A New Style Of Education - Part 23 free porn video

A New Style of Education by Karen Page Part 23 Since we both slept with our PDA's beside us, I jumped on my bed and dialled my darlings PDA. "Are you okay?" I asked. What a stupid question, of course things weren't okay, but I couldn't think of anything better to ask. Helen had gained a little control and was trying to talk like Christopher. "I heard you crying and it set me off. I feel so guilty." "Why?" I asked puzzled "Because you made me so happy and now we are apart." "I did what I did to you because I wanted to. I'm glad you enjoyed it." "Even though we are in trouble?" "Look, stop worrying about it. Yes, I'm lonely and I'm missing you, but at the end of the day it is only two nights. I will see you in the morning for breakfast. Now remember what Jill said to me earlier, the sooner we go to sleep the sooner we see each other." "Can we talk a bit longer? I miss my family so much and being with you keeps me happy." "I've known you for years, but I still don't know much about your family. Why don't you tell me about them?" I placed the phone on the pillow next to me, laid down and we talked about our childhoods and families. Eventually exhaustion overtook me and I drifted off to sleep. I awoke to the alarm and found the PDA was still connected. "Are you awake?" I gently asked. "Only just," came the sweet and gentle reply of Helen. "Voice," I reminded. "Oops, is that better?" Christopher queried slipping back into the slightly more masculine sound. It was far from perfect, but there was a distinction. "Yes, sorry I fell asleep last night." "I was about to say the same. I don't remember you nodding off." "Nor me you. How much sleep do you think we got?" "I'm not sure, but I'm sure it wasn't enough, especially after us having little the night before." "Let's go for a quick bike ride before breakfast as planned." "Okay, but let's take it easy, as we'll tire easily." As I walked out of the bedroom door, Christopher was coming out of his. I turned off my phone link as we would again be together till our last night of forced separation. The phone instantly beeped showing I'd two missed calls, both were from Rachel; Christopher had the same. Since no messages were left we ignored them and had a gentle ride. Over the last few weeks my stamina had increased and I wasn't so tired at the end. At breakfast Dan saw our faces and asked, "A bad night?" At first I thought he was being facetious, but when I looked up through my tired eyes, I saw his concern was genuine. "It was probably one of the worst nights I've ever had," I replied. "Me too," replied Christopher sadly. "I don't think it would have been so bad if David had been away, but knowing he was only in the next room just made it unbearable." "I'll make sure that Rachel is aware, but don't expect your separation tonight to change." Lessons during the day were difficult as I wasn't as alert as I normally was, so I set my PDA to record the teacher and would review at a later stage. 'I really do need to get a good night sleep tonight,' I thought to myself. At eleven we went to see Rachel and it is an experience I'd sooner forget. Things started well then got a bit tortuous but I feel so embarrassed at how they ended. "I take it that you didn't sleep well last night?" opened Rachel when we'd taken our positions on the settee. "It was very hard," Christopher confirmed. "Knowing the person you love is just next door didn't help at all. I heard David crying and it started me off." "It is a punishment to remind you both that sharing your bed is not an invitation to get up to inappropriate behaviour. You are both still under the age of sixteen and the school can't condone sex. However, we are also aware that it was too difficult, so I have spoken with Jill and Anna. Tonight Christopher will sleep in a sleeping bag in Anna's room and David; you will sleep in a sleeping bag in Jill's room." "That is very kind," I said. "However, we came up with our own solution which seemed to help." "Which was?" "I rang Christopher and we kept the call connected. It didn't cost the school anything as it is all over the local network, but it meant we could be together emotionally even if it couldn't be physically." "That is certainly the first time I've known somebody do that at this school," smiled Rachel. "Is that why I couldn't get hold of either of you?" "Probably, though I thought that you have an override to interrupt any calls?" "Like all of the psychiatrists here, I do have that ability, but it is something we only use in a dire emergency." "How did you know that we were okay, and that we weren't going to kill ourselves?" "Firstly you might have been upset, but neither of you seemed suicidal. Also your emotional levels were being monitored electronically and would have awoken me if things were even approaching that kind of level." I thought about making a fuss about privacy, but I was too tired. Anyway it would have been a lie as I agreed that in situations which might be stressful things like that should happen. "We aren't monitored all the time, are we?" "Of course not. It only happens when we worry about suicide. We didn't think you would, but we needed to see how you reacted. I'd rather be safe than sorry. You will probably be monitored tonight and then it will be turned off. I'm only monitoring your emotions. I don't have the ability to see or hear into your room. So will you both be okay in your own rooms tonight with the ability to stay in contact with each other?" "I will," I replied. "What about you darling?" "I'd prefer to sleep in my own bed," said Christopher, smiling when I called her darling. "Now Christopher, how do you like living as a male?" "It's okay I suppose. There are some good things, but I would hate to live like it all the time." "What do you like about being Christopher over Helen?" "I don't really know," he blurted out quickly. "Well, have a think," prompted Rachel not accepting any unconsidered answer. "Take as much time as you need." " I suppose I don't have to worry about acting feminine all the time. I can be a bit rougher and show frustration more. It seems more the expected thing to protect others." "Like Jayne?" "I suppose." "But apart from mix-up-Monday you've never been Christopher when I've been Jayne," I added and got a glare from Rachel. "Do you always think of me as Jayne?" I asked ignoring Rachel's looks. "Not really." "You do, don't you?" I pressed. "David, that's enough," said Rachel firmly. "Yes," he said starting to get upset. Christopher jumped up, letting go of me and dashed towards the door taking me totally by surprise. When he grabbed hold of the handle, to fling the door open, he found it locked. "What? Am I a prisoner now?" he asked angrily, his fists clenched as if he'd hit the first person to go near him. "No," calmly said Rachel, still in her chair. "I won't let you go out that upset. You can either sit down and talk about it, or stay there and once you're calm I'll unlock the door." "We've not really started boy lessons yet," I said thinking quickly as I rose from the settee. "You said before that I used to act more like a girl than a boy, so it is perfectly understandable that you think that. You might think differently when I've had the lessons." Christopher just stood there looking at me, but he had loosened his fists a bit. "The only difference between Jayne and David and the moment is clothes," I reassured approaching him. "I'm not upset with you and I think it is nice that you want to protect me." "You do?" I was now right in front of him. "Yes, I love you." At that point Christopher crumbled and I had to virtually drag him back to the settee. I might have been biologically male, but I certainly wasn't the strongest person in the world. When we made it to the settee we were both in each other's arms, each protecting the other from the torture of truth. "Christopher, if David can be feminine and not worry about it, why can't Helen be more masculine?" continued Rachel as if the raucous of the last few minutes hadn't happened. "Because it would seem odd." "Why?" "It isn't the done thing, for a girl to protect a boy." "Leaving to one side that you think of David as female, which would be a girl protecting a girl, why is it wrong for a girl to protect a boy." "Because it isn't ladylike," explained Christopher, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Ladylike?" "My mum used to say that climbing trees, stomping around and protecting others weren't very ladylike things. She said that I wouldn't be a very nice person if I wasn't ladylike and nobody would love me." "Do I love you any less when you are like that?" I asked. "Suppose not." "Then why shut that out from Helen? I love it when you protect me, it make me feel all warm and wanted." "Your boy lessons start next Monday, so I want the following to occur till then. Tomorrow and Wednesday I want to see Helen back, but with Christopher's attitude-" "I can't," interrupted Christopher. "It wouldn't be right." "Why not?" "Because it would go against what my mum taught me." "This school is about YOU finding out what YOU want and what makes YOU happy. This school is about discovery. Did your mum want you to be unhappy in life?" "No." "Did she encourage you to be your own person?" "Yes." "Then be your own person. Nobody in this school is going to mind how you act as long as it isn't dangerous to yourself or others. If you don't like it after two days then you don't have to do it again. Now, on Thursday and Friday, I'd like Christopher to be back and Jayne around. Saturday and Sunday you can be who you want to be. Is that acceptable to yourselves?" I nodded and Christopher said, "I'll try." "That's all I can ask," said Rachel. "If either of you have trouble with it then my door is always open." "Yes miss." "Now, we come on to the matter of David's issue, but before we start I need a short toilet break. You know where they are if you need them and I'll see you when we're all back." "I don't need the toilet, do you?" I asked Christopher. "No, so let's just stay here." I leaned my head against the back of the settee and sleep overtook me. As I opened my eyes, I saw Rachel sitting at her desk tapping away on her computer. I looked across and saw Christopher asleep next to me. I nudged him awake, which he did with a grunt. "Wake up," I hissed. "Rachel's back." "Ah, I see you're awake," Rachel grinned. "Sorry, we must have closed our eyes for a few moments," I said as Rachel came across. "A few hours is more like it. It's approaching three o'clock." Christopher and I looked at each other in horror, wondering what unique punishment we'd get for falling asleep on our psychiatrists couch. "We were asleep for nearly three and a half hours?" I spluttered. "You were both exhausted, so I'm not surprised. I'll hold off discussions about your issue David. I don't think that you'll attempt having intercourse, so it shouldn't be an immediate problem." "Thank you," I said feeling a bit better. "The interconnecting door will be unsealed during breakfast tomorrow morning. I'll see you at eleven on Friday to see how things are going. If you have any issues before our meeting I expect to see you straight away. Now run along and enjoy the rest of the day." "Yes Rachel," we said with enthusiasm as we rushed out, leaving a smiling Rachel behind. * * * "Jayne," said Rachel at our Friday meeting. "How did you find Christopher while she was Helen for two days?" "Rachel," I whined. "This isn't fair." "Life isn't always fair." I sighed and looked at Christopher. "Just tell the truth," he said. "If I don't know then I can't learn." "On Tuesday, Helen seemed to struggle a bit. She overcompensated at times and suppressed her emotions at others. She seemed to gradually get into the swing of things and by Wednesday she was the Helen I knew, but without seeming to suppress her emotions." "And you Christopher? Did you enjoy back being Helen again?" "I didn't at first as it all seemed wrong. David and a few others pointed out things and I thought I was being got at. When I realised they were just trying to help it became easier. On Wednesday I was enjoying myself." "What about when you were back as Christopher?" "There didn't seem to be much difference in my base behaviour. Some of the ways I present myself are different I suppose." "You still have a lot to learn in being Christopher and sometimes you appear very much as a girl trying to be a boy, but that is what we hope to change starting next week." "Do you think I'll make it?" "Jessica managed to learn how to present herself as a girl, didn't she? Think how she acted the day after her suicide attempt and how she is now." "She was like a boy in a dress at first, but now you can't really tell that she was born male." "That's what you'll learn, but in reverse; if that's what you want." "I think so, but more for other activities than for actual living." "As long as you are happy with yourself it doesn't matter how you are to me," I said giving Christopher a hug. "What about you Jayne? How do you feel back as a girl?" "I feel fine. No real difference really, apart from it taking longer to get dressed." "Apart from taking longer to dress, which do you feel happier being? David or Jayne?" "I don't feel much difference between them. I seem to fit in better as Jayne, but it doesn't feel right." "In what way?" "I'm not sure. I was born male and would like to be one so I can provide children for Helen." "Jayne, you haven't been thinking about yourself and what YOU want, have you?" "How do you mean?" "You have lived as Jayne for a while when you were in France and now over the last two days. You haven't taken that chance to look at yourself as Jayne. You have just thought of it as clothing and not looked at the inner you. "I have." "Really? You've tried to look at your feeling and looked to see if you could live as a girl fulltime?" "Well not probably like that." "I am going to arrange something, but it will take some time. In the meantime I'm authorising you both to have lessons to help you pass as male, starting Monday. In the meantime I'd like you to think about it." "What will we be doing in these lessons?" asked Christopher. "You will be dressed as a male for the length of the course. You will be excused from any mix-up Mondays. You'll have voice coaching, deportment lessons and behavioural lessons. This won't change the base you but give you what you need to appear male." "Is there any news about what happened with Jessica's parents turning up in Paris?" "I'm not sure, but it would be a good idea if you got an update from Mr Hobson. He is free at the moment so run on down to his office before lunch." It was the first time that Christopher had been to Mr Hobson's office and it was only my second. His office was larger than any of the other offices I'd been in, but all that extra room was taken up by extra seats. "Why don't we all sit over here?" said Mr Hobson pointing to a rather cosy area of a two seated and a single seated settee. "This is the first time that I've been able to talk to you both in private. How are you settling into the school?" "I'm settled in fine," I answered, rather surprised that our recent punishment wasn't raised. "It's certainly different from what I expected," answered Christopher, "but I'm finding the lessons stretching which is certainly better than my old school." "According to Mr Yates you are doing very well in the shooting and archery. Would you be willing to start learning how to safely handle handguns while others catch up?" I looked at Christopher who was glancing at me. We both shrugged our shoulders at each other. "That's fine" "Great," he said. For the first time I'd noticed that he didn't have a PDA with him and wasn't making notes. I wonder if he has a good memory or the entire conversation was recorded. "In about three months, we will have students arriving from a sister school. One of the students there is highly competent in bypassing security systems. At first they thought that she was just good at breaking into computer systems, but soon found she had access to other restricted areas. Over the next few weeks I'd like to ensure that our private systems are secure and internal tracking and access systems more tamperproof. Jayne, I'd like you to assist Ms Toms, who should be back next week. Christopher, you should assist Mr Small. Now I'm aware that next week you start your male training and that will take place in the mornings. School lessons for year one will be cancelled during those weeks so you won't fall behind. They will be doing other things, such as interpersonal skills, which you two don't seem to need as much as they do. During the afternoon there will be first-aid lessons for forty minutes and the rest of the time you can help with security checks." "Yes Sir," Christopher and I said simultaneously. "One last thing, the search for the person who revealed information to Wendy and Jessica's parents. The search has been conducted by three different people, using three different techniques and the culprit has yet to be found. I doubt the person or persons will be found until they do it again." "What about why it occurred?" "I have a feeling I know why, but if I'm correct that has even bigger implications than I'd care to think about. We shall see as things unfold, which I've no doubt they will, over the coming months. Do either of you have any questions?" I thought about it and there was something I wanted to ask, but I decided that it might be best not to. "Jayne, this is an open session. I'm glad you've learnt to be discreet in asking too much, but in these sessions I insist you be open. I can always refuse to answer." "Is the school the same one you asked me to link to on the way back from France? Marshallville I think it was called." "It is the same school, but Marshallville is where it used to be. Even though the school has moved, the interlink description has never been updated. I think you'll enjoy meeting your counterparts there and will learn a lot. I don't want to say anymore now, but I'll be giving everyone some details just before they get here." * * * "I'm going to need your help," said Lewis in the common room Sunday evening. We'd just eaten after orchestra practice and were lounging around discussing little of consequence. "Oh?" "In the concert I'm going to conduct Beethoven's ninth and I need your help." "How?" asked Christopher. "None of us can conduct." "No," laughed Lewis. "I need more practice at conducting and wonder if we could practice most evenings? There is only so much I can learn by watching and conducting a recording." "They have you conducting the whole symphony?" asked Jill incredulously. "They said it would be a challenge, but that I should be able to succeed." "Well it certainly will be a challenge. It is over an hour long and without the practice it will be very hard." "I'm in," said Christopher. "It'll be good practice for me." The others were soon joining saying they wanted to help. We had both oboes, a bassoon, flute, two violins, viola, cello and me on the horn, so we had a good cross section of the orchestra. The double basses played quite a significant part, as did the timpani. The only issue was that most were playing second desk so might not carry the theme as much. "What about the Karl Jenkins piece, will you be conducting that?" Emma asked. "No, apparently someone from the visiting school will be doing that." "Well that I suppose is something of a relief." "I suppose there's no time like now," I said before the conversation moved onto something else. "Let's move the settee's and do it now and every evening at about eight." "I'll get some music stands while you get your instruments," suggested Lewis. "I'll grab your oboe if you help Lewis get some stands," Anna offered to Jill. Very quickly we were all setup and music started to swell from our instruments. We'd decided to follow a suggestion Paula made of concentrating on just one movement a night. Lewis didn't do a bad job for a beginner but he was far from ready. A conductor doesn't just stand at the front of the orchestra and wave his hands, he is the person who keeps the whole orchestra together, sets their tone and volume with subtle differences in movements. During a concert the orchestra should know what's expected, but during rehearsals it is the conductor's job to interpret the music and train the orchestra to play the music according to his wishes. With a lot of practice Lewis had been able to fake being a conductor for the 1812 overture, but this symphony was much more demanding. Over the following weeks Lewis got better and more confidant. He started not just waving his arms to what was expected, but started to impart his own thoughts and personality into our little rehearsals, though he was reluctant to impress them onto the full orchestra and relayed them to Mrs Russell. As Lewis's confidence grew, so did the extension for the visitors. For the last three weeks, Christopher and I had gone through the lessons on how to pass as males. It had taught us what we needed to know in more ways than we intended and it was a subject that as soon as the course finished I avoided. Well I'd managed to avoid till today when the topic reared its head during one of the regular discussion I'd been having with Rachel. "What was the thing you most enjoyed about your three week maleness course?" I was sat on the settee with Helen's comforting arms keeping the worst of the terror away. Even so, this wasn't one of the nicest questions to be asked. Helen had been reminded that unless she was asked a question she shouldn't interrupt or we might not be allowed to have sessions with the other present. "Probably Fran and Ingrid affirmation ceremony. The way they broke with school tradition and had it outside on the back lawn was just something they would do." "A very nice memory indeed," agreed Rachel showing no sign of surprise or upset at what I'd said. "So tell me what you remember about that day." I leaned back into Helen as I pictured the special day, though I quickly changed my position after getting an 'oomph' when I'd leaned against her left breast. "That morning at breakfast each couple drew a ball out a large tub. The balls were either marked L or R and would denote which side of the aisle we sat on. Helen drew for us and we sat on the right. At about quarter to eleven everyone was dressed in clothes that were just like I remembered from my cousins wedding a few years ago and we made our way out to where the ceremony was to be. The chairs were set out with five rows of eight chairs, four at each side all decorated with yellow balloons and flowers. At eleven the teachers, who seemed to be wearing some type of uniform, formed and honour guard at the rear of the aisle and created a roof with very long shiny swords. After Fran and Ingrid had passed through into the main aisle they sheathed their swords and took up positions surrounding us, facing outwards with their hand always on the sword. It was like they were protecting the ceremony from being stormed." "I'm impressed that you remember so much detail," interrupted Rachel. Helen glared at Rachel who said, "Sorry, please continue." "I'd been expecting Fran and Ingrid to be both in white, but they weren't. They were wearing silk lemon dresses with a blue sash. It was so simple, but so elegant. Then the words they said and the commitments they made were so touching and full of deep felt love. I didn't think such depth of feeling could ever exist." "Okay, I want you to close your eyes and remember the scene. Can you remember the warmth of the sun beating down?" asked Rachel in a gentle voice. "Oh yes, it was very warm." "Excellent. What about smell, can you remember anything about that?" "There was the smell of the flowers on the chairs, but more the flowers in bloom all around us." "How do you feel seeing the ceremony?" "It's such a wonderful thing to watch. So full of love, not just from Fran and Ingrid, but the love of all the students and teachers just made it one of the happiest days." "Picture yourself standing there, singing one of the hymns. Describe what you are wearing." I paused at this stage and trembled slightly as I replied, "I am standing wearing a grey morning suit. The jacket is full length with tails. In my left hand is a matching top hat." "Continue that image, but now look to your side, who is next to you?" "Christopher," I replied with a smile. The trembling had gone and I smiled slightly. "What's he wearing?" "He's wearing an outfit very similar to mine but slightly darker." "How does Christopher look?" "Handsome." "Does he look like a girl in boy clothes?" "No, he doesn't. I wouldn't be able to tell if I didn't know." "How do you feel about Christopher?" "I love him to bits." "Look at yourself again and remember how you felt when you got dressed for that day. How did you feel?" "I don't know," I answered in a week voice. "Relax and try to remember that day. Remember the happiness of the event and the smell of the flowers." "I dressed that way because it was expected. I didn't like the feel of the suit," I said fighting out the words. The trembles were back and the only think that stopped it being worse was Helen gently stroking my arms. "Was it uncomfortable? Didn't it fit right?" continued Rachel, ignoring my plight. "It fitted perfectly, but it just felt wrong. I don't understand it." "Don't fight yourself. Look at your feelings. If you don't understand then say how you feel." "I'm trying. It was like there was something wrong with what I was wearing but I don't know what." "Okay," reassured Rachel. "Now look to the other side of the aisle. Who was at the same level as you on the outside?" "That was Anna." "You do have a good memory. Now can you remember what she was wearing?" "She had on a green outfit that looked almost Chinese. At first I thought it was a dress but it was a long skirt and top. She'd done her hair to match the style of outfit and was wearing a small bit of makeup." "Was she? I didn't remember seeing any on her." "She just had a bit around her eyes, enhancing them slightly." "You are certainly more observant than me," admitted Rachel. "So, imagine you are wearing that outfit to the wedding instead of the morning suit. How would you feel then?" "It would just be clothes," I replied. "Mmm," murmured Rachel as she jotted notes down. "Before you started the course you wanted to learn to be more masculine. You have picked up the knowledge but you hardly seem to use it. Why is that?" "It didn't seem to be me. I was glad I did the course, but when I looked in the mirror I saw someone else. Does that make sense?" "You have to be happy with yourself. I'm glad that you have started to examine who you are but I still think you block part of yourself out. But that part is for you to find when you are ready. I am not here to tell you what to do, just here to help you over the emotional hurdles. No Helen, how did you find the course?" "It was interesting, but it isn't something I'd like to be everyday. I did it for two reasons. One to give support to David while he did it and secondly I thought it might help with certain extracurricular activities." "You seem to have stopped blocking out your physical emotions when you are Helen. How are you finding that?" "I'm a lot happier now. You were right, at this school I can be anything I want."