Nikki runs out of luck
- 1 year ago
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Nikki, Part 4 free porn video
I pout my deep red-coloured lips for the camera as I take shot after shot
of me in various poses. My dark brown hair has been styled into a
feminine bob, framing my immaculately made-up face.
My dress is unique- truly one of a kind. Made up of three layers of
multicoloured organza, it is simultaneously elegant and modern, sleek yet
fun. The wide shoulder straps cover my padded bra, and the asymmetrical
skirts cover the top half of my hairless legs, encased in thin black
tights. On my feet are black stiletto pumps with a 2.5" heel- not even
close to being a match for the dress, but all I can afford on my limited
budget. I raise one hand to my hip, my completely hairless arm ending in
long, deep red nails. To look at me, you'd never suspect I was a fifteen
year old girl- let alone a fifteen year old boy!
"I wish you didn't have to sell this dress," I pout as Sarah takes
another photo of her latest creation- by which I of course mean the
dress, not me!
"There'll be another one along in a few weeks," Sarah says with a smile.
I grin briefly before resuming my earlier 'model's pout'. "Okay, your
turn!"
"That WAS my turn," I joke as I take the camera from Sarah and begin to
photograph her in her own dress- a deep blue spaghetti-strapped creation
with emerald-coloured detailing. Sarah is, of course, also wearing her
own make-up, nail polish and heels. Before too long, the dresses we're
wearing will be for sale on Sarah's online store and will no doubt be
eagerly snapped up by a fashionista with an eye for style!
Once we're done with our photographs we dismantle the impromptu studio
we'd erected in Sarah's living room and change our dresses for casual
skirts and tops.
"Are you girls all finished now?" Beverly calls from the kitchen, having
known better than to interfere in her daughter's 'summer project'!
"All done, mum," Sarah replies, prompting Beverly to enter the room and
hand us both tall, cold glasses of fruit juice.
"Thanks," I say as I sit down on the sofa, elegantly sweeping my light,
knee-length skirt underneath me.
"Do you both have to keep your heels on?" Beverly chastises, causing me
and my girlfriend to sheepishly remove our footwear and put them neatly
away in the hallway. "I also don't get why you have to wear so much make-
up too..."
"We're supermodels!" Sarah explains with a smug smile. "We can't exactly
go in front of the camera bare-faced, can we?"
"There's a difference between 'some' make-up and 'that' make-up," Beverly
says firmly, before letting out a small giggle. "I suppose you can't stop
teenaged girls from being teenaged girls. And- make-up aside- you are
being very professional about your business. I am very proud of what
you've achieved, Sarah."
"Thanks, mum," Sarah says with a bashful smile as she cuddles up closer
to me. "I couldn't have done it without you. OR without my best girl
Nikki!"
"You probably could've," I say in my practised feminine voice as Sarah
gives me a quick cuddle. "I mean, you're the uber-talented designer, I'm
just a clothes horse with a face."
"No," Sarah quickly corrects me, "you're a supermodel. You really could
do this professionally."
"Um, are you forgetting the small problem with that?" I sigh. "No model
agency's going to hire a former boy. Or a current boy..."
"How many times do I have to tell you," Beverly interrupts, "you'll never
know until you try. And you know I'm not just referring to modelling,
right?"
"Yeah," Sarah says. "All the time you've been a schoolboy all you've
wanted to be was a schoolgirl. You've only got one year left before
leaving school for good..."
"I know, I know," I say, trying to keep my emotions in check. "It's
just... too much of a risk."
"You won't be able to keep it from them forever," Sarah persists.
"Telling them you've shaved your legs and arms for swimming, you've grown
your hair long because I asked you too... How long do you suppose you'll
be able to keep your parents fooled?"
"Only until the end of my GCSEs," I say firmly. "Then I'll think about
it." Deep down, however, I know that I'll never have the courage to face
my parents as Nikki. The doubt eats away at me for the rest of the day,
even as my make-up and nail polish is removed and I'm putting away my
outfit in the 'Nikki drawers' in Sarah's bedroom. It's amazing just how
much my collection of girl's clothes has expanded in the last four
months- I now own over a dozen skirts and dresses, some girly shorts,
even a pair of tight-fitting jeans. I have several tops and shirts, and
even- at Sarah's insistence- one long-sleeved bodysuit. I have five pairs
of shoes- some that even have heels- and even one pair of boots that I
saw going cheap in a charity store. Hell, I even own a girl's black one-
piece swimsuit, even though I'm never likely to ever wear it anywhere
near water. And my underwear drawer is filled to near-bursting with
panties, bras and several different colours of tights.
"You know this can't go on," Sarah tells me as I finish putting 'Nick's'
clothes back on. "Every time you stop being Nikki you're more and more
miserable. I hate seeing you with a frown on your face, it's like your
mouth won't form a smile unless it's wearing lipstick." I lick my bare
lips and stare at the floor.
"Would- would you still love me if I was a girl all the time?" I ask
quietly. Sarah immediately drops what she was doing and wraps her arms
around me in a tight embrace.
"Of COURSE I would!" She practically yells in my ear. "You're my
girlfriend!"
"I just thought, you know," I stutter, "right now you have the best of
both, and-"
"I don't care what category you want to put yourself in," Sarah says.
"Just as long as you're you." I return Sarah's hug as we head downstairs,
hand in hand.
"Nick," Beverly says to me as I prepare to leave, "can I have a quick
word?" Confused by this sudden request, I park myself down on the sofa,
where just minutes earlier I had been snuggled up next to Sarah in my
cute skirt and top.
"I think it would be best for you if you started to see a psychiatrist,"
Beverly states bluntly. I'm slightly taken aback-and slightly insulted by
Beverly's forthrightness.
"You always said there was nothing wrong with the way I am," I say
defensively.
"And there isn't," Beverly retorts. "You don't need to be 'cured', Nikki.
But you do need to be happy. The difference between looking at you now
and looking at you half an hour ago is astonishing. You're not happy as a
boy, and you need help. Whether this is to get you help to come out as a
girl full-time, or to help you be happier as a boy, I can't say- you'll
have to talk that out with your counselor. I'd be happy to help you
myself, but obviously, you're practically family so I wouldn't be able to
be professionally detached."
"...And you probably couldn't afford her," Sarah snarks, prompting me to
giggle a little.
"Sarah," Beverly chastises, effortlessly silencing the defiant teenager.
"I know someone who can help you, and she's NHS so she can help you
without you having to pay. You just need a referral from your GP."
"I-I can't talk to my doctor," I complain, panic rising in my chest.
"He'd tell my parents, he'd-"
"Hello?" Sarah interrupts. "Doctor-patient confidentiality?"
"That's right," Beverly confirms. "I can almost guarantee you won't be
the first transgendered person your GP will have seen, and probably not
the first under-16 either. He won't tell your parents unless you
specifically give him permission."
"When I see him..." I say, my voice quivering, "could you come with me,
please?" I look at Beverly, knowing I'm asking a lot but not expecting a
positive response. I almost break down in tears when she smiles.
"Of course I'll come with you," Beverly says warmly. "I'll have to fit
the appointment around my work but as it's the school holidays it
shouldn't be too hard to get you in to see him soon."
"I'll come with you too," Sarah offers, squeezing my shoulder.
"Thanks," I say hesitantly, "but-"
"But?" Sarah asks, mild offence creeping into her voice.
"But..." I say, picking my words with extreme care. "...I want your mum
to come as she's the only adult I can trust. I mean, of course- I'd want
your support, but-"
"You want this to be done properly," Sarah finishes my sentence. "It's
okay, I get it. Can I come if I promise to be quiet?"
"There's a first time for everything," Beverly snipes with a smug smile
on her face, laughing when her daughter sticks her tongue out at her.
"The big question is- do you go as Nick or Nikki?" Sarah asks. Beverly,
however, replies immediately.
"Go as Nick, at least for the first appointment," Beverly advises. I nod
quietly- I never thought what was a childish obsession with girl's
clothes could reach the point where I'm actually seeking medical help,
but I trust Beverly absolutely.
As I'm leaving the house, Sarah stops me with one final hug.
"God, I missed you," she mumbles into my shoulder. "I'm so glad I'm back
from America. You must be, too- I'm guessing you didn't get any Nikki
time whilst I was away?"
"Not a second," I confirm. "I missed it. But I missed Sarah time more!"
"Right answer!" Sarah says, squeezing me tighter and giving me a quick
kiss before letting me depart.
The very next day- and without my parents' knowledge- I book an
appointment with my doctor, and just three days afterwards I rendezvous
with Beverly and Sarah outside the clinic. I'd told my parents I was
spending the day with Sarah- which I guess isn't entirely untrue.
"Hey Nikki," Sarah says, giving me a quick hug that I eagerly
reciprocate. "I've got make-up in my bag in case you need to become the
'real' you before we get home."
"Thanks," I say, unsure exactly how to react. I'm wearing just a boring
pair of jeans and a t-shirt and with my hair slicked back I'm obviously a
boy- but some lipstick now would feel SO good...
It's not long before I'm called in to see my doctor, and after Beverly
introduces herself and Sarah and the two women take seats either side of
me, the middle-aged man turns to face me and asks me a question that
stumps me entirely.
"So Nick, how can I help you today?" I freeze under such a direct
question. I've played through this scene a hundred times in my head and
each time I speak eloquently, make a grand gesture with fanfares playing
in the background, but now that the moment's come, I'm at a loss for
words.
"I-" I stutter, my mouth seemingly incapable of forming another coherent
word. Fortunately, Sarah is there to grab my hand and give it a
comforting squeeze.
"Take it slowly, in your own time," Beverly whispers in my ear. "We're
here to support you no matter what."
"I-" I stutter again, before taking a deep breath and finishing the
sentence in one continuous sound. "I think I'm transsexual," I blurt.
Instantly it's as though a weight is released from my chest and I almost
melt off the chair in exhilaration. I've said it! I've actually said it,
and to a man I've known for almost my entire life. And the doctor doesn't
look shocked, or offended- he simply nods professionally.
"How long have you had these feelings?" He asks. With the first question
answered, the next questions are a piece of cake.
"As long as I can remember," I say confidently. "I've always dreamed
about being a girl, being part of a group of girls, growing up as a
woman. I feel much happier when I'm being a girl instead of a boy."
"Have you told your parents this?" The doctor asks, to which I simply
shake my head.
"I can't," I say quietly. "They wouldn't understand, they'd think I was a
freak."
"You'd be surprised," the doctor says with a smile. "I don't think you're
a freak, your friend and her mother obviously don't. It's nothing out of
the ordinary or freakish for some people to feel they were born the wrong
gender, and I think you'll find your parents will understand that better
than you think."
"I wish that was true," I mumble. The doctor simply smiles comfortingly
at me and probes further, asking the same questions Beverly had earlier
asked about my genuine desire to be female, before making the
recommendation Beverly had promised that he would.
"I'm going to refer you to a counselor who specialises in these sorts of
things," the doctor says, typing into his computer. "She'll be happy to
see you once a week to talk through how you feel, but one of the first
things she'll say will be what I'm saying now: TELL. YOUR. PARENTS. If
you're diagnosed with gender dysphoria you can be started on hormone
replacement therapy very quickly- provided, of course, you have your
parents' consent."
"Bu-but I'm only fifteen, I can't take hormones!" I exclaim, taken aback
by the doctor's positivity.
"Hormone replacement is available to patients from the age of twelve,"
the doctor explains. "You're going through puberty now, which is the
biggest hormonal change our bodies ever experience. It's a lot easier and
a lot quicker to get the right hormonal balance in you now than it would
be after puberty finishes." I sit back in my chair, dazed by what I'm
hearing.
"From what you've told me I believe that you are a girl trapped in a
boy's body," the doctor explains, "and I think you truly believe that as
well. The longer you put this decision off, the harder it will be in the
long run." I nod and thank the doctor for his time before leaving the
clinic with Beverly and Sarah.
"That's two people now who have told you the exact same thing," Beverly
says confidently.
"Two TRAINED PROFESSIONALS," Sarah emphasizes. "Two people who know what
they're talking about probably even better than you do! How long are you
going to keep running away from what you want more than anything?"
"My parents just wouldn't understand," I whine as Beverly drives us back
to her home.
"Yes. They. Would." Sarah insists. I simply sigh and gaze out of the
window, tired of arguing further. However, the streets we're driving down
look familiar- but not as the streets leading to Sarah's home.
"Are- are you driving me back to my house?" I ask anxiously.
"Yes, yes I am," Beverly confirms.
"I'm not telling them!" I blurt, panic setting in. "I'm not telling them
today! I-"
"You've made that perfectly clear," Beverly jokes. "However, you are
always saying just how intolerant your parents are, and as I've never met
them, I figured it was time to judge for myself. Besides, it seems
strange that you've been my daughter's boyfriend or girlfriend for months
now and I've never met them. Today seems as good a day as any." Knowing
when I'm defeated, I slump back in my chair.
Mere minutes later, we arrive at my house where Beverly formally
introduces herself to my parents. As the adults talk in the living room,
I lead Sarah up to my room, where we both sit down on my tiny single bed.
"Thus sucks," I complain.
"I dunno, I kinda like your room," Sarah says, trying to cheer me up.
"It's... Androgynous." I smile and take the compliment the way it was
intended.
"Yeah, but I don't have a single bit of PROPER clothing anywhere in it,"
I whinge. Sarah smiles knowingly as she undoes her bag.
"You've got make-up though," Sarah chuckles as she tips out my cosmetics
onto my bed. I pick up the lipstick and twirl it around nervously.
"I wouldn't get away with it," I sigh. "I'd have to go out into my
bathroom to wash it off, and my parents would DEFINITELY wonder what we
were both doing in there..."
"Nikki!" Sarah interrupts, grabbing my head and directing my full
attention toward her. "I'm here. My mum's here. I can make you up right
now, we can go downstairs and you can explain everything to your parents
with the best back-up in the world." I pause briefly as I seriously
consider what Sarah's saying. I've had two trained medical professionals
tell me that they believe I'm a girl trapped in a boy's body. Very soon
I'll be referred to a third who will undoubtedly- hopefully, anyway- say
the same thing. But if my parents don't accept me... I'll be left with
nothing. Either I'll be forced to stop being a girl- and even worse,
stopped from seeing Sarah- for good, or I'll be kicked out completely. I
can't risk either of those thing happening.
"I... Am... A girl," I whisper shakily. "I just... Can't be, just yet."
Sarah hugs me as I finalise my decision yet again.
"You know," Sarah says, "this is the first time outside school I've spent
a prolonged period of time with 'boy you'. And he's nowhere near as fun
as my Nikki!"
"I'm sorry," I whisper.
"Don't you dare be sorry!" Sarah admonishes me. "Except for your lack of
courage!" Sarah sticks her tongue out at me to let me know she's joking,
and I retort in kind before we link hands in our 'girl love handshake'.
"I shouldn't need to remind you that it's not really 'girl love' if it's
not between two girls," Sarah teases, quickly pulling her hand away from
mine. I sigh and collapse back on my bed whilst Sarah puts on a CD as we
waste the afternoon talking, listening to music and NOT being two
girlfriends.
Beverly eventually calls Sarah down less than 30 minutes later, but
before they leave, Beverly speaks to me privately.
"Your parents are nice people," Beverly explains. "I don't know where you
get this 'intolerance' from. I explained to them what I do for a living,
the people I deal with, and they were curious and non-judgemental."
"Non-judgemental of strangers," I retort. "It'd be different if it was
their own son."
"You'll never know for sure until you try," Beverly advises as she
departs, closely followed by her daughter (though not before Sarah gives
me a goodbye hug & kiss!).
"She seems like a nice person," dad enthuses as I collapse down on our
sofa and pretend to take interest in the television. "Dealing with
transsexuals all day... Must be hard keeping her 'his' and 'her's
straight! It is a bit weird all that, don't you think? Can't understand
how someone can feel they have a burning need to chop and change their
parts to become the opposite gender."
"You can't understand why people suddenly stop liking certain types of
food," mum jokes as she sits down next to dad.
"Well it's not natural, is it?" Dad asks, but with confusion in his voice
rather than anger. "If someone's born a boy, surely they'd want to grow
up to be a man?" Inside, I die a little with each word my father says
reinforcing my belief that I'd never be accepted as his daughter.
"Anyway, it obviously keeps her and her daughter well-fed," dad
concludes. "I was kinda hoping you were going to get a haircut today,
Nick. Let it get any longer and maybe we'll have to see if she can give
you a few counselling sessions!"
"Ha ha," I sarcastically laugh, secretly wishing we could continue the
previous topic of conversation. Because I came close to letting Sarah
make me up. I came close- so close- to finally biting the bullet and
telling my parents that deep down inside, I'm not a boy.
That night as I sleep, I once again find myself dressed in a pristine
white wedding dress, walking down the aisle to where Sarah is waiting for
me at the altar, dressed in her own pure white gown. I look up at the
face of the person walking me down the aisle and I see my dad smiling
warmly down at me.
"I'm so, so proud of you," dad beams. "My beautiful daughter."
If only, if only dreams could come true.
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