My Wonderful Obsession 38 free porn video

My Wonderful Obsession Part 38: The Wedding Crasher Just as high school was winding down, preparations for the big wedding were winding up - Phil and Natalie's big day was now only a month away, and with Natalie's penchant for organization, everything was falling neatly into place. I'd done my first dress fitting and the second and final one was on the last day of June. Natalie's friend Keri, who was also one of the bridesmaids, met me at the shop so we could both do our fitting at the same time. Since I regarded her as one of my makeup mentors (with Natalie), I made sure I was extra careful putting my face on before leaving the house. She noticed! "Oh Sandra, you look so gorgeous!" she gushed when we met up in front of the store. She came right over and hugged me. "Please tell me you're going into modeling." "Oh, I don't know about that," I giggled, shaking my head. Then I gave her an appreciative smile. "Thank you, Keri - I needed that. It's been SUCH an insane year. I sure haven't FELT very attractive." "Didn't you just graduate?" she asked as we stepped through the front door. "Senior year is always a huge deal. So much going on!" "Oh my God - TELL me about it. So how've YOU been? Are you still at Dillard's?" "Uh-huh. It's a good job, good company. I'm hoping for a promotion soon." "You deserve it. You're so good with customers!" She laughed. "Natalie's right - you ARE a sweetheart. Can you go tell that to my boss?" The fitting was off to a great start, I thought, and we hadn't even got near our dresses yet. The saleslady appeared and brought us back to the fitting area, and there on a rack in clear protective plastic hung four identical pale pink dresses. I was SO excited to be trying mine on again. I'd put on a sundress that day, so I could wear a half-slip - in case I had to disrobe in the same room as Keri. Which of course is what happened! She on the other hand stripped right down to her panties and even changed her bra in front of me (I still wasn't used to that!). Then we helped each other into our dresses and stepped over to the three-way mirrors. Keri spun this way and that, smoothing the gauzy fabric where it flowed around her hips and scrutinizing her image in each of the mirrors. I reflexively felt a twinge of envy knowing her body was born to wear something like that, unlike yours truly who got there by cheating. "Yours looks just perfect," I told her. "What do YOU think?" "Not bad for a bridesmaid dress. I'm not sure it's my color, though ..." "I was thinking the same thing," I agreed. "You and I are both winters, right?" "Hah! Sounds like Natalie's been doing her color thing on you too." "Uh-huh. But it kind of makes sense, right? Anyway I do love this dress. It's so feminine." "Yes it really is - if that's your thing. It looks divine on you - how does it feel?" "It feels wonderful," I answered, taking my turn to check out my reflection in the mirrors. "But I think I need heels to get the full effect. I should've brought some." The saleslady was way ahead of us. She already had two pairs of off- white pumps ready. Keri slipped into hers with no trouble, but no such luck for me. "Oh, I thought you looked like an eight," she said. "I'll see if I have anything bigger." "Where did you get such big feet?" Keri kidded. "I think it runs in the family," I moaned. "My brother has like size elevens." She laughed, but for me it was just another reminder that I'd never be the perfect female I longed to be. Still, there WAS that lifeline Dr. Cooper had recently thrown me ... The saleslady soon returned with a pair of navy shoes that looked huge, apologizing that they were my only other options, but by then I was stubbornly forcing my not-so-delicate feet into the eights. 'I'm going to do this right if it kills me,' I thought. I don't know why I bothered going to all that trouble - my dress fit just fine with or without the addition of shoes. The saleslady thought so too, so when everyone was satisfied we were good to go, Keri and I changed back and the lady put the dresses back into their protective plastic, tying the bottom in a big knot below the hem. "See you tomorrow afternoon?" asked Keri as we left the shop. "Uh, yes!" I laughed, "We're not allowed to miss the shower!" Attendance at Natalie's bridal shower was indeed mandatory for the girls in her wedding party. But quite a few other women showed up, including both Moms and a few more of Natalie's friends. Everyone wore their prettiest clothes and did their hair, nails and makeup, and we had SUCH a fun time playing games and telling stories - and laughing and giggling, especially when Natalie unwrapped some of the more risqu? pieces of lingerie she received as gifts. Judging from the reactions of the other girls, all this was par for the course, but I remember feeling quite strange and out of place. Maybe it was just the fact that I'd never be able to wear some of those things, at least until I had a few 'minor' alterations done to my body. Whatever - I fervently hoped one day someone would buy me lingerie like that for my own bridal shower. ***** Rob and I had been emailing each other on and off since his visit. I SO looked forward to hearing from him, not only because I was totally crazy about him, but he always said nice things to me, and he was always so funny! This new message I was reading, however, gave me a major case of nerves. You guessed it - Rob was coming for another visit! And it was exactly when Phil and Natalie were supposed to get married! As much as I longed to see him, I could only imagine how panic-attack-inducing that was going to be. After all, the one guy who could NEVER learn my secret could possibly bump into all kinds of people who might say the wrong thing at the wrong time. And then I'd have no choice but to kill myself! But what in heaven's name could I do? Rob said he was heading back to the east coast and Cincinnati was right on his way. I HAD to see him, and I didn't want our time together to be too short. I had to think real hard. The wedding plans included a rehearsal at the church and a casual backyard dinner at our place on the Friday, the ceremony the next day and the reception that evening, and a brunch that Natalie's Mom was throwing for the bridal party and her out-of-town relatives on the Sunday. I needed to attend every one of these events. So the only time I had available to spend with Rob was the last half of Sunday! 'Damn,' I thought, 'I'll just have to figure something out.' For obvious reasons, that 'something' couldn't include me spending any nights with him at his hotel - though the idea DID cross my mind! I wondered, briefly, if Natalie would let him attend the wedding. Not at all likely - the guest list and the seating plan were all done, with no room for anyone else. Phil and Natalie had even been arguing over the last one or two guests. 'Oh well,' I thought dejectedly, 'I'll just have to squeeze him in between things. Unfortunately for Rob, I won't be available much for sex!' That felt like both a relief and a disappointment, all at the same time. So I emailed him back and explained the situation, stopping short of asking him to come some other time. Even if our encounters were brief, I reasoned, the thing I wanted most was to feel his strong arms around me and his lips locked on mine. I'd just need to spend at least two hours getting ready, and find something really 'nice' to wear. ***** Then, all of a sudden it seemed, the person formerly known as Alexander Johnson was a full-grown eighteen-year-old. I remember waking up that mid-July 1999 day and marveling at how much of my life's water had flowed under the proverbial bridge by then. Here I was, in reality a still-quite-young male who'd managed in the space of a few short years to transform himself into the very image of a twenty-something female ... and an attractive one too, if the compliments I continually received from friends and family - even strangers - were anything to go by. But for me it was a significant milestone and I felt like I was finally becoming an adult. Speaking of friends and family, Mom had a birthday celebration planned for that evening, and I had the entire day off, so I resolved to take it easy and pamper myself. Kath was due over around four, as we'd figured on spending some time dolling each other up before heading out to the restaurant, or wherever it was Mom was taking us. And yes, you heard right - Kath definitely seemed to be softening when it came to expressing her girly side. Maybe it was her close brush with motherhood. Maybe it was Ben's encouraging comments, or maybe she just couldn't stand having her best friend - a boy - looking and acting more feminine than she was. Or maybe she was finally able to admit to herself that the times we spent together trying on clothes and makeup and teasing and fussing over each other were just too enjoyable to resist. Whatever - I was thrilled, and I told her so. But first things first: I went out for a morning run. Now that was unusual, since I normally did my running in the evening (if I wasn't working), but I had a nice relaxing bath planned and what better time for that than after working up a sweat. I know, some of you probably think running is the opposite of pampering, but after a long semester of work and school and no exercise whatsoever, it was more like a luxury to have the time to do it at all. And as I told you before, I did some of my best thinking at jogging speed. It allowed me to continue my musings of earlier that morning, and to make some tentative plans for the summer. One of which was to spend more time with the people who meant a lot to me. Like Kath, for sure, especially after her traumatic experience. But also Julia, if she'd be willing. After all, I reasoned, I owed her a lot - like who I now was, for instance! Who knows where I'd be and I what I'd be doing with my eighteen-year-old life, if she hadn't pulled that prank on me several years earlier, tricking me into putting on a skirt and passing myself off to a bunch of ladies as a teenage girl like her. I was so scared and even horrified at the time ... but now? Now it was my life, like breathing! Sure, my own actions were partly responsible too, but I just couldn't imagine not being able to dress and behave like a girl, and go out with boys like real girls do. I couldn't contemplate what it would be like to inhabit a boy's firm, hairy body instead of the soft, smooth feminine figure that was now mine. A figure complete with real honest-to-goodness breasts, I thought, as I felt them shifting and jiggling in my snug white jogging top with the built-in support. And when I glanced down I saw real curves, too - my hips, wrapped in skin-tight lycra jogging shorts, flared out in sweeping curves from my bare waist. My legs were still perfectly smooth from my last waxing, and they ended at a nicely-formed set of ankles just peeking out above white runners with a pink swoosh on the back. The only improvement I could make (apart from what you already know about) would be to grow my hair out a lot longer. I envied the girls who could tie their generous tresses into seriously long ponytails and let them sway back and forth when they ran, like real ponies' tails. How wonderful and cool that always looked! I thought about Erica too, and her ridiculously handsome 'hubby' Ted (or Edward, as I resolved to begin referring to him, since the two of them reminded me so much of the unlikely couple in 'Pretty Woman'). I smiled as I realized that Richard Gere's Edward was also a successful man who falls in love with, and in the process transforms, the object of his affections into a beautiful and classy (although kept) woman. Yes, I definitely wanted to develop my friendship with Erica and learn more about her world, and whether I could ever find some of that kind of 'wedded bliss' for myself, kept woman or not! Back home, I had the house to myself so I stripped bare, put my hair up and helped myself to Mom's new jetted tub and one of her aromatic bubble baths, then I just lay there for more than an hour soaking up the ambiance and the feeling of pure luxury. For my birthday I was totally in the mood to celebrate how feminine I'd become, so whenever the layer of foam began to part and threaten to reveal my masculine bits I poured in a little more of the fragrant liquid and watched the churning water turn into a mass of bubbles worthy of that iconic 'Pretty Woman' tub scene. Okay, I'll admit the whole thing had a huge effect on that 'masculine bit' and I had to 'deal with it' - twice - to beat it back out of my consciousness. But in the warm, fragrant churning water, that just added to how over-the-top erotic the moment already was. And like I often did that year, I fantasized about Rob Hewitt making passionate love to me - the RIGHT way! In the heat of the moment I found myself feeling desperate to get my operation, like immediately if not sooner! Later in the afternoon Kath came over, with a dress on a hanger and shoes in a bag, and we spent the next couple of hours laughing and giggling like the ex-schoolgirls we now were, trying on just about every summery thing in my closet and playing with each other's hair, face and nails. What incredible fun, and such a departure from what I was used to with her! When Mom got home we were enjoying a cup of herbal tea in the living room, like the prim and proper young ladies we looked to be in our summer dresses, strappy sandals, up-do's and jewelry. We were even sitting properly - legs crossed and everything! Kath gave her a proper greeting. "Good afternoon Mrs. Johnson. Would you like a cup of tea?" Mom did a bit of a double-take and then smiled broadly as she dropped her purse on a chair. "Don't you two girls look lovely! You've been playing dress-up today." I'd gotten up to retrieve another cup and saucer, so Kath answered. "Yes, we have! We're both all grown up now, so we thought we should look the part. Isn't that right, miss Alexandra?" "Right, miss Kathleen," I agreed as I returned from the kitchen. "We're definitely all grown up!" I knew Mom would find that statement amusing, and her smirk confirmed it. "Kathleen," she said, "I barely recognized you at first. I'm not used to seeing you like this." "Me either," came the casual reply. "But being Sandy's birthday and all, and knowing how much she LOVES going all girly, I thought it'd be a nice present for her." I resisted the urge to tell her I'd return the favor by dressing butch for her next birthday. "Kath's just humoring me," I explained to Mom. "She's still the same lovable tomboy - just not today." Then I laid it on thick for my friend, putting my face beside hers and squeezing her with both arms. "And don't you think she's the most delectable redhead you've seen in your entire life?" Mom played along. "Oh, I do, I do! And the most well-put-together!" "Aren't you both getting a little carried away?" Kath deadpanned. "If you think all those compliments will make me do this more often ... well, you might be right!" We both laughed. Mom had asked me where I'd like to go for dinner, and I didn't hesitate before saying "Italian!" I hadn't forgotten the fun time we had two years earlier when Phil Natalie, Mom and I went to that Italian restaurant after our Disneyland trip. I was hoping those same waiters would be there to serve us. I wasn't disappointed! Mom drove Kath and I there and we were shown to our table where my brother and his bride-to-be were already seated. I got happy birthday hugs from both of them, and Kath even got a big one from Natalie. What a nice gesture that was, I thought. Even nicer, we both got huge compliments from Natalie on our appearance. And when our waiter appeared, he totally laid the charm on, like before only much thicker this time! "Signoras, signor," he began, nodding at each of us in turn with a broad smile on his face, "welcome, welcome! Signor," he addressed Phil with a mock frown, "last time you come here you have three bellas signoras ... this time you have four! Are you a rich man, signor?" Giggling with delight, Natalie leaned over and grabbed Phil's upper arm. "No, he's just a really handsome man." The rest of us nodded and agreed. "Rich WOULD be nice, though," she kidded, poking him in the shoulder. By then three other waiters were hovering close by, checking us out, then smiling and nodding at each other and conversing in Italian. I glance at Kath, who seemed a little taken aback by all the attention we were getting. "Do the waiters always wear suits here?" she asked me in a whisper. "Of course," I replied. "This is a class joint!" I really hoped they'd treat Kath the same as they treated me on my last visit. Maybe then she'd see why it was so great to dress up really pretty. Our waiters didn't disappoint. I'm sure they spent a ton of extra time at our table just to ogle all the beautiful women and butter them up, like Italian men are renowned for. Maybe it was her gorgeous red hair, or her flawless makeup (all skilfully done by yours truly), but they lavished special attention on her and she seemed to hugely enjoy the good-natured back-and-forth sparring. And like our previous visit we were all served wine (red this time), which didn't hurt our mood one little bit. At one point I excused myself to visit the ladies' room and Kath tagged along. She held my arm to steady herself. "I just LOVE this place," she said as we entered the restroom. "The waiters are SO much fun. Now I want to go to Italy in the worst way!" "So you can fall for the first hunky Italian who flashes his pearly whites at you?" I kidded her as we both entered toilet stalls. "EXACTLY. Bring it on!" I was about to ask her what Ben would have to say about that, but I was interrupted by a tinkling sound coming from Kath's direction. And I'd only just started fiddling with my gaff! Damn, I thought - gotta get that operation, and soon. But what a fun night that was! And it only got better at dessert time, when the cutest little 2-layer cake decorated with white frosting and plump strawberries magically showed up at our table, complete with four long sparklers and the same number of waiters, who made me stand up and then sang Happy Birthday to me in Italian. Of course, by then I'd sipped enough wine that I didn't feel the least bit embarrassed - only a wish that I knew the words so I could sing along! But I did give each of them a big hug and a kiss on the cheek, which elicited huge smiles and laughter, and prompted Kath to do the same with them. Four envelopes appeared on the table as the cake was being served. Inside, of course, were birthday cards. The one from Kath was hilarious as always, and the one from Natalie was full of sentiment as well as a handwritten note saying how she'd always wished for a little sister and in a few more days her wish would come true. It made me cry! I went straight over and gave her the biggest hug and told her how much I loved her. Phil's card was nice too, surprisingly (that he even bought me a card was surprising). But the one Mom gave me had a big treat inside - a five hundred dollar gift certificate for a high-end clothing store that catered to younger, twenty-ish women - like me, for instance! Mom got a big teary hug and kiss and a huge thank-you for that generous, thoughtful gift. Kath was still raving about the restaurant, or more precisely the waiters, when we pulled into our driveway just before eleven. She even admitted that she loved being treated so special, like an Italian princess, and how glad she was that she was dressed and made up so nice. I was so pleased! How wonderful that she got so much positive reinforcement. As much as I appreciated Mom's gift of girls' clothing and accessories, I think the pure joy I saw in Kath's face and heard in her voice was the best birthday present I could have wished for. My nineteenth year of life had begun on a high note with the most wonderful day, and a very special evening too - kind of 'rotic,' I guess, since three of the women didn't have a date. No, on second thought the charming waiters made it truly romantic for all the lucky women who were there to celebrate my birthday that night - yours truly included. ***** A few days later Mom and I drove to Dr. Cooper's office for our big appointment. I remember feeling very apprehensive, as though somebody might change their mind or even I'd get cold feet about the operation. But it all went smoothly - sort of. The doctor described everything to us, leaving out nothing, not the money aspect (BIG ouch!), not the healing process (MEGA-ouch!) and not even what sex would be like for me after I healed. As embarrassing as it was to have Mom in the same room for all that, I did feel a sense of profound disappointment when Dr. Cooper explained how female orgasms happen and why I wouldn't be likely to experience anything so amazing and wonderful. But not disappointed enough to change my mind - I signed the papers without hesitation. Mom treated me to lunch at a small caf? on the way home, and we talked about a whole bunch of things like my operation and how I'd pay for it, college, my future work plans, her legal issues with her Dad's family, Mark's situation, and so on. And I realized how much I appreciated being able to relate to her one-on-one, almost more like sisters or best girlfriends than mother and daughter. ***** With my brother's wedding only a few days away, I visited Turning Heads for my now-monthly wax job. It was a bit disappointing for me that the hormones didn't stop ugly hair from sprouting on my legs and in my armpits, but as Karen pointed out, most real women have that problem to contend with too. And, she explained for maybe the third time, most use a razor. Waxing, she reminded me, resulted in the hair becoming finer and less bothersome over time, not to mention less stubbly between appointments. No argument from me - I sure loved the ultra-silky feel of freshly waxed legs, and Karen's efforts seemed to last for weeks, so as long as I could afford the cost I was going to stick with it. "Who's doing your hair and makeup for the wedding?" Karen inquired as she applied the hot liquid wax on my thigh, making me wince. "It's not me - you never made an appointment." "Yeah, I know - I'm sorry. But Mrs. Wagner's like, taking all us girls to her regular salon that morning? I wish you were doing me, Karen - nobody else has ever done my hair before. I don't trust anyone else." It felt a bit strange calling myself a girl when Karen knew the truth. But she didn't say anything at that moment. "Well just make sure they don't cut anything off," she admonished. "I've got big plans for your hair when it gets to the right length." "That sounds like fun," I replied with a giggle. "What kind of plans?" "It'll be a surprise, Sandra." "Oh, I can hardly wait!" "Trust me, it'll be worth waiting for." "I DO trust you, Karen." And that was totally the truth. This woman knew all my secrets, kind of like most hairdressers and estheticians end up knowing everything about their clients' personal lives. Except I had a bigger secret than most. "Can I ask you a personal question, Sandra?" Karen inquired, as if on cue. "Uh, sure ... anything. What would you like to know?" "Well, I've been wondering about you for a while. You've been full time, what, a year now? I always thought you should've been born a girl, and when you started showing up dressed like one I was thrilled for you. You made a very attractive girl right from the start, but over the past year you've really blossomed. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about ..." "I think you mean my body?" "Yes, your body - it's just amazing ... but your face too, honey. You have such stunning facial features. What I call classic beauty." "Oh, Karen - come on, don't say that, okay? I don't feel like that's me at all." I was beginning to feel not a little embarrassed by all the praise I seemed to be getting for my looks. "Oh yes it is, Sandra. You ARE beautiful. I'd love to do your makeup for you sometime - it would be such a treat. I'd take pictures and hang them all around the shop!" "Oh, please!" "I'm serious! And your skin - it's so perfect. Any of my clients would kill to have your skin. I have to keep reminding myself that once upon a time you were a boy." Considering where she was waxing at that moment, I didn't think she'd have much trouble remembering what I really was. "Don't try too hard," I said. "I don't mind if you forget ..." Karen laughed softly and continued, "So I've been thinking lately - when is this girl going to go all the way? She's ninety percent there already ..." "You mean, when am I going to get a sex change?" "Uh-huh ... that's what I mean. Oh - I hope you don't mind me asking ... I guess I'm the world's worst busybody, aren't I?" "It's okay. I trust you not to tell everyone in sight. And yes, I DO plan to do that ... I'm hoping, this year if things work out ... if I can afford it." "Did your doctor give you the go-ahead yet?" "Yes, as a matter of fact, and I've signed all the papers ... she said she thought I was ready, that I transitioned really well." "I'll say you did. Did she talk to you about having sex?" That caught me off guard. "Uh, yes - a bit. But I always kind of assumed, when you have a sex change you can do that, like, with a guy ..." "Uh-huh. I'm sure you can, if that's what you want. How do YOU feel about it?" 'Wow,' I thought, 'this conversation sounds like a session with Dr. Westerman - except more X-rated!' "Uh, I guess I feel alright about it ... well okay, if you want to know the truth, I'm totally looking forward to doing it. Why, is there something else I should know?" Karen laughed. "Only a million things, honey! But I'm probably not the best person to tell you. I've been through two husbands and at least a dozen boyfriends." "So you're the expert," I kidded her. "You probably know everything about guys by now." "I wish I knew everything, believe me. And I wish I knew it years ago. But I DO know one thing for sure: men want very badly to please you in bed." "You mean to give you an orgasm." "Not one orgasm, honey - LOTS of orgasms. It must be an ego thing - they feel more manly if they can make you come over and over again." Okay, this was a little awkward, considering my gender and all, and after hearing what Dr. Cooper had to say on the subject, but I was totally fascinated with the direction this conversation had taken. I decided if Karen wanted to talk openly about sex, I would play along. "But I thought guys always came so fast, you were lucky if you even got one." "Some guys, not all. But the really good lovers can hang in there somehow. I don't know how they do it, but I sure love being on the receiving end!" Then, after a pause, she added, "I think my record is nine times. But that guy was so incredible ..." "It must be, like, SO amazing," I agreed, probably revealing how downhearted I felt by the way I spoke. "I'd give anything to feel what that was like ... but I'm not sure it'll ever happen with me." "I know what you mean, Sandra. You know, you kind of inspired me to do some reading online about transsexuals - and you're right, most guys who have sex changes never have an orgasm during intercourse. It's a shame, isn't it? I mean, to miss out like that. But I did read about this doctor in Portland who does that surgery - he has a technique that makes it possible for you to have orgasms. I think you should get your doctor to look into it." Wow - now, THIS was super-valuable information, even though it was probably too good to be true. "Hmm ... that sounds really interesting - I will. Thank you! Can you give me the guy's name? Maybe I'll ask her to get in touch with him." "Yes, please do that, Sandra. You deserve to have a decent sex life. And think about your boyfriend, or your husband if you decide to get married. He needs to make love to you and satisfy you - so your plumbing needs to be working properly for him, doesn't it?" I'd already decided I wanted to get married. But one thing at a time, I guess. "I never thought about it that way," I said slowly. "I always thought you just tried to, you know, make them happy? But you must be right. My ex-boyfriend, Mark? He was always trying to return the favor, you know? Like, I'd make him come and he'd feel bad if I didn't. But I never liked when he touched me, you know ... there? It's 'cause I needed to feel like I was really a female, and how could I do that when ..." "I get the idea," Karen interrupted. "He must have been a little frustrated with you." "Yeah, I think you're right. Oh God, I miss him so much ... he's getting married, you know." "No, I didn't know. I'm so sorry, Sandra. You told me he got his new girlfriend pregnant, right? I thought she might get an abortion ..." "Oh no, not her. She finally got what she was really after - Mark. All she had to do was get him to fuck her ... oh, I'm sorry - I didn't mean to say that." "It's alright. It must be so hard on you - I know how much you cared for him." "It's true ... I'm completely, totally bummed about it. But I feel like it was me that really screwed it all up?" I tried to suppress the tears that were flooding my eyes. "Well anyway, I'm not gonna let it mess up my life. Rob - remember him? The ski instructor?" Karen handed me a Kleenex. "The guy who looks like Ben Affleck?" "Yeah. He'll be in town this weekend, and I'm SO looking forward to spending some time with him. Except I have to, like, squeeze him in around the wedding? I'm free most of Sunday though, so maybe we'll do something fun together." "That's a good idea. Funny how a new man can help you forget the old one." There was nothing and no one who could ever make me forget Mark, but I didn't argue the point. "Yeah, I like him a lot. He's SO good-looking too." "So you're the perfect match for him," she commented with a wink as she finished patting my legs dry. "Well, we're all done here for now. You can put your clothes back on and I'll see you at the front." What an amazing conversation I'd just had with Karen, I thought as I ran my fingers over my impossibly bare legs, then slowly pulled on my panties, top and skirt. She'd made me feel like I was an intimate female friend, not just a regular customer who paid her for services rendered. And I loved being able to talk sex with that woman! Such great insights about men, too, from someone who knew had the real-life experience. I made sure I was extra generous as I was paying the bill. "Keep me posted about things, okay honey?" she said. "I will ... I promise. And thanks again for the great tip!" "Wait a minute, isn't that what I'm supposed to say?" she laughed. ***** Now, I DID say my schedule was a tad full when Rob was in town, didn't I? Well, it just got fuller with an email I received from my friend Erica the very next day. It was an invitation to a garden dinner party she was hostess-ing at her house the day after our big wedding celebration. Now my first reaction was, 'Oh crap - Rob's here, there's NO way!' and my second was 'Damn! I can't miss THAT!' After all, if I wanted my life to be like Erica's, didn't I need to see for myself how she pulled it all off? Well, maybe not EVERYTHING she pulled off - I could already imagine what went on in their bedroom - but the idea of being the 'hostess with the mostess' really appealed to me and my servant nature. I could totally see myself doing that - if I ever found a man who would marry me and give me the opportunity to be the ideal hostess and the perfect trophy wife, just like Erica. But Rob would be counting on me to spend at least SOME time with him, wouldn't he? How was I going to break it to him? And how could I possibly miss a chance to have him all to myself? With both sides of my brain still arguing, I picked up the phone and called Erica's cell number. She answered on the second ring. "Hi Erica - it's me, Sandy ... I mean Sandra." "Sandra! Oh, how are you, sweetheart? How nice to hear from you!" I could hear a Whitney Houston song in the background. "I'm doing fine," I replied. "Uh, can I talk to you for a minute?" "Sure, let me just pull over so I don't run into someone? I'm a total menace when I'm on the phone ... okay, now let me turn down the music. There, I'm all good now. What's up, honey?" "Umm, I wanted to thank you for the invitation. I'd love to come, more than anything. But ... there's a guy coming into town this weekend? I haven't seen him for a ..." "You mean your hunky ski instructor?" "Yeah - Rob. So I'm kind of torn ... I'm sorry ..." "Sorry about what? Why don't you just bring him with you, honey?" "Bring him? Oh, I'd never want to impose like that ..." "Don't be silly, you're not imposing on anyone. We have lots of space and lots of food. And I'd love to meet him!" "Oh, really? Are you sure?" "Of course! He IS house-trained, isn't he?" That made me giggle. "Uh-huh! But hey, isn't it supposed to be outside?" It was her turn to giggle. "True! But you never know - the weather might not cooperate? We can't be too careful, you know ..." "Erica!" I laughed, "He's the epitome of class. I promise he won't pee on your rug or poop in your flower beds." Of course, I knew very well what she meant by 'house-trained' - she wanted to make sure Rob would fit in with her other guests. She knew I'd come dressed appropriately, but she probably wasn't sure if he'd show up with shorts, sandals and a ripped muscle shirt. Not MY Rob, I thought - he'd be sure to have a nice jacket and dress shoes with him. I remembered what he wore on our dinner and dancing date - that'd be just fine. We chit-chatted a bit more and I thanked her once again for her kind offer. "Is there anything I can bring?" I asked. "Just you and your beau, honey," she replied. Then she gave me some tips on finding her house and parking, and said how much she was looking forward to seeing me again. Well, THAT was unexpected, I thought with a big smile. At least now I didn't need to stress about what to do with Rob that evening, and being around all those other people would certainly keep me out of trouble. But then I thought of something else - Erica was the same kind of 'girl' I was! What if Rob clued in to her true sex? Would that give him a clue about me? 'Oh shit,' I thought, feeling panicked again - 'what have I gotten myself into this time?' ***** My 'beau" called the house while I was at Milestones on the Thursday evening, to say he'd be arriving the next afternoon. Mom, Natalie and her maid of honor Christine were madly working on table centers for the reception (what I should have been doing too, except I couldn't get another night off work) and Mom took the message. When I got home after midnight the girls were just tidying up. "So when do I get to meet your new guy?" chirped Natalie, sounding way too chipper considering all the stress she must have been under. "Sandra told me he's just a friend," Mom interjected, sounding hopeful this was a true statement. I didn't try to correct her. "Oh, I dunno," I replied cautiously. "He's only here for the weekend so I won't be seeing him much myself." I glanced at Mom, who looked pleased. "I'm hoping Mom will let him come to the dinner tomorrow night." That sure changed her expression, and if you think I said that to put her on the spot, you'd be right. "But Sandra, he's not in the wedding party - and he isn't family either..." "I know, but I am and he's my friend. He drove a long way to see me. Anyway, one of Phil's friends is coming." Mom was quiet for a moment, then she shrugged and nodded in defeat. 'That was easier than I expected,' I thought. I thanked her and got busy sweeping up the table center cuttings that had fallen on the floor - in my short tight skirt and revealing top! Not exactly your average maid uniform ... After the other girls had left and I'd changed out of my work outfit, removed my makeup and donned my thin summer nightie, I went back downstairs to retrieve my purse from where I'd dropped it in the living room. Mom was sitting there waiting for me. Of course, you just knew she was going to launch into another big mother-daughter lecture about male-female relationships. "Sandra, I don't mind you dating any boy you want," she said. "But if you're going to get serious you have to be honest with them." "Why?" I asked. "We're not making any commitments to each other. I'm not even, like, going steady with Rob. He just likes dating me and I like dating him, that's all." "Sandra, any boy that drives halfway across the country to see you is serious." "Mom, he isn't really doing that - Cincinnati's right on his way. He'd never go out of his way just to see me." Now, if you think I believed a word of that you'd be wrong. At least part of my huge attraction to Rob was thinking he was attracted to me - enough that he WOULD go out of his way. "Well, I'm your mother and I just don't want to see you get hurt. Mark was different - he knew about you from the start. This boy Rob, how do you know what his intentions are?" "For heaven's sakes, Mom, I DO know. He thinks I'm pretty and he wants to hang out, do things with me ... like taking me out dancing - stuff I like to do. Mom, he's really nice. You just need to get to know him." Mom was shaking her head. "I already know what men are like, Sandra. And you haven't been a girl long enough to know what I know. When you're a lot older you'll think differently about men, trust me." "Well I just want to spend some time with him this weekend, and he wants to spend some time with me, okay? It's not his fault the wedding's going on at the same time." "Maybe it's a GOOD thing the wedding's at the same time." ***** I had to work lunch the next day to partly make up for taking the whole weekend off. But I had one special errand to do before that - a visit to the fancy women's apparel shop to use my gift certificate for some important dress shopping! I know, my closet was already stuffed with skirts and dresses, but I needed something extra-perfect for Erica's dinner party, and I prayed they weren't selling fall clothes yet, or at least they'd have some summer dresses left on the clearance rack. There was no doubt in my mind how Erica would look, so there's no chance I was going to show up in some boring outfit I'd already worn a million times. When I stepped through the entrance I was enchanted - every wall was covered with images of exactly the kind of girl I aspired to be - kind of carefree and fun-loving, active yet decidedly feminine personality, with clothing mixed and matched to suit a wide variety of activities from work to play to romantic evenings out. But I barely had the chance to take it all in before a smartly-dressed mid-twenties girl with long, perfectly straight dark hair approached me. "Hi," she said, "My name's Stephanie. Can I show you some of our new styles?" "Oh, I'm uh ... actually shopping for a dress. Do you still have some summer clothes?" "We always have them. A lot of our customers go someplace warm in the winter, and they like to buy new dresses or skirts and tops. We get a lot of girls going on their honeymoon too." "I totally get that," I giggled. "I'd want a whole new wardrobe!" "I KNOW! So that's in your future?" Stephanie smiled, glancing in the direction of my left hand. I did the same and saw no ring on hers either. "Oh, I hope so! Mister right hasn't asked me yet." "I KNOW," she exclaimed again. "I've been waiting for like, a whole entire year! Why do guys have to be so SLOW?" Then she laughed, or maybe it was more of a giggle, but I had the sense she felt she could connect with me emotionally on a strictly woman-centric issue, namely, the reluctance of guys to commit. "So let's take a look at some ideas for you. What IS the occasion?" "A dinner party. It's outside - so I need something light? Sleeveless would be best, so I don't have to worry about ..." "Sweat marks. Sure ... how about something like this?" She pulled a solid-color beige dress off the rack. I liked the style, but ... "I'm kind of looking for something more classy - maybe a bit more tailoring? And it needs to be really showy, like a huge print or something." "You want to turn heads, right? Sure, let me see what we have ..." I followed the girl to a tall display rack containing several rows of colorful dresses arranged for easy inspection. "You'd look amazing in one of these," she said, giving my body a once-over. "It's a designer in New York - he does them exclusively for us, so you shouldn't find anyone else wearing the same thing." She held one up to her body. It was exactly the concept I had in mind, if not the color, and I really liked the playful white daisy print on the flounced skirt. But the bodice looked quite small. "We call the style fit-and-flare," she said. "You need to have the body for it - the top fits like a second skin, so you have to be pretty lean and mean. And look at the skirt - it just billows at the hemline, doesn't it? Very feminine. Perfect for a cruise! Can I help you try one on?" Twist my arm! Though when she said I'd need the perfect body, I wasn't so sure mine would fit the bill. "Uh, yes, maybe ... but what other colors are there? I'm not sure that teal would look any good on me ..." I was thinking if they didn't have a suitable color, I'd be off the hook. She nodded and said, "they don't do primary colors - they're all blends." She sorted through a few more color choices and I caught sight of a unique reddish-yellow. "There - can I see that one?" I grabbed the skirt. My first thought was, this isn't really my color either, but it's SO different. When I saw the whole thing I just had to try it on. "It's ochre," the girl explained. "It's so unusual, isn't it? I love this color." She was already checking which sizes they had. Then she directed me to a fitting room and handed me one to test fit. "You'll need to do your hair and makeup AFTER you put it on," she pointed out as I wiggled the pretty garment down around my body, popping my arms out one at a time. I'd already figured that out - the snug top was definitely a squeeze, and being solid white like the daisy patterns on the skirt, was a sitting duck for makeup stains. Stephanie's face lit up when I emerged to do the mirror check. "Wow - I knew you had the body for this dress! Take a look!" Her compliment had already put a big smile on my face, so when I saw my reflection I knew instantly that this was the dress for me. I looked stunning! 'Need to smile a lot at the party,' I noted. But that just completed the look. The bodice was definitely fitted - tight might be the better word - but I loved what it did for the shape of my breasts, without looking the slightest bit trashy. And thank God I hadn't overeaten that year - the waistline would have been totally unforgiving. The dress was fitted all the way to the widest part of my hips and butt before flaring out towards the hem. As expected, my skin looked amazing against the pure white top, and the ochre background of the skirt made the huge white daisies 'pop.' "I love the color too," I said aloud, turning back and forth to get the full effect. As I rotated my upper body, the calf-length hemline swirled in the most amazing way, and it reminded me of a ballerina's dress. "I wonder if you can get away without your bra," Stephanie suggested. "The straps are skinny, but your bra still shows. Here, let me help you." Without waiting for me to weigh in, she began slipping off the shoulder straps and pulling the top down low enough. "May I?" she asked, and when I nodded she undid the rear hooks and slipped off the bra, exposing everything I had up front. Another thank God moment! "I think you're the perfect size for this," she told me, "and you're the right age too." I took that to mean I wasn't old enough to have droopy boobs. When the dress was back in place we took another look at the overall effect and I had to agree - as much as being able to wear a bra was a really cool part of my life as a girl, in this case I presented way better without one. One look at my chest in this dress would convince anyone there wasn't a boy anywhere inside! "Your party's outdoors?" she asked. "Should be warm enough then. You want to be careful about your nipples - they'll show!" "Okay," I replied, but to myself I said, 'So let them!" But I made a mental note to pack a thin light bra in my purse, just in case it got cool. Stephanie had been standing back examining the whole look. "Hmm - let's try something. I think a belt would go well here," she mused. "Let. What color of jewelry do you wear?" "Mostly silver, some white." "Okay, let's see what I've got." She went over to a rack of belts, chose a few, and began holding them up to my waist. I didn't think the silver-colored ones did the job at all, and she must have agreed, because she went back twice for different belts. The third time I went with her, and I spotted what I thought was an interesting belt on a clothing display a few feet away. "How about that one?" I asked. It was made up of continuous daisy-like flower segments in a teal-colored leather, each about an inch and a half in diameter, with bright silver flower centers about the size of nickels. "Oh, that's a really nice belt, but it's not exactly what I had in mind," she said, "but it would sure contrast wouldn't it?" So she pulled the belt off the display and looped it around my waist. "Wow! I like it a lot. Are you sure you're good with the teal?" "If it's only an accessory ..." "Uh-huh," she agreed. "It IS a nice contrast. I like how it sits perfectly at your natural waistline. And it really accentuates the whole fit-and-flare look. What do YOU think?" "It's really different - but so's the dress? So I think I'll go with it. Can I take a look at your other accessories?" "Sure, let's see what we've got." By the time I'd left the shop, I'd used up my whole gift certificate and twenty-five more in cash, but I was totally thrilled. The dress wasn't cheap, but Stephanie had helped me choose lots of new accessories like bracelets, neck chains and even a couple pairs of earrings that I knew would go well with tons of my existing clothes. The best part was, I now felt like I could attend Erica's function and not feel underdressed. As I headed down the street to the bus stop I just had to smile. Once again I'd totally fooled a salesperson at a women's wear shop. Not of those women one had ever given the slightest indication of suspecting I wasn't any different on the inside than what I appeared to be on the outside. And I began to wonder if it wouldn't be as much fun to shop after I got my surgery. I mean, it wouldn't be much of a masquerade any more, would it? ***** Working that day gave Rob the perfect excuse to meet me afterwards and drive me home. We greeted each other warmly, meaning lots of embraces and kisses in front of my co-workers, and off we went in his SUV. I informed him about the upcoming garden party, and said he was welcome to come for the post-rehearsal dinner that night, and like the kind gentleman he was, he offered to help with the driving back and forth to the church. I readily accepted his offer, feeling relieved that he didn't seem annoyed that there wouldn't be more opportunities to have me to himself. While we drove back to my house I couldn't help staring at his handsome face. He looked even better than I remembered, if that was possible! And he'd stare at my face whenever we stopped for a light, and take my hand and tell me I was more beautiful than he remembered, if THAT was possible. What a great start to a really wonderful weekend! At home I reluctantly left Rob to chat with Mom while I dashed upstairs to change out of my work outfit and into something more appropriate for the hot day - a cool yellow sundress, the prettiest one I owned. I quickly spritzed some fresh perfume behind my ears and on my wrists, but left my hair and makeup as-is, so I could get back and drag him away before she said anything I'd regret. The church rehearsal was mercifully short, and Rob sat at the back as us bridesmaids practiced our processional and were shown our positions next to the bride. Only Natalie and I had dresses on - the others all wore shorts. I didn't have to do much except hold my own bouquet and listen to the other girls giggle as they discussed my friend in whispered voices. "Does he ever look like that Ben, you know?" Cindy said. "Affleck," Christine added. "Oh no, this guy's better looking," Keri opined. "Is he coming to the wedding?" asked Christine, sounding hopeful. "No," I replied sadly, "he wasn't invited." "That sucks!" stated Cindy. "Sandy, tell Natalie he has to come!" Then the bride-to-be and her father rehearsed their walk down the aisle and the pastor gave everyone a few pointers, and we were done! Back at home, Rob helped set up tables and chairs on the back lawn, and all us girls (except the bride) pitched in to set the tables and start moving the food from the kitchen to a big buffet table. I was SO thankful for his help, since the guys were nowhere in sight. Both of Mom's employees were doing the cooking and the food looked absolutely delicious! When we were ready I took a few minutes to introduce Rob to my fellow bridesmaids. They were all ga-ga and nearly incoherent, but Natalie, always the class act, beamed at him as he took her hand. "Oh, Sandra's told me so much about you," she nicely fibbed. "And I've heard great things about YOU," he replied. "Congratulations! And thanks for inviting me tonight." "Oh, you should thank Mrs. Johnson for that. But I CAN invite you to the wedding tomorrow. We'd love to have you, 'specially since you drove all the way from Colorado ..." "Oh, it was worth it," Rob smiled, glancing at me, "but I wasn't trying to be a wedding crasher, I'm just here to visit this charming lady." Natalie's grinned at me and her eyes sparkled. "Well, like I said you're more than welcome." He looked at me again but I just shrugged as though to say, 'It's up to you,' even though I fervently hoped he'd accept. "Sure, I'd be honored to come to your wedding," he answered, giving me a big smile. I was thrilled! But there was another surprise coming. "And the reception too," she stated rather than asked. "I apologize, Rob - I should've asked Sandra to invite you before. Please say you'll come." Rob's reaction was to look at me for my opinion - of course, I nodded eagerly. "Sure, thanks, I'd love to." I was shocked - but ecstatic! What had changed? I wondered. "Oh thank you Natalie," I squealed. "But I thought ..." "It was my mistake," she interrupted. "Just too many things going on I guess ..." "I can't imagine," he said. "My sister got married last year and she needed a wedding planner, the whole shebang. You're pretty amazing to be pulling it off all by yourself." Natalie's face showed her pleasure at the compliment, but she replied with her usual modesty, "Oh, I AM getting SOME help ... Phil's been doing stuff, and Sandra, my Mom ..." "Speaking of Phil, where ARE those guys?" I asked, looking around and apart from Rob, seeing only females. "They should've been here twenty minutes ago," said natalie, shaking her head. Just as we began wondering if we should start without them, the guys barged through the backyard gate tossing a football back and forth and looking totally disheveled. Mom scolded them, "You boys are late! We were supposed to sit down fifteen minutes ago!" "Sorry, Mom, We were playing a little touch over at the park," said Phil, not sounding very contrite. I remembered he and his groomsmen would be leaving for his stag right after dinner. What a great evening it was! Great food, great company (one in particular!) and great weather, too. I was SO glad I chose to dress nicely for my beau, 'cause I got lots of nice compliments. And I have to admit, it felt super-terrific to know that the other girls were envious of me. Sorry! But it was just one more of those special experiences many women have - at least the ones who hook up with super- hunky guys - that I wanted so badly to experience myself. ***** I could write two whole chapters on that wedding day - but I'll spare you the agony. In some ways it felt like it wasn't only my new sister- in-law's special day, it was mine too. Why shouldn't it? Having my hair and makeup done in a very pretty, romantic style, being able to wear that oh-so-beautiful dress all day long, feeling so ultra-feminine, being the center of attention (okay, not THE center of attention, but close enough!), and having Rob present - SO handsome and sexy in a charcoal-black suit that matched his hair color and a silk tie the same shade of green as his eyes. I could hardly keep my eyes off him! And my earlier case of nerves proved to be unfounded, as Rob hardly interacted at all with any of Phil's buddies - but he sure had no trouble talking to any of the girls in attendance! Another good reason to keep my eyes on him. Strangely, it kept occurring to me over the course of the day that I was a very fortunate fella. Yes, that's exactly what was going through my mind! After all, how many other males would ever get to experience a day like I had? Only a very few people in attendance knew what I really was, or what I'd been - the rest only saw an attractive young woman - well, judging by the compliments I got from women and the stares from men, that's how THEY saw me. And let me tell you, there's nothing like that kind of attention to make you feel beautiful, and it goes right to your head! I think my obsession with looking like the perfect girl turned into more of an addiction that day. The only downer was being separated from Rob during the church ceremony, and for the photo session, and for most of the reception since I had to sit at the head table with the wedding party. Lucky him, he got to sit with Mom and Natalie's folks. But we traded smiles and waves and had little wee visits whenever we could. As unique and emotional as the wedding ceremony was, and as amazing and fun as the reception was (I got to tell everyone some funny stories about growing up with Phil, and I even caught the bouquet!), the best part for me came later that evening. They'd hired a deejay for a dance, and I finally got to have Rob to myself. We'd danced on a date before, but this time was way more fun and in some ways it felt a lot more romantic. I think because it was a wedding, and I looked and felt beautiful in my clingy, filmy dress and gorgeous hair and makeup, and I'd caught the bouquet, and maybe 'cause I'd consumed more toasting champagne than I should have ... well, I let myself slide easily into an erotic fantasy that I'd get to marry this amazing guy and be his very own beautiful trophy wife (and of course he'd be my very own trophy husband), and we'd have glorious sex every single day, and I'd make him the happiest man on earth. That made me want to press my body as close to his as I possibly could ... and I DID, making sure my boobs were pushing firmly against his chest, and I wrapped both my arms around his shoulders and neck, not just in the slow dances! Rob responded by holding me close with one hand on the small of my back and the other variously on my upper back (when others could see) and on one (or both!) of my butt cheeks (when he thought they couldn't). And wow - could I ever feel how hard he was! As for me, I found myself kissing his face and lips whenever I wanted to, which was all the time, and I didn't care in the slightest if anyone was watching. Oh God, that man was SO sexy! He made me completely forget my earlier musings about being a male in a female role, and I don't think I'd ever had such an erotic experience in my life. ***** As you might expect, I caught hell from Mom after we got home much later that night. I don't know if she'd witnessed the passionate kissing that went on for something like half an hour on the front porch, but I knew she'd seen enough of our 'dirty dancing' to conclude that I was head-over-heels nuts about Rob, and that he was totally after my bod. She was more right than even SHE knew, and a lot more than I was prepared to admit! Mom was dressed in her nightgown, waiting up for me in the living room. "Sandra," she began two seconds after I walked through the door, "I can't believe you let that boy manhandle you like that. What were you thinking?" "I wasn't thinking anything." "THAT's obvious." "Mom, for Pete's sake, please calm down. Nothing happened. Nothing COULD happen. I was just having fun. Can't I just enjoy being a girl? What's wrong with that?" "What's wrong is you're behaving like ... like a tramp." "MOM!" "Did he ask you to go back to his hotel with him?" "Well, yes, but ..." "Well, thank heavens you had enough sense not to. Sandra - you have to believe what I'm telling you - men can be very, uh ... very dangerous." "C'mon - Rob? He'd NEVER hurt me." "Maybe not physically ... but you could get badly hurt emotionally. When this relationship ends you'll feel used, taken advantage of, or worse. That can be very hurtful, and you might never get over it." 'What if it doesn't end?' was the thought I never voiced. But even I knew better. So I changed tactics. "Well maybe it's ME that's using HIM. Did you ever think of that?" "Sandra! I can't believe what you're saying. You're not the kind of person who would take advantage of others." She was mostly right, but not entirely. For the chance to live THAT aspect of a woman's life, I might be capable of anything. "Whatever ... it's just that I'm enjoying this relationship SO MUCH. Mom, I feel like I'm really learning how to be a girl, a woman ... in this kind of situation. It was different with Mark, 'cause he knew all about me. Rob doesn't, so he treats me differently, like he would treat a real girl. And he thinks I'm really pretty ... and he makes me feel so special. I just love how I feel when I'm with him." Mom didn't look convinced, but she did look tired of arguing. "I'm happy for you, Sandra, I really am. I'm glad I had the chance to talk to him this evening, and he seems like a nice enough boy, but I just have this nagging feeling that you're getting yourself into trouble. So please, just remember what I said. I'm your mother and all I want is what's best for you, and I don't ever want you to be hurt." With that I went over and put my arms around her and told her how much I loved her. Not that my mind was changed or anything like that ... ***** The next morning I was up as early as my exhausted body would let me - which was still past nine but in all likelihood a lot earlier than Natalie, whom I guessed my brother would have kept awake all night with never-ending demands for all the sex he'd been forced to postpone, my new sister being one of those rare girls who were determined to do it 'right' and wait till marriage. My face broke into a smile as I imagined what it must be like to have a man want you THAT badly. Looking at my reflection in the mirror, I had to giggle - who would want ME in this state, I mused. I'd been too tired to remove any of my makeup, and my hair still had some semblance of the ultra-cute up-do I'd received a day earlier - but I'm sure I looked more like a cheap hooker after a nonstop night of tricks than an innocent little bridesmaid. Still, as I felt for each of the two or three dozen bobby pins and carefully extracted them from my knotted hair, it occurred to me there WAS a guy who wanted me badly. And he probably wouldn't be satisfied till he had what he was after - just like Mom warned me. The big question was, how in the world was I going to deliver? To be continued ....