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Sonia By Margaret Jeanette Sam Henning was taking his evening walk. He always walked after supper. It was his way of avoiding arguments that seemed to be more common with his wife Trudy lately. He liked to roll with the waves, not inclined to be quarrelsome or make any kind of trouble. He knew he was a bit of a wimp but he was satisfied, knowing that he was avoiding a confrontation with anyone. He was four blocks from home and passing Sandy Livingston's house just as she was coming out. Sandy was his wife's best friend. "Hello Sandy! You sure look great in that dress." "You really think this looks that good on me?" "That dress would look sexy on anyone but it really makes you look great!" "Thank you. Why don't you come in for lemonade? It's warm out and you look like you could use a drink." He agreed, and they were soon in the house enjoying a glass of lemonade. They finished their glasses when suddenly she grabbed him and gave him a kiss on his lips. "I always wanted to do that! I knew you were a great kisser! How did you like it?" "It was spectacular! Unexpected but spectacular! I wasn't ready for it but it was a pleasant surprise." "Well, get ready for another one then. This one won't be a surprise." They kissed again and she rubbed his crotch while they were kissing. He got hard immediately. She kept her arms around his neck and led him into her bedroom. Five minutes later they were having intercourse. When they finished she asked him if he really meant it when he said that dress would be sexy on anyone and he agreed it would. She asked if he wanted another glass of lemonade and he declined, saying he had to get home. At home Trudy, his wife, asked him how his walk went. He said it was all right. The next night at supper Trudy asked him who was the sexiest of her girlfriends. He told her it was Sandy. She asked who was second and he said Tamara was definitely second. "Well, I talked to Sandy today and she told me all about last night at her house. She doesn't feel happy about the whole thing. Maybe you would like to be free to marry one of those two. You cheated on me and that is grounds for divorce." "Don't divorce me! I love you. Last night was just something that got out of control. It happened so fast and I just lost it. It will never happen again, I promise." "I can't trust you anymore. I am not sure what to do, if I should keep you or divorce you." "I'll do anything to prove I love you. Anything at all!" "Anything at all you say? Do you really mean that?" "Yes, yes, I will do whatever you say!" "Maybe divorce isn't the answer. I know of something different. If women don't look at you as a man then they won't be tempting you. How does that sound?" "I don't know what you are talking about but I'll do whatever you want." She told him to follow her and she led him into the bedroom and told him to strip. Then she took him into the bathroom and had him take a shower after she put hair remover all over him from his neck down. He gasped as he saw his hair falling off. Even his pubic hair was gone when he got out of the shower. She had him rub a sweet smelling lotion all over his body. Then she handed him a pair of panties. He gingerly put them on. In the bedroom she glued breast forms on him and had him put on a black bra. He was very quiet and didn't say a word. Then it was black thigh high nylons and a black slip. Then she did his make-up, putting eye liner, mascara and eye shadow on him. Then came the foundation and blush followed by lip liner and red lipstick. Then it was the long brunette wig she had worn last Halloween. He gasped when he saw the dress. He knew it was the same one Sandy had on last night. "Sandy said you thought this dress would look sexy on anyone. We'll see if you're right." When he was in the red and white dress, Trudy produced a pair of red three-inch heels for him to put on. When he looked in the mirror he saw he indeed did look like a woman. "You always take a walk after supper so you can return that dress to Sandy. She is waiting for it" "I can't go out like this! You have got to be kidding!" "You told me you would do anything I asked for and right away you don't want to do a simple thing. You have two choices right now. You can either take your walk and return that dress or walk out the door and never come back. Which will it be?" "I'll return the dress to Sandy." He said in a dejected voice. As he went out he was thankful no neighbors were out in their front yards. He listened to the click of his heels as he walked. It took him longer to get to Sandy's house but he finally arrived. He rang the doorbell and hoped she wasn't home but she opened the door almost immediately. She laughed when she saw him. Inside he told her that Trudy said he was to return the dress. She said Trudy had called and told her he was returning it, but she never thought he'd be wearing it. She said she would see if she had something for him to wear home. She came out with a half slip, blouse and skirt. He noticed the half slip was very short. She helped him out of the dress and he asked her if she didn't have some pants that would fit him. She said he would look funny in pants and red heels. He put the white lacy blouse on and she helped him get the half slip and skirt on. It was a micro mini and the tops of his thigh highs showed. She had him take the thigh highs off and gave him a pair of foot peds to wear in the heels. She had him look in the mirror and told him he looked sexier in that than he did the dress. She said he might have to defend himself on the walk back home, and laughed at her own humor. He started back and saw her pass him in her car before he got to the first corner. He wondered if Trudy was expecting him to wear a dress to work tomorrow. He just couldn't do that. He was just about home and he saw two cars in the driveway. One he knew was Sandy's but he didn't know who was in the other car. In the house he saw Trudy, Sandy and Tamara. He blushed when Tamara said he looked like he was looking for sex in that outfit. Trudy said Sandy said he was like a little boy and little boys need to be punished. She said he was going to give him spanking of his life. He pleaded with her not to give him a spanking but she held firm. Trudy was a hard woman and lately had been so short-tempered he really looked forward to his evening walks. He knew she could be mean if she wanted to. "I have to spank you so you will never think about cheating on me again. You can either take the spanking or clear your stuff out of the house. Which will it be?" "I'll take the spanking." "It's going to be one like you have never had before. You betrayed my trust in you and I have to get it out of my system." She ordered him to bend over the arms of a dining room chair. He did and she handcuffed his wrists to the legs of the chair and his ankles to the other legs of the chair. She said that was to keep him bent over and in place. She pulled down his panties and flipped his slip and skirt up. He heard the whistle of the riding crop and felt the sting of the whip. He let out a scream. Trudy told him if he wasn't quieter the neighbors would hear him and be over to watch his punishment. She continued to hit him, leaving red strip marks on his rear. After the fifth hit he stopped screaming and started crying openly. Trudy continued to hit him until her arm was getting tired. She handed the riding crop to Sandy and told her to continue. Sandy continued the whipping. Some time into it his mind went blank, and Tony -- a figure of his imagination -- came in. Tony was an imaginary adventurer and world traveler. Tony didn't stay long as usual, and soon he became Sonia in his mind. Sonia was a head strong woman who knew what she wanted and how she could get it. He hadn't experienced Sonia for a lot of years. When he was little and his father or his mother would beat him he would be Sonia, because Sonia never felt pain. It made life easier to be Sonia. Sonia took over his body and consoled him as he went inside himself. He was hurting too much to face the world. He liked Sonia because she comforted him as a child and she took over to express feelings when he couldn't express his feelings that he could express himself. Sandy gave the riding crop to Tamara, and she concentrated on his upper thighs, leaving red stripes in a criss-cross fashion. She then gave the riding crop back to Trudy, who continued to beat him. They were at it for almost an hour. Finally Sandy noticed that he wasn't reacting to the hits. Trudy hit him one more time and saw she was right. For a moment they thought they might have killed him, but were relieved when they saw him breathe. Trudy unlocked the cuffs and removed them. All three women saw the bruises the cuffs left. She told him he could get up now but he didn't move a muscle. He just laid there, not reacting to anything they said. Trudy poked him and he didn't react. He was passed out. The three women after some exertion got him lying on his side of the bed. His rear was solid red and turning black and blue. Trudy said that he'd deserved every bit of his punishment. Sandy asked her if she was going to send him to work in a dress. Trudy said she didn't think that would be a good idea, that he could get fired if she did that. The women chatted for another hour before the two left. The next morning Trudy was surprised when he came out still wearing the blouse and skirt. "Good morning Martha!" "Who's Martha? Why are you dressed like that?" "I'm Sonia. Don't you know me?" "No, I don't. Are you going to work like that?" "Work, what work? I don't work. I just have fun." Trudy was now worried. What was Sam pulling now? How could he sound so sincere about being Sonia? What had happened to him? She decided he needed to see a doctor right away. She had him get into her car and she drove directly to the doctor's office. At the doctor's office the nurse took them right in. The doctor listened as Trudy told him Sam now says he is Sonia. She said this happened over night. The doctor said he would have to give him a quick check up. The doctor saw the marks from last night's beating on the back of his thighs. When he asked about it Trudy said she had given him a spanking the night before. The doctor lifted the skirt and pulled the panties down a bit. "I am afraid I have to report this to the police. It appears to be domestic abuse and by law I have to report it." "Please don't do that! I was punishing him for being unfaithful to me and I might have gotten carried away a little." "I am afraid this is more than being carried away a little. I am going to give him a thorough check up. Excuse me, I will be right back." He left, and Trudy began thinking that maybe she shouldn't have spanked him like that. But how was she to know he would turn out like this? She saw that his reddened legs were now black and blue. The doctor came in and told her it might be better if she waited in the waiting room. She left, and as she was sitting in the waiting room a police officer came in and the nurse took him back. Five minutes later the officer came out and went out the door. She thought she was free of any trouble from the police, but the officer came right back in, carrying a camera. She knew she was in trouble now. The officer came out and approached her. He told her she was under arrest for domestic violence and read her her rights. He cuffed her and took out to his squad car. She said she had to be there to take him home and the officer told her the doctor told him he was going to a hospital. She'd never thought he would have to go to a hospital. The officer told her they could see marks where the cuffs were fastened on him, and had taken pictures of his wrists, ankles and rear end. Sonia stood as Dr. Burke called for transportation to the hospital. Sonia listened as the doctor told them how Sam was now Sonia. Sonia wondered why a hospital would be so interested in who she was. Ten minutes later two men came in with a gurney. Sonia was told to lie on her stomach and was strapped in. The doctor had put some lotion on his rear and his thighs. They now felt cool to him. He lifted his head as the ambulance stopped, and saw a sign that read 'Baker Mental Hospital'. He wondered why he was going here. Inside he met Dr. Tobias, who told him he would be working with him. Sonia liked Dr. Tobias and told him she looked forward to talking to him. They took Sonia to a room that would be his while he was there. Sonia liked the room. Then Sonia was taken to an interview room where Dr. Tobias was waiting. Dr. Tobias sat watching her and not saying anything. Sonia played with a wisp of hair in her wig. "Now, Sonia, Dr. Burke has given us quite a bit of information about you but I want to build on that information. It is extremely important that you give me honest answers to all of my questions. Can I count on you doing that?" "Yes." "First, how long have you been active in Sam's mind? Do you know?" "Yes, I have been there for many, many years. The first time I remember is when he was about five years old. His mother spanked him and I emerged. I emerged a lot every time he was spanked until once Tony emerged. Then he let Tony emerge a lot when he was playing and I had to wait for my chance. Tony doesn't know about me but I know all about him. Sam only let me out when he was in pain, except for one time when he was thirteen and he let me out to play with him. Then last night he let me out and let me take control. I think Sam is totally destroyed now. He feels he is a complete failure as a man." "Why would that be?" "He allowed three women to beat him without a fight. He withdrew into himself and pushed me out after Tony abandoned him. Tony was a funny person. He was all-man and he couldn't handle women being in control. I laughed when he scooted out of there like a tornado was coming or something. I am the only one who can handle just about every situation that comes along." "What do you want to do?" "First thing is to get more clothes. This outfit is what Sandy gave me and it's all I have to wear." "How do you intend on getting more clothes? Do you have any money?" "No, but there's Sam's paycheck. We can call his employer and have it sent here. Then it can be cashed and I can get some more clothes. I don't care for this outfit. It's too bad Sam didn't believe in credit cards but he had his own ideas about things." "Do you think you could let me talk to Sam?" "I don't think that's necessary. He's hurting so bad he doesn't want to talk to anyone right now. I can tell you exactly how he feels about everything. He was a nice man but he allowed people to take advantage of him a lot. He was too trusting." "Where did Sam work?" "At Valley Veneer and Supply. They hired him as an accountant and he kept all of their books and stuff. Occasionally he filled in when a salesman was off but he didn't really care about that. He just liked his desk and he was a neatness freak, if you know what I mean." "I would like to talk to Sam. Will you let him come out?" "He has to have time to think and heal if he is ever to come out again. I'll tell you one thing, and that is, he doesn't want this body anymore. He is completely ready to give it up. I have never seen him this despondent and so low in his life. When he is ready to come out I will let him, but don't count on it soon." "I have to talk to him. I can't go on just what you are telling me. Maybe I can help him cope with what has happened to him." "Maybe you can and maybe you can't. Maybe after I get some new clothes I'll let you talk to him. " Dr. Tobias tried hypnotizing Sonia. She did the multiplication tables to avoid it. It worked and finally the doctor gave up for today. He dismissed her telling her he would call his employer for the paycheck. Dr. Tobias made two phone calls, one to his employer explaining that an incident had caused him to be hospitalized, requesting his paycheck be mailed to the hospital, and inquiring what benefits he would receive. He was surprised to find out Sam had six weeks of sick leave built up and that his insurance would cover ninety per cent of the bill. The second call was to the police to tell them about the fact there were three women involved in the beating. He told them one was named Sandy and he didn't know the other one's name. They thanked him and said they would investigate it further and let him know what they found out. They also asked if he would keep them abreast of how Sam was doing. He agreed and felt he had done his job. In the afternoon Dr. Tobias had another meeting with Sonia. He kept pressing for her to let Sam come out. She told him she really felt sorry for Sam and didn't want him hurt any further. Dr. Tobias assured her that he wouldn't harm Sam in any way and Sonia let him know she would be watching to make sure he didn't rake up any bad memories for him. Dr. Tobias noticed a complete facial expression change and knew Sam was there. He also noticed the body shift into another posture. "Sam, I have to ask you a few questions. I want to help you deal with what has happened. But first, do you know there is another person living inside of you?" "There were two but I think Tony left. The other is Sonia. She has been there since I was small. She isn't a bad person but she can be on the pushy side. She thinks she can handle anything that comes along. When I was about thirteen I let her out once and she had me put on my mother's clothes to see what she would look like. I almost got caught because of her." Dr. Tobias was surprised that even his voice had changed into a more masculine sounding voice. He did appear as a beaten man but Dr. Tobias thought he might be able to cure that. "She wants to take control of you. What do you think about that?" "I think she can have what's left. She has a drive that I know I don't have. She can be very sweet when she wants to but she distrusts most people. Those she trusts she's checked out -- she has her own way of testing them. I know she would take good care of me and let me out from time to time as long as she remembers me. I'm afraid she would forget I am in here though." "How do you feel about the fact you are wearing a dress?" "I never protested or fought back when those women beat me. What kind of man allows himself to be beaten by a woman to the point where he wants to die rather than face the future? Right now I don't care about anything; all that is left to do is to die and the sooner the better." "Who was there when you were beaten?" "My wife, Sandy and Tamara. They took turns beating me but after a while I didn't feel the whip. I just heard it whistle in the air." "What if I left Sonia in control of your body?" "She can have it. She isn't so bad. It is just that she wants to control everything. She can be fun at times!" "What if I told you it would be possible to return to your job and have a future?" "Any future would still have the memory of what has happened to me, and I know it could happen again. I will kill myself before that happens again." "I understand, but it need not happen again. I am sure I can help you! Will you let me help you get over what has happened?" "My heart says yes but my mind says no! Right now all I want to do is withdraw from everything, and hopefully things will work out. " "Are you saying to let Sonia be in control of your body?" "I guess I am. Tony left for parts unknown and I know she wants to give it a go. So let her see what life is really about." "Let Sonia come back so I can talk to her please." Sonia came out and she told him she heard everything and thanked him for being so understanding with Sam. Dr. Tobias told her he would leave her in charge but wanted her to stay for at least two weeks so he could observe how she handled things. He told her when the paycheck came they would cash it and she could go shopping for some new clothes. The next day when Dr. Tobias met with her he discussed jobs she might be able to do. She said she thought she could do waitress or receptionist jobs. The doctor asked her where she was going to stay when she got out and she didn't know but said she was sure she could find an apartment reasonably priced somewhere. When the doctor asked her what she thought about sex she said she never thought about sex. She surprised him when she said she might be able to go all her life without it. They did the question and answer thing and the doctor was amazed at how well she seemed to be looking at things. Her mind seemed to be well organized, and it was clear that she wouldn't be a threat to anyone or to herself. He gave her a surprised look when she sat down for the first time not showing any pain. Her rear must be healing nicely. She was eating supper in the dining hall when Dr. Tobias came to her and told her that the paycheck had come and tomorrow morning a staff member would take her shopping. She grinned the widest grin he had seen so far. The next morning a woman came and introduced herself as Karen and told her she was taking her shopping. When Karen asked her where she wanted to go first she said she had to get a purse and cosmetics. She told Karen she wanted to go someplace where they weren't expensive. Karen took her to a thrift store where she spent over two hours getting dresses and a matching wallet and purse. Then Karen took her to a full-service drug store where she got the cosmetics she thought she needed. Then it was to a self-service shoe store where she got four pairs of shoes. Karen noted that she giggled every time she found something to buy. She was like a kid in a candy store. Then they went to a factory outlet store for underwear. Karen noted that she bought only the most feminine underwear. When they were done she said she only had thirty dollars left. She offered to buy lunch somewhere not expensive. They were eating lunch at a fast food place and Karen asked her if there was any place else she wanted to go. She asked about getting her ears pierced. Karen said she knew just the place to go for that. Karen asked her about many things and she cheerfully answered everything. They got her ears pierced in two places and she bought four sets of studs and three dangly earring sets. On the way back Sonia asked Karen if there was someone at the hospital that could give her make-up lessons. She said she'd never used it before. Karen said she would make sure someone helped her with it. It was mid-afternoon when they got back to the hospital. Sonia was putting away all of her purchases when an aide came and said Dr. Tobias wanted to see her. The aide accompanied her to his office. She was surprised to see Karen there. "Karen tells me you had an enjoyable shopping trip. She says you were just like any schoolgirl on her first shopping trip alone. Karen is Dr. Karen Reed, and she is going to be working with you. She will be giving you hints and suggestions to help you cope in the world. I must tell you though, I am going to want to speak to Sam again before you are released." "I didn't know Karen was a doctor here. I don't mind it though because she was so nice to me and I enjoyed her company." "Sonia," Karen said. "Dr. Tobias asked me what I thought about your trip shopping and I told him the truth. Besides, you know any woman likes to go shopping. What I did notice is that you watched what you bought very closely. Also I noticed that every one of your dresses have flowers on them. That tells me something about you and your tastes. I am looking forward to working with you. Also, after supper Margaret is going to work with you on applying make-up. She is our make-up expert and enjoys showing women how to use make-up properly." Dr. Tobias then said, "Tomorrow I am going to want to talk to Sam again. You do realize he is the controlling factor in all of this. I will have to talk to him from time to time to see if he is improving in any way." "I realize that. I can tell you he is hurting and I can't convince him that he can work things out. He's a nice guy but doesn't have a lot of drive. Ask him about his mother once and see what he says." "You can help the most," Dr. Tobias told her. "You have known him the longest and you know his strengths and weaknesses. You can tell me what makes him tick and what his fears are. Will you help me to try to help him heal?" "Yes, I will. You have to believe me when I say I do like him even if he has a boring life. He deserves better than he got in life, that's for sure." "Good, I'll see you tomorrow morning and we will try to start the healing process. Thank you for all the help so far." After supper Margaret came to her room and showed her how to properly apply the cosmetics she had gotten. She giggled often, really enjoying herself. Margaret told her she made a pretty decent looking girl and that she should keep the cosmetics toned down and not use the dramatic colors. Margaret explained how to use a color theme to match clothing with her best colors. She soaked it all in very fast. After Margaret left she practiced making kisses in the mirror. She giggled as she saw how her face looked so different when she did that. She was extremely happy. The next morning Dr. Tobias asked her to let Sam come out. He watched as her posture and facial expressions changed. He couldn't believe how sad Sam looked. "Sam, how do you feel today?" "I am not sure. I wish I could just stay where it is quiet and no one bothers me. Why can't I just stay in the background?" "You are a part of Sonia whether you like it or not. Take this mirror and look at your face. Do you like what she is doing to you?" He looked at his face in the mirror. Dr. Tobias could see him studying it closely. Dr. Tobias was surprised when he showed a hint of a smile. "What are you smiling about?" "I never knew I could look like this! Sonia talks to me, and she told me I wouldn't recognize myself now, but I do. She's done some things I would never have thought of, but it always seems to work out. She's kind to me and I'm really getting to know her." "So much for Sonia. Now, do you still have feelings for your wife?" "Yes, but they've changed so much. I don't think I love her like I did. I don't really hate her but I'm afraid to admit I don't like her now. When I picture her I see that look on her face, and she is holding that whip. Then I feel the pain in my rear like it's happening all over again." "You know Sonia spent your whole paycheck on new clothes don't you? How do you feel about that?" "I didn't have anything to get. She told me she had a blast shopping, and if I remember, when she was shopping she did kind of thank me for the money. I think she likes talking to me and she is always very kind to me. She never puts me down and always tries to make me happy, I guess." "What can I do to make you want to come back and stay? What would it take for you to get the confidence to continue your journey through life?" "I'm happy when I'm in that warm place in her body. No one can hurt me there! I don't think I will ever get over what happened. Why can't I just stay there?" "You've lived a decent life so far. Why can't you just continue, and put the past out of your mind?" "I don't think I will ever forget what happened. It's deeply embedded in my mind." "Let's try something different. What was your childhood like? How do you feel about your mother?" "My mother was a very strict woman. She used to spank me for almost anything. She always sent me to my room after spanking me to think about whatever crime I had committed." "What did you do in your room then?" "I thought about it and either Toby or Sonia would come and we would talk about it. Toby usually said I took the spanking like a man and that there were a lot of adventures ahead. Sonia would console me when my mother spanked me for something I didn't do or if the spanking was more than I deserved.' "Do you hate your mother?" "No, I don't. She just didn't always look at everything and sometimes she got carried away. I know she loved me and I have always forgiven her no matter what she did. When she died I didn't have anyone who cared for me and I missed that. Then I met Trudy, She was a cashier at the bank. We dated and soon got married. Then she got promoted at the bank and she changed. She became more demanding of me and she was making more than I was so she took control of everything. I would take a walk in the evening mostly just to get some quiet time because she would tell me I should be doing better. My job wasn't the best but I knew what I was doing." "Do you have any close friends?" "No, there's no one I can talk to about personal things. I was a loner in school and never developed any close relationships. I never was into sports or going to the dances or anything. The only one who really ever listened to me was Sonia and I didn't know she had a name until I was in high school. Before that she was just some girl in my mind." "I think I understand where you are coming from. I may or may not be able to help you. Do you want me to try to help you?" "Why can't I stay in that warm place and not be bothered? I really don't mind, and in a way it's fun watching Sonia do her thing!" "I can't help you if you are not willing to work with me. You have to be willing to let me try to help you heal in your mind. Your body is just about healed but your mind is going to take longer. Do you understand that?" "Yes, I do but I'm not ready to try to get back to the world. I don't know if I will ever be ready to tell you the truth." "Okay, let Sonia come out if you would." He watched the transformation and was amazed at how fast it took place. He was writing some notes and finally addressed Sonia. "Thank you for all of your help. I learned a lot from Sam. I now know you two go back a long way and you were always there to comfort him. He is a classic example of a tortured person. I am sure I could help him but he has to agree to be an active part of the treatment. He is not ready just yet and I don't have any idea of how long it might be before he is ready, if ever. I do want to tell you that I think you look very nice today. I'll see you tomorrow." She wondered what the doctor was going to do. She didn't dwell on it, she was just enjoying life as it went along. She went back to her room and had a talk with Sam. She knew she was putting herself in jeopardy but told him she thought the doctor and he could work things out. He wasn't convinced. Finally she told him he wasn't a little boy any more and he had to face his fears or they would consume him. He retreated into a shell and wouldn't answer her. The next day Dr. Tobias talked to Sonia without asking to talk to Sam. After they finished she had to go see Karen again. The two of them had an excellent talk and Sonia showed she had a sense of humor. When they were done Karen told her not to worry about anything, that things have a way of working out. The next day Dr. Tobias wanted to talk to Sam. He told Sam that the three women were charged with battery and that Trudy was charged with domestic abuse and causing bodily harm. He also told him that the women had elected to have a three judge trial, not a jury trial. He tried to convince Sam to at least give it a try, to stay out and take over his body. Sam refused, saying he was content to stay the way things were. He shocked the doctor when he said the doctor could beat him but he wasn't ready to face life again. The doctor assured him he wouldn't be beaten again, but Sam wouldn't change his mind. Sam asked if he could go back inside, and the doctor agreed. When Sonia was out he showed her a tape of her conversation with Sam in her room. She was surprised that they had a camera in there. The doctor asked her why she stopped talking to him after she told him he wasn't a little boy anymore. She told him he went somewhere she couldn't reach. He was disturbed when he heard this. It meant Sam was hurting more than he thought. The next two days didn't improve in getting to Sam. Dr. Tobias tried everything he knew and couldn't get Sam to agree to even try to make some progress. He was ready to give up. Then he got an idea. "Sam, I have to tell you, I don't know what it's going to take for you to try to work this out. If you don't give me something to go on I'll have to leave Sonia in charge. You must want to have some say in what gets done to your body, don't you?" "I don't care what she does with it. I know her and know she wouldn't hurt me. She never has. She'll let me work this out on my own. She's already told me she thinks I should work it out, but I'm not ready to even try. When they whipped me I lost something, and until I figure out what that is I just want to be left alone." "Why can't you let me see if I can find out what it is that you lost, so together we can work it out?" "I'm not ready yet! I'll tell you something, and that is, if I never take over my body again it's all right with me." He retreated, and Dr. Tobias was saddened that he wouldn't at least try to take back his body. Sonia was slower coming back and the doctor asked her about it. "I heard everything. I didn't think he was hurt that bad. He is crying on the inside now. I don't know what to say to him. I feel so sorry for him. I am ready to let him have his body if he wants it but he doesn't have any ambition to get it back." "I know. I've tried everything I know and am trying to think of anything that might make him at least give it a try. I'm about ready to give up on him, but I assure you of one thing, and that is, I will never forget him. That beating did more harm to his ego than it did to this body." "You are right there. I think he never thought his wife could do something like that. When she did he turned inside himself and let me out to handle it. She didn't beat me so he let me work with her. I wasn't about to call the police on her or do anything to get even. He hurt so deep that he had to find a safe refuge deep inside himself, and now he doesn't want to come out. It is getting harder and harder to get him to come out. I think he is making a nest there and doesn't want to leave it." "You should have been a psychologist, because I think you hit the problem on the head. It is amazing what the mind can do and the power it has. It is going to take me a bit to think of something else to try to get him to at least try something. You are doing better than I thought you'd do " "Thank you for the vote of confidence. I want to tell you something. When she was beating him I called out for her to stop. I could see him withdrawing and I knew it didn't look good. I didn't want to come out but I had to. There's something funny, and that is, I couldn't feel the swats on my rear. It was like my rear was in a different world. I didn't like being cuffed to that chair but there was nothing I could do about that." "I understand. Tomorrow there's a hearing for Trudy and the other two women to see if there's anything that has to be addressed before the trial. Can you think of anything or do you have anything to contribute?" "I may have. I'll have to think about it. I don't want to get in between Sam and his wife but maybe it might be a good idea to let her know how badly she has hurt him." "I'll take you with me, as I have to testify and you can let me know if you want to add anything after I testify. How does that sound?" "It sounds good to me. Right now I have no idea what I might say but if I can think of something I think should be said I would like to be able to say it." "Then we'll leave at nine, because the hearing is at ten. It's a pre-trial hearing to hear whether it's necessary to go to trial. I think if Trudy is smart she will plead guilty, but we will have to wait to see what develops." The next morning Sonia was surprised to see that Karen was also going to testify. Dr. Tobias told her not to be nervous that he was sure everything would work out. At the hearing the prosecutor presented pictures of Sam's rear, ankles, and wrists with the marks of what had happened. Then he called Dr. Tobias who testified that Sam had withdrawn inside of himself and Sonia had emerged in his place. He stated that it wasn't uncommon for an alternate personality to emerge but it was only in extreme cases where the original personality would stay hidden inside. He said it was possible that Sam was doubtful of his masculinity before the beating and now he was refusing to come out. He told how now Sonia was there instead of Sam. Then Karen had to testify and she told the court commissioner that Sonia was all woman mentally and looked at the world as a woman. The prosecutor asked Dr. Tobias if he thought Sam/Sonia would want to testify. They asked Sonia if she wanted to say anything and she said she would like to. She took the stand. "There is just one thing I have to say, and that is, when Sam was beaten they beat the masculinity out of him. They didn't kill his body but they did kill him in a different way. I used to have fun with him but now all I do is try to comfort him." Dr. Tobias asked if he could address Sonia on the stand and the court commissioner allowed it. He had an idea where he could help Sam face the world. "Sonia, will you have Sam come out? I think I might be able to help him." The prosecutor's and the court commissioner's faces dropped when they saw a complete transformation appear before their eyes. A sad face that looked almost surreal appeared. "Sam, now is the time to tell how you feel. The people responsible for what happened to you are all here. Tell them how you feel. Can you do that for me?" "I feel so ashamed of myself that I want to die. Why can't you just leave me alone and let me stay where I was? It's the only place I feel secure and I don't want to leave it!" "Do you still love your wife?" "No, the love left during the beating, along with a lot more. Now, can I go back inside?" "Yes, let Sonia come out." "That was wrong!" Sonia said. "You hurt him some more. He never thought before about how he didn't love his wife any more, and now you added that to his grief. Now he'll never want to come out again!" Sonia started crying and was sobbing heavily as she stepped down from the witness stand. Trudy was crying as she sat in her chair. She'd never realized what she had done to him before this. The court commissioner set a trial date for about a month down the road. The hearing was over. Dr. Tobias told Sonia she did an excellent job testifying. The three of them got just outside the hearing room when Trudy came up to Sonia. She was sobbing. "I can't tell you how sorry I am. I don't know what came over me. I never meant to hurt you so. I am really, really sorry." "You didn't hurt me, you hurt Sam. You hurt him so much he doesn't feel like he is a man anymore. It's too bad you can't tell Sam that, but he's too far inside to hear you now." They walked to their car and were on their way. All of a sudden Dr. Tobias pulled into a fast food place and they went in. After getting a cup of coffee for everyone he had them sit in a booth. "Sonia, there is something I don't understand. You talk to Sam but how do you know if he's listening?" "It's something I can just tell. He always answers in that little voice at first, then he's like he wants to open up, but he always holds back. He is so unsure about himself. Yesterday I did get him to laugh a little, once, and that is the first time since all this happened that he's done that. I told him he should see himself in my nightgown." "How does he answer you?" "He answers me in my mind. In my mind I can hear him just like he is there with me in the room. The other day when they had the Brussels sprouts for lunch he told me he didn't like them. I thought they tasted pretty good myself. I sometimes wonder if he isn't going to try to play with me like I did with him when it was the other way around." "There are a lot of things we don't understand about the mind and how it works. We know it has a lot of power and we don't know everything about that power yet. You are teaching me more and more about that power. I have never seen anyone exactly like you before. There is one question I have to ask and I want you to think about it before you answer it and I want a truly honest answer. If Sam were to want his body back, would you be able to give it back to him?" "I don't have to think about that. The answer is yes. I know what it's like to live in there, and it does have real advantages. He can have it back if he wants it." Her quick response and her tone of voice told him she was telling the truth. He couldn't get it out of his head that there had to be a trigger to get Sam out to stay out. Karen asked her if there was anything she could do to help. Sonia laughed and said they could always go shopping but she had no money. Karen laughed and said spoken like a true woman. The sessions continued but Dr. Tobias made no headway with Sam. Sonia was developing her own style and becoming more and more independent. Dr. Tobias knew she was ready to be released, but held on hoping to get to Sam. Finally three weeks later he and Karen were having a session with Sonia. He sat quiet for a long time. Sonia wondered if there was something wrong. "Sonia, I have some good news for you and bad news for me. I don't want to give up just yet but it is time for you to move on with your life. Last week Trudy changed her plea to guilty and tomorrow she gets sentenced. I have submitted a letter to the judge that explains what we did and tried to do. It was one of the hardest letters I ever wrote. I hate to admit defeat. We work with a halfway house that says they have a room for you. You can stay there and they will help you get a job and get started with your life. So tomorrow after the sentencing we will stop there so you can get acquainted with the place. I know you'll be successful in whatever line of work you try. I do want to continue working with you and Sam. I'm not ready to give up yet. The next day at the sentencing hearing Sonia hoped the judge wouldn't be too hard on Trudy. First he sentenced Sandy and Tamara to six months in jail with work release privileges plus five years probation. Then he looked at Trudy. "You have in essence killed your husband. Therefore I sentence you to one year in jail with work release privileges plus seven years probation on all charges. Further I order you to pay the balance of any costs relative to your husband's past care and future care. It's my understanding that he's ready to be released from the hospital as another personality. Should that personality need any further medical treatment to make them feel more complete then it shall be your financial responsibility over what insurance provides for. You have done something reprehensible to a fellow human being and gone beyond the limits of good judgment. It is too bad that a harsher punishment can't be handed out in a case like this." Trudy addressed the court. "I am truly sorry for what I have done. I wish I had it to do over. I have to apologize to my husband, to my two best friends, and to the court for my actions. The sentence is less than I would have given myself considering the outcome. I am truly, truly sorry." Sonia didn't understand the sentence completely. On the way to the halfway house she asked what it meant. Dr. Tobias explained that if she wanted to get breast implants or a sex change Trudy would be responsible for the remainder of the cost. Sonia had never thought about any of that sort of thing. Dr. Tobias asked her to make sure to see him before going ahead and doing anything like that. She promised she would. At the halfway house she was introduced to the director. The director told her she was sure they could find her a job and get her started on the road to freedom. She felt comfortable there and looked forward to getting out on her own. Dr. Tobias said she would be out on her own that afternoon. When they got back to the hospital there was a message for Dr. Tobias about Sonia. Trudy had called and said that as long as she wasn't going to be using the house Sonia or Sam could live there so it was taken care of. Dr. Tobias told Sonia about that but suggested she live at the halfway house for at least two weeks to a month before striking out completely on her own. She agreed to his suggestion. They set up every Tuesday at two for their appointments to meet for follow-up. Dr. Tobias wished her good luck and she gave him a hug before leaving. Then she went to look for Karen. They agreed to meet to at least go shopping together and Karen gave her a card with her phone numbers on it and told her to call anytime day or night. They got her things to the halfway house and she got settled in. Mrs. Thomack the house director showed her where the dining room was. She told her everyone ate together that it gave everyone a chance to get support for whatever problem they had. At supper she sat at a table with three other women. All of them had suffered abuse from their husbands. She didn't connect with them at all. After supper one woman asked her if she was new here and she told her she was. They got talking and she said she had to escape an abusive situation and was just getting ready to go on her own. She invited Sonia to her room to visit. In her room she asked Sonia about her story. Sonia told her it was quite involved and she didn't know if she was ready to share it or not. The woman told Sonia her name was Mary and that she had been beaten up by her husband and ended up in the hospital for two days. She said she was getting a divorce, as this wasn't the first time he had beaten her up. She pressed Sonia, telling her that she had to talk about what had happened to move on with her life. Finally Sonia was ready to tell her a little. "I wasn't beaten up by my husband. I was in Baker Hospital under Dr. Tobias. He is a psychologist and is treating me. I was the husband and was beaten by my wife. My name was Sam and now it is Sonia. As Sonia I lived inside Sam until the beating, then I came out and Sam went inside. He doesn't want to come out. His wife was just sentenced to jail for the beating." "I heard about that on the news! They said two other women were also sentenced. Was that you that was beaten?" "Yes, Dr. Tobias is trying to get Sam to come back out and take over his body, but he is being stubborn and won't work with the doctor. As a person I'm ready for life and am looking forward to getting a job." "Good for you! If you ever need anything I can help with just let me know. You make my troubles look small in comparison to yours." "Mine aren't so bad. My body is healed and my mind is going to take a long time to heal as far as Sam is concerned. I just wish he would let the doctor try to work out his problems, but he can be so stubborn sometimes. He never was very masculine but he was a very nice man, a very gentle man." "You are unlike anyone I have ever met before. I would never have guessed what or who you are. I don't care; it doesn't make any difference to me what you were before, just who you are now. I would like to think of you as a friend. There is always an empty chair at our table for meals, so why don't you join us." "I would like that! I'm not sure where I'll end up but I'm prepared for anything. I have to go now, but I will see you tomorrow." Sonia went back to her room and settled in for the night. She felt pretty good about the day's events. She couldn't get Sam to answer her even though she tried everything she knew. He must be buried deeper than she could reach, she thought. She wanted to tell him all about Mary and see what he said about her. Two days later Mrs. Thomack told her they thought they may have found her a job as a receptionist for a Dr. Berry. She took Sonia over to his office and after he interviewed her he told her the job was hers if she wanted it. His receptionist was going on maternity leave at the end of the week and had told him she doubted if she was going to come back. He told her it was just yesterday that she told him that. He said there were two days left this week for her to learn the ropes, and he hoped she would be able to learn them in that time. When she said she would have to be off every Tuesday from one thirty to about three thirty to see Dr. Tobias the doctor said that would not be a problem. He introduced her to his nurse and his physician's assistant. They both seemed very nice to her. She told him she would start right away and he was glad to hear that. The receptionist, Cathy, showed her the basic ropes, and she picked up on them fast. Cathy told her there was not a lot to it but you had to make sure you allowed enough time for appointments, as some were twenty minute ones, some were half hour ones, and some went up to one hour. Cathy showed her a sheet with some of the procedures and told her how long to make the appointment for each. Cathy made sure to tell her Dr. Berry was always very kind even if she made an error in appointment time allotments. The next morning she was there at quarter to eight for the eight o'clock start. Cathy arrived less than five minutes later and showed her where the coffee making things were. Then it was printing out a copy of the day's appointments for the doctor. They accomplished the quick chores of the job just as the first call for an appointment came in. Cathy brought up the appointment screen on her computer and entered it, making sure she had the name spelled right. The day went fast for Sonia and she was sure she would be able to handle it. At the end of the day Cathy told her that tomorrow she would do everything and Cathy would act as her guardian angel. Sonia was excited and looked forward to it. The next day she was passing with flying colors when right after lunch Dr. Berry told her he wanted to see her in an examination room. She was sure he was going to let her go. She went with trepidation into the exam room. She was relieved when Dr. Berry spoke saying, "I talked to Dr. Tobias. He is a mind doctor and I am a body doctor. We both agree that you need a complete physical. Now, get this gown on after you've unrobed, and sit on the exam table." She disrobed and put the gown on, and the doctor started his exam. Most questions she didn't know the answers to, but she managed to answer some of them. After over a little more than an hour he told her she could get dressed and he would like to see her in his office. She got dressed and went to his office. She saw he was busy writing, so she sat quietly as he wrote. When he finished he looked at her for a couple of minutes, then started. "Physically you are in pretty good shape. However, I think you could benefit from some estrogen therapy. That will help you develop a womanly body and will enhance your mental outlook, make it more feminine. Also, if you want to get rid of those breast forms I have an agreement with a leading surgeon who can insert implants. Then you will feel naturally what your breasts should feel. After a year you can go the whole route and get a sex change operation to make you a complete woman. How does getting the implants sound to you?" "I have to talk to Dr. Tobias and Dr. Karen about it and see what they think. I will try to talk to Sam if I can get him to answer. Sam is the first one I need to hear from, then what the two doctors have to say about it." "Cathy told me a little while ago that you are doing great on the job. I am glad because she says you are one of a kind. She never saw anyone pick up the computer program as fast as you did. I am very happy to have you working for me. Have a great week-end!" Sonia went back to work and Cathy told her about her pregnancy and how she could feel the baby kicking from time to time. They both laughed when she said the baby liked to kick the hardest at two o'clock in the morning. Just before quitting time Sonia got a call from the Baker Hospital telling her that Dr. Tobias wanted to see her right away. She hurried to see what Dr. Tobias wanted and was surprised when he told her Sam's back paychecks had arrived. He told her that they would get them cashed for her. He asked about her job and she told him she loved it. Then she asked him about what he thought if she got implants. He asked if he could talk to Sam and she said Sam was deep, deep inside and not answering. He told her he could see no reason why she shouldn't get them then. Sonia asked if Dr. Reed was there and was told Dr. Reed has gone out of town for ten days. Sonia wanted to see if Dr. Reed wanted to go shopping again. When a woman brought the cash she was amazed at how much she had. Dr. Tobias told her that there were three more weeks of sick pay, and then it would stop. He said then they would have to inform the veneer company that Sam was terminating his employment with them. He said he would inform them that Sam had to terminate for medical reasons. Sonia arrived back at the halfway house at supper time, and sat with Mary and two other women. After supper she asked Mary if she wanted to come to her room, and Mary agreed. In the room, Sonia told Mary about how great the job was. Mary was happy for her. Then she asked Mary if she wanted to go shopping with her tomorrow. Mary said she didn't have a lot of money but would be happy to go with her. The next day they had a blast, shopping and laughing together. At one store Mary looked longingly at a very pretty dress. Sonia put it in her basket with the dresses she was going to get. Then Sonia bought some outrageously sinful nightgowns to wear. As they were eating lunch in the food court Sonia gave Mary the dress she'd looked at so close. Mary got tears in her eyes and said she shouldn't have done that. Sonia said it was Sam's money, so he must have bought it for her. They spent most of the afternoon looking, not buying. Sonia saw some bracelets that caught her eye and bought them. Then she saw some rings and bought three that she put on her fingers right away. As she was putting them on she noticed her wedding ring. She slipped it off and put it in her purse. On Sunday Sonia went to the house. She knew they always kept a house key in a hollow rock next to the front sidewalk. She went in and looked around. The bedroom was the only room she recognized. She looked in the refrigerator and saw there was some food that had to be thrown out. She thought about the fact that she knew very little about cooking, but looking in the cupboards, she saw some cookbooks. She sat down on the sofa and felt Sam's presence. She started to talk to him. He finally answered her. She asked him what he thought about her getting breast implants. He laughed and asked her why she didn't like the breast forms. She thought he was in a pretty good mood, and told him about her job and how much she enjoyed it. She asked him if he was ready to come out, and he said he wasn't. She asked him why he wouldn't talk to Dr. Tobias, and he told her he was afraid Dr. Tobias would force him to come back and stay. He said he didn't want to come back. While she was talking to him, she felt him leave. She wondered if it was something she'd said, then decided it wasn't. On Monday she told the doctor the implants sounded like the way to go. He said he would get back to her about when it could be done. She was breezing along when the doctor came out and told her she had an appointment for Wednesday afternoon at two with Dr. Sportier, whose office was a block away. He also told her the surgery would be Thursday, and she would get out of the hospital probably Saturday. She was surprised at how fast everything was going, but happy that it was going to be over with soon. Wednesday Dr. Sportier had her select the form she wanted and the size. She picked a medium sized one that would look natural. He told her it would be almost painless and that she needed a good strong bra to hold them in place once the bandages were off. He suggested she visit a medical supply store to get a post-surgical bra. Thursday she was at the hospital at seven and they prepared her for surgery. The nurse removed her breast forms and told her she wouldn't need them any more but they would be sent home with her. The doctor stopped for a minute and asked her if she really wanted to go through with it, and she told him she did. The surgery went beautifully, and she was in her room sleeping it off. When she awoke, at first things looked a little blurry. Then she saw someone sitting in a chair. It was Mary. Mary was smiling at her. She glanced down at her chest. It seemed so huge with all the bandages on it. She became fully awake. Mary said "Hello sleepy head," and she laughed. She saw Mary was wearing the dress she had bought for her and told her the dress looked wonderful on her. "I figured I would wear it for a special occasion and this is the first special occasion I came up with. How do you feel?" "I feel wonderful, but my chest hurts a little. It's a tight kind of feeling." "It's no wonder you feel that way. They had to stretch some of your muscles to get the implants in and the muscles have to get used to it. "I have a favor to ask of you. You can use my car, and I'll give you the key to my house, if you can move my things to my house and put them in my closet at home. Also, could you pick me up on Saturday to take me home?" "That would be no problem at all. I would be glad to do that. It will give me something to do rather than sit in my room thinking about what has happened to me." The nurse came in and wanted to get Sonia up for a little walk, so Mary left. Sonia at first felt a little shaky, but the further she walked the better she felt. She was ready for another nap when she got back into her room. The next morning the doctor came in and checked her stitches and proclaimed that she was doing nicely. She thanked him for everything he'd done. He told her the first week was the most important time, because that first week decided how the breasts would heal and what shape they would be. Saturday Mary was there early and listened as the nurse gave her the discharge instructions and prescriptions for the antibiotics and pain medication. Sonia gave the nurse a hug before leaving. When she arrived at home she was surprised to see a "welcome home" sign on the door. Mary said she couldn't resist putting it up. Mary made her some lunch and they had a great talk. Sonia told her that the bra seemed so tight, but that the doctor told her it had to be that tight. They laughed when Sonia told her that the cups were actually hard cones and that she would have perfect cone shaped breasts in a week. After lunch Sonia wanted to do something, and suggested they go shopping for a little bit. They went to a department store and a pair of earrings caught her eye. Then she saw a pretty jewelry box. She bought both and asked the clerk to put the earrings in the jewelry box. Then she handed the bag with the items in it to Mary, telling her she didn't have time to wrap it but it was for her. They got a soda at the counter and sat down. Mary took the jewelry box out and opened it. She got tears in her eyes when she saw the earrings. She told Sonia they were beautiful and that she shouldn't have gotten them for her. Sonia told her that she really appreciated that they were such good friends and could talk to each other so openly and honestly about anything. They got back home and Sonia asked her if she wanted to spend the night. Mary agreed and they talked about what their dreams were and how lucky they were to have each other. At bedtime Sonia gave her one of her nightgowns to wear. Mary said she felt so sexy in it and they both laughed. The Mary got serious and told her she always wore cotton nightgowns and this was the first time she had worn silk. Monday Dr. Berry asked her if she was really ready to return to work and she said she was. When he complimented her on how she looked she said it was all her now. She felt good to be back at work. Her sessions with Dr. Tobias were continuing but it was getting harder and harder to get Sam to come out. When he was out he spoke very little. He did say he didn't mind that Sonia had gotten the implants. After Sonia had been working there for six months Dr. Berry gave her a six month physical. He proclaimed her to be in excellent health. Then he asked her if she was going to go all the way into becoming a complete woman. She said she might just do it. He said they could get started anytime so she could have the operation as soon as possible after her year was up. He explained the hazards and good things about the operation. She wasn't sure about the long recovery time involved. The doctor told her good things don't come fast. She told him she would get the operation. He said he would set up the first appointment for her with Dr. Sportier. She was surprised to hear that he would be the one doing the surgery. Dr. Berry told her he was one of the best at it. At her next visit to Dr. Tobias she told him about the possibility she would be having the surgery. It took them over a half hour to get Sam to come out. When he was out Dr. Tobias talked to him. "Do you know Sonia is going to become a complete woman? She is going to get the operation to remove the penis and have a vagina put in. How do you feel about that?" "That is her business, not mine. She is doing so well. Actually she is doing better at handling things than I ever did. She goes out with her friends and has a good time. She is livelier than I ever was." "Then you don't have any objection to it? This is your body you are talking about. Do you really want to let her go through with it?" "I don't care what she does with my body. Sometimes I come up close enough to listen to her and in an odd way it makes me feel like I am doing what she is doing and I get a good feeling for just a little while. I am happy where I am and that is where I want to stay." "Can you tell me about where you stay?" Dr. Tobias could see he was leaving and saw Sonia emerge. He knew he had lost Sam. He felt like a good friend had died. "Sonia, I just had a talk with Sam. It appears he is giving his blessing to your possible operation. I finally have to admit there is no way I am going to get him to take his body back. He says he is happy where he is but he did say he comes out far enough sometimes to see what you are doing. Can you tell when he does that?" "Oh, yes, definitely. He likes to come out when I am having a good time. He doesn't say anything but I can feel him there. I can't talk to him then but he knows I know he's there. Usually later I try to call him out but he won't come out. He can be very stubborn that way." When she went to see Dr. Sportier he had already gotten a report from Dr. Tobias and had talked to Dr. Berry about her. He said there appeared to be no problem when the time was right for her to have the surgery. She was extremely happy that everything was going so great. Two weeks later she was workin