Conclusions
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I woke up with a start, a full hour before the alarm went off. Tossing
and turning, I couldn't fall back asleep as worries crept into my mind.
Finally I just surrendered and got up a half hour early. I went through
my normal routine of washing my face, shaving, and brushing my teeth.
But I also spent time trying to remove or lessen the lip stain and
making sure all traces of mascara and eye liner were gone. I pulled my
hair back like always, but my ponytail was now fluffy with some curl
rather than being straight and flat. When I started to get dressed, I
hesitated slightly in choosing my underwear. My regular attire for the
past six months had been panties; now I looked at them with concern.
Maybe I should just wear my men's briefs? But finally I relented. The
attraction to the pretty, soft women's underwear was just too strong. I
did settle for a somewhat plain pair of light blue string bikinis with
just lace at the sides. A blue long-sleeve button down dress shirt and
navy slacks completed the look; the total color coordination being an
accident or at most a subconscious effort. When I arrived at work, I
started my project updates that I would need to present at the morning
planning meeting at 9:30. Our week always started this way, and I knew
we would break just before lunch. That's when I would get the third-
degree from Denise and Jan about my weekend. In the meeting I could
hide somewhat behind my summary sheets, but once I got together with
the women, it would be harder to conceal my slightly coral-tinted lips,
my curly ponytail, or discolored fingernails. I would just have to do
my best, and previewed several explanations as I worked.
The meeting went as I expected. My role in the company was small; so I
only needed five minutes for updates. As always, I got a positive look
from my supervisor Gail when I finished. I felt lucky to work for her,
as she let you know when you did good work, stood up for you with
management, and as long as you did your job, was easy to work for.
After listening to everyone's update as well as the management goals
for the week, the meeting broke up at 11:30. I had tried to slip out
ahead of my friends, but they soon caught me in the hall. Our normal
pattern on Monday's was to eat in my office, each of us bringing a
small lunch, so we'd have more time to visit. Later in the week, we'd
venture out to a local restaurant for something more substantial but
today it was more about conversation than food.
"Doesn't it seem like those meetings get longer every week? Even if we
get out at the same time, the minutes crawl by. I wish we could just do
it all by conference call or skype or something, so we could stay in
our own offices for two hours."
"I know what you mean Jan. I'd go for anything if I didn't have to look
at June fiddle with her nails the whole time, or hear Sumrall's nose
whistles. I mean give me a break."
Denise's comment got us both to laugh, making me feel a little better.
That's one reason I liked these two so well. They'd pick you up if you
were feeling down and they were always there to support you in good or
bad times. But at the same time, they could gig you pretty hard too.
Jan once told me that if they ever stopped kidding me, then look out
because it was bad news. Maybe I could get through today without too
much hassle, but I doubted it.
"So, what's up with you Charlie Chaplin? You barely spoke at the
meeting, looked down at your note pad the whole time, and even passed
on the doughnuts. You have a rough weekend or too good of one?"
"Maybe a little of both, Denise, I mean sometimes it's hard to get
started on the first day of the week."
"Uh-oh, someone's got a 'Case of the Mondays'. Personally, I'm betting
on it being too good a weekend. I mean your lips look like your new
girlfriend kissed them so much she bruised them and you seem like
you're in a daze. Did she keep you up all night last night?"
"Nice try, Jan, but I'm not a kiss and tell type guy."
"Well you better be, because I'm not leaving your office until I get
the whole scoop. Let's start slowly then. You spun a pretty sad story
about your Saturday plans of drudgery. Did you get everything done?"
"Yes, I should have, I spent all day cleaning, washing, and picking up.
I didn't quit till after 9. It's hard to imagine one guy could make
such a mess. But you know, it feels so good when you work that much and
everything is in its right place, the room sparkles, and it just smells
nice, you know?"
"I do know what you mean. Something about a clean place makes you feel
safe, secure, and on track. Maybe it's because when you were growing up
that meant your mom had everything under control. But personally, I'd
be happier if a maid did it all for me. So did you hear from Barbara
that night?"
"Oh yes, she called just like she said. We talked some and made our
plans for Sunday. But before I give you any more details, how did your
hunt for Princes go?"
"Well it was pretty slim pickings, unless we assumed that all the frog-
types we ran into were hexed royalty. But it was nice in the park, we
got a good walk in, didn't we Denise?"
"Yes but we did score later in the day. Jan and I went shopping and
found both some bargains and some hot info."
"Info, you mean like gossip?"
"No, more like good background data. I have to confess we went by the
Kensington Shopping Gallery and poked around the stores. Finally while
we were browsing at the Fashion Place, we saw someone who fit the
description you gave us. We were both dying to know a little more about
a certain co-worker and his new found friend. So we did some snooping."
"What? Don't tell me you were checking up on me?"
"Not you so much as her. We wandered around each store a bit until we
saw a saleslady who looked right. Her name tag said Barbara so I went
up and inquired about exchanging an item, claiming I didn't have it
with me. She laid out the policy, gave us her word that anything we
were unhappy with, she would take back, and did it all in a cheerful
way. I then asked if I could bring it to her tomorrow for a refund. She
said another staff member could take it back, but she was off that day.
That clinched it for us; we knew we had the right girl."
"Yes and from the look of it, we think you have the right one too.
Barbara is just like you described, a bit tall perhaps, but she dresses
nice, was super friendly, even to two complaining witches, and seems
real. She's not at all like those petite little blondes you normally
chase that not only can't think and walk at the same time, but can't
see their own feet below their chest. Barb has an actual normal looking
body and you're right about her pretty eyes. So now that we have
confessed, please tell us our investigation wasn't in vain. Did you
have a good time on Sunday, maybe on in to early Monday morning?"
"I should have known better than to tell you two, anything. But yes, I
did have a good time. On Saturday she suggested we get together at her
place for a little swimming, tanning, a cookout, and just relaxing. So
that's what we did. It was a good way to get to know each other better,
without all the stress of going out on the town."
"So did you drive over to her place? Where does she live?"
"No, she came by and picked me up. We went out for coffee at the Hot
Cup. You know the one down by the bay and afterwards we went shopping
to buy food for dinner. Then we went to her condo at West Valley and
spent the afternoon by the pool. I met several of her friends and we
cooked swordfish on her grill. It was nice, real relaxing and
friendly."
"West Valley, that place is swanky isn't it?"
"It is very nice. Her condo is decorated perfectly and the pool is so
big. They have a clubhouse with a bar and everyone was super friendly.
I had a great time."
"Tell me if I'm wrong, but she seems to be taking the lead on
everything. I mean she's picked you up for both your dates, set the
schedule, and generally taken control. You said she comes by it
naturally, so did she give you the tour of her place, show you all the
rooms, and maybe let you see her bedroom too?"
"You guys are horrible."
"Well when it has been as long as it has for us to go out on a date, we
need something to keep us going. Come on spill, give us detail."
I began to blush now. I knew they'd keep pressing, but I didn't want to
talk about being with Barb in that way, at least not explicitly. I
decided to give them some but keep most of it secret.
"Well, yes we did get to know each other a bit better. Barb is really a
special person, I think. Perhaps I'm just being swayed by how fast it's
all going, but it seemed perfect. I love the way she kisses, soft yet
demanding. She's open and makes sure we communicated so everything
seemed natural. She has a way of telling you what to do that keeps the
excitement going."
I knew as soon as I said the last statement that I could be in trouble.
I started to clarify what I meant, when Jan spoke up.
"So she is running the show. I knew she take charge everywhere. I bet
she has you doing just what she wants. I wouldn't be surprised if she
pinned you as well."
"Pinned? I don't know what you mean?"
"Yeah Jan, what is that? You never mentioned that before."
"Well it is just something I heard about on Twitter. A couple of the
women I follow got to talking about it. Apparently, more aggressive
women are pushing back on men who want to have it only their way. They
talked about pinning a guy to be sure the sex is pleasurable for the
women first. Basically rather than let the guy control sex during
intercourse, they flip the tables, so they are on top during sex. They
use a position where the woman is between the guy's legs and make him
spread his legs wide open. That way they control how the penis is
moved, how fast, what directions, everything is now driven by her
movements. The guy has to just take it however she wants it. Plus
having the guy spread wide open, laid out on his back emphasizes his
vulnerabilities and makes it obvious who is taking whom. Apparently it
is becoming quite common for more dominant women and their submissive
men. They call it pinning, because it is like when a collector captures
a butterfly, they spread its wings and use pins to hold them open for
display. So, given how Barb seems to like directing the action, I
assume she'd love to pin your wings open, Sammie boy."
"Oh Jan that is so silly! I'm sure Barb and Sam had a wonderful time.
No need to be making fun, especially since neither one of us has been
as lucky as Sam has lately."
As Jan made her explanation of 'pinning', I couldn't help but start to
blush even more furiously than before. It all fit what Barb had made me
do. Not that it wasn't enjoyable but the whole role switch was
unexpected. Now he was embarrassed by how it had happened to him and
especially how Jan had described it as being something dominant women
force on their submissive men. I wanted to respond in some way to
negate her comments but couldn't think of what to say, as my head was
full of the images of Barb spreading my legs wide open. Just as I was
about to deny it all, we heard footsteps and a knock on the frame of my
open doorway. A delivery man was standing there, holding a vase full of
roses, all red except for one large white one right in the middle of
the arrangement.
"Hello I have a delivery for Ms. Shaw. They told me at the reception
desk that this was the right room. Is it one of you lovely ladies?"
"Not really, if it is for Shaw, that would be lovely Sam here."
"Oh, I'm sorry; the card says Sue Shaw, not Sam. Maybe they wrote it
down wrong, as the delivery address is definitely right. Here you go
Mr. Shaw, enjoy."
The guy had begun to blush, turned, and left without even waiting for a
tip. Both Jan and Denise were smiling and chuckling at me as I opened
the card. I started to scan it and verified it was from Barb. As I was
looking at the text, Jan plucked it from my hand.
"Let me see, who sent this. I swear if Barb is sending you flowers I'm
going to file a protest. She's making the rest of us women look bad.
First she asks you out, drives you around, pays for the dates, and
takes the lead in everything. If she is sending you flowers, then
that's the final straw! Plus we have to get to the bottom of this 'Sue'
name. Has she christened you with a new nickname for some reason?"
As she read it quickly she broke out in a smile and handed it to Denise
who giggled as she read it.
"Told you so, I knew she'd be into that kind of thing. I like how
she's given you a new nickname but which one is it, Sue or butterfly?"
I blushed more and took it from Denise to see what it said.
"Dear Sue just wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed last night.
You were wonderful, my new little butterfly and I can't wait to see you
again. I know we are right for each other and I hope you feel the same.
I'll call you later to see about dinner. Love, Barb."
As I sat there stunned at how Barb had now given my workmates far too
much information, I could hear the women giggle. I knew I had to be
blazing red, I could feel my face getting warmer and warmer.
"Come on now, are you really going to be a boy named Sue? If so, we
might need to do a little shopping later. Maybe Barb would give you a
special discount at her store."
That comment just struck me to the core. The feeling had been building
each minute since we got to my office. Although individually the little
jabs from Jan and Denise weren't too much, added together I just felt
overwhelmed. Both because so many of them were accurate and they made
me realize how unhappy I was in my current situation. I hated getting
ready this morning. Putting on my male clothes after spending a
wonderful, fulfilling, and exciting weekend as Sue, dressed like I had
always dreamed of, was too depressing. Sitting in the meeting room, the
contrast couldn't have been greater. Six guys dressed more or less
alike, with perhaps a different color shirt or tie. Their uniformity in
comparison to the lively variety shown by the seven women, each with
their own colorful look, from Gail's professional suit in a lovely
lilac to Tara's short skirt and fluttery sleeve top in vibrant blue and
green print, emphasized how much I wanted to look like a woman rather
than a man. I knew I was not a typical guy. This weekend cemented it
for me. I mean I had at least two guys tell me I looked really sexy.
The clincher was how right it felt with Barb. I know I should have been
upset with how she fucked me. She did totally pin me and essentially
took my cock as her own. But in thinking about it, I loved it. I loved
being dressed like a pretty present for her, as well as bringing her
off with my mouth and tongue. I had tried to be upset about it, but the
longer I pictured it my mind, the happier it made me. So being teased
by the women for what I really wanted just triggered a release of this
emotional conflict. I couldn't take it and burst out in tears. Not
wanting to sit there and cry in front of them, I ran from the room
toward the restrooms. Of course with my luck, Stanley was just going
into the men's, but I could see the open door of the women's restroom
indicated it was empty so I went straight into it. I could hear Jan and
Denise following me, but I didn't care. I was running on emotion not
logic. The room was empty, so I went to the far stall and sat down,
tears really rolling down my cheeks now. As I suspected they were soon
standing at the stall door, peering in.
"Sam, what's wrong? We didn't mean to make you upset. I apologize for
being so mean. We meant it as a joke. We're fine with whatever you and
Barb agree on. It is really none of our business but if you want to
talk we'll be glad to listen."
I looked up at them. I could tell they were being sincere and by now I
was just done with it. So, I stopped crying a bit and unbuttoned the
top three buttons on my shirt, pulling it apart, so they could see the
stark contrast between my tanned chest and the pale area around my
breasts where the swimsuit top was. Letting go of the top of my shirt,
I then pulled it out of my pants, and slid down the side of my pants
down, reached in and pulled up my underwear. They could see the baby
blue color and lace trim of my panties. Letting that go, I put my face
in my hands, sobbing and tried to explain.
"Take a look, at the real me. I am more a Sue than a Sam. I spent all
weekend with Barb as the person I want to be, Sue. I laid out by her
pool in a cute two piece bikini swimsuit. We went out and I wore lovely
dresses and high heels, with pretty panties and bras underneath. We did
make love like you said. I spread wide for her and loved it. I'm not
the guy you think I am. I'm more woman than man, at least emotionally
and spiritually. I've hidden my true self for so long, it's hard to
know who I am, but I know I was truly happy this weekend. That's why my
hair is curly. And my darker lips are from my coral lipstick I wore for
her, with matching polish too. After being so free all weekend, it is
just sad to have to hide again, but what can I do? Even telling you
two, my best friends, makes me so scared and I feel like I am falling
off a cliff. But I can't go on like this, trying to be someone I'm
not."
I burst out in tears again. Both women came to me and gave me hug,
Denise lightly kissing my forehead before speaking.
"Oh honey we had no idea. I mean we knew you weren't like most of the
guys here. You were kind, friendly without being creepy, and just
seemed to be interested in all the things we were interested in. I
guess we should have seen it. I mean we knew you weren't gay. Your
dates with our friends told us that, but we didn't imagine that you saw
yourself as feminine. Honestly, looking at you, your assessment is
right. Your hair is pretty, your face has nice soft features, and your
body is more lithe and trim than thick and muscular. So if you've found
someone who loves you for who you really are and you are so unhappy
trying to be Sam, maybe you need to just be Sue all the time."
"Of course you should. No one should have to be someone they aren't
just to please others. Personally l would love to have a new girlfriend
at work. Really, if you are unhappy and think you're ready for the
change, you should go for it. I don't think it would matter to the
company; I mean the last hire, Taylor, is gay and was open about it.
You might not know it, but Gail's son is gay too. So I would think you
being trans-gender shouldn't be a problem to her or the company. If you
want, I'd be glad to talk to her about it. We get along really well and
she's shared some of her concerns about her son's problems with me. She
was worried about how others would treat him, so I think she'd be
sensitive about you too. Just stop crying, it will be okay, I promise."
The outpouring of support from Jan and Denise did make me feel better.
I had dreaded anyone ever finding out about the real me. But now that I
was telling those closest to me, it wasn't anything like I had feared.
I guess I should have given them more credit, but I saw myself as so
different as to not be acceptable in general society. Their soothing
comments stopped my tears and I finally looked up at them and smiled.
They returned the gesture and we had a group hug. Jan took some toilet
tissue to dry my eyes, and I stood up. Looking in the mirror, I looked
hideous. My eyes were red and swollen from the tears, my lips were
puffed out too, and my hair was a mess. But I felt better inside. They
convinced me to return to my office and we sat and talked softly for
over an hour while we ate. They told me reassuring things about my
situation and I opened my inner feelings to them more. I also shared
more about my life so far with Barb, including how we really met. I
apologized to them for not being honest before and as they left we had
a group hug again. Later that afternoon, Gail came to my office and
shut the door to talk. We cleared the air about a lot of things. She
told me that it would be fine for me to dress and look whatever way
made me most comfortable as long as it was business appropriate. She
said I was one of my most reliable and productive workers and she even
expected that if I allowed the real me to come out, that I would be an
even better employee. I told her I valued her support and that I always
respected her as a supervisor, but even more so now. By the time she
had left, we had a real plan on how I could transition to my new look
and life at work. Just as I was getting my work life resolved, the
phone rang. It was Barbara.
"Hello little butterfly, how is work going?"
"Oh Barb I can't describe how wild it has been over the phone. I'll
have to tell you in person. But the big news is that I've come out to
my friends and supervisor about my true self. They now know all about
Sue. And they are fine with her. They've encourage me to be myself at
work, as well as at home. So my life is going to change, change a lot.
Are you okay with that?"
"Okay, I'm ecstatic about it! If you can be Sue all the time, then I
can build my life around you. I hated seeing you bounce back and forth,
especially when I felt you wanted to be Sue more than anything else in
the world. That's one reason I reached out to your when you bought
stuff at my store. I hated thinking that you were depriving yourself of
happiness. Plus now, I can be who I wanted to be as well. I loved what
we've experience the past week, and you fit what I had in mind for my
lover for so long, it is amazing. But I warn you, if you want to be Sue
at work, you're going to need a whole new wardrobe. Most of Sue's
clothes are too sexy or casual for work. But I can help you with all
that. We can find the perfect combination of feminine and professional.
Are you ready?"
"Certainly, but I did have one question. Jan told me about some women
pinning their guys, explaining what it really was. Is that what you did
to me last night? Was that intentional?"
"Honestly, it was. I was never comfortable with a man leading in sex.
When I heard about it, I had to do it. It was so perfect with you, it
exceeded my expectations. So it is something I want to continue, plus I
also expect you to allow me to push other boundaries as well. Only this
time I'll be more open and upfront about it. Like pegging, if you don't
know what that is, I'll explain it over dinner tonight when I come to
pick up Sue at her place. Say about 7? Also, I think Mark is really
interested in you and perhaps eventually we could explore crossing that
kind of boundary as well, but for now it will just be me and you,
okay?"
"Oh yes! I will allow you to lead, it suits me just fine. So I'll be
ready at seven. I was thinking that maybe I could stay tonight and go
straight to work tomorrow? If so, I can bring some of makeup, and maybe
the top and Capri outfit we bought. Is that okay or too fast?"
"No that is wonderful, little butterfly, I always wanted to live my
life in an extra-large way, so let's get going."
Now I could smile for real. My life was changing, maybe too fast, but
it was what I had always dreamed about and I couldn't imagine being any
happier.
Julianne
- 18.05.2022
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