Lakam free porn video

Caution : The story below contains several references to motivations and behaviour to which I attribute no belief in their worth. If you do not believe in fictional extremism, or in repeated use of swearwords, then I feel sorry for you and ask that you look elsewhere for your entertainment. For everyone else, welcome. *** The raven on my shoulder cawed loudly. "The bird will be your guide," the memory drifted out at me, glittering as a stream of stars in the air. "And the facilitator within the coming change." "I don't want this," I said, though the words came sluggishly. The whiteness was all around me and I had the idea it was passing through me too, like I was transparent to them. A hand brushed against my cheek, as light as a feather. "We know," the voice replied compassionately. "We understand. But you will do heaven's work." "I will?" I asked, bewildered, how could they force me? "You will," the angel replied and then I was falling again. The bed appeared, Angela beside me on it and I felt the sheets touch my back, my weight returning. Then it was all there, the bile in my stomach, the poison within burning with green and furious energy, the fire that I had put there. There was vomit already in my nose, but I felt it surging up again and I turned, feeling the wetness against my face, sticky and reeking and the vomit dropped out of me over the edge of the soiled bed. I pushed myself up, away from the disgusting smell of the poison, which had seemed to contaminate my whole stomach with it's screeching death cries. I vomited again, this time between my knees onto the dark wood and I saw the rivers of red landscaped into the messy goo that I brought up. I turned my head, knowing that I had to share my dream with Angela before the final moments came for us. I felt out of breath as I looked across at her. She was laid out on her side and didn't seem to have suffered the bouts of vomiting that I had. Her side was moving up and down fairly rapidly though and I knew she was in some distress, but then another heave came from me and I had to turn away from her. I pushed myself up, staggering towards the bathroom. Neither of us had pictured this moment like this, brought into reality the pact was proving to be violent and painful as our bodies refused to give in to our will. I fell forwards; hitting the bathroom door, which unfastened did no more than drift away as I fell flat forwards, smacking my jaw on the cold white floor tiles. I heard a loud cawing sound behind me but I didn't look. It hardly seemed as important as the pain blossoming in my face and my intestines now. I vomited again, rolling onto my side as it came up. The caw came again and there was a tapping as of a beak pecking at glass. I saw the bath and I reached up towards it, pulling my body up by hanging onto the lip of it, resting my chin on the side, my legs trailing in the sick I had just brought up, the smell invading everything. I thought I heard Angela call my name, "Brett?" But I didn't listen. I didn't want to do anything but stay there now, the coolness of the bath was comforting. But I guess I wasn't comfortable, and I could feel that my legs were going to sleep as my position was wrong. I grasped the side of the bath with both hands and as the next surge came up, I pushed my head up and over the side so that the lip of the bath was now resting on my chest, tight there and impeding my breathing but also the coldness of it seeming to reach in to me to quell my burning heart. There was another loud caw from outside the room I had left, but I ignored it. It wasn't important right now. What was important was in staying here, in being comfortable. It seemed to come up from my bowels then, a great surge, burning everything between there and my mouth, filling my mouth with sour acid, forcing my breath before it, the band squeezing my chest hard, constricting with the surge and a great mass of goo and blood and food fell away from me. As the silence settled back in the sound that broke it was of a shattering window, after a second, a shadow fell over the bath moving fast and a Raven landed on the lip of the bath opposite my head. I glanced up and it let out a loud caw that was even louder in the bathroom. The bird's eyes twitched to the side and I saw it's round black eye watching me. It was a large bird, maybe two hands across. "You come to watch me die?" I asked, mockingly. Ravens were a portent of doom, people said. They used to flock to battlefields where they could find eager pickings in the eyes of the dead and dying. "You're not going to fuckin' die," the raven screeched back at me, finishing with another loud caw. I blinked, surprised that the Raven had spoken, but as I reminded myself a few moments later. I had poisoned myself, hallucinations were part and parcel of some poisons and I guess neither of us had researched this one. "Hello Mr Raven," I said sarcastically. "Hello yourself jackass," the reply came back. The raven hopped sidewards, and knocked the shower faucet off it's hook into the bath. "Wash your face off, you're a mess." "Fuck off," I bit back, feeling irritated at the disgusted tone the bird had used. "Fuck you too buddy," the raven retorted, letting out another of those loud caws. "But I'm here to tell ya that you're getting better no matter fuckin' what. You can work with me, or you can be dragged kicking and screaming. CAW. Am I making myself fuckin' clear?" "Shut the fuck up," I said, mentally closing the bird out of the world. It wasn't talking it was just my imagination. That perception lasted all of a moment as the bird flapped hard against the side of my head, switching as my hands rose to swat at it. It pecked at the back of my skull, pulling me back out of my state and back into it's own sphere of existence. "Get off...." I started but the bird had already returned to the side of the bath. I reached out to scare it away but my hand paused, and instead, acting on an impulse I didn't understand, I turned the cold water tap on, swatting the ridged side so that it spun all the way up to it's highest setting. There was a clunk and water streamed from the tap nozzle. The bird moved as my hand dropped away, strengthless and pushed the flow valve over with it's head so that the water ran to the showerhead instead. Cool water began to bathe my hand and I realised that I must've been sweating because the water was a great comfort to me there. The vomiting came again in that moment though and the Raven let out another of those huge irritating caws. "Can you stop doing that?" I asked. "Can you stop fuckin' breathing?" came the sarcastic reply. "No," I refused. "Then we're both fuckin' inhibited, how about that?" the Raven said and I chuckled. Quite suddenly though, it came to me that I had pretty much admitted that I didn't want to die, and that bothered me because I knew that I did want to die. Angela wanted to die, and we'd made that pact. She'd gone through with it, and so would I. "How about you wash your face, pretty boy?" "How about you mind your own business?" I retorted. "You're not fuckin' getting rid of me," the raven said. "You're not going to fuckin' die and we're stuck with each other until the great old angel fuckin' bitch says so." "Angel bitch?" I asked, not really thinking about the conversation, but I was listening. "The Great Controller Fuckin' Devine or whatever the fucking slag is called, thinks she's running the fuckin' universe for the big one, when she can kiss my rose black arse. I wouldn't fuckin' hesitate if I could snatch out her pretty little fuckin' eyes. They'd be like fuckin' warm grapes. You ever had warm grapes kid?" "I guess," I admitted. "Yeah, well eyes is like that. Only decent fuckin' grub on a human, tell the truth." "What the fuck are you on about?" I asked, confused. "Ahh, fuck it, it doesn't matter," the Raven said back. "Pick up that fuckin' shower head and wash your face." There was an expectant silence following these words and I began to think again. I could refuse, I know that, but I could feel that my body was exhausted. I just wanted to lay there for all time, until the pain stopped. But instead I reached for the showerhead and held the cool water up against my face. The strength and the exhaustion and the heat flowed out of my face in a moment. I felt cool and relaxed again, the fever seeming to scream unconnected to me in protest of the life giving water. I redirected the spray to the other side of my face, drunk now in the doped feeling I could feel running through my matted sticky hair, down my cheek and off my nose. My nose burned but stray bolts of water seemed to extinguish the feeling there. Water brushed my lips and as the first drops ran up and inside, another heave came and the water dropped away from my face as my hand went partially limp with the heave. More goo, more matted ravines of blood. "Wash your fuckin' mouth out," the bird instructed, and I realised as he said it that the bird hadn't cawed since I had asked it not to. "Sounds like you should wash your mouth out," I breathed, gasping for breath. "Oh, wise guy eh?" The Raven said and I saw it's shadow shifting as it stepped sidewards a little. "How about you wash your mouth out and get rid of all that fuckin' gunk, so as you don't get infection of the fuckin' mouth when I knock all your fuckin' teeth out?" "Ya know," I said philosophically. "That's kind of funny. You talk gangster." "Long story kid," the bird said sighing. "The Angel bitch says I gotta take care of you." "I thought..." I paused for breath, redirecting the nozzle back at my face. "I thought you hated her." "Oh, I'd love to tear her a new asshole. I'd love to skull fuck her bleeding eye sockets and let all my little wriggling sperms infest her brain. They burrow like mother-fuckers too." "You don't sound much like a Raven," I offered. "I used to be human too kid. But like I said, it's not a story for now." I took his hint and opened my mouth again, directing the jet back up into it. The water ran back out of my mouth leaving the strength of coolness in my skull. I swallowed a little and then as another massive surge ripped through me it ran before the army of corruption flooding up out of me. I dropped the showerhead, gripping the sides of the bath in pain as my feet found their place on the floor, assisting with the forwards motion of the heave. "Oh yeah," the Raven said in the silence that followed this outburst. "I think that fuckin did it." I half collapsed back into position, but my arm felt stronger as I reached out for the showerhead again, staring down into the moving mass of oily colours below. I rinsed my mouth again and swallowed, knowing it was the only way I was going to finish what I had started or had been co-erced into starting by my feathered visitor. The heave didn't come again though and I felt the water soothing my ragged throat. The band on my chest felt a little lighter. "What's your name kid?" the Raven asked. "Brett." "Nice name Brett," the raven said. "You can call me Lakam." "This is just a dream, but it's good to meet you anyway Lakam," I breathed, swallowing some more of the water. "I wish it were a fuckin' dream," the bird said then let out another Caw. "If it were a dream I could dream that there'd be a half dozen fuckin' bitches in it and I could die in their warm, fuckin' soft cleavages." I laughed. "That's a vivid dream." "Cream and sugar Brett. I've had the sour stuff, time for some fuckin' action." "Lakam, I know this is probably a fucked up question as you're not real, but can you check on Angela for me?" "The thin waif on the bed?" the bird asked, with odd compassion in his voice. "Yeah." "No point," the bird replied. "She's deader than moses." I blinked. "You're sure?" I asked, not really wondering why but I guess I just wanted to be sure that she wasn't suffering. "I'm a Raven," Lakam said. "I know about death." I took in another swallow of the clean water and then swallowed again, rather more aggressively, in the hope of provoking another reaction from my stomach but nothing came and I reached up and replaced the streaming handset on it's cradle. I had to go see her, I knew. I had to look. I pushed myself up using the lip of the bath I had been leaning over and I swayed a little as my feet felt for the ground. My head was spinning a little, but I senced that my balance would be alright for now. I heard a flap of wings and then I felt a little pressure on my shoulder as Lakam's claws snagged at the cloth of the t-shirt I was wearing. I felt the odd pricks of his claws against my skin but Lakam was always careful about that as I'd find out later. "You need some new fuckin' clothes," the bird complained. I ignored him though and I stepped back towards the door. I watched the figure on the bed for some time, looking for the rising breath but there was nothing there now. She was still. "We were supposed to die together," I said, although I guess I didn't know who to, was it to her or to Lakam or to me. Everything seemed strange and hollow. "Her father won custody of her because of her illness," I said. "She was a depressive, but she was an angel when she smiled. He abused her when she was young and I know he wanted to do it again. He would have done it again. I tried to protect her but the judge said I wasn't an appropriate guardian." "What the hell is an appropriate fuckin' guardian?" Lakam asked. "Obviously someone other than me," I said, matter of factly. "Maybe I'll share a pearl of wisdom with you Brett before the next bit happens," Lakam said gently. "Broads are fucked up. Every fucking broad is a fucked up load of trouble just waiting to happen. They just want someone to share it with them." I almost smiled but the thought of Angela brought me back down. "That's kind of a reclusive view of the world, don't you think?" "I seen a lot of blood, Brett. Some of it's good, some of it's bad, but broads are only those girls who've lost their way in the world. It's a mean fuckin' place, and I've been a big part of that meanness. I've done a lot of bad shit that I fuckin' wish to fuck and back that I hadn'ta done. But I've gotten smarter because of it, and smarts is what counts," he paused. "That little broad is gone, thank god, and she's left you the smarts you need to get out of this rut." I blinked, turning a little so that I could see the raven, eye to eye. I paused. "Who the hell are you Lakam?" I asked, finally. "Are you me?" "I'm an old spirit," Lakam said. "The great almighty bitch sent me to find you and keep you alive. We're linked together now and because of that, you'll never die." "I'll never die..." I asked, bemused. "Not until your work is done. You've been set a few tasks by the grand bitch. You're one of the lucky ones, just like me." "How is this lucky?" I asked. "Angela is dead and I'm not. They're going to think I murdered her." "The important thing to remember, without giving the next bit away," Lakam said carefully, "is that I know that you didn't murder her." "What do you mean 'the next bit'?" Lakam turned, and pushed off my shoulder back into the bathroom. I turned watching as he took up perch on the top of the medicine cabinet. I looked across at him for a second then turned towards him expectantly. "So?" I asked, feeling a little annoyed now. "Get your fuckin' ass over here Brett," Lakam said a little peeved. I rolled my eyes and stepped forwards, stepping around the sick on the floor. I smelled the rising odors but oddly enough, in myself I felt not fine, but certainly better. I looked up at the bird who was above me now. "What's you're point?" I asked. "Look at yourself," Lakam instructed and my eyes roamed down to the image in the mirror. They stuck there but I couldn't at first say why that was. Lakam was silent as he watched me. Then I saw my own eyes. I'd always had brown eyes, but the image in the glass didn't have brown eyes, the eyes there were differently set in the face though only slightly and they were pale white instead of brown. I cocked my head a little and the figure in the mirror moved with me. I saw a quiver of movement on my face then as a shudder laid a finger on my cheek. "What the fuck?" "Hey, just relax," Lakam said. "Enjoy the view." My eyes flicked up to him. "You're doing this?" I asked, disbelievingly, but my eyes returned to the mirror, pulled there by my own curiosity. My lips had changed too, they had become fuller and if I wasn't mistaken, my nose had seemed to shrink a little causing an unfamiliar gut feeling to spark up in me. The skin seemed to soften and I saw that my wiry thin red hair was thickening into a short cropped head of raven-red hair. I felt the hair touching the back of my neck and shoulders and I gasped as it all came together suddenly in my mind. "Whoa..." I said, my voice sounding too rough for the face in the mirror. But the next words seemed to smooth themselves out like creases under an iron. "Hold it right there Lakam." I paused. "Oh shit..." I said as I realised that I even sounded like a girl now. My face was changing, my voice had changed... I reached up and touched the thick hair, thicker than I had ever even imagined hair could have been. One single thought struck me before the pain in my chest began. I looked at the vision in the mirror and I realised that I was beautiful. Then the pain was there and I turned sidewards, sitting back on the edge of the bath, trying my hardest not to breathe because it hurt. I reached up and I felt the movement under my hands as the breasts became softer and rounder, almost filling my hands, a C at least. I gasped, that band around my chest loosening again, allowing my breath. I felt movement at my stomach, my body pulling in on itself and I reached down to find strong young flesh, entirely unlike I had ever known. My hips shifted and too late I put a hand to my groin, just in time to feel the utter absence there as something seemed to be pulled up inside of me. I retched, but nothing came up. My legs creaked a little as they changed and quite suddenly I knew it was all over again. "You'd better start talking fast Lakam," I said, turning and looking up, my gaze returning to my arm, which was now entirely hairless. "I don't think I need an explanation," Lakam said quickly. "The truth is a bit fuckin' obvious don't you think?" "You... You made me into a girl!" "Yeah," Lakam said. "I did. There are three types of girls in this world, the normal ones, the fucked up broads, and the spiteful bitches. Everyone wants to be one of the normal ones but they never are. You will be normal but only because you don't have the option." "What the hell?" I said. "I'm not a damn girl." "You are if I fuckin' think you one," Lakam said quickly. "Why the hell did you do it?" I demanded. "It's part of the rules of that fucked up bitch upstairs," Lakam said. "All angels newly created shall be female, and you're now a fuckin' angel." "I'm... I'm a what...?" "Yeah, it's feminist nazi bullshit," Lakam said, waving a wing. "But she makes the rules. You're an angel kid. A goddamn praise the bitches saviour. Or to be precise, you will become one later in your life." "But..." I asked, confused. "I'm not an angelic person." "Hey, I don't do the fuckin' reasoning, I just do the fuckin' changing, alright?" "Then change me back," I said quickly. "No can do." Lakam replied. "The angel bitch queen says you're to be a girl, I make you a girl. Now you're fixed and nothing but God can turn you back. She's seen to that much." "This is bullshit," I said. "Fuck off and let me wake up!" "You are awake Brett," Lakam stated, just as my hand found the tub with our toothbrushes in it. I threw it across the room at the bird and Lakam lifted off, flapping around the room. "You want proof? Look in the goddamn mirror you crazy skank." The movement of throwing the jug suddenly kicked up that feeling of sickness again and I fell forwards onto my knees. "This isn't real," I said, "none of this is real." There was a flutter of wings and I felt Lakam's claws on my left shoulder. The madness at him had gone just as quick as it came. I didn't want to hurt him now. I'm not sure what I wanted to do. "I gotta say," Lakam said, close to my ear. "I feel for you kid. But that's what broads do, they fuck you up big time. You leave a woman alone for too long and she becomes a bitch, it's just natural. It's what you call a fuckin' evolution of character, only it's in the wrong fuckin' direction, y'see?" I shook my head. "You've got a pathological hatred of women Lakam. There's a word for that, misogyny or something." "Nah, I like women," Lakam said. "But most of them aren't all that great. Just like me, men are just the fuckin' same. I was a fuckin' bastard in just about every way I could have been. I did some fuckin' evil shit when I was alive, and that's why I'm now a fuckin' bird. That's why I have to do supreme queen bitch's bidding. But I ain't a bastard no more, or I hope I'm not, and you ain't gonna be no slag, whore, bitch, or broad. We'll both see to that." "I don't know if I should be comforted, or anxious." I admitted with a smile. "Ahh, see, you're a fuckin' joker. I knew you were." Lakam replied and I could tell he was pleased. "Why don't you get up and look in the mirror, Miss Hilarious, I got a little surprise for you." "How long do I have to be a girl?" I asked, looking up. "I don't know." Lakam replied quickly. "Until the queen bitch thinks you've learnt your lesson?" "That's just a guess," he added after a moment. I pushed myself back up, feeling the new scenery shifting for the first time. I don't know why, but I don't think I could enjoy feeling this way, I don't think it was ever really going to be me. The main thought that kept appearing in my mind as I moved was wondering if this was how Angela had felt from the inside. The thought was a little creepy but not in a bad way, it was just a neutral feeling. "You haven't even told me what I'm being punished for," I said, as I stood. "Punished is the wrong word," Lakam corrected. "I think this place is more like purgatory for the both of us." I glanced across at the mirror and all I saw was a strange shifting ripple of water held within the frame of the mirror. "You have to touch it," Lakam told me. "You touch it, you go through." Lakam pushed off from my shoulder twisting and alighting back onto the lip of the bath. "You have to do this without me," Lakam said quickly. "But don't worry. I'll be here when you get back." "What do I have to do?" "It's a surprise," Lakam told me. "But it's a nice surprise. Now you get gone while I think of a new name for you." I stepped forwards, "I guess Brett isn't really appropriate any more." I observed. I reached up carefully towards the glass. The touch of the water came at exactly the same time as the sense of being pulled forwards. It felt like someone had just taken my body and yanked it forwards about seventy odd miles in the blink of an eye, but when I stumbled, I found my feet instantly. As I opened my eyes I saw a kind of dull whiteness all around, like I had just stepped into a blank set full of nothing but white space. I turned, looking for anything, but there was nothing but the whiteness. As I turned back though I saw Angela. She was standing, looking a little confused, but her eyes fastened onto me immediately. "Brett?" she asked, stepping forwards. "They really did it to you?" She reached up and I felt her fingers in my hair on the side of my head. The fingers were just like I remembered them. "God..." she breathed. "You're beautiful." "Angie..." I started, but Angela shook her head. "Don't say anything Brett," Angela said. "I want to tell you I'm a stupid fool. I never should have done what I did to myself, and I'll never forgive myself for talking you into doing the same." "It's alright Angie," I said. She shook her head. "No, it isn't." She said. "I keep thinking about it, that's the truth. I'm not the Angela you knew before. I'm not the same Angela who did those stupid things. It's my hell to go back over that misconfusion, to feel all the savageness of our lives again and again and again." She paused. "I know I still look the same, but I've lived in hell for several years now, living with the guilt and until this moment I never knew why you hadn't followed me there. Now I know, and I'm happy for you." I lifted a hand and touched her cheek. I couldn't think of anything to say. "I'll get out of hell one day," Angela said, "I know that nobody stays there forever and I'm not going to be so foolish as to ask you to wait for me either. You can wait, and I won't think any less of you if you find someone else. I won't even mind if that someone is a man or a woman. If they make you feel good then it's all worth it. If I can join you when the time comes for me to choose then I will." "Angie, I don't know what to do," I said. "Is all of this real? Or am I just fucked out of my head?" Angela cocked her head and watched me. "It's as real as you want it to be Brett. Realer, maybe." I looked away from her and suddenly I felt cold hands gripping me from behind. I turned but there was nothing there. I felt them pulling me back, pulling me away from Angela who simply stood where she was. "I love you Brett," Angela said softly. "I love you too Angela," I said and for the first time in my life, I think I actually meant it. Then the whiteness dissolved back into the mirror and I was standing there with my hands on the sink, supporting myself "CAW!" I blinked, glancing back at Lakam who was still standing on the lip of the bath. For the first time, I noticed the mess I had made in here. The bath looked to be pretty much caked and there was a lot of blood there, on the floor too there was a big smeared blob of it "You kosher?" Lakam asked, looking up at me. I blinked, still thinking about Angela. She had said she'd been in hell for several years already. I wondered how that was. "Hmm?" "I said are you kosher?" "Kosher?" "Yeah, like do you have all your fuckin' marbles?" Lakam asked, impatiently. I glanced at him again. "Yes I have all my damn marbles, what you asking a question like that for?" "Geez, take a fuckin' break. It's a term we had back in my day, it means are you ready? Are you with it? Are you fuckin' 20-20 or 0-fuckin'-100?" "You got a big problem with your attitude, you know that?" I said. "Yeah, well all this sick is makin' me feel like shit," Lakam said, bad naturedly. "Can we move on and get the fuck out of here?" I sighed. "Alright Mr hot shit," I said, "let's move on." "Great, fantastic, fuckin' beautiful," Lakam said quickly. "Alright first things first then. Grab yourself some clean clothes and lets get out of here." "None of my stuff is going to fit me now," I said. "Your girlfriends probably got some stuff," Lakam said. "You're thinner than she was, so just do the best you can. It doesn't have to look good, it just has to fuckin' work." I nodded and moved around the pool of vomit, stepping back into the main room. I heard a flutter of wings and Lakam alighted now on the edge of the bed. I saw Angela, still laid out on her side, still as a stone now. There was probably nothing I could do for her right now. I stepped around the bed, putting my hand on her soft neck. The skin there was cool. I unclasped the necklace that she had always worn, ever since I'd met her. It was silver with an equilateral four pointed star set in a circle. She'd told me it was a charm to help with her voice when she was younger. Angela had had a minor stutter, it hadn't really been a problem from what I had understood, but the necklace had helped her. I pulled the necklace out of her shirt and fastened it around my own neck. Lakam cawed again. Ignoring the coolness this time, I bent down and kissed the side of Angela's face. It would be the last time I would see her for a long time if I am any judge and I wouldn't be able to say my goodbyes at the funeral. "God help you through Angela," I said, kind of ironically because I'd never believed in God before. Now I guess I wasn't sure. I stood back up, feeling the soft coolness of her skin, still on my lips. I wanted to cry, but the tears wouldn't come. She was so still and peaceful that she was almost difficult to look at. I turned away quickly. I didn't want to force my grief. It had to come naturally. Angela's wardrobe was next to the bed and I shifted through her belongings quickly, looking for her white combats, I pulled out a grey sleeveless shirt that I also had liked to see on her and as an after thought, because I didn't know what Lakam had planned for me yet, I pulled out some of her underwear. I didn't know if I was ready or not to start doing this stuff, but underwear was probably a good idea at this stage. Make-up and other shit could come later or take a flying leap off a bridge for all I cared, but underwear... well that was slightly more essential if I wanted to blend in. "Alright, bag it up," Lakam told me and I paused. "I thought I was getting cleaned up?" "Yeah, you are, but not fuckin' here," Lakam said quickly. "I don't want us here any more than we have to be. Fuckin' police are jumpy these days." I stepped over to the kitchen and took a plastic bag from the drawer. I bundled the clothes into it quickly and Lakam fluttered up to my shoulder again. Again I noticed that he hardly gripped me because of his sharp talons, it was an odd gesture and at odds with his brash attitude. I guess he might be a little more than what he seemed to be. As I picked up the bag, my eyes found the suicide note that we had left, sitting on one of the armchairs. We had both put our names to that, telling the world that Angela's dad was a baby raping, molesting asshole. It wasn't true about the baby-raping, but he had molested Angela at an early age, he'd done it again five years ago when she'd been eleven and because of my own circumstances, she had moved with me and my sister to this flat. At first her father had been somewhat fine with the arrangement, but it had been dawning on him over the last few years that Angela was actually out of his reach now and he'd started the custody battle because Angela wouldn't go back to him willingly. I was only a year older than Angela, but I had been a drugged up hippie back then, a mess. I guess I still was in a few ways and they would follow me into this life. I decided to leave the note as it was. I guess it'd be better to make a clean break for it. I'd come back for Angela's father though. I'd kill him for how he'd scarred her. He might have created my angel, but he'd abused her and that made his claim nonnegotiable in my view. I picked up my key from the side and crossed to the door. I looked back one last time and sighed heavily. There was nothing here that I couldn't get again. I hadn't had many valuables and Angela had only had this chain around my neck. I thought about the stash of heroin I kept behind the bed and I paused at the door. Maybe if I took a couple of hits with that, I wouldn't notice any of this dream and then it'd go ever so much smoother and it'd all be over and I'd wake up and everything would be fine. Angela might even be making breakfast. But what if it wasn't a dream? The thought stopped me and I felt like crying again. Lakam's talons gripped my shoulder. "You're a fuckin' junkie aren't you?" He said. "Thinking about taking your stash with you, I expect." I didn't reply. I just waited. I knew what he was going to say, what everyone said who were clean of the habit. "Now I've got nothing against junkies," Lakam said carefully. "But you know as well as I do that everyone needs someone to look down on. Everyone needs to say that they're better than some other dumber shit. Well, Junkies are the salt of the earth, quite literally, they don't got no one to look down on, they just lie there until either one of their own comes along and eats them up, or until one of the bigger predators like earthworms come and gnaw them to pieces." "Now I'm not unreasonable. I'm here to help you do what you gotta do to get up into heaven or at least avoid hell, and I'm gonna be your buddy, and I'm gonna tell you once now that you don't need that crap as long as I'm around." Lakam paused. "And if you take another step back into that room, I'm gonna rip your ear off." I paused. "Oh yeah." Lakam goaded. "I can fuckin' do it. I will fuckin' do it too. You and me are tied together now and I'm gonna watch your back, but you're going cold turkey right now." "I think..." I said, trying to ignore the hunger in my gut. "... that that might be a good deal." "Fuckin' A, it's a good idea," Lakam said. I forced myself then to open the door and step out into the corridor. "That's my girl," Lakam said. "Now lets head down a couple of floors." The corridor was deserted, but then there were only a few tenants on this floor. Lakam let out a loud Caw again and I froze. "Can you stop doing that," I said. "People will hear." "Can't nobody hear me," Lakam said confidently. "I'm dead. I'm not even here to them, unless I want to be that is. And you can fuckin' talk to me all you want, they won't hear that either." "What the hell?" I asked confused. "How does that work?" "Well," Lakam said. "You know when you're talking to me don't you?" "Well, yeah, I guess." "Then that's all we need," Lakam said. "Magic doesn't have to be fuckin' logical you know." "And that's what this is? Magic?" I asked. "What do you think?" Lakam said sarcastically. "Do you normally turn into a fuckin' girl once a month or something?" "You really are an arsehole," I said as I turned the corner onto the stairs. "Two men," Lakam said. "Six flights down ascending slowly. One man above you three flights, descending quickly," he paused. "Go now and keep away from the middle." The information was so precise that I didn't question it. I stepped forwards quickly, trotting down the stairs, keeping away from the inside where I suppose I could be seen from the other flights. Down one flight, down two. I turned and entered the corridor just as I heard the voices of the two who had been ascending. "Pick a door," Lakam said. "Any door." This was getting more and more strange by the minute, I thought as I gestured at a door a little way down the hall. "Knock, and let me do the talking," Lakam said quickly. I knocked, just as he said, I didn't know what he was up to, but I was starting to see that there was more to my friend then meets the eye. I heard footsteps behind the door and I turned my head to look up the corridor, aware that I could be seen at any moment. The door opened and a rather plump woman answered the door. She had heavy jowls and was holding a chocolate scone or something in her other hand. "Hey lady," Lakam said quickly, and her eyes snapped to the bird, her eyes widening in surprise. "Yeah lady, I'm a talking bird, step back so we can come in for Christ's sake." Then, strangely enough, the woman did just that. She stepped back. I didn't wait. I stepped forwards, pushing the door closed behind me. I didn't know what Lakam was planning, but he'd brought me this far. "You...You...You..." The woman stammered, pointing at Lakam. "Shut your damn cake hole bitch." Lakam cursed and the woman's eyebrows shot back up, but she kept silent then. "We're both none of your fuckin' concern. You get me?" Lakam continued. "You look at or acknowledge me or my pet human here, and I'm gonna claw your goddamn eyes out." The woman seemed to be biting her lip, then she turned away. "Pet human?" I asked. "Shut up, you'll spoil my groove," Lakam whispered. "Now, don't you be panicking," Lakam said in a calmer voice. "This is just a bad dream for you. You'll go to sleep in a little while and when you wake up all of this will have just vanished like it never was," he paused. "If there's anyone else in the flat with you, nod your head." The woman didn't nod. I wondered why she hadn't screamed. "That's good," Lakam said, oddly soothingly. "Now you go to your bedroom and close the door. You can work on getting on with that sleeping I told you about and when you wake up, all of this will be over and you won't remember a thing." The woman didn't speak, for a moment she didn't move and then the scone dropped from her fingers onto the carpet and she sort of staggered forwards, disappearing into one of the rooms and closing the door. "You were hypnotising her?" I asked. Lakam jumped off my shoulders, gliding down to the abandoned scone. "It's a kind of hypnotism, yeah," Lakam said triumphantly pecking at the scone. "A big shock, and a metaphysical kick to the pants. Knocks the stuffing out of practically everybody." "That's a useful talent, I bet," I said. "Now I suggest you find the fuckin' bathroom." I stepped over Lakam and his prize and looked at the remaining doors. One of them on the far wall was ajar and I could clearly see a cooker so that room was out. The other two, one on that side, one on this. Of them, the nearest opened onto a shower cubicle and a toilet and sink. Lakam fluttered through the door as I stepped inside and alighted on the sink carrying the scone. "Aren't you gonna wait outside?" I asked, thinking maybe he'd forgotten about modesty or something. "No way," Lakam said, picking at his scone again. "You and me kid, we're gonna be close, real close and it's best to start that early on." "Yeah, but I'm not comfortable with you seeing me naked," I said quickly, deciding directness was probably the best approach as I held the door open. "Modesty be damned, I will bury myself the day I let a piece of eye candy go unwatched," Lakam said, looking up at me. "Ok, lets put it another way," I said. "I'm not getting undressed while you're in the room." "Some fuckin' good you're gonna be then." Lakam laughed, although he still didn't move. "I'm a fuckin' Raven Brett," Lakam said after another moment. "I don't get sex any more, and I don't get urges. Scoping out girls is about the best I get now, and you're both well worth scoping out, plus you're an Angel-to-be. You ain't moving? Well neither am I. Yes, I'm an asshole, but I'm all you've got right now, and you're all I've got. So do me a favour and make this easy because it'll help us both in the long run." "I aught to throw you out the door," I said, although I guess I was a little bit amused. I'd never really thought of myself as objectively hot before, and on the other hand, I could feel that craving for a hit and talking with Lakam was very distracting. "You do that and I'll bust through it," Lakam said easily. I decided I didn't know what to say next and I just looked at him and he looked back at me. "Eralio," Lakam said quickly. "Huh?" "Eralio." Lakam repeated. "It's your new name." "That sounds... weird," I said, distracted. "It means excessive," Lakam explained. "I think that about covers you." "You're saying I'm being too modest?" I asked, "Is that it? Am I asking for excessive amounts of privacy?" "E," Lakam said, pecking at the remains of the scone, it had broken up into several pieces now. "I'm not arguing with you. I'm staying. I've got some more stuff to tell you. Now you get started on your own or I'll have to make you start and that will be bad. We have to leave this building as soon as we can." "Don't call me that," I said, deciding to switch and come back to the point later. "What do you fuckin' want to be called then?" I faltered. I hadn't really thought about it. "Saffire," I said, thinking of Angela's fascination with the colour blue. It wasn't much, but it was the first thing that came to mind. Lakam spread his wings, "Good as anything else," he said, "Now get a move on. My police senses are tingling." "Police?" I said pausing. "That can't be, I locked the door." Then it suddenly struck me. It wasn't about the police thing, it was much deeper than that, it was about Lakam. Up to now, Lakam had been cunning and he'd told me things that I couldn't have possibly known, he'd worked his magic on someone right in front of me, he'd told me he'd been an evil person and it was entirely believable, he'd been rude and coarse and vulgar, but in everything he had been honest. It was strange to realise it, but Lakam was honest. I looked down at myself, and I half wondered why I was feeling bashful about my own body when it wasn't even really mine. I reached up and pulled the t-shirt over my head, feeling the stickiness of it in the shoulders. I dropped the shirt onto the floor and unfastened the pants. It was easier now I had actually made the decision, and to be fair, I didn't feel half as bad as I thought I would have done. The jeans once they were over my hips, dropped away and I stepped out of them. I could still feel the stickiness on my back and my arms. I opened the shower and stepped inside, glad that up to now Lakam hadn't said a word. I guess if he had to leer at me, then it was better that I could pretend to ignore it. The water came on, and my first thought then was for Angie and not for Lakam. If I were to believe that everything so far was real, and I wasn't just fucked completely out of my head, then Angela really had gone to hell and I had somehow avoided it. That seemed unfair. I heard a flutter of wings and I looked up to see Lakam gripping the open top of the stall. "Oh, don't look at me like that Saff," Lakam said. "I'm a monster, sure, but I'm not a pervert." "Sounds pretty damn perverted to me," I said, although I didn't feel as bad as I was acting. I guess that was just a part of the girl thing. Girl's have stronger inhibitions, but less of them. "I just like looking at beautiful things," Lakam said. "That's all." I blushed, looking down. I rubbed at my shoulders with my hand, twisting so that the water sprayed them. "So who were you Lakam?" I asked, having a sudden inspiration. I felt embarrassed because I was doing something I didn't want to do, Lakam had... not exactly blackmailed, not exactly forced... me into doing this, and the natural thing to do was to push back. "When you were human?" I added. "I was a thug," Lakam said, after a moment. "I beat up people, I killed people with knives and guns and my fists. I was a monster, fighting for the mob against people who I knew were innocents in the firing line of other major powers. That's about it really." "You seem pretty open about it," I observed. "Is it true?" "Of course it's fuckin' true," he answered, a little angrily. "I might lie to the grand angel bitch, but I won't lie to you, not now and not ever." "I'll remember that Lakam," I said, warningly. "Yeah," he said, a little bitterly. "You remember that." There was a pause. "The truth is that I am ashamed about it all," Lakam said, in a softer voice. "I wish I could go back and change a few things, maybe have killed the one person who might have made a difference to my life, that stupid senseless moron I used to be. But I can't do that, not now not ever." "What happened to you then?" I asked. "Why didn't you go to hell?" "Who said I fuckin' didn't?" He asked. "I did go and for a long time I was there, but the thing about hell is that it actually encourages you to do the same things that I did in life, only it gradually twists those things so that there's no fun in the violence, there's nothing but the pain and tormentation and the guilt afterwards. It saps everything you ever did of it's meaning and replaces that meaning with self-hatred so that in the end you become fucked up and repentant on your own. Nobody stays in hell for long. You can only survive there as long as you have a mind to, a purpose to believe in. My purpose became repentance, undoubtedly like fuckin' millions of billions before me. I found my way out of there, and I made a deal with the Angel bitch." "What kind of deal?" I asked. "That I'd do something like what you are doing now, I'd carry out what heaven wanted on the Earth. I became Lakam the Raven and I've been me ever since." "So what was it that happened to you, to change your mind?" Lakam went quiet for a few moments. I looked up at him and I realised it might have been the wrong question. I didn't know if he was looking at me or not, it's hard to tell, but I had a feeling I'd asked a rather deep question, one that he wasn't ready for yet. I reached up and touched his feathers with a wet finger. "Don't answer that if you don't want to Lakam," I said. "I guess I'm just being an asshole too." "No Saff," he said. "It's alright. If you want to know I'll tell you." There was no edge in his voice now, it was strange. He hardly even sounded like a raven any more. "We had an anonymous tip off that a gang were having a meeting," he said. "This used to happen quite often. We'd stick a guy out to double check and it was confirmed that a meeting of these guys was going to take place. The tipper gave us details on the joint later on, and we showed up early and rigged the place with high explosive rounds. There was a history behind this gang thing and we had a lot of beef with those assholes, and we put pins and nails and pepper around the bombs so that they would do the most damage as quickly as we could and that those who were hit and didn't die would suffer greatly. As I had told you before, I was a majorly violent asshole, and I wanted these particular targets to burn. The bombs were set in place, so that they would explode at exactly seven, half an hour into the meet." Lakam paused and I looked up at him but he didn't look down, he was staring at the wall now. "It gets to fifteen minutes to seven and still no-ones shown up. We're all getting edgy by this time because the trigger bomb, the one that will set all the other ones off, is set to go off soon and if they don't start arriving then it's not going to give them time to kill all of them," he sighs. "Then they start arriving, not the gang but something much worse than the gang. They played us well, right from the beginning and since I was leading the guys acting on the tip off, I was played good and proper." "They came, new mothers, and fathers, pushing their prams, at least ten sets of them at once, and more from the other direction. Someone had stolen all the signs of the meeting that had been put up in order that we be misled into thinking the meet was of these other people, only really it was all these people." "You don't get normal people in the city, I'd learned that a long time ago, you get pimps and hookers and fucked up druggies, everyone fighting each other like rats in a barrel for the scraps of food thrown to us by the men of power, the assholes standing outside the barrel, looking down on us. But these... these WERE normal people, at least that's what I thought, they were men who worked hard every day doing jobs that they hated, they were mothers who looked after the children with love and constant attention. They were innocents in the strongest meaning of the word. They went inside and I sat there, frozen with the pure shock of what I had done, we'd expected killers and we'd done the only thing that I believed I really could be eternally damned for." "I sat there stunned, the group with me swore and kicked off, but the clock was at four minutes to seven now. They broke up, vanishing from the car seats, the second vehicle roaring off down the road. I just sat there. I might have done something, I might have run in there, fired a shot into the air and gotten to the bomb before it all went to shit, but I was too scared. The stakes had gone as high as they ever would and I was too scared to do anything." Lakam's head turned and he looked down at me. I felt a chill running through me. "The explosion came." Lakam continued. "Thankfully there were no visible signs of bodies in the fire, but they were all there in my mind. I pulled the car away, not really thinking about what I was doing. All I remember was that after a while, Doctor Ben Fao, the leader of the gang we had aimed to kill that night came out of a building nearby and began to cross the road a little way in front of me. I ran him down like the dog he was and crushed his skull under my tires. I'm sure he's in a hell that there's no end to now, but me, I have the claim to innocence of motivation. He knew every part of that plan, I'm sure of it. During the escape I was shot several times in my gut. I escaped from the chase, but died in the car down some alley of the city." "God Lakam..." I breathed. "Shit... I'm sorry man." "It ain't your fault Saffire. It's all mine," Lakam said. "I live with it these days. Their plan was to break my spirit and they succeeded. They didn't count on chance letting me have my pop at the Doctor, but I think if they hadn't shot me for that, I'd have killed myself as soon as I got around to gathering the wits to do it." "There are all kinds of bastards in this world Saffire," Lakam said. "Just like there are all kinds of saints. I might be working for the good team now, but I'm still a bastard at heart. One day, the angel bitch will tell me that I've made up for my crimes in my life, but I will refuse to move on. I hate what I've been, but I have a stronger need to become something else. I was never very religious, but I need to atone, and it's with the like of you that I will do that." "I've changed my mind about you," I said, knowing I had to say it. I've never seen a bird look ashamed but every inch of Lakam screamed it. "I don't think you're a bastard any more." "Well thanks for the confidence Saff, but you're wrong." "No Lakam," I said lifting a finger to stroke him. "You're telling me the truth." I paused. "At least I think you are. I think that's a good thing and it proves you're a different person now." "Maybe," Lakam admitted. "But I'll never be a saint." "True, but you won't be a monster either," I said quickly. He paused. "I never told anyone all of this before," he admitted. "I wished I had said it, but I never actually admitted it. I was always too ashamed. I don't even know why I've told you." "I'm glad you did Lakam," I said, then I turned back to the shower, letting it spray down onto my face and my strange chest. It felt strange being a girl, I reasoned. There was something going on between me and Lakam too that I could only think of as chemistry, and that couldn't have ever happened if I'd still been Brett. I really did feel for him. I believed what he had said about himself and his self- hatred and I believed what he said he had done, I pitied him and that was the strangest part because I didn't feel that strongly about Angela as I did in a different way about Lakam. It was shameful to admit it, I guess, but it was true and I loved Angela. I put my hands against the wall and lowered my head so that the water ran down my hair and my back, wet strands ran down past my face framing an unfamiliar curtain on the world. "Lakam?" I said, thinking quickly. "I want to stay with you, and I want to help you atone for what you've done. I won't go on, to wherever I am to go until you've reached the point that you can move on." "That's fuckin' sweet of you Saffire," Lakam said kindly. "But I don't want that. These are my chains and I won't share them." "I don't want to share them," I said. "I want to help you get rid of them." I paused and a thought struck me. "And I didn't want to get undressed in front of you, but you wouldn't go. I think I'm glad of that now." "Saffire, you've been a chick for half an hour and you're as crazy as a native," Lakam said. "I won't let you stay on." "Yeah," I said a little riled, but in an amusing way. "You try and stop me." It was strange but I could see it now. This was why I was going to be an angel, it made sense to me now. I would save Lakam, a creature with a great need of repentance, but who couldn't attain that on his own. I didn't know how I was going to do it, but it was clear that I was going to do it eventually. Suddenly, cutting up through the feeling came a sharp white hot whip of pain from my stomach, it was gone in a moment but it had been there and replacing the pain came a deep, gnawing hunger for something that had a very real presence in my mind. I bent my knees and held my stomach, the water neutral now as it streamed over the back of my head. I could feel my insides squeezing me protesting because I hadn't taken a hit when I'd had the chance to. It didn't seem to matter that this body had never taken a hit, those ghosts had followed me into this existence. The whip of longing was gone in a moment, leaving me there with a kind of deep hollow feeling in my stomach. Sweat broke out over me and I realised that I might have been stupid in agreeing to help Lakam when I still had my own problems that I needed to sort out pretty quickly. But I wouldn't take that vow back. "Saff?" Lakam said, looking down at me. "I'm alright," I said. "I think I just need a minute." "Sure thing," Lakam said. "But just so you know, if you want I can make some fuckin' heroin for you. I don't mind doing it for a while if you need it, but one day I might refuse." "What happened to cold turkey?" I asked. "Hell, that's me just being a fuckin' dickhead," he said. "I think we're a bit closer than that now." It took pretty much everything I had to resist the suggestion. "N..No." I stammered. "I can deal with it." "I know you can," Lakam said. "But dealing with it kind of becomes a moot fuckin' point when you're trying to dig the fuckin' feelings out of yourself with your fuckin' fingers. I've seen some fucked up stuff. A girl tries the stuff and she's a fuckin' queen, a pop star, or a Broadway sensation. She turns into a monster and it's the shit that does the turning." "I know, but it's not so bad," I said, pushing myself gingerly back up to my feet. "Oh, you say that now, but you wait a day or two. Take up smoking instead, then wean yourself off that. Smoking is bad, but at least it doesn't make you start seeing shit when you're trying to quit." "I think I might just do that," I said. "So how is this going to work Lakam?" I asked. "Who is Saffire going to be?" "One step at a time so far Saff," Lakam said and Cawed again. I was surprised because I had hardly noticed it, but thinking back, he had been Cawing, even when he had been telling me about himself, I just hadn't heard him. "With my last owner, he received his instructions by email. They told him what to do and where to go. They never tell you the important things like what to say to people. Sometimes you just have to stop people from doing things, other times you actually have to kill them to stop them, or sometimes you just have to watch and witness. Heaven sees with your eyes and like courtroom witnesses, your voiceless testimony is evidence." "You mean, I'm like a walking microphone for them?" I asked. "Well, in a way." Lakam admitted. "At least, my last owner was." "What happened to him?" I asked. "He went on," Lakam told me. "He wasn't an angel though." "How long were you two a team?" "Hardly fuckin' ever." Lakam admitted. "I couldn't fuckin' connect with the guy. He just seemed too fuckin' strange. But I was around him for about three months," he paused. "Can we stop with the questions now, and though I hate to say this, can we get on with the dressing part?" I laughed. I hardly felt any nervousness about letting Lakam see me now. I guess in a way the guy deserved what little pleasures he could have, and I suppose I was kind of proud that I was one of those in a distant way, but the thought sort of freaked me out a little too. "Alright Lakam." I agreed. "And thanks." I turned off the shower and Lakam disappeared from the top of the cubicle as I stepped out onto the floor. There was a towel nearby and I dried myself off carefully. I pulled on the underwear cautiously, feeling it snug against my body in strange ways. It was stranger though when I put the bra on because my fingers just knew exactly what to do as I fastened it behind me. It was like I had practiced and practiced how to do it, so much that I didn't even have to think about it. I didn't realise that I'd fastened the catch until moments later as I reached for the grey shirt "Oh man," Lakam said quietly. "What I wouldn't give for a fuckin' dick right at this moment. I'd nail you to the fuckin' door and I'd take you to fuckin' heaven in the only way I ever could." I straightened up, holding the shirt. I wasn't angry, but I was a little amused. I pulled the shirt over my head, my hands pushing and pulling in different places for little reason until I realised that I was automatically straightening the garment on my body. I had seen Angela doing the same thing, although I didn't even realise I had done it until I had. I didn't know if it was a guiding hand, or if my hands were running from some kind of spiritual memory, but I'm sure that the knowledge did not come from me. I pulled up the thin white combats and pulled the waist band so that it fastened snugly over my hips. I still had an inch or so of skin between my shirt and my trousers, but I hadn't really been thinking about that when I'd taken the clothes. I'd just thought about what was special to me and these clothes were special. I guess I felt a little embarrassed about it, but it wasn't much and I could ignore it. "How do I look?" I asked, watching my companion. "Just like I'd expect an angel to look," Lakam said and laughed. "How do you feel?" "A little nervous," I said. "But I'm fine." Lakam lifted off, flying to my shoulder, I felt his wing brushing my face as he landed and then he turned around, perching there. I didn't even feel his claws any more, I knew they were there, but they weren't sharp. "So how's it feel, being a guy who's a girl?" Lakam asked. "It's different," I said. "But I guess in a good way. I don't feel half as weird as I think I should feel." "Lets clean up a little," Lakam said. I thought he meant me for a moment and I took a step towards my clothes but quite suddenly, the t-shirt and trousers burst into blue fire in front of me and I jumped back out of surprise. I saw my clothes burning, my old clothes as the fire ripped through them like they were soaked in gasoline. They were gone in a moment and the tiles under them were untouched. The towel rose up into the air, shook itself once and then folded gently back over the top of the shower cubicle. "That's a neat trick," I said. "Too fuckin' right it is," Lakam said. "That's about the most useful spell I ever learnt. My fuckin' magic doesn't work when I don't have an owner though." "Am I your owner now?" I asked, wondering if the word was meant literally. "Yeah," Lakam said quickly. "I think you are." I turned and just as I was about to pull open the door, I saw my boots next to the corner. I hadn't even thought when I'd put them on to go down here, like the clothes I guess. As I watched them though, trying to decide what to do, they shrank in on themselves becoming a pair of white sneakers instead. "To go with the rest of your outfit," Lakam said. I smiled and pulled them on quickly. I didn't have any socks, but they'd do for the moment. Fully dressed now to leave the building, I remembered Lakam's unease and I wondered what it meant. His instincts would be good, I'm pretty sure about that. He knew there was those two guys on the stairs and told me how and when to avoid them. I pulled open the door and stepped back out into the main room. "Maybe I should say thank you," I said, remembering that I had a new purpose to my life now. "I think it would be best if we'd just leave her alone," Lakam said. "If you're sure," I said, stepping towards the door I had entered by. I had barely moved though when my eyes caught on the phone. I hadn't seen it on the way in here, but the phone handle was off it's cradle and it was sitting where it had been placed next to the cream block phone when presumably the woman had gotten up to answer the door. There was a mug of cocoa on the table as well. This time I didn't feel the need to ask Lakam, because I knew that he would advise against it, and I stepped around the sofa, lifting the phone up to my ear. "Maria?" The voice on the other end asked calmly. "Can you hear me Maria? If you can hear me, make a noise for me," the voice was super calm and I wondered who it was on the other end, who would wait all this time to speak so utterly calmly to that fat woman? I felt the curiosity kindling in me and I began to wonder at the person on the other end, I wanted to ask who she was as the voice repeated itself again, still in that calm, placid tone. "I was fuckin' afraid of something like this," Lakam said. "Thought I'd have fuckin' time to tell you before it started fuckin' happening." "Lakam, I..." I started before I realised I was holding the receiver against my head. The voice continued uninterrupted though. I put the receiver back down and Lakam dropped off my shoulder onto the glass table. He put his head over the coco and then pulled back sharply. "Just as I fuckin' thought. We've got to leave right now Saffire." His tone was sure and I could even imagine I felt a little fear in his tone. It was enough for me and I turned, feeling Lakam fluttering back up to my shoulder as we headed for the door. I opened it and stepped out into a thankfully deserted corridor. As I closed the door behind me, Lakam told me to walk away from it and I did so, walking down the corridor. I didn't dare ask him what was going on because his anxiety had leapt to me now and I felt a kind of fearful thrill running through me. Something was going on and my friend seemed to know what it was. As I made my way forwards, I heard running feet and I faltered. "Keep fuckin' moving." Lakam hissed in a half whisper, but I felt his feet gripping me harder. There was tension there. The first cop came around the corner at a low fast jog, he was black and looked pretty serious underneath his flat capped police hat. But when others appeared behind him, I faltered and luckily enough the effect was quite natural. Two thick-armed men in white medical garb followed the three policemen who jogged quickly to the door that I had just left. The men didn't even knock as the first man tried the door. They opened it and all went quickly into the room. "Maria?" I heard as the men left the door open. Two more cops went past me and I called out to the man at the back. I don't know why. "Hey," I said. "What's going on?" The cop huffed a little, but he was young, I saw. His face was lined a little, but they were not deep-set. The cop's eyes turned to Lakam and he smiled a little. "Now that's a big ass bird ma'am," the cop said. He blinked. "We're responding to a 911 call. The woman in that room; She was talking to someone about suicide, we're just making sure she's alright. It's nothing to worry about. Do you know Maria Browisky?" I shook my head, glad that I could be honest. I wondered why the cop was being so open about his business, weren't their rules of procedure in place to prevent snooping? I glanced down at the cop's nametag. "Patrolman Cohen." It said. Suddenly, my mind filled with a sudden and unexplainable rush of words, and by the time I even noticed what I had done, I had said them all aloud. They were, "Bernard? You're going to meet someone today who has a ruby red scrap of cloth. When you meet that person, talk to them because they are in dire need of your assistance." The man's eyes narrowed a little in puzzlement rather than anger though. "How did you know my name?" he asked. "Cohen!" The other policeman said from behind him, at the door to