How Are You Not Being Neglected Chapter 9 The total four chapters
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Ms. Yates Chapter 17 free porn video
Ms. Yates
A Novel
Seventeen
By the last week of January, Tina was still resisting prom plans and
focusing on the paper. Gayle had a huge amount of material and had begun
to winnow it down. Ms. Gunderson had already tentatively approved a six
page issue, and Lyle and Brad had agreed to handle the additional pages.
"In that case," Tina said, "I am going home early."
"Early for you, you mean," Lyle said.
At 4:05, she arrived home. Barbara had late classes and Marjorie had left
a note that she would be home later. Tina got a bottle of water from the
refrigerator and went up to her room. She turned on her computer and
changed clothes as it booted up.
When she sat down at the computer and opened her e-mail program, there
were a number of items there, but one in particular caught her eye. It
had just been received a minute earlier: "Please Open - Do Not Delete".
Thinking it might be someone phishing her account, she was about to do
exactly that when she noticed it was from Jeremy.
Against her better judgment, she opened it.
"Dear Tina, please read this through before you delete it. I just wanted
to tell you how sorry I am for everything. You were a very good friend,
the closest to a sister I ever had. I am so sorry for all the terrible
things I've said to you, and the way I have treated you, because you
deserve so much better. I really wish I could be happy, so I could be as
good a friend to you. Please don't hate me. Love, Gerrilynn."
Tina hit "reply" and began to type: "Dear Gerrilynn, of course I don't
hate you. I could never hate someone who..."
She froze.
"Wait!" she cried aloud. She canceled the reply and went back to the
original e-mail, reading it through more slowly.
"I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am..."
"You were a very good friend..."
"I really wish I could be happy..."
"Oh, God!" she cried. "No, you can't!"
She snatched up her purse, which was lying on the bed, and quickly dug
out her cell. She dialed 9-1-1, saying aloud, "Stay calm. Have to stay
calm."
The emergency operator came on immediately.
"I want to report a suicide attempt," she said, her voice quivering.
"Right now?"
"Yes, right now. He just e-mailed me a suicide note."
"Are you sure, miss?"
"Of course I'm sure!" she shrieked. "You have to stop him!"
Oh, God. Have to keep control...have to keep control...
"Okay, honey, stay with me. Do you have an address?"
She reeled it off from memory, as well as the home phone. "His name is
Jeremy Hall. He's fifteen."
"All right, honey. Can you give me your name?"
"Send them first!!"
It was a scream.
Oh, God! Please help me stay calm! Please!
But tears were already streaming.
"All right, honey, just stay with me, now, while I alert the dispatcher."
"Please send them..."
I'm not going to make it...
It was an eternity.
She heard the fire horn in the distance.
Twenty two. The code signaling an emergency.
The operator came back on.
"Thank you," Tina sobbed. "Thank you."
"No, honey, thank you. And be strong. They'll get there."
Tina ended the call before she realized that she never gave her name to
the operator. As the light grew more faint, she sat back in her desk
chair staring at nothing.
#
"Tina?" Marjorie called. She realized it had grown completely dark.
"Tina, are you up there?"
"Yes, Mom." Her voiced cracked as she said it. She heard the sound of
Marjorie's heavy tread pounding up the stairs.
"Sweetie, are you all right?" Tina could only point at the screen.
Marjorie peered at it. "Oh, no! He didn't!"
"Yeah, that's what I thought. The 'I wish I could be happy' part kind of
says it all."
"Come downstairs. Wash your face, first. Come down with me." Marjorie
pulled her into a tight embrace and held her there. "My baby," she
whispered, trying not to cry.
Once downstairs, Marjorie put the television on, first to a Long Island
cable news station, then bouncing from channel to channel to see if there
was any news. But there was no mention of it.
"That's good," she said. "That's a good sign."
Tina felt a twinge of hope. Marjorie began to make supper. "Sweetie, call
Meredith and Alyssa. Invite them over. Don't try to face this alone. Tell
them it's for dinner if they haven't eaten yet and desert if they have."
Meredith was first.
"What's wrong? You sound horrible."
"I got a suicide note from Jeremy. I called 9-1-1."
"The fire horn! Shit. I'll be right over. Sit tight, I'll call Alyssa."
Alyssa actually got there first, and she hugged Tina and pulled her over
to the small couch in the family room and held her. "You did good, no
matter how it turns out," she said. "And he was smart in one respect - if
I was going to do something like that, you'd be the one I'd send the note
to."
Tina sat bolt upright.
"Don't you ever say anything like that! Not ever! Not as a joke, not for
anything! Promise me!"
"Okay, okay, I promise. I was just making a point, that's..."
"I don't care! Don't ever say anything like that to me ever again.
Promise!!"
Alyssa pulled her close.
"I promise. I love you, too."
Jeff showed up, and Bruno and Ray, and then Rick Hayden. Gayle and Brad
from the newspaper staff were next. Marjorie kept throwing more hot dogs
in the pot.
The atmosphere in the room was subdued. There was no joking around,
except once in a while when Jeff tried to cheer Tina up by cracking one
of his corny jokes and she made every effort to smile. With each passing
hour, they relaxed a little more as nothing was said, and the noise level
began to rise as the tension eased.
"Five minutes to nine," Jeff said, and the noise level dropped again.
"They'll do a recap of all the major stories at nine."
Tina could only stare at the clock on the cable box as time crept from
8:55 toward 9:00, the turning of each digit stepping up the tension in
the room. At 8:58, Alyssa slid into the space next to Tina on the couch.
At 8:59, she took her hand, while Marjorie, standing at the counter that
divided the kitchen from the family room, uttered a silent prayer.
Nine o'clock.
"Welcome to the News at Nine. A teen girl's desperate phone call launches
a frenzied effort to stop a suicide attempt in Oak Manor, the Suffolk
County Board of Supervisors announces their vote on the controversial
Pine Barrens Plan and some of Hollywood's biggest names have big plans
for the Hamptons this summer. Those are the headlines, but we begin with
the rapidly unfolding story in Oak Manor with our Brenda Rogers."
"Nick, shortly after four this afternoon, emergency operators received a
frantic phone call from an unidentified teenage girl alerting them to a
possible suicide. Police and emergency medical teams were dispatched
immediately to this home on a quiet street in Oak Manor where they found
a fifteen year old boy who had inflicted a series of gruesome knife
wounds on his abdomen. They also found a long note signed by him which
they describe as a suicide note.
"He was rushed to Oak Manor Memorial Hospital in an effort to save his
life. However, the wounds inflicted were too serious and the loss of
blood was too grave, and the boy, Jeremy Hall, was pronounced dead at
5:40 this evening..."
#
"Tina?"
She knew the voice - soft but strong, kind but truthful, always caring.
She blinked several times to clear the fog.
"Dr. Fleming."
The doctor smiled. It was then she noticed the house was quiet. The
television was off. Alyssa and Meredith were standing off to the side,
both wearing pajamas and robes, as was Marjorie.
"I'm afraid you've had a very severe shock," the doctor said. "I wish I
had known - I would not have recommended waiting to get word from the TV
news. I'm so sorry about your friend."
Tina nodded.
"You did exactly the right thing. You were his best last hope. The police
think that sending the e-mail to you was one of the last things he did
before he went ahead with it."
"I should have..."
"Tina, listen to me." She held her face in her hands. "You did everything
humanly possible. He was determined to die."
"But maybe if I called..."
"Please listen to me. He was determined. I know he's the one you had told
me about, the one undergoing that aversive therapy."
Tina nodded but said nothing else.
"He was determined," Dr. Fleming said once more.
"How did you know about it?"
Dr. Fleming looked away.
"What?" Tina asked, leaning forward, trying to ignore the throbbing in
her head. The doctor shook her head.
"Nothing that it will do you any good to know," she said at last. "They
recognized that he had a gender issue and called to get my opinion,
that's all."
Marjorie told her that Alyssa and Meredith were staying over. She would
be allowed to stay home from school the next day if she wished. The clock
on the cable box read 11:43.
"Come on, kiddo," Meredith said. "Let's get to bed."
Tina nodded, thanked the doctor and then trudged up the stairs to bed,
glad that her two closest friends would be with her.
#
She dozed, but not for long, and by three in the morning, she was laying
there, wide awake while the other two girls slept in sleeping bags on the
floor. She slipped out of bed, stepped lightly over Alyssa's inert form
on the floor and booted up her computer, the screen casting an eerie
light in the dark room.
For a time, she amused herself by seeing how many different synonyms they
could come up with for "gruesome". A little before four, she was aware of
someone stirring but she paid no attention. No additional details were
there, but the story itself was spreading.
"Hey."
It was Alyssa, her voice soft and soothing, heavy with concern for a
friend. Even now, in night clothes, she had a special scent, soft and
lovely, her hair a little wild, but long and rich, a gentle riot of waves
and curls. Alyssa was there, and that made everything a little better.
"Nothing new," Tina said. "There's some salacious detail they can't or
won't release. Fleming knows but won't tell me."
"I know."
Tina turned a piercing, questioning glare on her friend, but Alyssa only
smiled a little and kissed her on the cheek.
"I mean I know that she knows; that's all. I would tell you if I knew
what it was. Honestly."
Tina turned back to the screen.
"You want to talk?" Alyssa asked, but Tina just slowly shook her head.
After all, she loved Alyssa. If she let her emotional defenses down now,
she would tell her everything.
It would take away the one close friend Alyssa had left, the only one who
understood the isolation she felt.
After all, she thought, I feel the same way. The boys who are attracted
to me, I am repulsed by once we get intimate. The girls who are attracted
to me are repulsed by me once we get intimate. Even Meredith.
Would Gerrilynn have killed herself if not for the therapy? Did killing
herself give her the final release she needed? Would it do so for me?
"Tina? You need to rest. You need to get away from this."
Now, that was funny.
"Want me to rest with you?"
An offer I can't refuse.
She went willingly. The soft scent grew stronger and she sighed heavily
just so she could breathe it in.
Alyssa pulled her close and held her.
Could I be wrong?
Strength faded out and sleep finally came on, relentless.
#
The school was like a giant wake. Everyone stunned, pained, uncertain.
Voices were lowered, doors were held open, courtesies were shown, boys
patted each other on the back, girls touched hands or arms or cheeks.
Teachers broached the topic, but cautiously, and were relieved when no
one wanted to talk about it in class. Privately was another matter.
"Couldn't he have just..."
"Didn't anyone notice that..."
"Why couldn't they have just let him be?"
And then there was the question Tina heard more than any other: "Are you
all right?"
"You look better this morning," Meredith said. "That angry hatred look is
gone."
She felt better. Not good, but not hopeless, as she had in the early
hours of the morning. Alyssa's softness had been so warm, so comforting.
She stopped in to see Ms. Barnes to see if she knew what plans the family
had for Jeremy's funeral.
"Surely you wouldn't go!"
"Why not? I'd just stay in the back. I'm not looking to make a point or
anything, I just want to say goodbye."
But after two more days, there had been no word. She was wondering what
her next step might be when she saw Steve Hall waiting for her when she
came out of school. She ran to him and hugged him, telling her how sorry
she was.
"Thank you, Tina. I'm actually not doing too well, but I guess that's to
be expected. I wanted to thank you, though.
"The one chance he had to hang on to life was because of you, and even
though it didn't work out, I really do appreciate it. The police say that
if he had tried any other method, except maybe a gunshot, they might have
saved him. They want to talk to you, by the way."
"Me?"
"They saw the e-mail he sent you. They figure you were tight enough with
him that you may know something they can use."
"Use? For what?"
"I'm helping them build a criminal case against my father and that quack
doctor they were seeing. I'll give you some new contact information so we
can keep in touch. A move has become necessary for obvious reasons."
He had one other question, though, that was eating at him and that only
she might be able to answer.
"The way she was - Gerrilynn, I mean - if she had been allowed to just
live that way, is that the way she always would have been?"
He explained that he meant that she had seemed so bright and bubbly, so
different from Jeremy. Was it an act? Temporary elation at getting to do
what had been forbidden for so long? Or was that her true personality?
"After all," he added. "You're a lot different from how you...once were."
"We're all different," she said. Then she asked about funeral
arrangements.
"That's a sore point. There isn't going to be one."
She wondered how someone who had just died could not get a funeral and a
decent burial. But all Jeremy had gotten was a quiet cremation. Even the
immediate family had been shut out.
"It's best for your mother," his father had declared.
Steve started to cry, and she hugged him until he calmed down.
"Would it be all right if the school had a memorial service for him?" she
asked.
"Would they?"
#
Barbara drove her over to the police station. Steve had given her a card
with the name of Detective Lisa Russo, and when Tina asked for her, an
attractive woman in her 30s with short brown hair and large brown eyes
came out to the front desk.
"You're Tina Yates? The e-mail? Thank you so much for coming in."
Barbara waited by the front desk while Tina and the detective went into a
small conference room.
"How are you doing?" the detective asked as soon as they were seated.
"Are you okay?"
Tina explained that it had been a shock at first, but that she had been
concerned about him since he had first begun therapy the year before.
"Was studying other cultures part of the therapy?" Tina said she didn't
know, since Jeremy had never said anything about it. She described what
she knew about Reparative therapy.
"How do you know so much about it?"
"When Jeremy told me about it, I asked my own doctor, who was familiar
with it, as well as the fact that it isn't recognized by the medical
community and has been condemned by the APA."
The detective looked at her questioningly.
"How would your doctor have known so much about it?"
"Because she's been managing my care for three years. I'm transgendered,
just like Jeremy was."
"You mean, you're not really a girl?"
Tina tried not to show her annoyance.
"I am not a genetic girl. But I have been undergoing hormone treatment
for three years and have developed female secondary sex characteristics.
I think and feel as a woman does and I live my life as a woman."
She went on to explain how she had helped Jeremy come out as Gerrilynn,
how happy he'd been and how positively others had reacted to him,
especially Steve.
"Did he ever say anything to you about an interest in the histories of
other cultures? Was it something he liked to read about, either before or
after this coming out?"
"No. That's the second time you've mentioned other cultures. Why is that
important?"
The detective gave a brief smile, but it faded almost immediately.
"You said you worried about him once he began this therapy. Why was
that?"
"The purpose of the therapy was to brainwash him into hating what he had
previously loved using aversive techniques - painful or extremely
unpleasant responses to anything soft or feminine. But a transgendered
person is seeking to be his true self, not as defined by his birth
gender, but by the person he feels he should have been. Trying to force
him back into identifying as his birth gender is the most hateful thing
you could do."
"What would you have done if someone had tried this with you, rather than
allowing you to change?"
She couldn't possibly imagine such a thing. Her mother had been
supportive almost right from the beginning.
"What about your father?"
"He had already passed away."
"All right then, what if it had been your mother who had passed away
instead of your father?"
She would not have dared voice her desire. Like Jeremy, she would have
remained hidden, sneaking her chances to dress when she could. "It would
have been a miserable existence, but that's what most transgendered
people do."
"But, just suppose you had been caught. And your father had decided you
needed this therapy."
"Then I probably would have done what Jeremy did."
The detective sat back and considered how to phrase her next question,
but Tina had one of her own.
"Why did you ask about his interest in other cultures? I don't think I
can answer any other questions until you answer mine."
She promised to answer it shortly. But first she had one more: what would
have participating in this therapy made her think about herself? How
would she have seen herself?
"Like a complete failure," Tina said. "Like I hadn't been able to protect
the most basic part of myself. I'd have been completely ashamed of
myself, and I think Jeremy was, too."
The detective's eyes widened. She paused a moment before going on.
"Jeremy killed himself wearing a cocktail dress of his mother's. Also
stockings and heels."
"Shit!"
"Does that surprise you?" Tina nodded. "Why?"
"Because transgendered girls often feel very protective about their femme
personas. A boy I knew in school last year would dress often, and his
femme name was Cathy. He told me that he went through a really rough
patch when his parents were fighting all the time, and during that time
he never dressed as Cathy, not even underdressing, because he needed to
protect her from the strife."
"Was he, like, a split personality?" Tina smiled a little.
"No. People often make that mistake. Our femme names are a kind of
shorthand, and we often talk of our time dressed in terms of the femme
name - 'I was being Tina' or 'I had a Tina day' - But we always know
we're just one person."
"Have you ever heard of seppuku?" Tina shook her head. "Or hara-kiri?"
"Doesn't that mean killing yourself?"
"Yes, it is a ritual suicide in accordance with the ancient samurai code
known as bushido. A samurai would commit seppuku for any number of
reasons, but a common one was failure or cowardice in battle.
"Jeremy committed seppuku. He followed it rather closely, making a long
horizontal cut through his lower abdomen and then attempting the vertical
cut as well. That's why, even as timely as your call was, they could not
save him."
"What a horrible way to die!"
The detective agreed. But she was now also convinced that the message he
was sending was that he had failed to protect Gerrilynn. The only
question that remained was where the notion of seppuku had come from.
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