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My Grandfather, My Nanny free porn video
My Grandfather, My Nanny
By Heather St. Claire
(This story is set in the Surrogates Universe created by Robert Benditti
and Brett Wildele)
Journal of Gender Studies, May 2042, Volume 53, Number 2
Editor's Note: The widespread introduction of personal surrogates has
had far-reaching implications for almost every aspect of society, and
the field of gender identity has certainly seen a myriad of impacts. One
of the most interesting phenomena has been the cross-gender use of
surrogates for a variety of reasons, both professional and personal.
Females are utilizing male surrogates to work in fields from auto
mechanics to law enforcement, while men are using female surrogates in a
variety of positions that are still identified as primarily service-
oriented and/or nurturing. Many transgender individuals are now choosing
to forgo the pain, expense and often less-than satisfactory results of
hormone therapy and gender reassignment surgery to live their most
authentic lives through a cross-gender surrogate. The first
comprehensive study of this phenomenon is being conducted by Dr. Robert
Whiteside of the University of Phoenix, who uses a female surrogate
named Christy.
Dr. Whiteside is still compiling her data, but has agreed to publish
selected interviews and case studies in this journal. We are grateful
for her willingness to share this pioneering work.
Interview by Dr. Christy Whiteside
Subjects are an 80-year-old male using a young female surrogate and her
26-year-old granddaughter. The female surrogate is five feet, four
inches tall, had a classic hourglass figure, an open, friendly face and
shoulder-length strawberry blonde hair, straight and parted in the
middle. She would probably be described as a classic girl-next-door
model, age early to mid-twenties. The granddaughter has not yet
purchased a surrogate?she says she doesn't need one yet, but might get
one in a few years when certain body parts begin to wrinkle and sag. She
stands about four inches taller than her grandfather's surrogate, has
short, curly dark hair, an olive complexion and a lean, athletic build
with small breasts and hips.
The subject's daughter, 52, declined a request to participate in the
interview. For the purpose of this article, they will be identified by
pseudonyms: the senior subject as Lionel/Lisa and the junior subject as
Olivia.
Dr. Whiteside: Thank you both for your willingness to talk with me.
Lisa and Olivia: You're welcome.
Dr. W: Is there anything either of you would like to say before we get
started?
O: I just want to say that I've got the coolest grandpa anywhere!
Dr. W: Why is that?
O: Because he's not afraid to get in touch with his feminine side!
L: (Laughs, then becomes serious :) I'm just sad that my daughter isn't
with us today.
Dr. W: Why is that?
L: She's against surrogates in any form, except to provide motor or
sense function to the handicapped...disabled population. She read an
interview with Dr. Canter, the creator of surrogates, who said that was
his intent, and she said he had it absolutely right. The people who were
buying them to be something they were not are absolutely wrong, in her
mind. She's especially against what I'm doing.
Dr. W: We'll get into that more later. For now, Lisa, I'd really like to
hear about your life and what led to your decision to purchase a female
surrogate.
L: I was born in 1961. I can remember always thinking I should have been
born a little girl. I loved to play with my sister, who was two years
older than me. We'd dress her dolls and comb their hair. We'd play
handsome prince and princess, but I always insisted on being the
princess every other time. At school, I was pretty shy and withdrawn,
and was absolutely no good at sports at all.
As I grew up, I became aware of the existence of gender reassignment
surgery, but it just didn't seem like a realistic option for me. I
didn't want to upset my family, especially my parents, and frankly, I
didn't think I could see my way through the expense and pain. I would
describe my longing to be female as something that lessened in intensity
as I grew older?sort of like a chronic illness or injury that you learn
to live with.
I studied library science at the university and ended up marrying a
fellow student. She was the pursuer and I was the pursued. She was a
strong woman in so many ways, but also quite gentle and sweet. We
married in 1985 and had our daughter, our only child, five years later.
My wife passed away from a stroke in 2037. We had been together for 52
years. (She chokes up; her granddaughter puts her arms around her, and
they embrace for a long moment.)
So...my life was pretty empty and lonely for a few years there. My
daughter and I have never been that close. I think she looks at me as a
failure as a husband and a father. But this dear girl (she clasps
Olivia's hand) always loved her grandpa. When she got divorced, I was so
sad for her and her beautiful little girl...but I have to admit I was
happy when she decided to move back to her hometown. That gave me a
chance to get to really get to know my great-granddaughter.
Dr. W: Olivia, can you talk about your relationship with your parents
and your grandparents?
O: I have always felt close to my grandpa. I really wish the rest of the
family had been like him.
Dr. W: How so?
O: He's fun loving....imaginative....he always sees...possibilities. My
grandmother was sweet, but kind of distant. My parents aren't very warm
people. They tend to see the world in black-and-white terms. If you
don't live up to their standards and expectations, you're in trouble.
Dr. W: Lisa, we got a little off track, and that's my fault. Can we get
back to your decision to purchase your surrogate?
L: Sure, doctor. It was in 2039 when it seemed like all of a sudden,
everyone who wanted a surrogate could afford one. I remember the same
thing happening in my youth with so many other devices?VCRs, cell
phones, personal computers....
O: What's a VCR?
L: Video cassette recorder. It was the predecessor of the DVD.
O: Oh, yeah, I think I've seen one of those in a museum or something...
L: (chuckles) Try not to make your gramps feel like such an old fogey,
will you dear? Anyway, it was the spring of that year when I first
visited a Virtual Self showroom. I was immediately cornered by a young
hotshot who tried to sell me on a muscular young male surrogate?or
surrie, as the young people are calling them. He told me how great he
would be for rock climbing, skydiving and the like. I tried to tell him
I was a retired librarian and really wasn't into that kind of thing, but
he didn't want to take no for an answer. So I left, and came back again
a couple of weeks later. By that time, I had told my daughter I was
seriously thinking of getting a surrogate, and she let me know she
wasn't pleased.
Dr. W: Why not? Did your choice of a female surrogate have something to
do with it?
L: Not at all. I didn't even tell her that I was planning to do that.
Like I said, she's a very conservative person who sees the world in
terms of black and white, right or wrong. Even though she thinks that
"Prophet" character is a dangerous rabble-rouser, she says his basic
message is not wrong. She thinks we're meant to live out our lives in
the body we're born with. She told me I should be proud to show my 80-
year-old body in public, even when other senior citizens are 'hiding'
behind hip young surrogates. She said if I was lonely, I ought to look
into a senior retirement center. I had to laugh at that one. I told
those places are nothing more than God's waiting room. I have visited a
few of them, and they're even sadder places than before surrogates came
along. Everyone who can afford a surrie is locked in their room and
their virtual self is out in the world. The only poor souls left at the
bingo games are the ones who can't afford a surrie.
I still hoped that she would understand what I was doing....
On my second visit to the Virtual Self showroom, I was met by a very
sweet, motherly woman in her fifties. In fact, her operator was a man,
but I didn't learn that until much later. I told her what I wanted, and
she was very kind and understanding, not the least bit judgmental. We
talked for a little while, and she got me to open up about my childhood
dreams, just like you have, doctor. She steered me to this surrie, and
as soon as I looked at her, I knew she was exactly what, or who, I
wanted. She led me to an easy chair where I could link up with her. I
could feel my heart pounding as she helped me attach the headset. I
closed my tired old eyes...and opened these eyes.
Dr. W: How did it feel?
L: I thought it would feel like Christmas, the Fourth of July, and my
birthday all rolled into one, but it didn't...it just felt so....so
right. So normal...like this was the way it was supposed to have been
all along. The saleslady encouraged me to take a walk around the block.
It was a gorgeous spring day, plenty of sun and just a hint of a breeze.
I was wearing a peasant top, a short denim skirt and flip-flops...I was
thankful for the flip-flops, as I didn't want to try negotiating heels
just yet.
I felt the breeze under my skirt; my hair brushing my shoulders; the
new, yet strangely familiar, weight on my chest. I don't know if I
believe in reincarnation, but I had the strongest sensation at that
moment that I had known these feelings before. Maybe it was just a vivid
imagination. In any event, I completed my 'test drive,' went back in the
store, and bought her on the spot.
She was delivered to my place the next morning. The technicians were
very good about making sure she was properly charged and I understood
all the basics of operation before they left. I wanted to get a better
feel for her, so I took her for an exploratory trip around the house,
then I got up the nerve to get behind the wheel with her and take an
actual drive. I went to a coffee shop not too far from my place and
ordered a latte and a bagel. I wanted to see what it would be like to go
out in the community. Would other people stare at the crazy old man who
wanted to be a young woman?
Dr. W: Did they?
L: Not at all. It was nice, very nice (smiles). A man, probably about my
age, held the door for me as I walked in. When I had finished my coffee,
I felt the need to use the bathroom. I stood up and was thinking about
whether I should use the men's room or ladies' room, when I thought?you
dummy?you don't go here! But it was nice (pauses). I wish I could say
the same thing about what came next.
Dr. W: What do you mean by that?
L: I drove over to visit my daughter. Once I pulled into a parking space
at her building, I de-linked long enough to call her to let her know I
was there and would be coming to the door to introduce my new self. I
should have known what to expect, but I was hoping for something other
than what I got.
Dr. W: What was that?
L: I got to her door and rang the bell. I could feel my heart pounding
in my chest. She opened the door, took one look at me, and said
something like, 'Can I help you, Miss? I'm expecting my father at any
moment.' When I told her it was her father, she got a look of shock on
her face, which quickly turned to disgust. She said, 'What on earth does
this mean?' but the way she said it made it clear she really didn't want
an answer. (Pauses, tears up. O places her hand on her arm, rests her
head on her grandfather's shoulder.)
Dr. W: So what happened then?
L: I tried to explain to her about the longings I've had since
childhood, but she just looked at me like I was crazy. She said, 'So it
was all a lie? Your marriage to mother? Being my father? All you really
wanted was to be a little princess?' Then she told me to get out and not
come back until I was ready to come back in the flesh.
I haven't seen or talked to her since that day.
Dr. W: I can tell this is hard for you.
L: Very hard. Why can't she let me be who I want to be...who I am? Why
doesn't she want me to be happy?
Dr. W: Only she can answer that. So what do you do after your run in
with your daughter?
L: I called Olivia. I was crying so hard, I could hardly get two words
out, but she told me to come right over. I did. I poured my heart out to
her. She listened so intently to every word. And then do you know what
this sweet girl did?
Dr. W: What?
L: She gave me a big hug, a kiss on the cheek, and said "I love you,
Grandpa. But I have to admit to being a little confused...should I call
you grandma now?" And then she giggled. And I started laughing too. I
told her I think it would be best if she called me Lisa, the female name
I had chosen for myself. She said she thought it was a very pretty name,
and she had been looking for a best girlfriend, and she would be honored
if I would become hers. I tell you....this girl is just too wonderful
for words. (Squeezes her hand)
Dr. W: So what's your life been like since then?
L: Well, I went to Girl School.
Dr. W: What's that?
L: A two-week course, with weekly follow-up, for males operating female
surrogates. My saleslady told me about it. It's taught by a transgender
woman in her late fifties who had gender reassignment surgery more than
30 years ago. She teaches you how to walk, talk, act and think like a
female. There's a lot of role playing. Outside of that, Olivia and I
started spending a lot of time together?shopping, spa trips, going to
the movies?chick flicks, of course! But after a couple of months of
that, as fabulous as it was, I really started feeling the need to do
something useful again. I thought about applying for a job as a
children's librarian.
Dr. W: Why a children's librarian?
L: Because in my last career, I got stuck as a reference librarian, and
then in administration. I had been deputy director of the city library
system for 21 years when I was retired. It's not much fun to work on
budgets and reports all the time. I got into library work in the first
place, because I love books, and even more than that, I love people.
Especially children.
Dr. W: Why children?
L: I don't know. I guess it's because they haven't learned all the rules
yet. They can still color outside the lines and not feel guilty. They're
spontaneous. They haven't forgotten how to have fun.
Dr. W: You said you thought about applying for a job. Did you?
L: No, because something came up. (She smiles.)
O: He?she's talking about me. That was when my daughter's daycare
closed. I couldn't find anyplace else in town that I could remotely
afford. That's when Lisa said, 'Why don't you let me take care of her
for you?'
L: I said, 'Look, it may be a long time since I took care of a two-year
old, but I haven't forgotten everything I learned. And besides, my price
is right.' She said yes...and that started what I am going to look back
on as the happiest three years of my life.
Dr. W: Why is that?
L: It's the closest I'll ever get to being a mother. There's nothing
more challenging, or more satisfying, than being a mother. I never let
myself forget that the little girl had a real mother, thank goodness,
but while she was at work, I acted in her stead. Thank goodness for this
android body. I didn't wear out physically, but let me tell you, a child
that young can wear you out mentally.
That being said, I wouldn't have traded the experience for anything.
Watching that child explore, discover, learn and grow...it's really been
something special?something beautiful. And of course I've been able to
spoil the girl something awful, buying her all the pretty dresses and
dolls I wish I could have had when I was her anger.
Dr. W: Do you ever fear you're reinforcing gender stereotypes by doing
that?
L: Not at all. All you have do is see how she lights up when she sees a
pink dress with a lace collar...I believe in my heart of hearts that we
all have a gender identity locked deep in our brains. All the surrogates
are doing is allowing us to be our authentic selves. And there's nothing
wrong with that.
Dr. W: You speak of your time as a nanny in the past tense?
L: Well, the girl is six years old and in school now. I still watch her
after school and in the summer. So I don't think I'll be looking for
that librarian job. But maybe I'll see about a position as a teacher's
aide, even if it's as a volunteer.
Dr. W: Is there anything else you'd like to add:
L: No, I think you've just about covered everything. I just hope my
daughter comes around before I die. I would like nothing more than to
have her join us on our next family holiday. We three girls have had
some very special Christmases and Thanksgiving together. It would be
great if she'd surprise us one of these days. Then our family could
truly be complete again.
Dr. W: Thank you for your time, ladies.
L, O: Thank you.
Ofelia
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