ben called tonight. He needed to ask me the color of my dress so he can order the right corsage for me. This is so wrong. Tuesday December 15 I went over to Maddy's house after school again, and she showed me the dress she is going to wear to the Snow Ball. It was so weird sitting on her bed while she changed into it. I thought it would make me hot, seeing her in her bra and panties, but nothing doing down there. Darn these stupid clothes! We still had a lot of fun talking about the dance. I'm really glad she talked me into going. She asked me how I was going to wear my hair, which threw me. Wednesday December 16 At breakfast I told Mom about Maddy's question about my hair. She told me not to worry, she has already made an appointment for me at her salon on Saturday morning! I am starting to get cold feet about the whole thing. Maybe I'll come down with something. Tennis was great today, there was a round-robin tournament for all the girls in the club 13 and under, and I finished second. The girl who beat me has been playing since she was five years old, and I learned some things from her today. Maybe I'll keep playing when I go back to being a guy. Thursday December 17 Only two days until the Snow Ball! I think Mom is more excited about it than I am. She asked me if my date and our friends would like to come inside for cookies and cokes on our way to the dance. I thought I was going to throw up. School went by so fast. I think everybody is excited about the Snow Ball. Every girl in our class has a date, thanks to some strong-arm tactics on the guys by Monsignor Tully. Even though I am dreading getting dressed up for it, I am glad I won't be the only wallflower in our class. Friday December 18 Maybe I am coming down with something! I felt really funny when I got up this morning. I could barely get down my orange juice and anti-zit pills. Mom asked me what was wrong, and I let it all out: I told her how my body was getting softer, and how afraid I was that I was growing boobs. She tried to tell me that it must be my imagination, but she agreed to make an appointment with a doctor next week. I began to feel better immediately. The thought of going to a doctor's office disguised as a girl, and taking a physical exam, totally freaked me out. Today was the last day of school before Christmas break. Even with my poem, I got an A in English, and all my other subjects too. Sister Delano told me she was very proud of me, and said that she was looking forward to seeing me and Ben at the dance. Who made her a chaperone? Saturday December 19 The big day finally came. My first and only date as Elise Huhn. I thought Mom was going to burst on the way to her salon. What a bizarre trip! While one girl shampooed and styled my hair, another girl pulled up a chair and went to work on my nails. Then a third woman came over and gave me a complete makeover. By the time I got out, I looked like Audrey Hepburn ? the fairy princess version. I had to put on a shower cap to protect my new hairdo while I took a bath and shaved my legs and underarms. My new stockings were so flimsy, I don't know how I managed to get them on with my sharp fingernails. Then I poured myself into my princess dress, which I could barely walk in once I put on my new heels, and Mom sprayed me with some of her expensive perfume after she helped me with my jewelry. Ben was waiting for me in the living room when I finally made it down the stairs. He pinned my corsage onto my dress, and Mom insisted on taking some pictures of us before we escaped. Maddy and her date were waiting for us in his car. I think they must have been going at it, because the windows were all steamed up. Except for when we went to the girls' room, I didn't have much chance to talk to Maddy. She was hanging all over her date, and Ben kept me occupied on the dance floor. I don't know how I ever managed to dance backwards in that dress, but I got the hang of it, and we had fun talking about teachers and some of the other kids. I think I shocked him a few times with my observations about life at FX. One thing I was not ready for was the mistletoe. Ben steered me under it and tried to plant one on me. I turned my head and he kissed me on the cheek. Just then I looked over and saw Sister Delano staring at us. She gave me with a big wink! I got dropped off at home first. Maddy was all over her date on the ride back to my house, and I bet they were really going at it while Ben walked me to the door. I was so bummed out about Maddy that I let him give me a little peck, no big deal. I thanked him for a great time, and staggered into the living room, where Mom and Sarah were waiting up for me like kids on Christmas morning. I told them I was exhausted. I peeled off my gown and dragged myself into bed. Sunday December 20 (No entry) Monday December 21 Yesterday I got the worst news of my life. Mom and Dad are getting a divorce. Mom told us in the living room after church. I just sat there in shock while Sarah had a nervous breakdown. She said it was all my fault. Then Mom told us that Dad was in love with a woman in Japan and that he had been after Mom to agree to a divorce for almost a year. She said my stupid screw-up at the ballgame had nothing to do with it. It took a while before it all sank in. Dad is not coming back to rescue me from being Elise. I am stuck being a girl forever. I ran to the bathroom and threw up, then I closed my door and crawled into bed. Mom finally brought me some soup for dinner, and we both cried as she held me in her arms. I wanted to be strong for her, but I kept sobbing about how I didn't want to be a girl. She told me to go to sleep, and that we would talk about it in the morning. Tuesday December 22 Three days before Christmas, and I am walking around like a zombie. So is Sarah. At least she doesn't have to deal with a sex change on top of her parents' divorce. Mom took me to see a doctor this afternoon. It was a woman, and I was so embarrassed when I put on a paper gown and waited for her in the examination room. She knew all about me, and she tried to keep things light as she squeezed here and probed there. A nurse came in and took some blood, and the doctor told Mom and me to come back next week. Wednesday December 23 I hung around the house all morning. Maddy called and wanted to talk about the Snow Ball, but I was so upset about Mom and Dad that I didn't want to talk about it. I forgot all about how bummed out I was on our double date. In the afternoon Mom tried to cheer us up. We all got in the car and drove downtown to Marshall Fields to look at the lights. It was a mob scene. We split up and bought Christmas presents for each other. I know what I'm going to find under the tree. My Christmas stocking will be filled with stockings, bras, panties?. Thursday December 24 I'm in a panic. Mom just told us that Dad called from the airport. He is on his way home to talk to us. Mom told me to put on the kilt that Grandma gave me. What will he say when he sees me like this? *** "Your Honor, as Exhibit A the people intend to introduce into evidence a journal written by Elliott Geiss." Mrs. Geiss was sitting next to her attorney, Dexter Boyd, at the defendant's table in a packed courtroom in downtown Chicago. She was wearing a dress instead of her prison jumpsuit for the trial. The prosecutor, holding two documents in her hands, was a smartly dressed woman of about thirty. "As Exhibit B, we intend to offer a theme written by Elliott Geiss while he was posing as a girl at Francis Xavier Academy." Dexter Boyd was on his feet. "Objection, lack of foundation," Mrs. Geiss's attorney said. "Your Honor, we frankly thought that defense counsel would stipulate to the authenticity of these documents, to spare the defendant's son the indignity of having to testify today at trial." "The objection stands," Boyd said. The prosecutor rolled her eyes. "Very well, the people call Elliott Geiss." The wide courtroom doors opened, and Elliott walked into the courtroom, wearing the uniform of a Francis Xavier student. A girl student. Sarah was with him, and she stuck out her tongue when she saw her father sitting by the aisle. There were gasps from the spectators as Elliott walked up to the witness stand in his navy blue jumper and tights. "Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?" the bailiff asked. "I do." "Please state your name for the record." "My name is Elise Huhn." The witness sat down and tugged his dress over his knees. The prosecutor was tongue-tied as a buzz swept the courtroom. Elliott looked at his mother and smiled, and then he scanned the crowd for familiar faces. Sister Delano and Monsignor Tully were there, offering him nods of encouragement, and across the courtroom he saw his father sitting next to an attractive Japanese woman. His face was contorted into a dark scowl. Elliott looked away from him and waited for the prosecutor to regain her composure. "Who told you to dress up like that today?" she finally asked. "Nobody." "I remind you that you are under oath. Did your mother tell you to dress up as a girl for her trial?" "No." The deputy district attorney took off the gloves. "It is true, is it not, that your mother chemically castrated you by tricking you into taking daily doses of estrogen, progestin, and anti-androgens?" Dexter Boyd was on his feet. "Objection. That is a leading question." "Your Honor, I submit that this is a hostile witness. Why else would he make a mockery of this court by dressing up as a girl and using a female name?" "Why don't you ask him, or is it her," the judge said, obviously intrigued. The jurors were sitting on the edges of their chairs. "For the sake of the record, please refer to the witness as Elise Huhn." The prosecutor was aware of Dexter Boyd's reputation for chicanery, and she approached the witness warily. "Did you write this?" she asked, putting the journal in Elise's hands. "Yes." "I call your attention to the entry you wrote on Saturday December 5th. Please read the second and third paragraphs." Elise grimaced as she looked at her handwriting. "?I tried to beat off again. Nothing doing. I really am getting worried about what's happening to me. I stood in front of Mom's full length mirror and looked myself over for a long time. Something is definitely wrong. My hips and ass are starting to get fat, although my waist is skinnier than ever. And although I don't want to believe it, I could swear that I am growing tits. ?I must be like one of the animals we read about in science that adapt to their environments. When means that once Dad gets back and I get out of my stupid girl's clothes, I'll go back to normal.'" "Now, I hand you Exhibit B. Did you write that too?" "Yes." "Please read the paragraph that I am pointing to." Once again Elise frowned as she read her own words. "?Drink your orange juice, and be sure to swallow those pills.' ?What are they?' ?They're to help your complexion. Girls take them so they won't get acne. That way you might not have to wear any makeup.'" The prosecutor took the theme out of Elise's hands. "Who is the other person in the conversation you just recited?" "My mother." "No further questions." Dexter Boyd walked slowly to the witness stand. "Why did you dress the way you did this morning, Elise?" he asked gently. "Because I felt like wearing a dress today," Elise answered. "I don't understand. In the passage that you read back to the court a moment ago, didn't you say ?once Dad gets back and I get out of my stupid girl's clothes, I'll go back to normal?'" Elise let out a deep sigh. "That was then." "What do you mean?" "I can't go back to being a guy again, ever. My balls are so far gone, the doctor told me I might as well have them cut off." The jurors recoiled, and every man in the courtroom cringed. The deputy district attorney could not believe her good fortune. Dexter Boyd must have lost his touch. "And how do you feel about that now?" Boyd asked. "I'm glad." A hush fell over the courtroom, and Elise smiled at her mother, who was sobbing her heart out. "Is that because you were afraid of what people wanted to do to Elliott Geiss for sabotaging the Cubs in the playoffs?" "No. It's because during the past three months, while I was living in a hotel with Dad and trying to go back to being a boy again, I realized that I missed Elise more than I missed being a guy." Elise's father jumped out of his seat. "He's been brainwashed!" he shouted in a fury. "No, Dad, it's true," his son shouted back. "Order in the court! Another outburst like that, and I will have the bailiff remove you from the courtroom," the judge said as he slammed down his gavel. Mr. Geiss was shaking with rage. The prosecutor was on her feet. "Your honor, none of this is relevant or material to the case against the defendant, and I move that the preceding two answers, as well as the exchange between the witness and his father, be stricken from the record." "Nothing doing," Dexter Boyd said sharply. "The state has opened the door to a strange new place, and I insist that the witness be allowed to help us find our way." "The motion is denied." "Thank you, your honor," Boyd said quickly before the deputy district attorney could recover. "Tell the court what you missed about Elise," he said to Elliott. "I missed everything about her. I missed being smart. I missed being pretty. Most of all, I missed the way things were with my mother and sister," she answered softly. "Are you sure you don't want to go back to being a boy again?" "If I could, maybe I would. When I found out I was really turning into a girl, it felt like the wind was knocked out of me. But once I got over the shock, I had to deal with it. I mean, this is who I am now. I can't go back to who I was." "No further questions." "Any redirect?" the judge asked. The deputy district attorney thought she saw an opening. "Are you telling the court that you are resigned to your fate?" "No. I like myself better this way. I didn't realize how much I liked being a girl until my Dad let me be a boy again. Elise is cool, pretty and smart. Elliott was a brat, and he got what he had coming to him." The Cubs fans in the courtroom burst into spontaneous applause until the judge gaveled them into silence. The deputy district attorney decided to cut her losses. "No further questions." *** HUNG JURY FOR FOUL BOY'S MOTHER Chicago ? A mistrial was granted in the highly publicized trial of a Winnetka woman after a jury of six men and six women reported to the judge that they were hopelessly deadlocked. Ruth Geiss, 47, faced up to thirty years in prison if she had been convicted of multiple felonies including child endangerment and the unauthorized distribution of a prescribed substance. Mrs. Geiss was accused of forcibly feminizing her son Elliott, 13, after he became a national celebrity for costing the Chicago Cubs a trip to the World Series by interfering with a foul ball. Her attorney, Dexter Boyd, told a press conference that he doubts that the district attorney will retry the case. "Any jury will have at least one woman and one Cubs fan on it, so they'll never get a conviction," Boyd said. *** Monday April 1 April Fool's Day, and I have much to be thankful for: I get to put on a dress every day and go to a Catholic school. Sister Delano seemed really happy to have me back in her class, and all the kids have been amazing, even Ben. It turns out Sarah was right, he really is gay. Hmmm? My father has gone back to Japan for good. Mom's lawyer cleaned him out. Mom just told me that Grandma Huhn and Aunt Edie are driving up from Omaha for Easter. Which means another fun trip to Chicago to shop for an Easter dress. Maybe I'll shock them by wearing the sexy lingerie Sarah got me for Christmas. Gotta run! I'm off to Wrigley Field to throw out the first ball in the Cubbies' home opener. By the author of The Jessica Project