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Shawn's Addiction by Starhawk Chapter 1 I awoke to the realization that I was not alone in my bed. My eyes looked down to his thickly muscled arm, which was wrapped around my chest and cupped my left breast with his right hand. I cannot say that the sensation was unpleasant. Quite the contrary, it was not only pleasant, but also, somehow, familiar. Then I remembered, and that memory brought a smile to my face, for that hand belonged to the love of my life . . . Kevin. I reached up with my own hands, took hold of Kevin's hand, and kissed it. How far had I come since my life turned down this road some 9 years ago? I remembered back to the day I first found out I was going to have enlarged breasts and how incredible it all seemed. So many emotions flooded through my 16-year-old mind at the time. Thoughts that ranged from getting them removed to running away and hiding for the rest of my life. I was thankful now that I hadn't taken either of those suggestions because that was only running away from the problem. Granted the solution couldn't be applied right away, according to my doctor, because he said it would be best to wait until they reached their full maturity. That way when the surgery to remove them was done they would be gone, for good. Looking back on that period I realize that it had given me time to get used to them, to become attached to them (no pun intended), not only physically, but emotionally as well. That time also gave me some experiences that I will never forget as long as I live. Here is some of what happened. Chapter 2 I was a normal 16-year-old boy. Normal, that is until you looked at my face. Sure my 5'8", 135-pound body was strong in a wiry sort of way, as one would expect of a long distance runner, which I was, by the way. However, my face looked so feminine that I got a ton of ribbing from my classmates. The names they called me weren't horrible or anything, but they were enough to drive me nuts once in a while. The only thing that saved me from more extreme forms of embarrassment was my running. I excelled in soccer where I played midfielder. My coach said it seemed like I could run forever. Not that I really could, but I did love it. Especially the feeling I got when I broke through 'the wall' and began to 'float'. It was a rush better than any man-made drug, in my opinion. I also loved to swim. There was something so tranquil about stroking through the water that helped me maintain my sanity during those troubling times. My female classmates told me that my deep blue eyes were 'just dreamy.' As for my strawberry blond hair, I kept it very short to help me appear more masculine, as much as possible anyway. My lips were full and kissable according to past girlfriends, though our relationships never lasted longer than two or three months. I sometimes wondered if they felt odd going out with a guy who looked prettier than they did. It wasn't like I was trying to look better than them. I was just born this way and was doing the best I could to live with it. Fortunately, I had several good friends who stood by me through the thick and thin of it all. If they hadn't been there for me I would have been banging my head against the wall of some padded cell long ago. I never had any thoughts of cross-dressing even though my sister, Teresa, tried to get me to 'take a walk on the wild side' for Halloween a few years back. I told her no, in no uncertain terms, and that settled that as far as I was concerned. She didn't push the issue any further, which I appreciated. Anyway, as tough as that year was to go through, it was about to get a whole lot worse. It began shortly before school ended when my breasts started itching. I hoped it might be the beginning of some growth spurt, but that didn't help much. What alarmed me even more was that they appeared to be getting bigger. I tried everything I could think of to bring relief, but nothing worked. Even the ever-popular oatmeal bath didn't cut it. Oh sure, it brought enough relief for me to get some sleep, but that was about it. When I went in for my annual physical my doctor, Dr. Lewis, noticed that my breasts had grown since my last checkup. According to him, it wasn't the sort of growth that came with developing pectoral muscles either. Dr. Lewis ran some tests on them and told me to come back in about a week, as he had to consult with another doctor to verify the results. I tried not to panic, but failed miserably. The more I tried not to think about what Dr. Lewis saw the more my imagination went into overdrive. I imagined everything from cancer to some other horrible disease. My parents tried to calm me down, but nothing seemed to work except my daily runs. Thankfully school was out for the summer and the only people I saw from school were my long time friend, Jake Clark, my sister Teresa (we call her Terri), and her boyfriend Will Stuart. Jake did more to keep me grounded than anyone else I knew and he was one of the few who didn't grind on me for my looks. Speaking of Terri, while she is a beautiful girl, she can also be a pain in the butt sometimes. I chalk it up to sibling rivalry most of the time, but other times I am not so sure. For example, one night we were talking in her room and she mentioned that my breasts seemed to be getting bigger. "Yeah, they have and they itch like crazy. I wish they would stop." "Maybe, but if they get much larger you might think about getting a job at Hooters. I'll bet you'd get great tips." "Terri!" "Sorry, I just couldn't resist. Face it Shawn, if you get a great set of breasts, like mom and I have, you'll be a knockout." "That'd be all I need." The week passed slowly, but finally I went back to Dr. Lewis and waited for the verdict. Mom came with me for moral support. Dad couldn't make it since he was out of town on a job, but was due home today. Oh yeah, I probably should tell you a little about my parents. Hugh and Sarah Jensen are their names. Dad is an aircraft engineer and mom is into real estate. They are really great. I know that many parents out there can be a real pain, and mine have their moments, but for the most part they are good role models for Terri, and I. So now back to Dr. Lewis and the verdict on what was happening with my breasts. I sat in the examination room waiting with mom for Dr. Lewis to enter. Why did doctors keep their patients waiting so long? Don't they know that waiting can drive you crazy? Mom held my hand and talked to me about anything, but what might be happening with me. "So, what do you and Jake plan on doing this summer? Have you two found jobs yet?" "No. Jake thinks he might go down to the recreation center and apply for a job as a lifeguard. He did that last year." "He's always been a strong swimmer. Just like you." "Maybe so, but he does it because the girls flock to him." "I'll bet," my mom replied. "I thought about doing the same thing, but I'm not sure I have the build to be a lifeguard though. It's not that I'm not a strong swimmer, but I wonder if I could pull out someone twice my size if I had to. Jake, after all, is close to 200 pounds already and he has great upper body strength to handle that sort of situation. I'm only about 135 pounds so I don't think it would be for me. However, I might be able to be a swimming instructor or something. I'll check it out this weekend." "I think you'd make a great teacher. You have a great way of talking to people and explaining things clearly. You've always struck me as someone who makes others feel comfortable around you. I don't know why, but you do." "Thanks, mom." Just then Dr. Lewis entered the room and sat down across from me after greeting my mom and I. Dr. Lewis is a man in his early 50's with a bit of a belly on him. His bedside manner is good; at least I have always thought so. He does a good job of explaining things to me, but can get a bit technical at times. Fortunately, he is also patient with me if I don't understand something he tells me. He has, or had jet-black hair, which is showing signs of gray at the temples now. He wears wire rim glasses that make him look intelligent and thoughtful. "Good morning," he said as he closed the door behind him. "Good morning doctor," my mom replied. "Mornin' doc," I added. "I won't beat around the bush on this Mrs. Jensen. Shawn, you have a condition called gynecomastia." "What's that?" I asked. "Simply put, it is a condition which results in enlarged male breasts." "Exactly how big will they get doctor?" Mom inquired. "I'm not sure. In my research on the subject it appears that they can grow to be anything from a small A cup all the way out to a DD cup." My mouth opened as images of me with breasts the size of mom's on my chest filled my head. My mom took my hand and gave it a light squeeze for reassurance. It wasn't helping much right now though. Panic levels in my brain were going through the roof. "What can we do doctor?" Mom probed. "In talking with my colleagues, the best thing to do, for right now anyway, is to let them grow to their full size and then surgically remove them. If we tried to remove them now they would simply continue to grow until they were done and you would have to go through multiple surgeries." He turned to look at me and said, "Shawn, it's obvious from the look on your face that you are upset about this news. However, this is not the end of the world either. There are some things we can do to help suppress their appearance, which is what I suspect you are concerned with most." "As long as I don't have to wear a bra." "Initially, the most common practice is to use a special t-shirt with a restrictive band across the chest area. This will help keep your breasts flat against your chest. This would help as long as they are relatively small in size. Obviously, the bigger they get the less effective the t-shirt will be." "And what if they do get . . . bigger?" I choked out the question. "Well, let's cross that bridge if we get to it. No sense in borrowing trouble at this early stage since we have no idea how far it will go." I noted the positive spin he was trying to put on this situation, but I needed answers. "Doc, I really would appreciate it if you would tell me now. I have been imagining all sorts of things and it is driving me crazy," I pleaded with him. "If I know what I to expect, then I can learn to deal with it. Otherwise, I won't be able to sleep worth a flip." Dr. Lewis looked at my mom who simply nodded before he continued, "Very well then. If, and I emphasize that word 'if,' your breasts do grow out past the capability of the restrictive t-shirt, then we might try using more severe restrictive clothing. Options include an Ace bandage type restriction although that would only be useful for a short time depending on how big they get. In that instance, you could just stay at home until we can schedule the surgery to have them removed. I suspect that would work for a time." He paused a moment before adding. "Of course, you could simply take on the guise of a young woman, until we can safely, and permanently, remove your breasts." My mom and I looked at each other in disbelief for a moment letting this information sink in. My head was spinning faster and faster and I was thankful to be sitting down. "I know it is a great deal to absorb Shawn, but try not to let your mind go off the deep end here. I have no idea what is going to happen. I just know the possibilities. Nothing more. Let's wait and see what happens before considering the next option. Okay?" "Okay," I replied, my voice revealing my stunned state. "Thanks for being straight with me doc." "You're quite welcome." Mom and I left Dr. Lewis' office some ten minutes later and headed back home. I was dazed into silence for the duration of the trip even though I suspected mom wanted me to talk about it. When we got home dad and my sister Terri were anxiously waiting for us. They could tell that things were not good, but they waited for us to relate what happened at the doctor's office. Since I wasn't saying much mom did her best to explain things. After that mom and dad went into the kitchen to talk it out. I didn't know how my father was going to respond other than I knew he would support me as best he could, no matter what. I figured Terri would help too. Yes we had your rivalries, but she was my sister after all. Terri pulled me into her room and closed the door. "So, tell me what is really going on?" "Just the end of my life, Terri." "What? Are you going to die?" Good old Terri, get straight to the point. "No, nothing like that, although that might be better," I said. "That's not funny, Shawn. Now what's going on?" "Well, like mom said, Dr. Lewis told me I have something called gynecomastia, which means I am going to have large breasts." "Really? How big will they get? Will they be as big as mine? Did he say?" Terri asked. "He wasn't sure. He said they could be anywhere from an A cup to double D in size." "Wow! That's unreal!" "Tell me about it. That job at Hooter's is looking more like a real possibility," I laughed half-heartedly. "I can't believe this is happening Terri. As if having a pretty face wasn't bad enough now, I am going to have breasts too." At that moment I lost it and put my face in my hands and cried. I felt Terri's hand come to rest on my back to let me know she was there, but the emotional drain was too much for me. After all I had been through this year and the struggle of it all, I just couldn't handle it anymore. Yes, I had been holding things in, in typical guy fashion, but there is just so much cave to stuff things in before even the walls fall down. I don't know how long I cried for, but slowly, ever so slowly, I regained some sense of calm. Or maybe I simply cried myself out. Whatever the reason my tears stopped. "So what can you do?" Terri asked. "The doc says there a couple of options. To begin with, there is a special t-shirt I can use to keep them compressed against my chest, but that will only work as long as they remain small. As they get bigger, if they get bigger, I would have to change over to using some kind of Ace bandage setup, which will help for a little longer. If they get really big, then the only real option he could offer would be to gut it out, or . . . " "Or what?" Blushing I replied, "Or I could dress up like a girl until I could have them removed." "Oh Shawn. I'm so sorry." "Thanks sis. Me too." Just then mom and dad came in having heard the two of us talking. Terri got up and let mom and dad sit down on either side of me. They put their arms around me and did their best to comfort me. Terri stood off to one side, but I could feel that she was pulling for me too. After about a half hour mom went off to fix dinner while dad sat with me. Terri followed after mom. "Dad, what am I going to do?" I asked. "I'm not sure yet son. Whatever it is though we will see it through together. You will make it. We will take this one step at a time and we are all going to help you in any way we can. You are not alone in this. Do you understand?" "Yes, dad." "Good," he said rising to his feet. He took my hand and lifted me up and said, "Now go wash up for dinner." "Okay," I replied weakly. Our family ate in utter silence. Mom and dad looked at each other, speaking without saying a word. Terri said one or two things, but I was so lost in my own thoughts that I don't know what she said. As for me, I just picked at my food not feeling very hungry at the moment. I was contemplating my life and wondering if I was going to have any friends left after this next year. In thinking it through, I figured Jake might stick with me. He was my best friend in the whole school and so he was the best shot. I also thought this gynecomastia was going to push our friendship to its very limits of trust. If he didn't stand by me I knew I was going to lose it for sure. Oh man, my life was so over. Why was this happening to me? Why now? Why of all times in my young life did this have to happen now? Chapter 3 The first two weeks of summer vacation were spent trying to come to terms with the now visible growth of my breasts. They weren't all that big, Terri said they were still in the A-cup range, but they were growing. God, I hate my life. Mom picked up several of the special t-shirts for me a few days after our visit with Dr. Lewis. Thankfully, she didn't make me come with her, which saved me endless amounts of embarrassment. When she returned home she helped me into one of them and I found that it was surprisingly comfortable, so far anyway. I only hoped that I wouldn't have to find out what the next level of restriction felt like. During those first weeks after I got the diagnosis from Dr. Lewis, I didn't venture out of the house much unless mom or dad was with me and even then we didn't go very far. Most of the time we would just go for a walk in the woods where human interaction would be limited. Jake called a couple of times and we talked about normal guy stuff, but I didn't tell him about what had happened. I just couldn't do it. I know it would come out soon enough, but not now. I had to get my own head around this situation before I could bring anyone else into it. Jake would be the first big test because if he didn't handle it well the others certainly wouldn't. I just had to hope and pray that Jake would come through and stick by me. If not, that flying leap into the abyss would be looking mighty good. By the fifth week my breasts were entering the B-cup range according to mom and the special t-shirt was feeling a little tight against my chest. I could still breathe, but it was becoming more difficult with the t-shirt on. "Shawn, I'm afraid we will have to begin thinking about some other solutions to your problem." "Like what mom?" "First, I will pick up some Ace bandages at the drug store and see if they will help. Another option might be to pick up some bras for you. I know that you probably don't want to hear that right now, but I truly think they will help support your breasts and give you some comfort." "Mom, please don't make me do that. Please. I'm barely holding on to what's left of my sanity as it is. Wearing a bra would be too much for me right now." "Well, okay honey. For now I won't make you wear one, but I will pick some up for you, just in case. Okay?" "Alright." My heart was sinking fast. God only knew what was next in store for me. Mom headed out and came back about an hour and a half later with several Ace bandages and a bag of assorted bras. She came into my room and had me take my shirt off so she could wrap me in the bandage to see how it looked, and felt for that matter. When she was done my breasts weren't as pronounced, but the bandage was making it hard to breathe. "How is that Shawn?" Mom asked. "Tight, but okay. At least they don't show too badly." "Well, I wish you'd try one of the bras I bought for you to see if they would help, but I won't force you into it." "Thanks, mom." I decided to go with the bandage for now hoping that I would get used to it. That and the fact that I didn't want to think about the other alternative just yet. I began to suspect that I would have go that route soon enough, but if I could hold out for just a little longer maybe I wouldn't need to. I hoped I was right. Please let me be right. After about another hour or so I went for a run in the woods to help clear my head and get rid of some of the stress that was building up in me. I needed to stretch my legs anyway. I put on my sweatshirt, shorts, and running shoes. I stretched out for a good ten minutes, making sure I was warmed up, and then headed out the door and into the woods. The weather was warm so I began to sweat pretty hard with my sweatshirt on, but the exercise felt good. As I ran along the trails, I tried to focus on my breathing to see how the Ace bandage was affecting it. It certainly made things harder, but I pushed through the pain and ran on for a few miles before heading back home. I should tell you that due to my self imposed isolation at home my hair had grown out to a point where it was over my ears. In fact, it was longer than I had had it in years. My legs were clean-shaven too due to my swimming. I like to keep them shaved to help my times in the water. Plus I just liked them that way. Does that make me weird? Maybe so, but lots of other guys who cycle or swim do it. Why not me? What I failed to realize though is that due to my appearance I looked more feminine than usual. That's why, when I came across a couple of people walking their dogs on the trail, I was taken aback when one of them yelled out to me, "Having a good run, miss?" I just waved, smiled, and jaunted on my merry way. I must have misheard them or something. However, when I got back home, and had cooled down, I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. I saw what they saw and it scared me. Yes I had seen that face many times before, but there was something different about it now. Could it be that the simple act of letting my hair grow made me look even more feminine than I first thought. Several questions popped into my mind. First, if hair this short made me look like a girl what would longer hair look like on me? Good night, what was I saying? I've got to stop that or I really will go off the deep end. Obviously, it was time to get a haircut, but that meant going to the barber shop and I wasn't sure I could do that now. On the other hand, the longer I waited the worse it would get. I decided I had to go for it and get it done before things got out of control. As if they could get much worse. The next day, Thursday, mom took me down to Smitty's for my haircut. I liked Smitty, whose real name was Gordon Smith. He must have been in his early 60's and he was completely bald, which I kind of chuckled at every time I walked into his place. Still, I liked talking to him and he had a dry sense of humor that reminded me of the Monty Python group from England. He even talked with a slight British accent, which I loved. I walked in to his place, with mom in tow, and asked if he could fit me in. "Sure Shawn, 'ave a seat. I shouldn't be more than about ten minutes or so." "Great, thanks Smitty." "While you're waiting here Shawn, I am going to do some shopping for dinner. I'll be back in about a half hour to pick you up," mom said. "Sure, mom," I replied as I bent down to pick up the latest issue of Sports Illustrated while I waited. Smitty's was the type of place you always hear about. You know the kind I'm talking about. It was a place where the guys hung out to shoot the breeze. You always hear the greatest stories in such places. Smitty ran the shop since he was the owner, but he had some help in the form of a guy by the name of Bill Jacobs. Bill was kind of quiet most of the time, but he was real good with a pair of scissors. Bill and Smitty were top- notch barbers and all the guys in town went to them, which kept them good and busy. The other thing I liked about Smitty's were the smells. You had Old Spice mixed in with various after shaves Smitty kept on his shelf. Even though I wasn't shaving yet, I loved the smell of Old Spice and Bay Rum. They reminded me of my grandfather and I really liked grandpa Jensen. He had been in WWII and Korea and had been literally all over the world. He mostly served in the Pacific theater and had seen a lot of action during both conflicts. I can remember many a night sitting at his feet when I was younger listening to his tales of adventure during the wars. He would always tell me that he didn't like the war, but they were necessary. He said that if good people fail to fight against evil, then evil wins. It's strange how smells can trigger different memories, isn't it? Before I knew it, Smitty called me up into his chair and I told him to give me the usual. "Sure 'nuf, Shawn. You definitely need it." Smitty draped the smock over my chest and started to fire off several questions in my direction. "Been a while since you've been in. Been busy? How's the running going? Break any records?" "Not today, Smitty. I did have a good run in the woods the other day though." I shifted a bit to get comfortable in the chair and added, "Even came across some deer prints on the trail. Looked pretty fresh too." "Oh, sounds good. Maybe the hunting will be good this year." "Yeah, I hope so. Dad and I haven't been in a while, but it sure would be good to go out and nab a good sized buck." He turned to his shelf and picked up the clippers, put on the number 4 guide, and set about shearing off the hair on the sides first. After that he switched over to his scissors and cut the hair on top down to about an inch in length. I watched in the mirror as Smitty worked. When he was done, I was somewhat relieved to see a more masculine appearance than when I first walked in. At least as masculine as it ever got. In less than fifteen minutes I was done. I paid Smitty with the money mom left with me and went outside to wait for her. I sat outside the shop on the bench Smitty kept there and watched people pass by while I waited. I was staring down at the sidewalk when I noticed a pair of jeans covered legs stop in front of me. I looked up and found myself looking at Jake. I panicked at the sight of him and tried my best to cover my fear. Jake sat down next to me. "Haven't seen you in a while Shawn. How are you doing these days?" "Okay, I guess. Just got my haircut from Smitty." "Great. It looks like he did a good job on you. Still you look different somehow. Have you been working out lately?" "Just my usual running and swimming. Nothing more," I replied. "Hmmm. Have you decided on what you are doing for the summer? Did you get a job yet?" "No. I thought about applying for the position as a swimming instructor at the recreation center, but they already filled the slot." "Bummer. It would have been good working with you this summer." "Yeah. I take it you got one of the lifeguard slots over there?" I asked. "Yup. Sure did." "Anyone else I know get one?" "Tim Walters and Jeannie Garon from our class, and Heather, my sister." "That's great," I replied. "How has it been going over there?" "It's pretty boring most of the time, but we have had to make a few saves here and there. Mostly little kids jumping in over their heads and panicking." "Have you made any saves yet?" "Not yet. Heather did though." "Cool. Was the kid okay?" "Yup." "Excellent. Give her my congrats." "Will do, but maybe you could come by the pool and give them to her yourself." "I'll try. Is she on a specific shift or something this week?" "Yeah. She's on late this week, which means 10am to 6pm when the pool closes." "Great. Tell her I will try to drop by tomorrow." "Will do." "What about you? Why aren't you working today?" "This is my day off." "Awesome. What are you going to be doing with it?" "Not much. Right now I'm heading over to the movie theater to watch Star Trek: First Contact." "I heard that was out. I wish I could go with you, but my mom is picking me up in a little bit." "Why not ask her if she can pick you up after the movie? That way we can go together." Part of me really wanted to go see that movie, but I was also afraid Jake might discover my condition and I wasn't sure I could face him with that right now. Would there ever be a good time though? How do you tell your best friend that you're growing breasts? "I'll ask her." I began praying that mom would say no so I wouldn't have to face Jake right now. Mom drove up to Smitty's a few minutes later, and after she said hi to Jake I asked her if it would be all right for me to go with Jake to see the movie. "Sure hon. I don't see why not." I looked at her in disbelief, but I knew she was only trying to help in her own way. She knew I had to start facing some of my friends sooner or later and now was as good a time as any. "Cool," Jake exclaimed. "Just a minute, Jake," Mom said. "When does the movie end?" "About 4, Mrs. Jensen." "Do you want me to pick you up or can you make it back home on your own?" "A pickup would be great Mrs. Jensen. Say about 4:30? That would give Shawn and I some time to talk. How about picking us up at the Wendy's over there?" "4:30 at Wendy's it is. Be seeing you," Mom said as she drove off. I did the best I could to hold myself together and not act like anything was wrong or weird, but I was feeling really vulnerable right now. I didn't know if Jake was picking up on any of my nervousness, but if he did he didn't say anything. Jake and I walked over to the theater a block away and got our tickets. We waited in line for a few minutes before they let us in. Neither of us wanted anything to eat or drink so we went inside and found our seats. There was nothing in the previews that looked good. Just some chick flicks and a few animated movies coming up, but nothing that clicked with me though. The movie started and Jake and I settled back to watch. Some two hours later the theater lights came on and Jake and I made our way outside. It was a little after 4 when the movie ended so we went over to the local Wendy's and ordered some burgers, fries, and a coke. "So what did you think? Good movie, huh." "Yeah," I replied taking a bite of my burger. "The effects were awesome and the Borg looked nastier than ever. Don't you think?" Jake asked. Jake munched on some of his onion rings and took a swig of his coke. "Yup." "Not saying too much are you Shawn." "Nope," I said smiling. "Okay now. Who are you and what have you done with my friend Shawn?" Jake asked. "The Shawn I know could talk the ear off anyone I know." "Actually, I am an evil space alien sent here to scout out your planet in advance of our invasion force, which is currently stationed outside the orbit of the planet you call Jupiter." "Hah. Hah. Very funny." "No, really. Do you want to see my atomic death ray pistol?" "For crying out loud. Get serious will you." I took a deep breath and gathered my thoughts before continuing, "I've just had a lot on my mind lately Jake." "Like what." "I'm not sure I should talk about it." "Why not?" "It's very personal." "Listen Shawn. We've been friends for years and have talked about all sorts of things, personal and non-personal. I hope you know you can trust me with anything." "I do Jake, but this is different. At least it is to me." "How so?" Jake asked. "It just is, Jake." "You're not dying are you?" "No, it's nothing like that although it is serious." "It's not your parents or Terri is it?" "Nope," I responded. "What is it then?" Jake asked in a pushing manner. "You've got my curiosity all twisted up in knots here bud." It was clear he wasn't going to let this go so I caved and replied, "Okay. I'll tell you, but not here. It's too out in the open if you know what I mean." "Sure. Okay." We spent the rest of the time talking about other stuff, but I could tell Jake was busting at the seams trying to figure out what was going on that was so 'serious' to me. Mom arrived right on time and took the two of us back home. After a quick look to mom to let her know I was going to tell Jake she mouthed 'good luck' to me then disappeared into the kitchen to get working on dinner. Jake and I went up to my room and closed the door. Jake looked around my room for a bit before turning to face me and asking, "Okay, Shawn. Out with it. What's bothering you?" "There is no easy way to say this, but to say it. Jake the reason I haven't been around much this summer is that I have come down with a disease. Don't worry though it's not contagious." "What are you talking about?" Jake asked with some concern. "The disease is called gynecomastia and it results in large male breasts." "You're kidding." "Believe me, I wish I was." "Can you show me?" I wasn't too sure that I should because I thought it would be just too weird. However, Jake was my friend and he would probably see them sooner or later so I decided to let him all the way in to my secret, which wasn't so secret anymore. "Well, okay," I replied. I took off my shirt and showed him the Ace bandage wrapped around my chest. "Why do you wear that?" "It helps to keep them from being so visible." "I see." I began unwrapping the bandage and watched Jake's face as I did so. He was just staring at my chest in anticipation, which made me feel self- conscious, but I steeled myself and continued. As the last of the bandage fell away my breasts sprang back to their full feminine form. "Whoa! When you said breasts, you meant it." "Yeah." I held my breath preparing for the worst, but hoping for the best. "Do they hurt?" "Not really. They just itch like crazy sometimes." "Really?" "Yeah." Jake kept his eyes focused on my breasts, which made me feel more and more uncomfortable for some reason. I wasn't sure if it was because I was waiting for some reassurance of his friendship or something else. I bent down to pick up the bandage and started to wrap myself up again. "Do you need some help?" Jake offered. "Yeah. That would be great. If you could hold this end behind my back just at the spine." I felt some level of reassurance at his willingness to help me, but wasn't letting my guard down fully just yet. "Sure thing." Jake went around behind me and held the end of the bandage between my two shoulder blades while I pulled it around the front of my chest. At one point his hand brushed my right breast and I just about jumped out of my skin at the sensation. I hoped he didn't see my reaction, but I played it cool all the same. I handed it off to him and he then handed it back to me on the right side. We did this several times until we reached the end and then used the little metal clips to hold it in place. I put my shirt back on and turned to face Jake. I looked at him for a few seconds before saying, "So now you know Jake. You are the first person, outside of my family and my doctor, who knows about this. I hope I can trust you to keep my secret. Will you do that?" "Kind of late to be asking that Shawn, but, yeah, I'll keep it." "Thanks. I know I should have told you sooner, but I have been scared half out of my mind since I found out. My parents and Terri have been great and all, but I needed to tell someone else and you were the only one I could think of." "I'm your friend Shawn. I always have been," he answered. "So tell me, what are you going to do about school?" "It's not like I have a lot of choice Jake. Either I spend my senior year at school or at home. It's not like I can just shift schools with only one high school in the area." "True, but how will you handle . . .you know," he said looking down at my chest. "I'm not sure. I know I am going to get ribbed even more so now, but I don't see that I have too many options." "You've got more guts than I do. That's for sure, Shawn." Jake put his hand on my shoulder as a show of support. "Shawn!" Mom yelled. I opened the door, stuck my head out, and said, "Yeah?" "Dinner is almost ready. Better get washed up. Jake would you like to join us?" "No thanks Mrs. Jensen," Jake yelled over my head. "My mom is cooking my favorite, roast beef, tonight and I promised I would be back before 5:30." "You better scoot then Jake." "Right. Thanks again Mrs. Jensen." Jake turned to look at me and said, "I'll see you around Shawn." I walked him to the door, let him out, and went into the kitchen where mom and Terri were putting the finishing touches on dinner. Mom looked at me and asked, "How did it go?" "About as good as I could expect mom. It felt weird telling Jake about what was happening, but I'm glad he knows." "Well your father should be home anytime now so you better go wash up and get ready for supper." "Right mom. I'll be right back." Dad arrived a few minutes later just as I was sitting down at the table. He set his things down in his study and came in to join us. It was a peaceful dinner and I told dad what had happened with Jake. He was glad I had told him and that I showed real courage in doing so. After dinner was over and all the dishes had been cleared away dad told us he had made arrangements for us to take a family holiday down to the Florida Keys. He said that he thought it would be a good idea for us to get away and work some things out. I have to admit there was a part of me that was happy about it. It would be good to get away and not have the daily fear of running into someone I knew. Being able to get out and do some snorkeling among the coral reefs and work on my tan some too. However, another part of me was terrified. What would I do for fun down there? What would others think of the freak boy with large breasts? Where was the deepest water in case I wanted to swim away and drown myself? Chapter 4 In the week since dad had told us about our family vacation my breasts had grown into a solid B-cup and threatened to go all the way to a C-cup. The Ace bandage was working, but just barely, and so mom and I sat down for a heart to heart. "Listen Shawn. I know you don't want to hear this, but I think it's time for you to consider the option of using a bra. It's quite clear that the bandage isn't going to do the job for much longer and I think it would be good for us to explore other options." "I know," I replied sullenly. "So?" "So what?" "What about wearing a bra?" Mom queried. "I guess I'll have to consider it now, but when will they stop growing mom? This is scaring the crap out of me. What if they never stop?" My voice betrayed my anxiety. Images of me with super huge breasts came into my head and I almost broke out in hysterical laughter at the picture. "They will honey. Don't think like that. Dr. Lewis would have told us something if there were a chance of that. Please be patient. I don't think it will be much longer. Really." "Are you sure?" I said. "Yes. Now I'll fetch some of the bras I bought for you and we'll see how they fit. Okay?" "Sure." I sank to my bed and did my best to hold back my tears. Mom returned a few minutes later with several bras in hand. She asked me to take my shirt off. She took a look at my breasts and then handed one of the bras to me. I took it from her and held it out at arms length like I would if I were holding a snake. As if I would really do that in the first place. I then reluctantly slipped my arms through the openings and tried to fasten the clip in back. Mom helped me there because my arms couldn't quite make the stretch. The first bra was a bright white garment with no frills. It felt comfortable enough, but pinched a little on the sides. "There, how does that feel Shawn?" "It's pinching a little under my arms." Mom made a few adjustments and the bra felt much better. "How's that?" "Better. What did you do?" "I just let the straps out a bit," Mom answered. "Oh," I said flatly. Just then Terri came into my room having heard my mom's voice. When she entered, her mouth opened wide, but no words came out. I tried to turn so she wouldn't see, but I wasn't near fast enough. "Whoa. Sorry." "That makes two of us," I said dejectedly. "For what it's worth, they look beautiful," Terri continued. "Gee, thanks. I feel so much better," I replied silently admitting to myself that they were nice to look at. They were about half the size of Terri's and nice and firm. "Sorry Shawn, but it's true. Your breasts are beautiful," Mom stated. "With a little makeup and some clothes you would be a knockout. Too bad you won't try it out and see for yourself," Terri added. "This is hard enough sis without having to be in drag too." "Did you ever think it might make things easier for you?" Mom asked me. "How do you figure that, mom?" "Think about it, honey, if you look like a girl, then no one will think you look weird. No one will make fun of you. You could go out without being laughed at." I hated to admit it, but she had a point. It would make things easier if I didn't have to deal with all of the digs from my classmates at school. "Do you really think so mom?" I asked. "It certainly would be worth finding out, don't you think?" "I suppose so," I replied. "Come on Shawn. Admit it. You've been looking for a way to make it through your senior year in one piece. Maybe this is it," Terri interjected. I thought about it for another minute or two and came to the conclusion that I should at least find out what it would be like in case I ever had to go that route. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. I shook my head in disbelief at the thought and then told my mom, "Okay." "Okay what?" "Okay, let's see how I look as a girl." "Are you sure?" Terri asked. "Yes. Right now. Before I change my mind," I said giving in to my fate. "You don't have to tell me twice." Terri raced out of my room to get some things from her closet. Mom vanished down the hallway to her room and came back a few minutes later with some bags in hand. Terri followed soon afterwards with some clothes and makeup. What was I getting myself into? Over the next hour or two, I entered their world. The world of makeup, clothes, and shaving places not normal for guys. My legs were already clean-shaven from my swimming, but that was about it. The rest was all new territory for me. Frankly, it was frightening. Not because of what they were doing to me, but because of the image that was forming in the mirror before me. It was the image of a beautiful young woman in her late teens. The only thing really out of place was my haircut. Even then I looked quite feminine, in a Lori Petty, Tank Girl sort of way. However, mom came prepared and pulled out a couple of wigs she had purchased for me. There were three in all, one short in a pixie style, another in a medium length, and the third in a long wavy style. All three were a darker strawberry blond color. We tried all three, but the one I liked the best was the long wavy strawberry blond, since it made me look way different than the others. Terri pulled out one of her denim skirts and a dark green blouse, which she had me put on. The blouse didn't reveal too much cleavage, for which I was eternally grateful. Terri then gave me some sandals for me to put on and pronounced me . . . done. I stepped in front of the full-length mirror in the bathroom and found myself wanting to scream, but not having the strength to do so. The image staring back at me was too incredible to accept as being me. Yet, when I brought my hand to my mouth, the image mimicked my motion perfectly. Oh man, if only Jake could see me now. He'd freak. Mom and Terri stepped back from their handiwork, turned to each other, and smiled. "So what do you think?" Terri asked. "I'm not sure what to say sis," I said as I turned side to side. "I do," she continued and let out a wolf whistle. "Stop it Teresa," I said using her full name to let her know she was crossing a line. "I feel strange enough as it is." "Terri, Shawn's right. However, your sister's right too, Shawn. You are gorgeous." "Great. Just what I always wanted - to be some gorgeous girlie girl," I said dejectedly. "Can I get undressed now?" "Sure, we found out what we needed to know," Mom answered. In a flash I was out of Terri's clothes and taking a shower to wash off all the girl stuff they had put on me. I scrubbed and scrubbed, but nothing short of a lobotomy would get rid of the image that filled my head. The image of the beautiful young woman I had been made up to be. She was forever imprinted on my brain. I went to bed that night, but did not get much sleep. The image of myself as a young woman formed in my mind, looked at me, and smiled. She didn't say a word, at least none that I ever heard, but held out her hand to me as if asking me to join her. If I took her hand where would we go? If I didn't what would happen to her? What would happen to me? Would she leave me? Would she reach out, grab me, and haul me off whether I wanted to go or not? Yet her image was inviting, warm, friendly, and yes, sexual. In fact, she oozed sex from every pore of her body. Realizing it was my image snapped me awake. I looked around my room, down at my breasts, and wondered. I found the bras mom had left for me and picked them up. I felt all of them and then picked the one that felt the softest to my touch. I couldn't tell what the material was in the darkened room, but figured it was exactly what I wanted to satisfy my curiosity. I brought the bra back to my bed and then slowly rubbed it against my left breast. Why didn't I do this earlier you may ask? The answer is simple . . . fear. At first, all I felt was the soft material, but after a few minutes I noticed that my breasts were getting hard and my nipples began to stick straight out. 'For crying out loud this feels good,' I thought to myself. I continued to rub my breasts for several minutes more before forcing myself to stop. I put the bra away and went back to bed with a huge smile on my face. The face of the young woman appeared before me and simply nodded as I took her hand. Chapter 5 The day before our trip to Florida I was sitting on my bed thinking about the young woman in my dreams and where she was taking me. What was her name anyway? As if in response to my question, a voice in my head said 'Erin.' It was a nice enough name and it fit the image perfectly. I nodded to no one and accepted it. The day after mom and Terri had given me my first makeover mom told dad about it and he told me it was a courageous move on my part. I didn't feel brave though. Just the opposite in fact, but I had no choice. I couldn't do anything until my breasts stopped growing and have them removed. I couldn't wait for that day, or so I thought, because today I felt different. Something had begun to change within me and figured it had to do with Erin. What it was I did not know for sure, but I knew I would find out. I just wasn't sure I wanted to know. Anyway, Terri had helped me put together some clothes for the trip so that 'Erin' could have some fun and stuff. She made sure I had some swimming suits too. She gave me some of her old one-piece suits along with two bikinis, one yellow and one electric blue. I tried to give those back, but she smiled impishly and said, "Trust me, you will want at least one of these in case it gets really hot down there." I gave in and buried the bikinis under my other clothes. I added some of my guy stuff like my running shorts and shoes and some sweatshirts too. Why sweatshirts? So I could hide my breasts, of course. Dad decided to take us out for dinner so that mom wouldn't have to cook that night. Mom and Terri thought it would be good if I went in drag. I wasn't thrilled with the suggestion, but decided to go along with it since it was the only way I could go with them and remain free from the teasing. Terri let me borrow one of her dresses, a cream-colored, knee length affair that didn't reveal too much cleavage. Mom did my makeup and then went to get herself ready. I walked into the living room and waited for everyone else to finish getting ready. I sat down on the sofa and flipped through some magazines to help pass the time. Just then the doorbell rang and, without thinking, I went to get it. As I opened the door, I remembered how I was dressed and found myself looking into Jake's face. What is it they say, 'if something can go wrong it will'? "Oh crap." I slammed the door in Jake's face and ran off to my room passing Terri on the way. I closed the door and flung myself onto my bed likely ruining my makeup, but I couldn't have cared less at the moment. My fists hammered into my pillow as the tears threatened to burst the gates wide open. Fortunately, they never appeared. I don't know why, but they didn't. Could it be that having Jake see me like this was a good thing? I couldn't see how, but maybe it was, in some strange way. Meanwhile, Terri went to the door and found Jake still standing there with his mouth open and shaking his head. "Hi Jake. Come on in," Terri said standing aside to let him in. Jake didn't move for a few seconds and then took a step inside before turning away and running down the road. Terri stood there and almost called out after him, but decided he needed to get his thoughts together before confronting Shawn again. No doubt he was in shock after seeing me dressed up as 'Erin.' Heck, so was I for that matter. Terri walked back and opened my door and told me what happened. I wasn't sure what to make of it though, but decided to give Jake some time. After all it was his first glimpse of my alter ego. God only knows what was going through his mind. Seeing your best friend looking like this couldn't be easy. It wasn't easy for me either. I only hoped that I hadn't scared him too badly. Mom and dad came out after hearing the commotion and made sure I was all right. I told them I would be and asked Terri to help me get my makeup repaired. Some 20 minutes later I came out with Terri close behind and we headed out to dinner. The restaurant was known for its home cooking and great desserts. The Caramel Turtle Fudge pie was my favorite and right now I needed a big slice to help me feel better. We sat down and placed our orders with the waitress who looked at me a second or two longer than normal before moving on. It made me feel like I just wanted to disappear, but Terri prevented my escape by taking hold of my hand. After the waitress left mom leaned over to me and whispered, "Take it easy Shawn. You look great. They may have some questions about who you are, but there is no way that they think you're Shawn." She was right of course. The best that could be said was that I looked similar to Shawn, but with my breasts there was no way that I 'was' Shawn. The rest of dinner was uneventful and once it was over dad paid the bill and we headed back home to catch some shuteye before we began the long trip down to Florida tomorrow. However, when we pulled into the driveway I saw Jake sitting on the front steps looking at the car as it came to a stop. Dad, mom, and Terri all went inside while I walked up to Jake and sat down next to him. For a minute or two I didn't say a word. I looked down at the ground and then glanced sideways at him to see what he was doing. He looked like he was about to bust wide open with questions, but was afraid to start. More likely he didn't know where to start. So I started the ball rolling for him, "Pretty weird isn't it?" Jake didn't say anything, but did manage to look at me. For a second there was recognition and a connection, but it only lasted a second before he turned away. "Look Jake. You don't have to say anything. I know you have a lot of things to think about. So do I for that matter. I also know that I surprised you tonight and for that I am sorry. I didn't mean to spring it on you like this, but it just sort of happened. If I had known you were coming over tonight I would have tried to prepare you for this somehow. I'm not sure what I could have said or done, but I would have at least tried. Besides it's not like I like this or anything." "Really? You look pretty comfortable in that getup." "Not by a long shot. It's simply a matter of survival. Besides I don't see as I have much choice." "I know," he replied. "So?" I asked. "What do you mean?" "What do you think of this disguise?" "I think you are one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen, Shawn," Jake stated. "Really?" My stomach flipped end over end when I heard him say I was beautiful. "Come on. You must know how gorgeous you look." "Yeah, it just sounds weird coming from you." I smiled. "You don't know the half of it Shawn." Jake's hands moved to his lap to cover his bulge. I noticed the movement, but didn't make the connection initially. "What did you say?" "I said you don't know the half of it." "What do you mean by that?" I asked. "It's just that . . . well . . . nuts. I can't say it." "Say what?" I pushed. "Look, I feel strange enough talking about this stuff on your parents' front steps. Can we go for a walk or something?" I looked up at the front door and saw mom giving me the nod that it was okay and said, "Sure, just not too long. I have an early day tomorrow and I need some sleep." Jake got up and held out his hand to me. I looked up at him and out of the corner of my eye saw mom turn away from the doorway window with a hint of a smile on her face. Without taking his hand, I rose to my feet and started walking off down the driveway. We walked in silence until we were outside of sight of home when Jake seemed to open up and said, "Shawn, I don't know how to tell you this, but I think I am going to have trouble with you looking like that." "Why?" "Because you're a babe." "And that's a problem why?" I asked. "Yeah, it's a problem. Of course it's a problem. Don't you see it?" I thought for a moment and replied, "I guess not." "Well you should buddy because looking like that you're going to have to beat the guys off with a stick in each hand." He looked down at the ground and then continued, "Heck, I only saw you for a few seconds and already I can't get you out of my head." "I'm sorry Jake. I didn't realize." "You better prepare yourself, because if you don't, someone is likely to find out something you don't want them to know and then you'll really be in for it." Okay, now my terror quotient was reaching new levels. "So what can I do?" "I'm not sure other than . . ." "Other than what?" Jake stopped and turned to face me. "I'm not sure Shawn. I suppose you could try to look less feminine, but I don't think that would really work in your case. Certainly you could keep your hair short, but with a body like yours even that may not keep your pursuers away." "Anything else?" I said moving closer to him. "Please don't do that," Jake said backing away from me by the same amount. "Do what?" "Get so close to me," Jake replied. "Why not?" "Because . . . " "Come on Jake." I looked up at him and asked, " What gives?" "Just don't get so close to me. That's all." "I repeat, why not?" I said moving ever so slightly closer to him. 'What was going on here?' I asked myself. 'Why doesn't he like me getting so close to him? Am I contagious? Does he think I am?' "Okay. You want to know why?" "I just asked you, didn't I?" "Yeah. Well it's because you are having an effect on me I'm not sure I should be having, or enjoying for that matter." I stood there stunned for a moment. Was he telling me, in his own way, that he found me attractive? Was there some power I had over him when I was dressed this way? Would it work on other guys? Did I want it too? Did I want to even wield this power? "Jake, do you like the way I look?" Jake looked down at the sidewalk, kicked a pebble out of the way, and then said, "Yeah. Didn't I just say that?" "Seriously?" I added. "Yes. Seriously." "Wow!" I exclaimed. "I never thought about that." It was my turn to look down at the sidewalk. I thought a moment and then asked him a question I was petrified to hear the answer to. "Jake, do I turn you on?" "Yes," Jake replied quietly. Then I wondered what else he might want from me. "Do you want to kiss me?" I steeled myself for his response. "Stop it Shawn. You know I do." I stepped back from him and looked into his face. The light from a nearby streetlamp told me all I needed to know. My best friend was sexually attracted to me. He wanted me, and not just as a friend either. Then I wondered what it would be like to kiss him. 'No, no I have to stop thinking like that. I can't do that. I won't do it.' Erin's image smiled. She was urging me, tempting me to jump into the water of my new persona. I will admit that a part of me wanted to follow her lead, but my male self was scared stiff and, this time, he won. Barely. "Jake, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize how this would affect you. I wouldn't do anything to hurt you or our friendship. I need you more than ever Jake. Without you and my family I would be alone and I can't take that right now. Please say you'll forgive me." Without realizing what I was doing I moved closer to him. Then, before I knew it, he took my face in his hands, and kissed me. I had stepped into it now. I was in the deep end and trying frantically to remember how to swim. My knees threatened to buckle as the emotions rose within me. My mind was being overloaded with sensations I wasn't familiar with. God help me! Jake pressed himself against me and I felt my breasts begin to stiffen. This feels incredible. I don't want it to stop, but it must. This isn't right. "Unnhh," I moaned as he put his hands on my butt and pulled me into his groin. I could feel that he was rock hard and it frightened me that I had caused him to react this way. No, that's not quite right . . . because it both frightened and excited me at the same time. I had to find some way to keep my head above water here. Unfortunately, I found myself yielding to my growing curiosity. I wanted to know. I had to know. Erin's image smiled and nodded. My arms were torn between wanting to push him away, beat him off, or grabbing on to him with all my might. As the kiss continued my arms stopped their flailing and moved up around his neck giving in to the experience. I opened my mouth and invited him to enter with a touch of my tongue to his. Then, just as quickly as it had begun, Jake broke the kiss and pushed me back to an arms length and said, "Why did you let me do that Shawn? Why?" "I don't know Jake. Something just came over me and before I knew it we were kissing." Jake turned and started to walk away from me. In desperation I ran after him and reached out for his hand. As he sensed my touch he jerked his hand away. "Please don't be mad at me. Please, Jake. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry," I pleaded with him. "All this has got me so confused that I don't know whether I'm coming or going. Please forgive me." Jake stopped and turned to look at me. "Stop it!" I stepped back in surprise. "Don't you see, Shawn? It's not just you. It's me too. I wanted to kiss you back there. Heck, I wanted to do more than that even though I knew we couldn't." "Are you saying that you liked it?" "Are you kidding? Of course I liked it, but that's not the point. We're both guys Shawn. We shouldn't be doing this." "What?" I asked. "The thing is, now that I've kissed you, I want you even more." He looked me squarely in the eyes and added, "You're a great kisser. Those lips of yours are so incredibly soft." Jake ran his hands back through his hair before continuing. "I can't believe I'm saying this to you." "You're scaring me," I said. "I'm scaring you? I'm so far past being scared I don't even know where I am anymore, and it's all your fault." "Sorry." "Don't be. Remember that I'm a willing participant here. Well, mostly anyway." He took me into his arms and held me close such that our faces were inches apart. "So what do we do now?" "I don't know, Shawn. One thing is certain though. I want to see more of you. I only wish there were a way." I thought a moment and said, "Maybe there is, Jake." "Tell me." "Well, what if you were my boyfriend?" "Your boyfriend," he replied. "Yeah, my boyfriend. Or at least Erin Jensen's boyfriend." "Who's Erin Jensen?" "Me, silly." "Oh." "Well, don't act so enthusiastic." "It's not that Shawn. It's just that . . . well how would that work?" "Look at it this way. It's the best of both worlds. On the one hand, by being my boyfriend, you keep all the other guys away from me. On the other, we get to spend time together, and we both want that. Don't we?" "Yeah, but what do I get out of the deal?" I looked up at him, smiled, and kissed him again, "Does this give you any ideas?" What was I doing? I had to stop myself. "Mmmm." Must stop. "Or how about holding me in your arms? To feel me against you like this. Wouldn't you like that?" I pushed my groin into him. For crying out loud what was I doing? Was I insane? Jake's answer came in the form of him putting his hands on my butt and pulling me even closer. I felt his stiffness against my own and found my stomach twisting up into knots. I couldn't believe I was saying and doing this with Jake. I knew it was the battle that raged within me, but the only thing I could do was watch and wait for the outcome. I felt so helpless. What was wrong with me? Why couldn't I stop? "So do you like the idea?" "Yes, but there is a problem." "What do you mean?" "What about school? How would we work Erin into school?" "Yeah. That is a problem." "No kidding," Jake answered. "Listen, I don't have all the answers, but let me think about it while we're on vacation. Maybe something will come to me." "I'll do the same." "Good." I reached out for his hand again and this time he did not resist. "Right now though I would really like you to kiss me again. That is, if you don't mind." "It would be my pleasure, Erin." It was every bit as delicious as the first. I don't know how long it lasted, but I didn't care. I was enjoying myself too much to notice. After all that I had been through this past year this was the first time in a long time that I felt happy and that was a good thing in my book. Maybe this condition I found myself in wouldn't be so bad after all. We walked back home until we reached the front door where we said goodnight. "Shawn," Jake said taking my hand. "Yeah?" "I'm going to miss you while you're away." "Me too, Jake." "Will you promise me something?" "If I can." "Just don't get involved with anyone else while you're away, okay?" "I don't think there's much chance of that after tonight." Before going inside I leaned up and whispered into his ear, "You know Jake, I think being your girlfriend is going to be fun." I lightly kissed his ear, and added, "for both of us." I entered the house, went back to my room, and closed the door. A few minutes later I heard a soft knock at my door. I opened it to find Terri standing there. I let her in and we sat down on my bed. "So what happened? Is Jake okay? Are you two still friends?" "Not much," I lied. "Yes and yes." "Is that it?" Terri asked probingly. "What else do you want to know?" "Details bro. Details." Terri bounced on my bed a couple of times in excitement and waited for me to answer. "Okay. We went out for a walk so he could tell me what was going on in his head since he first saw me tonight. He told me he was freaked out for a while, but he real