Actions Have Consequences Vol 3: Marci's Journal free porn video

Marci's Journal By Sarah Goodwoman Day 1 My name is Doug, and I lost a bet to my wife, Helen, which means I am to be her house slave for the next 30 days. At the stroke of midnight, she woke me up to inform me it had started. I am now a sissy house slave named Marci, and she is Mistress. She said the next time I am allowed to call her Helen, and she calls me Doug, I will not be her sissy slave anymore. To make this journal easier to write, I will not be including the word Mistress every time I say it to her. It will be a given, unless I say otherwise. Plus, she is not really my Mistress so why write it down? I gave my word, and lost the bet, so I am going along with it. If she tricked me into taking the bet, knowing I would lose; then this must be important to her. I do not understand why she just did not talk to me about the 'lesson'. It can be hard for me to understand people, sometimes, as I tend to hold back my emotions. I had to shave my legs; they are nice and smooth now. I get why women do that for it feels so good. I also wear panties and a chemise to bed. The panties were a little snug but they really soft. Speaking of bed, she kicked me out of the 'Mistress Bedroom', and put me in the guest room, now known as 'Sissy Servant Quarters'. I found the idea of new sleeping quarters amusing until I saw the remodeling job. She has had the room repainted pink with purple trimming! We have not agreed to this, so she will pay for it and also half the cost to get a new paint job when this is over. It does irk me that she did this behind my back, and that she lied about what was done. She says I will thank her when this is all done, and I learn my 'lesson'; I trusted her, but it is fast becoming less and less likely. After serving her breakfast in bed, which I have to admit, I enjoyed doing, I got ready for the day. She said it was going to be a nice day for me to transition from being her husband to her sissy slave. I pointed out that I was still her husband. She did not like that and tried to punish me. I told her that this is over if she wants to punish me for speaking the truth I cannot play along with this if she does not at least follow the rules. She relented and reworded it so I will think of myself as her sissy slave first and her husband second. That will never really happen, for I am her husband and I am only doing this to keep my word. I do like some aspects of it but overall, no. I did do all the chores, as she dressed, and then lounged around. There is another thing, I hope she used her money and not the joint account for; the wardrobe she got me. I think there are more outfits in it than the number of days I will be a sissy slave. Some of them are nice, others not so much. Lastly, I know me giving her the advice that her 'actions will have consequences' is getting to her. I do not like to be spiteful, but it is not a level playing field, and she is trying to get under my skin, so I am doing the same. Day 2 I hope for Helen's sake the 'lesson' she thinks I need to learn is worth what she is doing. She has not told me yet what the 'lesson' is and in a way, I do not care. I am more concern about the changes in her. Instead of talking to me, she talks at me. She does not seem to understand that she won a house slave, so I do not have to leave the house. It took a half hour for her to get that, and if she tries to change how I understood them, then I get to do the same. I said fine, if I have to leave the house and still be your slave, then I get to pick the 30 days I have to keep my word. I will say it is not all bad. It is good to be pampered and that is what happened here today; just relaxing and having her gently massage my face was good. We were supposed to do more, but we ran out of time. She had to go to the store to buy what we needed for my facial, pedi/mani and temporary dye to give me highlights; then her doing all of the pampering on me took longer than she expected. Another victory for me, for that got under her skin also. The dye job lead to another disagreement. She said that it was temporary dye, so I did not fight it. I knew it would wash out in about a month. Then, she thought it would be a cute to joke and said she got a permanent dye. I got mad, for this is only for a month, so I should be able to go back to normal as soon as it is over. She then said, she was only joking and showed me the box. I did not like how she mocked my concern about my hair. I might have overreacted, but she did also. It is not funny for someone who has power over someone else to pull a joke like that on them! She punished me by having me write I will not talk to Mistress in a disrespectful manner again, 100 times. I did find the punishment funny. I can tell that me saying her 'actions will have consequences' is getting to her more. I added a special smile after saying it, so she will associate the smile with that phrase. I did it because I know she is going to ban me from saying it. Day 3 My wife, aka 'Mistress', is getting strange. She had me read Cosmo - no big deal in itself. It is the article which she had me read; "10 tips on giving a better blow job". The only thing I can think that is about is she wants some of my input on how she gives a blow job. She is great at doing so and I would not change a thing about her technique. Then we had a detail discussion about giving blow jobs. She asked me what I like about her blow jobs. I responded with that is for I am not with her for the blow jobs, I am with her for who she is. Before I could continue, she tried to twist my words against me. She tried to make it like I was saying she was bad at oral. I told her she inferred that. I did not like that she inferred it, for she is taking what I said in a bad light. I pointed out that how she is viewing what I said now puts me in a lose-lose situation. I was saying that she is what is important to me, that is why I am keeping my word with me in a midi- skirt and a pink tank top and with makeup. That made her move on. I do not know why, but it was a little troubling for her to hear that. She talked about how it is scary at first, but I should not worry, for after awhile, you'll get used to seeing a cock in your face. That as a sissy, one day I would crave to do so. She said, she loves when a real man, not a sissy, shoots his load in her mouth. She asked me what I thought I'd like about giving a blow job? Before I answered, I told her my response was honest and not me being smart. I also told her to hear me out before she interrupted. I said I only wanted to have sex with the person I love, her, and she did not have a dick. She asked what if she did have one? I did not want to be cute, and I was opening up to her. I said it was simple, I loved her and wanted to give her pleasure so, yes, I would suck her cock if she had one. I thought that she was going to mock me. She did not, she looked away in shame. At least I think it was shame; it is hard to say, for she was all smiles when she looked back at me. Not the fake smile she been having on her face since becoming Mistress. I know my smile was also genuine when I returned one to her. Her distance from me quickly went away with my answer and we talked. The subject totally changed. It was the first time in three days we talked as equals. It did not last long but it felt good. The conversation was not normal because of how I felt in a skirt and tank top which shows my cleavage. The dynamic of the relationship was different. It had changed because of how I felt different; having to wear a clothes which enhances your looks in a sexual way, makes one feel vulnerable. I felt like I was being judged by her according to how I looked, not who I am. Maybe that's the lesson she wants me to learn; how she feels in our relationship. I hope she doesn't think I take her for granted. My hope is that I give her the respect that she deserves, and that she doesn't think I am only concerned about how she looks. I know it can be hard to reach me by me being so subtle, so maybe she came up with this scheme to open me up to talk about it. Back to the Cosmo; I did get some nice tips on how to style my pixie haircut. It's not bad because I can just comb it back when I am done with this. Anyway I do want to look my best as Marci, for it feels good to look good. I do get some enjoyment out of how frustrated she is when I say her favorite phrase. I feel a little bad, but I need any joy I can get; she is sucking the joy out of me. Day 4 I hate my nails. She put acrylic nails on me today. I will admit that they look great, but I do not think they are worth it. They make my hand look more slender and that is a positive. They also make it so hard to use my fingers now. I know that if I wear them for a prolonged period of time, I would eventually get used to them, but I will not do that. I guess this is a 'bitch session' for I am going to talk about how frustrating it feels right now. She questions everything I do or say, like I cannot do anything right, which makes everything frustrating. It gets me on the defensive, and I should never be that way with my wife, it is not normal. This bet has put a strain on our relationship. The sad part is that she does not see it; she tells me that it will strengthen it. How can she not see that we are drifting apart? I also hate that she thinks that she is playing me for a fool. Teasing me by saying things like, "This might end soon." I doubt it. I know I am in for the full thirty days - she is enjoying this too much. Sometimes, I think she would like to keep me this way. She tried to mock me about me saying 'actions have consequences'. It actually made my day for it backfired on her. I should not get joy for that, but I did. She said the only action she could see that had any bad consequences was me taking the bet. My response was to tell her that was true in that I had made the mistake of trusting her about it being a fun bet, and thinking she would not take it so seriously; but now I was wondering if I could trust her anymore at all. She dismissed me from her presence for the rest of the day as punishment, which was good as it gave me time to think and relax. I need to relax as much as I can. I will say that hurting her was never my intent. I will never be happy about her having pain. In a way, it was good that it hurt her though, for it shows that she does at least care about what I think of her. Day 5 Punishment for hurting her feelings; she has become so little and petty. She needs to know the strain this is putting on our relationship. Anyway, back to the punishment; she had me unplug the dishwasher, and from now on I have to do all the dishes by hand. I pointed out that was only for twenty-five more days after this. She said we would see - I did not like the sound of that. The punishment was I had to clean all the dishes in the house. She made me wear a frilly apron. They are so impractical; cute, but the lace on the hem just does nothing other than get dirty. I spent three hours doing dishes. Doing dishes proved not to be such a bad punishment for I got to think more, and also it was time away from her. I did not have to worry about whether I was doing something wrong. I do not like questioning what I am doing. I did hear her say 'Marci' while on the phone. I did not bring it up for it would have lead to a huge fight which I would have lost unless I went back on my word. What got me was after the phone call, she told me it was her friend Cindy. She then said that they were talking about a new girl who just moved into town, named Marci. She was taunting me about telling Cindy, and she had betrayed my trust by doing so - the bet was only supposed to be between us. My response was I got mad at her; I told her that she should be good to that Marci for if not she might not talk to her in a couple of weeks. She laughed at first, but soon saw I was serious. Day 6 Good and bad day. We had a girl day, I got breast forms and hip enhancers. She said no more padded bras for me. I get to wear sexy bras; I even own a couple. I did model them for her, and I will admit I liked it for it meant she was in a good mood. I also liked how the hip enhancer made me sway as I walk, and how the dress also floated off of my new hips. She had a lustful look as she looked at me in my black lace bra; I have not seen that look for almost a week. Knowing that the bra made her look at me that way, made me confident about wearing it. Even when it was under my blouse, for I knew if she saw what I was wearing, she would become aroused. She talked about wanting to grab my hips and take me. I actually blushed; if I did not already have blush on she would have seen it. It felt good her taking the initiative. The compliment was one of the few that I heard so far, which was not meant to be backhanded. After her little private fashion show we watch a couple of romantic comedies aimed at women. They were light hearted and good fun. She did get a little upset when she put her feet on my lap and I requested that she moved them so my dress did not get wrinkled. I know she wanted a foot rub for she gets one when we watch movies. She to say that she wanted her feet rubbed, but did not. She then said, 'good you remember about me wanting you to be 100% presentable'. She was sad for the rest of the day. The reason I did not rub her feet was I feel like I am a slave to her, not her husband,; so she has to command me to do anything as long as she is making me keep my word. Why would I do something for her with how she is treating me? Kindness begets kindness and meanness begets meanness. I hope she realized that me not rubbing her feet is one of the 'consequences of her actions'. I hope she also knows that it is not out of spite, it was out of how I feel about her right now. She was upset and withdrawn the rest of the day. She kept on starting to tell me you don't, then, quit saying anything. I did feel sad for her, for I can tell that whatever she had plan is not going as she expected. She dismissed me early that night. I hope that she reflected on why I did not rub her feet. I wish I could have found a way to tell her without her dismissing what I said. Day 7 I did find out that she thought that what I did was out of spite, for how she repaid me not rubbing her feet. I was trapped in my room, I am calling the Sissy Servant Quarters my room. It is not, I have to make sure I do not think of it as my room. I was trapped there because Cindy stopped by. At first I did not know what was the worst part: "Mistress" having someone over; that someone being Cindy (I find her childish and self centered - she is always trying to game the system to her advantage, although that sounds like my wife lately); that they came by my room talking loudly to make sure I could hear them; my wife asking how Cindy liked the new pictures of her hubby she was showing her; or that my wife lied to me, multiple times. My wife lying to me hurt the most. She lied about not having anyone come over. She lied when she said that Cindy came unannounced, I could tell by how she did not wonder who was at the door, she was clearly expecting someone. She lied about no one knowing. It was a lie of omission for she had said she would not tell anyone. She already had when she said that. She denied that she showed pictures of me dressed as Marci to Cindy. I know that is not true for the only pictures she has taken of me lately was dressed how I am now. I came down stair so upset, I was physically ill. Instead of showing concern, my wife mocked me, calling me weak and saying I was a sissy for being bothered by her having a friend over. That maybe she was just going to keep me in a dress after this is over. Lastly, if I was going to act like a pussy she was going to get me something special to wear so I would have a constant reminder I am a pussy. I stood there feeling numb, I know she could see the coloring leave my face even with my foundation and blush on. I excused myself, and she asked if I had anything to say about what she told me? "No," I responded, "for soon enough you will see your 'actions will have consequences.' One of them is that I do not care about what you think or say. You opinions are worthless to me." She said I could always leave; if I did not have the backbone to defend myself, she did not want to see me. How can I defend myself when I am powerless? I willingly said I would be her slave for 30 days, and how she sees it, she has all the cards. It is not worth fighting with her, I will just shell up and get ready to leave her at the end. I hope it does not come down to that. She told me, I was barred from saying that phrase in her presence ever again. I pointed out that it would be for only 23 days. She said even when I was no longer a sissy, and I pointed out again, that would be only 23 days. She was shocked that I said that. She said nothing so I turned around to leave. As I left the room she asked in a soft voice if I had forgot to say something, I replied no? She asked if I was sure, and I said absolutely, there was nothing I wanted to say to her. She looked dumbfounded by that and I swear I heard her whimper some as I left. Day 8 It is just getting worse between me and her. She woke up early today, acting all nice. Like nothing happened yesterday. I think she is having a mental breakdown. I think the role is going to her head and she is like one of the prison guards in the Stanford Prison Experiment from the 1970s. If nothing is wrong then, she did well hiding her sadistic side from me. Anyway she was up and wanted to talk to me. I just gave the shortest answers that I could. That frustrated her. She asked why I couldn't see this was for my own good, that she did not like doing this. That I need to learn a 'lesson' and it will make our relationship stronger, if I only trust her? I could not take it anymore. I told her I cannot trust someone who lies, uses tricks to get their own way. I cannot trust someone who will not trust me enough to tell me about the 'lesson' I need to learn. That she can do what she wants to me, I do not care anymore. I gave the smile which says your 'actions have consequences'. She did not know how to respond. I know she needed to regroup for her voice had no confidence as she told me to leave her and go to my room. I went to the Sissy Servant Quarters. It is funny, I know she said that to get it in my head that it was my room now, but it has the opposite effect on me. I spent some time thinking why she had asked if I forgot something? I almost just put it down as a stupid head game she is playing then it dawned on me - I have not been saying, "I love you" to her". That hurt me when I figured it out. I am now pushing her away also. I decided to use this time to take a nap. For some reason instead of my normal sleepwear, I went with a teddy. It looked comfy . I woke up with her kissing me. I could feel the love and caring in her touch so I forgot about the fighting we have been doing. I could feel her being more of the aggressor and I liked it. She whispered in my ear how sexy I looked. I liked it, it turned me on more. Her hands were all over my body, and I squirmed around some. It felt so good. She then mentioned how good my breasts look in the teddy and how she wished she could kiss my nipples. She removed the breast forms and started to lick and kiss my erect nipples. I slid the teddy off for I did not want to get precum on it. She got up and looked at me. I returned her smile and the joy on her face disappeared. I saw that she had a strap on dildo on and I knew what she wanted. Right then, I was believing that she was her old self, I knew I would have sucked on it. She looked at me and said this was a mistake. She then quickly left the room in a hurry. I am now very confused. How could I forget how she been treating me so quickly, I asked myself? Also, I felt so vulnerable with her standing there with a dildo. She was going to take me and I was going to allow her to. I did feel good for I knew that I would only do that for her. That when she is her old self, she is worthy of me doing that. That as her old self she would never harm me. I went back to sleep and was woken up a couple of hours later by her. She was back to her new self and acted like nothing has happened. I did not say a word - how could I? The rest of the day went as normally as it could. The silence between us was intense. As I bade her goodnight, she finally said something about earlier in the bedroom; she knew I would only have done that for her and no one else. She then asked me again if I had forgotten to say something. This time a tear formed in my eye as I said 'no', for I knew exactly what I had forgotten. Day 9 I do not know what is going on anymore. This is actually driving me crazy, I am going to need the next two months of the summer to recover from this ordeal, the stress and pressure is getting to me. She had me join her for breakfast. She tried to have a normal conversation with me, but I was not having it. I am going to be guarded around her. She looked puzzled as to why I was not being as nice to her as she was to me. It did not really concern her, though; she said she had something fun for me to do. All I could think about was what this fun thing could be, how she is going to torture me this time? I was actually scared to hear it. This madness has to stop! I found out this fun activity she wants me to learn. It is a dance routine to the Little Mix song "Black Magic". Well, most of a dance routine, I need to fill in the rest. She said she wants me to seduce her. She told me to go upstairs to pick out some outfits to try on. I did as instructed, I did not shown any emotions about it. She told me to be a good sport. I replied that I was doing it, and not complaining. She told me to lighten up, this was going to be fun. For her yes, for me no. I do not think I can have fun with her around. I did go up and look in my wardrobe. I picked out a simple black satin dress shift dress with open shoulders and bat sleeves. I thought that fishnet stockings would be good with this dress. I looked at my shoes. I could not believe that I thought, "Dammit , I do not have the right heels." I wanted to do this well, for if something is not done right, it should not be done. It is also, I want to have a great outfit for myself. I saw my pair of ankle boots and thought that they could work. I changed and looked at myself in the mirror. I was shocked at how good I looked. I was also shocked at how it made me feel wonderful. I smiled, for I was peacocking in my own manner. It felt good and I really did not care it was over the clothes I was wearing. They were nice and comfy. I twirled around with my arms out. Yes, the sleeves gave the effect I wanted. I looked so fluid with my motions, and with how the dress draped off me, flowing. That made my movements look graceful. I came downstairs holding in my excitement. I did not want her to use it against me. I was still waiting for her to say, I wanted to suck a cock. That could be why she came into the room yesterday. I am on to her. Before she looked up she asked how many outfits I had brought down? I replied one. She looked up in anger and then it changed to happiness. She said, "Smart choice sissy; I knew you were not as dumb as you've been acting. If you act like this more often, I will reward you. I might even say this is over, but know this, when it is over you can still wear those pretty dresses, and just be my sissy. How would you like that?" "I would have to think about that," I replied. If she is going to lead me on, I am going to do the same with her. She will crash, when, at the end of these 30 days, I laugh in her face. I hate thinking that, but it will be good. She suggested that we watch some television before I start practicing my dance routine. I politely turned her down, telling her that I needed as much practice as I could get if I was going to be any good at dancing. I could tell she was disappointed with my response, but she did not mention it. I got her good, using her own tricks against her. I left the room, and again, she asked if I forgot to say anything? I could not help myself. With a little glee in my voice I said, "yes". I wanted her to ask what, and she did. Then, I hit her with, "Don't worry, I'll do my best with the dance." I spent most of the day until it was time to prepare supper working on my routine. It was actually fun to dance like a woman; it felt freeing and it made me feel ethereal somehow. I felt like a butterfly in the summer sky. I also thought a lot about what is going on. How it went from me thinking of Helen as 'her'; she does not even have a name to me anymore. I am just going to have to move on from 'her' when this is done. I have been thinking of this lately, I thought of women's fashion, how it is so much better than men's. How it is about expressing oneself instead of being utilitarian like men's fashion. I think it helps them express their feelings for they can wear what they feel. They feel sexy? A dress with a high hemline; they feel cozy? An oversize sweatshirt with leggings. The day was going well for me until supper. While serving supper, she invited me to eat with her again, and I said 'yes', for I could not think of a reason not to right away. At supper she told me she had another surprise for me. I held in my contempt for her; she really seemed to think that I was going to like whatever it was she had in store for me. She pulled out a package and told me to open it. I did and was shocked to see what was in it. She got me a prosthetic vagina. I did not think she could shock me, but she did! She told me it was first going to be a gift, then a punishment, but now it is a gift again. I know knew what she meant by having me wear something to remind me that I am a pussy. It will not work. She explained that I earned this for being so obedient to her, and the best part is, I do not have to take it off to pee. She then tried to taunt me for sitting down while peeing, I replied back she does that also. She said I was being so good until then, so why did I have to be sassy again? I said sorry, I was just pointing out there is nothing wrong with sitting down to pee, unless she thought otherwise. I had got to her again, for she always said that men and women should be able to do what they want, even if it was something usually associated with the other sex. She knew it also, for I could see her stumbling while thinking of a good reply. She then looked at me like I should say something, and waited for me to do so. I did not. She asked me what someone says when they get a gift? I replied a person will say 'thank you' if they get a gift. I thought I will be damned if I am going to thank her for getting something to try to humiliate me! She tried to talk down to me by asking what I thought it was; I told her it was not a gift, it was simply to remind me that I was a pussy in her eyes. She pointed out that I was being sassy again, and then said I was a "sassy sissy". I was instructed to put it on and model it for her. She clearly thought it would help beat me down, but someone cannot be beaten down once they have already hit rock bottom. I was at rock bottom when I started to not say, "I love you to her". I am on my way back up - I am taking wearing this as a challenge now, a test of my resolve to keep my word. I put it on and I thought with some makeup to cover the edges around leg opening no one would be able to tell that I was wearing it. It worked better that tucking for it really forced my testicles back into the body cavity and my penis was very snug in the bag inside it. I had to adjust the head of my penis so it was out of the hole. I had to sit while peeing now. That is not a big deal, I sometimes do it anyway. I put on some leggings, I liked how they felt, and also a wraparound blouse. I noticed how it accentuated my bosom; I had to admit I looked good. I looked like a woman, it would take someone really studying me to see that I was not. I felt my crotch and it was smooth. I shook my hips to see my silhouette move and I noticed how nice my curves were. I went downstairs and she complimented me on how feminine I looked. She asked me if I was now getting the lesson she want me to get from this? I told her 'no', so she said I should think about it. I told her I had, but it was hard when she had not been giving me any guidance. She looked disappointed; I don't know why because she knew I'm not good with cryptic stuff. She inspected me, and I felt she wanted to pass more backhanded compliments, but she did not. It was not because she was holding them back, she was seemed out of it, very quiet. I did not know the new her very well, yet I could have sworn she was regretting something. She sat down, and I said, "If I was not needed, I would be going back to the 'Sissy Slave Quarters'". She did say without emotion that I meant my room, then corrected herself and said yes, the 'Sissy Slave Quarters'. She sounded defeated. She excused me, and as I went to leave she asked again if I had forgotten to say something? I told her 'no'. It was strange to see her so weak now; I hated it. I wanted to make it better for her right now, but knew I could not. I also knew that it would hurt me more if I just gave into her. I could not be looking out for her best interests if she was not looking out for mine. She mustered up her strength and informed me that I had forgotten to say 'I love her'. I looked at her and made sure she could see the smirk on my face. I said, "No I did not, for the way she had been acting, I did not love her - I did not feel that I even knew her anymore. How could I love someone who would treat me in such a bad manner? Someone who would not allow me to call her by her name, someone who did not treat me as an equal. I told her that I loved the old her, but what she was now, I had only pity for." She got mad and tried to tell me that she had been nice to me, letting it pass that I had been forgetting to say 'I love her' for the last couple of days. I told her I had not been forgetting to say it, I reiterated that I do did say it for I did not feel love for her, and that maybe she should think about when was the last time she said she loved me! It is sad, but now I am wondering if she ever loved me. How can she treat someone she loves or has loved like this? It makes me wonder what I did, how we had grown so far apart and I did not notice? Did I not give her enough attention; did I not give her enough space? Or did I give her too much attention and too much space? I quit worrying about that for, I had even bigger issues now. That smirk must have gotten to her. She said that the 'consequence of your action' would be that she no longer wanted me to be John's best man, and she told me to call him and tell him I could not make it to the ceremony. I thought she was bluffing and did not care. She told me to do something, so I did it; I kept my word. I knew that doing this, as she said, would have 'consequences' for my friendship with John, but I was prepared for it as not doing so would hurt my relationship with my wife even more; she could not trust me to keep my word to her if I backed down. She was even more furious when she realized I made the call. She thought I was bluffing when I went to make the phone call. By the time she knew I was really talking to John, I had already informed him that I would not be able to be his best man as I would be arriving on a later flight back from a teaching seminar I had to go to. He knew it was something else but did not say anything. I got off the phone, and she demanded to know why I just did that. I told her because she had commanded me to. She tried to say I had not followed her command to a tee, so I replied with, that I would from then on, but she would have to remember that she had instructed me to do so. She was befuddled by that statement, she knew that it was going to backfire on her but not how. She told me to get out of her presence immediately now; that is becoming her 'go to' move when she is mad at me. It does make me feel powerless, for I cannot do the same, but I know it is temporary and she is writing a huge bill which she will have to pay at the end of these 30 days. Day 10 I will say that I never believed in the saying that misery loves company, but I am understanding it. She is making me miserable, and in a way, if I just gave in this might go smoother. I just know that her being miserable also is making being her sissy slave more bearable. It is a very miserable house right now, which used to be filled with laugher and joy. I was in the kitchen and she came down late. I did not wake her up with breakfast for she never told me what time she wanted it. I just always served it at our normal summer breakfast time. She started to yell at me about not serving breakfast. I gave her that grin and said she needed to remember, she had told me to follow her 'instructions to a tee'. "You did not say what time breakfast should be," I told her, "so I am not serving it until you either said so, or it is almost too late to consider it breakfast." She actually let a Charlie Brown "AUGGGGH" out. Talking down to me, she asked if she had to explain everything to me? "Yes," I replied, "if I'm going to get in trouble for following any part of what you dictate to me as you did not expect." She said, I should have known she wanted breakfast at the normal time. "I will spell it out for you - make me some French toast now!" "So you want French toast?" I asked innocently, which got her even more annoyed. "Just in case you can't figure it out, I want it in bed," she informed me in a sarcastic manner, as I was leaving the room. I followed the plainest French toast recipe that I knew; there was no nutmeg, cinnamon or vanilla in the milk and egg batter. I did not put powder sugar or butter on them. I did not put syrup on the serving tray. I did not pour her coffee or a glass of orange juice to drink with her meal. She wanted me to follow her 'instructions to a tee', she got it; she asked for French toast, she got it. I know I am being petty, but I am fighting fire with fire. Even with being petty, I still consider myself on moral high ground. I am treating another how they are treating me. I did turn the other cheek many times, but I was pushed too many times, so I started to resist; that behavior is not unique. I served her the French toast and she was so annoyed. She asked where the rest of her breakfast was; coffee, OJ, syrup, melted butter and powdered sugar? I informed her that she had not asked for any of that; I also reminded her that I even repeated her request and with her wanting me to follow her word to a 'tee', that I did. I was not obliged to do anymore. She asked me why I was being so difficult, why I couldn't just do what she said? "This could be over you know if you just got that 'lesson'," she said. I told her I did follow her orders, she just did not like the results, and that maybe she should be more clear on conveying what she wants, if she was going to be so particular. I know that she is just again trying to build my hopes up for at the beginning she would say, "This will be over soon"; now it is 'could'. A small difference in wording but huge difference in meaning. Now it means when she is ready for it to be over it will be, she's enjoying it too much for it end a minute before midnight of the 30th night. I looked at her, and she asked what I was waiting for. I said for her to say what she wanted me to do. Annoyed, she said, "Fine, I want you to get me breakfast, this time with all the trimmings." I grinned when she said that for I was certainly going to give her all the trimmings. She knew what I was thinking, so she gave detailed instructions. They were almost perfect but she did not say my French toast. When I make French toast, I always said I am making my French toast. I still had a smirk on my face and she could not figure out why. I came back with the second breakfast and she took a bite. She mention about the toast being bland. I said nothing. She then asked why it was bland? I informed her that she said to make French toast, so I did, I did not use my recipe for she did not tell me to. She commanded me out of her presence, saying I was not worthy to be in it. I agreed with her by adding, I deserve to be in better company than hers. She told me to remember my own words: 'actions have consequences'. That does not bother me for she cannot make my life any more miserable than it is now. I am sure that after 21 more days I will not be with the woman I love, though I should say I am not with her now for she is not her. I went to practice my dance routine. I am getting pretty good at it. It is amazing what having wider hips do for when you shake them. I have a new reason to want to do it well, in honor of who my wife used to be. I think of about how she used to be and I know I would be happy doing this for her. It is sad that she is gone. I actually did not hear from her until before I was going to prepare her supper. She came in and told me there was no need for me to make supper as she was going out; she was dress for a night out on the town. I said that was fine and she wanted to know if I was curious as to where she was going? I told her 'no'. She mentioned how she was dressed; I said I could see it. She told me not to wait up for her; I told her I was not planning on it unless she commanded me to. I finally got some rest in my house for the rest of the evening. I could have put on some of my old clothes but did not. It was not for fear of getting caught, it was because I had given her my word. I just got comfy in a loose tunic and leggings. Women's clothes in general are made with a higher thread count than men's so they feel so much softer. One thing about the rest, I got away from her, well I should not say 'rest', it's simply less stressful. I should not feel so much stress being around the woman I am married to, but sadly I do. I should never think of time away from her as a reprieve, but again, sadly I do. Day 11 It was really an uneventful day. The first one since she started to call me Marci. I held off making her breakfast until she ordered me to. She actually commended me for doing so, but I was apathetic about her praise. She asked me if I still thought I should be able to go to the bachelor/bachelorette party coming up in two days? I said it did not matter what I think, she was the Mistress. She said it would be nice to see me out of the house where I was not her slave - I responded by saying she could end this any time she wanted . At that, she asked why I was "biting the hand that feeds?" I said, 'I was not, just telling her the truth'. She then told me she was doing this for me. I did not want to press my luck for I could not come up with an elegant manner to talk back to her with. I knew if I used tact or whatever she said back at her, then she could not punish me, so I just said, "I know". She looked intrigued, like she thought I made a breakthrough, and asked me how I knew; I responded "Because you told me so." She looked disappointed and dismissed me to practice., Back to the bachelor party she mentioned. First, I have to say, my opinion on them and also the female version of them. If you need to go out, and be wild one last time, then it might not be a good idea to get married. I think the only thing lamer than a bachelor party without strippers is one with strippers. There was only one woman I wanted to see naked up to a couple of days ago, that was my wife. Now I do not even want to see her naked, because I do not feel that closeness and connection to her anymore. I know if I told her that, she would say it is because I am becoming a sissy. That is not true, for I have always been like that. I need feelings to want to see a woman naked, or be with her. I do not need to prove my manhood by ogling a complete stranger who is only naked to make money. My male ego does not need to be stroked by the plastic flirting a stripper does to earn her keep. I do not need to fantasize about a woman, I cannot have, to spice up my sex life. I am secure in who I am. I know I am a man. It does not matter now, that I found out about liking to express a new side of me. It helps me be to be more open. Some of the clothes are so comfy. I found out I like comfy. I found out I like to be able to enhance how I want to feel by picking the right clothes. I will figure out how to do that with men's clothes when this is over. Lastly, I know that me as Marci, in so many ways, is more of a man than most of the men I know. The rest of the day was peaceful for me. I not only am nailing the moves, but also singing the song. I usually hate pop music because it is so catchy, and this song certainly is. I find myself humming it a lot. If I did not opine on the bachelor party, and how I am still a man even while liking pretty things; I would have talked more about the chores. I do not bring them up for it is nothing to me, I have done chores before. I will say, I did find it funny her trying to demean me while doing them. She quit trying that a couple of days ago. I mean, like I said, I have done them before, so it is no big deal; or I just point out that she has done them and there is a good chance she will have to do more when these 30 days are over. Day 12 The shit has hit the fan! I repeat, the shit has hit the fan! She has gone over the line. I know I played a part in it, but she has still gone over the line. I thought I had empathy towards her, I was wrong. She is now bringing in the sanctity of our marriage. The worst part is, I do not know what I did to cause it to happen, but I touched an extremely sensitive nerve. She brought up the bachelor party again today, asking me what I thought of strippers. I wanted to joke about how I do not like using them as the fumes get me dizzy. I miss joking with her. Instead I said, I do not think anything of them. She twisted my words, and said, "You think they are nothing?" I did get mad at that, and said, "I would never think another human being is nothing." I thought she was going to drop it for she backed down right away and without using that Mistress bullshit. She then went on to ask me, if I thought strippers are stupid? I told her I did not know, I do not think about strippers as I have much better things to think about. She said not to give her any sass. I laughed to myself for if she truly meant to treat me like a sissy, she would not have used that word, she would have said "Do not be smart with me" or something like that. It is funny how the mindset of a person sees and changes the words they use to describe an action. Men would be assertive, women would be bitches to those small minded people. She used another line of questioning about strippers. Does she think I have some deep dark secrets about strippers? I finally asked her why she was suddenly asking all these questions about strippers? She told me that I knew why if I thought hard enough. I had enough, I did not care what the punishment would be. It could not be any worse than what she was doing so I said, I did not know why, which was why I asked. She then got cryptic with me, saying I should think about the last time I talked about strippers. I told her I did not think I ever talked about them in any great detail so I could not. Then out of the blue, she said Cindy would say otherwise. I looked at her, and said I did not care what Cindy would say about anything, and what did she have to do with my point of view on strippers, or anything else? She looked disappointed, and said I should know. I was totally lost; I said I should not, because Cindy had nothing to do with any of this. I also told her she was now just playing head games with me and should quit it. She was getting mad at me demanding her to quit it, was the final straw; I should have never demanded that. I am not saying I was wrong because I am her "sissy slave", I am saying that because I have no right to order anyone else around. She told me that I was going to call John and inform him that I would not be going to the bachelor party. She grinned when she said, the reason I would give is, that I was not feeling like myself. She thought it was cute, having an inside reference to me dressing like a sissy as my excuse. I know that if I was not so mad, I would have found it funny, but not then and not now. I went and called John and told him; he just said he would see me at the wedding. It really was no big deal to him, and in a way he could see it was coming. I am not one for strip clubs and bachelor parties and the only reason I was going before was that I was his best man. It would be wrong for the best man not to be at the bachelor party. Talking to him calmed me down, for I realized that her punishment was actually a reward. I did not have to be around men trying to see the pecking order they are in and I get a night without being around her. I call that win-win. That is when the shit really hit the fan; she then made innuendos about maybe finding a real man while out. That is the cruelest thing she has ever done to me, and I just went quiet. If she had said it two weeks ago, I would have known that she was joking. I did not care about the real man part, for I am secure in who I am, but I did care about the cheating part. When I went quiet, she kept needling me to try to get a reaction, saying a real man would not take that kind of talk from his woman, and that it would be refreshing to be challenged by a man, as I was just letting her walk all over me. She said about how I was dressed, in a skirt, lace blouse and a silk cami underneath it. How could I ever think that she would want to be with me again? I just stood there thinking, "My marriage is over". What caused it? A 'lesson' she never told me I needed to learn, then her not caring about that 'lesson'. Her being more concerned about the "power" she had over me. She never had power over me; I did this because I gave my word to the woman I loved, I did this because she wanted me to. I made the decision to do so, and my reward was that I helped destroyed something beautiful. I never thought doing the right thing would lead to losing the most important thing to me. She just left the room and stayed away from me for the rest of the rest of the day. That is for the best, we are like fire and ice; we destroy each other. I might even go back on my word and end this, although that is just so hard for me to do. Day 13 It got worse between us. Each day we get farther apart. Each day she is even less of the person that I married, if she ever was that person? I do not understand why she is acting like this is a game, I do not understand why she cannot see the damage which is done to what we had, and I do not understand how she can act like she did nothing yesterday. I served her breakfast and left the room. She did not say anything other than thanks and complimented the good service. I practiced my dance routine and then she knocked on the door. I was surprised that she knocked, she does not have to for she is "Mistress." She said we need to talk. I replied if you say so. She told me to quit. I asked her what. She just said we need to talk. I said then talk. She said it would be nice if I went out tonight with the guys and then we can hang out when the two parties meet, but I said that would hamper her meeting a real man. She lost it again, she said the next time, I talked to John, I will be telling him that I cannot make the wedding. She pointed out that it is during the time I am a sissy house slave, so I can be barred from going by her and she said that this punishment was her fault for trying to be nice to a stupid useless sissy, and left the room in a hurry. I know I have been saying this many times, but my marriage is over. I am not going to leave until my 30 days are up just so I can keep my word. I am also not leaving, she is. This is my parents old home and they sold it to me before we got married. The mortgage is in my name and I will be damned if she gets it. She left for the party, told me not to wait up. Again, I was not planning on it. I did something which I am not proud of; I got the memory card from our camera and erased all the pictures of me as Marci on it. While doing so I did check her computer to see if she downloaded them to it. I should have saved one for me, because as Marci the camera loves me. I should have known she has not for that would take effort. She still has not read this journal. She has become lazy with "power". While performing my dirty deed, which I regret, but it had to be done, John called me. He was already drunk and he asked me if I wanted to go to the bachelor party. He always tries to get me to be more social while he is drunk. I am not like him, and the only reason we are still friends is that we grew up together. If we met now we would not click. I told him no, and also informed him that I would not be going to the wedding now. He asked if it was something he done. I said no, it was personal issues and that I regretted that my personal life was interfering with his big day. He asked if I wanted to talk about it and I said, when I could, I would, but it would be after his honeymoon. Then he said he was going to come over; I panicked and said no. I regained my cool and said I just needed to be left alone which he understood for I can be introverted when I need to think about issues. Anyway, I went to sleep and she came into the room. I acted like I was still asleep for I did not want to deal with her. She just stood there looking at and I could sense something wasn't right. I am really thinking she is having a nervous breakdown. I am so concerned about her right now, I do not know what to do. I have to make sure she gets help, but I do not see us staying together. Then again, I cannot blame her for her actions if she is not mentally well. While she was standing there, I thought that I was going to blow my charade. I did not, she went to leave, and the door creaked. I acted like I just woke up and asked her what she wanted? She did a complete 180, she is now furious, asking me how dare I do what I did. I gave that smile which says what I cannot say and told her that only I followed her commands. She then taunted me with her flirting with the new best man, Carl. I almost laugh in her face. That would not make me jealous. He is vain and does not care about anyone else. In fact, if we do not work this out, I pray she ends up with him. She would be miserable with him. She will not have an in depth conversation with him, he will always dismiss her, and she will not feel love. He is not capable of loving another for he is too wrapped up in himself. I wished her a good time at the wedding. She wished me sweet sissy dreams, and I did not return any good wishes. I heard her sob as she slammed the door. I found that bizarre and with the last 2 weeks, me finding anything strange is a feat. Day 14 Free at last, now the real hard part putting my life back together, or maybe ours. I am saying ours for I am going to find out what the hell this is all about. I know I am free and do not have to write in you, but I want to. I want this to be a complete journal of my times and tribulations as a sissy slave. I woke up to get breakfast and see how quickly she would dismiss me from her presence. I do not mind that 'punishment', for then I do not have to deal with her. I went downstairs and she was making pancakes and offered me some. I politely declined. She said, "Come on I know how much you like pancakes." I did not care if I like her pancakes, I did not want them, so I just said 'no'. Then jokingly, she commanded me to take them. I begrudgingly ate them. She notice that I did not put syrup or butter on them. She said, "Don't make me command you to do so". I just gave her a stare. She said she was joking, and to eat them however I wanted. She then started to talk about why most men are jerks, I said because they have to deal with people like her. I said that fishing for a fight, but she did not take the bait. She was hurt by what I said and tried to blow it off as a joke, but we both knew it wasn't She then asked again, and this time I did respond seriously. "It is because most people do not have their priorities straight," I told her. "They are more worried about status than who they are; it's style over substance." "You're never like that with me, you're always about substance," she said. "I am who I am," I replied. She then brought up how great I treat others; I do not see it that way, I treat people how I want to be treated. It is a simple way to live life but it works. She then asked why I am not like that with Cindy? I told her I am, she has been bringing up Cindy and how I view or treat her in a negative manner. I do view her in bad light, but would never treat her without respect. She then said, "You still don't know, do you?" I said I was lost; I should have asked her to tell me, but I did not for I am sick of her rejecting it. She then said she only said about Carl yesterday to make me feel how she felt, she had been lashing out. She looked down and said she had even flirted with him so she would not be lying to me when she brought it up. To me, that made sense, she believed that she would do anything so she wanted to stay something truthful when she taunted me about it. It does not make what she did right, but I do understand it. I could see the anger and hatred in her face when she said his name. My mind went to dark places, that he was rough with her when she tried to get away from him. If he did, I was done with this slave thing, and I was going to talk with him, well, not really talk. I asked if he had hurt her; her reply was 'no', she had hurt herself. That got me in the heart. She got up, said that is why she loves me, and then kissed me on the cheek so tenderly. I saw the pain in her face for me not saying 'I love her'; I know that is what it was. I could feel her love for me, at that moment, I could feel her shame for how she has been treating me; and I could sense that she might be grasping that she has gone too far. It might be too little too late; I did not, and still do not, know what is going on. I wish I could help her, I wish I knew what that stupid 'lesson' was, I wish I never had doubts about it. I know wishing is just complaining so I am going to try to help her; I am going to get her to tell me what the stupid lesson is, and I will try better not to doubt what she says to me. She said she was going to lie down and I should take the day off and relax, maybe even join her in our bed. She said our bed, she did not correct it either. I said I couldn't as I needed to do my best for my performance tonight for her and anyway I cannot join her in her bed without her saying I am allowed to. She put her head down and as she walked out of the room, said, "I know, 'actions have consequences'!" I actually felt sad for her, not pity. She got what she wanted, and it is making her miserable. She is too stubborn to admit it, and end this game. It could be that she knows she went too far and does not want to face the consequences. If she was regretting what she has done, she should just quit it now. I did not see her until I did my routine. It was in our basement and how she had the lighting she was standing in the dark. I could tell by her body language it was to hide how she was feeling. I nailed my routine. I will say that up a couple of days ago, I would never have thought that I would so enjoy doing it. The way she leaned in to watch it, I could tell she was enjoying it and made her forget for a moment how down she was. After I seductively whisper the last line of the song in her ears, she kissed me and said that she was going to have what was hers. I do not know what came over me, for I replied "Yes Mistress" and meant it. That was the first time I meant it. We made our way up to the bedroom, kissing and groping each other on the way there. We got there, and like the last time with the dildo, she was more of the aggressor. She not only ripped off my panties, she took the prosthetic vagina off. She then, started to just lick my penis. I never felt pleasure this way before. It sent chills up and down my entire body. I actually started to moan loudly. I did not care, for it felt so good. She then hopped on my fully erect cock. She rode me, and I slightly rotated my hips. She then moved off of me and we got position so we were half off the bed. I started to fuck her hard. Thinking back on it, that must have looked funny. Me in a bra and dolled up fucking my wife. At the time I thought it looked and felt sexy. She told me to call out her name. I did and got my freedom as we both reached orgasm. That made it so hot! The afterglow of the sex was great. I was feeling free and we actually acted like everything was back to normal. I felt good about our chances of working this out. Not simply because the sex was great, but for how close we felt. I took a shower and got dressed in my old sleeping garb. She then changed again, calling me a sissy, and asking why I was dressed how I was. I informed her that she said my name and I said hers, so my servitude was over. That got her mad, but she had to relent for she knew I was right, she knew that there was no way to back out of her word. I kept my word and will make her keep hers also. That is when everything started to crash down on her. I saw her become numb and confused. She felt powerless; exactly how she tried to make me feel over the last two weeks. In her state of confusion she got up to leave. I tried to stop her; not to fight anymore, but so she did not harm herself. I mean, she was in no state to drive. She left anyway. It was bittersweet for I still do not know if I will ever see my Helen again. I do not know if she will be able to face me now for she knows what she did. I want to see her again, to make sure she gets help and also to see if we can work it out. I love her again. I also known that it will go away when she does not act how she has been. It will take time and effort on both of our parts, but I am going to give her my heart again if she shows she wants it. (This is where the journal ended when Helen read it in Actions Have Consequences) Day 15 This is the actual end of this chapter in our story. Today was draining, but the best day I had. Helen and I started to work this out. I am mad at her actions, but not her; she was doing the wrong thing, but for the right reasons. I am mad at the breakdown we had in communication, and I am mad that she took Cindy's word on what happened. We worked together well as a team again. We are being open with each other and helping each other. I have faith this will work itself out; that is, as long as we both want it and put the time and effort into doing so. Whichever way it goes, we have both learned some things about ourselves.