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The Awakening by BobH (c) 2011, 2013 Four years ago someone murdered me. I was determined to find out who, and to make them pay. 1. The Party It all began at the firm's annual party. To the casual viewer this was an excuse for us to relax and for our spouses and significant others to socialize. In reality it was more like the Roman arena, a killing ground in which we associates warily circled each other, looking for ways to curry favour with the partners and to do each other down. British it might be but Kirby, Lieber and Kane was run and structured like an American law firm. There were two of us with a realistic chance of making partner this year when old man Lieber finally retired; me and James Wheeler (who was always James, never Jim). There could be only one, and I would do whatever it took to make sure that one was me. At twenty-seven I was determined to be the youngest partner the firm had ever had. "So, do you think this years bonuses are going to exceed last years?" asked Wheeler, coming up beside me and helping himself to canapes from the table adjacent to where my wife and I were standing. "The size doesn't matter," I replied. "All that counts is the difference between them and what that tells us about our relative positions within the firm. I want to know if I have the juice to take you down." I knew Wheeler was sometimes appalled by my ruthlessness, how single- minded I could be when I was going after something I wanted, but you don't get to be a rising star at a law firm like Kirby, Lieber, & Kane by being timid. 'Small man syndrome' he had called it, but what I lacked in height I more than made up for in every other area. Short I might be but my American wife Jane was a former actress and to my eyes easily the most beautiful woman in the room. I slid an arm around her waist, smiling approvingly at the feel of her designer gown beneath my fingers, at how glamorous she looked and how well that would reflect on me. She smiled down at me, her imposing height made even more impressive by the four-inch heels on her Jimmy Choo shoes. This sent a double message: that I had the juice to attract a woman like Jane and, in not insisting she wear flats as other short men might of their wives, that I wasn't in the least insecure about my height. It gave me a warm glow to see all the attention she was attracting. I smiled as one of the partners, Andrew Kirby, walked over to us. He was in his early-sixties, grey-haired and whippet-thin. If I didn't make partner when Lieber retired it would be another ten years before Kirby followed him, and I didn't want to wait that long. "Do you mind if I steal the lovely Mrs Canning for a dance?" he asked. "Not at all," I said, and Jane smiled and allowed herself to be led onto the dancefloor. As the perfect corporate wife she knew how these things worked. We were a team. "I have to admit if there's one thing I envy you for it's Jane," said Wheeler, watching her wistfully. "Only Jane?" I laughed. I'd have thought you'd envy me for much more than that!" "No, not really," he said , gazing at me levelly. "I could never be as driven as you, nor do I need a big house like yours. And while I might still be single I also get on great with my parents and my brothers." I scowled at him and walked away without saying anything else. I needed to circulate more than I had, anyway. Christina Kane, the firm's female partner, was there with her girlfriend Kelly Price, a stunning blonde model whose photo spread in Playboy last year I had greatly enjoyed. She was the only woman in the room who might match Jane in the beauty stakes and the only one I would like to screw. Not that I would dream of making a move on a partner's woman. That would be career suicide. Where Christina was all business in a tailored trouser-suit, Kelly was a vision of femininity in her powder-blue chiffon mini-dress and matching three-inch heels. The two of them were deep in conversation with John Callis and Sophie Manners, the firm's other two associates. I was sure neither was in the running for the partnership position but since it never hurt to keep an eye on the opposition I sidled over to them. Being both black and female, Sophie was a 'twofer', a two-for-one hire who made the firm look good when it came to its diversity profile. It didn't hurt that she was a pretty decent lawyer, either, though not in the same league as me, of course. What counted against her was being a single mother. Not for any moral reason but because there would be times when she would have to put her daughter before the firm. "John was just telling me you and he will be running in this year's London Marathon, Simon," said Christina as I joined them. John Callis was my squash partner and the two of us usually worked out in the gym together, too. Where I was short he was kind of pudgy so we balanced each other out. As well as lacking height I was also slightly built so it was important that I had some muscle to offset this. Callis was currently living with his twin sister following her recent divorce. I'd never met her, but if her brother was anything to go by it's a safe bet she wasn't a looker. Since Callis was not really any sort of professional competition - hey, the loser lived with his sister - I was happy to work out with him, but he wasn't actually my friend, though I let him think otherwise. No-one at KLK was a friend. You couldn't let rivals get too close to you if you wanted to get ahead. "Have to be fit in body as well as in mind," I said to Christina, "plus we're raising money for good causes by getting you all to sponsor us." "Who will the money be going to?" she asked. "A group that wants to promote greater public understanding and acceptance of transsexuals," said Callis. I managed not to show any surprise, but WTF? What made him choose *them*? I'd left the choice of 'good cause' up to Callis since the point of the fundraising was to make me look good and I didn't really care who the money went to, but I'd expected his choice to be a bit more mainstream and not as potentially problematic. "I approve," said Christina, looking directly at me. "Yeah, well, we looked at various groups and we decided they were one the money we raise could really help," I said, smoothly associating myself with Callis's choice. Christina was easily the hardest to impress of the partners so it was useful to be linked to anything she approved of. In her late-thirties, tall, extremely bright, and supremely self-confident, Christina Kane was a formidable woman. She was striking rather than beautiful, and she carried herself with a grace and confidence that always put me in mind of a lioness stalking its prey. "Really?" she said, arching an eyebrow. "Perhaps I've misjudged you, then." There was that piercing, slightly-amused gaze again, which always made me feel like a child who'd just been caught doing something naughty. "Can I steal my husband away from you for a dance?" said Jane, sweeping in with her usual perfect timing. "Of course," smiled Christina, running an appreciative eye over my wife. "It's good to see you again, Jane." "So did you learn anything from Kirby," I said as we took to the dancefloor. "Not as much as I'd hoped," replied Jane. "They're playing their cards close to their chests on the partnership." "I can't tell whether that's a good thing or a bad one," I frowned. "I'd expected their thinking to have become clear by now, but nada!" "Never mind," smiled Jane. "As soon as the bonuses are announced we should wait the least amount of time it takes not to seem rude then slip away. I'd much rather be making love than making small talk." "Can't argue with that idea," I grinned. And that's just what we did. Twenty minutes or so after the announcement we left the party, but I couldn't stop fretting over what the bonuses might signal. "The same!" I exclaimed as I drove our BMW up the ramp from the parking basement beneath the firm's offices and out into the night, "They gave us the same bonus despite me bringing more money in last year! That can't be good!" "Calm down, darling," said Jane patting my arm, "it could mean nothing. They might have awarded you both the same bonus so that You *wouldn't* take it as indicating their choice for partner." "Yeah, maybe, but I..." "Look out!!!" screamed Jane. There was a sickening thud as we slammed into the other vehicle, the screech of tearing metal as we were thrown forward against our seatbelts and into the airbags that exploded into life in front of us. The car flipped on its side and slid a good fifty yards. Not that I knew any of this at the time. I was already unconscious before it came to rest. * 2. The Hospital "He's coming round!" said a female voice as I struggled to wake. "Thank you, nurse," a male voice calmly replied. "Can you hear me, Simon?" "Whuh..." I said, trying to form words, the bright light hurting my eyes as I forced them open, "whuh happen..?" "You were in an accident, Simon," said the man, his features coming into focus, "and you sustained a broken arm and a concussion, as well a few cuts that needed stitches, and a lot of bruises and minor abrasions. I'm Doctor Pincus, and you're in the Royal London Hospital at Whitechapel." I wasn't in any pain - presumably I was doped up - and a glance at my left arm showed it to be in a plaster cast, but none of that concerned me right then. "Jane," I said, "is my wife alright?" "I'm here, darling," said Jane, entering the room right on cue. She had a band-aid over one eye and a couple of stitches in a small cut under her chin but otherwise, miraculously, she seemed unharmed. "Are you...?" I said. "I'm fine, fine, don't worry about me." "The other car," I said. "How's the driver?" Jane and the nurse exchanged a quick, worried glance, but Doctor Pincus stared me right in the eye. "She's dead," he said. "We did a blood alcohol test and you were below the limit, but the police will still want to question you." "Yes, I suppose they will," I said, stunned by the fate of the other driver, my brain on automatic, "I mean, fatal accident and all; they have to follow the routine." "I...I'm afraid it's a bit more than just routine," said Jane, somberly. "You ran a red light. They're going to charge you with driving without due care and attention." Jane carried on talking but I'm afraid I didn't hear much after that. I started to shake as what I had done sank in. I had driven through a red light at speed and ploughed right into that woman. She never stood a chance. I wasn't over the limit, but it didn't matter. I'd been so wrapped up in my own problems that I hadn't been paying attention. I'd run a red light and a woman had died. This would definitely damage my chances of making partner at KLK but - and I could hardly believe I was thinking this way - right now even that didn't matter. What mattered was that I had killed a woman. I had killed her, she was dead, and she wasn't coming back. "Darling?" Jane had noticed I wasn't listening to her. "Yes, um, sorry," I said, still feeling dazed. I looked up to see Doctor Pincus studying me intensely. As I did so he reached some sort of decision. Taking a wall phone handset off its receiver he tapped in four numbers. "Sue?" he said. "There's a patient down in casualty that I need you to see." He rattled off all the relevant details of my case then put the receiver back in its cradle. "That was Doctor Swift, one of our therapists. I've arranged for her to give you trauma counselling. You're going to need it to enable you to deal with what happened." They wanted to keep me in for a couple of days - some concern about the concussion and delayed shock - and that was fine with me. Anything would've been fine with me at that point. Jane was allowed home, but she came back and visited me, of course. No-one from KLK visited me, not even my squash partner John Callis, but I did get a visit from someone else on the second day. "Simon Canning?" I looked up from where I lay to see a stranger standing in the doorway of my room. He was tall, dark-haired and a bit dishevelled, though he looked to be someone who normally took some pride in his appearance. "Do I know you?" I asked, puzzled. "No," he said, "no, you don't. My name's Martin Lambton. Joanna Lambton was my wife." "Joanna Lambton? I'm afraid I don't..." "She was the driver of the other car," he said, face distraught. "Oh," I said. "They...they never told me her name. Words can't begin to express how sorry I am about what happened." I meant that sincerely, but my heart fell. This was going to be excruciating. Why was he here? What did he want from me? Was he here to exact revenge on me for killing his wife? "What...?" I said, "why...?" It was not the most coherent I've ever been. "I accept it was an accident," he said, "that you didn't mean for it to happen, but I need you to know who Joanna was, to understand what her death means to me and to our daughter." He pulled a chair up beside my bed and I couldn't help but notice the large ring he wore on his right ring-finger. It was quite possibly the ugliest piece of jewellery I'd ever seen. Sitting down, he reached inside his jacket and pulled out a paper photo-wallet. "Here," he said, "these are of her." I took the wallet from him, took out the photos, and spread them out on the bed in front of me. They showed the family in happier times. Joanna was blonde, short and round-faced but quite pretty. Their daughter looked to be about three years old, dark-haired, lively-eyed, and as cute as a button. Why did there have to be a kid? Kids were my kryptonite. I mean, everyone has a right to legal representation, but I'd always made it clear to the firm that I would never defend a paedophile because it was hard to mount a defence when you wanted to take a baseball bat to your client. "Her name is Annabel," said Lambton, "and Joanna is the second mother she's lost." "The second? I don't..." "She was my sister's daughter," he said, tears beginning to form in his eyes, "we adopted her when her parents were killed in a boating accident." "I'm sorry," I said, not knowing what else I could say. "What are we going to do without Joanna?" he said, tears now running down his face, "what are we going to do?" I was right; this was excruciating. I wished with all my being the accident had never happened, but I wasn't sorry that I was the one of us who had survived. Yet I still found myself saying: "If I could take her place I would." And in that moment perhaps I even meant it, just a little. "Thank you," said Lambton, grasping my wrist, and causing me to start a little at how unnaturally cold the metal of his ring was against my skin, "that means a lot. I really shouldn't have barged in on you like this but I...are you alright, Mr Canning?" I was feeling queasy, the room beginning to spin. "Mus' be the concussion," I said, speech beginning to slur, "they tol' me that I...that..." Then all the lights went out. * 3. The First Day It felt like nothing more than snapping out of a momentary daydream, one of those times you zone out for a few seconds and then pull yourself back to the present with maybe a quick shake of the head. It was an unremarkable, almost trivial start to the most terrifying awakening of my life. One moment I was drifting off in my hospital bed and then, in what seemed to me no more than a second or two later, I had shaken myself awake and was now standing facing a woman who was threading an earring hook through a pierced earlobe. It took a second to register that I was looking into a mirror and the woman was me. I gasped in shock, my gaze snapping down, staring in amazement at the breasts outlined by the fabric of the cream silk blouse I was wearing. I grabbed them with my hands, noting my long painted nails as my senses confirmed the reality of those breasts, feeling their weight on my chest and the cups and straps of the bra that held them in place. In a panic, I grabbed at my crotch, finding only an absence where my dick should be. "No, no, no!" I whispered, beginning to hyperventilate, staring again at my reflection, at my long blonde hair (blonde?), my knee length skirt, dark pantihose, and at my painted face. (Make-up, I was wearing make-up!) The face was different - smaller nose and chin, smoother brow-line - but it was still recognisably my own. Somehow it had been transformed into that of a girl and - I realized with that small part of my brain that wasn't panicking - she was disturbingly pretty. Looking around me wildly, I quickly took in the small, unfamiliar bedroom I was in, the double bed, the wardrobe full of skirts and dresses and high heeled shoes, the dressing table with its array of cosmetics, and its two framed photographs. I walked over to the dressing table and stared at the pictures. One showed a bride and groom on their wedding day. I was the bride, and I looked radiantly happy. The groom was Martin Lambton. How was this possible? How could I suddenly be a woman and married to a man I had only just met? It was the second picture that gave me a clue. It showed me and him, and his daughter Annabel in a happy, smiling family photo. But this was not the three year old I had seen photos of what seemed only minutes ago to me. No, in this photo she was at least twice that age. Feeling suddenly faint, I went over to the bed and sat down heavily on it, only then realizing I was wearing three-inch heels. I had walked across the room without even noticing. The man I had been had never worn heels in his life and so would surely have stumbled in them, but the person I was now had the 'muscle memory' to walk in them without thinking about it. This and my altered face were proof this wasn't some elaborate hoax, that years had indeed somehow passed for me. I took several slow, deep breaths knowing these would have a calming effect on me, keeping me from trembing uncontrollably. Only then did I feel up to doing what needed to be done, to finding out what had happened and my current situation. The first thing I did was determine where I was. A quick search of the place revealed it to be a three-bedroom, ground floor flat with a small but servicable kitchen, living room, and bathroom/toilet. The largest bedroom was clearly the one I shared with Martin (shudder), the middle- sized one was obviously Annabel's, and the smallest had been turned into an office, complete with computer, filing cabinets, and an easel. Someone in the family was an artist. An opened letter on the desk from the local council to 'Mr & Mrs Lambton' revealed the flat was in Chiswick, West London. It was a big step down from the large house Jane and I had in Surrey, but a lot more convenient for Kirby Lieber & Kane. Jane! What had happened to Jane? And KLK! Did I even still work for them? This whole situation was terrifying and I felt totally lost. It was only concentrating on the task at hand, on figuring this stuff out, that was keeping me from losing it completely. I looked at the letter again. Under the Gender Recognition Act of 2004 someone who had undergone gender reassignment surgery could be both legally female and married to a man which, somehow, I now was. On the kitchen table was a small handbag - presumably mine - and a newspaper. The date on the newspaper hit me like a blow to the stomach. Four years. I had lost over four years. In the handbag I found one of those Oyster card things (what? I travelled on the London Underground now?), a hairbrush, various items of make-up, some money, credit cards, and a security pass. The credit cards were in the name of 'Simone Lambton', as was the security pass which, I was relieved to see, was for KLK. I was listed as an associate on it, so I guess I didn't make partner after all. In light of everything else I was dealing with, this was the least of my worries. Which is not to say I stopped picking up on small details. In the process of examining the contents of my handbag I noticed that my long fingernails were artificial. They were acrylic, and stuck over my normal length real nails. I wondered briefly why I used these rather than grow out my own nails before turning my attention to more important things. In the bathroom, I opened the medicine cabinet and found what I had expected to: a bottle of female hormone tablets with my name on the label. So sometime in the past four years I had undergone gender- reassignment surgery, had had a sex-change, but why? I had always been happy as a man had never once felt I was a woman trapped in a man's body, so why had I done this? Or had I? Could someone have coerced me into doing this, maybe hypnotised me, I wondered darkly? Examining my face carefully in the medicine cabinet mirror I found a thin, faint scar just above my hairline and another under my chin. As well as the obvious nose job I had clearly also had bonework done on my chin and browline to 'feminise' my face. The surgeon had done a good job. If I still had the equipment, I'd have fucked me. The equipment. I lifted my skirt, lowered my pantihose and panties and gingerly probed my genitalia, careful not to catch anything sensitive with my long nails. Yes, no doubt about it; I now had a vagina. I felt like I was going to be sick. And that was when I heard the door to the flat open. "Hi honey, I'm back!" called a male voice. "I dropped Annabel off at her friend Rachel's house so we're good to go." Then he appeared in the doorway of the bathroom and smiled at me. Shorter haired, better-dressed, and more toned, but it was still him: Martin Lambton. "What have you done to me, you bastard!!" I yelled. "What!?" he said, looking stunned. "Simone?" He moved forward, arms coming up to hug me, but I stopped him with a single withering look. "You turned me into a a woman!" I yelled. "Why did you do this to me?" "What? No! I didn't do anything! This is you...you wanted, needed to be a woman. I don't understand - you're my wife. I love you, Simone!" There was shock and horror on his face, but pleading in his voice. "What happened to the past four years?!" I shouted, "How did you make me forget them?!" He staggered back against the doorframe, aghast. "Oh God!" he said, "Oh my God! You don't remember?" "No I don't," I said, beginning to calm down as I realised this was almost as big a shock to him as it was to me. "Prior to half an hour ago the last thing I remember is meeting you for the first time in hospital. Now I'm a woman and suddenly we're happily married!" "We are," he said, looking stricken, "very happily." The way he said it, something in his voice... I let out a sigh and sat down on the edge of the bath, feeling deflated. He reached out a hand to comfort me, then thought better of it. "So," I said, "tell me everything that happened after our first meeting." "I buried Joanna, and Annabel and I tried to get on with our lives," he said, swallowing hard. "About eighteen months later, out of the blue, I got a phone call from you." "So we had no contact at all between then?" "No, none. I heard you'd received a hefty fine and had your driving licence revoked for five years, of course but, no, we had no contact. So you can imagine how surprised I was to hear from you. You said you were going through some changes and you needed to see me. From the way you sounded on the phone, from how your voice had changed, I knew what those changes probably were." "You did? How?" "Because Joanna was also transsexual. That's actually why you contacted me. You'd been finding out all you could about her, and on discovering she was a transwoman you decided I was someone you could talk to about your own situation." "Back up a bit. When we met in the hospital I was still a man and I thought I was happy that way. What happened in between?" "From what you told me, the concussion you had was worse than the doctors had thought so they ended up keeping you in hospital under observation for almost two weeks. The day after I visited you you got a roomate. Her name was Cindy and she was transsexual and, from the way you described her, pretty obviously so. She wasn't easily able to 'pass' like you and Joanna. You were a bit wary of Cindy at first, but she was intelligent and fun and you soon loosened up towards her. With just the two of you in that room together and only each other to talk to outside of visiting times you soon became fast friends. And somewhere in those almost two weeks you had an epiphany. You started to wonder what it might be like to be a woman, started to feel like maybe meeting Cindy was a sign." "Oh, come on! A sign? I decided to get my dick chopped off because of a sign?" "Well, no, I don't believe that bit either, but Cindy did awaken something inside you, something deep and buried that you'd never examined before. And they don't cut your penis off when they do a vaginaplasty. Yeah, they discard the testicles, but most of the rest they..." "OK, OK," I said, cutting him off as I started to feel queasy. "I'm still struggling with the fact it was done to me at all. I don't need the gory details. Where's Cindy now?" "I'm afraid she's dead. She had cancer and she didn't survive." I wish I could say a felt a sense of loss, but I didn't. She had apparently been my friend and hugely important in changing the direction of my entire life, but I had no memory of her whatsoever. "So how did you and I end up together?" "The way two people usually do. We spent a lot of time together while I was helping you deal with transitioning, and gradually we fell in love. After your divorce was finalised, we got married. Your father gave you away, and your sister Jennifer was your Chief Bridesmaid." That revelation was almost as shocking as my transformation. "My...family?" I said. "But I haven't spoken to them in years!" "You hadn't, no, but with the huge changes you were making in your life, the transition and everything, you were feeling vulnerable and uncertain and you decided to reach out to them. And they've been wonderful. They embraced you, and your relationship with your sister is better than it's ever been. You're not just sisters now, you're also really good friends. You were so relieved and grateful at how well your reunion turned out that you got quite teary and emotional about it with me afterwards. You told me the problems between you had all been your fault and that - and these are your words - maybe it took losing your dick to stop being a dick." It was a good line, but I couldn't ever imagine myself saying it. No, if I'd got "teary and emotional" then getting a pussy had turned me into a pussy. Still, I mustn't do anything hasty yet. I still needed to gather all the facts I could, bring myself up to speed on where I stood, and decide how to proceed from there. "The firm," I said, "tell me about it." "What do you want to know?" "I assume James Wheeler made partner?" "Yes, though they voted to keep the name. Out of respect for old man Lieber the firm won't become Kirby, Wheeler, and Kane until after his eventual death." "And me? What's my position in the firm?" "You're an associate working under Christina Kane and alongside Sophie Manners. Your division basically deals with cases involving race, gender, sexual orientation and other causes dear to Ms Kane." "Oh great! So rather than the juicy corporate stuff I was working on before I've been shunted off into Bleeding Heart Lane. This just keeps getting better and better." "Some of them are your causes, too, Simone," said Martin. "You're now the media liaison and main spokeswoman for the London Trans Alliance." "I'm *what*? Why would I take a post like that?" "Because you're a transwoman. Any prejudice or discrimination aimed at transsexuals is also aimed at you. After transitioning yourself you got pissed off at some of the stuff you discovered was happening and decided to get involved. You always stand up for yourself, and that's what this was." OK, that sounded like me, the first thing I'd heard so far that really did. "You said 'media liaison', so does that mean.....?" "TV, radio, newspapers - the works. There are recordings of all of your TV spots shelved next to the TV. You're pretty much the go-to person for the media these days when they need a comment on a trans-related story." Interesting. Not a role I'd have chosen for myself but that sort of profile might be useful for my career in the future. It always helped to look as if you cared about other people. The future. For a moment there I'd discounted what had happened to me and was thinking about the future and how to leverage the situation. But then that was me. The only way I could deal with this stuff was to ignore my feelings about it and to concentrate on what it meant for my career. If I let myself feel anything about my predicament I was afraid I might lose it, and that's something I would never do in front of someone else. Showing weakness was not an option. And, realistically, it was the best way to proceed. Everyone now knew me as Simone, a woman, and apparently accepted me that way. I could tell them a horrible mistake had been made and I wanted to be a guy again - and if I could wave a magic wand and make it so none of this had ever happened then I would, damn straight I would - but it *had* happened. Someone had killed Simon Canning as surely as if they had put a gun to his head. He was gone, and he wasn't coming back. Suddenly announcing I now wanted to change back would mark me as unstable, which would do my career no good whatsover. Plus, it wasn't as if they could give me back my dick, anyway. No, what had happened had happened and I needed to find a way to live with it and turn it to my advantage. I'd always claimed I could come out on top in any situation. I guess now was the time to prove it. I started to ask Martin what had happened to Jane then thought better of it. We'd divorced, for fairly obvious reasons, and I was sure she would be feeling bitter towards me. She had sacrificed her own ambitions to help achieve mine, so finding out I wasn't the man she thought I was must have seemed a huge betrayal. I really needed to see her, but not before I was ready. Maybe I'd look her up when I was more sure of where I stood with everyone else, but for now I had something else on my mind. "The skirt I'm wearing," I said. "What about it?" said Martin, looking puzzled. "It's part of a suit; the matching jacket is on a hanger hooked over the door of my wardrobe. I was putting in earrings and had obviously just finished doing my make-up. All of which means I was getting ready to go out. Where was I going?" "With me, to the launch of an the exhibition of my paintings at the Chapford Gallery in Bethnal Green." There was an awkward silence while I digested this. "I'll give your apologies," said Martin, "tell everyone you couldn't attend because you're unwell." "No, don't do that, I said, reaching a decision,"I'll come with you. I'll grab my jacket and then we'll go." I wanted to hide myself away and curl up into a ball, but though it would be easy, so very easy to go down that path I couldn't let myself succumb to self-pity. That wasn't who I was and I wasn't going to let this turn me into that person. No, I had to keep moving. At some point I would deal with the enormity of what had happened to me, but not now. I needed to distract myself with action, to get used to moving through the world like this as fast as I possibly could. Today was Saturday. On Monday I fully intended to return to work and not give anyone reason to believe that anything was wrong. However, my firm resolve weakened a bit when we reached the street and I grabbed Martin's arm. "I understand," he said patting my hand and giving me a smile of encouragement. "Even though it's not, this feels like your first time out in public dressed as a woman." He was right, and I was annoyed with myself. But I still kept hold of his arm all the way to the local Underground station. People looked at me, of course, but none of them were looks of disgust. The women looked me up and down, as if judging me and awarding points for presentation, while from the men I got looks of outright appreciation, often accompanied by smiles. I had to keep reminding myself of my own initial assessment of my appearance. I was now an attractive woman, dammit, so of course I was going to be looked at in that light. At one point I stumbled and Martin quickly caught me, preventing me from tumbling to the pavement. "Thanks," I said. Embarrassed, I felt the need to explain myself. "I made the mistake of thinking about how I was walking in high heels instead of just, y'know, *walking* so of course I stumbled. You'd do the same if you tried watching your feet while running downstairs." "I'm sure I would," he said. "Hmmm, I've just noticed something - you're speaking in your female register." "So?" I said, not grasping his point. "So that's a learned skill," he said. "I mean yes, it's good that you are, but with the memory loss I'd have expected you to have gone back to your male voice, yet you haven't. I wonder why." "Muscle memory?" I suggested. "Like how I can easily walk in heels as long as I don't think about it?" "I suppose," he said, not sounding entirely convinced. That ten minute walk was one of the most nerve-wracking things I'd ever done. It would get easier, though. It had to. As usual the Underground train journey was too noisy to hold much of a conversation, but it was long enough for me to start to feel uncomfortable with the looks I was attracting from the male passengers. Anyone who'd grown up as a pretty girl would be used to such attention, but having only just become one myself I wasn't yet able to casually ignore it. The closest stop to the gallery was Shoreditch High Street on the new Overground, a line that had not even existed four years ago. From here we walked up to Columbia Road where the Chapford Gallery sat amid a long row of small old shops that were now galleries, boutiques, arty bric-a-brac emporia, health food shops and the like. I hated it. Things improved considerably when we entered the gallery itself. Displayed on the walls were the original cover paintings of a score or more fantasy and science fiction books, many of which I recognised. I turned to Martin in amazement. "You painted these?!" I said. He nodded. "But I'm a big fan of fantasy and SF!" "I know," he said, grinning. "It was one of the things that drew us together." One painting in particular grabbed my attention. It was for an edition of Edgar Rice Burroughs' 'A Princess of Mars' and featured a bare- breasted Dejah Thoris displayed seductively in the foreground with John Carter striking a heroic pose behind her. The reason the painting drew my attention is because I instantly recognized who had been Martin's model for Dejah Thoris. It was me. I'd only been a woman a few hours (from my perspective) and already I was in a room that would shortly be full of strangers all of whom would be ogling my naked breasts at some point. Could things get any weirder? When reading books I'd always identified with the hero, with John Carter rather than Dejah Thoris. Did being female mean I'd now start identifying with the girlfriend? God, I hoped not! "They made a movie of 'A Princess of Mars' last year," said Martin, "though they called it 'John Carter'. "Really? Was it any good?" "I loved it, so did lots of people in the sci fi community, but unfortunately it bombed at the box office. I'm pretty sure it was deliberately sabotaged." "Why would it be sabotaged?" "Some bullshit studio politics, probably, with new guys coming in and wanting to make the previous guys who greenlit it look bad, hence the uninformative name and awful publicity campaign. But what really proves it was sabotaged is the merchandising." "What was wrong with the merchandising?" "There wasn't any. This was a Disney movie. It cost over two hundred million to make. When a Disney movie costs that much and is supposed to be the first in a franchise, the merchandising has been manufactured months in advance and is in the shops before the movie even opens. Not this time. There should've been Tars Tarkas action figures everywhere, but...nothing." If true, it certainly sounded like someone had it in for the film. Still, based on Martin's reccomendation I was looking forward to seeing it for myself eventually. We were among the first to arrive for the showing, but over the next hour the gallery filled up. I didn't know most of those present but they all seemed to know me and they greeted us warmly. This was just one more strange experience in a day overburdened with them. Something that did please me was not feeling short anymore. I was five-five - short for a man - but in my three inch heels I was not particularly short among the women. I liked those few inches of extra height so much I seriously considered never wearing flats again. Many of these people might have been strangers to me but one late arrival I did recognise, though Martin saw him first. "John!" he called out across the room, and I turned to see John Callis heading towards us. He looked trimmer, sharper and more confident than when I'd last seen him before the accident. Making his way purposefully through the clumps of people Callis took Martin's hand and shook it vigorously. Then he turned and gave me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. "Simone, I don't know how you do it but I swear you look lovelier every day!" "Thanks," I said, not really knowing what else to say. "How's my best man?" said Martin, giving him a thump on the shoulder. Best man? Callis was best man at our wedding? Say what? "Oh, you know, doing OK," he replied. "Up to my ears in a big corporate merger at the moment, but still managing to fit in a few games of squash here and there." Callis was now doing the sort of corporate business that was my domain while I was stuck with social work? Great, just great. A little later, when Callis left us to circulate among the other guests, I pulled Martin aside. "I don't get it," I said. "Callis was my colleague so why would you choose him to be your best man? Isn't that a role you usually give to your best friend?" "John *is* my best friend. He was the person you were closest to at your firm and he stood beside you and gave you his full support when you announced you were transitioning. Which is how I met him. Over time our friendship grew. When you and I decided to get married I could think of no one better to be my best man." So Callis had believed he and I were friends after all, and he had stood by me. Remembering how I'd thought of him back then I actually felt a little ashamed, something I didn't often feel and didn't much like. Shame, like guilt, was something that belonged to the weak. I thought I'd rid myself of both but apparently I still had work to do. The rest of the evening was more meeting and greeting and small talk, and as it passed I found myself relaxing more and my confidence growing. Despite knowing otherwise, I'd left the flat feeling like a man venturing onto the streets in drag for the first time but no one here or on the street had responded to me as anything other than the woman I appeared to be, the woman I now was. Which meant that I too had now accepted it and I was sure I could appear alone in public with confidence from here on out. I still let Martin take my hand when we left the exhibition and walked back to the tube station, however, both as a little reward for him and because it was something I was going to eventually have to get used to. Back in Chiswick we first called in at her friend Rachel's house to pick up Annabel. I got an unexpected shock when Rachel's mother opened the front door. It was my colleague Sophie Manners. "Hi," she said, smiling, "come on through to the lounge. The girls have just finished watching 'Mulan' so your timing is perfect." As we followed her through to the lounge I shook my head, annoyed with myself. At the time of my accident Sophie's daughter was three years old and I had no idea what her name was. I'm sure she had mentioned it many times but it wasn't something I had bothered to remember. That was a mistake. Any piece of data however trivial could prove to be useful at some point. "Mummy! Daddy!" said Annabel on seeing us. She leapt up from the sofa and threw her arms around my waist, clearly delighted to see me. I patted her head uncertainly, not knowing what else to do. "Thanks for looking after her for us, Sophie," said Martin. "Hey, it was my pleasure. Rachel's less trouble when her best friend is over." "Yeah, well we'd better be getting her home," said Martin. "We're back later than planned and it's past her bedtime." We walked back to our flat with Annabel between us, holding our hands and skipping along. She was in high spirits and chatted non-stop about anything and everything that popped into her head. "Alright button," said Martin when we arrived back at the flat, "brush your teeth then straight to bed, OK?" "OK, Daddy," she said. When she'd left us I looked at Martin in wonder. "She really loves me," I said. "We both do..." he replied. "Please don't," I said, cutting him off. "I accept that you do, and all the physical evidence, the photos and the like, confirms it. But I don't remember any of that stuff. You seem like a nice guy but I don't know you. To me you're a virtual stranger I met for the first time just a few hours ago. It feels like I've fallen through the looking glass and ended up in a world that's not my own. Even my body has been changed in ways that strike at my very identity and sense of self. That I'm not a gibbering wreck right now is a testament to my strength of will, but don't think for a minute that I'm finding this easy." Martin reached out to touch my shoulder, then thought better of it. "I'm sorry," he said. "I don't want your sympathy!" I snapped. "I'm not a victim. I don't do victimhood. Only the weak and stupid allow themselves to be victims. This is something that happened to me, that I will deal with. I was telling you where I was in that process. It's early days, but I promise you I *will* deal with this. I'll then put it behind me and move on. That's what I do. That's who I am." "I understand. Please don't take this as in any way doubting your ability to do so, but if you need help at any time I'm there for you, unconditionally. I will always be there for you." I gave a small nod, and searched his face intensely. He certainly seemed to be sincere. My examination was interrupted by Annabel yelling from her bedroom. "Mummy I need you to brush my hair!" "You brush her hair every night - thirty strokes," said Martin. "You always say it's one of your favourite parts of the day, but I'll do it if you don't want to." "No, that's OK," I said. "I don't want to upset her by disrupting her routine." When I entered her bedroom Annabel was already in her nightdress and sitting on her bed, holding a hairbrush. When she saw me her face lit up in a huge smile. I don't remember anyone ever being so pleased to see me before. I sat down next to her on the bed and slowly brushed her hair. Thirty strokes. It was an oddly soothing task and I was almost sorry when I made the final stroke. As I finished, Annabel turned and hugged me. "I love you, Mummy," she said. "I love you too, sweetie," I replied, kissing her on the top of the head. "Now go to sleep, okay?" "OK, Mummy." Leaving her bedroom I closed the door behind me and sighed. I didn't love her - I didn't even know her - but I knew I very easily could. There's something about the innocent, totally unconditional love of a child than can pierce almost anyone's defences, even mine. "I'm going online for a bit before bed," I said to Martin. "You'll be sleeping on the sofa." "Of course," he said, looking disappointed but resigned. Sitting at the computer I googled my type of amnesia. I had to try a few different word combinations but eventually I found what I was looking for. It was the story of a woman who around 1970 suffered a memory loss in which the previous eight years of her life vanished and she woke up believing it was still 1962. This was a huge shock to her particularly since she was now older, fatter, and married to someone else. I could relate. And she didn't believe what had happened to the US in those eight years either, particularly that men had gone to the moon. I felt real sympathy for her. The America of 1970 was a radically different country to the America of 1962. Her culture shock must have been immense. A more recent case was that of a man who suffered a severe reaction to a bee sting and woke convinced it was still the 1980s, poor sod. So my condition, while rare, was not unknown. Interesting. Next, I checked the browser's history bar and found a link for the London Trans Alliance. I clicked on this and was taken straight to a private discussion list - since no password had been requested I was obviously still logged in from my last visit. I read the various threads with interest, getting a feel for the things and issues I would be expected to know something about. One of the more heated discussions concerned the word 'tranny', which American posters thought was offensive. No surprise there - the Yanks were always falling over themselves to declare words offensive. They thought it as offensive as the 'F-word' ("faggot", apparently) and the 'N-word'. On this side of the Atlantic a faggot was a large meatball, as a simple google image search would reveal, so that wasn't perhaps the best comparison to make, but the Americans seemed to have the support of some of the younger British trans activists. Arguing the other side were some of their older counterparts, one of whom wrote that: "'tranny' is not our 'N-word', it's our 'Q-word'." This is something I would obviously be expected to have an opinion on, but I couldn't locate a post where I had come down on one side or the other so I guess I'd just have to play it by ear until I could figure this out from what others said to me. I noted the next meeting of the LTA was Monday evening. This would mean meeting another group of people I didn't know despite them knowing me, but I would be there. I checked out a few news sites to get a feel for the current situation in the UK and beyond then decided to turn in. The day had taken a lot out of me and I was really tired but not so tired that I didn't study my make-up very carefully before removing it with cold cream. I was going to have to reapply it in the days to come so I needed to memorise the end result I'd be aiming for. There were some instructional DVDs and books on cosmetics on the shelf above the computer which I hoped would set me on the right path, but I would still need to practice applying it over the weekend. With my make-up removed I was surprised by how much younger I looked. I was 31 years old yet I had the face of a teenager. I'd always looked younger than my years but not this much younger. Obviously a side-effect of the facial feminization surgery. Clearly, I was going to have to be careful not to be seen without make-up on by anyone important if I wanted to be taken seriously. Rising from the dressing table, I went and stood in front of the full- length mirrored doors of the closet. It was time to undress, to take the first proper look at my altered body, and I was nervous as hell about it. Not wanting to prolong things I quickly stripped off all my clothes and only then turned to face myself in the mirror. When I did I was....impressed? Relieved? Shocked? All of those things actually. The thing was, I looked just like someone who had been born female - a 'ciswoman' as they were referred to on the LTA website. The redistribution of the fat on my slight frame resulting from the hormone pills I was taking had made me look entirely natural. The inviting cleavage of my ripe young breasts, my narrow waist, and the firm, round buttocks of my shapely bottom, all added up to an enviable set of female curves. I'm sure most little girls would be delighted if they grew up to look like me. Unfortunately I'd started out as a little boy and to look like this had never been on my wish list. Still, if I had to be female then better to be a fox than a dog. There were a number of very feminine nighties in my closet but I decided to sleep in the buff, at least for tonight. A nightdress would have been one new strangeness too many to have to deal with. I climbed beneath the sheets and lay awake for longer than I should have. I was used to having Jane in bed beside me and had never liked sleeping alone anyway. Sleep eventually came, but I had a restless night disturbed by troubling dreams. * 4. The Second Day I was awoken the next morning by someone jumping onto the bed next to me. I opened a bleary eye to be greeted by a smiling young face beaming down at me. It took a second or two for me to recognise that face and for memories of yesterday to come flooding back. "'Morning, Annabel," I said. "Good morning, Mummy!" she squealed. "Let Mummy wake up properly and get dressed, sweetie," said Martin, entering the bedroom. He was carrying a cup of coffee. "OK, Daddy!" said Annabel, leaping from the bed and zooming out of the room. Martin placed the coffee on the bedside table as I raised myself to a sitting position, pulling the sheet around my naked breasts. He leaned in and kissed my forehead, which I decided to let pass. This time. "What's this?" I said. "You're always up and away before me during the week but on the weekend I'm usually awake first so I bring you a coffee in bed. It's a little ritual we have. "Okay...," I said slowly. "What other 'rituals' do we have for a Sunday?" "We get up, have breakfast together, potter about for a couple of hours reading newspapers or surfing the web, then we go for a walk in the park. Then, after a lunchtime meal in the local pub - the only time we eat out most weeks - you head over to Christina Kane's house. She has you over most Sunday afternoons to go through the cases you're working on and so be prepped and ready on Monday morning. She always sends a car to pick you up, and to bring you back in the evening." "Then I guess that's our schedule for the day. Now leave me so I can shower and get dressed." Downing the coffee, I put on my bathrobe and padded through to the bathroom. After a quick shower I returned to the bedroom. Examining the contents of my closet it was immediately apparent which were my work and non-work clothes. The former consisted mainly of tailored skirt- suits with knee-length hemlines, while the latter were made up of more colourful skirts and dresses with much shorter hemlines. Clearly, I liked showing off my legs which, I had to admit, looked pretty spectacular in a skirt and heels. I had hoped for some jeans or slacks but the only trousers I appeared to own were a pair of skimpy silver shorts. Silver? I couldn't imagine when I would ever wear such a thing, but there they were. Wanting something that would do for the three distinct parts of the day Martin had described I opted for a fairly casual if conservative look, but with heels - I really liked those extra inches in height. In the kitchen I found Martin serving up bacon and eggs for Annabel and himself. On the table in front of my chair was a bowl of grapefruit slices, a crispbread, and a fresh cup of coffee. I let out a rueful sigh. So this was the sort of breakfast I had to look forward to now. We ate in comparative silence, with me studying the others thoughtfully. The man across the table from me was my husband. However much I rolled that idea round in my mind it was still beyond weird. He and Annabel were my family, and everyone accepted us as such. From what I could tell, we'd been very happy as a family, too. I accepted this, but I was a long way from embracing it. After breakfast we sat round reading the Sunday papers, while Annabel played on the computer. This was useful in helping to bring me up to speed on current events, but I still found myself frequently peering over the top of my paper and watching Martin. He caught me a couple of times, but just smiled and returned to reading his own paper. I excused myself after a bit and went into the bedroom. Sitting at my dressing table, I pulled out my cosmetics and spent a couple of hours carefully practicing putting on and taking off my make-up. I was hardly super- proficient at the end of that time but I had at least managed to do a job I considered just about passable. With practice I would get better. A walk in the park with Annabel between us, holding our hands, was followed by a meal in the local pub, just as Martin had said. All in all it had been a very pleasant and relaxing morning, something I had needed more than I realised. The pub served Thai food, and since he currently knew more about my diet than I did I let Martin order for me. Our post-meal conversation was about the science-fiction and fantasy books we both enjoyed. I needed to know more about this stranger I was married to but for now I deliberately shied away from anything too personal. There would be time for that in the days and weeks to come. There was something formal and polite about our interactions, an awkwardness it would take time to overcome so, as pleasant as the day had been to date I was relieved when it was time for me to go over to Christina Kane's. Yet as I was getting ready a strange thought occured to me: could it be magic that had made me want a sex-change? Did such a thing even exist? I remembered that weird ring Martin had been wearing when we first met, how strange it felt against my skin. I said that I'd gladly take the place of his dead wife and the next thing I knew I had, in every particular. Was it possible? "Martin," I said, "do you still have that ring you were wearing when you visited me in hospital?" "That old thing? Yeah, it's in the top left drawer of the desk, I think. I haven't worn it in years. Why on Earth would you be interested in that?" "No particular reason," I said, going to the desk and retrieving it. It was every bit as ugly as I remembered. "Do you remember where you got it?" I asked. "Yeah, Joanna found it on a stall at a craft fair we visited once. She bought it for me so I felt like I had to wear it even though I never really liked it." Was this the truth, or a lie to put me off the scent? Was I being crazy for even entertaining the idea that magic might be real? A car horn played Colonel Bogey - illegally - in the street outside. "That'll be the car for you," said Martin. I gathered up my handbag, slipped the ring inside, and headed out. "See you later," I said, not looking back. The car, a mini, was parked a little way up from our building and so out of sight of the windows. The passenger door opened as I approached it and I climbed in. To my surprise the driver was Christina Kane's girlfriend Kelly Price, and she was dressed as a schoolgirl, but there was a bigger surprise in store for me. "Hello, gorgeous!" she said, leaning over. She pulled me towards her and started kissing me. I've always had the ability to respond instantly to almost any situation and so immediately started kissing her back. Surprised I may have been, but Kelly would have noticed no hesitation on my part because there was none. I didn't know what the kissing meant, but as surprises go they didn't get much better than this. All too soon, Kelly broke our lip-lock and started the car up. Then, after squeezing my thigh and giving me a dazzling smile, she pulled out into traffic. "What's with the schoolgirl outfit?" I said. "I mean it looks amazing on you but...." "St. Trinians," she replied. "Cate Hunter, a new model at my agency who's also a really good actress, had a role in the new movie and the rest of us got to be non-speaking schoolgirl extras. They took publicity shots yesterday at the end of the shoot and then afterwards there was a party at Cate's flat for her nineteenth birthday. Since we don't have to return the uniforms 'til tomorrow we all wore them to the party." "Hmm, and you're still wearing yours today," I said. "It looks like someone got lucky last night and hasn't had a chance yet to go home and change." Kelly both blushed and grinned. "It was a *very* good party," she said. "So you like the uniform?" "I do. Very much." "Oh good, because we're stopping off at Cate's on the way to pick up one for you. She has one that should fit you so we can give Christina a surprise." "That sounds like fun," I said, but my mind was racing. Clearly, Kelly and Christina had an open relationship, and judging by that kiss Kelly and I were more than just acquaintances. Also, if we were dressing as schoolgirls to surprise Christina I somehow doubted I was heading to a work-related briefing. No, I was pretty sure I was on my way to a threesome with her and Kelly. Which I have to admit was an idea that excited me. Since Martin believed this was a work-related visit, it looked like I was cheating on him. I can't say I felt any guilt. He might be my husband but from my point of view we'd only met for the first time yesterday and I barely knew the man. So screw him, basically. It turned out that Cate Hunter lived little more than ten minutes away from me in a large, somewhat shabby old Victorian house that had been converted into flats at some point, as so many in London had. There was a silver BMW already parked in front of it and no space for another car, so Kelly parked on a street which ran down one side of the house. As we got out of the mini she announced: "And that's Cate." I looked about me in confusion, seeing no one on the street who looked like they could be a top model. "Where?" I said. Kelly grinned, then indicated high up on the other side of the street with her eyes. I followed her gaze upwards to the billboard on the end wall of the terrace opposite. Advertising Godiva Cosmetics and pouting down from it was possibly the most beautiful girl I'd ever laid eyes on. "Wow." I said. "Yeah, she's something special, isn't she?" said Kelly. "C'mon, let's go meet her." We walked around to the front of the house where a tall, good looking young guy about twenty years old was depositing black plastic sacks full of rubbish in the house's wheelie-bins. He was about six-three and wearing jeans and a T-shirt that stretched over a mighty torso and displayed seriously muscular arms. This was someone who worked out. A lot. "Hi, Mike!" said Kelly, as we approached. "Oh, hi, Kelly," he replied looking up and favouring us with a grin. He looked way too self-satisfied and pleased with himself for my taste, the sort of guy who thinks he's God's gift to women. "I'm heading off to the bottle bank now with a pile of empties from last night," he said, "but Cate is expecting you so go right on in. You know the way." We walked up the path to the front door and I happened to glance up and see a small, elderly woman watching us from an upstairs window. When she saw I'd seen her she let her net curtains close. Just another nosey old lady who liked to keep track of everyone else's business. They were everywhere. As we reached the door it opened and we were confronted by a tall, dark-haired young beauty in heels, tight jeans and a leather jacket. She looked more Latina than English rose and was stunning enough to give Cate Hunter a run for her money. Behind her was a much shorter, somewhat portly middle-aged woman in a tailored skirt-suit that did the best that could be done to flatter her overweight figure. "Hello, Jade," said Kelly. "Back already?" "Hi Kelly," chuckled the young woman. "You looked like you were enjoying yourself last night, and you're still wearing your St. Trinian's uniform, I see?" She raised an eyebrow and Kelly blushed, then they both burst out laughing. "Yeah, I had a *really* good time last night!" she agreed. She then turned to me and said, "This is my friend Simone." "Pleased to meet you," said Jade, shaking my hand, "This is my mother." More handshakes all round, then Jade said: "I wish I could stay and chat, but I promised Mum I'd give her a lift to an appointment and we're running late. It was good seeing you again, Kelly." "Yeah, you too. See you." Jade and her mother then headed out to the silver BMW. "Who was *that*?" I asked Kelly. "She's gorgeous." "Yeah, she is. Jade Hart, one of our agency's top models and a designer of really wonderful, top-end lingerie. These days she mostly models her own creations and only rarely does the occasional show. She's married and has a son. A shame she's monogamous. Her wife is a lucky woman." In the house we climbed some stairs to a landing off which were two flats. Kelly rang one of the doorbells, and the door was opened by the woman whose face we had seen outside on the billboard. She was even more beautiful in person. "Kelly!" she squealed, and the two of them hugged and exchanged air- kisses. "And this is my friend Simone," said Kelly, introducing me for the second time in as many minutes. "I recognise you from TV," said Cate Hunter. "though you're much prettier in the flesh. I'm a great admirer of your work on trans issues. I'm really pleased to meet you." She gave me a quick hug and air-kiss too. I was pleased by the attention from someone so drop-dead gorgeous, but being told how pretty I was still felt odd. "So," she said to Kelly as she ushered us inside, "you spent most of the party sitting on Lorna Cheung's lap and snogging while she fondled you. Since you're still wearing the schoolgirl uniform I'm guessing she took you back to her place." "I cannot tell a lie," said Kelly, a big grin on her face. "What with the party and then Lorna that was one amazing night." "And we still have wine left over from it," said Cate. "Can I interest you both in a glass?" "Okay," I said, the first word I had spoken since we had arrived. I'm not usually struck dumb by someone's beauty but Cate Hunter was something special. We were three blondes (not natural in my case), all of us attractive, and Cate stunningly so. At nineteen she was over a decade younger than me, still a kid really, yet she had a poise and confidence impressive in one so young. Being models, she and Kelly were both taller than me and I ruefully reflected that despite being among women I was still the shortest person in the room. We sat down on the sofa while Cate went into the kitchen, returning with a bottle of white that had obviously been opened the previous night then re-corked. She poured us each a glass, then settled back in an armchair and lit a cigarette. "Your elderly neighbour seems very interested in everyone's coming and goings," I said. "She watched Kelly and me walk up to the front door." "Oh that's Mrs Ellaby, our landlady," said Cate. "She's nosey in that way women her age can be but she's a friendly old dear, bless her, and she fusses over us like a mother hen. She was pretty lonely after her partner died last year, but just recently she started dating our downstairs neighbour Colonel Pottingham. They're such a sweet old couple and are just totally adorable together. Watching their romance develop has been a joy." Cate was interrupted by the doorbell ringing. She went out into the small hallway to answer the door and spent a couple of minutes talking to someone we couldn't see. 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Daughters Incestuous Therapy 1 Incestuous Awakening

(An Incestuous Harem Story) Chapter One: Incestuous Awakening By mypenname3000 Copyright 2019 Note: Thanks to wrc264 for beta reading this! Session 1 with Mercedes Daniels The click-click of the metronome echoed through my office. I sat cross-legged on my chair, my skirt riding up enough to show the tops of the beige, thigh-high stockings I wore. I had my e-ink tablet on my lap, ready to take notes as my patient sat on the cream-colored loveseat across from me. Mercedes Daniels looked...

2 years ago
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Her Awakening

No, this couldn’t be happening, she thought. This was not something she would ever dream of doing, no, she was a “good girl”. She had never even had a one-night stand, how could she now want to do this? She couldn’t help but relive that day. It was a warm late winter day, the kind that makes you know you’ve made it through the winter and that spring was on the verge of blossoming. I had had flights of fancy before, but something was brewing inside that was totally new. I had taken to calling...

3 years ago
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Mom8217s Summer Sexcapades 8211 Ch 1 Awakening

Prologue: The untimely summer rains kept pattering on the panes as I felt jolt after jolt of uninhibited orgasm escape my body like never before! Moans mixed with the fumes rising from the hot earth as the rains quenched the parched thirst of the soil quite parallel to the way Raju was ravishing my mom inside the car. Biting, nibbling, gobbling leaving no posture of oral sex fervor untouched! It was as if both their libidos were set ablaze in the lonely countryside as passion flared up in the...

Incest
2 years ago
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Painted Lady Nikkis Awakening

Tales From The Painted Lady: Nikki's Awakening - By Beryl33 Hello, everyone! This is Nikki again, chambermaid at The Painted Lady. I've had some requests for the beginning of my story, the tale of how I became Mistress Anne's devoted - and transformed! - "lesbian" slavegirl and slutty she-male maid. Here's how it all began: I woke slowly, or half-woke, still drifting in the dream - a bizaare but very erotic dream in which I tried on various pieces of lingerie at the orders of a...

2 years ago
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Andersonville 22 The Awakening

Mike Stoner sat and watched as his boss read the report. Dennis Butz scanned through each page carefully, taking extra time to check out the psychological profile Mike had prepared. Satisfied with what he saw, Dennis placed the report down next to him. "Very thorough," he stated. "Thank you," Mike smiled. Dennis Butz was a good man to work for. "I think she is a very good choice for who you have in mind." Dennis nodded. "When can you move her?" "Tomorrow morning. I...

2 years ago
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Carolines Awakening

Caroline's Awakening Caroline's Awakening The setting sun lazily flashed and flickered off the final water jump. Caroline dug her boot heels in to goad her horse, Odyne, to complete the final jump. Before the ripples caused by the mud falling from the horses hoofs had reached the bank, she had crossed the line to what can only be described as polite, almost sympathetic applause.?Bugger? she thought, disheartened in knowing that for the third year running she had failed to finish inside...

3 years ago
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My Awakening

My Awakening My Awakening Part 1; The day was like any other day. I got out of bed somewhere around 3 PM, but only because I set my alarm. I took a quick shower and forgot to shave. I played around on my computer for a while, then I was off to work. I'm only 23 and I own my mother's old corner store, after she sold it to me for basically nothing as she expanded her other businesses. Anyway, it was a Saturday night, which is a corner store's best night. That meant I could have two people...

2 years ago
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Antheas baby 1

“What’s wrong? What’s wrong?”Anthea looked up at her mum as she sat down at the dining table. “Nothing is wrong,” Anthea responded watching as her mum hurriedly dried her hands with a tea towel.“Is the baby okay? Are you okay? Is Jack okay?” she asked as her husband came into the room and pulled up a seat at the table.“We’re all fine Mum,” she responded exasperated with her mum’s anxiety. “I have something to tell you.”“Sit down Helen,” her dad snapped. “Give the lass a chance to speak.”Anthea...

4 years ago
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Uther

Uther By Ellie Dauber (c) 2006 Introduction According to the legends of King Arthur, Merlin changed Uther Pendragon into a double for Duke Gorlois, so he could spend the night with Ygraine, the Duke's wife. Ygraine and Gorlois had three daughters: Elaine, Morgause, and Morgan le Faye. During their time together, Ygraine became pregnant with the child who was to become King Arthur. Uther's men killed Gorlois that same night. This is my TG (of course) version of what...

2 years ago
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Carruthers Bride

The the wind howled around the quayside as I stepped onto terra firma for the first time in weeks, the wind threw sharp shards of ice to sting our faces as we looked up at the sails as they were finally furled and stowed as our captain grinned at our discomfiture, "Au revoir!" he joked as if he knew we should soon be recalled. Those such as were left, and we were few enough, I shuddered. My best uniform packed securely in my Valise, awaited me, and just a few more duties before I...

3 years ago
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Bree 6 The Awakening

Introduction: Girlfriends 1st Time with Dog & Pony NOTE: If you have not read the previous Bree stories 1-5, I would highly suggest that you do, so you can have a historical perspective of the past history of the people involved, that events that lead up to each individual chapter and how this lifestyle has evolved among these friends. If you have not read Bree 5, it is a prerequisite as Bree 6 is the continuation of where Bree 5 laid the groundwork and left off, then Bree 7 Shannons Encounter...

3 years ago
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The Awakening

THE AWAKENING By Betty Noone The Beginning Howard Polk, Age 34, and Margaret (Maggie) Polk, age 33 were in the kitchen of their home having the most important conversation of their lives since their marriage ten years ago. They were both college professors with doctorate degrees, he in History and she in Economics. While very young for such an honor, they were both tenured at their school and each earned just short of $100,000.00 a year. They had two children, a boy named Mark,...

4 years ago
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Bree 6 The Awakening

I have tried to accurately represent the events as they were related to me and have submitted the manuscripts back to those who provided the information for review for accuracy. As a reminder, you are encouraged to read these stories in succession so you will gain an understanding of how these events began and unfolded over time. 41 Pages Bree 6 The Awakening About a month before the planned get together at the ranch, they all met in San Antonio at The Shops of LaCanterra to...

1 year ago
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The Long Hot Summer The Awakening

Purely Erotic Fiction. THE LONG HOT SUMMER – The Awakening Chapter 1 Well, as all things seem to go in life, new opportunities and experiences present themselves at unexpected times, and in unbelievable places. My story begins when I was a few days away from my eighteenth birthday. I was a bit of a shy guy, a studious “straight A” student, a good athlete, lettering in a number of sports, and really naïve about sex. I had offers from a number of very good universities, so life was good....

Incest
1 year ago
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Motherless Vintage

Do you know of the porn site Motherless.com? You should. I’ve reviewed it a few times on my site, The Porn Dude, although it was for different genres every time. This time around, I’m going back to this place and looking at a specific and niche little category many of you are just begging me to cover. We’re looking at vintage porn today. While it doesn’t have the same resolution and quality as the porn you can find today, it’s definitely a genre of porn that has a lot of personality to it and...

Vintage Porn Sites
3 years ago
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Althea

I should have known better. I should have remembered that old saying, "If it looks too good to be true, it is." I was in love. She was damned near all I thought about with the exception of my studies and it didn't make sense to me. I prided myself on my intellect and my ability to think logically, but there wasn't anything logical about the way I felt about Althea. She was beautiful, smart and very popular and I was not. I wasn't a bed looking guy, but I was nothing exceptional. I was...

1 year ago
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Motherless Images

Motherless. A one-word website title that says everything it needs to say. This is a site where the rules are, more or less, completely thrown out the window, morality means absolutely nothing, and there is nobody to save you from it. Hedonism is God here.The site likely is also called this due to the fact that the girls who end up on motherless.com likely have no positive female influence in their lives to keep them from it. Motherless is the place parents spend their whole lives fearing that...

Porn Pictures Sites
2 years ago
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Blinding Lust 2 The Dark Lords Awakening

Disclaimer: I hoped you liked the first part of this saga I have started…its my first sex story, I have yet to expand more…but I hope you will understand…I will try my best to meet your expectations in the stories to follow…but I hope you will follow this story as it progresses…and it would be helpful if you leave me comments…hope you will enjoy… …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………. Blinding Lust 2 – The Dark Lords Awakening No ordianry man could hear it, and he...

3 years ago
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Second Nature The Awakening

Second Nature: The Awakening By Crystalline Chapter 1 - A Hopeless Struggle I was faced with a situation that was just out of the realm of my ability to handle. Sure, I was one of the most powerful people on the face of the planet. I have the ability to use the energy of my own soul as a weapon. I am what's known as an extradimensional. You see, in my world, angels, demons, dragons, they aren't myth. They're real, and they're damned strong. Myself, I'm half-demon. You can call...

1 year ago
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Motherless Amateur

I always considered Motherless the “4chan” of porn. Not only because Motherless was somewhat popularized there, but because Motherless also encourages users to share their own content in a very open way. This means minimal bullshit like moderation and censorship, and a strong “anything goes” attitude that leads to free and extreme content. It encourages people to create and upload their own homegrown content, like videos of their girlfriend pissing or spycam videos of their cousin....

Amateur Porn Sites
1 year ago
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Motherless BBW

What is it about Motherless that makes me fucking cum every time? Maybe it is how raw and amateur the porn on the site comes across as, or the content is just that fucking hot. Perhaps it is the fact that there is an astronomical amount of pornography just waiting for a dumb fuck like you to beat off to! I really don’t know, and frankly, I’m not going to pretend that I do.But what I do know is that if you love BBWs, the Motherless.com homepage will not be of much use! Preferably, head on over...

BBW Porn Sites
1 year ago
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Motherless Voyeur

Have you ever heard about a website called Motherless? Home to all kinds of kinky porn niches, with a side of the mainstream crap? If you are into some questionable fap content, you might want to check this website out. Plus, Motherless is a free porn website, so you can browse as much as you fucking want. Now, I am not really here to talk about the website in general… I am here to tell you about their amazing category, called voyeur porn.The world of voyeur fucking is a rather interesting one....

Voyeur Porn Sites
2 years ago
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Aether Guardians

The Five Kingdoms of Arstoria had been embroiled in the Great Ancient War for centuries. The war came to an end when Kalace, the Wizard King conquered the five lands and brought them under his rule. Kalace, the Wizard King of Arstoria, conquered all of his opponents who were unable to deal with his overpowering magic. When Kalace had united the five kingdoms, he brought peace to the warring kingdoms and was revered and celebrated by his later generation. Kalace, however, had a dark weakness in...

Fantasy
1 year ago
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Motherless Creampie

Woah, did Motherless.com get a facelift? I know I suggested it in my review, so I guess they listened to me! Well, I’m not going to brag too much about it, and instead, I’m going to focus on what I’ve set out to bring you today. We’re looking at an amateur website, and I just know that many of you are begging for amateur creampie content, so that’s what we’re looking at. I know how much you think Motherless can look sickening and pretty gruesome at times, but the creampie content can be quite...

Creampie Porn Sites
1 year ago
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Motherless Cuckold

No matter what type of porn you may be in the market for, Motherless has an ample supply of it, and cucking is no different. Actually, this might help to explain how you ended up being such a pussy little cuck.The journey that brought you to my website reading cuck porn reviews started in your childhood. A fair portion of my readership is actually motherless. Why, you ask? Your guys' moms chose a life of cucking and riding cock instead of raising you fucks properly.Don't worry, gents. I'm in...

Cuckold Porn Sites
1 year ago
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Motherless Horror

I browsed the horror stash at Motherless all morning, and now I don’t know if I should jack off or go hide in the closet until the danger has passed. Then again, hiding out might give me the perfect opportunity to rub one out in the peace and safety of the dark. Who knows who—or what—might be peeping in the windows with nefarious intent if I sit at my desk and shake my dick at the screen. Just like when I masturbate at the local Starbucks, I’ve got to be sure to balance the potential pleasure...

Extreme Porn Websites
3 years ago
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The Awakening

Sometimes you are just going through one of the more mundane parts of your life and suddenly something happens that awakens a part of you that you never knew was there….. It was back in the mid-nineties. I was a 30-something working mom back then, married (though I can’t say happily). I was doing well with my career having risen to the level of mid-management with a nationwide telephone corporation. In mid-summer of whatever year it was, about eighty men and women from around the country...

1 year ago
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Motherless Incest

Incest porn has been a staple of pornography since the very first incel caveman realized that he couldn’t find fresh pussy out and about. He resorted to sniffing a whiff of his mother’s loincloth when she wasn’t looking, and beating his old cave meat into a leather sock.Now personally I’m not into the whole mommy-son dynamic – I’m a classy guy. But it’s no secret people like to get freaky when the lights go out, and if you’ve got a stiffy in your hand and you’re on Motherless, you gotta go...

Incest Porn Sites
2 years ago
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Kellys Awakening

Introduction: How Kellys adventures began This is rather a short opening, not as much sex as you may want but Ill upload more of the story in future depending on the response Kellys Awakening Part One Kelly Richmond was having a very bad day. It had been about 20 minutes since she had hung up the phone and she was still in shock. Jennifer, her girlfriend for the last 9 months, had ended their relationship with a phone call! Not only that, but Jennifer had admitted that she had been having...

2 years ago
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Samantharsquos ReAwakening

I had no problem spotting her. I was waiting for her to arrive at the airport and there was no doubt it was she. Samantha is an elegant woman with very prominent breasts. She dresses impeccably and somehow appears both distant and erotic at the same time. She smiled as she recognized me and I felt her full body as we embraced; sliding one big tit under my arm as we kissed hello. It was a soft but meaningful kiss followed by a "so glad we finally meet." For myself, I was pretty close to...

3 years ago
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Elis Awakening

Chapter One(Written in First Person)I'd lived a comfortable life. As comfortable as one could get considering my mom had died when I was ten. However, I never grew up bitter about it because I have a great father.My dad told me he and my mom had met when he had come to teach her to play jazz piano and it had been love at first sight. I found out later from a journal of mom's I'd found in her box in the attic that it had really been lust at first sight.He was fifteen, when he stepped into my...

4 years ago
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My sexual awakening

My sexual awakening started around 12 when I would wake in the morning with something large in my groin area.I went to stay with friends near the beach and they had a lovely 14 year old daughter whose feminine attributes had already formed as it would appear her boobs were well developed.We all went swiming in the surf not 2 rough just right.All of us were just standing around talking and laughing and each time a wave would arrive I noticed that 'her' boobs would just float out the top of her...

2 years ago
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Rogues Story Part One The Awakening

Rogues Story – Part One -The AwakeningThis story couldn't have been written without one man, you know who you are! She quickly turns the ornate gold tap in the opulent ladies room of the country house, and grabs a handful of paper towels that were neatly placed next to the expensive hand creams and lotions, she begins to dab the red wine stain on her new cream evening dress. “This isn’t going to come out, that stupid oaf of a man.” She wishes she could have let loose and tell him what she...

Wife Lovers
4 years ago
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Lakeside Awakening

Lakeside Awakening If anyone had told the way I’d meet my soul mate a few years ago, I never would have believed it. It was my senior year of high school and I had recently gotten out of yet another bad relationship with a girl. Lina had been a pretty, chubby blonde with a nice personality but a nasty temper. We just didn’t click after a while and I was feeling down on myself for not being able to hold onto a girl for very long. My friend Dan took me to a friend’s house where there was a party...

4 years ago
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Rude Awakening

Rude Awakening By Rosie I wake up, though I don't feel as alert as usual. In fact, it takes me a while, even with my eyes wide open, to realize that I'm in fact awake, not dreaming. There's a sense of chill to my skin, round my midriff and legs. It's nothing new to me, my pajamas have a habit of riding up. The top part has a habit of bunching up above my stomach and the bottoms tend to rise up to my knees. Somehow today, it seems today that the legs have hiked up even more and I'm...

3 years ago
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My Sexual Awakening

My Sexual AwakeningI open my eyes this morning and I look at your sweet face as you sleep, I smile and stretch. I have this desire to wake you and arouse you like you were last night. Your gorgeous cock was so hard, so big, and fit perfectly inside my pussy. You have touched me like no other man.I resist the temptation for now. Instead, I slide out from under the covers and head into the bathroom. My nipples are still hard, or is it ... hard again. I'm not sure, nor do I care. I just know that...

Straight Sex
1 year ago
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Reginas Awakening

Regina's Awakening It was a bad idea to work late on a Friday night, she thought. Regina waswaiting at the bus stop for the bus to take her home for over forty minutes.This has not been a good day for her. First, she woke up late for work. Then,her car had a flat tire and had to run to catch the bus to work. Next, herboss was on her because her reports were late due to the computer system andservers being down for most of the day. Then, her boyfriend of three yearsleft her at lunchtime. And...

4 years ago
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A Most Pleasant Awakening

So lately I've been making a number of orders from Amazon meaning that I've pretty much constantly been waiting on deliveries. You see I live in a block of flats with a secure entry and whenever I've got a package on the way I need to make sure I'm awake and ready to let the deliveryman in. It's a pain but it does allow for some rather risqué moments. Risqué moments which have through the lens of the imagination given rise to the most pleasant fantasies.Only two days ago I was waiting for...

2 years ago
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Absinthe Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Thanks to my usual cast and crew of Editors and Advance Readers, most of whom prefer to pretend that they don’t know me and wisely wish to take no responsibility for any part of my addled writings... Il n’est rien de réel que le rêve et l’amour - Nothing is real but dreams and love (from Le Coeur innombrable, IV, Chanson du temps opportun by Anna de Noailles) She was my one true mistress and ever faithful lover, my Green Lady and guardian of my dreams and now that I was back home...

2 years ago
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Thea Chapter Four

When the car with Jake in it became a dot on the horizon, Thea turned to go back in the house. Suddenly Floyd appeared. “Mrs. Thea, how you be?” Smiling, she knew immediately what he wanted. He had that look and a glance at his crotch confirmed it. The imprint of his cock was prominent as it pushed against the material. “Looks like everyone is gone.” Floyd said. His eyes looking out over the farm. “Yes, I am by myself for at least the next few days.” She replied in an...

3 years ago
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Thea and Sam

“Well, hell,” Thea said as she wiped the beads of perspiration from her face. “I guess ‘spring’ is here, huh?” “Yeah. It’s supposed to be cooler at higher elevation,” I replied. We took a few minutes in the shade by the rocks before rejoining our boyfriends. The four of us had driven up into the pass to hike. According to the weather report, the last coolness of a fading winter was supposed to continue through mid-week, but they were wrong. Actually, from our view from Eagle Point, where we’d...

1 year ago
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Motherless

Motherless.com! What an original name for a porn site, don't you think? The title doesn't fuck around: your mother would never allow you to watch the kind of filth they’ve got on tap. They pride themselves on being a moral-free zone for sick fucks, where you can find damn near anything. I’m talking about desperate chicks fucking anything that resembles a dick and crazy bitches literally eating shit. When you’re done fapping to the weird vids, you can even find "normal" porno to pass the time....

Free Porn Tube Sites
1 year ago
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Motherless Interracial

Ah, motherless, here we are again. A site known for offering such a variety, that no matter how fucked up your needs are, there is a high chance that you will fulfill them here. However, I am not here to blab about the site in general; I am here to talk about one particular category, interracial. As for those who want to know more about the site, there is a whole different review on my website instead.As for those who came here to learn more about that interracial lovemaking, I got your back....

Interracial Porn Sites
3 years ago
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The Librarians Awakening

Synopsis: After Jonathon Gilbert rescues timid crossdressing Lucy from an assault they become friends and then lovers. They set up home together and live happily until months later their domestic bliss is shaken when an unexpected event changes everything for Lucy. The Librarian's Awakening By Belle Gordon The day was cooling as the Jonathon Gilbert set off for his evening run. At 50 years old he found it a constant struggle to maintain his fitness and to keep his weight down....

4 years ago
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The Awakening

A woman comes to terms with her long hidden sexual identity under totally innocent circumstances. The result of these revelations will change her life, the life of her fiancee and the life of his heiress mother completely. Awakening By Gayle Abbott Morning could not come soon enough. It was like a dream come true. But ever since that day when you took the riding class and you came three times while riding the horse - that very fateful day when you realized what those feelings...

4 years ago
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The Strange Death of David Parmenter 6 Awakening

Author's note: This is an original work of transgender fiction. Any similarity between any person, living or dead, is strictly coincidental. I. The Strange Death of David Parmenter by Erin Shoemaker, Jr. 6. Awakening David Parmenter, soon to become Sandi Taylor, spent a restless night. Her thoughts continued to run rampant regarding what life held in store for her. But little by little, the thoughts of her previous life began to get sallied away into that drawer of her...

4 years ago
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The Awakening

The Awakening We pulled into Julia's Fathers (David's) place about 4 in the afternoon having taken off work a little early. I had brought some tools as we were going to their lakehouse to fix the sprinkler system and take some things to a donation site, mostly clothes and kitchen stuff. Julia's parents were now divorced and the house there would be sold. Her mother had been staying there till things were finalized, and it was in pretty good shape as we had gone down a couple of...

3 years ago
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The Awakening

Mandy knew that her pussy was leaking. She could not only feel the juices sloshing around in her inner folds and smooth, shaved lips but, she could feel the wetness in her blue bikini panties. She squeezed her legs together in an effort to relieve the moist fabric from her mound but only succeeded in rubbing her clit, causing a shockwave to ripple through her body. A strangled moan, like a mini grunt escaped her closed mouth. Oh shit! She thought. Her eyes quickly glanced around behind her...

Wife Lovers
3 years ago
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The Awakening

The Awakening By Gabi Chapter I "Michael, wake up! Wake up, Michael!" a voice called through the veil of dreams. Or in this case, from the other side of my bedroom door. Slowly I opened my eyes...staring at the ceiling. A ceiling fan blowing cool air down over my face, was rotating above on the ceiling. Sunlight was beaming through the slits in my window blinds, and I could hear the birds chirping. It was a perfect morning, and I had lots of plans today. Getting up I searched...

1 year ago
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The Light in the Darkness The Awakening

Chapter 1  The awakening. It was a dark day; the sun was hardly getting through those forever low gray clouds, which hang so very often in the sky here. Just an ordinary day. Greg felt not to bad at all really, he quite liked this darkish weather, it's all he's ever known and it makes him feel sort of "safe". In fact Greg is pretty well drawn to darkness, he hears it calling to him during those brief moments of sunshine that do actually happen from time to time. Drawn to darkness? Well, yes,...

Bisexual
4 years ago
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The Awakening

AWAKENING by Rachel Ann Cooper © 1997 "Marge, you sure look hot in that skirt and heels." "Like them?" "Oh yeah. Never much cared for having to reach up to kiss you though." "Oh. Well, we can fix that you know. Sit down and take your clothes off shortie. I'll be right back." "Don't rub it in Marge." "Just do it OK?" "Alright I'm doing it. Now what?" "Now, roll up these thigh high hose and pull them up your legs carefully. Now the left. Nicely done. Now...

4 years ago
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The Awakening

As I slowly come alert after a night of solitary drinking I stretch in the dark, pushing against my cell walls, listening to the rustle of my nest-mates deep in their dreaming. Nest mates? Cell? What the fuck? Terror grips me as I scramble to put sense to my environment. I feel eight arm/legs. Shards of chitin litter my cell. There's only one answer that fits reality-- I'm a bleeding spider, and I've just pupated. gasp. gasp. gasp. Calm down, dammit. I rub my legs over my ovipostor,...

2 years ago
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The Awakening

The Awakening This is based on true a story and some of you who have read some of my very early stories may recognize this story. Well  where can I start … from the beginning I suppose picture this a bored 30 something housewife , married her high school sweetheart and now almost 15 years later felt like she was screaming inside with boredom. I felt like I was abnormal because I wasn’t enjoying lovemaking – it was always over too soon, was always the same and if I dared to suggest something out...

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