Genetic Influences (Second Installment) free porn video

This is the second installment of the story Genetic Influences. This installment continues the story with Chapter Three. The previous two chapters can be read in the first installment. I appreciate reader feedback and have enjoyed reading reviews posted thus far. Chapter Three: Preparations "Mmmph," I groaned as I rolled onto my chest and squished my tits. "These damn things are going to take some getting used to," I thought. I looked, bleary-eyed at the clock on my headboard. It was just a little over two and a half hours since I had crawled into bed. I wanted desperately to drop back into a warm slumber and stay there for a few more hours; but I would have to get up and get ready for class soon. Yah that's right, I was going to class. I had decided that I shouldn't little thing like a gender change affect my attendance record. You might think that makes me a bit of an obsessive over-achiever. If you do, then you and Hayden are on the same page. "You've got the perfect reason to blow off your Friday sessions," he told me. "I mean, geez; you've got enough other stuff going on right now. Worry about classes again after that Del Garza guy changes you back." I'm not really an obsessive over-achiever type. (I wish I were though because that would help me to get my assignments in on time). The real reason I was going to class was midterms. They were rapidly approaching, and if I missed hearing about what was going to be on the exams, it could shoot my course grades all to hell. I couldn't afford to risk this. My GPA was already on the iffy side, and if it dropped any lower, I could kiss my chances of getting into graduate school goodbye. There was a second, and more important reason, I was going to class sessions. Attendance is taken by student ID scan. Therefore, by carrying Jack's student ID with me, I could make it look as though he was following his usual schedule. If anyone from the IGC checked the campus computer files, they would see a record of Jack Finch having been to all the places on campus that he usually traveled on Fridays. If they saw that he had not attended class, however, they might begin to question whether he had taken to flight like his half-brother. This tactic would only serve to delay the inevitable. The IGC would eventually figure out that something was fishy no matter what I did. As they looked for me around campus and found that they could never seem to catch me, their suspicions would begin to congeal. They would start asking my friends a lot of hard to answer questions. But as long as they didn't put the pieces of the puzzle together before Monday evening, everything would be okay. That was the hope I was banking on. I climbed down from the bunk, taking care not to bash the protrusions hanging off my chest against the bed frame. "These damn things are causing me a lot of trouble this morning," I thought. As my feet hit the cold linoleum, I heard someone greet me with a friendly, "Good morning." I turned and saw a round-faced girl sitting at a desk in the corner of the room. Deirdre was not around. "Uh?hi," I said, self-consciously tugging at the hem of the nighty. "Didn't see you there. You must be one of Dee's roomies." "Yah," she agreed. "Name's Shayna. Dee told me about the problems you were having with your roommate. She sounds like a psycho-bitch. Even threw out all your clothes on you, huh?" "Uh?yah, she needs professional help," I said, going along with a story that Dierdre had apparently told. It sounded like she was weaving quite a tale about my reasons for needing a place to stay. "Hope it's okay if I crash here for awhile." "Certainly," she said. "You are welcome to stay with us as long as you like. We got a bunk that's not being used, after all." Shayna insisted on helping me out with everything I would need for my morning routine. She even gave me a bathrobe, for which I was grateful. I took it and tied it on over the flimsy nighty. Shayna then pulled a pair of jeans out of a dresser and handed them to me. "These belong to Sujatha," she said. "She won't mind your borrowing them." She also handed me athletic shoes and socks to wear. The Bathroom was alive with activity as the girls who lived on Deirdre's floor hurried to get ready for morning classes. With the clothing cradled in one arm, and a bright colored plastic basket of various sundries that Shayna insisted I borrow gripped in my opposite hand, I walked across the damp tile and queued up to wait for a shower. Eventually, the occupant of the first shower emerged. It was Deirdre. "Hey, Jack?er?Jaclyn," she said, fumbling over her greeting. "Yah," I said in a low tone, "we better stick to Jaclyn. I'm sure people would think it's strange if they overhear you calling me Jack." She nodded agreement. "So did you meet Shayna, Jaclyn?" "I did," I said. "She's very helpful." "Very maternal," she affirmed. "Takes care of all of us on the floor." Deirdre moved on as a shower opened up for me. "See you back in the room," she said as she left. "We can walk to the quad together." I could see the reflection of the girl I had become out of the corner of my eye as I stripped off my clothes in the small room just outside the shower. While I showered, I found myself thinking about an experiment I'd once heard about. Dr. Kannerman had discussed it during a lecture on the brain and behavior, which I'd attended my Junior year. The experiment was performed over a century ago on voles?vicious little rodents with razor sharp teeth. Researchers removed the reproductive organs of male voles, and then they then pumped a cocktail of female hormones into them. The result was that the little male rodents behaved as though they were female. When put in cages with other male voles, they arched their backs to invite the males to mate with them. Essentially, the animals' gender identity had been switched from male to female. Kannerman had pointed out to us that this process wouldn't work with a human. "We are far more complex creatures than voles," she lectured, "and it takes more than a change in the respective levels of testosterone and estrogen to alter our identity. That is because our highly evolved brain also plays a role in governing our behavior. So while it is true that hormones might trigger certain responses, our brains often determine what responses will be triggered." "The brain structure known as the hypothalamus may play a role in determining gender role behavior in humans," Kannerman continued. She then hit a button and a semi-transparent, 3-D image of a human brain was projected before the class. The hypothalamus glowed, so that we would be able to locate its position at the bottom of the brain. "There is an area of this brain structure that is generally more developed in females than in males," she said. A portion of the hypothalamus then swelled. "This area is associated with a feminine gender identity. There is a separate area of the hypothalamus that is associated with male gender identity. This area is usually smaller in females and larger in males." The female area on the image of the hypothalamus then shrunk and the male area swelled. Thanks to the wonders of modern science, my entire body had been altered to match a female blueprint. That meant that I now had both higher levels of estrogen coursing through system plus a female brain. So how much would that change me? To what extent was I now a different person? When I was showered and dressed, I crossed the bathroom and went over to the sinks where I plugged in Shayna's hair drier. I'd never used one of these things before, but I'd seen Jeannie use one. It couldn't be that hard, I figured, as I flipped it on and began blowing it on my hair. "Yah this is a breeze," I thought. "I don't know what Jeannie was complaining about when she used to moan that guys had it so easy with their hair." Then I heard someone say: "Hope you don't mind me asking, but are you a Gaian, Jaclyn?" I turned and saw Shayna standing there. She had apparently just finished using the toilet and noticed me. "Huh?" I asked her. "Are you a Gaian," she repeated. "I'm just asking because I noticed your ears aren't pierced and?well?it looks like you aren't very sure of yourself with that hairdryer." "Oh," I responded. Apparently, I wasn't as good at this as I thought. "Yah," I said. "I am as a matter of fact. My parents wouldn't ever let me use a hairdryer. Said that it was a shameful waste of electricity. Wouldn't let me wear cosmetics either, because they used to be tested on animals. And, of course they wouldn't let me pierce my ears, because they believed it to be a despoilment of the female body symbolic of man's despoilment of Mother Nature." My parents were actually Presbyterians, but if I told Kate that? well? it would be hard explaining my clumsiness with a hairdryer, as well as the other things. So letting her go along with her presupposition that I was Gaian seemed like a good idea. "Sounds like they were pretty extreme, huh?" she said. "Yah," I responded. "Got teased at school some about it." Shayna then decided to take it upon herself to teach me how to do my hair. I didn't mind. With her help, I was able to transform my wet and tangled mane into a neatly arranged mantle of soft tresses. When we got back to the room, Shayna and I found Deirdre sitting at her desk typing furiously on her keyboard. "I gotta send an e-mail to my Chem 101 lab partner," she told me. "Give me fifteen, and I'll walk to campus with you guys." "I can't wait," Shayna said. "I have to catch my prof at his office before class and ask him a couple questions about a paper that's due next week." "Catch ya later then," Deirdre said. Deirdre continued typing at her computer for several minutes. Then she flipped off her screen causing it to fade away into thin air. "Hey, what are you doing?" she asked as she stood up and turned towards me. "I'm just picking these dirty clothes up off the floor and putting them in your laundry hamper," I answered, put off guard by her question. "Is that okay? I just wanted to get them off the floor. I don't expect you to wash them for me or anything." She chuckled at me. "I'm just wondering why you're not leaving your dirty clothes on the floor to pile up like you usually do." "Is that what I usually do? Geez, I guess it is. I'm not sure what made me pick up these clothes this time. I guess it was just making me uncomfortable having a mess here." "Nesting instinct," she said knowingly. "Nesting instinct?" I responded. "I'm not sure thee is such a thing." "Why else would you suddenly have such a hard time tolerating a messy room?" "Maybe it's my new set of frontal lobes," I offeed. "Frontal lobes?" she responded. "Yah," I confirmed. "They're the part of the brain associated with things like organizational skills, planning, focus, etc. I'm fairly sure that there were a few shorted out connections in my old frontal lobes. I was on the border of being eligible for an attention deficit disorder diagnosis, you know." "I think it's the new mix of hormones in your system," she said, rejecting my frontal lobe hypothesis out of hand. "They're telling you to keep your new nest nice and neat." "Whatever," I sighed?feeling mildly irritated. I wasn't sure what about the interaction was bothering me. "C'mon," I said, slinging the strap of my laptop case over my shoulder, "we better get going, or we'll end up being late." "Don't forget your purse, girlfriend," she said, as I moved to exit the room. "Oh yah," I said, going back to grab it off the desk where I had plopped it the night before. Leaving the dorms without my purse would not be a good idea, since the fake Federal ID Yang had made for me was in it. Being without ID was only a misdemeanor, but if a cop started to ask me too many questions about who I was? well it was better to just avoid trouble. "I guess lugging this thing around is just one more thing about being a girl that I will have to learn to get used to," I said. "That's right," she replied. Again, I felt annoyed. It was something about the way she was acting towards me today. ~ It was soon apparent to me that I was having a much, much easier time keeping focused on lecture. I was able to absorb everything that Professor Lindeman was saying during my nine o'clock class, even though I had gotten only a few hours of sleep. In the past, I really struggled to keep my attention from wandering?even when fully rested. My new brain truly functioned better than the one I had been born with. That was certain. I jotted down notes with my light pen, reveling in my new and improved concentration faculties. I realized just how much I had been handicapped before. As I took notes, I noticed another change. My hand was forming a loopier script as it moved across my computer screen. I was producing a more feminine looking style of writing. It wasn't something I was trying to do. It just seemed to come naturally. When my nine o'clock class was over, I pulled out my netstream phone and called Hayden. The lucky jerk, didn't have class until eleven on Friday which meant he would still be at home. "Any sign of Drew?" I asked him. "Has he shown up looking for his damn box yet?" "No, Jack," he said. "Not yet." "Okay," I sighed, "thanks." With the IG tracking him, how good were Drew's chances, I wondered. Certainly, he was very clever, but the IG had a shit load of resources with which to reveal his movements and ultimately capture him. I feared that I would soon get news of his arrest. "Hey, why don't you join Connor and I for lunch, Jack," Hayden offered. "Connor is gonna call Dee, too, to see if she can come." "Count me in," I said?preoccupied. When my eleven o'clock class was ending, and I was packing up my things to go meet my friends, a guy sitting next to me leaned over to me. "Did you catch the third point that Professor Donner made about language development," he queried. "Yah," I told him. Then, without pulling my notes up on my laptop to check them, I proceeded to rattle off the long and convoluted lecture point using Dr. Donner's exact wording. I could see the phrases just as I had written them down with my light pen. "You remembered all that off the top of your head?" he asked, stunned. It seemed that my new brain had more than just improved concentration and attention ability to offer me. I also now had an eidetic memory. I would have perfect recall for anything that I read. I wished desperately that I could hold onto that ability when I went back to being Jack Finch. But it would fade, I knew, when the nanobots rearranged my brain to match the blueprint provided my original genetic code. That was a sad shame indeed. I met Deirdre, Connor, and Hayden at a place just off campus. It was crowded there, and I had a bit of a wait before I finally made it up to the counter to order. I decided to go with my usual: a Grande Burrito Supremo stuffed full of clone steak. When I set this formidably sized meal down on the table and began eating, I noticed people were staring. "A girl with an appetite," I heard a guy comment. "You ain't gonna keep that figure eating like that, honey," Deirdre teased. That's when I noticed that most of the girls in the place had gotten somewhat smaller orders?the Burrito Pequeno or the Chicken Taco Single. Deirdre had ordered a small taco salad. "Of course," I thought. "Girls always eat like birds." I started feeling uncomfortable with that meal in front of me?not because I'd eaten too much. I'd only had a few bites. It was more that I felt the awkward feeling you get when you realize you just made an embarrassing faux pas. "I don't know what I was thinking ordering this big burrito," I said to my friends with a nervous smile. I ended up finishing just a third of it and giving gave the rest to Connor. "I'll have it for dinner tonight," he said as we headed out of the restaurant. My afternoon Anthropology class dragged on endlessly. I took lecture notes in the new loopy script that my hands now seemed to want to form, eagerly awaiting the bell. Then, finally, class was over. I left the building and trekked to the north end of the quad to meet Deirdre for a shopping excursion. "I'll pay you back for what ever we buy, once I'm able to access my accounts," I promised her as we hopped on the bus. "Don't worry about it, girlfriend," she told me. She seemed to have taken a liking to calling me girlfriend. It was getting irritating. We found seats in the back and plopped down. The bus' electric engine hummed on quietly as we navigated familiar streets, passing southward out of the dusty desert campus and into the downtown area of Sierra Vista with its tall gray gleaming skyscrapers. When we got off at the shopping district, Deirdre brought me into a women's clothing store that carried both new and secondhand stuff. I steered us towards the secondhand racks. I wasn't going to let her drop a bundle on new clothing that I would only need for a couple days. I knew that she and Connor both lived on a pretty tight budget. Most of the their money for clothes and other essentials came from summer jobs. There was a good assortment of secondhand stuff, and it all looked to be in like-new condition. However, at just hair under 180 centimeters, I was tall for a girl. That made it hard to find things that fit me. After spending close to an hour carefully going through the racks, we found only a few things. That meant I couldn't be choosy. I pretty much had to make due with what was there. "I guess this should do it for me," I told her, as I draped a floral print blouse Deirdre had just handed me over my arm. "Wait," she said?spotting something in the racks. Then she pulled out a hanger with a short skirt on it. "This will be real cute on you," she said. "Dee!" I said. "C'mon?I'm not wearing a short skirt like that." "You've got quite a pair of legs, honey," she said, "and it would be a sin to hide them. Besides you said you needed something for the hot weather, and there doesn't seem to be any shorts here. So a short skirt it's got to be." "Alright," I sighed, taking the garment. "Now let's head over hear and get you some bras and panties," she said with the ever so slightest trace of a smile on her lips. I felt the irritation that I'd been feeling with her throughout the day flare up again. This time it was even stronger. "You're enjoying this," I accused, glaring. "In fact, I think you've been enjoying my predicament all day." "What do you mean?" she said innocently. "C'mon Dee! Cop to it." "Okay," she said after an uncomfortable pause. "Yah, I guess I have a little." "So seeing me trying to cope with being a girl has been a big joke for you," I said, fuming now that my suspicions were confirmed. "Something to snigger about while my back is turned. That's pretty damn mean. Don't you think?" "Look, Jack, I'm sorry. I really am." "Well?I'm not sure I can forgive you." "I don't blame you for being angry," she conceded. "I guess I have been being a little bit of a bitch to you today." "Why?" I demanded. "I thought we were friends." "We are friends. It's just that?well you see?I always had a major crush on you, Jack. But you treated me as though I were just one of the guys. At best, I was a little sister to you. It broke my heart. Sometimes I used to?well?I use to go home and cry. So part of has been was thinking: good, maybe now he'll know what being a girl feels like. Maybe he'll be a bit more sensitive when this is over." I stood there silently for a moment. "Gee, Dee, I'm really sorry," I finally said. "I guess I didn't realize that you felt anything for me more than friendship, at least not until yesterday. I was too wrapped up in Jeannie, I guess. That was stupid." "It was stupid," she agreed. "I invested so much in that relationship and still managed to screw it up. I screwed it up, just like I have always screwed up everything. And in the process, I hurt you too?a great friend who's never been anything but sweet to me. I should have seen how you felt and treated you a little gentler. I should have thrown a few compliments your way or something, so you'd know that I noticed you." "Yes, you should have, but I think you're beating up on yourself a little more than you have to over it." "Yah," I agreed. "I have a habit of doing that, don't I?" "No kidding? Okay, c'mon. Let's get you some bras and panties." ~ Early Saturday morning, my netstream phone began to chime. Still in bed, I grabbed the phone off my headboard and flipped it on. It was Javier. "You must, come in at ten AM to get a photo taken for your ID badge," he told me with his careful speech. "Okay," I said, brushing hair out of my eyes. "You'll be meeting with Dr. Creighton, Krieger's assistant project director, as well. He has the final say whether or not you should be issued a badge. It is, therefore, very important that you impress him favorably." "Okay," I said. "What do I have to do to get on his good side?" "Well," he began?suddenly sounding uncomfortable. "It will help you if he thinks he has a chance of scoring with you later on." "What?" I answered incredulously. "Did I use the wrong term? I meant he'll want to know if he will be able to get you to have s?" "I understood that," I interrupted, agitated. "I am just shocked that that sort of thing still goes on in this day and age. I mean?how can he get away with only hiring women he thinks he can get in bed?" "I'm sure it will catch up to him eventually," Javier said. "But you know the way it is?that will take an accumulation of complaints against him. We don't have time to deal with that issue just now. At this moment, he is assistant project director and we need to get him to grant you security clearance." I sighed. "Alright, I get it. I've got to act like I'm interested in? in? getting to know him intimately." "That's correct, I'm afraid." "I just can't believe that this sort of thing still goes on," I said again, speaking to Deirdre. I was fuming over the indignities I was, no doubt, about to endure. "Welcome to the world of being female," she told me solemnly, as she took my chin between her thumb and forefinger to hold my head steady. She then began to assault my face with blush. "You're not putting too much on, are you?" I asked. "Look at me, dear, do I wear too much makeup?" "No," I replied earnestly. "You look good." "Then stop worrying." "With all the laws against sexual discrimination and harassment," I said, flipping back over to the other subject, "how can Creighton get away with this?" "Laws don't usually stop creeps from being creeps, they just make them more sneaky about it," she told me as she took an eye pencil to my lashes. "I'm sure that Creighton is subtle enough that the women he works with have a difficult time identifying anything flagrant enough to complain about." "I guess I never thought about it before," I conceded, "but you're probably right." Then I saw her bring out a small brass cylinder and pull off its cap. "Hey?lip gloss too?" "I told you," she said as the applied the sticky substance on my lips. "Guys are flattered when you go all out on the makeup. Makes them think that you're interested in looking pretty for them." When she was finished, I stood up and looked at myself in the full- length mirror on the closet door. I was wearing the short skirt that Deirdre had bought for me the previous day, a blouse that revealed my cleavage and Jeannie's clone leather boots. "So he'll think I'm trying to look sexy for him?" I asked. Oh yah," she said, as she added the finishing touch of a pair of clip on earrings. ~ Javier's electric ground car was already parked on the street in front of the girls' dorm, when I stepped out through the front doors. Not wanting to keep him waiting, I began to jog towards the faded orange vehicle. It was strange feeling the skirt flap against my butt as I moved, and I became worried it was flapping up high enough to reveal my underwear. Halfway to the vehicle, I slowed my pace and restricted how high my knees came up. "Good morning, Jack," Javier said, as I got in. "Morning," I replied, smoothing out the skirt before buckling my seatbelt. It was an article of clothing that definitely required a lot of fussing, I noted. "You look very nice," Javier noted. "I hope that you do not mind my commenting on that." The girls on the floor had all complemented me on my appearance too. "You look awesome, girlfriend," Shayna had said. "First a hairdryer now makeup. Deciding to rebel against mom and dad all the way, eh?" "What's the occasion?" Sujatha had asked. "Got a hot lunch date or something?" "That boy's poor heart's gonna break when he sees you, sister," said a girl named Kayla. I found myself looking in the mirror after their remarks of praise, feeling good about myself. Social approval is a powerful force. "Provided that Creighton has a heartbeat when you arrive at his office this morning," Javier added, "you will pique his interest." "Great," I said wryly, but part of me felt flattered at his remarks. I felt flattered not because of what he thought Creighton would think, but because he himself obviously judged me to be attractive. "Why?" I asked myself. "What do I care what he thinks about how I look?" "Because you like him," a voice in my head answered. He was, after all, a desirable mate. He was not only handsome, but he was valiantly trying to help me. The primitive parts of my female brain saw him as a capable protector, who could keep dangerous intruders away from our territory. On top of that, he was sensitive. So, when he was not busy keeping me safe and secure, he would help me with the childcare. It was likely that millennia of human evolution had yielded females who were hard- wired to find these traits attractive. Even female chimps looked for these qualities in a partner, after all. When we came to the Nanobotics Building at the far north end of campus, Javier pulled his vehicle into the lot in back. Then he brought me through the maze of hallways to where the administrative offices were located. After pointing out the door, Javier continued down the hall. "I'll wait for you in my office on the third floor," he told me. When I entered the office, a young secretary took my name. She then asked me to take a seat myself, while she contacted the assistant project coordinator. A few minutes later, I was being ushered into Creighton's office. "Nice to meet you Miss Fox," he said. He was a tall man with short dark hair, a squared jaw and squared shoulders. He was handsome, but the gleam in his mud brown eyes made me uncomfortable. "I'm very honored to meet you, Dr. Creighton," I said, reciting what Javier had told me to say. "I've heard so much about your work. It's simply fascinating." I emphasized the word fascinating, trying to fawn. This obviously pleased him. He seemed to inflate a bit. Then he offered me a chair, and I caught him checking out my ass as I crossed the office to the chair he had pointed out. He sat himself down in his own high backed clone leather desk chair, rolling it forward so that his knees were almost touching mine. "Javier tells me you are a gifted student," he said?his eyes dropping to look at my cleavage, "and that you know quite a bit about nanobotics, and that you will make an excellent lab assistant. That's great, but what I'm really interested in finding out today is whether or not you will be someone I want to work with. You see?we all work very closely here." He smiled broadly as he said the words very closely. It was obvious to me what he had meant by that. "I don't think that will be a problem," I said. "I don't think it will be either," he said, patting my knee. The touch of his hand made my skin crawl. "I get along with all the women at the office, you know," he added with jaunty flair. "We have a lot of fun. Joke around a lot. Most of them tell me I look like Superman." He laughed at the last statement. "Please," I thought, "lose the paunch before you start comparing yourself to superheroes." "Sounds like a great atmosphere to work in," I said. "It is," he said. Then he wrapped up our brief interview, saying; "I've got a good feeling about you, Miss Fox. I'm going to approve your clearance, which means?Javier is free to bring you on!" "Oh great," I said, trying to sound enthused at the opportunity. "That's such good news." "We'll have time to get to know each other better later," he told me letting his eye contact linger a little longer than was comfortable. "Right now I've got to go take care of some things at the lab. I pretty much run the whole show you know. Krieger's so busy cranking out publications that he hardly even knows what's going on around here anymore. That leaves me to take care of things here and to hob knob with the NGI execs." I tried to look impressed as he exaggerated his role in the project?at least I'd bet any money he was exaggerating. I wondered if I had been so transparent when I had tried to impress girls. After leaving Creighton's office, the secretary had me fill out some forms and then took my picture with a three-dimensional camera. Finally, I put my hand in a scanner, which took biometric readings on me. The readings would be used to set the microcircuits in my security badge to my biometric signature. The badge would be like my bankcard, programmed to work only for me. The secretary told me that it would be ready for me Monday morning. "You can pick it up at the security office," she added. I felt that we should enter the lab, get the access codes and change me back as soon as possible?that meant late Monday evening after everyone had gone home. Javier agreed with me that this was the time to make our move. Delaying any longer increased the risks. "I have a bad feeling," I told him in the car. As we had discussed our plans, I had become aware of something dark clawing inside my chest. "A bad feeling that something is going to go wrong." "It is just nerves," he said, flashing me a reassuring smile. "Nothing is going to go wrong." I smiled at him, appreciatively. "I don't know how to thank you for what you are doing for me," I said. He waved his hand, humbly dismissing his actions, as he said; "If I had acted more courageously when I first learned of what Krieger was doing, your brother would never have had to take the risk of removing those nanobots from the lab. Then you would not have become involved in this. So it is only right, that I try to undo the damage my actions have caused." He was not a man who lacked courage in my judgment. He had only struggled with the fears and doubts that anyone in his situation would have experienced, and they caused him delay in acting. He was not weak, or at least I saw no trace of weakness in him. I saw great strength?and passion. Both, it seemed, did the bidding of a heart filled with kindness. There was a recipe there that could yield greatness, I thought. He was a fascinating man. "Stop this," I chided myself, interrupting my own chain of thought. "He's a guy for earth's sake." Then another part of me spoke up and said, "So what? You are a girl." "Don't even go there," I told this other part. "Don't even fricking go there."