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Helbelinc By Sylvia Wechsel Chapter 1 - The Monk My name was Helbelinc and I used to be a monk. This was not my Baptism name, I adopted it after I was accepted as Postulant in my Monastery. This name means "half penny" in our language, or, more or less, "insignificant" or "useless". This was not due to self-depreciation, in fact I considered myself a worthy Monk, participated both in the religious services and in the hard work of the monastery with good will. I was still in the early steps of the monastic life, but with the time I could even become the prior, that is, if fate didn't interrupt my carrier. No, my adopted name was a sad reference to what my father thought of me. I was born as the youngest son of a rich landlord, who was himself no prince, duke or even baron, but a single knight. His possessions were located, however, in the border of the imperium. This made him essential for the defense of the territorium and, by consequence, incredibly rich. My mother died as a consequence of complications during my birth, and I believe this is why he was always cold hearted towards me. I was shy during all my childhood and with the time, the desire to dedicate my life to God grew. When I communicated this desire to him, he just laughed, said I was "worthless" and that, since my three other brothers were all big heroic warriors, I wouldn't be missed in the task of giving him grandsons (this was his biggest desire, to have a grandson who would carry his name after his death). So, he gave me permission and even some "dowry" to donate to the monastery, as if I were a bride. In his "honor," I adopted my new name. I moved to the monastery. The money was meant as an insult to me, but in fact, helped the community a lot. My (new) brothers received me with open arms and, after the prescribed times I was accepted in the ranks of the postulants and then, to the rank of the monks. I spent 12 years inside the walls of the monastery, leaving the premises only to help the community in the small village that formed close to the monastery. In spite of the insult, I loved my father and my brothers, so I was sad when I heard that only my father and the primogenitus survived a terrible pest which attacked the country (even in the monastery and in the local village, many people died, I was free from the pest just by the grace of God). My two brothers died without the opportunity of finding a wife. My other brother grew strong and married, so I thought that my father's obsession would soon be fulfilled. I believed in this until that fateful day. I was called to the prior's cell and found him entertaining a conversation with Strobel, who was a fief to my father. His news were no good ones. My older brother died in a battle, and this happened before he had the possibility to impregnate his wife. According to what I heard about him, this was really a very difficult task. It seemed that he spent most of the time in wars, and not with his wife. My father sent Strobel with orders for me to abandon my monastic life, and to return home, to marry and give him his so beloved descendents. I refused and said I was happy with the monastic life, had no wish to abandon my celibacy vows and that my father, on his side, should abandon the vanity and pride and nominate him, Strobel, as his heir. I knew the old man had a great number of sons and daughters and, in spite of the fact that I didn't like him, I had to agree that he had always been loyal to my family. The old man didn't like my answer, said that my father would think he invented all this and demanded I should travel home an tell this myself to my father. First I didn't want to go, but then the prior argued that a brief trip home would not be harmful. My home was not that close to the monastery, a two day trip was necessary, but in less than a week I could be back. I had the feeling, however, that the true reason was that the prior feared my father would raid the monastery if I didn't go. One of the duties of a monk is the obedience, so I accepted. We departed the next morning. I wore conventional garments, meaning pants, since I wanted to ride a horse. It was better to be able to flee fast in case I found trouble with my father and it is quite uncomfortable, if not impossible, to gallop with a horse wearing a monks habit. We traveled all the way through the forest in the first day, and found a Inn located at a road crossing just before the night fell. It was no good idea traveling at night in a forest, bandits or wild beasts could attack us, so we decided to spend the night there. It was a small wooden two story building owned by an old lady. She spoke our language with strong foreign accent. There was also a beautiful young lady, who, I assumed, was her daughter. It seemed she only spoke a different language, I couldn't recognize. I assumed our path brought us inside the territory of the neighboring kingdom, which was half barbarian. It was a strange land, which had been converted to Christianity only a century ago, or so. In fact, I saw many signs in the walls which indicated some degree of paganism was still in use at that house. I didn't felt threatened, however, it was commonplace to find pagan symbols within the peasants, even in my country, and this meant, in most of cases, more a sign of superstition then a true believe in the old deities. I was not that kind of zealot. The girl was beautiful. Just as a mental exercise I imagined what would be like to make love to her. Of course I never practiced sex before, but I knew the basic theory behind the activity and could construct a mental picture. I felt strange. My option to celibacy had been peaceful, I was never plagued by the desires, as some of my brother monks did. Of course I had my fare of hard penis events at the morning and even succumbed to night pollution once or twice, but never felt the need to sleep with girls (or with boys, as some of my brothers, unfortunately did). This time I could feel that my penis had hardened under that thought. My resolution was still intact, though. I would not fall into temptation. I decided to do some constriction act before I went to sleep that night to admonish myself for that weakness. We had our dinner and prepared to sleep, we were tired of the journey. The rooms were simple, but mine had a simple bed covered by a feather mattress. The room was even heated, since the fireplace chimney ran at the corner of the room. I came to my knees before the bed, did my night prayer and then I went to sleep, covering myself with the thick whool blanket which was available. That was a horrendous luxury, compared with the conditions I found in the monastery, but I felt justified, thinking about the hard discussion I would have with my father the next day. If only I knew. Chapter 2 - Surprise! Next morning, as I woke up, I felt strange. I was not in the room I went to sleep in the night before, It was still dark, but I recognized the triangular shape of the roof above me. I was not sleeping in a bed, but in a simple straw mattress. I was in the attic. This was not, however, the only strange thing I felt. I slid my hands in my face, missing the inevitable facial hair, that should be grown during the night. My face felt soft. I continued probing my skin, first of my neck, then I slipped my hand across my chest, and, surprised, found out that I had breasts. I reached my groin with my hand and confirmed what I already suspected: I had no penis anymore. In the place I felt the characteristic relief of, what I believe, was a female cunt. I was naked and had my hair (which was long) tied in what seemed to be a long braid. I heard the sound of a lock being unlocked, and then light appeared in the room, coming from a hand carrying a candle which appeared in the floor, coming from a hatch. A woman came out of the hatch and I recognized it was the old woman. After her a male figure came out of the hatch and, as the candle light hit his face, I had a surprise. It was me, or at least, it was my body. They came to my direction, by then I stood up and asked, "What happened? What did you do to me?" I recognized the voice of the girl from the tavern, I could not know yet, but I was talking in that strange language, and not my own. The man, who was me, said something, which I could not understand. Later I learned he was, as me, when I was in my body, using my own language which I, now, didn't understand. I could understand, however, that it was a harsh tone, uncharacteristic of me. The old lady translated to me, "He said, lay down and spread your legs". "What?" I could not believe what they wanted me to do, but before I could even think, he raised his hand and slapped my right cheek so hard that I fell to the ground. I probed the damaged area with my hand and felt something sticky, with my tongue I felt the unmistakable taste of blood. I couldn't believe he was so strong. The old lady said, "Don't resist, he will only hurt you more" I realized that, if necessary, he would beat me to unconsciousness in order to get what he wanted, so, disgusted I laid with my back over the mattress and opened my legs. He was already undressing and when he was ready, I recognized his hard penis under the candle light. I couldn't be sure, but it seemed to me that my own dick had never been so big. He knelt before my legs and approached that penis, from my vagina. As I felt his flesh touching that area I turned my head to the side and started crying. He pushed and entered me. I felt an intense pain, It was like being ripped apart right in the middle of the body. He began his to-and-fro movement and I could only feel more pain, as if sand had been rubbed against my insides. After a time which seemed like an eternity to me, he ejaculated inside me. Then he left and went out of the room through the hatch. I remained crying over the mattress and the old lady said, "Here, let me put this into you." And produced a cylindrical form with a rounded tip which seemed to be made of wood. She inserted that thing in my vagina and, after that she took out of a bag a kind of triangular towel she placed under my butt, she folded two tips of the triangle around my waist and then the third tip around my groin, holding everything tight, so that the wooden thing would not be expelled from my body. It was horrible. I could feel the presence of that thing inside me all the time, since the cylinder was even larger and and had a bigger diameter than his (mine) penis. Then she helped me to my feet and asked, "Did you feel pleasure?" "No!!!" I answered. I was totally disgusted by that assumption I would feel pleasure during a rape and, I'm sure my face expressed all that disgust. The old lady simply slapped my left cheek and said, angry, "Stupid girl, if you feel pleasure, you will get pregnant easier, make sure next time you reach an orgasm." At least she was not as strong as the man who was in my body, so I was not as hurt as in the previous spanking. She left the room through the hatch, locking the door behind her. After she left I sat on the mattress again and started crying. That last phrase of the lady proved that I would be raped many more times, maybe until I got pregnant, or, who knows, forever. I considered which sort of witchcraft or demonic power was in work here. I had my body swapped, maybe the girl's soul was in my body now, just as mine occupied her body, or perhaps, someone else was occupying my body. I remembered the pagan signs at the wall and this showed to me that the old lady was the witch. I had no idea what happened to Strobel, he could be dead, or, maybe, most probably, be a part of this conspiracy. After all, he was the one who brought me to this inn. They wished to impregnate me, this meant I would be raped over and over again, until they found out I was successfully pregnant, and this could take months. One of my duties in the monastery was to give counsel to the families of the local village, so I knew all too well the dynamic of a young family after marriage, trying to get their first child. I spent the whole day inside that attic and probed everything. With the time my eyes got used to the darkness and I could see around. There was nothing to use as a weapon, but at least I discovered the chamber pot and two ceramic vases which contained water, one large and one smaller. I assumed the smaller one was drink water and the larger one was for cleaning purposes, as we used to do in the monastery. Around midday, as I guessed, the hatch opened again and the old lady came out of it with a dish and a cup. I was in famine, so I ate everything very quickly. After that she removed "my diaper" and the cylinder and I felt relieved again. I noticed the cylinder was covered by a mixture of blood and a yellowish slime. I considered whether I was hurt in my insides, but concluded that the most probable explanation for that blood was that I had been a virgin before the rape. Of course, no explanation was needed for the slime. It was clear to me what was the purpose of the cylinder: to keep most of his semen inside me, avoiding any leakage. I felt strongly humiliated, I was being used as a breeding stock. She went out and locked the door behind her. Later that night the hatch opened again, and this time, the man who had my body came first. I already knew what he wanted, I laid myself on the mattress and opened my legs. Again he undressed and approached his penis from me. I looked to the side again and closed my eyes, trying not to cry again. I would not give them this pleasure too. It hurt, but not as much as in the first time. As he was ready, the old woman introduced the cylinder and wrapped the diaper around my body, and said that after dinner, which she brought with her, I could go to sleep. Chapter 3 - Routine Next day a routine started. The old lady came at the morning, removed the diaper and the cylinder. Ordered me to clean myself, what I did using a piece of cloth and the water from the large pot. I had breakfast and she went out, bringing with her the dish from the previous dinner. She locked the hatch's door, behind her. Around midday she brought the meal, which I ate, and she left me again. Around diner time the man came and raped me, after that the old woman inserted the cylinder in me and wrapped the diaper. Once, two or three days after my transformation, she, exasperated, told me I should touch myself before he came for sex. I had no idea what was she talking about, then she took my hand and made me rub the small button of flesh on the top of my cunt. It was a nice feeling, and I felt my insides filling with some kind of fluid. Then she made me rub my nipples. I got goosebumps and the nipples stretched out of the aureola, becoming erect. Again I felt pleasure under that touch, and this meant more fluids forming in my insides. Maybe she was worried for my suffering, or perhaps she believed this way I would reach an orgasm during the rape. I decided to try it that evening and, indeed, his penetration was more swift, and it really did hurt less, I could even feel some pleasure, but no orgasm. The shame, however, increased. I was assisting in my own rape. This routine continued, until one day, when she removed the cylinder, it came covered in blood again. It was my period. She looked disappointed. Obviously I was not pregnant yet. Surprisingly, they allowed me to rest during the time I was bleeding and even two days after. They probably didn't want to "waste" semen, when I was obviously not fertile. Reflecting about this I realized they were doing this not as a form of torture, but simply as a job. Particularly he was not doing this out of pleasure, otherwise he would rape me regardless of my fertility state. After this break, they resumed the routine. By then I was totally bored during the day. The room was large, but there is a limit about what one can clean everyday. During one of our time together, I told this to the old lady. As a monk I knew how to sew my own clothes, but she decided it was time to teach me some other sewing techniques, and she started with embroidering. This way I spent most of the day sewing things, waiting for the evening, when I would be raped again. I lost track of time. One day, when she removed the cylinder at the morning, she said, "This is your third day of delay, we must wait a while, but it is possible that you are already pregnant." I felt a mixture of satisfaction and embarrassment. Satisfaction because this meant that my torture maybe would soon come to an end, but embarrassment because their plan, apparently was going to succeed. After a few more days, they decided my period would not come, and this meant I was, indeed, pregnant. After the last day of rape, I heard someone departing from the inn, ridding a horse early in the morning. Later the old woman told me the man occupying my body was the one who departed and that he was not meant to return soon. I would not be raped again and would not need to use the cylinder either. At least this was a relief. Chapter 4 - Deception That same day the old woman gave me a thick wool dress to cover my naked body and as she went out of the hatch, I didn't hear the locking sound. I tried and, indeed the hatch's door was unlocked. For the first time in more than a month I was free to leave that attic and I did it. I found the old woman in the kitchen in the ground level. She confirmed to me I was free to walk in all rooms and even outside, in the yard, but she warned me that if I tried to escape I would be chased like an animal, and would be brought back in chains and be locked forever in that attic. This was unnecessary. I did loose track of time, but guessed we were already in the second week of October. It had been cold, but it was a miracle that no snow was observed until that date. It would soon become very cold and what would a young, pregnant girl do alone in a forest during a snow storm? Anyway, where to would I flee? Back to the monastery? This was no answer, nobody would believe me, even if they could understand what I was talking. No, I would stay, even without her menaces. She showed me one of the good things of going outside. I followed her through a trail in the forest and after some five minutes of walk we reached a creek. She asked me to probe the water with my hand, and surprised, I discovered that it was warm. I followed her and we reached a spring, which formed a small pool, from which the creek flew. The water there was coming out of the rocks and was very warm, almost hot. That was a hot spring. I heard about that previously, but never had the opportunity to visit one. It was curious that there was one so close to the monastery, since no one heard about that before. She undressed and entered the water, calling me to do the same. The pool was not that large, but there was place for two people and the water reached our waists. She asked me to sit with my back towards her, and she started dismantling the braid. A warm bath was a luxury I never had before in my life. I finally relaxed and allowed myself to enjoy that. For the first time I saw my new body in daylight. It was not sunny, the weather was cloudy and, it seemed to me that the unusual lack of snow would soon end. There was enough light, however, to admire how white was my skin and how my well formed breasts were. I began washing myself. One thing was to try to get clean with a piece of moisten cloth, the other is to take a proper bath. As the old woman finished her job, I realized I have very long hairs. I guessed if I stood up it would reach a length below my waist. She started combing my hair with a bone comb and began to undo the numerous knots that formed in my hair during the long time it had been tied. It did hurt like hell. She washed it and tied in a loose knot, so that it would not get on our way back to the inn. When she was finished, we exchanged position and it was my time to help her. She had shorter hair than me, but I was inexperienced, so I took almost the same time to comb her hair. After we returned to the inn, she said I should seat in front of the fireplace to allow my hair to dry, and when this was ready, she redid the braid. Each week we spent some time at that spring, as long as the weather allowed. The old woman gave me a new room, a guest room in the ground level, she didn't want me climbing stairs everyday (immediately I realized this was for the sake of my pregnancy and not because she was caring for myself). My guess about the weather was confirmed two days later when it started to snow. The outside temperature sank, but we had a good assortment of wood for the fireplace , as well as food for the winter. We remained most of time inside the house and no one visited us. The old lady decided to teach me how to sew more clothes and we both started working on material for the baby that I was carrying inside me. In the beginning, except of the lack of period, I could not perceive any change in my body due to the pregnancy, I first noticed something the day I told that the old woman. She smiled and said I was not aware, but my breasts were fuller, my hips were widening and then she asked me to raise the hemline of my dress and she showed me a small protrusion below my belly button, saying that was my uterus, which was growing due to the baby that was inside. I was divided, that pregnancy was the result of an incredible violence, but at the same time, it was a wonder. After that day I watched that protrusion growing almost on a daily basis. The life with the old woman was, mostly, friendly. There was no point holding grudges and we needed to work together, to survive that hard winter in the woods. With the time I confirmed that the body in which I am today belonged to her daughter and that it was she the one that was occupying my old body, but every time I asked why they did that to me, she shut up and the conversation was over. With the time I gave up asking. During the coldest days and nights we remained together in front of the fireplace. When the weather allowed we went outside, mostly to clean the path from snow, sometimes, when snowing gave a break, we went to the hot spring. I guess we got up to half meter snow during the peak snowstorm. Once it was even necessary to climb to the roof, to clean it from the excess snow, which was putting additional weight to the whole structure. In spite of her old age, the old woman went alone, saying it was too risky for me. Again, I understood she was afraid for my child and not especially interested in my well being. One day, after spring started, some six months after I had been transformed into girl, I woke up hearing sound of voices coming from the kitchen. It was the old woman and a male voice, which I, somehow, recognized. As I approached, I learned my father was the one who was talking. I entered the room and say, in my new language, "Father, it is me, your son, they put me in this body." It was a desperate act, I could not say this in my old language and I believed my father wouldn't understand. I hoped, however, that seeing desperation in my eyes would be enough to spark his curiosity. To my surprise, however, he calmly turned towards me and said, in my present language, "I know who you are, who do you thing gave the order to do this?" I was in state of shock, first, because I had no idea that my father spoke the neighboring kingdom's language, and second because of the information that he was the mastermind behind all that happened to me. I could only articulate, "Why?" "You were such a disappointment to me as a male, I decided to see if you would be more useful as female," was his answer. "But you will let them put me back in my own body after I gave birth, isn't that true?" I asked, almost loosing hope, and his next answer shattered it completely, "Why should I do this? Your substitute has proven to be a better son to me than everything you and your brothers did". He continued, "He already won two battles, proving to be a superior warrior, and contrary to the stupid of your older brother, he returns home, when the battles are over." I was furious and completely lost. I just said (it was no question, it was affirmation), "You never loved me." "Of course I loved you, otherwise I would let them kill you after the baby is born!" He continued, "I give you a chance and a choice." "If you prove yourself worthy, delivering to me a grandson as your first born" And he pointed at my belly, which, by that time was already evident, and continued, "In this case I will allow you to return home, as my new son's wife" "We will say you are some foreign princess, and your duty will be to fill that house with children." Then, meaning him and the old woman, he added, "Since we arranged things in such a way you will never learn our own language again, there is no danger that you tell anyone what happened to you, not that anyone would believe, anyway." I was furious with him, but also quite humiliated, then he completed, "If you prove yourself worthless as you were, delivering me a granddaughter instead of a grandson, I will not allow you to return to the house, but I will allow that you remain in the neighboring village and become his concubine." "We will take your first child to raise, of course, but you will be allowed to remain with the others, you see, I won't be scared anymore as you and your brothers did to me, I am encouraging him to hold concubines and lovers in the village, to produce a lot of bastards too, for safety sake." He was in a monologue, there was not a thing I could say to that, then he gave the fatal blow, "The choice I offer you is simple, either you chose this, or you may remain here, and work as the old woman's whore." I was furious and could not hear anything more, I could not even stand his sight anymore. I ran out the Inn until the forest and then, when I was very far away, I prostrated myself in the ground and started crying. I was crying not only out of rage, but also out of fear. The fates my father prepared to me were all horrendous. If it were not such a great sin, I would consider even suicide as a better option. The choice he gave me was to spend the life as the woman of the man who raped me for more than a month, or, as a road crossing whore, which would be used by every single male that visited the Inn. Worse than that, as it was typical from his hubris, he assume I had some control over the gender of the baby I was carrying. During my time in the monastery I learned that all the divination methods about the gender of a baby inside a mother's belly are completely nonsense. I would know my child's gender just after the birth, as anyone else and this, if I chose the first option, would be the difference between living in richness or in poverty. I was prepare to accept poverty as a monk, but not as a mother of many children. As I was, in the forest ground, I did something I had least done in my last night as male, I prayed. I prayed to God for guidance, for protection, even for revenge against the ones who did that to me. I stayed there, praying, recovering all the prayers I learned when I was a monk, and only late afternoon I returned to the Inn. My father had already departed, at least I would be spared seeing him again. During the next days I remained afraid, almost desperate, thinking about what the future would bring to me. I stayed in this state, until the day I remembered the history of Christ's crucifixion, in particular the moment in Gethsemane in which He, in full despair, said to His father "Be done as You wish, and not as I wish," just before being arrested. I decided to do the same prayer and asked our Lord to do to me as he wished. Suddenly a strange calm took me over. All the training in the monastery came back to my mind and, being a victim of demons and witches, or not, I, for sure, knew my Father in heaven would not abandon me. After my epiphany I calmed my mind. The weather also collaborated. The coldness of winter gave place to the milder climate of spring. My belly continued to grow and, sometimes, I felt the baby moving and kicking inside me. New guests came with spring, all of them male, and all of them looking at my with hungry eyes. They left me in peace due to my pregnant state, but it was evident what would be my future if I decided to stay with the old lady. Without the pressure of the fears, I was free to appreciate the wonders of being pregnant and this almost compensated what I went through. Then the time came in which I would deliver. I entered in labor. I believe I never felt so much pain in my entire life, but, finally it was over. Chapter 4 - Fate I contemplate the dress, extended on the bed in front of me. I t is a delicate piece of silk, with fine embroidery, this would be really worth of a princess. I feel awkward thinking about these things, but I must convince myself that this is my future. At least my father would allow me to return home in good style. I undress my simple wool dress for the last time and put that dress on. My breasts are a little too thigh, but this is surely due to the accumulated milk. Next I put the boots on. These are also finely decorated. When I feel ready I leave the room for the last time, not looking back. The old lady (strange, I never cared to ask what was her true name) handed me my son, I look at him and he smiles back. He is almost three months old already. There was, as usual, a war, which prevented my father to send someone to retrieve me sooner. As I expected, due to my confidence in God, I won a baby boy. It was not too much difficult to decide what I would do next. From all choices I chose the least horrible and decided I would return to my home, to be the wife of the man who raped me, and who was now occupying my old body. I hoped that the violence I suffered was only business, this way we could develop some friendly relationship. One thing I will try to do is to shut down this history with the concubines in the village. As I turn to leave, my eyes meet the old woman's eyes one last time. She seemed to want to say goodbye, but I quickly deviated my sight. I left that house for the last time and entered the carriage which would bring me to my new life. THE END