Mommy's New Girl
By Jasmine Lee
It's true that I had become accustomed to drama in my family. My father
was loud and mean, especially when he was drunk, which was most
evenings and every weekend. He would back my poor mother into a corner
of the kitchen and berate her, towering over her in that threatening
way that I knew so well, telling her she was fat and ugly and stupid
and spending too much money on me. He would get louder and louder until
she finally began to tremble and sob - then he would storm out of the
house in disgust, as if her crying gave him the right to leave his
"silly emotional wife" and visit his drinking buddies.
Yes, I had become accustomed to this sort of thing, so I was amazed and
confused when it suddenly stopped. One day he left and never came home.
It seems there had been an accident. He had been killed. I shed tears,
but not for my father. I cried because I was frightened, and because my
mother was so upset. The day it happened, she discovered she was
pregnant. She was alone with a 13 year old boy and another child on the
way. She wept for days. I tried to console her, but I didn't know what
to say. I didn't really understand.
Then one day, she was over it. I came home from school just as her
insurance man was leaving. There was good news financially; we would
not have to worry about money for a long time. Mother suddenly knew
exactly what she wanted to do. She motioned me over to join her on the
couch and put her arm around my shoulder.
"Honey, we're going to be leaving this awful place. We're going to live
with Grandma in the country. Won't that be nice?"
"Will I be going to a new school there?"
"No, dear, I think we will try home school for a while. Do you
remember, Grandma was a teacher before she retired? I think it will be
nice for the three of us to spend more time together. Anyway, the kids
in the country can be rough sometimes. I think we all need some peace
and quiet for a while, don't you?"
"Yes, Mother."
I figured that they were trying to make it up to me - losing Dad and
all - because Mother and Grandma were so nice to me after we moved.
They always called me "Sweetie" and "Darling" instead of my real name
(Chris) and were so patient and gentle with me. I overheard them
talking about it in the laundry room one time, so I knew I was right.
Grandma said,
"The poor child has been exposed to a lot of roughness and ugliness,
dear. He'll grow up to be rough and ugly himself if we don't introduce
him to gentler, kinder ways. I want him to have the kind of childhood
you had, honey. It's not too late for him to learn."
Mother didn't say a word, which seemed strange. But I liked what I was
hearing. She was always talking about how happy she had been growing
up. How much fun she and Grandma had doing things together. I didn't
miss being chewed out and called names by Dad one bit - I felt safe and
happy now.
Truth is, I had been a major disappointment to my Dad. I was small for
my age, and very immature physically. In other ways, too, I suppose. He
had always let me know that I wasn't living up to his expectations.
He'd look me over with a withering glare and shake his head in
disbelief. "Jeez, what a wuss," he'd say, and then get furious when
tears welled up in my eyes at his cruel words.
Before very long, Mother began to have her morning sickness and other
symptoms of pregnancy. Grandma made a big fuss about how she needed to
get her rest and shouldn't overdo, and Mother seemed to enjoy the
concern and attention. Mother was very affectionate with me - more than
she had been for years, and I really liked it. We would sit on the
porch swing together and she would sing songs to me, just like when I
was little.
One day, while we were rocking slowly together in the swing, she held
me close, took my hand and placed it on her tummy, and spoke very
softly.
"Sweetie, you know that Mommy is going to have a baby, don't you?"
"Yes, Mother."
"Do you understand what that means? It means that a precious little
girl or boy is growing inside of Mommy right now. Isn't that
wonderful?"
"Yes," I nodded.
"Oh honey, it is so magical being a woman, having this miracle taking
place inside of you. If you want me to, I'll let you know how it feels
so you'll know what it's like to be a Mommy. Would you like that?"
"Yes, I really would!" She was almost whispering to me now, enveloping
me in her arms. I felt so close to her.
"Would you like to help Mommy while she's having our baby, dear? I
won't be able to do my usual housework, and it will be so hard on
Grandma to do it all. Would you be willing to help her a little?"
I paused, and pulled away slightly. "Do you mean like cooking and
cleaning and that kind of stuff?"
"She stiffened slightly and spoke less softly, "Now I know your father
said that boys shouldn't do such things, but good boys want to help
their mommies. Are you a good boy?"
I missed her soft voice and wanted it to return. "Yes, Mother, I am.
I'll help. I don't mind. Really!"
"That's my darling! Would you like to start right now?"
My eyes widened.
"I don't mean housework, I mean helping Mommy?"
"I guess so."
"Will you brush my hair for me, honey? It calms me and makes me feel so
much better."
I could feel my heart pumping and there was a hollow space in my
stomach. She had never asked me to do anything like this before. I
loved Mother's hair; it was very long and golden brown, with soft curls
that banked and swayed when she moved. I loved it when her hair would
accidentally brush across my face or my arm. But I never imagined I
would be allowed to touch it. My excitement made me nervous.
"I...I guess so. But I don't think I know how."
"Oh, Mommy will teach you, sweetie. Or Grandma will show you. It will
be such a great help for me if you'll brush it every morning and every
evening. Would you like that?"
I swallowed hard. "OK."
We walked arm in arm to her bedroom where Mother sat on the stool in
front of her dressing table. Grandma joined us with an air of
anticipation, as if she knew this was going to happen. She helped
Mother remove a barrette from one side and motioned for me to remove
the other one.
"Now be gentle darling," she said, you don't want to tangle or damage
your Mother's beautiful hair, do you?"
"No, Grandma."
"Now, dear, spread her pretty curls across her back."
I was very stiff, as if her hair would fall out if I touched it too
roughly. Mother noticed.
"Oh, honey, don't be afraid to handle it!" She turned towards me and
playfully gathered some tresses and whisked them across my face. It
tickled and I giggled. Then she pulled me close by her side and let the
curls fall on the far side of my own head, so that in the mirror, it
looked like it was my hair. Then she began to brush it on the far side
of me.
I reached up and touched it, then smoothed it against my cheek. Grandma
let out a little squeal of excitement. "Oh honey, you look just like
your Mommy when she was a girl!"
I flushed with embarrassment, but Mother pulled me close, smothering my
alarm, and then she got business-like.
"OK, enough horseplay. Let's start brushing my hair before it becomes a
tangled mess!"
She and Grandma showed me how to brush in long graceful movements,
starting at the ends and moving toward her scalp, smoothing with my
fingers after each stroke. They had me count to 100 for each section of
her hair - 500 strokes in all. In the end, her hair shone like nothing
I had ever seen. I could smell its fragrance. I couldn't keep my hands
off of it. Finally, I put my arms around Mother from behind and buried
my face in it.
Mother exclaimed, "Well now, I think my sweetie likes my hair, don't
you dear?" Grandma chuckled approvingly.
"Oh yes, Mother, it is so beautiful!"
"Then you will help me brush it twice a day?"
"Oh yes, Mother! Please let me!" I was completely intoxicated.
"Of course you can, honey. You do it very well, almost as well as
Grandma. And if you want, I can show you how to make it into braids and
pretty buns and up-dos. Would you like that?"
I was so drunk on her curls, I forgot to be embarrassed. "Oh yes,
Mother, that would be lovely!" 'Lovely?' That's a word I never used
before. But before I could cover my tracks, Mother said.
"You have been very sweet to Mommy, so now you can go out and play if
you want."
Nothing was further from my mind, but I went just to break the spell a
little. I stumbled around in the yard, looking at the fields and the
sky, still reeling from my experience of my mother's beauty. Gradually,
I remembered who I was supposed to be - a boy who had contempt for
girlish things. My expression hardened; I tightened my jaw. I marched
back into the house, determined to resist the perils of living with two
women.
But as soon as I entered the house, my Grandma resumed the attack on my
fragile boyhood. "Chrissy!" I hated it when she called me that. "Your
Mommy says you are going to help me with the housework. Time to get
started."
Her voice came from the kitchen - I followed it, determined to make my
excuses, but she ambushed me as soon as I entered, thrusting my arms
into a frilly apron. Before I knew what had happened, I was wearing it
and she was behind me, tying the apron strings into a pretty bow. It
was a light blue and white gingham, with white lace trim, and it was
too large for me. The long and flouncey front made me look like I was
wearing a dress. Mother came in as I turned to face Grandma and threw
her arms around me.
"Oh! How darling! My old apron - the one I made in home ec when I was a
girl! Mom, I can't believe you still have it! And honey, you are so
sweet to wear it for me. You really know how to cheer Mommy up, don't
you?" Her arms swallowed me and she began to weep a little. Still, I
resisted.
"But Mommy... I mean Mother!" I couldn't believe I'd said that. I
hadn't called her Mommy in years, but they had been saying it so much
recently, I just fell into it.
Mother saw my embarrassment. "Oh honey, you can call me Mommy if you
like! I think it's sweet. It makes me feel younger." And before I could
say more, "Now dear, I want you to help Grandma prepare dinner. She's
going to teach you how to do so many things, so you can help while I'm
not feeling well enough, just like you said you would."
"But I never said I'd wear an apron."
"Of course you must wear an apron, dear! Housework gets messy
sometimes, and I can't have you ruining your clothes."
"But it's so... girly."
"Is that what's bothering you? OK, sweetie. Next time we go to town,
I'll let you pick out a nice new apron all for your own."
I pictured myself trying on aprons in public. "Never mind!"
Later that evening, it was time to brush Mommy's hair again. This time,
I knew what I was doing and it was just as wonderful as before. When
I'd finished, she gave me a big hug and a kiss. "Honey, you'd better go
hang your apron in the kitchen before you go to bed, OK?"
I couldn't believe it - I was still wearing it! Hours after I stopped
helping Grandma. Why hadn't I taken it off? I blushed with
embarrassment. Mommy noticed, took me by the shoulders, and put me in
front of the mirror.
"I don't know why you're so embarrassed to wear my apron, honey!
Everyone knows aprons are just for keeping clean. And you look so nice
in it, too. See?"
She smoothed and spread it over my shorts and it looked even more like
a dress. Then she took her hairbrush and touched up my hair a bit, to
improve the effect. It dawned on me that I hadn't been to the barber in
weeks. Not since Dad had died two months ago, in fact. It was beginning
to cover my ears and felt funny. I swallowed and said.
"Don't you think I should get a haircut, Mommy?"
"I guess it has been awhile, dear. If you want to. I've kind of enjoyed
seeing it grow out a little. You know, you have hair exactly like mine,
sweetie. The same texture and color. It's a shame you can't wear it
longer, but I understand. We'll get it cut tomorrow."
I looked at Mommy's shimmering hair and had second thoughts. My fingers
still tingled from caressing it. It's fragrance still hung over me. I
wondered what it was like to have such a heavenly cloud of softness
swirling about my shoulders.
"Well, maybe it can grow a little longer, but not much."
"Whatever you say dear!"
As Mommy rubbed cold cream on her face, I lingered and stared
absentmindedly at the mirror, one hand playing with my hair, the other
spreading the lacy hem of my apron. Suddenly, I looked like a girl!
Startled and scared, I raced out of her room to the kitchen and took
off my apron, tossed it onto the peg on the broom closet door. I was
breathing heavily, wondering if Mommy had noticed me preening in front
of the mirror, just like a girl!
Home school with Mommy and Grandma was much more fun than regular
school. I learned how to make things, how to cook, how to sew. I
couldn't believe they were counting housework as schoolwork. There was
a lot of reading to do, though. Grandma said that it was time for me to
read all of Jane Austen's novels, and I really enjoyed them.
The three of us talked about the stories and the characters quite a
bit. We even acted out some of the scenes. Every week, I had to write
an essay on a subject she gave me. Like, "Describe Elizabeth Bennett's
sisters - what they look like, how each one feels about getting
married, which of the men in the story would make the best match for
them and why." One day, she showed me a paper doll book of fashions
from the early 19th Century and we had loads of fun picking dresses and
hairdos for the different characters.
As the weeks went by, Mommy began to show a little. One morning, after
I had finished brushing her hair, she made me change places with her
and started brushing my hair while she talked. It felt so good.
"Sweetie, I promised you that I would let you know how it feels to be
having a baby. Do you remember?"
"Yes."
"Would you still like that?"
"Yes, Mommy."
"Well OK, then. I am going to show you some things that mommies usually
don't show their little boys. But you and I are so close, so it will be
all right."
She walked me over to the edge of her bed and opened the front of her
robe. I gasped at the sight as her enormous breasts fell into view. I
couldn't believe it! They were huge, and the nipples so large and dark,
almost like chocolate, but with a pinkish glow. My mouth popped open
and my eyes widened. She laughed gently.
"You have seen them before, you know. You used to suck on them."
"I don't remember."
"I know. You see, honey, they are getting larger because they will be
making milk for my baby to drink. Isn't that wonderful?" I nodded.
"Here, feel them." She took my hands and placed one on each of her
nipples. I touched them very gently, my fingers rigid. "No honey, I
want you to understand what they are like, what they feel like." She
put her hands over mine and cupped her breasts, kneading them softly.
Then she moved my thumbs over the nipples and made me flick them
slightly.
"They are very sensitive, honey. When you touch them like that, I feel
little electric shocks through my body. Can you imagine what that feels
like?"
"Yes."
"Can you imagine how it feels to have a precious little baby suckling
on your nipples - to feel your milk flowing through them into her
little mouth?"
"Yes." I kept fondling her breasts softly, almost reverently.
"Wouldn't you like to have a little baby drink from your bosom, too?"
"Yes." I was startled by my answer and pull my hands away. Mommy
chuckled sweetly and reassuringly.
"Awwww! Don't be embarrassed darling. Of course, it's natural to
wonder. And you are going to help me, aren't you? I mean with the baby?
And you can watch when I feed her."
"It's going to be a girl?"
"I think so, yes. Would you like a little sister?"
"Oh yes, that would be nice. I could brush her hair just like yours."
"Yes, you could. I'm sure that she would love you very much. Just like
I do."
She tucked my hair behind my ears - it was almost shoulder length now -
and kissed me tenderly. I went to bed and thought about her breasts,
and our little baby to be.
The next night, after brushing her hair, I asked if I could see her
breasts again. "Of course, honey." And she held them out for
inspection.
"Do they ever hurt?"
"Yes, they do, sometimes. They can be very sore at times before the
baby comes. And then, when I'm nursing, the nipples can get very
tender."
"What do you do?"
"Well, honey, I have some lotions that help with the irritation from
nursing. But there's not much I can do about them hurting when I'm
pregnant."
"I'm sorry, Mommy. Would it help if I rubbed them?"
"No dear. It's just part of being a woman."
I didn't like to think about her feeling pain. She saw my frown and
pulled me close.
"Awww, Chrissy! It's OK. You are so sweet to care about Mommy. I
promise you that the aches and pains of womanhood are nothing compared
to the joys. There is nothing more beautiful in this world than being a
woman and a mommy."
I stood by her for a few moments, caressing her breasts, as if that
could ease the pain after all. A strange mood came over me. I felt so
close to Mommy, and a little sad - that I couldn't be closer still.
"Mommy, would you brush my hair for me?"
"Of course, darling. Sit facing the mirror."
I could see her sitting behind me, lovingly brushing out my locks. It
felt wonderful - and I loved the fact that it was long now, like
Mommy's. But it didn't shine as much as hers, or have as many curls. I
knew that they did something at the beauty parlor to make her hair that
way. I wondered what it was.
"Mommy, how come your hair is so curly and pretty and mine isn't? You
said we have the same hair."
"You have lovely hair honey, but if you want curls, you'll have to get
a perm or put it up in rollers."
I was silent.
"Do you want me to set your hair for you."
"No. I mean. That's not... I can't do that. Can I?"
"Of course you can! Why ever not? You have beautiful hair, you should
enjoy it."
"But boys don't curl their hair."
"Boys miss out on a lot of lovely things. What's nice about the three
of us living here is that you don't have to miss a thing. I think you
would look wonderful with a nice curly hairdo. And I am very proud that
you want your hair to look more like Mommy's. Will you let me see what
I can do?"
"OK. I guess."
It was so exciting! She brought out some electric curlers and put up my
hair with them. I couldn't believe how heavy they were, or how good I
felt when all my hair was up. I had to see how I looked from all angles
with the hand mirror - it really was exciting! I couldn't wait to see
myself with curls, but Mommy said I had to be patient until the curlers
had cooled or the set wouldn't last. Finally she took out the rollers
and each ringlet bounced and swayed like a fine golden spring. I had to
touch each one, unroll it, and then watch and feel it snap back into
place. Then she brushed my hair into a very pretty style, with the
curls turned under. They felt so nice against my ears and neck. She
looked at me appraisingly.
"No. Too old for you, sweetheart." She brushed out the curls so they
turned up just above my shoulders. "Now, that's what we call a flip.
Much more appropriate for a girl your age." I was so thrilled by the
look and feel of my hair, I didn't even notice what she called me. Then
she got just a little serious.
"Now honey, this is just for fun, right?" I nodded. "So why don't we
surprise Grandma." "What do you mean?" "Why don't you sneak into the
kitchen and put on your apron. I scurried off and was back in a flash,
wearing my apron. I couldn't believe how girly I looked in the mirror
with my new flip.
"Let's go show Grandma! No, wait a sec." Mommy put a barrette in my
hair and off we went.
Grandma was sitting in the living room when we entered. She took one
look at me and broke into tears.
"Mom, what's wrong? Don't you think Chrissy looks nice?"
Grandma replied, "Oh my dear, I think she looks absolutely lovely. It's
just that... she looks exactly like you at her age. She could be your
twin!"
I felt so proud! A little confused, but I couldn't stop smiling.
"Really, Grandma?"
"Really, sweetie! Just exactly like your Mommy." I ran into her arms,
beaming from ear to ear.
Grandma sprang to her feet and said, "Ladies, please follow me!" She
led us upstairs, into the attic, which was full of chests and boxes.
Mommy got wise. "Mom, you didn't!" "Of course I did! I have every shred
of clothing you ever wore when you lived here, including dozens of
things that I'm sure will fit Chrissy."
We spent the next two hours looking through piles of clothes. It was so
much fun - I hadn't seen Mommy so happy in a very long time. I modeled
each dress or outfit, and she showed me how to walk, how to sit, how to
put on airs, just like a girl. Some of the clothes made me feel a way I
had never felt before - very demure, together, pretty. I really liked
it.
Mommy had a story for nearly everything I wore, a memory that came
rushing back to her. When I wore a filmy pink party dress with a full
skirt and puffed sleeves, she blurted out. "Oh my god, that's the dress
I was wearing the first time a boy ever kissed me!" We all made wooooo
woooo noises and laughed. I hunched my shoulders together and danced
around, cuddling myself and swaying my hips. Grandma loved it.
"What was it like Mommy, the first time you kissed a boy? Did you like
it?"
"Oh my yes, honey. I got all tingly and flushed. I didn't want him to
stop."
I was so lost in the moment, in our happiness, that I just spoke
without thinking. "I think I might like to have a boy kiss me someday,
just to see what it was like. But I'd definitely want to be wearing
this dress. It makes me feel so sexy and girly."
Mommy and Grandma looked at each other, and I felt embarrassed, but
before I could worry about it, Mommy had whisked me off to try on
another dress and some hats.
When we were all exhausted, Grandma helped me carry some of the clothes
into my bedroom where they became "my" wardrobe, at least for the time
being. I was so tired and happy - this had been the best day ever.
Mommy picked out a pretty nightie for me to wear to bed.
"I remember this nightie so well, Chrissy. I thought it was so pretty,
so grown up. Would you like to try it on?"
"Of course I would, Mommy!" I held my arms straight up and she let the
soft nightgown trickle over my body. I loved how it felt against my
skin as she smoothed away the wrinkles. She took me by the hand over to
my full-length mirror and made me turn around. I was too tired and
contented to be surprised by what I saw - a pretty young girl, her hair
in curls, her eyes shining, her body sheathed in satin and lace.
The next morning, it was my turn for tears. "Mommy, look at my hair!
It's all gone flat and ooky!" "Welcome to womanhood, honey. If you want
it to look pretty every day, you have to get a perm or you have to put
it up in curlers!"
"Can I get a perm?"
"No, I don't think so, sweetie. Wait until you're a little older. Perms
can damage a little girl's hair. Besides, I think you will enjoy
setting your own hair and trying on different styles. I'll help you!"
"Thanks, Mommy. Ummm. Mommy?"
"Yes, dear."
"Can I wear one of your old dresses today? Just to go with my new
hair?"
"They're your dresses now, sweetie. I'll be there in a minute to help
you get dressed. We'll need to choose some panties and stockings, too.
And a slip. And some nice shoes. And a training bra. You're old enough
for that now."
"Mommy, does this mean I'm... a girl now?"
"It means you can be whoever you want to be. You do like being a girl,
don't you?"
"I do, Mommy, very much."
"Well then, why not? At least for a while. I wonder if you can be like
a real girl, like Mommy was when she was your age."
I really think I can Mommy, if you help me."
The next few months were the happiest of my life so far. Mommy was
showing more every day, and the baby had begun to move. We shared so
many "Mommy moments," as we called them, feeling the baby kick and
planning for the birth, what the baby would wear, how her room would be
decorated.
I had gotten so completely used to wearing girl's clothes all the time,
setting my hair each night, and sleeping in curlers, that I could
barely remember my life as a boy. Grandma took me to town shopping with
her, so I could get my ears pierced and buy my own dresses and things -
and no one even suspected I wasn't a girl. I was so proud of that. Both
Grandma and Mommy called me Chrissy now - I was their girl and so happy
to be one.
As it got harder and harder for Mommy to move around, she enlisted my
help in choosing her clothes each day and laying them out for her. I
was so proud when she approved of my choices - and when she didn't, it
was an opportunity to learn. My goal in life was to become just like my
Mommy in every possible way. She said that I would wear her out with my
questions:
"What does it feel like to have a period? What does it feel like to
have a man inside of you? Is giving birth really that painful? How do
you keep your skin so soft? What's the best way for a blue-eyed girl to
use eyeliner? When can I get my nails done professionally? What does it
feel like to dance in a strapless evening gown?"
But then one day, I became very sad. I was massaging Mommy's breasts -
she said it relieved the soreness just a bit. She was really showing
now, and we were so excited. But it dawned on me that I would never be
a mother, could never nurse a baby, and that there was nothing I wanted
more desperately in the world.
One evening, while I was brushing Mommy's hair, I saw her reflection in
the mirror, stroking her swollen tummy. Her eyes were closed and she
looked so sublimely happy. I was so jealous that I couldn't hold it in
- the tears just gushed from my eyes.
She embraced me and said, "Precious girl, what's the matter??
"Oh Mommy, I want so much to have my own babies, to nurse them with my
own breasts, to be a complete woman just like you. But it is
impossible."
"Remember, dear, not all women can have babies. Being a woman is a
matter of heart and mind more than body. You are a darling girl and can
grow into a lovely, happy woman if you want to."
I was inconsolable. "But I want to be a mommy, too." I was blubbing now
and couldn't stop. Mommy ran her fingers through my curls. She caressed
me and rocked me, but nothing could lessen my pain. We sat together for
some time in silence, except for my sobs.
"Darling, it is probably true that you will never give birth. But I
promise you this - you will be like a mother to the little girl inside
of me. You'll be my little helper."
"But I can't nurse her, or..."
"Oh yes you can, sweetie. We will both nurse her - we will take turns.
I will get some medicine for you right away that will change your body.
You'll grow breasts just like mine. And I have a breast pump that you
can use right away to get your milk ready. Our little girl will have
two mommies - and four breasts to choose from!"
"Can I really have breasts, Mommy? Can I really nurse my baby?"
"Of course you can, sweetheart! I promise."
The next morning, I overheard a heated discussion at the far end of the
house. What I heard made me heartsick.
Grandma was furious, "You are going to give hormones to your son? Dear,
you can't do that. It's wrong! And it's illegal!"
"But Mom, you've seen what a little woman he's become. She's my
daughter now."
"That was the plan all along wasn't it?"
"To soften him a little, yes. To get his father out of him. But you've
seen how readily he waltzed into womanhood. This wasn't our doing, Mom;
this child was meant to be a girl. You should have seen her yesterday,
heartbroken because she can't be a mother and nurse her own babies.
Chrissy could never be a man, never!"
"He wants to be a mother?! What does he know of womanhood? Has he ever
had a period? Has he ever had a penis inside of him? Granted, he's the
biggest little sissy I've ever seen. He'll probably be gay or
something, but you can't play God here. You can't decide his future for
him. So far, it's only been a little playacting. In a few months, his
beard will start to grow, his voice will change, and his penis will
start making his decisions for him."
"That's why I have to start the hormones now, before puberty sets in.
Trust me, he is meant to be a girl. He will have the operation someday.
I know my child."
My mind was a whirl as I listened to all of this. But when Grandma said
that I would soon grow whiskers and turn into a man, I felt nauseous.
Then I felt faint. Apparently, I passed out, because the next thing I
knew, I was on a couch and they were both fussing over me. Grandma
spoke first.
"I'm so sorry honey, you weren't meant to hear those things. I love you
so dearly, and I do love you as my little granddaughter. I just don't
want us to make a horrible mistake."
I remembered what had upset me so much and started sobbing. "Grandma,
Mommy, PLEASE don't let me turn into a man. Please give me the
hormones. Oh please!!!" I became hysterical, and I may have passed out
again, because I don't remember anything before nighttime, when Mommy
came to tuck me in.
"Sweetheart, I know that this afternoon was very upsetting to you. But
your Grandma is a wise woman and we need to consider what she says."
"No..." "Now calm down, honey, and hear what we have decided. I believe
that you were born to be a woman, to be a mother, as far as that is
possible, but we have to be sure. Grandma was right to say that you
should know more about who you are before we make irreversible
decisions. You need to know who you will be - and whom you will love -
before you lose your options. So we're sending you back to school - as
a girl - for a while - to see what happens. But you have to be honest -
with us and with yourself."
I was afraid, but something told me she was right. I decided to give it
a try. Besides, I was curious what it would be like to be around other
girls, and boys.
As it happened, I couldn't believe how quickly I fit in with the girls.
The first day at the bus stop, a girl my age smiled at me and said,
"Hi, I'm Sally. Your hair is really cute." I chimed right up, "Hi, I'm
Chrissy. You're so sweet! You hair looks cute, too, and I love your
top..." And we were off to the races. By the end of the first day, I
had made several new girl friends and was even invited to a sleepover.
The boys were a different story. It may have been mixed feelings from
my days as a boy, but they made me feel uncomfortable. I pretended to
like them when I talked with my girlfriends, but I didn't really. I
thought they were gross and acted silly. But I wanted desperately to
convince my Grandma that I was meant to be a girl, so when I noticed
one of them checking me out, I decided to flirt back. He noticed, and
just before I got on the bus Friday afternoon, he asked me out to the
football game, which in 7th grade means that he wanted to meet me there
after I arrived and hang out with me.
I'll admit that I was very excited when I got home. I called all my new
girlfriends and told them about it, and they all assured me that my
date was cute, but that I should be careful because he had a
"reputation." Mommy helped me do my makeup before we left for the game,
and I was really nervous. I must have asked her and Grandma fifty times
if I looked pretty, and I kept fixing and re-fixing my hair. Yep, I was
definitely a regular girl, I thought to myself. And I could see in
Mommy's eyes that she thought so, too.
It was already nighttime when I arrived at the game, and no sooner had
I found my date than he hurried me under the bleachers, where it was
dark and all sorts of things were going on. All I could see of him were
bars of light that cut through the seats above us and slanted across
his face. They made him seem older and a bit deranged, but sexy, too.
Before long, he was kissing me, a bit too roughly, but I liked it and I
kissed him back. When he started fumbling with the buttons of my jeans,
I knew that he was going someplace I couldn't let him go. Mommy would
have been shocked to know that things could go so far so quickly. I was
enjoying this, but I knew I would be in danger if he found my thingie
in my jeans instead of what he expected, so I said no.
He was angry, of course, and tried to make me feel guilty, so I would
give him what he wanted, I guess. "God dammit! You can't get a guy all
worked up and then slam the door in his face!" "I know, I'm hot, too,
but I just can't. How about if I jerk you off?" "I can do that myself!
Good grief! The least you can do is blow me!"
There was something very exciting about the flashing lights, the cheers
above us, the groping hands. I could make out some other girls around
us, doing their guys, just like me. I wanted to be one of them - one of
the girls. I started breathing heavily - I wanted him! I felt a thrill
- I really was a girl! About to service my man.
I fell to his knees and fished out his cock. It stiffened in my hand as
I started licking the head. I loved the shape of it - it seemed to fit
into my mouth so neatly. It tasted salty, nice, a little dry at first.
But my saliva made it smooth and wet and my lips moved easily over it,
back and forth. I started to moan, just like a slut, I thought. I
really felt like I was a slut, and I loved the feeling. I felt so sexy
and girly and grown up. I loved the way he was playing with my hair and
rubbing my shoulders. Then I was amazed to find my mouth full of semen.
It was pulsing into me like a water fountain, warm and gooey. I
swallowed it all as he tottered and swayed, like a boxer about to go
down for the count. When he was done and recovered himself, he gave me
a little spank on my tush and said, "OK, baby, I'll see ya later," and
left me alone in the dark.
I followed a couple of the other girls to the restroom - the lights
were so bright that they hurt my eyes. When I looked in the mirror, I
couldn't believe what I saw. My hair was a mess and my lipstick was
smeared all over one side of my face. But I couldn't help smiling. I
was a woman, just like Mommy. Just like the other girls in the
restroom. I repaired my makeup and brushed my hair into shape. I liked
what I saw, even in the harsh light, and grinned triumphantly at
myself. I wondered how I would ever tell Mommy about the proof of my
womanhood, but I knew she would believe me if I told her that I like
boys, because it was true.
My thoughts were scattered by the voice of a girl next to me, looking
me eye-to-eye in the mirror. "Your first blowjob?" "How can you tell?"
"You're too pleased with yourself. And I'll bet he didn't do anything
for you, did he?" "I feel satisfied." "Only because it's your first
time. When the novelty wears off, you'll want more. A lot more."
I wasn't sure I liked what she was saying, but I did want to talk about
it, so I introduced myself. "Hi, I'm Chrissy. I'm new, in more ways
than one, I guess." "Lisa is my name, nice to meet you. You want to go
get a coke?" "Sure."
We went to the concession stand and then walked around the football
field, chatting away. The more we talked, the more I liked her. She was
very pretty, with short dark hair and enormous eyes. I loved her smile
- she looked so sweet and innocent. Very different from her usual
expression, which was just a bit world weary for one so young.
Eventually, we worked our way under the bleachers on the opposite side
of the field - just as dark, but nobody was around, so we sat and
talked some more. I asked if she had a boyfriend. She said not anymore.
"In fact, I think I've gone off boys, at least for now." "You mean
you're..." "Don't knock it if you haven't tried it, Chrissy. Believe
me, I wouldn't have left you alone at a football game if you were my
date."
I suddenly realized that I was very attracted to Lisa, and knowing that
she was probably attracted to me, too, made me hungry for her. I gave
her a meaningful look and said, "But I'm not alone anymore."
She reached over and brushed my hair away from my cheek, and moved her
face near to mine. And then she kissed me, her soft lips tasting of
lipstick; her tongue exploring my mouth for a second, then leaving me
wanting more. She stroked my hair gently, caressingly, then laid me
down on the wet grass. I could smell her body lotion, and I ran my hand
over her dark hair, a bit sticky with mousse. I felt a warm tingle in
my chest, spreading like honey to my fingers, my lips, my groin. I felt
wonderful, excited beyond words, but at the same time so relaxed I
could scarcely move. She kissed me so sweetly. It was something I knew
I wanted more than anything.
And then I felt a shudder of pleasure in my groin and I realized my
panties were wet. I had had my first orgasm. My nipples were hard and
erect. She ran her fingers over them, plucking them gently. I
remembered how small they were for a girl, under my cutlets, and I
recoiled a bit. She read me: "It's OK, honey. You're young, they're
small, they'll grow. I think you're beautiful."
Then all at once her hand had slipped into my pants and she was
fondling my moist organ. She started and I froze. "My, that is one of
the larger clitties I've come across!" I was petrified and breathless,
half expecting her to hit me. "She felt my terror in the dark and spoke
softly, "It's OK, honey, I like both girls and boys, but girls more.
I'd say you're a girl and a boy, but more a girl." "I'm planning to be
even more of a girl, soon." "That's nice, Chrissy. I hope you'll be my
girl." She kissed me and I melted, so relieved and so happy.
As we walked together hand in hand to the parking lot, I realized what
a fool I had been earlier. THIS felt right; this was what being a woman
was about for me. This was home! But how to convince Mommy and Grandma
that the discovery of my lesbian desires was proof of my womanhood? I
decided they had to meet Lisa.
As she drove me home from the game, I told Mommy about the wonderful
"boy" I had met. His name was Larry. I described how sweet he was to
me, and how much I enjoyed it when he kissed me. That he had asked me
to be his girlfriend and how much I wanted to be. That I felt so safe
and warm with him.
Mommy nodded knowingly, a soft smile on her face, and she reached over
and stroked my forearm and thigh as she drove. "Oh honey, he does sound
like a nice boy. I hope you will introduce him to us sometime." "I
will, Mommy. How about tomorrow?"
"Larry" was coming to dinner and I was so excited. Mommy and Grandma
kept teasing me about how nervous I was. I wanted to look pretty for
Lisa. It had been dark at the game and I didn't want her to be
disappointed in me. But when I took the rollers out of my hair, my
curls were flat! I was desperate! Only an hour before she came and I
looked like a mess. Mommy found me in the bathroom, crying my eyes out,
trying to make my hair look like something.
"Come with me, dear. Do you remember my electric rollers? We'll get
your hair looking pretty in no time!" And she did. Mommy gave me a very
sophisticated looking style. And then she helped me get my makeup just
right. I felt beautiful, and so grown up. I couldn't wait for Lisa to
see me!
When she arrived and said hello to Mommy and Grandma, you could have
heard a pin drop. I didn't dare breathe. Lisa was wearing black jeans,
sandals, and a black T-shirt. I think they thought she really was a boy
at first, but then they noticed her curves, her tiny diamond earrings,
the touches of makeup. And then she moved toward them and spoke, and
there was no question she was all girl. There was something androgynous
about her, but she was too pretty and too delicate in her movements to
be taken for a boy for very long.
I blushed when she looked at me and smiled. "Chrissy! I love your hair!
You look great!" Involuntarily, I reached up and primped my curls,
"Thanks Lisa, I'm glad you like it. Mommy helped me with it." "Well,
you can do my hair anytime, Mrs. Jones! You did a beautiful job." "Why
thank you, uh..." "Lisa. And you must be Grandma?" I was so pleased
that things were going well. The four of us were chattering away in no
time.
With great effort, Lisa and I kept our hands off each other, except for
the innocent touch on the arm and girlish hug now and then, and pecks
on the cheek when she turned to leave. But Mommy wanted to know more.
"So, Lisa, you and Chrissy are a couple?" "I hope so, Mrs. Jones." "You
don't act like a couple." It was the first awkward pause of the
evening. Finally I spoke up "Mommy, we didn't want to upset you and
Grandma." "Listen, honey, we weren't born yesterday. If this is who you
are, we can accept that. But we have to know that you are being honest,
with Lisa, with us, with yourself."
Another pause. Then Lisa stepped toward me. "Mrs. Jones, may I kiss
your daughter goodnight?" Mommy nodded. Lisa wrapped her arms around
me, ran her hand through by hair, down my back, and placed it on my
tush. Then she pulled me close and kissed me deeply, her tongue working
its way into my mouth. I almost swooned. In fact, I did lose my
balance, but Lisa kept me from falling. When she released me, I felt
flushed and giddy. Mommy came over to me and touched my little nipples
through my blouse - they were as hard as pebbles. I was just a little
embarrassed and I hid my face behind Lisa's shoulder. She took my chin
in her thumb and forefinger and gave another kiss, a tender kiss, and
turned to leave, waving goodbye to Mommy and Grandma. I felt so dreamy,
still a bit wobbly, and let out a long sigh as I blew a kiss to my
darling. Mommy smiled and said to Lisa, "Now don't be a stranger dear.
You come visit whenever you like."
That night, while I was putting my hair up, Mommy came in with a glass
of milk and sat on my bed. "Lisa is very nice, sweetheart. I think she
will be good to you." "Oh, I know she will, Mommy. She's all I can
think about. Do you think we can go shopping tomorrow for some new
clothes? She liked the grown up look you gave me, and I'd like to get
some new skirts and dresses, something a bit more up to date than what
I have. I really want to look nice for her. Always." I finished putting
the last curler into place and turned to Mommy expectantly, hoping she
would say yes. Mommy laughed gently. "My, you really are the girly
girl, aren't you? Of course, honey, I could use some new clothes
myself. We'll make it a mother-daughter shopping day." I felt so
exited! "Now get a good night's sleep, darling. We've got a big day
tomorrow."
Mommy stood up to leave, but then remembered something. "Oh honey, I
almost forgot. Grandma and I have decided you can start taking your
medicine tonight." She gave me a tiny blue pill, and the glass of milk.
"You'll take one of these each morning and each night. Now don't let me
forget to give them to you!"
I inhaled and held my breath. I couldn't believe it. "You mean... these
are the pills that will give me breasts just like a real girl?" "Yes
darling, and they'll make your skin softer and give you curves. You'll
look much nicer in your clothes after a few months." I was so happy I
started to sob. "And that's not all, sweetheart. Tomorrow morning, I'm
going to show you how to use a breast pump. Our baby girl is due at the
end of next month, and I'm counting on my daughter to help me with the
nursing, right?" "Oh, yes, Mommy, it's my dream!" "Well, you may not be
able to help right away, but a few months of these pills and regular
pumping and you'll be Mommy's little nanny helper."
I cried myself to sleep that night - tears of joy. It seemed that I
could feel the medicine racing through me already, alerting every cell
in my body that it was time to change into a girl cell. It was time for
a reality check - here I was, lying in my bed on the brink of
womanhood, wearing my own nightie and panties, my lovely long hair in
curlers, the girlfriend of someone I really loved and who really loved
me. It was all so wonderful! I just couldn't believe that only seven
and a half months ago, I was living the life of an unhappy boy,
browbeaten by his nasty father.
The breast pump hurt my nipples the first couple of days, but then I
grew to love it. Six times a day for 20 minutes each session. Mommy
took me out of school again. She said it was home school from now on
and my most important subject was "mommyhood." She said she was so
pleased that I took my pumping seriously. "I was afraid you would find
it boring, that I'd have to push you to do it." "Oh no, Mommy, I love
it! My breasts have become so sensitive - and it's like my nipples are
connected by invisible strings to my clittie. I feel my insides
shifting and pulling up within me, as if I have a baby moving inside of
me. And I imagine that I really am nursing. It is so beautiful and it
feels so good!"
Sometimes, Lisa would come over and sit with me while I pumped. She
would sit on the arm of my chair, and play with my hair or kiss my
cheek while I pumped. It made me feel loved and protected and so
womanly. When I finished pumping, my nipples stuck out like steeples
and were unbelievably sensitive. Lisa would squeeze them gently and
then suckle them. Oh my, that felt wonderful. I wished that my milk
would let down for her, but I knew that day would come. And my breasts
were definitely growing. I had to show each new millimeter to Mommy and
my girlfriend. I felt so womanly when Lisa cupped them from behind,
nuzzling the back of my neck. I wanted them to just grow and grow. I
just loved having breasts - when I wasn't pumping, I was fondling,
massaging, pulling on my nipples, wishing I could fill a bra like
Mommy.
Sometimes they got sore - from my pumping and massaging, or from my
hormones - or all three. When they hurt, I still couldn't keep my hands
off of them. Sometimes, I'd just sit in the bathroom, sobbing away,
rubbing my boobs. I always seemed to be crying these days. Mommy said
it was the hormones mostly. She was always crying, too. Sometimes, all
we had to do was look at each other and we'd both burst into tears. It
was so funny. We'd fall into each other's arms. I told Mommy that my
breasts hurt. She said, "Mine do, too, honey. I guess we're both
getting ready for baby!" I was so proud to be experiencing the same
things as Mommy. As her baby became ever more active, she let me hold
her tummy, so I could feel it, too... Sometimes, we'd lie together in
her bed wearing our nighties. I'd turn on my side and embrace her
swollen belly and pretend it was my swollen belly.
After six weeks of pumping my breasts and taking my medicine, I seemed
to be on Mommy's schedule physically and emotionally. Like her, I had
gained a lot of weight - fortunately in just the right places, but it
depressed me that I couldn't wear some of my prettiest dresses. I was
worried that Lisa wouldn't like me any more, now that I was getting
fat, but she said she loved my new curves and she would pinch my fleshy
bits or grab handfuls of me and kiss them until I believed her. There
was something nice about how soft my body had become, and how curvy,
and I loved how big and jiggly my boobs were getting. It seemed that I
needed a bigger bra size every week.
One evening, I felt tired and a little weepy. "I've finished pumping my
breasts already, Mommy, I think I'm just going to put my hair up and go
to bed early." "No, honey, Grandma and I have a surprise for you
tonight. Don't set your hair until later. Just go to your room, put on
your nightgown, and make yourself as pretty as can be. We'll come in
your room in a little while."
I couldn't imagine what they were up to. Why should I doll myself up,
but get into my nightie as well? Obviously, they weren't going to take
me out anywhere, but then why did I need to fix myself up? I wondered
all these things as I styled my hair, freshened my lipstick and eye
shadow, and spritzed myself with some perfume. Then I lay down on top
of my bed and waited for the surprise.
At last, Mommy and Grandma came in. They pulled chairs up on either
side and sat close by me, each of them taking my hand.
"Darling, Mommy's going to have her baby very soon, and I want you to
be a part of it. You are going to nurse her and help me take care of
her. And you are going to help me raise her, too, teaching her how to
be a good little girl. That will make up for those years of girlhood
that you missed. It will be such fun. But we want you to experience as
much of what a woman does when she becomes a mother as possible."
"Oh Mommy, I feel so in tune with you already. Sometimes, I could swear
I feel the baby moving inside of me. And I just know that I'll have
plenty of milk for her."
"Yes, sweetie, but you don't know what it's like to conceive a child.
That is an important part of the miracle - to know what it is like to
be a woman being made love to by a man. We want you to share that
experience with us, too."
I thought about the boy under the bleachers. I didn't want to
experience that again. There was something exciting about sucking his
cock and having his tongue down my throat, but I didn't really want to
go there with Mommy and Grandma in the room.
Mommy said, "Just trust us, sweetheart. This will be a beautiful thing
if you let us show you how."
She helped me stand up and took off my nightie and panties. She put a
lovely ruffled open-front robe over my shoulders, then laid me back
down on the bed. Mommy sprayed some more of my perfume on my almost
naked body and around the room. Meanwhile, Grandma brought several
candles and placed them on shelves and my dresser. Then she lit them
all, turned off the lamp, and both of them resumed their seats beside
me. They pulled gently at my nipples with their fingertips and stroked
my breasts and body, as if they were washing me without soap and water.
Mommy reached over and gently arranged my hair on my cheeks and
shoulders.
Grandma said, "This is your initiation into womanhood, darling. You
will experience a miracle that has been shared by countless girls just
like you on their wedding nights for thousands of years. Your Mommy and
I are going to guide you through it because you have found your true
self so recently. We want to make sure that you understand it all and
experience it all as a woman should."
I was startled to realize that Lisa was standing at the doorway,
wearing a long dark purple robe. About all that I could see in the dim
light were her beautiful face and her hands, with dark red nail polish.
Then she opened her robe in front, and I saw her lovely white breasts
and abdomen - and a large strap-on dildo! I was flabbergasted,
terrified, thrilled! Involuntarily, I pulled my knees up, effectively
spreading my legs to receive her.
Grandma was pleased, "Ahhhh! It's her instinct. She really is a woman.
She's ready to take her first penis." Mommy added in a high tiny voice,
overcome with emotion, "And I'm going to share my daughter's first
time! Oh honey, don't be afraid' you will be one of us as never before.
A woman, just like Mommy."
I was thrilled by her words and hungry for Lisa to enter me. I began to
lick my lips and gyrate my pelvis slightly, without even being aware of
what I was doing. Grandma was right, it was instinct.
Mommy stood up and applied a large dollop of KY Jelly to my anus. She
thrust her finger deep inside of me to spread the goo, which made my
mouth and eyes open even wider. I was even more anxious to feel the
approaching cock inside of me. At last, Lisa climbed onto my belly. She
positioned the head of the dildo at my sphincter - my vulva, I felt and
believed. She made tiny little thrusts to work the jelly onto the shaft
and to coax me to open for her. She looked at me and gave a little
whimper - she was afraid of hurting me. Grandma went to help her. She
took Lisa by the hips and gently guided her into me. It was gradual,
and I was relaxed and ready. A little painful, but more pleasure than
pain. I felt full and, somehow, complete in a way I'd never felt
before.
Slowly, Lisa began to move in and out of me, back and forth. As she saw
my pleasure, she increased the speed and the depth of her thrusting. It
felt better and better. And when she grabbed my tits it began to feel
wonderful. She began to squeeze and pull at my nipples and I began to
moan. I reached for her hips and pulled her deeper into me. I began to
move my head from side to side. I could feel my earrings bouncing on my
cheeks. It made me smile to think how ready I was for this - how right
it felt.
Lisa wasn't tentative anymore; she was into it completely. She was
fucking me for all she was worth. Faster and faster, deeper and deeper.
I thought nothing could feel more amazing, but I didn't know that I
hadn't crossed the threshold yet. Suddenly, my breasts and then my
whole body and then the whole room exploded with light and energy and
joy! I screamed out loud "I AM A WOMAN!!!!" I said it over and over,
faster and faster, as if I needed something to keep my mind on so I
wouldn't pass out. I definitely did not want to pass out!
Then something else completely unexpected happened: I began to thrust
in unison with Lisa, without even trying to! My hips were responding to
her humping automatically. "There," said Mommy, "Now you've found it!
Now you're a woman! But there's more."
There couldn't be more, could there? I could barely stand the pleasure
already. My whole body was moving and jerking in time to our passion.
But there was more. Mommy leaned towards me and whispered in my ear.
"You can feel it inside of you, reaching deep into your womanly soul.
It slides in and out of you. Now! Feel yourself sliding over and under
it. You are feeling pleasure, now know what it is like to give
pleasure, too. Concentrate on caressing the penis with your vagina.
Grip it firmly in you. Give it pleasure."
It was a subtle shift, but made such a difference. I was the pleasure-
giver, I was the lover. I was in charge. I understood what it means to
give oneself to a lover.
Mommy read my thoughts. "It is only when you give yourself completely
that you can receive completely. That is the moment of conception. That
is when you become Mother."
And it happened. Every cell of my body shuddered and shook and shouted
for joy. It didn't matter what medicines or operations were in my
future, I became a woman at that moment. Nothing was ever the same
again. I was reborn.
Lisa fell into the bed beside me, as spent and transformed as I was.
She, too, had given herself completely, and had received everything in
return. We held each other, and cried, and laughed, and kissed each
other deeply and tenderly. Mommy and Grandma were sobbing, too,
caressing our hair and rubbing our shoulders.
I slept that night in Lisa's arms, and never more soundly. Which was
good because, the next day - the baby came early!!! It was so exciting
- Grandma, Lisa, and I were with Mommy in the delivery room. I held
Mommy's hand the whole time and felt every cramp and helped with every
push, or so it seemed. I was as exhausted - and as happy - as she was
when our precious little girl was born.
Mommy glowed with happiness as she held her little girl, and I felt
like my face would split open if my smile got any wider. It was so nice
- just the four of us girls, and the nurses, and the woman doctor. So
many sighs and awwwws and happy tears. I was so glad that Grandma and
Mommy had given me their gift the night before. The birth and the new
baby seemed to mean so much more to me, now that I understood where she
came from.
Mommy gave me one more surprise. "So, Chrissy, what do you want to name
your little sister?" I wasn't expecting this at all, but I was so
pleased. I was really looking forward to sharing her girlhood with her,
and showing her just how lucky she was to be born a girl in the first
place. Somehow, choosing her name was like christening her as a member
of our feminine world.
I hadn't thought about it very much, but the name just rolled off my
lips. "How about Jessica Ann?" "Oh yes, what a pretty name that is,
honey! Jessica Ann she will be!" "That's the name I would have liked,
if I'd been born a girl, too." My voice broke a little. Mom wiped a
tear from my cheek, "Aww sweetie! I'm so sorry." I gathered myself and
said, "I don't know where that came from at all. Anyway, I'm all girl
now." I turned to baby Jessica, "And we have our work cut out for us,
don't we precious?" We all laughed in agreement. Lisa put her arm on my
shoulder and kissed me on the back of my neck.
It was so exciting, having a new baby in the house. So much to do, and
so many new joys and wonders! I was so happy, I didn't even mind
changing diapers. But I was also jealous of Mommy being able to feed
Jessica. I pumped and pulled at my breasts, I pleaded with them. But no
milk. "It will take time, sweetheart," said Mommy. "Don't be
discouraged. Your milk will come in soon." "But the baby needs it now!"
"Now listen, I believe in a long nursing period. I nursed you until you
were almost three, and I don't see any reason to do differently with
Jessica - just look how you turned out!" I couldn't help smiling, but I
was still so frustrated.
One night, when baby started crying, I was the first to get up to
comfort her. She wouldn't be comforted, so I knew she was hungry.
Quickly, before Mommy came to feed her, I opened my robe and gave her
my breast to suckle, hoping... It felt so wonderful, having her
attached to me like that, but nothing came and Jessica was soon crying
again. Mommy arrived and scooped her into her arms and gave her suck. I
watched with wonder and envy as the milk flowed freely into her, some
of it moistening baby' lips. Mommy saw how fascinated I was, and how
sad.
"Would you like to try some, honey?" She offered me the other breast. I
knelt beside her and started nursing. It tasted so warm and sweet,
familiar somehow. I closed my eyes and pulled closer to Mommy's bosom.
I felt comforted. For a moment we were quiet together, Mommy and her
two girls. When I finished, I said "Thank you, Mommy, that was
wonderful." "I loved it, too, honey. But if I'm going to feed you, too,
I will need your help feeding baby!"
It was a joke, but it hurt. Why couldn't I nurse? Maybe Mommy was wrong
- maybe the medicine I'd been taking wouldn't work this wonder after
all.
Two weeks went by and our whole lives revolved around baby Jessica and
her needs. Mommy was exhausted, I could tell, and I finally convinced
her to go into town and have her hair done, just for a short break.
There was some pumped milk in the fridge, and I promised her Grandma
and I could watch the baby.
She'd barely been gone five minutes when Jessica started screaming. She
hadn't been feeding well, but she was ravenous now. I took her out of
her crib and sat with her in the easy chair, calling to Grandma. "Would
you please warm me a bottle for her, Grandma?" "Of course, dear." A
pacifier kept Jessica more or less quiet while we waited. I looked at
her beautiful eyes and little round head and was filled with love for
my baby sister. I just couldn't believe how much I loved her, how much
I wanted to take care of her.
When Grandma arrived with the bottle, she had a surprised look on her
face and put the bottle on a table out of my reach. "Grandma! I can't
reach it! Would you please..." "Darling look! The front of your dress!
Your milk has come in!" She was right! I hadn't even noticed, but the
front of my dress was stained with two large dark spots where the milk
had leaked from my nipples.
"I don't believe it! Yesterday, some yellow stuff oozed out of them a
few times and I was sure it meant I couldn't nurse. I was afraid to say
anything - I thought they were infected. But this is different,
Grandma!" "Oh honey, that was colostrum - it meant your milk was ready
to let down. Here, take down the top of your dress. She wants you."
It seemed to take forever to unzip the back of my dress and get out of
my sleeves and pull down my bra, but then I saw my nipples oozing milk,
and I saw baby gobble me into her mouth and calm down completely. She
was nursing!!! I was so happy, I started weeping for joy. Grandma used
a washcloth to wipe my cheeks and my other nipple until I was ready to
change sides. My dream had come true!
Fifteen minutes later, Mommy came home and found me still nursing. She
was so pleased and, I think, proud of me. I know that I was proud of
myself! But I was a little troubled by something. I felt so turned on!
Like I was about to cream in my panties.
Mommy caught my eye and understood when I sighed a little, and rolled
my hips slightly. She smiled reassuringly, "Oh yes, honey, it can be a
very erotic experience. Why, you gave me more than a few orgasms in
your day. Why do you think I nursed you for so long?"
Well, that made me laugh out loud, which jiggled my tits a little,
which made me have my first nursing orgasm right then and there. Mommy
and Grandma knew what was going on and looked knowingly at each other.
I blushed the same color as baby Jessica's cute little bottom. It was
so funny! And, somehow, very meaningful, too. Having an orgasm as a
woman being penetrated by a penis was a watershed in my life, but being
brought to orgasm by a baby suckling at my breast was more deeply
gratifying than I imagined it could be. Another precious moment to fold
in my heart and keep forever.
Being a woman is just sooo wonderful! ;).
Copyright 2005 by Jasmine Lee