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November 15 Well, I did it! After thinking about it for a while, I decided to take the plunge - I quit my boring job, bought a nice starter home, and began work on the Great American Novel. I figured with my master's degree in English, I need to do more with my life than just crunch numbers in some cubicle. And I figured I should keep a journal. Not only will it keep my writing skills sharp, it should also be fun to look back on when I become rich and famous. Maybe I can show my kids how the great Christopher Garmon started his great career. Speaking of kids, though. My neighbor seems nice, and he has a really cute daughter. I think she's in college, but that wouldn't be too weird, right? I mean, I'm 27. She's probably 21? I think that would be fine. We're both adults. I'm going to see how we hit it off once I talk to her. I probably need to unpack some more things. I probably won't write a lot in here, but as long as I write every once in a while, I should be fine. November 18 I was right. My neighbor is nice! His name is Darrin Morris, and he's really polite and helpful. He saw me struggling with a couple of boxes, and he rushed out to help. Then he offered to order some pizza and provided the beer. We hung out and talked for a couple hours. It turned out that he lost his wife and younger daughter in some kind of car crash a couple years ago. Seems okay, but you can tell he's really hurting still. He told me there's nothing more important in life than love. He asked if I was seeing anyone, and I told him I didn't have many friends. Let alone a girlfriend. He told me I needed to try and get out there. And maybe I'm just hearing what I want to hear, but it almost seemed like he was trying to get me to talk to his daughter Amanda. I figured I'd have to fight him if I had the chance to ask her out. Sounds like he might have already given me his blessing? If that's the case, I definitely won't be looking a gift horse in the mouth. Thanks to Darrin's help, I'm pretty much ready to go. So it's time to start this novel thing. Exciting times! November 22 I've gotten so much writing done that I haven't had a chance to write here. I don't know why, but I've found this energy. I've already written a pretty detailed outline of what I want to do, and I've started writing the first chapter. It's pretty exciting to have nothing to do but write. I just have to make sure I'm careful. I used a lot of my savings to buy this house, and I don't have a lot of room to spare financially with no direct source of income. I'll probably get some kind of job after I'm done with the novel while I look for an editor, but for now, I just need to be careful. November 25 Wow, what a night. I can't believe it, but Darrin and Amanda invited me over for Thanksgiving. They knew I was going to spend Thanksgiving alone, and I could tell that they really wanted someone to share their turkey with. And I think I was right about Darrin. He made sure that Amanda and I had some time alone to talk while he cooked the dinner. She and I probably had an hour to talk. She's definitely mature for her age. She's a senior at the local college, and she was really excited to hear that I'm a writer. She's studying psychology, and she says she really struggles with her other classes. I told her I would be happy to help if she had any questions, and I think that might be a way to spend more time with her. She's pretty cool. November 30 I've now been on two dates with Amanda. Well, I'm not sure if they were dates or not. I picked her up and paid both times. I forget how expensive dating can be, and I didn't really incorporate dating into my budget. I've tried to kiss her both times, but it hasn't really worked out. She's really flirty, and I swear she likes me. But when I try and make a move something prevents it. But I know I just need to be persistent and things will work out. I really think she could be the one. December 2 Darrin was hanging some Christmas lights, and he had too many. So he decided to hang some on my house too. It makes my house feel like part of the neighborhood, and I feel like such an adult now. I'm not sure about writing a thrilling crime drama with flashing Christmas lights outside my window, but it's cool. Maybe I'll go down to the coffee shop and write. December 4 Oh my God. I can't believe it. My house. It's been burned down. I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm literally sitting in Darrin's house while he talks to the firefighters. They think it was the Christmas lights. I'm going to have to try and find somewhere to live. My whole life was in that house, and if I hadn't been at the coffee shop writing, I wouldn't even have my laptop. What am I going to do? I poured everything into that house, and now what am I going to do? I can't cry, though. Amanda can't see me cry. She's been so supportive, but I need to be a man. December 5 I'm overwhelmed. Darrin has asked me to stay in his guest room until I get things sorted out with the insurance company. He works for an insurance company, and he's offered to take care of all the arrangements for me. He feels terrible because he thinks it's his fault since the fire department thinks it was the Christmas lights. I told him that it was a freak accident, but he still feels responsible. So he's lent me some of his clothes and a place under his roof. It is weird, though. His "guest room" is just his younger daughter's room. He left it the way it was. I guess he hasn't been able to move on yet. She must have been a girly girl because it's exactly the way you'd expect a high school girl's room to look like. It's pink and frilly with posters of boys all over the place. And stuffed animals on the bed. I'd move things, but I don't want to disrespect him somehow. I can survive some girly things for a little bit until I can get on my feet. I hope Darrin can get me a good settlement with the insurance company, or I don't know what I'll do. Although, really, I need to stop calling him Darrin. We're friends, but I'm living under his room. Maybe I'll start calling him Mr. Morris as a sign of respect for all he's done for me. I think that would be nice. Amanda and I have been hanging out more, but she's still a little hesitant about something. I don't know what it is, but I'm so overwhelmed right now. December 8 Well, this is awkward. How do I even start? I already wrote that Mr. Morris had lent me some clothes, but he didn't really give me a lot. I mean, he gave me a few shirts and a couple pairs of pants. And I'm really grateful. But I don't have any clothes left but the one thing I was wearing when the fire happened. I need socks and underwear and undershirts and casual wear. So I was talking to Amanda about it, and she told me I should save my money and just wear some of Crystal's stuff (Crystal was Amanda's sister). I thought that was a really weird suggestion, but she just meant unisex type stuff. She has some white cotton panties that are a lot like men's briefs. And she has some white shirts that are a lot like my old undershirts. And I can wear her socks and her old running shoes. I asked if she thought it would be weird to wear her sister's clothes, and she almost got offended like I was being disrespectful to her sister. And I just meant that I'm a guy wearing a teenage girl's clothes. But I didn't want to push it. I thought Mr. Morris might be upset, but he smiled when he saw me. He said I reminded him of Chrissie (that must be what he called Crystal). I didn't say anything because he seemed genuinely happy. He was supposed to update me on the insurance situation, but I didn't want to disturb his happy moment. He's given me so much. December 10 Day three of wearing women's underwear, and I don't think it's all that bad. And I'm still crazy about Amanda, so it's definitely not turning me gay. I mean, they're just clothes, right? I did notice that I'm putting on a little bit of flab, so I looked through some of Crystal's old videos and I saw a workout video. It's too cold to go running, and I can't exactly go to the gym wearing Crystal's workout shorts. I was a little embarrassed when I saw that it was Hip Hop Abs, and I was even more embarrassed when I realized that I was dressed more like the female dancers than the male ones. But I tried to focus on what the guys were doing so I get more of a man's workout. On the writing side of things, this trauma has given me such writer's block. I was doing so well, and now I have so much trouble focusing. December 12 Amanda caught me doing Hip Hop Abs today. She sorta giggled when she saw me. She had me pause it, and we worked on it together. I told her about how I was trying to focus on the guys, and I turned red because I didn't mean it in a gay way. But she joked that he was cute and pointed out his six-pack and his nice butt. I was hoping she'd say something nice about me, but she didn't. Maybe she's trying to let me down gently. I hope not. December 13 Well shit. I messed up bad. I asked Amanda if she wanted to get drinks tonight. It was a Friday night, and I thought if I got a couple drinks in her, I could get a better gauge on what she's thinking. And we had a lot of fun, but she didn't get any more flirty with me. We stayed out pretty late, and I was a little tipsy when I drove us home. Well, when we got home, Mr. Morris was upset. He'd tried calling and Amanda didn't answer. And when he smelled the alcohol on my breath, he was furious. I've never seen him so angry. He guilted me a little bit saying that he's done so much for me, and how could I let him down like that. He even called me Chrissie again, and he called himself my father. I think he was so mad that he wasn't thinking straight. He even grounded me for a week in my room. Amanda snuck in my room after the fight and explained that her mom and sister died because of a drunk driver. I must've made him think that I was just like the creep that killed his family. I had no idea, and I know I was being irresponsible. I think it's a bit stupid for me to be grounded - I'm like 25. But I am living under his roof. Amanda said that I've been a great influence on her dad because it feels almost like a full house again. He loved Crystal very much, and she said that it's great that I'm filling that hole in his life. It's a little weird, but I'm happy to be helping him since he's helped me so much. December 14 He wasn't kidding. I spent the whole day in my room. The only time I was allowed to leave my room was for meals. He stared me down even when I went to the kitchen for a snack. He asked what I was doing, and I snapped a little bit and sarcastically called him "Dad." I mean, I don't need him to treat me like I'm a teenager. But after I called him that, he seemed a little nicer. Maybe I can use that to my advantage somehow. December 15 So. Bored. Amanda's out with her friends because she wasn't the one driving. I'm stuck in my room. I can't believe she didn't back me up. I'm still grounded for another five days, and she gets to go have fun? She's a bit manipulative. I don't know what I saw in her. Ever since I've been living here, she's been a bit of a bitch. Acting more like a sister than a friend. I hope she has fun while I waste away in here. December 16 I cracked and just gave in. All of Crystal's movies are stupid chick flicks, but I decided that any movie was better than nothing ("Dad" turned off the cable and internet in my room somehow). The movies are super cheesy and lame, but some of them are actually kinda funny. I watched the first Twilight movie. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I might watch the others tomorrow. We'll see. December 17 Ugh. I can't believe she picks Edward over Jacob. I know he's like the love of her life or whatever, but does she really think Edward is better looking than Jacob? I mean, I'm not gay, but look at Jacob. He looks exactly like the Hip Hop Abs guy, and that's what girls are looking for, right? He's also tanned to Edward's paleness. Gross. But I guess he takes care of her and fights for her, and I guess that could be sexy. I can't believe how into these movies I got, but they're actually pretty good. Now I see why she has that poster of Jacob hanging. It does bring the room a certain artistic merit that I hadn't noticed before. December 18 It's Wednesday, and I'm still bored. Watching movies is fun, but you can't just watch movies all day. So I did something a little crazy. So I've been wearing Crystal's clothes for a while now, and I've been wearing her panties and t-shirts and stuff. But I don't know why, but I looked through the rest of her closet. I watched the Devil Wears Prada, and it started making me think about fashion. And anyway, her clothes are my clothes for now, so why not just kill some times and try on some of her clothes? I started with just a couple of her blouses and stuff, but I ended up trying on a skirt. And then a dress. And I felt sorta stupid, but it was actually kinda fun. It's actually not that hard to walk in heels. I don't know why girls complain about it so much. I'm glad Amanda was at school and "Dad" was at work so I got to play. I even walked over and got myself a nice snack, although I freaked myself when I realized how much noise the heels were making on the wood floor. Oh my God, what if someone saw? I even found some of her makeup and nail polish and stuff. I don't think I'm that bored. December 19 Yeah, I was that bored. I was watching High School Musical, and it was a little boring so I decided to get her nail stuff. I'm awful at it. Especially painting my right hand. Ugh. So sad. I think I could get better with practice. I know this is all weird for a guy my age, but I'm stuck in a teenage girl's room. Amanda came in and apologized for not helping me. I didn't really believe her at first, but she was nice. She did notice the nail polish out, and I was super embarrassed. But she thought it was cute. She said I even picked out Crystal's favorite color. She said that if her dad saw me wearing it, he'd probably be so happy that he'd unground me. So she helped me get my nails painted perfectly, giving me a couple pointers, and I went to talk to him about the insurance. But she was right! He was so happy when he saw that color that he hugged me and apologized. He just didn't like me drinking, and he made me promise I'd stop. So I promised. And then he hugged me. It was weird, but I was glad he was so happy. December 23 It's almost Christmas, and I have nothing to give Amanda or Dad. Yeah, I call him Dad all the time now. It's weird, but it makes him happy. I know he's not my dad, obviously, but he likes it. He said that having me living in the house is a present enough, but I hate that I can't really get them anything. So he said that if I tutor Amanda in her final semester, he'd call it even. That's, like, a great deal. December 26 Christmas was awesome! We sat around watching movies and telling stories. I learned a lot more about Crystal and some of the things she liked to do. I was right. She was a total girly girl. It was really cold, and none of Dad's pants seem to fit. Even my old pants don't fit for some reason. I guess the videos either aren't working or are workign too well. So I wore some of Crystal's tights, but Amanda said they looked stupid with all my leg hair sticking out. So she drew me a nice big bubble bath and told me to shave my legs. And then she braided my hair while I practiced painting my nails. I can't believe my hair got that long, but i guess I haven't cut it in a while. It's weird to do so much girly stuff, but it sorta feels natural. December 29 Okay heels might not be so bad but having to shave your legs is super annoying. It's all itchy and the stubble feels weird. I'm not going to enjoy this. I've been helping Amanda, and we've been getting closer. She's been talking about this guy Eric from her literature class a lot. So I guess she's not interested in me. Oh well. She's still fun and has a pretty great fashion sense. I'm learning a lot from her. And maybe she has some cute friends she can set me up with. January 1 Happy New Year! My New Year's Resolution is to write more. I tried writing the novel again, and I totally sucked. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I just can't write. I just get distracted and end up watching a movie or working or whatever. I also need to totally lose weight. I was dancing, and my chest started flopping around it it, like, hurt. And Mandy was, like, you should wear a sports bra. And I was, like, what? And she said it would stop the bouncing. And I was gonna argue, but I'm already wearing all this girl's stuff. So I decided to put on the bra, and now I'm just like the girls in the video. So I just watch the girls now and do what they do. Because for some reason when I watch the guys, I can't focus. And, like, my penis starts to get hard which looks weird in my yoga pants. Mandy told me to wear bras under my shirts too. And I guess she's right. She's a good sister. January 4 So school year starts soon, and Mandy's really excited. She went and bought some new clothes, and I was sorta jealous. She got some really cute dresses for when it gets warmer. She told me that I can wear Crystal's dresses, but that's still weird. It's bad enought hat I'm wearing her bras and panties. January 7 You are never going to guess what happened. So I was going to go to Mandy's teacher and tell her all about how I was tutoring her or whatever and ask for, like, lesson plans so I can be a better tutor. And Mandy, like, took forever getting ready because "Eric will be there" and we were late. So when we got there, the professor totally yelled at us and told us to sit down. I didn't have a chance to explain that I'm, like, graduated, and not a student there. But he wouldn't even listen and I was stuck there. I'm, like, 23. And he called me "young lady." Now, I know I was wearing all Crystal's clothes. But they were, like, all that fit me. And I was just wearing a cute little jacket with skinny jeans and these little boots with a tiny tiny heel. Yeah, well, I was wearing some makeup. But that's just because I got bored waiting for Princess Mandy to get ready. So now, like, the professor thinks I'm a girl. And Mandy's friends think I'm a girl. So I'm like her sister or something? Totally embarrassing. January 9 No way. I went to talk to the professor, and he wouldn't believe that I'm not a student at the school. He sent me to the registrar, and they said that I was registered as a full-time student as Chrissie Morris. I had a full schedule and everything. So when I got home, I asked Dad about it, and he was like "I told you that you needed to tutor Mandy in her classes" and I guess he meant that it'd be easier if I took all her classes. Lame! I've already done all this! January 14 Classes are so hard! How did I do this before? I'm supposed to be tutoring Mandy, but I'm having a hard time myself. But we're studying together, and that's cool. She's been helping me know which clothes to wear. Everyone at school thinks I'm a girl, so I just play the part of Chrissie so they don't think I'm weird. I guess I can't date any of these girls unless they're lesbians. I would like to be friends with Eric. He's totally cool! He plays for the football team, and he's really fun. Too bad he and Mandy are always hanging out. I'd love to watch some football with him, but he doesn't have a lot of time. January 20 Sorry I haven't written. School is so hard. Like I wish I could take Perry the Bear with me to school because he's my little cuddle monster. So Mandy and Eric and me are in a study group together. And I thought we could be all best friends together but Mandy and Eric are always being so lovey dovey. It's just because she acts like a total slut. If I wore little dresses like she does or super high heels, he'd probably also want to spend time with me. Just because she has bigger boobs than me and can do makeup better than me. It's so unfair! January 25 We all went to a party this weekend, and Mandy said it'd be a great chance to meet new people. I told her I wanted to hang out with her and Eric, and she said that if I dressed up nice, we would. So I put on the outfit she wanted me to wear - this cute little dress with leggings and some of my highest heels. I wasn't sure about it because I hadn't dressed like that in public before. Like I'd worn my girl clothes in public because that's all that fit. But in this dress, you could like see my cleavage. But I wanted to hang out with Eric so I did it. I did my makeup as cute as possible and painted my nails to match. And so we drove there and Eric seemed really cool and I was excited. But as soon as we got to the frat house, they ditched me! So I'm stuck at this frat party with all these weird creeper guys hitting on me. And I guess some of them were all right, but I just wanted to hang out with Mandy and Eric. And they kept offering me drinks, and I couldn't break the promise I made to Daddy or he'd ground me again. So I told them I was under 21. And they were like "wait, you're Mandy's little sister? I thought you were her older sister?" And I was like "No, I'm her younger sister" because Mandy's 21 and I guess I'm now 20. Which is stupid because I'm, like 22. So after all these guys were staring at my tits and my legs and grossing me out, I went to find Mandy and Eric. And when I found them, they were upstairs and she was like totally naked and sucking Eric's dick! I couldn't believe it. I didn't know she was such a slut! I thought we were all friends, and she like used her big boobs to trick him into letting her suck his dick. I couldn't believe how big it was, and he looked so cute there. But I just started crying and ran out of the house. This guy gave me a ride home. He was sweet and gave me his number. He's, like, a freshman though. As if. February 8 I'm so depressed. Now Eric is over all the time and they're always in her room when Daddy isn't around. She's such a slutty whore. I've been padding my bra and wearing shorter skirts to try and get his attention, but she seems to have him completely under her spell. One time, I even "accidentally" walked by in my bra and panties when they were having breakfast. Mandy was so pissed. She said to get my own boyfriend if I was so jealous. And that's so unfair! I just think Eric is cool. Yeah, of course he's super cute and ripped. And yeah I'd love it if he were my boyfriend. But that doesn't make me jealous. February 11 So I'm failing English. I can't believe it. Professor Kramer called me into his office and asked me about it. He told me to take this test, and it was really hard. Daddy showed up afterwards, and he talked to the professor a long time. And then Daddy came in and told me that I couldn't be in that class anymore. That I'd done so bad on the test that they were putting me in freshman classes. I was, like, that's stupid I have a master's degree or something, and I was crying and ruining my makeup. But he told them that he'd spent a lot of money on classes, and I felt really bad and he told me that he told them that I was really just 18 and it'd been a mistake to put me in those classes. So now the school thinks I'm an 18 year old girl and I'm in all freshman classes. I'm so embarrassed! February 12 Kill me now. It's almost Valentine's Day, and now I'm a freshman girl. All of Mandy's friends make fun of me for pretending to be a senior this whole time, and even Eric laughed at me. I could die. February 13 Mandy might have Eric, but at least I have a date for Valentine's Day. Joshua is in one of my classes, and he was so happy to see me. He's the boy that drove me home from the party, and he totally asked me out. I wasn't even dressed cute. Just jeans and some stiletto boots. I'm gonna make Mandy so jealous tomorrow night! February 14 I wanted to write a little bit before Joshua picks me up. I'm dressed just like Mandy tonight - like a little slut. I'm wearing this tiny little red dress with my sluttiest lingerie and tallest heels. When Eric sees me, he's going to forget all about Mandy. Boys like younger girls anyway. I've been practicing my makeup and walking in heels, and I can be a little slut too. February 15 Daddy had to go away to a conference so we had the house to ourselves. So after our dates, we all came home. Mandy and Eric cuddled, so I cuddled with Joshua. He's pretty strong too - Eric and Joshua know each other from football. I wished it was Eric holding me, but it was nice to be held by Joshua too. I tried to show a lot of leg and boob for Eric, but he was too focused on the movie. Some stupid action film. I thought we should watch Valentine's Day because, duh, it's Valentine's Day. But so I just tried to get Joshua hard. It was fun to see his dick grow. But when the movie ended, Mandy basically dragged Eric to her room. And so I let Joshua take me into my room. And a few minutes later, I could hear Mandy totally faking it to make me jealous. So I started making out with Joshua. I think I caught him by surprise, but I ripped off his clothes and started sucking his dick. He said I was doing a great job. And I actually liked it a lot more than I thought I would. I felt bad because I was thinking of Eric the whole time. Joshua is super sweet and actually has a really good body. But Eric is the man for me. After I was done, I went to go wash up, and Mandy was just buck naked in the kitchen. She told me that she and Eric went all the way. What a slut. And she's not that hot, anyway. I don't know what Eric sees in her. She just has bigger boobs than me because she's older than me. If I was 21 like her, I'd have big boobs too. So I took off my dress and walked back into my room in my underwear. And I think Eric was checking me out as I walked by. So that's just what I need. Bigger boobs! February 17 I've been on the internet all the time trying to figure out how to get my boobs to grow. Some girls say their boobs get bigger when they're on birth control. So I started taking Mandy's birth control. Hopefully it starts working. February 19 Grow boobs, grow! Mandy wants us all to go to Cancun for Spring Break. Me, Eric, her and Joshua. Joshua is my boyfriend now. He said he bragged to the team about how well I suck dick. I'm getting better because I get to practice all the time. He's a decent boyfriend and takes me on dates. And I'm a good girl and do my duty. But I still love Eric. And if I can show him how big my boobs are by Spring Break, I'll totally win him over. February 27 Things aren't going fast enough! I started taking twice as many pills as before. I hope this works. Daddy gave me some money to buy some new bikinis for the trip, but I can't fit into the one I want. I would give anything for my boobs to get bigger. March 3 I'm almost a C cup! Maybe my wish is coming true! March 9 Joshua wants to have sex. I told him I'm not ready. I hate that I have this stupid penis. I wish I was a real girl. March 13 I talked to Daddy about getting a boob job. He said no. I told him I wanted to be a real girl, and he said I was his real girl. But I told him that I could be his real little Chrissie. He said he'd think about it. I felt bad about being manipulative, but he knows I love him. March 21 We leave tomorrow, and I guess my boobs are as big as they're going to be. Joshua has been playing with them a lot, and he says I look amazing. I've been working out nonstop and crash dieting. I think I look hotter than Mandy does. Hopefully it makes up for my smaller boobs. March 28 Viva Mexico! I had such a great time! I got this wicked tan, and I strutted my stuff for all the hot guys on the beach. I swear I was the hottest girl there. And I made out with Eric! It worked! He said I looked so much hotter than I did earlier in the semester, and I told him I was doing it all for him! And he kissed me! I was so happy that I was basically a sex goddess with him. I tore off his clothes and took out his awesome dick. And I blew him as well as I could, and I could tell he loved it. It was way better than with Joshua. And after I swallowed his cum, he was so happy and I just melted in his arms. And he told me I sucked dick better than Mandy. I was so devilishly happy that I blew him again. Take that, Mandy! I out-slutted you! And when he was done, he said "you may suck dick better than your sister, but can you fuck better than her?" And I was nervous. I didn't think he'd want to have sex with me so soon. What was I going to do? So I just ran away. I didn't know what to do or say. Should I have let him fuck me in the ass? Or would he have seen my dick? I don't know. I'm such a confused girl. I wish mom were alive so I could talk to her about this. April 2 I talked to Daddy. I told him I had to have my surgery. He said he had thought about it, and he had a deal to make with me. He said he'd talked to the college, and I was flunking my freshman classes. I told them they were, like, so hard. And I couldn't understand them. And he told them that he admitted to the school that I was only 17. And that he'd lied to get me into school. That didn't sound right, but I guess it makes sense. I don't feel like I'm 18. So he said that he'd agree to let me get my girl surgery but he'd have to legally adopt me as his daughter Crystal. Because I'm only 17, I can't legally agree to have the surgery - my legal guardian has to do it. And I'd have to go back to high school next year. I thought about it for one second. I wanted my vagina, and I wanted him to be my daddy forever. I wanted to be his Chrissie.