Gun Culture Chapter 4 free porn video

Amie watched the boy's locker room door for nearly twenty minutes, looking for Red. She had been there when Red and Leon had slipped out, but hadn't seen them against the tide as they slipped out the back doors, hidden from view as the crowd dispersed a little heading for the doors to the corridor that would lead to the cloakrooms, past the door to the girl's toilets where Janus, nervously waited in one of the locked stalls for their return. Amie knew that if she could get to Red and get her to come back to the toilets with her, then they would be able to get Hellcat back out of her and fix Janus... Amie paused. What had he called himself, his other name... it had been the same first letter as Janus, but she couldn't remember it now. Damn it. Time was spinning its tricks again. Perhaps... Amie watched the door, waiting for Red. Hoping to see her, to bring some kind of sense back into the world. Every moment they waited now, J...J... well, whatever that name had been, whoever that person was... they were being buried more and more... more and more... more... Amie's thoughts trailed off, and she blinked. She was angry, and even a little frightened and just a tiny bit confused because she really didn't know why she was feeling so mixed up. Hellcat had come along and tossed all of them around, like they were in a small boat and when the storm cleared and they could see what had happened, what damage had been done, it turned out that they were all sitting in barrels being tossed around and around by the ocean all in separate directions. Janus was being selfish. Amie knew that, but she knew that what he wanted would probably not be the best thing for him in the long run. Hellcat had uncovered this streak in Janus that was strange and fascinating, but also very frightening on a personal level to Amie. Amie had never even thought about the idea before, other than in jest, but transgendification was a conversational impolite subject in her opinion. DAMNIT! She felt like slamming her fist against the wall, and she felt tears of desperate rage coming to her eyes. Why the hell did this have to happen? It was bad enough that Red switched to being a girl. She could perhaps understand that at some level, although it was a concept that irked her a little as she tried to mentally picture it. She knew what being a girl was all about, she reasoned and yes, there had always been certain things about Red that made a kind of sense, a kind of affinity struck with those elements of Amie that she recognised as femininity. She could visualise Red wanting it, and moreover, with Red, it could even be right. But what Amie was having trouble with, what she couldn't understand at all was why Janus wanted the same thing now he'd seen Red having her dream. J.J. wasn't feminine. J.J. was like Hank. He was so far from the concept that it was absolutely ridiculous. Amie hated that she had been dragged into this, but she even felt a little repulsed at what J.J. wanted to do. She didn't know if it was time that was playing with her mind, she didn't think it was because this argument would be too big for it to play with. It was how she'd always felt about J.J. and it was just a common part of her. After all, it wouldn't be Red that wanted to be a girl just to get into the girl's locker rooms, it wouldn't be Red that wanted to play with herself and do all the things that the sick twisted minds of the masculine gender wanted to do with a woman's body. It wouldn't be Red, but it just might be J.J. Amie watched as the teacher came out next, slipping into his room next to the changing rooms entrance. He didn't see her, leaning against the wall; he just unlocked his office and stepped inside. And suddenly Amie knew that she didn't want to find Red. Not right now. She wanted to tell Janus that Red couldn't be found, that she had probably already left school and give herself a better chance to judge Janus before she told him that she didn't think it would suit him. And another, quieter part of her wanted to tell Janus to go to hell. Amie wandered through the doors and back up the corridor back to the toilets, all the way wondering how exactly she could break the news to Janus that Red couldn't be found. Amie wasn't cruel she knew that whatever she thought, she needed to be gentle here because these would be deep roots in Janus that she was playing with, and she didn't know how deep they went. Leon would know, he would be good at that, but thinking back she realised that she hadn't seen him leaving the locker rooms either. Amie had seen Jamie leaving, and although she didn't remember seeing the others it was pretty obvious that they had left too. Jamie wasn't one to wander around alone. Amie pushed the door to the toilets open, sighing as she stepped inside but then she stopped because all the stalls were open. The rain began just as Leon left his house to walk to Darren's home. It came in softly in long white clouds that rolled over the sun and Leon couldn't help but feel a little startled at the feeling of the air. It was generally pretty warm where they were, but quite suddenly the temperature seemed to have dropped by six degrees. He didn't pay it a lot of notice though, it wasn't unknown for it to happen and rain usually didn't last long this far south. He shrugged up his collar and just began to walk faster. It had been a pretty eventful day for Red, he mused. There had been the business with Tiggy, which frankly had been pretty astonishing although Amie hadn't replied yet with her side of it. He'd sent her a text, and she probably hadn't seen it yet. Amie was a bookworm and buried herself in her homework like an addict in booze. She always obsessed about it, not able to rest until it was all done which usually took her most of the first few days of the holidays. She had agreed to come to Red's party though and a party with them was one of the few things that could break into Amie's watertight routine, doubly so as it was Red's party because no matter how close the rest of the group might grow to be emotionally to Red, Red and Amie were girls and girls had that kind of instinctive emotionality built in. Then there had been the whole PE stuff, making her and Amie change in the boy's room had been a little harsh all things considered. Leon still hadn't worked out what she had done to deserve that and it was all over with before the teachers could be asked. He was surprised in the long run by how well she took it. Then when it was clear that she wasn't going to get out of it, she just went on ahead and did it and the crazy thing was that people hardly even noticed. She had like this infectious cloud around her that just screamed of fitting in. None of them had glanced twice at her, except perhaps the moment when she took her shirt off and there was just her bra. He remembered that moment just as clearly and still it had been as if it was normal, as though she wasn't concerned very much and neither was everyone else concerned about her. It was so odd, it was like people just didn't notice her, and he knew exactly what that meant because HE had been there and saw it all and never noticed until later either. Red just had this power when she was in control and you had to respect her for it. But then she had the opposite effect too; she could stick out like a sore thumb sometimes and be equally conspicuous. Leon took in a long breath as he turned left onto the high street and continued down towards the double terraced home that Red's brother had bought. Darren was a cool guy. Leon could respect him for what he had done with his life, and for what he helped Red through. Darren was always there for her, and even let her have her own key for when he was out of town. He loved his sister more than the rest of the family, or at least that's what Leon thought. It was almost like the ties with Red's family had been almost broken and only Red's relationship was worth rekindling. But he shouldn't second-guess Darren. He was too much of a saint in his and Red's books. Basically his house was hers for as long and as often as she needed and that's something that Red had needed when her parents had been looking like they were getting divorced a year or so ago. He was just passing the end of the Luberger's house, about six doors down from Darren's place when he heard a loud buzzing from his pocket as his mobile started to vibrate. His parents were pretty old fashioned when it came to technology, they'd accepted the presence of a computer and of the expensive books and calculators that Leon needed to keep his larger mind occupied, even though they could grumble about the cost, the power bills and the fact that he never seemed to have any friends, although that last was because he never introduced them to the rest of the gang because again, they were not the type of people who mixed well with others not at all like them. They were pretty old fashioned in the way they ran his life in the annals of parenting, but when it came to mobile phones their limits were seemingly pushed even more, to lower and deeper depths. Leon did in fact own a mobile phone but the company it was with had this package where the phone would only work outside school hours except on holidays. It was a good deal; he knew that, everything about it was a good deal, which prevented people like Tiggy consistently interrupting lessons. The trouble was, as he flicked the phone open, looking at the caller id, it just wasn't a good idea for him. "Hank," Leon said as he lifted it to his ear. "Hey bud." Hank's crackled voice came down through the air. "Listen, let's meet up." Leon knew what it was about, what it could only be about really. It was about Red. "It's not a good time for me Hank," Leon said. "I think Red needs me just now. I'm not sure, but I want to get to talk to her before you all show up." "You doing that head shrinking again?" Hank tried to make a joke out of the question but Leon knew that he was serious and probably concerned too. "Red's done some pretty weird stuff today Hank," Leon said, almost feeling like he was defending his decision to talk to her alone. "I just want to talk to her a little and try and see what's wrong." "Shit man, its not just Red. But yeah, that was one hell of a last day." "I know what you mean. Did you kind of see that people were..." Leon started then stopped, wondering how he could say it. Hank was going to laugh, he knew it. "... You mean kind of didn't notice her in the locker rooms?" Hank finished and this time there was no humour in his voice. "Oh yeah, I saw that. I didn't believe it at first, but I saw it." "Listen, I've got to talk to Amie, if she rings you tell her I'm at Darren's, but it might be best if you and Jamie keep back for now. I really don't want to turn this into a crowd. Darren's is going to be bad enough. I had to promise to tell him everything about today." "Yeah, well he's concerned," Hank said. "Darren likes Red a hell of a lot more than the rest of her family do, and that's saying something. Why are you asking Amie to come?" "Because you saw the way Red looked at that new kid, Teloni. I think she might be sweet on him. If that's what's throwing her off then Amie is more likely than me to realise why." "Girl stuff..." Hank said with a little chuckle. "Did you get into much trouble in the locker rooms?" Leon asked, remembering the fight. "Oh, no... just a couple of detentions. I think the match took it out of him really. Remind me to thank Teloni when we see him again. Kirk was way outta control. I'm er... I'm going to talk to Janus tonight as well." There was a silence as they both remembered the match and what Janus had obviously been wearing. If it had rained it couldn't have been more obvious. "You got room on your couch for another?" Hank asked, again half joking. "After today..." Leon said. "I'm not sure if Janus might be better going to the professionals." Leon paused at the gate to Darren's house. "I've got to go now Hank. I'm here." "Ok," Hank said, somewhat reluctantly, as if he had more to say, but Leon knew it could wait. "Give me a call when it's clear and I'll bring the reinforcements round." I stood looking at myself in the mirror for the longest time. I leaned on the sink and cried a little, though I'm not sure exactly why I did that. I think it was just... well... everything really. Everything was going around and around in my head, like a cloud of bats, biting chunks out of my mind as they flew by. Inside I felt like a total wreck, but yet I still felt strong and I knew that I'd hit on a reserve I hadn't even known I could count on. I leaned forwards over the sink, looking at myself in the huge mirror, my eyes were the same, but everything else seemed to have changed in ways I wasn't sure if I wanted any more. I was vulnerable to Kirk even more than I had previously been. I was vulnerable in ways I hadn't really felt the meaning of until right there in the locker room, with the smell of sweat ingrained into the tiles and the cool air while only a few feet away the hot water was flowing freely. It was just unkindly real unlike everything else I had ever foreseen. I knew I was in shock, maybe I had been all day really but I guess that it didn't really matter here. One look at Darren tonight after Leon had suggested the idea of coming here and I knew that right here, in Darren's home reality was forever only subtly changed. I unbuttoned the top couple of buttons of my shirt and pulled out the pendant from within. I looked at it there, sitting against me, innocent and yet so deadly. How could I need it so badly and yet it be so bad for me? It meant too much to me. I knew that, but how could I possibly make it mean less, so that I wouldn't feel so jarred when, or hopefully if, something similar were to happen again? I didn't know. I was smart as hell, and yet I didn't know. There were two people who might know though and Hellcat was keeping strangely quiet on the subject. She was keeping quiet about everything really. She hadn't shown her face. I remembered the moment when Kirk's hand was wrenching the silver from me and I felt a back-wave of the hurt and terror of the moment gripping me, my hand tightening almost reflexively. DAMNIT! It was a sensible thing to do, I was a sensible person and this was not an onerous or unreasonable surmise. I had to back off of this; I needed to get out from under the crushing weight of this pendant so that it could drop without smearing me onto the floor like it nearly had today. Like it would have done if Teloni had not saved me... Teloni. Jesus. He was a boy, just like the other boys I knew, just like hank and Leon and Janus and Jamie. He was a boy just like any of them and yet he really did not seem to be just that to me any more. There were feelings there bound up within me that I had little control over, and that's something I'd never experienced before. Like this, I was a slave to feelings that I could barely sense but to which I had to obey and more than obey, alternatively, not that I'm sure there is even an option any more, I could be a nerd, almost unlikeable, and with little future except university and then probably some little job that no-one ever heard of which pays me thousands of dollars a month. "Are you ok in there Angel?" Darren asked, knocking at the door. He was anxious I knew, and I hated making him wait. I hated that I could do little but sit down at write it out for him, or type it out which would mean I would have to sit and think about how it happened and why and I wasn't sure if I was ready to do that. "Y-y-y-y-y-y-y..." I screwed up my eyes, feeling stupid and tried to get the word out but it just would not come. I tried holding the pendant but it seemed as though there was absolutely no effect. "Ok sis," Darren said, having heard enough to second-guess me. "I'm out here when you're ready." I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate. It was easier here. Darren's home was so familiar to me and he'd been there for me when I broke my leg and couldn't get back in the house. He'd been there every time I needed him and I knew I owed him a lot. But standing here it was practically the same, except that the layer of me that had been masculine had been stripped away and this was all that was left, entirely new curves, aching from the years of imprisonment but bursting with energetic vitality. I loved that I was a girl now, and I loved that I looked stunningly beautiful although in retrospect that was just a beneficial consequence. Darren's house was quite big to say that it was just him that lived there. My whole family lived next door, which was five people and we all had at least a room to ourselves. Darren though lived in a house with three other floors, he'd had a loft conversion and in the cellar a moderate swimming pool installed, and he had it all to himself. He was one of those men who liked having lots of space to stretch out in, which honestly I don't think I ever really understood myself. He was successful enough to be able to afford this luxury so I supposed that it didn't really do much harm. But I preferred the closeness of my own room with friends beyond. I saw the vision of Teloni again, just before he'd handed me the silver pendant. His eyes had been so blue, the reflections of the water all around us playing with the dancing light and his own eyes shining even more brightly because of his triumph over Kirk. I'd been drowning, for one long moment. What I'd thought right then had utterly confirmed in a damning way my suitability for this body-shape that even I felt a little ashamed to bear it. I picked the pendant out of my shirt as I had a moment before and broke the chain from around my neck, just as Kirk had earlier in the day. I wanted to throw the silver against the wall, to shatter it so that it wouldn't ever be able to put back together again, but at the same time it seemed to coo to my mind, reminding me that I could never do such a thing because I needed it so badly. There was no one who could understand my pain because practically all of the memories implanted into this pendant were put there when I had been a guy. There was no way that time could change that as it was purely untouchable by time's intrinsically bound up relationship with matter. Memories had no meaning and though the silver was considered emotionally absorbent, deep down it was just a hunk of familiar metal. Perhaps if I were a romantic I might imagine that some atoms of the metal were subtly changed by my emotional input, but then wouldn't I be glorifying myself in the eyes of the universe, liken to the belief that men are made in god's image? Little gods... what a fantasy... The silver had resonance however; its echo was in my thoughts where chemical change occurred with a rapidity to shame the atomic stability of the silver. I laid the silver pendant down on the tiled top of the sink stand and traced the spine of the dragon with one long finger. The metal felt warm because it had lain so long in contact with me today. Was it a blessing for me? There was no question that it helped with my stutter, and as a repository for all the bad things that happened to me. It stored the bullying, the harassment and the inadequacy of not being able to have a suitable outlet for my intellectual eloquence. It was a library, keeping the details of my past, with shelves left empty for the future. It had been Leon's gift to me and of course, I would love him forever and a day for the pure, unbroken, untainted versatility of it. Silver. It was just so perfectly flawed genius. But how could I keep it now? Or come to that, how could I get rid of it. I closed my eyes and let out a long sigh. I lowered my head and thought for a second that I might start crying again. I didn't though. I don't really think I had many more tears to cry for this pendant. In a way I felt as if I had already lost it, as though it really had snapped in Kirk's hand. I raised my eyes to the mirror again, looking straight into my eyes and then my eyes were drawn downwards to a bottle of purple shower gel on the shelf of white tiles behind the taps. Lavender bloom. There was a gentle tapping on the door behind me and I knew that Darren wasn't really going to leave me alone. I was worrying him. He only seemed to worry when he was thinking of me, I guess I should really feel flattered by him, though his worrying had hitherto been reflected in brief impatience, he'd always been calm overall. I wondered what he really thought about me, because I wasn't entirely sure that I knew. I lifted my eyes from the bottle and turned a little so that I could see the door. "Can I come in?" Darren asked from the other side of the door and I crossed over and opened the door. Darren stood there holding out a shirt and some shorts. "Here," he said, and I took them, wondering why he'd brought them to me. I guess he must've thought I wanted to take a shower, and now that I thought about it I guess it would be a good idea. I must smell pretty bad from sports as it was, and the water would relax me. Leon was on his way over here of course, but Leon would wait. I've never really met two people more understanding. "Do you want to stop the night?" He asked. I looked at him for a moment, looking at the things he'd given me; I guess that they were more like sleeping outfits than actual clothes. "W-w-would y-y-y-you m-m-mind?" I asked, then I thought about the party we were supposed to be having tonight next door and I realised I really didn't want to go back there tonight. Things were just too complicated for me just now and mum and dad would complicate things even more by integrating themselves into my worries. He grinned as he always did when I could make a semi-normal sentence. I guess I too was a little startled at the normalcy that allowed the passage of it through me. "Of course I mind," he joked. "You stink bad and you hog the couch, and you eat everything in my fridge." I grinned. "You can stay as long as you like Angel." Impulsively I hugged him. "I w-w-was p-p-p-p-p-planning on a p-p-p-party t-t-tonight, b-b-b-but it's ok if y-y-y-you d-d-d-d-d....d-d-d-d..." My words defeated me and I lapsed back. He smiled. "A party eh?" He paused, I guess considering. "Not a big one?" "J-j-j-j-j-j-just my f-f-f-friends," I said, meaning the club. "Well, I guess that's ok," Darren said, stroking my hair. "I have a couple of sleeping bags, I'll nip round and get mums too, let her know you're staying over." "Y-y-y-you d-d-d-d...d-d-d-don't m-m-mind?" I asked. He laughed. "I don't mind. Just so long as I get to hear what's got you all worked up tonight, and just what I can do about it." I looked up at him and nodded. "Good. Get yourself a shower and I'll get the sleeping bags. I put yours on the radiator in your bedroom." With that he moved away and I closed the door behind him. "Mmm," came a voice behind me. I turned and saw Hellcat sitting up on the counter beside my pendant. "Your brother's hot." I nodded, although really I guess I didn't really think that way about him. It was strange that. "I g-g-guess." Hellcat looked bright and happy and I couldn't really pretend I wasn't glad to see her. "So haven't you been busy..." Hellcat said, watching me. "Next time you get into that kind of situation why don't you bring me back. I can make things a lot easier for you, y'know." "I d-d-d-didn't k-k-k-k-know." She rolled her eyes as I stepped forwards. "Well, I guess I haven't really taught you much, but that's ok. The less you know the better it'll be for you, because then you'll find it all out for yourself and that'll be a lot more fun for the both of us." She let her eyes drift over me. "It been everything you wanted so far?" "P-p-p-pretty m-m-m-much," I said, wondering how I could tell her how hard I was finding what I thought would be easier. It all wasn't easier, like I had half imagined. I liked the way people admired me for my beauty but the other side of that was the problem that had occurred with Kirk. "You seem to have come through the worst alright," she said. "That's good. Reality will be asserting itself again by now." "I t-t-t-think J-j-j-Janus and Amie are h-h-having a w-w-w-w-w-worse t- t-t-time of it." Hellcat nodded, looking thoughtful. "You've got the lifeline, not them. They just have to ride the storm." She paused. "Who is Janus?" "J-j-j-j-j-j-Janus is the g-g-g-guy w-w-who w-was d-d-down in the m-m-m- m-m-mines w-with us." "Oh..." Hellcat said, looking a little puzzled. "The big guy?" "No, that's H-h-hh-h-h-Hank." Hellcat shrugged. "I don't remember. I've a terrible memory for names." "They d-d-d-didn't d-d-do t-t-t-t-t-too w-w-well, n-n-n-now that I t-t- t-think about it. H-h-h-h-h-Hank c-caught t-them h-h-h-h-having s-s-s-s- s-s-sex and I j-j-j-j-just k-k-k-k-k-know it's g-g-g-going to c-cause p- p-p-p-p-p-problems." Hellcat smiled and shook her head. "No it isn't. None of them will remember it now. In fact with the growth in power I'm getting from surviving with you through this, everyone in town has forgotten any and every kind of sex they've been having over the last few days." She winked at me. "Perks of the trade, y'know." I smiled. "T-t-t-thanks." She slid down from the counter, walking around behind me, scooping up my hair; I could only see her in the mirror now as she played with it. "It looks like you're taking to me extraordinarily well," she said. "Absolutely no problems as of yet which is kind of a small miracle for the two of us. The more and more I can integrate myself the closer we'll become and the more physical a reflection of my perfection you will be. I think you're going to easily be playboy material, and much more as well." She paused, musing and I watched her in the mirror. "I know what you're thinking about," she said sliding her arms around my middle and hugging herself to me. I blushed. I hadn't really been able to get Teloni's eyes out of my mind. For a moment, Hellcat's eyes blazed blue and she grinned. "I think that's someone else I'd like to meet," she joked, smiling. I smiled, though my eyes fell across the pendant again. Hellcat sensed my mood change immediately, she was getting closer and closer to the real me I knew. I wondered what she'd judge me with afterwards, I guess she'd compare me to the person I thought I was and... well... that was a little scary because it would highlight any illusions that my life was built on and that might cause it to crumble. "Hmmm..." she mused, looking with me at the plain silver. Now it seemed as if she were hugging me against her. "It's a horrible thing," she said. "But it works. I will do what I can to keep it. I can certainly do some heavy duty protection on it, but I don't think you'll have many problems with Kirk any longer." "Y-y-y-you t-t-think?" "I can feel his mind. He's scared of Hank and of that Teloni guy, and I guess that's ok, but he will be more than terrified if he catches you alone again and makes a threatening remark, trust me." "T-t-t-trust you...?" I asked, wondering what that meant. She laughed. "More than likely you'll find out. But you won't have any bother with him. It's just a good job that Jane hates him." "Jane?" Hellcat went quiet then. "Who's J-j-j-Jane?" I asked again and suddenly she was mad. Her arms stopped hugging me and she turned around. "Goddamn it," she cursed. I turned my head to look back at her, wondering what she was doing. "Hellcat?" She turned back around and I saw a little fear in her. I was shocked because I didn't think she had any fear. It didn't fit in with the impression I had garnered so far. "I think we're all being watched," she said. "It must be a god of some kind. Shit... Shit... why can't I sense them?" "A g-g-g-god?" I asked, remembering what she'd said at the meeting. "You don't remember Jane do you?" She asked, turning back around. I thought for a second then shook my head. "Because you're now calling her Janus." That sort of startled me. "J-J-J-Janus.... B-b-b-but that's impossible..." I said. She must've been mistaken; there was no other option. Janus... well, he was Janus... ok, he was maybe a little effeminate, but he was a guy. "I told you already things might change," Hellcat said. "But t-t-t-they h-h-haven't c-c-c-changed. At l-l-l-least... well, n-n- n-not J-j-j-j-Janus. Y-y-y-you m-m-m-must b-b-b-b-b-be c-c-c- confused..." Hellcat laughed, raising an eyebrow. She shrugged suddenly. "Well, I guess if he's happy... I should imagine he's very, very confused though." "N-n-n-n-n-n-n-no. I'm s-s-s-sure he's f-f-f-fine," I said, wondering why she was trying to get me to talk to Janus about this. It was just completely ridiculous. It would be like Leon thinking he's the queen of Sheba, and ok yeah he did like Rocky Horror, but shit, that was completely... Oh god, what am I doing... I'm thinking about Leon as a girl. That's just strange and gross and a little disturbing. Hellcat giggled, she must've been following my thoughts. "Well. It doesn't matter now," she said. "Whatever is going to happen is going to happen. This intruder god or whatever he is, he might have some personal purpose for keeping the low profile he is doing, but well... we'll probably never know anyway. We're all his playthings. Even me." Janus... as a girl...? The very idea was just too weird. Ok, I guess that's a hypocritical thing to say, but it just staggered belief. I glanced at Hellcat in the mirror as she played with my hair and I wondered if perhaps she really was confused and this would be the start of a long downward spiral. There was no way I could tell and nothing I could do really. "I'll be back out when you are in a position to talk to Janus and Amie." Hellcat said. "You should try and get them on their own tonight for me, and we'll settle this." "Y-y-y-you r-r-r-really w-w-want to m-m-make J-Janus into a g-g-girl?" "Jane's got a right to exist Red, just like Angel has." "Y-y-y-you'll ask h-h-h-him?" I checked. "Y-y-y-you w-w-wont j-j-just d- do it." She laughed and then she nodded. "If you want." Janus trudged home feeling the weight of his school bag like he never had before. It was almost everything he could do to prevent him stumbling forwards over the absolute weight of it all. He didn't really understand why he felt like this, he'd never really understood his feelings really, no matter how much he acted on them. That was something that Amie and especially Red and Hank could never understand. When he acted, he acted with the emotions he was experiencing, but for all he could tell, the subtle ones were invisible until later when he realised he'd been indignant and smarting off without even realising. There was little mystery about his emotion tonight though, but the cause of it was strangely a mystery that he couldn't figure out at all. He felt bad, he felt utterly miserable for the first time in years. It was like he'd been avoiding the feelings of misery for years and suddenly it had all grabbed hold of his shoulders again. He felt sick already and knew that if he wasn't careful that those feelings were going to drag him back with them into the bad old days when he couldn't eat more than a few vegetables during the whole day, to the days when he would literally waste away. Janus hated his brother. He could turn anything bad and Janus knew that his rotten fingers had not just touched the group now, but had his claws in them. Kirk destroyed everything, even if he only corrupted it. It was only a matter of time now before everything came tumbling down around them and left them all scrabbling for pieces on their own and defenceless. Janus had to do something, but he didn't know what. He cursed his own ignorance. Maybe Red, or Leon would know what needed to be done to expunge Kirk's corrupting influence but he didn't have a clue. And how could he approach Red now, like he was? Like she was... Red wouldn't understand, although she might have done had she not changed. Red was a complex of understanding. Red just had so many problems that whatever problem you had it always had a counterpart there. But... well... this change would have twisted all that, so that it was all girl problems not guy problems. Janus felt like punching the wall with the sheer frustration of it. If his brother had been there, he could have happily murdered the prick. He felt his phone vibrating in his pocket and he pulled it out, not even wondering whom it was at first, he was just so angry. "Yeah?" he said, almost bitterly. "J.J. its Amie," the voice said at the other end and he recognised her sweet tones, even through his anger. "Hi Amie," he said, pushing the anger aside wearily. "J.J..," Amie said, and he sensed her reluctance at the other end. "... Will you do something for me?" She asked. Janus knew what all this was about and it was just another trump card the world had thrown at him. It was the reason he'd been hiding in the girls at school and it had been Red, which had rekindled the idea in him. He would hate him...her... too if she wasn't his friend. "Will you talk to someone, there's Dr. Johan, who my mum goes to. Or there's Leon." "I don't need a psychiatrist Amie," he said wearily, wondering why he'd ever asked her help in the first place. He should have known that there was nothing that could have been done and acting out a fantasy like that, well... just like Red was doing... that was just too weird for him. Red might have been a girl from the start, but Janus knew that he wasn't like Red. "Please J.J," Amie said at the other end of the phone but Janus barely heard her. With Red it might have been real, he was in no position to judge, but with Janus it was just a passing whim, he knew. He didn't really want to sleep with guys, no matter how gay he could act, and well... and girls were just girls. Other guys were rampant when it came to girls. But Janus wasn't so sure. He was confused about himself, about his sexuality and about his role. He just didn't seem to understand anything and that was one of the reasons why he thought there really might not be a place in the world for him. He had thought there was for a time, with Hank and Amie and Red and the rest of the club, but now life was going to destroy that and... well, he didn't want to see it happen. "Are you still there?" "Yes," Janus said sullenly. "Are you coming to Red's party?" Amie asked. "I don't know yet Amie," he said, feeling a little guilty for snapping at her, but even more resentful that he had confided his whim to her like it was something more substantial. Amie didn't understand that it was just a fantasy. Girls just didn't have fantasies in the same way. To them it was always, I love you, you love me, hold me. That's why Amie could never understand what he was feeling. He hated himself and knew that some of that hate was now being reflected onto Amie and was even making her worry. "What is with you!?" Amie asked, exasperated. "I thought you really wanted to do it until I came back and found you'd gone! What the hell is wrong with you Janus?" She paused. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that." Janus kept walking, he knew that most of that had just bounced off his shield of self-hate that he had around him. But he also knew that a little had gotten through his defences and that had been the very strongest part of the attack. He felt more like crying than he had in years. "Look," she said. "Please, just go and talk to someone. Leon's good but that Doctor is better. Please, do it for me." Janus wondered why he should do it. Amie had no right now to make such a plea to him, she'd just shot her load with him as far as he was concerned, at least for the moment. She was in no position to be asking things. "Will you do it?" she asked again, and Janus knew that he couldn't simply say no. She'd want to know why, and how and what was making him refuse her. She acted so prim and proper. Amie had it all and she just acted like it was nothing. She taunted Janus with it like it really was nothing. She knew exactly who she was, and who she wanted to be. He could feel tears stinging his cheeks as he realised his rage was suddenly boiling. Amie knew what she wanted. She knew why she was the shape that she was; she knew why she felt like she did. She knew exactly why she was fucking Leon. She was so fucking prissy and she rubbed it in without knowing because she was just a brainless fucking whore. "Yes," Janus said meekly, feeling a heel for lying. "Thanks," Amie said, and Janus heard the sweet relief in her voice. He could imagine her now, taking a long breath, her chest rising and falling. That sweet petite, athletic body. God he wanted her. She was so fucking disgusting and he wanted her. He wanted to take her and break her and then present her to the world as broken and meek as he was and let the whole world ravish her. That would take her off her high perch. "Well, I'm going to get ready," Amie said. "Red wants me to go over there early and help out. It's at Darren's by the way. But don't get dressed up, it's just a sleeping bag party far as I hear." "Is... umm... is Red alright?" Amie paused, probably remembering that Kirk was Janus's brother. "Yeah. She's fine. She's just a little shocked I guess. Leon took her home." You bet he did. You bet he wanted to nail her to the damn wall as well you brainless cunt. I bet he's mashing her little clitty right now while you're wondering what damn dress to wear. Then Janus remembered that this was Red he was thinking about, and he almost laughed. "Well... I'll see you later then..." Amie said tentatively "Ok," Janus said gloomily and put his phone away. Sometimes Amie just made him so angry. She had it all and she didn't even know. It was enough to make you sick. Janus wondered if he would feel this way over Red now, but quickly decided against it. Yes, Red was a lot prettier than Amie was, but she would probably be confused too, and she KNEW the cost of what she had done. She had paid it in embarrassment already through him and Amie especially but now through the rest of the school. She had bought herself free of Amie's invisible chains of selfishness. Janus spat on the pavement, wishing that he were as happy with himself as any one of the others. He wished he knew exactly why he wasn't happy and what he could do about it, but there were no answers. Just the vague, nagging feeling of inadequacy. Darren's door opened before Leon had reached it, and Darren stood there. He must've been watching, Leon knew. It was touching how devoted he was to Red. Leon sometimes wondered about exactly why Darren was like that, but Red went as far to say he didn't expect much more than a hug or two, and well... Red was happy with that. Girls generally were. It would perhaps make sense if Darren was gay, but less if he were straight. Leon just didn't know. He didn't seem anything. "Come on in Leon," Darren said, standing aside, letting him enter. Leon was a little surprised when he did and saw that three sleeping bags had been laid out in the living room. He kind of wondered at that. Red must've made enough sense to tell him about the party tonight. That was good news if there was ever any. "How is she?" Leon asked, turning as Darren closed the door. "Jittery," Darren half smiled. "She made me nervous the state she was in, but she's calmed down a lot since." Leon smiled. "What the hell happened?" Darren asked. "You didn't say." Leon sighed. "Someone tried to take that necklace away from her." "Oh..." Darren said. "The silver dragon?" "Yeah," Leon said. "She sort of freaked out and Hank and this other guy got the punk away from her." Darren thought about this and then nodded. "Hank is the big guy, isn't he?" "Yeah, that's him." "Is he coming tonight? To this party Angel's having?" "I think so, provided I can satisfy myself Red is up to it." Darren laughed, crossing the room to the kitchen. "You want a drink?" He gestured to the TV screen, which was a large 40 inch one, mounted on the wall. "You can be setting up the Playstation while Red's getting dressed." Leon nodded, smiling a little, and he took off his coat and put it on the hook by the door, shrugging out of his shoes. As I sat on the bed, the dressing gown wrapped around me, I remembered exactly how much things had changed for me. I could see myself in the bureau mirror and I felt a warm feeling inside as I realised that I had been right to want to be this way. I don't think I can stress it enough that it wasn't about having a vagina that I had wanted to change. I didn't want to think about any of my friends sticking their dicks into me, or any random stranger for that matter either. It was just a sense of being which felt higher than that. I wanted perhaps a bareness, a vulnerability to the world that would make my insides stronger, and so far it had been the case. There may have been a very bad moment just that day, but it was just reiteration of the general idea I had had even while a boy. Given the same circumstances with the threat of rape transposed to that of homosexuality, and I don't know that I would have ever pulled myself back together after thinking I had seen the pendant break. At home and at Darren's I quite often didn't need the pendant and rather hung it in my room, but now it was just laid on the desk of the bureau now, neither hung up, nor with me. My change wasn't about sex, although I knew that anyone who didn't know me would see it as such. Amie and Janus, they knew, and they understood and that really is all that truly mattered. Already I had changed in ways I didn't even realise. As I watched myself in the mirror, I saw a hair dryer in my hand that I was running across my hair. I'd never had this much hair in my previous life, sure, but I wasn't particularly bothered by not having it either... Now, I guess I was a little proud. It was like a real symbol of a deeper me. I brushed my hand against my throat, aware that not all my deformity had been changed and I actually enjoyed the softness of my own skin in a way that made me glow inside. It was weird. My hair dry enough now, I crossed to the wardrobe and opened it. I was actually pretty surprised when the closet was full. Once again I felt a burning sense of gratitude towards my brother who I knew would have been behind this. I searched through the clothes, not really knowing what I wanted, but knowing that the t-shirt and shorts behind me on the bed were not really appropriate for me now. When I had arrived at the house, I had been shocked and still, well, still a child in a lot of ways. I'd grown up a little now, perhaps coming more into myself, and I recognised the fact that the t-shirt would have been suitable, for me and for the occasion, but for the old me. With every moment I spent like this, I felt just a little more confidant and that was the reason why I pulled the string top from the wardrobe. It was white, like the shorts, which I guess had something to do with the rejection of a similar, coloured garment a second or so before. I pulled it on easily, tugging it around me, feeling it hold there fast. I crossed to the mirror and looked at myself. I really didn't look too bad. It was suitable, no more even than friends wore on TV. I smoothed the top down and pulled on my shorts, savouring the touch of my own skin again. It felt like a secret kind of vanity. It was as I was turning around, that I noticed something abstractively in the mirror before me that I hadn't seen before. I don't know where it came from, but it was like a second me, removed but observant that drew my eyes back to my chest and the little bumps caused by my nipples. I felt a blush rising as I realised that I had nearly missed it. I pulled off the top again, careful to keep it from turning inside out and then plucked out a bra from the wardrobe to wear underneath, and then I replaced the top. Glancing at myself again, I felt my inner self quieten, and I knew I was ready. I scooped up the pendant from the desk, deciding that for tonight I would wear it. I knew it was just the backlash of all the earlier panic, just some of it drifting back as it had been way too much for me to absorb at once. It was the aftermath of that panic which made me pick up the pendant. I guess I didn't care though, because I slipped it around my neck, thinking that it actually went well with my clothes. I wondered if I was ready to face my friends again, and I decided that I would never be ready if I wasn't now. They all had confused perceptions of why I was where I was, but they all knew the important details. Teloni watched Red across the changing room as she started to change. Things were starting to wear off for her, whatever spell she had had all the rest of the boys under was slowly starting to fade because they were all watching her now, even if out of the corner of their eyes so as not to call attention to themselves. He was smarter than they were, or perhaps he just had the fortune enough to be new enough and uninvolved enough to see what they perhaps couldn't. He remembered the first changing. Red had sat there with her friends and changed and absolutely nobody seemed to notice she was sitting there with them. He remembered the moment when he half realised, or at the time felt vaguely puzzled by Red's openly displayed chest, he remembered the enormous difficulty he had had in putting the two things together, and the realisation when they had fitted together, well, it was amazing. Red was special. He didn't need any more convincing of that fact. If she could make an entire class, including a couple of teachers think that she was a boy... well that was just astonishing. Teloni wasn't afraid of Red, but he honestly really did want to know how she had pulled it off. Then Red had stood up and moved off towards the showers and Teloni wrapped his own towel around himself, pulling his shorts from under it. He wanted to watch her now, to see what she did. He became vaguely aware that Jamie was looking at him. "Huh?" Teloni said, turning, pretending he hadn't heard, although in fact he hadn't. "You like Red?" Jamie asked, nodding to where Red had gone inside the showers. Teloni wasn't ready to admit that he liked her yet. It was too soon. Though he honestly would like to know more about her. She was a little fascinating. "Don't you think it's weird?" Teloni asked. "Why isn't she with the rest of the girls?" Teloni saw the puzzlement that he felt crossing Jamie's face, and then his face lightened again. "Well..." Jamie said, though his voice betrayed his puzzlement. "... Anyone who knows anything about Red would probably say she's more boy than girl." He paused again, and then he shrugged. "Why? Does it matter? Is she making you uncomfortable?" The last question was put with a knowing inquisitive leer in it. Teloni stood up, moving off towards the showers, knowing that he didn't want to answer. He wondered what Red was really like. There was the stuttering, but what would she be like underneath that. What type of personality would she have? He was pretty sure she was kind, but possessed of the self-involvement that most people went through at this stage in their lives. Yet this was a mystery that he would have to remember and to ask her about when the time came... "... To nail a whore like you." The words had Teloni's instant attention, drawing even on that part of him which lay dormant inside, the part with which he wondered if Red somehow someway had a similar piece. Teloni stepped around the open doorway and saw Red ahead being leered over by another boy. She was cringing away from him and Teloni felt an anger that he had never felt before. It was strange and he didn't even think as he stepped forwards and put his hand in the guy's hair, yanking his head back. Red yelled a little as the guy turned. Teloni realised that he was in the year above and his stomach kind of knotted a little in fear. But still... Nothing should give anyone the right to talk to a girl that way, to talk to anyone that way. "G-g-g-g-get o-o-o-off." The guy said, and his fist cannoned up into Teloni's ribs. It seemed to hit with the force of a thunderclap and Teloni felt his next bruised breath all the way. Still, he remembered what the boxer, Harry, had said and he bunched his fist absolutely closed and all but cracked one of the guy's ribs with it. He knew it had been about three times as powerful a return on the guy's investment, and the guy showed every last moment of his breath, by clutching at the place he'd been hit. Teloni grinned. He didn't know if his "3rd person" had been behind that punch as well, but he didn't care. This shit had deserved it. He cracked another one across the boys chin, knowing that the power he'd just used was gone, but not really caring as the boy's neck snapped around. Then he buried his hand right into the boy's gut and knew that he had won as the breath hissed out of him. The boy fell forward. It had been that first hit that had won the fight. Teloni glanced at Red next, expecting her to do the rescued princess act, but instead she just looked completely stunned. She wasn't looking at him either, just looking past him. He glanced down, he didn't know why, other than perhaps that object which meant so much was calling for his attention. He saw the two pieces, the neat clean break and he realised that this jerk must've snapped it on purpose. He glanced back up at Red, just as the mysterious 3rd person came forwards and moved the world. Then Teloni was standing there, the pendant in his hand which he knew was complete again just by the feel of it in his hand. It was pure silver, he hadn't realised that before, and it felt weird in his hand. He didn't exactly know how silver was supposed to feel, but he didn't think it should be so rough, and real. "This is yours?" he asked, although he already knew the answer. Teloni held out his hand, knowing that Red had need of it now. He didn't exactly know what this thing was to her, but he expected it was pretty severe. The look on her face was enough to tell you that. Red blinked, seeming to look again, her eyes bent down to his hand and she snatched it away from him, all with that stunned look on her face that he knew contained little thought. Teloni blessed his 3rd person perspective again, he didn't know how it happened, but it was a massive blessing on his life. Then someone else was shouting and Teloni turned to see the big guy, Hank he thought his name was, kicking the guy on the floor. Others were at the entrance now, and Teloni knew there was going to be trouble. His first day and he'd already gotten himself into trouble. His mom was going to be furious. He'd always thought it was all Mark's fault when he'd been in trouble before, right along the road which eventually led to their mutual expulsion which had ultimately led him to here and Mark to another school in a different part of the state. But Mark wasn't here today, and he had nobody to blame but himself. "HANK!" the teacher shouted, his voice ringing around the changing rooms. The teacher took a step and pulled Hank unresistingly back. When I opened the door to my bedroom, I knew that without really realising it I had stepped back into the world again. Noises from the TV were drifting through the house and I recognised the sound effects of Darren's Street Fighter game. I almost smiled at the pure feeling of homeliness of it all. It was such a relief for a moment to be in a situation that was wholly familiar. I might have changed but this place was always the same. That was something that money just could not buy. I walked down the hall, down the three quarter stairs back into the main room of the house where the kitchen conjoined with the lounge and on the sofa, my brother and Leon were both holding console controllers, twisting unconsciously as they both concentrated on the big wall mounted screen. "Angel, hi!" Leon said, looking over for a second. I smiled a little, as his eyes lingered over my shorts and string top that I had eventually chosen. I kind of felt a little flutter inside when he did that although I'm not really sure why. Then I had to look away as I realised that yes, I understood why perfectly. The rest of the universe hadn't changed just because my internal world had. I walked over behind the couch and sat on the other side of Leon. On the screen it looked like Leon had been winning the game of collective impacts but now it seemed that my brother gained the advantage and won back the match. "Heh," Darren said triumphantly, tossing the controller across to me. "I guess I still got it eh?" He paused. "I'm gonna be upstairs, there's some stuff I gotta do, then I'll take you two shopping for some stuff for tonight. "That'd be good," Leon said, glancing at him. I smiled too, but I didn't know if it was real or not. Leon waited until my brother was up the stairs before turning to me, laying his controller down on the tabletop. He paused for a second, obviously wondering where to start. "How're you feeling Red?" He said finally. "G-g-g-g-good," I answered, half honestly, half not. "W-w-w-well, b-b-b- better anyw-w-w-way." "Tell me what happened," Leon said, it wasn't a question and it wasn't a demand, it was just... well... Leon... "He g-g-g-grabbed it..." I said, knowing I couldn't really start making a speech about today's events. I had tried my hardest for the headmaster only because Hank's father was present and there had been a definite gravity to the interview. Amongst my friends, friends like Leon; it wouldn't make such a difference. Just as an artist lays brush stroke by brush stroke against a canvas, I laid out my carefully worded sentences to form the reconstruction of the encounter. After I had first sketched my way through, Leon questioned me about the details and strangely enough I came back more to myself than I had all day. Since I'd left the mine the previous night, or perhaps just from the moment that Hank walked in on us down there, I had had this feeling of being out of place somehow. But now, with Leon, it all seemed back in order and right. It strange how it felt and I doubt I can explain it right. "So... you like Teloni?" Leon asked when he was satisfied that he had all the factual information he was going to get from me. I crooked my mouth a little but I didn't deny it. He laughed and smiled. "I swear. The more I know about you, the more lucid I can see girls in general. You really are a godsend Angel," Leon said, pulling out his phone. "Glad to b-b-b-b-b-be of h-h-h-h-h-h-h-help," I said, smiling a little, wondering why his compliment stung a little. "W-w-w-w-who're y-y-you c-c-c-ca-ca-ca-calling?" I asked. "Hank," Leon said. "I made him promise not to come over until I was sure you were alright." I had to turn away at that. I felt a little like crying because he really did care about me, not just as a friend, or as a part of the group like I suppose I must've cared about him, but deeper than that. "Hey Hank," Leon said, "Yeah, it's ok now. Yeah. Yeah. Red's fine. Oh... Yeah, that'd be good. Ok, Yeah, I will. Ok, see you soon." I heard the beep as he disconnected and then I felt his hand on my shoulder. "Hey Red," he said, his voice suddenly concerned. I realised at the same moment that I really was crying. "Red..," he said, and I knew I was upsetting him now. I wiped at my eyes, wishing that I hadn't started to cry, wishing with all my might that I might stop. "I'm s-s-s-s-s-ssorry," I said, finally getting control of myself again. Leon put his hand around me and pulled me to him, putting my head on his shoulder. I guess it wasn't really something I would have done before, but I appreciated the comfort, and suddenly as if it had been waiting for just the wrong moment, I felt all that horror and fear of Kirk come flooding over me and I couldn't control myself, my tears came back with a vengeance as everything he said to me rotated and spun in my mind. I heard his taunting wordless voice, from before, and from since the change and they all seemed like they were tearing painful chunks out of my mind. I tried to keep it down, and mostly I seemed to succeed. Leon held me close, pressing me against him so that even as far down in my fear I seemed to be, he was always there and I was always aware of it. "Don't cry Red," Leon said. "And don't be sorry either." "I j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j.... I j-j-j-j-j-j..." I tried, but the word stuck in my throat. I tried to think of the steel, of cool blue oceans, but the word just wouldn't come. "Don't worry Red," he said. "You've nothing to be ashamed of." I felt a hand on my other shoulder and I turned to see Darren stood there. He just looked so serious that it was almost funny. I think it was that more than anything which made me able to pull back, to control my tears which suddenly seemed ten times as hard as how it used to. Finally Darren passed me a hanky and I wiped away the tears and mercifully no more came. I looked up at Leon and a wave of embarrassment swept across me. He must've realised because he grinned then. "It's ok," he said. "I won't tell anyone." I smiled, and for the first time, I felt a fool for my crying jag. I pulled back away from Leon, and Darren took the opportunity to put both his hands down onto my shoulders, rubbing gently. "Who is this Kirk?" Darren asked, and I knew there was anger in him now. I hadn't wanted him to hear, but he had heard. I glanced warily across at Leon who I knew had also picked up on the note in my brother's voice. "Darren," Leon said and then stopped, not knowing what to say. "By the sound of it," Darren said, still with that steel in his voice as he sensed our reluctance to tell him. "That guy should have more than a beating. Why wasn't Hank's dad called?" "We didn't want him involved," Leon said. "Kirk's always been a complete jackass to one and all." "Yes, but all the same," Darren said, kneeling down behind the sofa. "What he did could be construed as attempted rape, Angel. And that means that if brought up and out into the open then this dickhead Kirk gets more than just a few decent bruises, he gets a conviction." "How could it be proved?" Leon asked easily. "The teacher didn't see it. Teloni would have heard something obviously, but Hank for one made no mention of anything that serious when I talked to him. If he'd heard all of it, I've no doubt that his dad would have been there ten minutes later, and Hank would have probably killed Kirk on the spot." Darren was silent. He knew that Leon was right. I felt one of his hands leave my shoulders and reach out to Leon's. "Damn it Leon. How come you're so smart?" he asked, and I sensed a little lightness creeping in to replace the anger. "I'm not smart," Leon said. "If I was I'd have seen this coming." "But you are just a kid Leon," Darren said. "And god bless you for your wisdom and your innocence. But I know a little more about the world than you do, and I know that you can't let this matter lie." He squeezed my shoulder. "Angel, you don't have to be scared of him, you don't have to worry about provoking him or anything. If you won't take this guy on legally, then give me ten minutes alone with him and I swear he'll run a mile rather than talk to you again." I turned my head to look back at my brother and for the first time I saw the impotent anger in his face, his worry for me and I just felt so happy and so loved that I could feel the fear slipping away from me. One moment later and all I felt for Kirk was anger and contempt. "I'm not scared," I said, clearly and perfectly because inside there was nothing but my pendant's light. The pendant seemed to have become an even more integral part of my being now, never before had I felt it's full power and strange strength, but now, it felt like there was a warm sun inside of me, shining out it's calmness and eradicating the black fear, pushing it back and out of me. Darren's eyes widened a little, but he didn't comment. "Good," Leon said after another moment, and then Hank was knocking at the door. Darren pushed himself up and then bent down to kiss the side of my head before he went to answer the door. I met Leon's eyes and I think he and I shared the same feeling of relief at that moment because nothing would have done less good than setting Darren on Kirk. Yes it would open the doors to Kirk's conviction, but Darren would be up for assault too, and to salt the wound too, it would be Hank's father who would have to take Darren in. I wiped quickly at my eyes as Darren unlocked the door. I didn't want to look too bad in front of my friends. "Hi guys," Darren said, for the entire world as if he was one of my close friends himself. "Come on in." I turned a little on the sofa, wanting to smile for my friends knowing that they were worried about me because I knew that the same wish to protect me would be in all their eyes, just like it was in my brother's and in Leon's. I wouldn't confide in them the true horror of the matter, like I had to Leon and Darren, but I wouldn't lie either. I was a little distracted though as my naked leg came up onto the sofa where I'd put it. It was strange that it should catch my eye suddenly, and I wondered if perhaps that maybe my friends wouldn't be comfortable with me showing girlish parts of myself. I guess it was too late to do anything about it, but then again Leon hadn't really reacted oddly when he'd first seen me. "Oh, hi Teloni," Leon said, and I glanced up, seeing that Teloni was now standing behind the sofa. "Hello," Teloni said, glancing between Leon and me. "It's Leon isn't it?" Leon nodded. "And you're the new kid." Leon finished. "Nice to meet you." "Thanks, I..." Teloni began but suddenly Jamie was there, flinging an arm around Teloni's shoulders. "I know it's your party and everything Red. But I kinda promised Telly that I'd ask if he could come too." I saw that Teloni had the grace to look mildly irritated by Jamie's unruly conversational protocol and it was funny in a way, so I smiled and nodded, one meant for each of them. "Of c-c-c-course it's ok," I said, watching Teloni's eyes watching mine. There was a kind of hunger in those eyes and I knew I was the focus of it. But I decided that just for the moment I would let him look, besides, if it was a sexual look then god knows he'd earned an eyeful. But strangely, I didn't feel threatened like I would have expected to feel under such a gaze. "Oh," Darren said from behind them. "Are you Teloni?" Teloni turned and I caught a little odd fear in him as he looked at my brother. I watched them as Jamie came around the sofa and took up one of the discarded controllers. Jamie wasn't one to pass up the opportunity to display his prowess at games. He tossed me the other controller and in his own way asked me if I was all right. "Feel up to a game?" he asked, with a grin. "I'm betting I can beat you." "N-n-n-n-n-not a c-c-c-c-chance." I grinned back, already my tears seemed like my boyhood memories. "Thanks for helping my sister today." Darren was saying behind me and I felt my attention wavering to behind me as I imagined Teloni standing there. It wasn't like the others. I'd had little or no attraction to guys since the change but oddly; I guess I wouldn't have minded the chance to see how Teloni shaped up in a more intimate environment than a locker room. I knew from what I'd seen of him already that he wasn't exactly bulky, but he had some strong upper body strength. Jamie's character tripped mine up on the monitor. My health was half gone already as I fought impotently back against his jumps and kicks. I wondered wha