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Trudy Goes To School The rest of my time in France was largely uneventful. I managed to avoid Stuart's advances as I had promised Vanessa I would, but Elie did manage to invade my bed and my body frequently. Actually I came to terms with my intersex state and began to enjoy sex with a woman. Elie was a good teacher and with the hormones now swelling my breasts and reducing my penis and testes, sex with Elie was perfect for me. Her expert fingers and use of her tongue on my breasts as well as playing with her slim fingers in my anus would make me orgasm. Elie loved making me reach that state, giggled like a maniac as I arched my back and writhed, begging her to stop as shivers of ecstasy ran through my body. My breasts had truly blossomed with the oestrogen and I had also started to take another hormone which reduced and blocked testosterone. Thus my facial hair was no more than baby fluff. I was very relieved. I returned from France with twice as much luggage as I went with. My haul from the various fashion houses was eight dresses, a suit, underwear, nighties and negligees and10 pairs of shoes. Not only was this an enormous wardrobe for any sixteen year old girl, it was all of the best quality. Sometimes I would just sit on my bed in France and look at the bulging wardrobe. I was so lucky, and the small favours I had done with Vanessa's contacts had been worthwhile and added to my education. Mother was somewhat amazed on my return to see the wealth that I brought with me. Father and mother bought me a new closet to keep my clothes in. At the beginning of September, I had my sixteenth birthday. This was to be a coming out day, no longer hiding my change, all my relatives were invited as well as local friends and three of my schoolboy friends. They came mostly out of curiosity, I felt. Peter, or Poggy as he had been known,,because his initials were POG, smirked and asked very personal questions about my physical state. He was very knowledgeable about girls, having two teenage sisters. After his initial smirking questions, he became really kind when he realised that I had always been like this even though I had tried to be a boy and had joined in all the sports etc. at school. He said he realised now that all the signs were there but they had dismissed them, the plucked eyebrows, the eagerness to learn to dance, the personal hygiene and the occasional traces of make- up. On the whole the party was a success. At least I was now out there. When I returned to school as a girl, I would have at least three boys on my side. Girls had been taken in the sixth form for the last ten years. It was arranged that I would live with the housemaster and his wife in the same boarding house that I had been in before, so that I would at least have friends around me. The girls were only day pupils as there was as yet no female dormitory, but at least my education was going to have some sort of stability and I would have my own room to sleep and study in. Father and mother drove me back to school the second week in September. Before going to the House, we stopped in town to buy my uniform. The outfitter knew exactly what I required and of course there were some thirty girls who would have had to buy their uniforms as well as me. The girls wore the same blazer as the boys, but with buttons reversed, purple with the usual badge pocket, and a grey skirt. The blouses were white with a slight puff to the sleeve, elbow length, and buttoned to the neck. Instead of a tie, girls had a cravat similar to those worn by police women, in purple and white squares. I loved trying this staid uniform on and mother cried when I emerged from the dressing room fully kitted out. Like all girls, I chose shoes with as much heel as I could get away with, but they were a far cry from the glamorous shoes I had been given in Paris. We were allowed to wear our own underwear, but it had to be white, and either stockings or tights. Most I had been informed by the school, wore tights, but I chose to have mostly stockings and we had purchased some very lovely suspender belts as well as a fully boned basque to wear under the one grown up gown I was allowed. I had brought the red one with the matching shoes which Hugo had given me. The housemaster's wife showed me to my room. They had had it decorated in white, but there were pink and blue flowers stencilled into the white painted walls. It was large enough to have a desk for me to work at and my laptop computer settled on to it nicely. It also had a small shower room and a loo. It was perfect and I thanked the Housemaster and his wife. I would take all my meals with the boarders in the refectory, I was told, and he added that if anything was amiss, I was not to hesitate to tell him. "After all, boys will be boys," he said. And some boys will be girls, I thought. My parents departed after they had had tea with the headmaster. Mother was a little tearful, but father seemed to have so much faith in me. After they had gone, I had two hours before supper to change into my new uniform. I knew that although skirts were supposed to be just below the knee, most girls succeeded in getting away with two or three inches above. I set to raising the hem, using some Wonderweb to fix it which is ironed on to activate the glue. I dressed in my new school uniform. The skirt now looked like I had seen the girls wear. I loved the blouse and even the cravat. Black stockings and my shoes with two inch heels completed the uniform. My hair was in my sleek bob and I had used just enough makeup not to be so noticeable that I would be told to wash it off. My nails were buffed and clear varnished. I descended the stairs and knocked on the housemaster's lounge door. I entered and found them both sitting there. Elspeth, the wife came forward to inspect me, twirled me around to see my back. "Very nice dear, but be careful with makeup, at least in school hours." "Yes Mrs Henderson, of course." "Are you ready to go to supper?" asked Mr Henderson. "Can you make your own way, or do you want Mrs Henderson to escort you?" "I have to make it on my own. The sooner I show my face, the sooner they will get used to me." "Off you go then. Let us know when you are back so we can lock up." I promised to do so. I crossed the quadrangle to the refectory. There was a steady stream of boys going in that direction. Some looked at me curiously, others seemed not to see me at all, but of course I was the only girl until the girls attended in school hours tomorrow. It had been suggested that I wear trousers, but I refused. I was determined to be completely female, true to myself, whatever happened. I spotted Peter, Dick and Wally sitting together. After I collected my selection from the self service, I carried my tray over to their table. Wally was the first to see me. 'You've some guts, I'll say that. How is it over there with the Henderson's?" "It's fine. A nice room and they seem very kind. How are you all?" Richard peered at me through his Health Service spectacles. "So, are you wearing the full outfit?" "What do you mean?" "Well, underwear and everything. Must be funny, you know, pretending all the time that you are a girl." Peter shook his head sadly. "You are a nitwit, Dick. Thought you had grasped it by now. She thinks she is a girl, in her head, so whatever her body is like, she is doing what fits with her brain. Can't you grasp that." "So, I treat you just like I would a girl? Is that what you are all saying?" "Please," I said as Peter and Wally nodded. "OK'. Dick's hand was under my skirt and feeling my stocking top. "Wow, it's all silky up there. Suspenders! Wow!" He withdrew his hand as I threatened to slap him. "Don't ever do that again," I said, "because next time I will slap you." "Don't be a prat, Dick," said Peter. "Dick by name and dick by nature," said Wally. "Just a bit of fun," said Dick. "Trudy will have to get used to worse than that, won't she? Anyway, I might do that to any girl I sat with if I thought they could take a joke." "Are you sure your father is a vicar?" I asked Dick. "Vicar's sons are always the worst," said Wally, "Look it is up to us to look after her. You know what some of these sex starved twits are like." "Course we will," said Peter, "must be a funny situation for you. Can't imagine it myself." "Nor any of us," said the others. We had finished our meal and it was time to go. There were a few stares and whispers in the room. "C'mon," said Wally, "time to go our separate ways." He took my hand publicly and escorted me to the tray depository where we disposed of our dirty dishes and leftovers. I let myself into the Henderson's and knocked on their lounge door, entering when they said come in. "You don't need to knock every time you come in. This is your home too. How did supper go?" "It was OK. A few sniggers and looks, but that is to be expected." "Are you happy to be here?" "Happier than I have been for the past 5 years pretending to be a boy. I am not embarrassed by their sniggers, because I now feel more complete." "Good for you. You can sit with us if you like, er Trudy." "Thank you, but I think I will go up and get myself ready for tomorrow. That will be a hard day for me and I need to be wide awake." They said goodnight and I was free to go. In my room I put out my clothes for the morning. I showered and put on my nightdress, then I was in bed. I had never been happier. I was awoken by my alarm clock. I stretched, luxuriating in my silk nightdress and smiling at the day ahead. I was confident that no matter what, I could deal with the boys, I knew how to hurt them, but the girls, that might be a different matter. I dressed carefully and used just a little make up, mascara and a natural coloured lipstick and the faintest amount of eyebrow pencil. I studied my reflection and saw a quite sexy schoolgirl looking back at me. My skirt appeared a little shorter than I thought it would be, so I undid the waist button and let it ride down my hips as far as it would go. My stockings were immaculate as were my shoes. The cravat was pinned correctly. I was ready. Breakfast was uneventful, yes there were a few sniggers, even a slap on my rear from a fourth former, but Johnson one of the upper sixth prefects took him aside. I ignored any whispers. As I was leaving to collect my bag and books, James Sanson said in a low voice, "Fuckin" fairies allowed in here now." "You only say that because I turned you down last night, Jamie." I said, ruffling his hair. His companions all laughed and James turned bright red. "That'll teach you James," said one of his mates. I left the refectory head erect, remembering my deportment lessons from Vanessa. It was as I was passing out of the door that I saw Stuart arriving. We passed in the doorway saying hello to each other.I smiled my best smile at him, not wishing to hurt him. I took my place with the rest of my lower sixth in the hall for assembly at quarter to nine. As sixth formers, we had chairs on the rear stage, while the head and teachers were ranged on the stage at the opposite end of the hall. I had deliberately not sat with my friends as I did not want to embarrass them. I found myself next to Stuart who had somehow inserted himself between me and one of the girls. All the girls in the lower sixth were of course new to the school, so knew nothing of my history. I wondered how long it would take them to find out, or rather, before one of the boys dished the dirt on me. After a hymn, prayers and a short speech and announcements from the head, we headed off to our various classes. A little girl attached herself to me saying, "I don't know where I am supposed to be. Do you?" "What lesson is first on your timetable?" I asked her. "History," she replied, waving a piece of paper at me. "Me too, stick with me. I'm Trudy Nash. Who are you?" "Sam Kydd. I used to be at school in London, but dad moved up here to work. So are you new too? Oh you must be, we all are. How do you know your way around so well?" "I'll tell you later. We can lunch together if you like." "Brill. I'm feeling less scared already." "Here we are then Sam. This is the room we use for geography and history. What other subjects are you doing?" "Maths, physics and chemistry. What about you Trudy?" "Me too. Super." We did not have a chance to talk until lunch. Little Sam had turned into my shadow, but I didn't mind. She was a nice girl. I found it surprising that although we had mixed sex classes, the boys and girls more or less segregated themselves. My old pals now seemed like different creatures. Sam and I chattered with the other girls at break, while the boys went off to kick a ball about or even play fives. I felt really at home. I hitched my skirt up as I observed the other girls" skirts were just as short. I also saw some shoes more fashionable than mine and resolved to buy some new ones as soon as I could. Sam and I went to lunch together. I saw my friends together at another table and Stuart had joined them. We sat with two other girls from our class, Jenny and Savannah. Sam asked again how I knew so much about the school? "I was here before," I replied. "So is this your second year in this class?" "No, I was a boy, now I'm a girl." I watched her face as her brain tried to deal with this news. The other two girls also tried to focus. "Wha', you mean.......you were a boy, now you are a girl?" "Yes. I was a border here. Now I stay with the Hendersons." "Ooh er," said Savannah, "but you are so beautiful. I wouldn't have guessed. So don't the school mind?" "They don't seem to. Anyway, here I am." "So does everyone know? Jenny asked. "I suspect that all my old friends among the boys are chattering about it. I don't care. I know who I am, I've always known who I am, but for 14 years I was imprisoned in a male body." "But, well, do you have a clit or a penis?" asked Savannah "I don't think you should ask that." Sam entered the conversation for the first time. "Why not?" Savannah retorted, "this is really interesting." "You are being personal." "It's OK Sam. I better get this out in the open, then hopefully it will be over." I told them how I had been a border, a boy at school and a girl in the holidays. I said how unhappy I was as a boy. I told them of my holiday in France, of going to the fashion houses and modelling the shoes. "So, tell all your friends, then I won't have to." "I think you are really brave, and lovely," said Sam. "Thanks for telling us," said Jenny. "Come on Sav, we've got things to do." When they had gone, Sam took my hand. "I don't trust that Jenny. Sav is up front, but Jenny is sneaky. Could you not have just kept it quiet?" "The boys all know me. It would have soon got round." "Well, you have got me, and I will soon shut anyone up if they say anything." "Let me introduce you to some friends." I took her to meet Wally, Peter and Dick. Over the next two weeks I settled into the routine of school. Mrs Henderson became like a mother to me, taking my washing and making sure that I was comfortable. I had to do my own ironing, but that was not too bad. I could watch telly on my computer while I ironed and I quite enjoyed looking after my clothes and keeping my silk underwear pristine. The nudges and whispers had died, but it became a matter of course to be touched up in the crush on the stairs and to have my skirt lifted by some unseen hand, to a cackle of laughter. I ignored it. I was who I wanted to be, while many of the boys and some of the girls, had no real knowledge of their true identity. Sam and Savannah had become good friends, while Jenny had joined those who liked to tease and torment. Because of my circumstances, I was excused games, but I played tennis with whoever was available, particularly Sam who was quite good, certainly a better player than me. On the third weekend back, I was invited by Sam's parents to her home for Sunday. I arrived after the compulsory morning church service. I was allowed by Mr Henderson to wear "civilian" clothing after the service and had sent home for some of my wardrobe. I dressed in a little sun dress I had bought in M & S with a white cardigan and very high heeled platform sandals. Sam only lived a mile away, so I took my bicycle and arrived without mishap. Sam's parents proved as welcoming as she was a good friend. Her father was the same height as me, 5'6" and her mother could not have been more than 5'2". He was a dark haired man, rather swarthy and it was obvious from his accent that he was not born and bred here. He explained that his real name was unspellable and unpronounceable Hungarian and he had taken the name Kydd as nearest to it. Mrs Kydd was British through and through. Sam also had an elder brother, Michael who proved rather distant at first. While Mrs Kydd finished cooking the Sunday roast, we sat on the terrace of their rather opulent house drinking spritzers. Sam seemed much more assured at home than at school. Mr Kydd thanked me for looking after her on her first day. Michael was now at University but living at home. He remained remote, reading a book, but I noticed him glancing at us as we chattered. Lunch was good, roast lamb and all the trimmings, a veritable feast which made a nice change from school food. After lunch, Sam and I played on the Wii in her room. I was surprised when Michael came in and joined in with us. He was suddenly really affable. We had tea and it had started to rain. Michael volunteered to put my bicycle in his car and take me back. I readily accepted. Before we reached school, he stopped the car. "Look," he said, "thanks for looking after my sister. I really love Sam. She tells me that things are difficult for you at school?" "Sometimes. Idiots will be idiots." "What do they do?" "Oh lift my skirt, give me a slap, make kissing noises. Leer. All pretty inane but harmless." "You must be tough to take that attitude." "It was tougher for me being a boy. I hated myself as a boy, now I love myself." "OK........Would you like to go to the cinema sometime? Or the theatre or a concert? Cambridge has plenty to offer." "Why are you asking me out? I thought earlier that you didn't like me." "I was a bit suspicious and maybe a bit jealous. Sam came home with tales, Trudy this and Trudy that. I had to make my own mind up. I confess that I was a bit, well, phobic. I was wrong, prejudiced." "I am just sixteen, you are what, twenty?" "Not quite. So, look I am not saying I want to be your boy friend. Just being friendly, make up for some of the shit that is happening at school. It's up to you." "Not pity then?" "Hey you are making this really difficult for me. OK, I would like your company and you are pretty too." "Thank you. It would be very nice. Whatever you would like to do. I would have to get permission from Mr Henderson." "OK. I'll see what I can fix." He started the car and drove me into the quad. He removed my bicycle, then kissed me on the cheek before driving off. I saw some of the boys watching. I took no notice and wheeled my bike haughtily to the Henderson's side gate. I went straight to Mr Henderson. I said that Sam Kydd's brother had asked if I would like to go to one of the college events, a little lie, but I thought, justified. He was very amiable. "Good, yes, very good. It would be good for you to see something of the outside world. Which college is he at?" "I forgot to ask Mr Henderson." "Oh never mind. An insight into University life will do you good. Mrs Henderson and I are, well, impressed with your behaviour and we do know how provoked you are at times. Just let me know when you want to go, but it must be a weekend. I expect Sam Kydd will like having your company." "She's a good friend. Good night." Next day I was given a message by Mr Henderson to report to the Headmaster at lunch time. I could not imagine that I had done anything wrong. I was being as Henderson had confirmed, very careful not to retaliate to the frequent provocations. I knocked on the Secretaries door after the lunch bell. Miss Franks immediately announced my arrival to Mr Stubbs, the Head. It was rare for a pupil to be sent to or summoned by the Head. We all saw him at assembly each day, then he remained remote, like the chief executive of a company. "Sit down Trudy," Stubbs said in an avuncular way, "I need to have a word about your situation here. How are things going?" "Fine." "No trouble, no bullying?" "Nothing I can't handle." "I am glad that you have been able to make this transition so well. You seem well adjusted and well behaved. Your teachers all give good reports, indeed, even those who were against accepting you back as a girl have been somewhat won over, one or two quite grudgingly. However, we have had one or two complaints, and your situation is on the agenda of the Governors" meeting next week. One Governor in particular seems to think your presence a threat. How would you feel about attending the meeting? Face to face confrontations often defuse festering suspicions. Could you do that?" "Do you mean like sit in front of a star chamber?" "Ah........no. I thought if they met you, then just seeing you might allay any fears. Usually, the head boy or girl attends with another prefect, handing round the nibbles and topping up the glasses. You could also assist, then I would announce who you are. If you want to make a statement to them, then I would like that, but you do not have to. You do not have to attend, only I would like to nip any trouble in the bud. Fear of the unknown is what we are dealing with and prejudice engendered by ignorance. Don't give me an answer now, think it over and come and see me tomorrow." He rose from his seat behind his desk and escorted me to the door. I told Sam what had happened. "Well you know whose father is a Governor, don't you? Jenny's dad, and she has got it in for you, her and the little gang she goes with." Next day I reported to the Head again. "I will attend the meeting next Wednesday, sir. I would like to remain anonymous while the reception is on. Then perhaps I could enter the meeting later and outline my position and answer any questions and fears they have." "Can you do that? It seems a lot to ask and really you should not have to." "It's what I want to do." "I bow to your bravery. Prepare well, I will send you a list of things they may ask, from what they have already said. They are not all against you, just one or two, particularly Canon Downing, Jenny Downing's father and Dr. Curl who is also a lay preacher. I feel that there is fundamental religion behind their fears. Do your homework. I have made Mr Henderson aware and the Henderson's will also advise and assist. They think very well of you, you know." Over the next week I tried to anticipate the questions they might ask. Fundamentalist religion was a hard enemy to tackle. Religious bigotry had long been almost fascist in its attitude to any sexual deviation, and the Church of England was gripped by schism on the subject. As an atheist I had no time for their retro attitudes, but as far as they knew I was a good Christian girl. I paid lip service to the religiosity of the school day, the morning prayers and hymn, the church services each week. In fact I quite enjoyed singing the hymns while scorning the repetitive prayers that seemed to me always went unanswered. Certainly when I had prayed to God for a way out of my predicament, I received no answer, no thunderbolt, no cure. I received a message from the head boy James that I should attend in "civvies'. He and the other prefect would be in suits, so I had to look good too. I chose to wear my little shantung suit which had not seen an outing since my trip around the fashion houses in Paris. I still only had the plastic shoes to complete the look, but they were comfortable and still smart. I spent an hour getting ready, used my straighteners on my hair and finished off by curling it under. I wore plain ear studs, buffed and clear polished my nails, and used a minimum of make-up. Mrs Henderson surveyed me before I trudged across to the Heads office suite. "Perfect. You look super. I am sure you will slay them." She said. James and Brian were already there. James filled me in on our duties and we made sure the doilies were placed on the little plates and the trays of snacks were pristine. James showed me how to pour the bubbly so that it did not froth to the top and cover someone's hand. At 6.30 they began to enter. We three did our duties. The Governors seemed hardly to notice us, one or two of the men giving me the smile they reserve for a pretty woman. The three women governors were all over forty, but smart and well presented. At 7.00 they entered the Governors room leaving us and the school restaurant staff to clear up. Finally there was only me left in the anteroom. I was glad that I had used plenty of antiperspirant. I found myself starting to tremble. I took deep breaths, trying to get my nerves under control. It was then That James popped back in. He put an arm round me. "Good luck," he said, "you'll knock them dead." At quarter to eight the secretary opened the door and beckoned me in. I was directed to a chair next to the head and felt daunted by the fifteen faces pointed in my direction. Some showed friendliness, others looked blank. "You already met Trudy looking after you at the reception. I feel sure that none of you had the slightest suspicion of who she was. Trudy has chosen to speak to you and then to answer questions. Trudy?" "Good evening. I realise that there is always a deal of curiosity about any sexual deviation and in particular, transsexualism, which to most people, even gay people, makes no sense, for usually we grow up quite content in our natal sex. For trans people, it is a dysphoria between the body and the instincts, the soul and the frame. I knew from the age of three that I should have been a girl. I tried to be a boy, but I hated it." I spent another five minutes filling them on my life. Then asked for questions. It was Dr. Curl who spoke first. He began very courteously. "Thank you, err Trudy. You look very nice, very smart and it has been brave of you to face us old fogies. However, many people have feelings of dissatisfaction with their lot, yet they do not follow your sort of path. Are you just giving in to a fear of becoming a young man? Puberty is a difficult time for boys and girls after all." "I felt like this before puberty, before I even knew about any difference between the sexes. You do, I presume, know that the latest scientific theory is that transsexualism is caused by an imbalance of hormones in the mother's womb? Also Dutch research has found feminine characteristics in the brains of male to female transsexuals." "Science is used to prove so many things. Spiritually, you were made a male by God, it is an offence therefore to change God's will is it not." "So you would say that someone with a defective heart should not have a transplant, as it is God's will that they die early?" "That's hardly the same thing." "I think it precisely the same thing." Cannon Downing then spoke. "Are you a holy person? Are you a Christian? Do you not believe that God has worked out a path for you?" "No, I do not believe that. There are many people who believe but have chosen their own path. Your logic is that if you are born poor, then God means you to be poor, if you are born blind then you should stay blind and shun any medical means of curing your blindness." "Bravo young lady," Brigadier Lovell burst out. "I am old school, but even I can see that this young person is sensible, on a terrible journey out of a nightmare and is even so, a good student and a credit to this school. These old fashioned ideas of God's will, fate or whatever, just won't wash. Headmaster, I vote that we release young Trudy from this hearing, she has indulged us long enough. Then we can take a vote and end this matter. "Hear hear," said one of the women. "Perhaps you would leave us Trudy. Wait outside and I will bring you the verdict as soon as possible." Mr Stubbs rose and pulled my chair back so I could escape. Five minutes later I was called back in and given the news that I could continue my education. I breathed a sigh of relief and thanked the board. I told the Henderson's when I returned. "Jolly good show. I should think so too. Mr Henderson said. Mrs Henderson kissed me on the cheek and held onto my hands. "Oh yes, and you have an invitation from young Michael Kydd for Saturday afternoon until Sunday. I have agreed, but you have to be here for supper on Sunday." I was unaccountably thrilled and embarrassed by this news. I made a quick thank you and goodnight, and left the Henderson's for the safety of my room. Michael was a very attractive young man and this was my first "date" with anyone who was vaguely in my league. Michael said it was a matter of just being friendly but a girl can dream................ And I did. I dreamt not of Michael, but of Dr. Curl, who was examining me on a medical couch. He kept saying, "a girl, I thought you were a boy," then assaulted me." I awoke terrified. It took my mind a couple of minutes to realise that it was all a bad dream. Thank God, I said to myself. Saturday morning school seemed interminable. I skipped lunch and readied myself for Michael. I dressed in tights and a woollen mini skirt, clumpy high heels and layered tops, for the weather had suddenly turned colder. Michael appeared in his father's car, a Mercedes cabriolet. I opened the door and swivelled in as I had been taught by Vanessa. Wally and a few other boys in rugger gear watched me go. How happy I was not to be with them. "You are quite the lady, aren't you? How do you learn all these skills? I could put on a dress but I would always look like a bloke in drag. You look more elegant than most girls I know." "Thank you Michael, that's very reassuring. It is easy for me, because I want to be feminine, while I guess you are content being a man. I love my femininity. I rejoice in wearing pretty things, make-up, being clean, shopping. It just makes me smile when I look in the mirror and see myself as I am now." "Sam says, but then you know she worships you, that you put up with a lot of nonsense from some of the girls and boys. Do you?" I told him about some of it, the skirt lifting for example. I also told him that I normally wore stockings, so it was doubly embarrassing. I filled him in on the Governor's meeting too. "Bloody priests," was all he said. "This afternoon I have tickets for the University versus Fiji. So that's where we are headed. I hope that is not too blokey for you." "It's fine. I used to play hooker. Surprised eh! You just thought I was a sissy who liked dressing up. Don't ever try to pigeon-hole me." "I better not," he said with a laugh, placing his hand on my nylon covered knee. The thrill went through me like electricity. I struggled not to react. "You haven't brought much of a coat. I should have told you to bring one." "I have this little jacket which should keep the wind out. I'll be OK, I'm sure." I wasn't, we were in the stand but only just, and it had become quite breezy. By half time my teeth were almost chattering. Michael noticed that I looked cold. "Come on, let's get some hot soup," he said, "here, put my jacket over your shoulders." He placed his heavy jacket over me. Again I thrilled. How could wearing a man's jacket make me feel so good, when six months ago, I had hated anything at all male. The soup was hot, oxtail and not too bad. It warmed my hands and my stomach too. I felt much better with his jacket round me, far too big. I excused myself and went to the ladies. I took the opportunity of tarting up my make-up from school level. I reappeared with dark smokey eyes and bright red lips. Michael did a double take. "Good God. You look....fuckin" fantastic." "Not too much of a tart, I hope." "No. Innocent, yet enticing." There was an uproar as Fiji scored again. I dared to take his hand, giving it a little shake. "Thank you." "What for?" "For being so nice." He let go my hand, then felt for it and gripped it, holding on to it this time. It was the first time a man had held my hand. It was unbelievably comforting, as though I actually belonged in the world. We slipped out before the end. It was colder than ever and Michael raised the hood. The car was so glamorous I said. "Glam car for glam lady," he replied. "Where are we going now?" "Tea, a little place by the river." "Grantchester?" "No, much nicer, more retro." We drove north, then turned down towards the river. We stopped by a riverside pub. It was deliciously warm inside, smelled of toast and coffee. He ordered toasted teacake and a pot of tea. We snuggled into our corner and waited for our tea to come, watching the other customers. "So what's it like being you? I just can't imagine what it can be like. This aura of androgeny, you act like a girl, look better than most girls and yet I know you are still male in most respects." "I'm male in one respect. I have breasts, I look and smell like a woman. I behave like a woman, and yet, you know from my history that officially I am still, a boy. I can see that it must be difficult for you, particularly if you find me amiable, attractive. Perhaps this is a mistake if you can't handle it, but I thought we were just going out as friends." "I wish you were a woman. I would be at your feet." "So you do like me. It's this thing between my legs that upsets you. You knew about that before we ever met in your parents" home. Sam had told you all about me. So what is the problem? I like being with you. I felt terrific getting into that wonderful car with all my old friends watching. I felt as if I had grown up ten years and they had stayed the same little boys. You better take me home." "No, can't do that. Too many questions from my parents and Sam. And how would you explain to the Henderson's. Anyway, I want to be with you. I am fascinated by you." "Well then. Here we are having tea. It's nice here. I love it. What are we doing after this?" "I thought we would go to the cinema. Then maybe a club afterwards?" "If that's what you want to do. It sounds great. What is the film?" "An Education." "I read about that. I have got it down to see. Super." The tea cakes appeared at last, well toasted, bitter sweet and with butter melted into them. I ignored the pots of jam and enjoyed the cakes au naturel. It was nearly dark when we left the warmth of the pub. I found Michael holding my hand as we walked the short distance to the car and this time he opened the door for me and shut it when I was safely in. We parked in the centre of town and walked the short distance to the cinema. Again he was the perfect gentleman, shepherding me to our seats with a gentle hand on my back. The film was riveting and if anyone hasn't seen it, they should. As we left the cinema Michael asked what I thought. I told him it was great. He agreed. "Michael, would you mind if we don't go to a club?" "Course not. Just thought you might like it." "I would, but I'm not really dressed for it." "Ah, silly me. Of course. What do you like to eat? Chinese, Indian, Thai, fish and chips, Macdonalds?" "Ooh. How about a quick Chinese, then we could go to the jazz pub." "That sounds a good plan." The Chinese was OK, not the best but pretty good. Then we were off to the jazz pub. It was jumping, full of sophisticated women and blokes with beards, drinking pints and tapping their feet. It was a great atmosphere, light hearted and friendly. Just after eleven I suggested we go home. On the way to the car park, Michael stopped me. "I have to kiss you," he said simply. "Not if you are going to wake in the night regretting it." "I won't. Sorry if I have upset you." He pulled me too him, his hands about my waist. He bent his face to mine and kissed me tenderly and somewhat ineffectually. This wasn't Tom nor Pierre, nor even Elie. Yet, I was more thrilled by his immature kisses than I had been by any of the others that had had me. I could feel his expanding penis against my diaphragm. I pushed him away, thanking him, placing my arm about his bottom and hooking my fingers into his trousers. "I stopped you because there must be no regrets. You may or may not want to do this again, after all, I am four years younger than you, besides the other difficulties." "But you are so much more mature than me in every way except actual years. Show me how you kiss." I stopped this time and we swung towards each other. I brushed his lips with mine, a caress that tickled and tempted, a promise of more, an appetizer, then pushed my tongue between his teeth, my tongue playing with his tongue. He gasped for breath as I released him. "You've done that before," he said. We walked to the car, cuddled into each other. My hand slipping under his trouser waistband and playing with his crack. He wanted to kiss again, but I would not. Maybe next time I said. We spent the next day with the family. Sam wanted to know if we had kissed. "Why do you ask that Sam?" I replied. "Cos he is quiet, but keeps watching you." "Oh does he? He finds my androgeny confusing. Poor boy, but I really like your brother Sam." It was time to go back to the Henderson's.