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Sappho Chapter 2 I nodded, satisfied with what I saw, big dark brown eyes with naturally long lashes in a symmetrical face, regular features, and just a touch of highlight and lip gloss. After a few months of practice, the make-up rarely took more than a minute or two. The effect was relatively minor, but it was more than about being pretty; it was expected for work - especially for one who dressed and acted most of the time as a fem. I flipped off the make-up lights and stood in front of the mirror by the door, giving myself a final check. The loose, thin, light blue skirt, at mid-thigh, a bit higher than the dom version, seemed wrinkle- free and level all around. The matching blouse was tucked-in neatly and my black hair, by now, all of it mine save for the four or five inches below my shoulders, was brushed straight and clean behind my back. I put on a nice fem smile, picked-up my briefcase and purse, and left, skipping down the stairs and walking a block over to the bus stop where about a half-dozen women waited for the ride downtown. As I approached, a dom in white shorts and the acronym of her company on her t-shirt, greeted me like I was on the menu. "Donna, mm, looking good today," she said, the big redhead exuding sexual innuendo like a Cocker Spaniel shedding water. She was harmless, although the first time she'd hit on me, it was a jolt. This time around it was worth a smile. "Hi, Georgia. Sorry, I'm still seeing that girl," I replied regretfully. "Well, some day..." she grinned, arching her eyebrow and looking north and south. "I'll let you know," I promised. I knew most of them: Georgia, who hit on me at least twice a month; Susan, a supervisor for the city, a dom with short black hair and a weight problem; and Jacqueline, a fem office manager, a decent, sweet girl a few years younger than me. The bus pulled up with a whine of electrics. As usual, I sat with Jacqueline. Besides enjoying her company and light conversation, I often used her as my fem guide, a measure of my own behavior. I'd decided months before that there was nothing wrong with taking pains to look pretty, to be nice, decent, respectful, and to generally defer to others. It didn't mean you had to be a doormat. And there was hardly a single fem mold that all who fancied themselves fem must fit. Even Barbara thought of herself as a fem - unless she was with me. Saying goodbye to Jacqueline, I stepped off the bus at my stop, and walked briskly up the path to the building. Once inside, I waved gaily to the Marge, the woman at the information desk, crossed the length of the lobby and climbed the stairs. I'd arrived early, as usual, and stopped by Randi's door, which was open. I gave it a fast knock. "Hi, Randi. Are there any donuts left?" "Always," she replied, waving me on in. "Donna, have some coffee and tell me what you think about this." She had a drawing posted on the design screen on the wall. It was the Hoffman project, a hotel by the beach up the coast about twenty kilometers. Like most Paglia architecture, the plans called for stressed concrete and other standard construction techniques common to the 20th and early 21st century. I knew what she wanted. "It's the usual rectangular small hotel sitting by a beach. It's boring." She snorted. "It might be boring, but it's cheap. So how would you design it, Ms. Smarty Fem?" I was neither genius nor a trained architect, but I remembered what I liked from Earth. The style for centuries had been to blend a structure into its surroundings. I'd learned enough about Paglia buildings and materials to start drawing. These were the times I loved best, when I could forget everything. The fem habits were well ingrained. Between fem-training and the daily reinforcement in that purely female world, I was sure I could pass forever as long as I could keep what was between my legs a secret, but over the months, I longed to be able to tell my co-workers and women I knew who I was. Keeping it a secret meant staying separate, being an eternal outsider. Except for Barbara and Wendy, Randi was the only exception. I caught her admiring my rear end from time to time, but she never took it farther than that; never asked me personal questions. With her I didn't have to monitor every word; I could sit, stretch, gesture, and laugh. Randi, more than any other, made me a part of the world. Of the four other women on the team, I got along best with Jean, another fem. A brunette with blond streaks, she was the one who shared confidences. To her, my life with a single girlfriend was tiresome, and I had to keep her at arm's length, turning down invitations to go to the beach or other places where I couldn't conceal what I was. I liked Gertrude the least. Close to my height, the big blonde outweighed me by about twenty pounds of muscle. She'd hit on me too many times for comfort and I avoided her in the office when I could from habit, ever since she'd rested her hand on my butt at the coffee machine. We had a talk after that left her unsatisfied, but I didn't care; if she had gone farther it could have been over. Dawn was a dom, but she already had a girlfriend. Dusky and slim with expressive brown eyes, she was the serious one. Her girlfriend, Melony, a shy, small woman, was devoted to her, and they usually went to lunch together by themselves. And then there was Holly, a short, big-breasted blonde in her early twenties, and a wild-eyed nymphomaniac. Even by Sappho standards, where nothing about women is a forbidden topic, she was a walking scandal. She regaled us over lunch with stories of multi-partner sex, her green eyes bright with passion as she described how a nipple performed as she teased it, or how hot and wet a woman became under her tongue. She was a riot, but when her covetous eyes roamed to our breasts and below, even Gertrude was uneasy. After several months with Carver, I expanded my base, becoming friendly with most of the building. I could never forget what I was doing. I was working for Barbara, Wendy, and the throwbacks, as well as my eventual right to live free as a man. But with Barbara uninterested in me except for my sperm, there was a gap in my social life. *** My hair had grown enough by that time to be past my shoulders, nearly to the point where I no longer needed hair extensions. I was in the shower washing it early one Saturday morning when I heard a knock at my door. Grumbling, I shouted, "Just a minute!" I dried off enough to put on a robe and opened the door. There, darkening my door was a woman with long white hair, and a pair of black eyes I'd remembered seeing often from close range, usually from just above or below. Her face had changed, had become leaner, and her nose was smaller. She had lost some weight, too, but still looked strong and darn good. I opened the door wide and motioned her inside. "Wendy, come in!" As soon the door closed, she took me in her arms and kissed me, expecting to take me as a fem, no doubt. Outwardly, I was still one, but I was a happier and stronger fem with a job I loved, and a few excellent friends. In a month or so I would even have enough to buy a car. I kissed her back with everything I had, demanding that she acknowledge my strength. I broke the kiss first, but she knew that I could have held on longer. I smiled. She stepped back to look at me. "You're looking very good, Donna. Your body agrees with you." I crossed my arms and regarded her skeptically. "I heard that you want my package, Wendy." She turned her head, her light complexion turning pink. "Goddess! Such language! All those fem lessons down the drain. Barbara talks too much, and no, I don't want to take your maleness away!" I smiled. "It's good to see you, Wendy. How long can you stay?" "Just the day. Barbara is taking me back to the mountains late tonight." I was disappointed; I had hoped for more time. "Does this mean that you're free all day?" She smiled. "It does." I thought about it and had an idea. "Wendy, the Pumas play today and I think there are still tickets available. Would you like to go with me?" I was fairly sure she would - she was a soccer fan on the same order as Barbara. Her face lit up. "Yes! I love the mountains, but there's only so much sun, wind, and rocks I can stand. What time do they play?" "One o'clock." I placed the order for the tickets from the net for pick-up at the gate. "Donna." "Yes?" I swiveled in the chair to face her. "I'm sorry about Barbara. I know how she felt about you as David and I know you felt the same about her." I shrugged. It hurt, but there was little I could do about it. "I understand and I don't blame her. Her lack of interest in me was the price for letting me loose in this world. It's time to be honest, Wendy. If you've lost interest in me too, I won't hold it against you. We would still be friends." "I do miss David. I miss his strong arms and I wish you looked like him again. But you're still a man, no matter what you look like, and I like what you do for me." I paused. "You prefer me as a fem, don't you?" "Yes, but I wouldn't insist on it." I wondered suddenly why I even cared. If she liked being on top and in control, so what? It didn't affect who I was. On this world, there was no stigma attached to it; a fem might dress a little more feminine and defer more to her a dom partner, but there were limits and it was a matter of degree. Roles were known to change as well. "The people who know me best at work know that I'm not a pure fem, Wendy, even though I act like one for most of Paglia. But if you want me to be fem when I'm with you, then it's fine with me." This time when she kissed me, I loosened up and let her have her way. A moment later, I dropped the robe onto the floor. An hour later, I was very glad I did. There's freedom being a fem when you are sure of your partner. I trusted Wendy and learned to relax and respond, knowing that she wouldn't hurt me. Afterwards, as fem, I made us lunch, an easy trade-off for the joy she had just given me. Later, we did go to the game, and the Pumas defeated their inter-league archrivals from Stein, the Toklas Lions, 2-1 in an exciting match, but that wasn't the memory I took from that day. I had a girlfriend again - a real one. A few more months passed. I was happier than I thought I would be. Wendy and I saw each other at least every weekend when I drove my red sports car to the mountains, sometimes more often when she could come to Paglia. There was talk of receiving a promotion at work. Dawn married Melony and I was a bridesmaid at their wedding. The long summer came to Paglia. Sappho's star was hotter than Sol, and the year was almost twice as long. The planet-wide celebration to the Goddess started at the solstice. Wendy spent the entire weeklong festival with me. We did what we could together, spending long evenings walking the boardwalk, laughing and sharing a bottle of rum, staring at the faint pink shades of the surrounding nebula, the twin moons, and the unfamiliar (to me) stars. There were some activities I couldn't or wouldn't share: the naked group hugs in the city square below the enormous, majestic statue of the nude Goddess, who looked proudly down at her children, her visage kind but stern; the religious ritual examination of the vulva; the heartfelt but grossly misguided wailing and tearing of the hair at the billions of enslaved women left behind on Earth. On the last day, just after sundown, the Man was pulled out from its huge hanger on tracks into the Square of Freedom, where drunk and furious women, rejoicing in their liberation from the great evil, pelted the dark bronze figure with rocks. Cold eyes peered nastily under brutish brows as the maniacal rapist and oppressor of womankind ignored the feeble stones clanging against his sides, his huge phallus erect and eminently ready for the business of impaling helpless women. I tried a few rocks myself and shrilly cursed this demon spawn with the rest, winking at Wendy, who responded by hitting him in a special place with a loud ring. I winced sympathetically while others cheered and slapped her on the back. "Donna," she whispered to me, laughing, "I feel cheated! Look at the size of him!" "Wendy," I said disgustedly, "nobody is that big. Hell, if men were that big, everyone would be a lesbian." She hugged me closely. "Donna, I love you just the way you are." That was the first time I'd heard that word from her. I sighed very softly and closed my eyes, letting it roll through me. I looked down and found her looking back, as sincere as I'd ever seen her. I'd long thought of this moment. I'd always expected myself to fall in love with Barbara. She was more my type in many ways, but with her rejection, Wendy had been there to stay. I imagined a life with her, far away from the threat of the Paglia government, marrying her, maybe even raising a daughter. The idea of just living, having a chance to grow old together peacefully on a world where I had to watch my every move, filled every dream I had. I needed her; it was so very right. I let go in her strong arms, tingling with happiness. It's strange how things work out sometimes. The future was still very uncertain; some time in the next year or so I would have to reveal myself to the world as a man. Anything could happen then, but there was one thing I was sure of. I cried a little as I touched her cheek, her white hair a brushed orange halo in the light of the departing sun. "I do love you, Wendy," I said. We had that night together and then I drove her back to the mountains. She fell asleep on my shoulder. I chose the long way back, needing time to think and feel. Wendy's lips and curves from the previous night and early that morning were still a wonderful close memory. I drove fast in the warmth of the bright afternoon, testing the sweeping curves of the coast road with the top down, wearing dark sunglasses with just a thin white tank top and a short skirt. My hair was long by then, well past my shoulders, and it flowed behind me, loose and wild in the wind. A flash caught my eye on the cliff side of the road. I gave it a brief look, but didn't see anything. I figured it for a piece of glass or other reflective road debris. Then it came again from the same place. I frowned, thinking it was unusual, but nothing too out of the ordinary. Still... I pulled over and heard a girl's desperate shout before I stopped. "Help!" she screamed, much of her voice muffled by the sounds of the surf far below. I ran. "Don't worry, I hear you!" I called back. I stopped at the ledge, just before it slid over the side to a fall of nearly a hundred meters where I could make out a twisted wreck of a small car at the bottom. "Help me!" she called again. She was perhaps sixteen years old with sweat-streaked auburn hair and at the end of her strength. She held onto a bush in one hand and a hand mirror with the other. Her purse was opened and mostly spilled. She didn't have the strength or the holds to pull herself up, but had managed to use the mirror from her purse to flash motorists on the road. 'Smart girl and damned lucky,' I thought to myself. The slope was too steep for me to just pull her up. If I had tried, we would have both been on the bottom. "Drop the mirror and hold onto the bush with both hands," I ordered. "I'll be back in a few seconds!" She moaned, but I didn't wait to see if she did what I said. I rushed back to the car and drove it forward to her position. Then I went to the trunk and pulled out the auxiliary fuel cell charging cable, tying it off to the car door handle nearest the cliff. I opened the door and swung it wide over the abyss. Swinging out, I climbed down the thick electrical cord and grabbed the sobbing, exhausted girl around the waist. Cursing my reduced strength under my breath, I spoke as calmly as I could. "I'm going to get as close as I can to you. You're going to have to grab around my neck and hold on, but don't choke me! I'll climb with you until we get to the car. Do you understand me?" She nodded and sobbed. Her arms already quivered in fatigue. We didn't have much time. I pushed off and swung under her so she could drop onto my shoulders. "Go! Climb on! I won't drop you!" I felt an arm around my neck. I clamped down on it with my chin to help her and then I felt the other arm. She was choking me, but I had half- expected that. I pulled as hard as I could, but nothing happened. Reaching back with my foot, I twisted the cable into a loop and stood. We ascended a foot. I held on with all my strength and did it again and once more. I was almost out of air when I felt the door next to my hands. I felt her grab something, probably the seat belt, with one arm and then the other. I dropped down a couple of feet and she pushed off my shoulders the rest of the way into the car. Taking a moment first to catch my breath, I followed her up. When I made it, I collapsed across the seats of the car beside her. "That was amazing! Are you all right?" spoke a woman from somewhere in front of me. I lifted my head. She looked to be in her late forties and held one of those common palm-sized cameras that everyone carried in their purse. I sagged. She might have recorded the whole thing. "I'm fine. I think she's okay, too, just tired." "You were wonderful! I recorded the whole thing!" I sighed. The last thing I needed was publicity. 'Time for some damage control.' I got up carefully, opened the roadside door and stepped out. I smiled. "Ms..." She thrust out her hand. She had a nice smile and her eyes were kind. It was difficult to dislike her. "I'm Rachel Korrine, a city councilwoman. Call me Rachel." I held out my hand as well and met her halfway. "Glad to meet you, Rachel. Would you mind keeping this quiet? I'm sort of a private person." The girl chose to come to life then and staggered out the car. She lurched for me and clung to my shoulder with fingernails a little too long for comfort. "Thank you for saving my life!" she sobbed. I rubbed her back gently. "It's all right," I soothed, looking around nervously. I couldn't stay and risk being caught, but the terrified girl needed a pair of strong arms to hold her and I couldn't just push her away. Resigned to the moment, I exhaled and pulled her close, deciding that I could get away with a few minutes. But it was not to be; less than two minutes later a police cruiser approached. Rachel shrugged pleasantly. "Well, I guess it's too late for secrecy. Young woman, you are going to get the credit you deserve whether you want it or not." There was nothing for it now; it had abruptly become more noteworthy to remain mysterious. "My name is Donna Terrell," I told the girl attached to me. "What's yours?" The girl was Dee Generis, the daughter of a prominent philanthropist. With the actual rescue recorded, it was on the local vid stations several times that evening and placed on the planet wide net just afterwards. Hoping against hope that the publicity would die, I went to work as normal the next day. As I walked the path to the lobby entrance, two reporters from the local news agencies approached me. A pretty coffee-toned reporter barely beat the other to me, one I recognized from her vidcasts, Trudy Revline. "Ms. Terrell, may I speak with you, please?" she inquired politely. "Ms. Revline, I don't want to be rude. I simply don't want to make a fuss about all this. I didn't do anything that anyone else wouldn't have done." I smiled my best. "I just wish all this would go away so I could get back to my life!" I stepped forward towards the building door, one step farther from the reporter and a step closer to freedom. "Ms. Terrell, surely you know that Paglia wants to know everything about the woman who risked her life so dramatically to save the daughter of one of our most famous citizens?" "Please, let me go back to my life," I pleaded. I took another step forward. I was almost there. "Ms. Terrell, where did you go to high school?" she called out just as I touched the doorknob. I turned to look at her. Her dead serious demeanor showed me it wasn't an idle question. Like any good reporter, she had done some checking. My answering smile was frozen. I waved to them at the door and entered, but by the time I made it to my office, my hands shook. I closed the door and sat with my head in my hands trying to convince myself that it wasn't as bad as I thought it was. I stared at the wall for a while, but it was no use; this life would be over soon. My cover was fairly detailed, but it wouldn't withstand any scrutiny. Anyone digging would find it impossible to find anyone who knew me before I'd started working for Carver. There was no option; it was almost time to come out. The only question was how. The last thing I wanted was to be arrested without a chance to tell my side. At the very least the authorities would have some questions for me, and then it would be over. I sighed and activated the vid. A quick search later and I had the number for Trudy Revline. I made the call. From the background, she was in her car heading back downtown. "Trudy, this is Donna Terrell. I've changed my mind. If you still want that interview, could you come back to the office? I'll meet you in the lobby." "You have a lot of explaining to do, Ms. Terrell. I hope you won't be wasting my time." I grinned crookedly. She might be responsible for ruining my life, but I sort of liked her already. "There's only one way to find out, isn't there? Will you be here soon, or do I have to call your competition?" I caught a small smile in return. "I'll be there in ten minutes." "Fine." I switched it off, rose and went to Randi's office. I had some major explaining to do before Trudy arrived. Trudy eyes narrowed when she spotted Randi in the conference room when I opened the door for her. "Trudy, either Randi stays or this interview is over," I warned her. She frowned at Randi. Randi frowned back. "Don't look at me like that, I don't know much more than you do. This is Donna's interview, her show." "Very well. Are there any more conditions I need to know about?" she asked me sarcastically. "Just that this interview is being recorded. It's an insurance policy for me." She drew back, a little insulted. "You don't think that I'd report it honestly?" "I've seen your work. You'd probably be fair. I don't necessarily trust your editors, the station or the government. You'll understand why better when you hear me out. Shall we continue?" I gestured politely to a chair. She sat on one side of the long table. I sat on the other side, directly opposite and Randi sat at the end. Trudy set up her recorder for two-way recording and attached a small tripod mount to its underside on the table. A brief glance at her watch and me, and she started it off. "This is Trudy Revline, interviewing Donna Terrell with Randi Turner present. Date is: 11/4/34. Time is: 08:10." She put on her professional smile for the record. "Ms. Terrell, those who have seen the recording of your daring rescue of Dee Generis are very interested in finding out more about you. Yet when we check your records, we find gaping holes and discrepancies. To put it bluntly, we can't find anyone who knew you before you 'appeared' in Paglia City about a half year ago. To start off, Ms. Terrell, who are you?" "Please call me Donna, Trudy, although that isn't the name I was born with. I was born David Bates in Tucson, Arizona, North American Republic, Earth." Trudy laughed, but her deep, dark eyes were not so amused. "That's very funny." I shrugged. "If I'm crazy, then it's still a story. Regardless, I can prove the main points of it. About a year ago, there was a story on the news of an object approaching this system with a distress call." I told her the exact wording and frequency. "That was me." "That story was bogus. There was no such object; it was some sort of harmonics interference from a satellite. I'm afraid you'll have to do better than that." I laughed. "So that was their explanation. Someday, someone will have to explain how anyone could mistake a coherent signal from deep space with a signal from an object in orbit." I brushed away any response. "There's more. The scientist who first examined me at the Liebler detention facility was Joanne Minkster." I gave her the names of several guards who had seen me. "I escaped, with help, two weeks later, on 2/11/34. That's why the vidcast promising to neuter a man was canceled. That should give you something to start checking with. Jezzi Belladonna interviewed me earlier that day." I smiled. "Look, I can give you the story piecemeal or I can give it to you in order. It sounds better in order." She sighed. "Go ahead. It looks as if I'm here until lunch, anyway." "Thank you. I assure you, it will be worth your while." I settled back and began. "The story started over two hundred years before the colony ship, Outreach set off from Earth to eventually settle on Sappho. When the super plague began to threaten humanity with extinction, plans had already been made to colonize suitable planets. The plague only accelerated the efforts. Eventually, several hundred huge ships departed on voyages often lasting centuries. Usually, a ship maintained a culture similar to Earth's. Not so, the ship that settled on Sappho. The Outreach was a ship of lesbians deliberately setting out to create a society of their own." "All this well known. Will you get to the point?" "Of course. To set up this society, they destroyed the past and created their own. Men in this new past were vile and despicable creatures. But it wasn't true. It never was true, not like they say. I know because this world is not the one where I was born." I regarded Trudy. She was understandably disbelieving, but willing to record. That would be good enough. "This is how I grew up, Trudy and Randi: My mother met my father in college..." I finished almost two hours later. I told them everything except naming Barbara, Wendy, Doctor Hackworth or facts that could lead anyone to them. "That's why I didn't want any publicity, Trudy. It would expose me before I had sufficient time to prove that I could be a good citizen of Sappho. I love this world. I've made some good friends here." I glanced at Randi, who was staring at me. "Even though I'm probably going to lose them after this revelation." I noticed their glances at my skirt, wondering, no doubt, if there really was what I said there was underneath. I also realized that it was only way to prove the tale. "Why did you want this interview, Donna?" "Partially to protect myself. When you started asking me where I went to high school I knew my cover was blown. From that moment, it was inevitable that either you or someone else would contact the police and the government would take me. Without some sort of insurance, I have no doubt that I'd disappear forever. Anyone who knew who I was would also be in danger. But if the information about me and my life were already public, then there would no reason to kill me to protect a secret - it would already be out there. It might even do some good for the throwbacks of this world." Trudy raised her hand. "Before we go any further, I want proof that you're a man." I sighed. I had a good idea what sort of reaction I would get, but it had to be done. I stood up and lowered my underwear. Then I raised the skirt. Trudy gasped. Randi gulped and turned away. "Goddess! That is so disgusting!" exclaimed Trudy. Randi looked again in disbelief, shaking her head. "I don't believe it. It's so small!" "It's really rather pathetic. It just sort of lies there." I began to get a little annoyed. "None of them are as big as the vids show. I agree, it's not the most attractive of objects - especially to a lesbian, but a vagina isn't exactly a work of high art either, despite what the priestesses say. Are both of you satisfied that it's real?" They weren't and I had to undergo a rather humiliating exam with poking, prodding, and stroking. After they were finally satisfied, I pulled up my underwear and dropped the skirt again. My face was a powerful red when I settled again into the chair. Randi sighed. "What exactly do you want, Donna? Why didn't you just run to Stein or Woolf? With a little cosmetic surgery and a new identity, you might have escaped for years, perhaps forever. Now, the authorities will have to get involved. Sappho can't allow a man on the world, even one that looks like you. There would be riots." I stood abruptly and faced her. "What of the 3% on Sappho who need men, Randi? If I ran, who would help them? There are maybe ten million women on this world. Three hundred thousand are unsatisfied. Can you imagine being put on a world with no lesbians? Could you ever be happy there?" Trudy grimaced. "Goddess, the idea of a man with a woman is disgusting. I almost want to throw up thinking about it." "Trudy, I have to try. These women have it worse than any lesbian or gay man on Earth; they have nobody they could be satisfied with. It's inhumane." Trudy shut off the recorder with a loud "snap!" "There is no way I can use this interview. The station and maybe the government would have my head." I glared at her. "That's too bad. I thought you were a reporter, not a government shill. I had hoped that you would report the truth." She surprised me by taking my hand, knowing it was the hand of a man. "I'm very sorry," she said, and she looked like she meant it, "but I can't destroy my world for this. You deserve better and I hope that a way can be found." I bit back tears. Is this all I'm left with, just platitudes and empty words? "Are you going to destroy the recording you made?" "Maybe not, but it certainly isn't the time to put it on the air. I'll allow you to mail a few copies to protect yourself, Donna, but by the end of the day, I'll expect you to turn yourself in." When she had gone, I was left alone with Randi. I sighed. "I don't suppose you'd keep my job open for me. I may be gone for quite a while." She shook her head. "I like you, Donna. I always have, but I can't have a man in the department. Even if it were legal, it would create too much trouble." A twinkle gained access to her eyeball. "Now, if you came back as a woman..." I laughed. She frowned. "What is so wrong with being a woman?" I smiled wearily. "Nothing, Randi, absolutely nothing. It's just not who I am. In my heart, I'm a disgusting, hairy pig who likes women who want me that way." I picked up the recorder I hung on the wall and stopped it. "I'll make you all some copies to protect yourself. I'm pretty sure nothing would ever happen to you guys, but I'd feel better just in case the government decided to erase all traces of me on this world." She surprised me by giving me a hug. "I'm sorry it has to be this way, Donna." "Me, too, Randi. Don't worry. I'll turn myself in this afternoon." It took just a few minutes to copy the disk. I left Carver immediately afterwards and sped down the coast road for what I thought would be the last time. I added an explanation and special instructions to the packages, and dropped the disks in the mail on the way at three separate drops, just in case anyone followed me. Then I drove to Jezzi Belladonna's office downtown and told her secretary that I would like to see her. I gave my name as David Bates. I wasn't too surprised when Jezzi left a meeting and met me inside. She looked me up and down. "This is quite an improvement, David. You look very attractive." "I'm called Donna, now." Her eyes lit up and smile lines creased her face. "Of course! You're the one who rescued the girl on the cliff. Wonderful. I saw it on the vid. But you know that doesn't change anything, Donna. We simply can't allow a man on Sappho." I brought out the disk and dangled it before her. "This will take a couple of hours to go through it all, Jezzi, but I think you should make the effort." She looked at it briefly in her hand, but didn't play it on the vid, choosing instead to wave it at me idly. "I presume that this is some sort of blackmail protection for you and your friends?" I nodded. "I sure hope so. It has names, dates and places." She frowned. "Mm. That could get sticky." She placed the disk on the table behind her and folded her arms. "What do you want, and what can you give us in return?" I want Sappho to permit some men to keep the 3% of your population happy. I think you owe them that." "I feel sorry for them, Donna, but not enough for that. I don't have the power, anyway. There would be masses of furious people in the streets; our religion would be disgraced." She gave her head a quick shake. "Impossible, and I don't care what you can give us. What's next?" I sighed. I hadn't had much hope for that, but it had to be asked. "Very well. You have the best surgical procedures I've ever heard of. They changed me into a fairly passable young woman." She smiled kindly, like an aunt indulging her favorite. "If I didn't know better, I'd swear that you were fishing for compliments. You look nice, indeed, Donna. Now, what you do want?" "I want women to be able to change their appearance to look like men. There must be a couple of hundred thousand or so radical doms out there who would like the male role in fact. They would provide adequate partners for the throwback community, but they would really be genetic women." "Ah, yes. That idea has been tossed around for a while. Hatred for even the appearance of men has always stopped it." She looked at me closely. "That would be extremely difficult, but not impossible, depending on what you have to offer." "I can give you the hyperdrive, Jezzi. I'm the only one who has access to my ship and its systems." She considered me carefully with a hand on her chin. "And why in the world would we want a hyperdrive?" I smiled. I might have liked Jezzi if she hadn't tried to castrate me earlier. "The universe has become a whole lot bigger. I planted a beacon outside the nebula before I came through. It's still blipping its message away. In a little over a Sappho year, though, the signal will change. When you opened the ship, the ship sent back a signal notifying the beacon where it was. The signal will take that long to arrive. The next ship that passes within several light years of the beacon will know that someone opened a scout ship around your world. "Instead of a rescue beacon of a hopeless ship, they'll assume that the ship found a colony world. They will travel here in numbers. Then what will you do, Jezzi? How will the women react when they find out that they've been lied to for centuries? How will the throwbacks feel when you deny them the potential love of their life? How would you protect yourself from men and cultural contamination?" She stared at me, all traces of maternal concern gone. "You're lying to me." I grinned. I was lying, but she didn't know that. "Why then, you have nothing to worry about! Congratulations!" She still stared at me. "We'll get back to that. Why would we need a hyperdrive?" "Whatever happens, you are going to have a lot of unhappy throwbacks on your hands. You could turn it into a profit. A large ship could handle twenty thousand women in hibernation pods. They could shuttle between some of the closer worlds, bringing unhappy Sappho women to them and bringing back lesbians from other worlds. It would be a win-win for Sappho." "How long would it take to build a suitable hyperdrive ship?" "You don't have the infrastructure. It would probably take a few years to get it set up, and few more to actually build one." She seemed calm enough, but underneath, I knew, was pure fury. "You play a dangerous game, Donna." "I play a high-stakes game for hundreds of thousands, Jezzi. It isn't right that nobody fights for their interests." She smiled evilly. "You play for hundreds of thousands, but I play for millions. I've heard enough. Guards! Take this creature back to Liebler and do not allow it any chances to escape this time!" I didn't resist very much on the way back to the detention facility - I was considerably weaker than my former self - and had to console myself in the featureless cell lying on an old, smelly foam mattress with the thought that at least the gray prison dress fit me better. I spent a worried evening, wondering how badly I had miscalculated. The distress beacon would continue pulsing its message until its fuel cell ran down in a few decades. All my leverage to help the throwbacks was based on a plausible lie and my only protection was embarrassing blackmail. After going through it all in my mind, I went to sleep a little less concerned. Even though I was in chains, the fact that I was still alive said much. Jezzi was a politician and a realist; she wouldn't take an unnecessary chance by killing or hurting me too much. Of course, I'd been wrong before. The next morning I awoke with the slick sound of the well-greased door sliding back. I looked up just in time to catch two large women with automatic weapons burst into my cell. They wore the brown and green of Paglia's Defense Force instead of prison black, and took no chances with me. They lifted me to my feet, and within seconds I was pushed into the hall and shuffling awkwardly down the corridor to some unknown destination. All attempts at conversation were ignored, and my demand for a cup of coffee was answered with a heavy slap on the back of my head. I expected to be brought to the same room as before; I thought that I'd be seeing Jezzi. It made sense. A night to cool off and to understand my helplessness, and I would be more pliable in the morning. It wouldn't work, though. Part of the scout training was a deep hypnotic command against revealing secrets under torture. I had a feeling something was wrong about halfway down the long hall. I hadn't seen anyone and I didn't recognize the wing. When we turned downstairs, I had the distinct impression that they were keeping me out of sight. With nothing to lose, I decided to test my limits, so as we turned the corner at the bottom of the stairs, I leaned and elbowed the guard on my right in the gut. It was all I could do with the chains on, and it caught her by surprise, making her lose her breath. I waited. When she recovered a few seconds later, she glared at me furiously and pulled back her fist. The other guard grabbed her arm with both hands. "Hold, Bren! Can't you see what it's doing? It's trying to provoke you." I did my best to smile innocently. Bren narrowed her steamy brown eyes, but lowered her fist. "Well, it's doing a good job of it," she growled. I offered no more resistance and they did their best to get even, pushing me the rest of the way down the hall, but I had my answer: they could shove me around, but they were under orders not to hurt me. They frog-marched me the last few feet and through a thick door of reinforced steel, waiting to each side of me at ease. Instead of Jezzi, a large familiar figure waited, standing in front of a large polished desk, and the smile she greeted me with was not the type to warm my heart with love and joy. I decided right then not to provoke this one. Tyrona stepped forward until she towered over me. I looked straight ahead into those fantastic breasts. From there, lifting my eyes to her face was like climbing a hill, and my posture and expression turned fem automatically in the presence of this magnificent dom. "Man!" she shrieked into my face, putting more hate and craziness into the word than I would have thought possible. I wasn't sure what to say, so I held my tongue. I was reasonably sure that she wasn't through, anyway. Tyrona nodded to the guards. "Release it from the chains," she ordered. They complied quickly and less than a minute later, I was free to rub my wrists and wonder what she was up to. "Man, the dominant sex," she sneered, spreading her powerful arms. "Well, here I am. Rape me." I cleared my throat and stood up straight. "Directress, men are not what you've been taught. I've never raped anyone in my life." She smiled and her black eyes bore into mine with a fearful energy. "Try." I folded my arms. She was either insane or actually thought that I was an out-of-control raping maniac. "No." She unzipped her skirt and placed it over the back of a chair, following it with her blouse, bra and panties. Somehow she managed to glare at me the entire time. Very soon she stood stark naked, her legs spread slightly apart. She was a beautiful woman, the kind I'd follow into combat anytime. Her jutting breasts sagged only slightly without support, indicating superb underlying musculature and excellent skin tone. She thrust her naked pubis forward, planted her hands firmly on her hips, and threw her head back to complete the heroic pose. And then she stared at me, a challenge for the Gods, and waited confidently for my mad charge. For once, little David and I were in total agreement. "Forget it, Tyrona. I'm not going to rape you." She frowned. "Remove its clothing," she ordered the guards. I didn't protest when the guards slipped the dress over my head and I helped with the rest, even handing my panties to a guard, who took it automatically, then threw the garment on the floor angrily. I turned back to Tyrona and faced her coolly. She may have looked like a goddess, but she was no angel. I now had a pretty good idea of her nefarious plan. There had to be vids planted around the room waiting for the moment the man showed his "true" raping nature. Naturally, anything showing me in a good light would be edited out; this was all just a set-up to destroy me. She gazed at my manhood with a smile and a promise, and her tongue thrust delicately through white teeth, its pink tip masterfully applying a fresh gloss to deeply red lips. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and girded my loins for the battle of my life. I couldn't afford any mistakes. 'The area of a circle is pi r|2. The area of a sphere is 4pi r|2. The volume of a sphere is, um, 4/3pi r|3. The breasts in my face don't affect me at all. I have a nice pair myself, for crying out loud.' 'By the Goddess, her breasts are large - and that moaning as her hands gently caress...No! I'll bet she hates them. Her back must hurt like hell in the evening. Oh, take me back to North America, land of liberty, home of freedom, la la la la la! From the Arctic Circle to the Gulf of Mexico, la la la la la! Yes, she hates them...' 'That dance, more of a wriggling. I've seen better in bars - well, maybe not. The sheer silky expanse of it, the sinuous movement in those delicious hips! Periodic table! Hydrogen, Helium, Lithium, uh, Beryllium, Boron, Carbon, Nitrogen, Oxygen, Fluorine, Neon!' 'What the...? She's sampling herself. Can't look. Oh, Goddess - eau de Tyrona right under my nose. Musky scent a little different than Wendy. Not bad. I've certainly smelled worse - that girl from Killeen...Twinges and twitches - must stop! I'm thinking of Tyrona with a maniacal gleam in eyes, holding a razor-sharp curved blade above me, moving downwards, slicing away left nut. Incredible pain! Holds up the bloody gonad and shows it to me, grinning like the Mistress of Demons.' As the crisis passed, I shrugged nonchalantly and grinned into her face. Holding onto that last vision held the key for me - that and Tyrona's refusal to touch me. There was nothing she could do to arouse me and I think she realized it about the same time I did. She glared at me under hooded lids, raging fury that began in her eyes then changed, becoming a full-body quake that jiggled her breasts, which affected my newfound serenity not at all. Do your worst, Tyrona. I am man; hear me snore. But she wasn't quite through with me yet. "Guard!" she snapped, pointing to Bren. She stepped forward, glancing at me uncertainly. "Directress?" "Manipulate the man. Make it..." Tyrona paused to purse her lips in disgust. "Stroke it; make it feel good." Bren's mouth opened wide. "Directress?" she asked faintly. I didn't blame her. Besides not being in her job description, she was being told to commit blasphemy. "Tyrona!" I protested. "Let it go. This will prove nothing." "Do it," she ordered the guard, ignoring me. Bren sighed heavily and approached me slowly, closing her eyes as she took me in her hand. The revulsion on her face made me wince. The poor woman had no idea what to do - not that it would have mattered anyway. I spent my time glaring at Tyrona. After several minutes of this, Tyrona ordered her to her knees, and Bren took me in her mouth, crying tears of humiliation. "I'm sorry, Bren," I said quietly. "I know this is not your will." I waited furiously until Tyrona finally lost patience with this farce. "Stop. Return to you're place." Bren backed away, wiping her mouth with her hand. She took her position by the door looking faintly green. Tyrona regarded me coldly. "You are either defective or the hormones you're taking have stolen your ability to rape." I'd had enough. "There is a third possibility - the one where the man has no interest in mating with a sick bitch." Her eyes left the world for a moment, and the parts of her body that could, stiffened in rage. When she returned, she wore an evil grin. "Guards, hold it still." She turned and went to her desk as they complied, bringing out a small syringe and bottle from a drawer. "You think you've won something, man?" she asked me as she filled the syringe with an amber fluid. "You haven't. You're an irritant, a bug. Bugs can nibble at your food, spoiling things, spreading germs, but in the end, the bug dies beneath a boot." I struggled in the guards' grasp, but they were far too strong. "You'd better talk to Jezzi before you kill me, Tyrona! You have no idea what you're risking." She smiled. "And you have no idea what's going on. You thought you had the right cards, but you were never in the game." She held up the needle and squirted a small stream into the air. Her eyes were black as coal. "This, man, is the end of your kind on Sappho." She stabbed me in the arm, and I couldn't do a damn thing except scream. I woke up very groggy and tired in a hospital bed. Rolling my head from side to side, I captured a blurry picture of my surroundings, a small room with no windows and a solid-looking door. An IV dripped into my arm. I tried to get upset or relieved at this, but my emotions weren't working very well. I glanced down at the sheets covering me. There was flatness and a smooth curve where there should have been more. It took a few seconds to register what that meant. I tried to cry or laugh or something, but nothing worked. 'Shit, they cut it off,' I thought, amazed. 'I guess I'm a woman. I wonder what they'll do to me tomorrow?' I fell back and passed out. I woke up the regular way this time, from sleep, rather than an underdose of drugs, still in the same room in the same bed. I remembered what had happened earlier and I didn't have to look down, but I did anyway; it was still gone. The door opened and a face with startlingly blue eyes I didn't expect to see soon hovered over my chest. "Donna, I'm sorry. Believe me, I had nothing to do with this." "Joanne." I bit back what I wanted to say. She wasn't the object of my bitterness. "Joanne, why?" "I'm not sure. I think that you were a loose end. Jezzi probably felt that you would always be a danger as a man. This way, she could show the world that you were harmless and just like everyone else." I stared at her. "Joanne, I made some disks." She took my hand. "I know you did. They're all over the net. A lot of people are furious with Jezzi, but it's not nearly as bad as it could have been. You went on the vid and explained that you prefer being a woman now." I dropped my jaw. "Joanne. I swear..." She nodded. "Yes, you did. They can do some pretty amazing things with drugs nowadays. You looked a bit uninterested, but you were fairly convincing." I lay back and thought of what an idiot I was. I laughed crazily. I had never felt so used or powerless. "So, Jezzi and Tyrona had me completely outmaneuvered the whole time." She looked up at my tone. "If I were you, I'd go a little easier on yourself. Your heart was in the right place. There was no way you could have known about the drugs." I closed my eyes for a moment, looking for a bright side. "Am I going to be killed?" She shook her head. "No. Tyrona tried hard to get you to speak the access codes to the ship, but you wouldn't do it. You must have a powerful hypnotic block. I'm pretty sure that you're safe for the time being." I sighed. So Jezzi still wanted the hyperdrive. That meant that I still had some leverage. "I'm a little surprised to see you; I'd have thought you would have despised me." She smiled. "Naw, I even liked you a little. I felt sorry for you, too because I knew what Jezzi had planned for you when my tests were completed. I'm happy to say that I was wrong about your character. Saving the girl's life was very brave. It's not all bad news, Donna. To show the world how kindhearted Paglia is, they used the finest surgeons on Sappho. You are now as close to a woman as we could make you. They even changed your appearance slightly to be able to blend in - too many people know Donna Terrell's face from the vids." "Wait, back-up. What, precisely, did they do to me?" I licked my lips before forming the words. "Artificial vagina, real breast tissue?" "Far beyond that. You have a real set of ovaries, cervix, vagina, and clitoris - everything. They rerouted your nerves to join to your equivalent female sexual organs. They say it will take time, but eventually your brain will make the connection and you should function normally." I gripped the sheets again. "I have a uterus and ovaries?" She nodded and covered my hand gently. "You do. It will take a couple of months for everything to heal completely, but you will have the same functions - and abilities a normal woman has." She smiled at my expression. "Yes, that's what it means. Periods and the potential to have children." I looked down again, imagining what they had done, and a deep surge of hatred swept through me. They had taken everything from me: my life, my dreams, and even my identity as a man. And it wasn't even necessary. I'd just wanted to live my life out in peace with Wendy. What did they think I was going to do, lead a revolution? "I know that this doesn't mean much to you now, Donna, but you look quite attractive to me now. When I saw you last, you were overly large, hairy, and had that 'device' between your legs." She was correct; right then it didn't mean much. I had liked that "device" and there was something more: "My girlfriend isn't going to think this change is so great." She shuddered and turned away. "Goddess! That's gross!" The implied criticism in her sexual imagery really pissed me off. "Look, Joanne. The vast majority of women in the universe prefer sex with a man. The lesbians on Sappho are by far the minority and only kept this way by very selective genetics." The outrage hormones kicked in when I thought of what this would mean to Wendy and me, and I sat up. "Get this, damn it: I love my girlfriend very much. I would have married her if we had had the chance. That perversion that you call a boss has almost certainly screwed that up for us, but I have no regrets about loving her. None!" She turned back to me in surprise at the hurt in my voice. "Donna, I'm sorry! Please forgive me. From your point of view you're right. It's a reaction to the idea of, well..." She still looked faintly ill, as if she wanted to vomit. I couldn't stay mad with her. I lay back in the bed again, exhausted, and wiped the tears off with the sheet. "I understand. Really, I do. So, do you believe my version of events; that men aren't generally pigs and crazy raping barbarians?" She nodded and even smiled, a pretty thing. "I'm a scientist. Based on the evidence I've seen, it's my new working hypothesis." It was a major concession from her. Impulsively, I held out my hand. "Friends?" She took it. "Friends." The door swung opened almost silently. The woman I had expected to see walked in behind two guards. Jezzi Belladonna glanced sharply at Joanne and jerked to the side with her head. Joanne backed away. I knew from Joanne that I had at least one high card - she needed the hyperdrive, or at least she thought she did. I gripped the sheets as I watched her approach, truly hating her. I was sure that it was sheer malice that had ordered me unmanned. Still, I was in a hospital bed and she could make life very difficult for me. I waited for the bitch to make the first move. She smiled like my damn grandmother. "And how are we today, Ms. Terrell? Are you a sore loser?" She laughed wildly. It was such an obviously cold, calculating thing to say the effect was blunted. 'What is it with women who laugh when men lose their balls?' I marveled. "That cruel act was worthy of a man from your bullshit mythology," I said grimly. "I'm inclined to tell you to kiss your hyperdrive goodbye." She shook her head confidently. "No you won't. You'll give me the hyperdrive because you want to help the throwbacks on this world. If you want to get my help allowing women to become 'men' on this world, you'll do it." "Damn it, Jezzi! How can I trust you after that stunt you pulled?" I shouted. "You had no intention of honoring a deal with me!" She looked at me quizzically. "Deal? Did anyone mention a deal? No, my delectable girl, we merely discussed possibilities. Now I think we have a good idea of where we stand. I need your help to get me the hyperdrive to remove the throwbacks from Sappho. In return, I'll make it possible for the throwbacks to be satisfied with ersatz men." She smiled. "Are you with me so far, my beautiful angel? Oh, if I were only a few years younger!" She laughed. I shuddered at the thought. "Make that a few decades and only if I were a man, sweet cheeks," I replied nastily to the aging lesbian. She frowned. "You wish to talk business? Very well. There is a new condition: The beacon you released must be destroyed before the signal from your craft reaches it and alerts the universe to our existence." My heart leaped. Could my ship still be intact? There were suddenly a hell of a lot of ramifications to this. "You managed to manufacture the part I need for the hyperdrive control interface?" She looked at me very closely. "It really wasn't that difficult - it's not as small as the original, but we managed with off the shelf components. You weren't lying to us then; your ship is cleverly designed. If we analyze it too closely, it destroys itself. It's still the same as you left it. You must train another to pilot it and destroy the beacon." I shook my head. "Impossible. The ship is keyed to me. I can't transfer authority, nor would I." "You will, Donna," she said ominously. I shrugged happily, knowing it would annoy the harpy. "I can't. Think about it, Jezzi. There are a lot of these scout ships in space. I'm expendable. Why would Earth risk some dangerous, primitive culture stealing a hyperdrive ship to be used in an interstellar war, to bomb or release some biological agent on an enemy from some distant star? Do you think that you're the first planet to try to force a scout to give up his ship?" She thought it over for a moment, then: "Then you must pilot it." I thought about it for a considerable time, making the harridan shift painfully on her evil feet. "It's acceptable to me. There must be safeguards to ensure that we both do what we agree on, but in principle, I agree. "After I destroy the beacon, would there be any objections if I returned to Earth? It would be to your advantage." "How would it be to Sappho's advantage to let you go?" "First off, you would be getting rid of me. Secondly, if I were allowed to do my job and scout this planet, I could give Sappho a recommendation to make you off-limits. If you are peaceful and don't want to let the outside in, then Earth will oblige. You will be free to contact Earth or other planets as you choose, of course. Naturally, I must make a complete survey of Sappho for my recommendation to have weight." She pursed her lips, revealing wrinkles around her lying mouth. "You will have to satisfy me that your rules and bylaws of your organization would grant us non-interference. And you would be monitored wherever you went." "I can show you the rules when I get access to my ship." I pointed to Joanne. "I choose her as my monitor." Jezzi watched Joanne's startled expression closely. "Agreed." It was only a couple of days before they let me out of the hospital. To protect my identity and to keep my new face a secret, they gave me a new name, Debbie Larranti, with a new cover story and extensive background. Joanne stayed with me most of the time. I know she wasn't too pleased being with me. She was a scientist and wanted to be in on the ground floor to learn the hyperdrive technology as I revealed it from the ship's database. The first task was to provide an infrastructure for manufacturing hyperdrive components. Sappho's scientific community eagerly absorbed sudden advances in chemistry and metallurgy. Special tooling and processes were set-up in suitable buildings in and around Paglia City's outer ring. I did what I said I was going to do, but I wasn't pleasant to be around. One doesn't get used to having one's manhood stolen from him. Every time I had to sit to pee, every time panties fit snugly, or when I looked to the mountains where Wendy, Barbara, and I had made love, I hated Jezzi and Tyrona. They had done this to humiliate me; to attack my very core and destroy my identity; to mockingly remake me in their own image. It wasn't something I could forgive. As monitor, Joanne shared a large apartment with me. At first, she would come see me when I cried and raged at night, but after a couple of times of being coldly rebuffed, she let me alone, or watched me in concern from a distance. She meant well, but she really didn't understand. How could she? To trade manhood in to become a woman was invariably a step up for her. I also don't think that she quite understood how much I loved or missed Wendy. It was as if only lesbian love was pure to her. Anything else was a crude derivative. And there was the sure knowledge that someday I would face Wendy again. I didn't have any answers. After several months of wearing skirts and dresses, it was odd to wear pants. The feel of fabric against my legs again took a while to get used to. Certainly, there were advantages to being a woman on Sappho. I finally went swimming, snorkeling in the Paglia Ocean. I didn't have to worry about revealing anything anymore, not having anything left to reveal. To work off some hate, I took up running in the early morning before breakfast, and surprisingly, Joanne joined me. We were silent for about a kilometer. I didn't set a fast pace, preferring to absorb the view of the modest buildings of downtown, their features soft in the pale pre-dawn sky; only a few of the brightest stars could still be seen and both Xena and Gabriel, the two moons, were already over the horizon. We were almost alone on the walking path beside the main thoroughfare and a cool breeze swirled gently around us, unusual at that hour, indicating a weather change on the way. For a moment, I felt alone in the city - but only for a moment. "Debbie, I want to understand." I'd allowed the serenity of the morning to penetrate. I smiled and calmly considered how rude I had been to her recently. As monitor, she had no choice than to be around me almost all the time and she deserved better from me, regardless of my problems. "I'm sorry, Joanne. You've been a friend to me and I've treated you like shit. I'm furious, frustrated, and worried. You've reached out and I've pushed you away." She smiled back. "Are you ready to talk about it?" "You know, Joanne, that's one of the differences between men and women. Women have always shared their feelings more easily. Men have tended to keep it within, mull it around for a while and finally come to some resolution." Her eyebrows furrowed. "Why on Sappho would you want to do that? We're all women under the Goddess." I grinned tightly. "You can't possibly be including me in that phrase." "I'd like to, Debbie, very much." Those words compelled me to really look at her. Her eyes matched her words, and they met mine. The appeal in them brought a knot to my throat and the next few breaths were difficult and heaving. My eyes blurred and I stopped in the middle of the path by a tree within sight of the ocean. Her arms pulled me to her and I couldn't hold it back any longer. I cried and cried, weeping for what was lost, yet that morning, in Joanne's arms, I gained something else, something I didn't expect. As I sighed one last time against her shoulder, I was still furious, but I wasn't going to kill myself. I would resolve this in my mind somehow and get over the bitterness that was ruining my life. I wouldn't allow Jezzi the satisfaction. "Thank you, Joanne. I really needed that." She brushed a few stray hairs from my face. "That was only the first part, Debbie. You have to tell me what's bothering you. I want to understand." I smiled a little. "I suppose I could tell about my life as a man and some of that sexual stuff that makes you want to heave, and then tell you about how much I hate Jezzi, but that doesn't seem quite as important now. I know now that I was destroying myself with hatred over what Jezzi had done to me." "You have a right to hate Jezzi, Debbie. Subjectively, I don't understand why you are quite so upset at becoming a woman. Heck, you were halfway to being one anyway, but I saw the glee when Jezzi watched your operation on the vid. When the remains of your genitalia were set ablaze in the offering tray of the Goddess, her laughter was so violent I thought she was having a fit. She thought it would hurt you and it obviously did." "Remind me not to watch that particular vid." I sighed. "You know, maybe it doesn't matter that you don't understand what it is to be a man. If you understand that losing it was painful, that's enough for me." She laughed softly. "That's good because I'm afraid that's as far as I can go with it. What I understand more is losing your lover, Wendy." I frowned. "I'm sure that I never mentioned her name. How did you know?" "You talk sometimes in your sleep when you're upset. You moaned her name several times. I know that you love her." I nodded sadly. "Yeah, I do. I miss her a lot and dread meeting her again like this." "You're going to have to meet her." "I agree, but she's wanted by the police. You're my monitor; do you have any ideas how I could avoid your surveillance?" She shrugged. "I'm a scientist. You wanted me to be your monitor. I could be a scientist again for a half a day or so." I shook my head firmly. "I don't want you to get in trouble." She smiled. "I wouldn't. We are watched occasionally, but not often. I give an update on your activities once a week. They aren't worried about you. You aren't going to start a war or anything - and there are many ways I could disappear." In the end it was easy. I simply rented a house on the beach on a seeming spur of the moment while on a weekend trip to the northern town of Cho. When we pulled our bags from the car, Wendy was already inside, ensconced in one of the bedrooms. The entire rendezvous had been arranged by net mail from a public terminal through Barbara. I dumped my bags into a bedroom and walked to a closed door. I knocked softly three times in a staccato pattern and the door opened. Her black eyes, so intense at times, watched me with sadness and compassion. I took a step inside unconsciously, utterly drawn to her. The door had barely closed before she took me in her arms and kissed me. For the