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Three Percent Error free porn video
This is just a short story inspired by a phone call I got after the last
presidential debate. Nothing special and done very quickly but I hope
you like it.
THREE PERCENT ERROR
By Persephone
My name is John and I was sitting alone in my Den watching TV drinking a
beer and having a late night snack when the phone rang. It was about
10:50 PM and I wondered who the hell would be calling me this late at
night. I always worry about late night phone calls so I picked it up and
said, "Hello."
"Hello. This is a 'Quick Poll' being done by KXYZ Action News and we
would like to have a moment of your time to answer a few questions about
the upcoming elections. If you are willing to take a minute and answer
these short questions please press 'one' on your touch-tone phone now."
"Damn polls." I mumbled under my breath. I was thinking, 'If it isn't
someone wanting to sell me something it's some kind of poll for the
elections in November! Oh what the hell, why not. I'll see if I can
screw with their results.' So I pressed the 'one' and waited.
"Thank you for agreeing to take this poll. Your answers will be compiled
and you may see the results of this poll on KXYZ TV Action News at 11:00
o-clock tonight."
"Please answer as accurately as possible after each question by pushing
the number on your touch-tone phone that corresponds with your answer."
"If the elections were held today would you vote for; George W. Bush,
John Kerry, or Other. Press one for Bush, two for Kerry, or three for
Other."
I pushed 'one' on my phone and the recording continued.
"If you watched the debates tonight press 'one' on your touch-tone
phone. If you didn't watch the debates, press 'two.'"
I knew where that was leading so I pressed 'one' again.
"In the debate tonight..." the computer voice continued. "do you feel
that George W. Bush won? Or do you feel that John Kerry won? Or do you
feel that both Bush and Kerry were about even?"
"Press 'one' for Bush, 'two' for Kerry, or 'three' for about Even."
I figured 'What the heck.' And pushed 'one' again.
This drill went on for another couple of minutes and I did my best to
skew their poll results for the National, State and local elections.
Then the computer voice came back and said, "Thank you very much for
participating in our KXYZ Action News poll. This was a poll of randomly
selected phone numbers in the tri county metropolitan area. You may view
the results of this poll on the KXYZ channel 2 news at 11:00 o-clock
tonight. Before we conclude this poll we would like to ask you a few
personal questions for statistical purposes only. Please answer as
accurately as possible."
'Geesh! This is getting old.' I thought. "Okay, so let's get it over
with." I spoke to the computer in frustration.
The computer continued, "What is your gender? Press 'one' for male or
press 'two' for female.
'Ha!' I thought. 'The women are still in second place. Yes!' and I
pressed the 'two' on my phone. That should screw things just a little.
"What is your age group?" The computer asked. "If you are between 18 and
25 press 'one.' If you are between 26 and 35 press 'two.' If you are
between 36 and 45 press 'three.' If you are between 46 and 55 press
'four.' If you are between 56 and 65 press 'five.' If you are over 65
press 'six'."
Guess if you are over 65 they don't care all that much about your age.
Oh well, I should press five but let's give this to the younger
generation. I pressed 'one' on my phone.
"Are you married or single?" If you are married press 'one.' If you are
single press 'two.'"
'Gotta change that too.' I thought so I pressed the 'one.' I was really
single and always had been. I was a male, 56 years old and couldn't see
that changing in the near or distant future. I lived alone in the house
I had grown up in and inherited from my folks. I didn't need a wife and
certainly didn't need any kids.
Speaking of kids, the computed interrupted my thoughts with, "Do you
have any children living in the house with you under the age of 18?" If
yes, press 'one.' If no, press 'two.'"
I pressed the 'one.' And the computer immediately came back with,
"Please press the number on your touch-tone phone that corresponds with
the number of children you have under the age of 18."
I went ahead and hit the 'three' button.
The computer came back at me with, "Now we understand that this is a
sensitive issue for many but it is strictly for statistical purposes. We
would like to know your ethnic background. If you are White press 'one.'
If you are African American press 'two.' If you are Native American
press 'three.' If you are Hispanic press 'four.' If you are Asian press
'five.' Other press 'six.' If you prefer not to answer press 'seven'."
I thought about it and pressed the 'one' on my phone. Gotta tell the
truth sometime. They now thought I was a white female between the ages
of 18 and 25.
"We would like to know what political party affiliation you have. If you
are a Democrat press 'one.' On your touch?tone phone. If you are a
Republican press 'two.' If you are an Independent press 'three.'
Well, I figured I was getting pretty independent about this time so I
pressed the 'three' button.
The computer started up again, "We at KXYZ channel 2 Action News would
like to thank you for participating in or political poll of the tri-
county area. Please tune in at 11:00 o-clock tonight to see the latest
World, National, State and Local breaking news and other news of the day
and the results of this poll." And then there was a click on the line
and we were disconnected.
I hung up the phone and laughed, "I wonder how many other guys there are
out there that did the same thing I just did. These polls can't really
be worth much. They have no idea who they're talking to." I turned up
the volume on the TV and turned to channel 2. The news was just coming
on so I watched it while wondering just what they were going to do with
the results that I punched in from a fictitious white female who was an
Independent, in her mid twenties, Married and with three kids.
They droned on about the debate, world and national news and then came
to the local news. Part way into it they mentioned the poll they had
just taken in the tri-county area and gave the results. When they were
done the news anchor said that the KXYZ Action News polls were
guaranteed accurate with an error rating of less than 3% and then they
said good night to the tri county area and an ad came on.
I was just sitting there sipping my diet Pepsi and brushing the cracker
crumbs off my blouse while thinking that I must be part of that 3% error
when a strange man walked into the room and came over and kissed me on
the top of my head and said, "I just checked the kids, Sarah. All four
of them are sound asleep already. Good thing its Friday night and they
don't have to get up at the usual time tomorrow. Staying up to watch the
debates wore them out. I still don't see what they'll get out of it at
their age. The oldest is only five."
I sat there in shock. Four kids? I put down three in that poll. That
must be the 3% error rate they were talking about.
"Well, are you ready for bed, Honey." He started again. "I'm not in the
least worn out but we can do other things, heh, heh, heh." He said with
a smirk on his face as he took my hand and pulled me from the easy
chair, wrapped his arms around me and planted a kiss on my lips.
When he was finished I smoothed my skirt as I looked down at myself and
thought, 'Something is just not right here but I can't figure out what
it is. How did we get four kids? I was sure we only had three. Oh well,
who cares about a stupid poll anyway?'
© Persephone 10/8/2004
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