But I Love Him free porn video

Author's note: I finally decided on an introduction scene that would set the pace for the feel and essence I want to create. I plan for further chapters to involve more plot, characters, drama, and a lot of other descriptions of the feminine world. I sincerely hope you all enjoy this, all constructive comments are highly desirable. But I Love Him The bar was large, crowded and loud, and there I was in the very back booth, hidden from most of the people there...frozen still, shaking, staring down at the table and my lap, my mind was in turmoil and fear, like a nightmare. My gaze centered on the bright gold sequin covered purse lying in a heap on my lap. I kept thinking about how pretty it was as it sparkled. It was a simple rectangular pouch with a zipper all along the edge, and it had a thick slick satin lining on the inside. In essence it was just a soft shimmering pouch. But, I loved how my hands looked when trying to hold onto it. It was so overtly feminine, that when I held it I just gushed inside. It was like I needed attention and wanted to scream "I'm a girl" to everyone. My legs were piled in the soft full layers of the shimmering ruffled white satin with delicate yellow/purple floral print and wide shiny lace trim in layers at the bottom and waist. As my mind raced in dread and confusion, a loud sound rang into my head from my purse. It was that horrid humiliating song "Father Figure" from my phone which had been fixed so that it would only ring at the highest volume. I frantically and clumsily grasped for it...not wanting others to hear that song and notice me there. My long shiny pink nails making the task even more difficult...as I did I noticed my full round soft breasts bouncing freely in the thickly elasticized ruffle halter of the flowing billowed party dress that enveloped my whole body. It made me shiver and wince...yet underneath, in my full black shiny satin panties covered with rows of lacy fringe..my warm wetness flowed uncontrollably. It was humiliating. I tried to not think about all of the layers of satin and elastic panties, petticoats, bra, corset and stockings I had on. Nor, on the way they bound my body in shameful and disarmingly feminine ways. It was all I could do to just calm myself enough to not panic. I knew who the call was from. There was only one person who had the number. I managed to open the phone and lift it to force my ear... the panic was rising in my chest and stomach. It was hard to keep my hand from shaking and I was worried that the silvery, pink beaded bracelets and long thin silver spoon and red jeweled earrings would make master angry when he heard them. I hadn't thought about the fact that he was the one who made me wear them. After a long pause of silence and stillness I was possessed as I heard his voice. Some kind of grip seeped deep into every part of my body and mind and I could not move. Whatever he had to say, no matter how hard, cold, painful, or scary...I for some reason, had to hear it. I felt a kind of cold and hot current pouring through me, with the potential of great agony and pain, aloneness, fear, isolation and hate...and I would do anything not to have that pressure increase inside of me....anything. "Oh sweet, tender, pretty baby, there's no place to run to anymore." The voice was very personal, intimately familiar and fatherly. Each word was clear, calm, real and extremely authoritative. "I know where you are, who you are, why you are, what you are and how you are...every last bloody detail of it." The last part was spoken with a contained anger and meanness which was threatening. "I'm sorry"...my small, shaky, delicate, high pitched voice echoed in my head as I felt my lips move. "That's better pretty little girl." The voice got more calm now, but settled into an extreme confidence that defied any hint of a need for question. "You actually thought you could run? That you'd know what to do, where to go, how to get away from me?" There was a cold quiet anger from the phone...it was crushing to any wisp of hope for my confidence. My eyes suddenly drew very heavy and my head dropped down as the piles of my soft shiny blond hair fell around my face...I put my free hand over my eyes. "Yes precious...your entire soul belongs to me now." And somehow those words gave me comfort, but I had no idea why. I felt some deep sense of security and safety. There was a long silence as my thoughts turned to dread again...and the fear of pain and isolation flooded my being. And then, suddenly, I was startled by his hand on my bare shoulder, gently rubbing the ruffled silk strap of my dress into my flesh. I jumped and looked up at him. As he looked directly into my eye his other hand calmly took the phone from my ear and folded it closed, then laying it back inside the open flap of my purse, still on my lap, he gently closed the flap and pressed the purse more into the folds of billowing satin on my lap. As I felt the waves of warmth surge through me, the juices flowed into my panties and the thick thick pad pushed hard against my pussy. "Move over." The command was simple and absolutely firm. I self consciously picked up my purse and gathered the large volume of skirts from under my behind and managed to awkwardly move to the wall at the end of the seat. I did only what he wanted without a second thought. I was still nervous. He sat down next to me and put his arm on my leg. He looked at me for a short while in silence as I stared at my lap. "It's going to be alright sweetie. You're scared, but you're supposed to be. It wouldn't be working well if you weren't. I'm going to stay with you here for a few minutes until you understand what's going to happen to you next, and then we're going to go home where you will be punished for trying to leave." Now, his voice seemed kinder, almost sorry, but I didn't think that it was going to be any easier now. I knew the kind of punishments he talked about, he was only being nice because he knew too. They were punishments of the mind and soul, the body was involved, but at that point, only as a token of the internal agony already tearing me apart. I took a deep deep breath trying to shake those thoughts. I knew the punishments. He put his arm around my shoulder and lightly squeezed my upper arm. I tried to sit more upright but it only made the sensations from the extremely tight thick silk corset come back to me. The weight of my 40 inch double D sized breasts also tugged on my back and it all began to feel so useless to me...this fight, this stupid horrid fight. Why was I running, there was no escape. No matter what I did he was inside of me now, in my mind, my heart. As much as everything hurt and burned, and as hopeless as things were, there was still him, my lover, my man, my love, my blissful holy truth, my conscience, my savior, my man, my power, my will...my master. He would always be there for me, no matter how hard the pain that tore me apart. He would be there to pull me back and love me...why oh why did I keep forgetting that...why did I keep fighting, why was I so stupid at times? "Because sweet child, you are my beautiful little girl, and I want you that way." There he was, reading my mind as always. I tried to swallow and not look like such a neurotic mess for him. His voice continued to sooth me and I was drawn to it like a starving animal. "Oh sweetie, I'll always be here for you. Your suffering will always be for me, and I will always love you for it." As he said those words again, I knew in my deepest heart that I did love him, completely and forever, why shouldn't I? I was beginning to see that I really had very little common sense or direction in the world without him, but with him...I was safe, happy, useful, content...even blissful. I am his woman, his girl, his wife to be, his slave, his little bitch, cunt, whore, pussy. Whatever he wanted, I was more than happy to be it for him. How could I have yet again forgotten? When oh when, would I ever finally learn? I began to fidget and bite my lip. "There there, Susie, don't be afraid, daddy's here, and you love daddy now don't you?" I couldn't say much, I just had to push out a helpless little girl "um huum" as I felt my body rocking slightly and nodding my head up and down in the extreme, over and over again. My legs and knees tight together and strained from the 4 inch cold heels strapped to my feet. I had grown use to having my knees higher than my lap, but it still seemed embarrassing somehow. It was just another thread of humiliation in the large fabric of what now had become my new life as his woman. I was still staring down into my lap. My arms folded over my large, soft, round breasts, trying to embrace myself somehow against his taking over my mind, yet again. He turned to me more now and stroked my hair over the back of my neck and then brushed it away from the side of my face, clearing a path between our eyes. I felt embarrassed, ashamed and afraid. After a moment more of nervous silence he turned my face directly to face him and decisively pushed his lips firmly into the soft makeup covered pink glow of my cheek...and I twitched with an ownership of feeling and control that overcame my body and mind. Who was I ever fooling?! I loved and needed him badly. Of course I loved him...why oh why was I so fucking stupid, all the time...the pain he gave me was 'good' for me, it was 'for' me...why did I keep fighting him? My eyes filled with tears. "There there there pretty baby. There there there" As I sobbed, the love flowed from me to him. I needed him, for me, for sanity, for direction, for love, for life, for everything. That was how it was supposed to be for girls like me. I was lost without him. Why did I ever think I could be alone? I am his woman, his wife, his daughter, his lover, everything. I knew it, he knew it. Why oh why oh why were all these lessons so hard? I wanted to be whatever he wanted me to be...it was all for love. I would love him and he would love me forever. I just keep forgetting it. My next words came through hard cries of guilt and sorrow now. A sweet kind desperate girl's words. "Oh master, please forgive me I'm so so so sorry now. I'm so stupid." "Yes you are my little love, but that's why you need me, and that's why I love you." His fingertips then pulled my cheek toward him as he moved in slowly to press his lips to mine. Of course, that was hardly enough for me. Without thinking I opened my mouth for him without thinking. I just wanted to show him I belonged to him and that if he wanted my tongue and lips they wer just as much his as any other part of me. He laughed at me impulsively as his hand gripped a large bundle of hair from the back of my head. "Look at me sweetie." As I did the terror hit me again...of course I loved him but I never knew when, where or what kind of thing I had to do to prove my love. The cold depth of his eyes clutched something deep in my heart and I felt my eyes widen and the feelings of surprise and fear come over me. "Let's have a little punishment right now show we?" The words were menacing and cruel, but I could resist nothing from him. I nodded with complete trust and obedience, even love. In a tone that had been driven deep into my subconscious many times I heard. "Who are you?" "Little Susie my master" I said proud that I knew my name, and feeling the need for his acceptance of my good deed. "And, Susie, what is it you live for?" "Only your love my master." The words were well learned, understood and deeply felt, but always they meant something very difficult was coming soon. Something that would make me somehow need him even more. It would be some kind of test or lesson that would erase any solid trace of hope for me being anything other than his for the rest of my life. He softly kissed my open mouth, closing it with his...molding it...using his lips to mold my feelings and my thoughts. His love was all I ever needed and wanted and I was happy to be anything he wanted for it. Oh how I loved this man. He was indeed everything to me, the earth, life, the heavens, everything. I kissed him back tenderly as only a very loving devoted woman would do. "I love you so so very much!" I said through the desperate gasps of my feminine undoing in front of him. "I love you completely master...for everything you've always done for me, please please help me repent... please" And, as I heard myself utter my own need for his will...the pain rippled through in deep waves of many intensities and textures up through my spine, neck, face, ears and even my hair. From the center of my back it went into my shoulders, arms, wrists, hands and fingers, down into my breasts and stomach, then into my behind, pussy, legs, feet and toes...slinky, slithery, strangely gross squeezes and jabs of sharp electric agony. Jaggidy, ugly saw toothed caresses, moving and possessing my entire helpless tender little body. I clenched myself against the invasion from within. He shielded me from the view of the world with his body. Only smiling at me watching my lessons of pain which he manifested purely through thought. "Close your eyes my baby, lean back into daddy as you suffer. You're my sweet little satiny ruffle girl now." I did, and as that happened, the electric monster within me began to settle in stillness for a moment...pulsing and threatening, through every fiber of my body, but not doing anything harsh just yet. The minute I leaned my full back into his chest he circled me with his arms from behind. He folded my arms under his and held my hands, together with his, in my lap. My breathing deepened as the fear mounted, but I tried so hard to trust him again, and to be strong through the pain I knew I deserved. It was all I really knew how to do any more, all I wanted to do now, all I ever really needed to do. What else would any girl ever want for herself? If there were other girls in the world, and I of course knew there were, their independence and self will was a mystery to me, a deeply baffling mystery that I would try so hard to figure out all my life. As he nestled his face into the back of my neck and kissed me gently yet sweetly I felt myself begin to quiver slightly. "Please daddy don't hurt me." It was all I knew how to say to plead my heart to him. "I was wrong, very very very wrong." The admissions were pure and honest, I didn't know anything any more, my faith in myself was blown to pieces, the only truth I knew was him, his will, his pleasure, his love, his meaning, his knowledge, his everything. It was all I knew, all I wanted to live for, and all I ever understood clearly. And, now, it was even deeper in me than ever. And then..it continued...circling mischievously inside of me, circling, taunting and squeezing a nipple here, in one second, and then racing down in a hard thin line along the very edges of my pussy lips another...all over, decisively, unpredictably, terrifyingly, his soul, his mind, my body. I had to let go to it. I knew it pleased him to watch me shiver and wince and I did enjoy so much making him happy...even though it was so hard for me. And then he began to stroke my shoulders and arms with a feather touch...as he talked again. "You know I'm here baby girl. You know you're mine. You know I love you, so be what I want you to be sweetheart. There really is no other choice." And, as that last line hit me, its coldness slammed the door shut on any hope I ever had of escape...at least until he wanted to tease me with a glimmer of hope some time in the future. I heard my girl's voice say, "Yes my master, I love you with all my heart and soul" I meant it, knew it, believed it, had faith in it. It gave me dignity and meaning to belong to him, no matter what that meant. "That's good baby girl. Here you are, in the beginnings of your new life as a real woman. All of the love and femininity in the world is yours to be, feel and know. And, I will guide you through it all. Know that I love you for your submission to me, inside and out pretty baby. Many times you will wince and cry, love and smile, scream and cling to both women and men everywhere for love. You'll do that for me my sweet love. That's your mission in life now, always and forever. I'll keep it plain and simple so that you won't have to be confused or frustrated too much." His tone was a little condescending and cold now, yet still very real and intensely authoritative. "And we will all love you because you are loving toward us...you are MY love, my creation and my will. You are love love love...love love...LOVE!! Every time you strain your neck to lift your soft pretty face and dab it with globs of foundation think of me. Think of me, as you smack your round cheeks and forehead firmly and repeatedly with your pretty light powder pad, desperately hoping that it'll be enough to make you pretty enough for me. Think of your strong handsome master as you brush your cheeks with peach, pink, purple, rust and red powders. Think of your daddy watching you and getting rock hard as you paint your eyes shimmery bright colors. Never forget your daddy's insistence on absolute perfection as you struggle to press the sharp tip of the liner pencil into the thin edge of your plush pouty lips knowing that I want your face to always be perfect. Remember how much daddy loves his little girl when she smears on bright, red, wet whorish lip color bringing out all the delicate little ridges in your luscious smackers which you know you want to kiss me all over my body with, and have filled by my large vein lined, pulsating, hot, slimy tipped penis. Oh pretty one, it'll always be your responsibility to be nervous about looking beautiful enough for me. Remember love, if you're not beautiful enough, I might want to teach my little girl a very tough lesson and make you understand daddy's power over you again, and I don't think my precious little girl really wants that. You'll always want to take lots of makeup with you everywhere. It's what girls do for all their boys and men. You know that now. You're a girl now and you need to always be very soft and pretty for all men. Think of me as you press a dangerously sharp liner into the delicate edges of your eyes, darkening them to bring out the pool of your eyes for me. You'll make the pencil push the skin of your shimmering colored eyelids as you do it. It'll be so very pretty to see the soft folds of your eyes moving like a silk sheet in the wind, under the force of that liner, hard and straight. It's like how my penis manipulates your juices and muscles my baby doll. Know that you will always struggle in fear to not poke yourself with it. If your beauty routine isn't dangerous at all how do I know that you struggle with it, and love to be pretty for me sweetheart?" He chuckled at that, knowing that I'm still a bit self conscious and nervous with my makeup every day. He knows I'll worry a lot about how to do it just right for him. And still he went on. "Remember to always wear lots of your shimmering, jangling jewelry too baby. Never forget the many potent and strange floral perfumes I chose for you. I want you to always be drenched in one of them for me so that people will have no choice but to turn their heads and notice you when you walk into any room. You want the men to feel like slamming you into the wall with their penises pretty darling, and you want the women to laugh at your extreme insecurities. I always want you to need me to think that you're pretty. Think of me as you stroke globs of thick black mascara onto every long tender full extended fake lash that surrounds those huge beautiful blue eyes of yours. Always think of me with every flutter of silk and satin that caresses your body, every ruffle, strap, belt, harness, binding and rubbery pussy and ass filling that I push into the soft folds of your milky white flesh. Remember me loving you when you feel every muscle in your legs straining from the force of your hard, solid, thin, gold spike heel into the hardwood floor beneath you. Your spike baby doll, your shoes, your foot...fell it! Feel my familiar coldness like dripping ice in you as you're forced to walk over that floor in those heels, bouncing and smiling me and my associates, dancing, serving me food and drink, trying so hard not to wince, trip or fall, or even begin to look tired as you work for us, all night long. Remember me telling you what I insisted you wear when you see that shoe strapped painfully tight to your tender little ankles with those pretty shimmery satin and lace ribbons. Remember me at the end of every long night, when the pain in your legs forces you to curse the horrid straps which hold that evil shoe firmly to your little foot with no hope of even a sliver of space to for relief from its power to stretch your pretty legs mercilessly. And, my beautiful helpless little darling, remember me when your whole body is forced into its most femininely posture, erect, with your back arched, your plump round 'please squeeze and spank me' ass and your obscenely large bouncing boobies. Maybe sometimes I'll even make your disgustingly large nipples very visible too. Won't that be sweet honey?" That comment made me wince. "Remember me as people stare and laugh at you, while your pussy clenches and cries its lovely slippery tears into your feminine napkin. You'll always need that now because you're such a drippy little whore sometimes. You'll need to stay fresh and sweet for me. You'll know I'm with you when all of your insecurities make you pout, or cause you to walk with your elbows held into your sides with your hands dangling mindlessly. When you're scared and insecure, which will be very often, it will be easier for you to breath when you are able to stay safe in small spaces, like dark corners, away from people. You'll feel very shy and comfortable in hiding a lot, but we won't always let you my love. It's hard to grow up sometimes. You'll often like to lower your head and gaze too in order to show your insecurity to others who might hurt you. Or, you may fell nice doing curtseys for people, stooping at the knees or holding your midsection with crossed arms in order to try and make yourself look as small as possible for people. You'll feel better when you're cowering, unsure, or feel your heart pounding and your head screaming to try and run away. You'll know that those will be the times when it'll be good to have a strong man or dominant woman nearby to help you understand what most people know instinctively. Think of how you'll need my love when that happens sweet one. And, I'll be there to help you darling. You're afraid, and I'll make you feel safe." And he rubbed my arms tenderly up and down brushing my breast knowingly...and a bit slowly to watch my reaction. I gasped and jumped a little as he let out a soft self fulfilled laugh. "You'll love to walk tall in your heels for all the men to see. You will be proud of looking like a slut with your back arched in desperation, your behind and breasts pushed out, all round, soft and firm. You do know baby that a girl's behind is really the way which she draws attention to her front, that tight, little, wet, hot pussy of hers, needing to be filled deep and painfully full, all of the way up into your sweet tummy my sweet one. Sometimes, you'll feel like it's almost going to break your little back." I could hear the smile in his voice as he said that. "You will feel better if we always know your feelings of self doubt, loneliness, insecurity and helplessness, and the extreme needs that possess you. You will live for the desire to be seen as a loud and stupid flower of love. You just won't be able to help it and so you will want all of us to love you for it, and so you'll always be extremely kind, vulnerably open, sweet and caring to everyone...because..." I was sobbing quietly now. "Because my sweet little baby doll, that's the only thing you are living for now, that's your whole role in life...to love and be loved and to be there for me, and everybody else, for whatever we want, even at your own expense. You are a servant of love and need, kindness and giving, and you will give us all of yourself, your beauty, your passion, your dignity, your humiliation, your dreams, your love and your soul...my sweeeet helpless little thing." And he continued to kiss me softly as I had no choice but to hear and believe every word as I sank further and further into my helpless dilemma...and into having to accept it completely. And still, even though I had completely accepted everything, he continued because he wanted me to see that I knew nothing about the real depths of his power, vision and intelligence. He made sure that I understood clearly that the rest of my life would unfold only from his will, and for it...in unimagined ways. Every time you swoop, kneel, stumble, step, grab, turn, or sweep your smiling tender body in the sight of others, you will remember and believe that your entire mission is to hope that others will love you, so that you can be happy. You will believe that your happiness depends on theirs. Everything you wear and how you move must scream for attention and even become extremely sensual and nearly painful reminders of your inability to do anything but quiver for those who want you. When this happens you will remember your purpose. Every feather, bead, sequin, rope and chain you wear or are bound in, feel, dance in, quiver or rejoice in, smile stupidly and proudly in...will all be you, you for me, my little sweet helpless girl. You love me so much now don't you baby?" I could only nod as I tried to empty my tears. "Ohhhhh daddy!!" I sighed deeply. I was trying not to shake as my heart opened entirely to him then. Of course he again had me entirely, all of me, forever. What else could I, would I, ever be? The world badly needs good big girls and women like me, LADIES, love girls for daddys. Men want women who will need love and surrender to them. People always crave delicacy, quivering, screaming and release. I can do that, I said to myself joyously! And, I can be that girl for him, and for everybody else, proudly and completely. I can be loving, devoted and determined to always be a woman or girl, for him. That's me, always and forever, for the rest of my life...I PROMISE. And, as those thoughts rolled through my mind...my body shuddered intensely, and his hands dug tightly into my arms and he pressed his kisses into the back of my neck which showed how much he loved me. I was whole once again. Oceans of waves of soft orgasm became who I was, blissful, floating, right there in front of him, in public, free, proud, loved, pulsating, giving...in completeness, with all of my femininity, I was owned, deeply happy, needed, and appreciated. "Thaaaaaaaat's it my love...I'm fucking your whole body right now, inside of you with my mind. You feel me possess and control everything about you darling, give it all to me now, that's it my love, that's it beautiful. Be daddy's little girl always. Your daddy will always be here to love you, my fucked up little flower. Feel daddy's power, daddy's love, love daddy baby, give yourself to me, need me, give your soul to me. Need me. Trust me, forever." His words made me whole in every way, I needed nothing now but to know I was his forever, no matter what. Then, in the middle of a long silence, after I began to relax from the exhaust of my convulsions, he said calmly, "You really humiliated yourself in your pretty ruffled satin for your daddy baby. It was so good for all those people to see how stupid you really are, how much you need me." And, I opened my eyes to see a lot of half horrified men and women staring right at me in disgust. "Dance for us now little flower. Go out on that floor and take the strongest man in this room with your need. Dance hard for us all baby doll." It had such a cruel and cold sound to it, but I owned it completely and wanted to obey him badly. Of course, of course, of course, OF COURSE!...never ever ever far away...there would always be pain, the cost of my love, the cost of my attention, the cost of my safety...pain, dependence...and need, in a never ending torment of uncertainty about love. Why oh why...did I ever forget? I will try so hard to remember now always. I have no life, no self, I am his puppet, for whatever pleases him, whenever, wherever or however. I am his, wholly, happily...and with every recognition of the deep price of that!! Chapter 2, going home saying I'm sorry to the others.