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My Wonderful Obsession Part 45: Career Girl The next morning, Julia and I were too busy to talk much as we packed our bags and got ourselves all made up for the flight home. It was Jeff's day off and he'd offered to drive us to the airport, an offer we couldn't very well refuse. I had a very emotional parting with Rob, judging by all my tears as we embraced and kissed one last time. He promised to stop in Cincinnati on his way to the east coast in May, which sounded like an eternity away; I promised to email him every day and he said he'd call as often as he could. "Let me know how the new job goes," he said, as I climbed into the car. We blew kisses to each other as Jeff steered out of the parking lot. Julia rode in the front seat - I guess she didn't want Jeff to suspect anything was different between them - and we all kept up a steady conversation, which helped the miles go by quickly. The parting scene was repeated - more or less - at the curb at the Denver airport. Except no tears from Julia, even though she knew they wouldn't be seeing each other again. I don't think I could have been like that! Whatever - I hugged him as well, saying thanks for being so nice to us, and for the ride, and he said no problem, my pleasure, that sort of thing. And then he drove away. My friend seemed distant and we hardly said a word to each other as we got checked in and went through security, then took the underground tram to our concourse. It was still a long way to our gate, but oddly Julia said "Let's just walk," rather than use the moving walkways. I was starting to worry she had huge regrets about the previous night, and it would mess up our friendship all over again. But when we ducked into the ladies' room she had a grin on her face. "So I've decided I like traveling with you, Sandy." Now THAT was unexpected. "Really? How come?" "Didn't you notice all the guys checking us out? They must think we're pretty hot!" That made me giggle out loud. So THAT's why she wanted to walk - so we'd max out the ogling from all the males. I barely noticed, I was so used to it by then. "Well I don't know about me, but you're sure pretty hot!" "Oh, give me a break, miss modesty! They're only looking 'cause you're with me." "Julia, I hate to have to remind you, but you're not the same girl you were in ninth grade. You ARE hot stuff now. So you better get used to it." She just kept grinning. But the conversation seemed to break some ice. At the gate we found some seats away from the crowd and launched into a big deconstruction of all that had taken place that incredible week. We chatted about the skiing, the new friends we'd met, the night spots we'd haunted, the food and drink, the singing, the dancing, the shopping, and of course the boys we'd been intimate with! But we totally skirted around what had taken place between the two of us the night before, like we were trying to pretend it never happened. Now, we DID talk about sex - mostly comparing notes about our experiences with those two hunky ski instructors. Julia seemed overly interested in what I did with Rob, what he was like in bed, and how it compared with having sex as a guy. THAT made for some interesting discussions. But I also pumped her for more details on her romps in bed with Jeff. We were still talking earnestly when we boarded and took our seats - Julia at the window and me in the middle. But when a man in a suit parked next to us in the aisle seat we couldn't very well keep discussing sex or much else that was private, so we buried our faces in the magazines we'd brought (hers was Elle and mine was Vogue). After the safety demo he plugged his headphones into the plane's entertainment system and we were able to resume our X-rated chatter - but at a low volume! Partway through the flight, after the drink service came by, Julia abruptly stopped talking and her face took on a disturbed look. My first thought was 'What'd I say?' "Crap," she whispered. "I think I'm getting my period." Now if I were her, I might feel relieved, after hearing all about her sexual adventures with Jeff. "Are you sure? I thought when you were on the pill you didn't have a period." "I still do, but not all the time? I can go, like, two or three months and then bam - I get one." "So what's the big deal?" I asked, slightly mystified. "I don't have any tampons." That made me giggle out loud. "Here, I have some," I said, reaching for my purse and handing her two. "These should get you home." Julia's jaw dropped and she looked at me like I'd just hit a home run for the Reds - with one hand tied behind my back! "Sandy, like, are you for real? Why do you ..." "Have tampons? For situations like this, that's why. My friend Erica? She told me I should always have some in my purse." She just grinned and shook her head, then kissed me on the cheek. "You are SO amazing. Maybe you ARE better than a boyfriend." And she unbuckled and hurried off to the restroom. When Julia sat back down her mood had changed - I wondered if, like me, she did her best thinking on the toilet. She checked our seatmate to make sure he was plugged back in, then leaned closer to me and spoke in a low voice. "You know ... I do feel kinda stupid about last night." "It's okay ... like, you did have a few drinks in you." "What - you didn't?" "Uh, no ... so I guess I don't have an excuse, do I?" She laughed nervously. "Guess not. Anyway, it was me - I started it." "And I was totally happy to go along with it. Julia, like, it was totally mutual." "But I told you, I'm not a les ..." "I'm not either? But it doesn't matter! It's different for us, right? Like, we were boyfriend and girlfriend ..." "Uh, Sandy ... you're not much like a boyfriend anymore." "Well, whatever ... the last thing we should do is feel guilty about it, like we're pervs or something? I hear girls do that kinda stuff all the time." "I don't feel like a perv. It's just that I never thought I'd ever do that? It's not really me - at least I didn't think so. I like guys ... I like sex, you know, the normal way?" "Well I like guys too ... obviously. But maybe there's enough guy left in me that I still like girls ... well, I mean I like YOU ..." She shook her head. "I guess I like you too, or I would never have done that." Then she looked me in the eye. "Do you think I'm, like, bisexual?" Now it was my turn to laugh. "Funny, that's what I was thinking I was. 'Cause I really loved it." She turned away toward the window for a minute and sipped her drink. "I loved it too. Umm ... I wasn't THAT drunk, you know." "Whatever." We didn't say anything for a few more minutes, and then she reverted to the previous subject. "So did you ever, like, come with Rob?" "With Rob? Uh, no ... I only ever came with you." "I did too. That was so crazy ..." "But like, you did with Jeff, too, right?" "Yeah ... but it wasn't, you know - as hot? Oh crap, this is really hard. It was ... like when we used to do it? You got me, like ... so aroused? It was never like that with the other guys." "Maybe they just didn't take the time." "Or maybe they didn't give a shit about me, I dunno. Like, I could always tell you cared about me?" "I always did and I still do. And I meant it last night when I said, you know ..." "Say it again." "I'll always love you." She smiled and put her hand on my arm. "Hmm ... it's kinda crazy, isn't it?" "Yeah, it sure is. Just like that song." We sat staring at the overhead panel for a minute or so. Then Julia pulled out her Elle magazine again, and began absent-mindedly browsing the fashion pages and ads. When she realized I was looking over her shoulder she held it so I could see better. The mag was way out of date - from the fall! She must've picked it out of the trash somewhere, I thought with a smirk. I had my own subscriptions to Cosmo and Vogue by then, so I could keep up on the very latest clothing styles and beauty trends. 'Whatever,' I thought with a smile, 'it's fun to see what they thought we'd be wearing this winter.' About halfway through I was surprised to see a stunning red-haired girl modeling my new white sweater dress - the same one, same brand, but not the same price - it said fifteen hundred in the article, although she made it look ten times the price. Wow - I really DID get a deal! I nudged Julia and pointed at the dress. "Looks way better on you," she said matter-of-factly. "You got nicer shoulders too." I gave her hand an appreciative squeeze. "You can borrow it any time." "Thanks - I just might." What a gorgeous dress, I thought. I'd almost forgotten it was an off- the-shoulder style - perfect if you have a guy who likes nuzzling your bare skin, and a good excuse NOT to go easy on the perfume. The only downer - I'd need a chilly evening to try out the theory, or I'd be waiting till next winter. What if it was out of style by then, I fretted. After the wheels touched down it was Julia's turn to nudge me. "Okay Sandy, we gotta get our stories straight," she decreed. I knew what she was getting at. "Yeah - like, we never had a thing to drink, right?" "Drink? Like, how could we - we're underage!" "So true," I giggled, "and we had to, like, fight off all those sex- starved boys on the ski hill ..." She shook her head. "Uh-uh - there weren't any. And if there were, not one of them'd be the slightest bit interested. They'd probably bark at us ..." I laughed and gave her a wry look. "As if your mom or anyone else would believe that!" Julia giggled loudly, catching the attention of the man seated next to me. I noticed he didn't have his earphones on anymore. "Okay, so we're totally hot babes," she said too loudly. "But we were on our best behavior, weren't we?" "Always. We're SO obedient." "And so innocent," she laughed. Now the man was definitely looking at us - or maybe out the window, who knows. I decided I didn't care - if he thought he was sitting with a couple of sexy party girls, that was cool with me. Mrs. Taylor was waiting at the baggage carousel to meet us. We both got big hugs and the expected questions about how the trip went, like did we go out with any boys or do any drinking, and then comments about how tanned our faces looked, and expressions of relief that we hadn't broken any bones. "You both look tired," she observed. "Didn't you get enough sleep?" My friend and I looked at each other. "Uh-huh," Julia fibbed. "We're just pooped from all the fresh air." Her mom didn't press us any further on that, thankfully, although Julia was so good at pulling the wool over her parents' eyes that it wouldn't have mattered anyway. On the drive home Julia and her mom discussed strategy for their upcoming catering event, the annual church ladies' retreat, which was commencing the very next evening. Mrs. Taylor said they were short- staffed again, at which point Julia turned and winked at me. "Sandy's available," she said. I wasn't about to disagree. "If you can use me I'd be happy to come, Mrs. Taylor." "You could? Oh, that would be marvelous. It'd be so nice to have you back again - you were always such a good worker." "And so well dressed, too," Julia kidded. "Oh, that reminds me," I said, "my black skirt doesn't fit me anymore ..." "Mom, what Sandy's trying to say is she's got a skinny waist and a big butt now. But never fear - Julia to the rescue! She can borrow one of mine again. It'll be so much fun - just like the old times!" "Don't remind me," said Mrs. Taylor, shaking her head. "I'm sure it wasn't much fun for Sandy, either." I just shrugged. Actually, in retrospect it was the most fun I ever had - up to that point in my life. ***** There was a ton of email waiting for me! Aside from some disgusting SPAM's, like how to make my penis twice as long (oh, where do I sign up for that!) there were messages from Erica (who wanted me to call when I got back), Chelsea (saying how much they missed me at Milestones), and Rob (who wrote the same three words in both the subject line and the message space: 'I love you'). There was also an email from Sharon Stevens, who said she was coming to Cincinnati to visit her brother and his family, and would love to get together if I was free. I replied immediately and invited her to come to my house for dinner, thinking it was a good way to pay her back for feeding Mark and me at their cabin back in the summer of ninety-eight. When Mom got home we hugged each other like long-lost sisters and she sat me down to hear everything that had happened in the Rockies. I told her almost everything, including the fun evenings and the dates (asking her not to breathe a word to Mrs. Taylor) but leaving out the drinking and the sex (as if you're surprised!). I did mention, though, that Rob and I had become very serious - and we'd expressed our love for each other. Mom surprised me by asking "Is he going to propose?" and I replied that I expected him to. She thought for a minute, and then told me I needed to be completely honest with him - it was only right. "But Mom," I objected, "what man is going to marry a girl who used to be a boy? I don't wanna take any chances. I'll tell him sometime, like maybe a year or two after the wedding? Then I can just concentrate on being the perfect wife, you know? I know he'll forgive me, 'cause he'll know how much he'd be losing. He's not stupid ..." "I don't think he is either, honey. But he still deserves to know exactly what he's getting into with you." I just shrugged - she wasn't likely to see things my way, I thought. Besides, who knew Rob better than me? And anyway, she wasn't marrying him, I was. ***** It was like d?j? vu at the church ladies retreat - well, almost. I DID find myself dressed exactly the same as I was that very first time, at age fourteen, when Julia tricked me into pulling a skirt up over my skinny legs in that very same ladies' restroom to pretend I was a girl, so I'd be able to work the event for the Taylors. But that's where the similarities ended. This time, four long years later, I was no longer pretending, and wearing girls' clothes was something I did every day. I'd look totally weird in boys' clothes! As I checked my hair and makeup in that same mirror, I felt like a pro at presenting myself as a female. And everything about me now felt completely authentic. I wore real women's underwear, not boys' boxers like then, and my body had cooperated to fill it out with generous feminine curves. AND genuine breasts, which necessitated the size 36B bra that seemed barely restrained by my snug-fitting white shirt. What a change from my skinny frame and board-flat chest back then! My sex- change operation the previous fall was almost like a footnote to my present physical appearance. Kath was still working as many of the Taylors' gigs as she could fit into her study schedule, and she'd become a key member of their team. You could tell by her no-nonsense, take-charge, let's get-'er-done attitude - so different from my own compliant, servant-like approach to those I worked with. But I guess that's why I didn't mind her bossing me around. And of the four or five other regular helpers I worked with years earlier, only the youngest, Rachel, was still with the Taylors. She greeted me with squeals of delight and a nice big girl-hug when we met again. Other than that, it was all so familiar! It was great to renew acquaintances with my older lady friends. As I'd hoped, they were all happy to see me again, and they said I looked so different, so all- grown-up. Evelyn confided that she thought I was so awkward and boyish the first time I served them, and now I seemed so poised and feminine. And she commented on my longer hair: "Oh, it suits you so much better, dear." Another lady said she'd seen me perform in 'Kiss Me Kate' the year before, and "The funniest thing happened," she chuckled. "The lady I was sitting next to pointed at you and said, 'Did you know - that's really a boy?' and I said, 'Oh, really, you think so? Well I know her, her name's Alexandra and she's much too pretty to be a boy!' Can you imagine - she thought YOU were a BOY!" The whole table roared with polite laughter, and I tried my best to avoid turning five shades of red, by playing it cool. "Well, I couldn't very well be a boy," I declared, smiling demurely while I refilled water glasses. "Why not, dear?" A smart aleck might reply, 'Cause I don't have a dick,' but not me - I was a nice girl. "Boys aren't allowed to serve here, ma'am," I said with a straight face. The ladies laughed aloud once again, and I figured that was the end of that. It was definitely getting easier to wiggle out of dicey situations, I thought. And if worse came to worst, I could always offer proof. Just as well it never came to THAT - after all, this WAS a church! Speaking of things religious, there were the usual prayers and speeches, and I found myself eagerly awaiting the Saturday afternoon keynote, where I'd learned lots of great marriage and family pointers in previous years. This year, however, the topic hit a bit closer to home. It was directed at younger women in the college and career phase of their lives - before marriage. Julia, Kath and I stole many glances during the talk! As you might expect, the speaker delved into the minefield that life is for a twenty-ish female, which is to say, her relationships - especially with guys. Which basically boils down to one word: SEX. And being a Christian women's group, it was all about how we mess up our lives and our relationship with God by allowing ourselves to get too intimate with guys before marriage, and how to avoid going there in the first place. To say it made me think about my own life would be a huge understatement! Yes, I DID feel convicted - like, I'd already done so many of the things that were so wrong, according to the lady speaking. And my best friends had done those things, too. But there was at least one big sin I hadn't committed - shacking up with my boyfriend. The woman described how it's the perfect setup for a guy - he gets all the perks, meaning someone to cook and clean and do his laundry, not to mention all the sex he could ever want, and you get no commitments and maybe even a bun in the oven, which because there's no commitment often means you end up a single mom with few prospects for career or marriage and your kid never has a father and you carry all this guilt around with you for the rest of your life. It all sounded perfectly awful to me, even if the baby part wasn't about to happen. At some point in the talk I resolved to never let a guy talk me into 'living in sin' - it would be marriage or nothing! But as for the rest - my sex life - I told myself that genie was out of the bottle already, and it didn't seem to be messing my life up too badly, and hey, I didn't have much of a relationship with God in the first place. Besides, I rationalized, it didn't feel like what I was doing with him was so wrong, and since sex was my main strategy for hooking Rob, the worst you could say was, it was a necessary evil. "What did you think about all that stuff?" I asked Kath while we were cleaning up after the event ended. She just laughed and shook her head. "We'll talk about it some other time." ***** Speaking of Kath, I had to do some major sucking up after spending a whole week with Julia in the Rockies. "So much for being your best friend," she'd snickered sarcastically at the ladies' retreat, even though she didn't ski and couldn't take the time off anyhow. So for my first act of penance I offered to treat her to lunch and a movie the next day. She chose 'Erin Brockovich,' which had just hit the theaters. Now I'd heard it wasn't much of a chick flick, unless your idea of romance was a crass, pushy, rough-around-the-edges woman with a trailer- park boyfriend. Not mine, that's for sure. But it starred my all-time fave actress, Julia Roberts, from my all-time fave film, 'Pretty Woman,' so I was all for seeing the movie. Mom dropped us off at my favorite caf? near the theater complex, and over lunch we caught up on work, family, college and of course boyfriend matters. Then I filled her in on my ski vacation, omitting only the encounters with Julia. But she did hear all about the ones with Rob! "Wow, you sure are diving right in there, aren't you?" she declared, shaking her head. "Well I can't let you have ALL the fun! But he's the sweetest guy, really. It feels right, you know?" She laughed. "Yeah, I know what you mean. It feels right with Ben, too." "Do you think he'll propose sometime?" Kath looked at me strangely. "Sandy, are you serious? Like, I'm not even nineteen yet. And he just turned twenty. We're in no hurry to get married. But we're talking about moving in together ..." "You're gonna shack up? After everything you heard yesterday?" Now she was looking at me like I had a huge wart on the end of my nose. "Yeah, and why not? I'm not religious and neither is he. We've talked about it and we both think it'd be smart to live together for a while and then decide if we wanna bother tying the knot. But all marriage is, is like a little piece of paper. Why d'you need that if you love each other?" I couldn't believe we'd heard the same speech and each of us had a totally different reaction. Kath, I decided, was being her usual utopian self, rejecting what she saw as tradition for the sake of tradition and not much else. But I was a new woman wanting everything life as a woman could offer me, traditions and all, and the talk affirmed that the level of commitment in real marriage was the only thing I could accept - so I'd never settle for shacking up with a guy. "Well I think Rob's going to propose when he comes here next month. And I'm gonna say yes. I think I'll make the perfect wife for him." "Good for you, but I don't know why you're in such a rush ..." "I'm not in a rush," I fibbed. "It's just that I might never find another guy like him. Like, he really loves me." Kath didn't look convinced, and that made me a bit annoyed. Then she shrugged. "Okay, have it your way. But you need to tell him about you- know-what." I was hoping she wouldn't say that. "I will. I just can't tell him right now ..." "When were you thinking of telling him - when he starts wondering why you're not getting pregnant, why you never have a period?" "Maybe. But I wanna wait till after the wedding, like maybe a year or so." "I always wondered if you were insane. Now I know! Sandy, you HAVE to tell him - BEFORE the wedding. He'll never forgive you if you don't." "I'm worried he won't forgive me if I DO." "Well that's a chance you have to take. You HAVE to be honest with men, Sandy." I was about to remind her that Ben still didn't know about her abortion, but decided against it. She just can't understand where I'm coming from, I told myself. I paid the check and we hustled over to the theater just in time to get decent seats. I thought the movie was pretty good, but afterwards Kath said she thought it was fantastic. She loved the whole theme of this ordinary, everyday person, who has this deep-down sense of social justice, taking on a huge corporation that's deliberately ruining people's lives - and winning, because she's totally in the right. I agreed, and said I loved how she used her common sense and her sexuality to run circles around all the experts and lawyers who thought she was just some bimbo in a short skirt who liked showing off her boobs. Kath countered that it didn't matter whether she was male or female or what she looked like - the point was, she represented the little guy, the underdog, fighting for a just cause against huge odds. I said sure, but I and all the other females in the theater could relate to this person BECAUSE she was a female ... like, she was a poster-girl for female 'empowerment.' (I wished Julia had been there, so she could hear me use that word - she'd have been so proud!) Anyway, it was good to spend some time with Kath even if we didn't always see eye-to-eye on everything. She was still my bestest female friend ever. Phil and Natalie got back from Florida that evening. Mom and I picked them up at the airport, and I barely recognized my sister-in-law, she was so tanned. Having helped her buy her new bikini, I could easily imagine how little of her lithe body would have been shielded from the sun! She and I sat in the back seat and chatted all the way back to their apartment, about their sun and sand vacation and my snow and ski holiday. Then I told her about Rob, and how I expected him to propose really soon. To my surprise, Natalie didn't look thrilled. "Sandra - you have to tell him," she said with a serious look on her face. 'Oh my God,' I thought. 'This is getting ridiculous! Why doesn't anybody get it? I just can't afford to lose that guy.' ***** What to do with a whole week off before starting a new job? Well, you know me - sleeping in was never my thing, but shopping ... now, that's something that was NEVER a waste of time. Even if my credit card was maxed out, it was still a ton of fun to make myself all nice and pretty and go to the mall and just browse, imagining myself in all those fabulous summer dresses, cocktail dresses, casual dresses, skirt-and- blouse combos ... and even wedding dresses, since I was sure I'd be engaged really soon. And I could browse the makeup counters, and the jewelry stores, and the lingerie shops - all the male-unfriendly places, because I totally looked like their target customer! I can't begin to tell you just how amazing it was - and still is - to know that all those women's fashions and that jewelry and makeup and lingerie would look good on my new body. And maybe, if something really grabbed me, I'd be able to try it on! Happily, spring came early to Cincinnati that year. It was unseasonably warm - about seventy-five, and the tulips were already blooming in the neighborhood gardens as I strolled to the bus stop in a new bright yellow sundress I'd bought on sale just before I got assaulted late the previous summer. The bright sunshine made that horrible experience seem like it took place in a different lifetime, and I was in an upbeat mood. There were a few other women on the bus, and they acknowledged me with a friendly smile and a quick glance at my dress. I've always felt so gratified to be able to share in this kind of special connection women have with each other - how they seem to support and uplift each other even when they're perfect strangers. And they, I mean WE, all love clothes! At the mall I just took my time, since I had lots to spare, and tried to enjoy myself to the fullest. It was cool to just browse by myself, I decided - no one else saying I don't like the prices here, you're such a shopaholic, can we hurry up, and all that kind of stuff. Not that I didn't love shopping with girls like Natalie. But it was nice to be alone for once. Well, not entirely alone. There were lots of other women in the mall, many dressed for spring like me, and some pushing baby strollers. And, as with the ones on the bus, when our eyes met we gave each other friendly smiles, and we checked out each other's outfits. I noticed the moms with kids were generally dressed in slacks or even sweat pants, and they wore tops more suited to drooling babies than the pages of Vogue. But the women without kids got to be real fashion queens and princesses, with perfect hair and makeup and designer purses. How fun! As I paused to admire a pretty summer dress in a store window, in the reflection I noticed a blonde girl approach, pushing a stroller with two babies side-by-side. I turned and glanced in her direction; she was attractive, but dressed much like the other moms in the mall, and I gave her a smile before turning my attention back to the display. Then I did a double-take - oh my God, it was Pam! I glanced at the babies - oh my God - Mark's kids! I don't think Pam recognized me at first. But without thinking I spoke her name, and she stopped in her tracks. Then her eyes widened. "Sandy," she said, her voice showing no emotion. "Uh-huh," was my reply. Then I collected my wits a little. "These are your ..." "OUR twins," she said, making sure she emphasized her husband's role. "Emma and Ethan." "They're so beautiful," I said, trying to sound sincere. I mean, they really were! Not that I was a great judge of baby beauty, but these two kids looked perfect to me. I crouched down for a closer look. Their tiny faces and hands were SO unbelievably cute! "Hi Emma ... Hi Ethan," I said in my most childlike voice. I thought they both made eye contact with me when I said their names! But I couldn't tell which one was the girl and which was the boy. "They're two months old." "I know. They were born January twenty-second, right?" "Yes. I didn't know you'd been paying that much attention." 'Oooh,' I thought - 'she's SUCH a bitch. What does she think I am, a stalker?' Then I calmed myself down. "Uh, not really - I just have a good memory for dates, that's all." "Hmm. Well, we must be going. We're having a party for Daddy tonight and we have some things to pick up." "Oh yeah, today's his birthday." I can't believe it'd slipped my mind, but Pam didn't look pleased that I knew that date as well. "Uh, like, do you need to use the restroom or anything? I could watch the kids ..." I thought I was trying to be a friend, silly me. "No thanks, I can manage." And she strode off without even saying goodbye. 'What a piece of work,' I thought as I watched them leave. A wry smile crossed my lips when I noticed her waist and butt looked a lot wider than before she gave birth, a problem I'd never have. Whatever - it was amazing to see Mark's twins, even if I had to put up with their irritating mother, and I convinced myself they looked like him and NOT her. But the chance meeting left me feeling a lot less cheery. It reminded me, as if I needed reminding, that Pam had not only won the battle and married the guy I should have married, she also got to bear his children, a privilege I'd never have - with anyone. Sorry ... I meant to say she won the whole war! But I could still come out okay, I thought as my attention returned to the dress in the window - all I had to do was become Rob Hewitt's wife. Shopping is the best medicine for the blues, I mused as I entered the store. I'd decided to try on the display dress, but when the salesgirl told me they didn't have it in my size, I glanced around and spotted a chic taupe-colored working girl outfit on a mannequin. Now I'd already bought a navy-blue skirt suit for my interview but, I reasoned, I couldn't very well wear the same thing on my first day of work, could I? Besides, if I bought this set I'd be able to mix and match. The salesgirl went to right work helping me with blouse and jewelry options, and a short time later she was ringing up my purchases. There was a moment of panic when I handed over my credit card - would it go over my limit and get declined? But it went through and I told her thank-you for all her help, and off I went feeling much happier. ***** Having Sharon Stevens at our house for dinner was going to be like a mini-reunion with a favorite aunt! It was just us three girls, so Mom and I cleaned house, bought fresh flowers for the kitchen and dining room, and chose nice spring dresses and put our hair up for the occasion. "A lady is coming," Mom stated, as though that was all the explanation needed. "Works for me!" I replied enthusiastically. Then we decorated the dining room table with Mom's prettiest table cloth, napkin rings, and fresh lilies. Everything looked just right ... as long as you weren't a man! When she arrived, Sharon gave me a big long hug. "You look amazing!" she exclaimed, standing back to look me over head to toe. "You've really matured, Sandra. And I love that dress!" "Yours is pretty too," I replied. SO great to be with women who liked dressing like women, I thought, while Mom and Sharon renewed acquaintances. Mom served us a cheese tray in the living room and we got all caught up on what was happening in each other's lives. I wisely elected to keep my love affair with Rob (and my marriage hopes) out of the conversation, but I did describe the ski vacation, and I told her about my new job too. Sharon was so considerate of Mom, making sure she was never excluded from the conversation, and asking about her upbringing in the Philippines, and how she coped with life in a strange new country with no other friends or family. Mom seemed flattered by the interest our guest was showing in her background. She was also delighted by Sharon's compliments. "You have such a beautiful home, Isabel," she said. "I love all the little feminine touches." Mom was beaming. "Well, it's just us two ladies now. So we get to keep it the way we like it. Sandra is a huge help around the house - she does all the laundry and dusting and vacuuming, and the bathrooms ... I'm so glad I have a daughter who doesn't mind housework." Now it was ME who was doing the beaming. "Well, I learned from the best! Oh, excuse me while I check the oven." I went to the kitchen to see how much time was left before our main dish was ready. I could still hear the conversation in the living room. Sharon was speaking. "I absolutely adore your daughter, Isabel. She's one of the loveliest young ladies I've ever met. Now I see where she gets her manners - and her looks." I knew Mom would be tickled, like she always was when someone gave her and especially her kids compliments. "Thank you, Sharon. You're very kind." Sharon continued, "There's something so unique about her - I wish I could put my finger on it." 'Oh my God," I thought, 'that woman has such amazing intuition. SO scary!' "Yes, she IS different from other girls," Mom said, a bit too helpfully. I came back at that point, and Sharon asked me if I'd been doing any singing and acting lately. I said no, not since 'Kiss Me Kate,' and she said how much she loved seeing me perform, that I had talent and how I should keep at it and maybe come to Knoxville some time to perform in one of her shows. I said I love to if I could. Soon we were seated in the dining room and the wonderful female banter continued. I realized again how much I loved being a female too, so I could take part in conversations like that. It was quite a bit different and a lot more gratifying when not everyone present knew my background. For instance, Sharon would ask me or Mom a question about what I was like when I was a little girl, and did she ever buy me pretty dresses for birthday parties, and how did I react when I got my first period. Mom's answers made me think she was a better actress than me! At one point she pulled out the pictures of me in the frilly dress on my third birthday and Sharon's face lit up. "Oh Sandra ... SO cute!" she gushed. I was thankful I'd remembered to edit the last two letters of the penciled-in 'Alexander' on the back of one of them. And the compliments kept flowing like water. Sharon said Mom and I looked so much alike we could pass for sisters, and she noted that we have the same sense of style. I told her that Mom's my role model in all things female, and I considered her the best mother in the whole world. "What a nice thing to say!" she exclaimed, and then, to Mom: "You've obviously raised her very well." By then Mom was nearly speechless! "That's what the best moms do," Sharon went on. "They model what it is to be a real woman. Sandra, I know you'll be a great mom too, because you've been blessed with a wonderful mother yourself." I almost spit out my food when she said that. Me? A mother? As if! But Mom picked up the ball and ran with it. "Yes, in the Philippine culture motherhood is very honorable, so we do our best to teach our daughters by example," she explained. "I always felt Sandra would make a wonderful mother," Wow - now that was bizarre, but good! I wondered if she was learning the art of BS from MY example! But didn't Phil always say I'd make someone a good wife? That impossible prediction seemed about to come true, so who could say Mom wasn't as accurate with hers? Sharon was smiling broadly at me. "Yes, she will. And she'll have such beautiful children, I just know it. I always wanted kids myself, but I couldn't conceive. Bob and I decided against adoption - we just didn't feel that God was leading us in that direction? So instead I became involved with girls Sandra's age at my church. Girls in the college-and- career phase of their lives." "That's really cool," I said, happy to talk about Sharon's life instead of mine. "It's such a crazy time for girls my age, isn't it? Like, so many temptations with advertising, and there's all that relationship stuff, like with other girls and boyfriends, and eating issues, and body image ..." How convenient that I'd just heard a speech on the very topic! "Yes, Sandra, you're SO right. Young adulthood is very hard for most girls - overwhelming is the word I'd use. They need someone they can trust - someone who isn't their parent - who can speak into their lives and encourage them to make good choices. Not being a mother myself, makes it easier for them to open up to me." "That is SO cool," I said sincerely. Maybe that's something I could do, I thought. I certainly loved being with girls, like Megan for instance. "How wonderful they have someone like you who's willing to spend the time and take an interest in them," Mom said admiringly. "Well, I have a special place in my heart for girls Sandra's age," she responded. "I was there myself not so long ago, so I know what they're going through? But I feel an extra-strong connection with your daughter ... I can sense that she's going through a lot of changes in her life, like I was at her age. Outwardly she seems to be coping quite well, but on the inside there's some ... insecurity, some self-doubt? I'm not sure ... but it's almost like she doesn't feel like she belongs, like it's a big surprise to her that she is who she is ... oh, I hope I'm not offending you, Isabel. Or you, Sandra." Mom and I automatically shook our heads. "No, it's okay, Sharon," Mom said. "What you're saying is fascinating." I would have used the word 'frightening.' "Well, Sandra IS a fascinating girl," Sharon went on, looking at me this time. "She has this amazing sensitivity, or maybe it's a vulnerability? She's so modest and unassuming for such a beautiful girl. I've never met another young woman like her. Anyway, she's very precious and I love her dearly." 'Wow,' I thought, 'Sharon really DOES have major intuition. Pretty scary - but I liked being called 'precious,' and there's nothing like being loved. Mom didn't seem to know what to say in reply to all that, so Sharon wisely shifted the subject away from me again - but not to a less- uncomfortable one, sadly. She asked if I ever saw Mark, how he was doing, and what was he up to. I bit my lip and replied that he was married with 2-month-old twins, after having a little 'accident' with his new, I mean old, girlfriend. She expressed huge regret, saying she'd thought the world of Mark, and we made such a perfect couple, and she was so sure we'd become husband and wife, and what could ever have possessed him to leave a girl like me for an old flame, and how shocked she was that he got her pregnant. "I guess I'm a better judge of girls than I am of boys," she shrugged, a sad look on her face. Now it was ME who didn't know what to say. I knew exactly what possessed Mark to take up with Pam again - it was my own stupidity. But neither Mom nor I were about to enlighten her. Whatever - her intuition was right-on-the-nose when it came to Mark, and me, but it definitely missed by a mile when it came to the two of us getting married. Not to mention the beautiful children I was supposed to have! Or at least that's what I figured at the time ... When we were all finished coffee and dessert, I rose and began clearing the table, but Mom stopped me and said she'd look after cleaning up - "You can entertain our guest in the living room," she ordered. Sharon seemed pleased to have me to herself for a few minutes, and she used the opportunity to counsel me about keeping myself 'pure' for marriage, even if it wouldn't be to Mark. She knew I was vulnerable after the breakup and I might fill the vacuum with too-intimate relationships with other guys, especially the wrong guys. "You don't want a man who wants you for your vagina. Good men want a woman with virtue," she said. "Girls with virtue have great value. When we give a boy that 'green light,' we give away some of that value, and we get nothing in return." "Like, we cheapen ourselves," I concurred, thinking that ship had sailed that very month. "Yes. And we always regret it. Regret is a terrible thing to have to carry around for the rest of our lives." Interesting how she said 'we' and not 'you,' I thought. It was more like sharing than lecturing. "Like guilt, right?" "Yes, but I think regret can be much worse. It's like when you do the most embarrassing thing of your life, and you think 'Oh, if I could only turn back the clock.' But a hundred times worse than that." Well, I wasn't exactly regretting some of the things I'd done, at least not yet, but what Sharon said definitely made me feel guilty about them. "And when you do meet that one special man," she continued, "and you know he's the one you'll give yourself to completely, the one you'll spend the rest of your life with, can you imagine how hard it would be to share your past with him? But you'd have to, because there can't be any secrets between you and the man you're going to marry." Now THAT struck a chord, and I felt very convicted by Sharon's words. And for the first time it occurred to me that I might have to be upfront with Rob. But I quickly put the notion out of my mind so it wouldn't bring on panic attack; I'd deal with it later. Mom soon joined us again, but Sharon said it was getting late and she should be getting back to her brother's place. I got a huge long hug again, and she repeated how much she loved me, and I told her the same. Then she stated she's been praying for me and Mark every day, just like she said back in ninety-eight. 'That's so crazy,' I thought, but I was floored just the same. 'This woman really DOES care for me,' I mused. I felt incredibly special and blessed - even if I HAD cheapened myself already. Before she left, Sharon gave Mom a hug and repeated her compliments about our home, and then thanked us for the wonderful evening and the delicious dinner, and for making her feel so welcome. A few days later we'd receive a little thank-you card in the mail. Sharon might have thought she was counselling me on things like men and sex and virtue, but her visit was also a lesson in the value of first- class hospitality. And it made me realize that compliments you receive by being a good hostess and keeping a nice home can be every bit as welcome and appreciated as the ones about your personal appearance. ***** Then came the big day - the start of my new job, and, I hoped, the beginning of a real career! I was up extra-early to give myself enough time to shower, do my hair and makeup, choose jewelry (I could never decide the night before!) and get dressed in my new taupe skirt and jacket with a royal blue blouse. Good thing - it took me forever before deciding I was presentable enough. Mom was nice enough to drive me downtown so I'd be on time for my nine- AM meetup with the office manager. She dropped me off at the curb in front of the tall, glass-covered building and I stepped through the revolving door and into the huge atrium where the clacking sound of my high heels echoed off the smooth marble walls. In the elevator I touched the button for the twenty-fourth floor, and realized my heart was pounding! There was a slim, twentyish red-haired girl behind the reception counter, and she acknowledged me with a smile. She was speaking on the phone in a lovely, soft, high-pitched feminine voice that made me instantly jealous. "Alexandra?" she inquired warmly when she hung up. "Hi, I'm Annalise. It's so nice to meet you." She rose from her chair and extended her hand. I thought I detected a slight accent - European, I guessed. "Nice to meet you too," I replied, thinking how I boyish my voice must sound compared to hers. "I love your name - it's so pretty." Annalise smiled broadly at the compliment. She was tall - at least five- ten, and her fingers were long and thin like the rest of her. Nice long nails, too. And she wore the classiest one-piece three-quarter-sleeve pale blue dress - it fit her very snugly, making her seem even taller and thinner. Her face wasn't all that striking - nice enough, I thought, but unlike the smooth contours of my oval face hers was kind of bony and narrow. But I loved her hair - it had that close waviness that looks so stylish and sophisticated with your hair put up like hers was - unlike my straight locks that were so hard to control without using a million bobby pins. 'Oh my God,' I thought - 'why am I always comparing myself to other girls?' "Thank you! I like yours too. I'll let Leah know you're here." She punched some buttons on a complicated-looking phone set. While she was waiting for an answer, I stepped back and took a look around the upscale reception area. There was some amazing modern art, which I'm sure cost a lot of money, and the furnishings were very clean and contemporary. But no windows - those were reserved for the big shots, I supposed. A thirtyish woman dressed a lot like me came to the reception desk, took a glance at me, and handed a manila envelope to Annalise. I began to worry if my skirt-and-jacket set was too presumptuous for this job - like, would they think I was trying to look like an attorney instead of an assistant? "Alexandra's here, Ms. Sandborn." Annalise said. She replaced the handset and looked at me. "She'll be right out, Alexandra." "Uh, you can call me Sandra if you want? Or just Sandy." She smiled at me. "Oh, but your real name is so beautiful. It suits you well, I think." How nice of her to say that! And her name and her looks and her voice suit her too, I thought. Even her accent, which I couldn't pin down. "Uh, can I ask where you're from, Annalise?" "Amsterdam," she replied, still smiling. "We moved here when I was fifteen. I'm sorry about my Dutch accent ..." "Oh no, I absolutely love it! It sounds so ... so cosmopolitan!" That made her smile even more. Just then Leah Sandborn appeared. "Hello, Alexandra," she greeted me, her eyes noticeably scanning me from head to toe. "Why don't you come back to my office." I followed her down the corridor past the big window offices on one side, each with a distinguished-looking man or woman seated at a big desk, and the smaller windowless offices on the other. Leah's was one of those. "Would you like a coffee, or tea, or ..." "Oh, I'm fine, Ma'am," I replied. It didn't feel right having my new boss serve me, instead of the other way around. She just nodded and then spent the next half-hour or so describing my role in the firm - how important it was that the clients have a superb first impression when they arrived, and what I was expected to do for them to make them feel valued and welcomed, like getting them settled into meeting rooms, taking their coats, and fetching coffee, tea or water, and then notifying the person they were there to see. Sometimes I'd have them sign documents and make copies. I'd also be spelling Annalise off on the reception desk, like when she was in the ladies' room, at lunch, off sick or on vacation, answering the phone and doing a whole host of clerical duties 'as assigned,' according to the job description Leah handed me. With my service-industry background, I felt confident I could handle my main function well, but for my backup duties, it might take some time to learn the ropes. The main thing was, she explained, I needed to behave and look like a professional at all times because to a great extent I would be the 'face' of the firm. This meant dressing nicely for an office environment (and she told me I'd receive a monthly clothing and grooming allowance - yippee!) - no pants, only skirts or dresses of an appropriate length worn with pantyhose, no flats or sandals, just close-toed dress shoes with two-to-three-inch heels (although this rule would be relaxed in the summer and I'd be allowed to forgo the pantyhose and wear dressy sandals with a heel, as long as my feet were kept immaculately groomed), and my hair would have to always be neat, tidy and stylish, with a minimum of showy accessories. She advised me to stick with studs or small pendants or hoops instead of dangly earrings (like the ones I had on!), and my makeup should be "elegant and understated." As for my nails, she asked that I avoid bright colors like hot pink (guilty again!) or red, and never edgy shades like the purple or dark blue that many young women seemed to be going for. "You're not working in a cocktail lounge," she said, as if I needed reminding! Then Leah went over the conditions and perks of the job, like office hours, lunch (like, I couldn't be gone at the same time as Annalise), vacation allowance and how I was to be paid. I figured I'd be earning a bit less than I was at Milestones when you count the tips there, but with the clothing allowance I'd end up keeping more of what I earned. Cool! She also described how I should relate to the lawyers in the practice. I was to always address a partner as 'Mr.' or 'Ms.', or in one instance 'Mrs.,' but I could play it by ear with the associates. Some, she said, would prefer to be addressed the same way, while others were okay with first names. Annalise would give me guidance, she said. Then her voice took on a more serious tone. "Alexandra, there's one more thing. We have a very strict policy about seeing our clients outside of the office environment. We want you to be warm and friendly with them here, but you must keep your relationship with them on a strictly professional level. This means absolutely no socializing or dating! You should avoid any situation where you might come into contact with a client outside of this office. Do you understand?" "Yes, I understand," I nodded. Wow, I thought - who knew it could be that big a deal? So much for meeting a future husband at work. But, I mused, she never said anything about dating other staff. Maybe, if things went off the rails with Rob, there might be a handsome up-and- coming lawyer here who's looking for love. I could end up with my very own Edward! Then Leah asked me if I had any other questions, and when I said no, she stood and extended her hand. "Welcome to Atkinson, Gregory and McMillan," she smiled, and we shook hands. I felt on top of the world as she took me around the office and introduced me to everyone. We began with the partners. I was petrified, but they stood and greeted me cordially with a handshake. And I almost had a panic attack when I saw Mr. Atkinson, whose Keystone condo Julia and I had stayed in only two weeks earlier (of course I said nothing about that!). But when we entered Edward's office he rose and came right over to take my hand. "I'm happy you decided to join the firm," he said with a smile and a wink. "I'm looking forward to having you around." I thanked Edward for his kind words and we made a bit more small talk before letting him get back to work. As we left his office, Leah said in a low voice, "Mr. McMillan seems to like you a lot. He was very insistent that I offer you this position." "Really? That was very nice of him. I like him a lot too." "How does he know you?" "I'm a friend of his wife," I replied. She nodded, as though to say 'Now I get it.' "I've met her - she's quite the lady." "Yes, she is - she's pretty amazing. I like them both a lot." "The feeling seems to be mutual." The way she said that made me wonder if I'd said too much. It almost sounded like Leah had some kind of suspicion about Erica and Edward - and maybe me, too. That scary woman's intuition again! So I resolved to tread very discreetly around this topic. After we visited all the firm's associate attorneys in the single offices, we made our way through the cubicle area and I was introduced to the secretaries, whom Leah called legal assistants, and three paralegals: Deborah, Laurie and Suzanne. They looked like they were in their late twenties or early thirties, and polite enough, but like many of the women I met that morning, seemed kind of stand-offish towards me. Or maybe, I thought, I was still on edge from my previous chat with Leah. There was no such response from any of the males I met - they all gave me big smiles, and they made me feel so welcome I wouldn't have been surprised if they got down on one knee and kissed my hand! Finally we came to an empty cubicle, and Leah said this was where I'd be working from. That was a pleasant surprise - I never expected to have my very own office, even if it was just a small cube. But it had a computer, a phone, and lots of desk space. I'd noticed how the other girls had personalized their cubes with pictures of family, husbands, boyfriends, kids and even pets, as well as calendars and knick-knacks that had some meaning to them. My first decoration, I decided, would be an eight-by-ten of Rob, from a picture I'd snapped of his handsome face while we rode a chairlift at Keystone. Then it was on with the big challenge of settling in and learning my new job. For the remainder of that day I hung out with Annalise at the reception desk and made tons of notes about everything I was supposed to do. She was the best teacher! SO patient with me, and so helpful - and I couldn't get enough of that lovely voice of hers. It actually sent tingles down my spine when she spoke! And her naturally feminine gestures - the delicate way her arms and hands moved, even when she was just brushing a stray hair from her face or pointing at something on the computer screen - I was totally enthralled and determined to emulate them as much as my male chromosomes would allow. Sometimes I had trouble keeping my attention focused on what I was supposed to be learning instead of my teacher! Even though Annalise came across at first as shy and reserved, in reality she had this wicked sense of humor, sort of like Kath in that respect - but the similarities ended there. She was exactly the kind of girl I strove to be: soft-spoken and modest, but confident and assertive at the same time. And like I said, her body language and mannerisms were SO totally feminine! She seemed so comfortable in her own skin, and she carried herself like a model. And such great taste in clothes! Now, I mused, if I could only emulate that delightful voice, if not the Dutch accent. A funny thought occurred to me: if I was still a guy, this is a girl I'd love to date and take to bed! Needless to say, Annalise and I hit it off instantly and I knew we'd be great friends in no time. She was SO calm and reassuring! I mentioned that I found the partners a bit intimidating, but she said oh, they're just regular people and you just treat them with the same respect you treat everyone with. And when I told her how the other girls I'd met seemed suspicious of me, she said not to worry, they were probably just jealous of my looks. I laughed, "My looks?" and she smiled and nodded, "Oh, Alexandra, you are so beautiful! I am jealous too!" I just laughed again and told her she was very sweet, but inside I was absolutely beaming 'cause I always craved compliments on my looks, but especially from such an honest-to-goodness girl as Annalise. By the end of my first day I was answering the phone and transferring calls like a pro, and I'd learned a lot about both my new job and Annalise's job. I'd even greeted and looked after a number of clients. It was all a bit daunting but when I got home I couldn't wait to tell Mom how wonderful it all was. ***** On my second day, Erica showed up and took me out for a quick bite of lunch. She said she wanted to know everything about my ski trip, but first she wanted to discuss my new job, and asked how I was getting along with everything and everyone. I replied it was all pretty good so far, then mentioned how I thought some of the women, including Leah, were a bit suspicious of me, and also my relationship with her and Ted, and how I figured I needed to be careful what I said around them. "Annalise said they were just jealous of my looks," I laughed, "but I'm not so sure about that." Erica smiled. "Well, you ARE quite the looker, Sandra, and some women DO tend to mistrust girls who are more beautiful than they are? But you're right to trust your intuition." Then she explained why it was so important that I protect Ted, and how much trust he'd placed in me to safeguard their privacy. And I told her I'd never do anything to break their trust, and besides it would be a disaster for me too, if my own secrets were ever revealed. So I promised to be extra-cautious, and she seemed happy with that. Then Erica got a quick run-down on my trip to the Rockies, and she said it was bad enough I got to have a ski vacation, but she was insanely jealous that I got to experience what real intercourse was like. I told her how much in love with Rob I was, and how I thought he was going to propose marriage when I saw him later that month. I thought she'd be really excited for me, but to my dismay she told me I needed to come clean with him before accepting. 'Oh no, not you too,' I thought. On the walk back to work Erica explained why it was so important that Rob and I know everything about each other before taking a huge step like that. Now I might have been tempted to disregard her advice, like I did with the others who in my mind simply couldn't empathize with me. But I'd already felt convicted by Sharon's counsel, and I couldn't very well ignore Erica's - like me, she was a male who had re-cast himself as a female, and for years he'd been happily living the all-female life I was just beginning to explore - with a man who had a relationship with him before he began dressing the part. What's more, even Erica wasn't legally married to Edward. So I had to take her counsel seriously. But I didn't have much of a chance to think about all that at the office. The rest of the week was like a whirlwind. Every day seemed to go by in the blink of an eye, I was kept so busy. The biggest challenge, as it turned out, wasn't learning how to do my job - that was easy, compared to figuring out how to deal with all the different personalities! Thank God for Annalise! Like I said before, the men were very nice - they all treated me like gold. SO much different from how male customers behaved towards me at the restaurant. But I tried hard to please everyone. Aside from the paralegals and legal assistants, there were three female attorneys. One of them, the woman I'd seen the first morning, reminded me of the snooty lady lawyer in 'Erin Brockovich.' AND Mark's sister Marcia, I thought with a sly grin, recalling that she was also in the legal biz. The problem was, most of the women still seemed cool towards me, and sometimes said things in an abrupt or condescending way, even though I kept telling myself it was just my imagination. Maybe Annalise was right, I tried to assure myself - I was just prettier than they were, as hard as that was to accept. Or maybe it had got around that one of the partners was sweet on me. Whatever! I just tried to do my job as well as I could, and ignore the uncomfortable feelings. On the weekend I phoned Erica to talk about it some more. She chuckled and said it sounded like a classic case of office politics. Women in an office environment can be their own worst enemies, she told me - it's like they're in competition for everything: looks, clothes, men, money and status. "They probably see you as some kind of threat," she opined. "Me? But I'm just an office girl - like, why would they care about me?" "You're the newcomer, honey, and you're young and beautiful. Didn't you say the men were all gaga over you?" "Yeah, I guess so. But so what?" "So you're already seen as competition, that's what. Just be on your guard, Sandra. Always remember, women can be backstabbers too - they're good at undermining each other? It's one reason why women have so much trouble climbing the career ladder, and getting paid the same as men for the same work." That comment rang a bell - I'd read about those issues earlier that year, and thought it sounded SO unfair. "Because they undermine each other?" "That's how I see it. And did you know, many women say they prefer male bosses because they get treated better, more fairly?" "Oh my God, I had no clue!" I exclaimed. "Wow - and here I always thought women were, like, so perfect and so nice to each other." She laughed and said, "Oh, don't kid yourself, honey! Nobody's perfect in this world? Don't get me wrong - I love women and I love being one now, but I've learned to be on my guard around them - always." "Really? Well I'm totally shocked," I said. "And here I thought it'd be so much fun to work in an office with other women, like it was working in the restaurant with all those girls." "That was different. They were like you - young, pretty and single, and doing the same job, and not looking for promotions? And you girls all had to deal with males who were lusting after your body, so you had a good reason to lean on each other for support? You were in the same fishbowl, so you bonded." "Yeah, I guess you're right. That makes a lot of sense." I thanked Erica for her always-sage advice on the joys and pitfalls of living as a woman and said goodbye. What would I do without her, I mused while pulling on my running outfit. But like I said before, jogging always helped me think clearly about a problem, and by the time I got back home an hour later, I knew what I needed to do to be successful as a new career girl. I'd be extra-careful, as Erica had advised - especially since I had a woman for a boss - but I'd also go the extra mile and do my job so well that no one could ever undermine me. I'd make myself an indispensable asset to Atkinson, Gregory and McMillan - at least until my knight in shining armor showed up on the scene again to sweep me off my feet and make me his wife! To be continued ....