I gently lower myself into one of the sofas in Charlotte's vast 'main room',
taking the weight off my aching feet before slipping off my stiletto heels
and massaging the soles of my feet.
"Don't let Hannah ever catch you doing that," Viks giggles as she sits down
next to me. "Unless you plan on going on Strictly yourself next year..."
"If they'll have me," I say, making Viks giggle.
"Why are you over here, anyway, and not with Sarah?" Viks asks. "Still
falling out over what you were talking about yesterday?"
"...Sort-of," I sigh as I look across the room and deep into Sarah's deep
blue-grey eyes.
"Sarah Jennifer Phillips?" I'd asked as we laid in bed this morning. "Will
you marry me?"
"Uhh," Sarah moaned, panicking almost to the point of hyperventilation. "Ni-
Nikki, I- I-"
"Just- 'yes' or 'no'," I whispered. "Preferably 'yes'..."
"Nikki..." Sarah whispered. "The- the ring's beautiful. But..."
"No," I moaned, tears forming in my eyes. "Please, please no 'but's..."
"We ARE only eighteen," Sarah sighed. "We're still young, we've got all our
lives ahead of us..."
"I want to spend that life with you," I said, not lowering the ring. "You as
much as said the exact same thing. Please..."
"I- I don't know that I'm ready yet," Sarah whispered.
"Then why do you even HAVE an engagement ring?" I wailed. "You don't buy an
engagement ring unless you plan on proposing. You don't propose unless you
plan on getting married..."
"...I bought it just after my birthday," Sarah sighed. "Using some money from
my trust fund... I was going to ask eventually, I swear I was..."
"What changed?" I asked, slowly lowering my own ring. "You can't have
returned it, I saw the inscription inside it..."
"I- I changed," Sarah whispered.
"Did your feelings about me change?" I asked.
"No, never," Sarah said. "But I was young then, foolish, immature..."
"...And now you're more mature... You don't want to marry me?" I asked, closing
the ring box as bile started to rise in my throat.
"Now... I don't know what I want," Sarah sighed.
"But you do," I retorted. "You said so yourself, you're never going to go
anywhere, and I want to commit to you, forever and ever."
"We're still only eighteen," Sarah whispered. "Everyone else will say we're
too young."
"It doesn't matter what they think," I pleaded. "It only matters what we
think. I am never, ever going to stop loving you, Sarah. You said the same
about me. Yes, we're young. Yes, we've got the rest of our lives... So why not
spend it together? You never said 'no', Sarah. So I'll ask again: will you
please marry me?"
"What do you mean, 'sort-of'?" Viks asks. "Oh, never mind, tell me later.
Here she comes...!" I smile as I stare up at the widescreen television that's
been placed at the end of the vast room. On it, the familiar logo of BBC
One's Strictly Come Dancing spins into view, closely followed by the
smiling, beautiful form of our friend Hannah and her professional dance
partner Robin. The whole room watches enthralled as the tall man whips
Hannah around the dancefloor in a beautiful quickstep, Hannah's long,
flowing dress sweeping around her with every step she takes. Everyone in the
room gives Hannah a standing ovation at the end of the dance, and a second
one when her score- 30 points out of a total possible 40- comes back.
"She is so cool," I sigh happily.
"I know, I love her, I really do," Viks sighs. "So what's up with you and
Sarah?" I take a deep breath before slipping my heels back on my sore feet.
"Excuse me," I whisper to the confused dark-haired woman. With a shake in my
step- from both nerves and my impractical shoes- I walk to the front of the
room, in front of the big screen, and grab one of the nearby microphones.
"Hi everyone," I say with a shaky voice, instantly grabbing the attention of
all the partygoers. "Umm, sorry for interrupting Strictly, umm, Sarah- Sarah
and I have something we need to tell you all." Sarah stares at me with a
stoic expression on her face as she reties her ponytail and joins me behind
the microphone. The room watches on in silence as I take Sarah's hands in
mine, before gazing deeply into her eyes.
"Sarah," I say with a shaky voice. "Ever since I met you four years ago, I
have loved you more and more with every passing day. You complete me, mind,
body and soul, and I will be forever yours."
"Nikki," Sarah whispers, barely loud enough for the crowd to hear. "Before I
met you, I never thought I would be lucky enough to have someone in my life
who brings me so much joy every hour of every day. You are truly my soul
mate, I love you with every atom of my being, and I will be forever yours."
"Sarah Jennifer Phillips," I whisper as I slowly sink to my knees, eliciting
shocked gasps from the crowd.
"Nicola Christine Thomas," Sarah says, a wide grin spreading across her face
as she joins me in kneeling.
"-Will you marry me?" We both ask simultaneously, prompting cheers from the
crowd as we immediately jump up and hug each other tightly, tears streaming
down both of our faces.
"Yes, obviously!" I say, making Sarah giggle uncontrollably.
"Yes!" Sarah squeaks at the same time as she tightens her grip on my body.
The entire crowd goes wild, completely forgetting about the TV show on the
screen behind me, as I take my ring out of my handbag for the last time and
slowly slide it onto the third finger on Sarah's left hand. Still shaking
with nerves, Sarah reaches into her handbag and pulls out her ring, the same
ring I first say so many months ago and haven't seen since. Her hands are
shaking so much that she nearly drops it on the floor, but is ultimately
able to slide it onto my finger before kissing me again one more time.
"Oh my god oh my god!" Katie squeaks, launching herself at myself and Sarah
in a tight hug. "You guys! This is so incredible!"
"At last!" Charlotte laughs as she approaches me and Sarah, giving us both
long, tight hugs. Sarah and I giggle uncontrollably as literally every
single person in the room- even 'friends of friends' that we barely know-
come over to us and give us tight, friendly hugs and demands to see our
rings- demands we both happily oblige! Last, but most definitely not least,
is my mentor, who gives me a long, tight hug before comparing her own
engagement ring to mine.
"This is so amazing," Jamie sighs happily. "But you know you're in a queue,
right?"
"Yeah, and you're third in it!" Viks interrupts, making Jamie and I laugh.
"Don't worry, we're not getting married immediately," Sarah laughs. "We've
talked it over, we're going to wait until, at the earliest, I've graduated
and Nikki's had her SRS."
"Sensible," Jamie says. "So why get engaged immediately?"
"...Yes," Sarah whispered, making my body shake with excitement. "Yes, I will
marry you, Nikki."
"You- you will?" I responded.
"Of course I will," Sarah said, giving me a soft, gentle kiss. "I love you.
Ultimately, I want us to get married and to spend the rest of our lives
together."
"'Ultimately'?" I asked, making Sarah chuckle.
"Oh my god, you are so insecure!" Sarah sighed with a smile on her face. "We
ae still a bit young to get MARRIED, but you know what? We're not too young
to agree to get married. Which, if I'm right, is also known as 'getting
engaged', isn't it?"
"Yeah," I whispered, still trembling with excitement as Sarah smiled at me.
"Why- why did you change your mind?"
"Who says I changed my mind?" Sarah said with a coy smile. "I needed to know
that this was what I truly wanted, and what you truly wanted... And it is.
I've told you in the past that I'm not straight, I'm not gay, I'm not a
lesbian... I'm strictly 'Nikkisexual'. After uni, or maybe earlier, say when
we were both twenty, I'd probably- no, I'd definitely have proposed to you."
"...I was kinda waiting for that," I said, my cheeks starting to flush. "What
girl doesn't want to be proposed to be the 'person' of their dreams?
Literally, the girl of my dreams." Sarah giggled before getting out bed,
making me stand as she dropped to one knee in front of me.
"Nicola Christine Thomas," Sarah said in a quiet, serious voice, "will you
please marry me?"
"Do you even need to ask?" I whispered as tears streamed down my face. "Yes,
of course I will!" Sarah laughed as she stood up and we wrapped our arms
around each other.
"You know," Sarah whispered, "it is still only 6:15... Want to go back to bed
and, umm, 'consummate our engagement'?"
"You said it, fianc?e!" I said as I got back in bed, making Sarah's grin
grow even wider.
"Too right, fianc?e!" Sarah giggled as she gave me a long, deep kiss. "And
that's fianc?e with TWO Es. You are going to be the most beautiful bride
ever!"
"Second most beautiful bride ever," I whispered as our bodies quickly became
entwined.
"...Why wait?" Sarah asks, making Jamie giggle. "Besides, we've been going out
for four years, you and Stuart were only going out eighteen months when you
got engaged..."
"Touch?, touch?," Jamie giggles. "Remember our deal though, Nikki- a
bridesmaid for a bridesmaid!"
"We're not- we're not even going to start PLANNING the wedding until after
my SRS," I laugh. "That could be another two years... But okay, you can be my
bridesmaid!" I laugh as Jamie giggles and gives me another excited hug.
"Any idea on who's going to be your maid of honour?" Jamie probes, making me
groan frustratedly.
"I just said, no planning yet!" I laugh. "We want to relax and enjoy being
engaged first. God knows I've not been relaxing much lately..." I sigh happily
as Sarah wraps her arm around my waist and pulls me in for a tight cuddle.
"Hopefully now the nightmares and the stress will go," Sarah laughs. "Guess
I need to pick bridesmaids too... Sorry Jamie, but you can't be bridesmaid to
BOTH of us!"
"Oh my god," Jamie giggles. "Two brides, loads of bridesmaids, two flower
girls and absolutely NO guys? This is going to be the girliest wedding
ever!"
"I know!" I squeak excitedly. "Well, 'womanliest', as we're both going to be
in our twenties when we actually tie the knot!"
"Well long engagement or not, you two are SO having an engagement party!"
Jamie laughs.
"You haven't even had one yet!" Sarah complains. "I know, it's not really
your fault- or Stuart's, I guess- but still..."
"We'll just have an extra-large engagement party when Stu's back on his
feet," Jamie shrugs. "I'll call around caterers on Monday, get back to you.
Just call it my treat!" I laugh tiredly as Jamie practically skips away and
I lead my fianc?e to one of the room's many sofas.
"Think you just had your maid of honour chosen for you," Sarah giggles as
she rests her head on my shoulder.
"I dunno, it's weird," I laugh. "I always thought that when I got married,
my best friend would be my maid of honour."
"Same here," Sarah says with a sly smirk. "I much prefer this arrangement,
though- where I get to marry my best friend!" I giggle as I share yet
another kiss with my new fianc?e, which of course prompts half the room to
snap us with their phones- which of course prompts Sarah and I to kiss yet
again!
"Are you ready?" Sarah asked as I finished applying my make-up and
straightened the black tights underneath my short grey skirt.
"Ready as I'll ever be," I sighed, linking hands with my brand-new fianc?e
and walking downstairs.
"Morning, you two!" Dad chuckled. "You're looking happy this morning, even
more than usual for a Saturday! Is uni THAT tiring, Sarah?"
"Yes," Sarah said coyly. "But I may have other reasons to be happy!"
"Oh?" Dad asked. "Care to share why?" Sarah and I both giggled as the
middle-aged man looked at us with confusion in his eyes.
"Well, we don't want to give anything away just yet," I said, making Sarah
giggle harder. "You, on the other hand, will, a couple of years from now..."
Dad's eyes grew wide with shock as Sarah held up her hand, showing the
beautiful ring that had took up residence on her third finger.
"You- you're getting married!?" Dad asked incredulously. "Sandra! Get down
here!"
"What is it?" mum tiredly asked as she walked down the stairs and took Jenny
from dad's arms.
"Take a look at Sarah's left hand," dad ordered, making me and my new
fianc?e giggle as mum's eyes bulged just as wide as my dad's had.
"You- you're engaged!?" Mum squeaked, her tiredness instantly disappearing.
"Are you sure this is what you both really want?"
"One hundred per cent," I said.
"One TRILLION per cent," Sarah chuckled.
"Then I'm so, so happy for you both," mum said, handing Jenny back to dad
and giving us both long, tight hugs.
"Thanks, 'future mum-in-law'!" Sarah giggled.
"When Nikki was-" mum began, before pausing and sighing. "When Nikki was,
well, 'Nick', we'd always hoped that he- as SHE was back then- would find a
woman who would make him- again, as SHE was back then- truly happy. Just
because Nick became Nikki, it didn't mean that hope for HER changed one bit.
And I'm so, so glad it's come to pass. So... Welcome to the family, I guess!"
I sighed happily, tears welling in my eyes as my mum embraced her future
daughter-in-law
"Still so amazing," Jamie sighed as she saw Sarah and I out of her house at
the end of the 'party'. "We are going to be spending a LOT of time in bridal
shops over the coming few months!"
"For your wedding only!" I giggle, before a familiar extra-tall blonde
figure catches my eye. "Umm, excuse us..." Sarah grimaces as she follows my
eye line, before nodding and following me over to the leggy girl as she gets
in her boyfriend's car.
"Hey Dannii," I say.
"Hey girlies!" Dannii says with a forced-looking smile on her face. "Or
should I say 'girly fianc?es'?"
"The second one's better," Sarah chuckles.
"We didn't get to speak to you in there... Are you okay?" I ask.
"Sure," Dannii shrugs. "Paul's kinda in a hurry to get home, but I'll see
you on Wednesday at ballet, okay?"
"Sure," I say as Dannii and her boyfriend drive away, before turning to my
new fianc?e. "...Sorry."
"Nothing to be sorry for," Sarah says, squeezing my hand. "It's not like you
have any feelings for her, right?"
"None at all," I say. "I just don't like the thought that our engagement
might make other people unhappy, that's all..."
"THEIR problem," Sarah says firmly. "Especially in Dannii's case."
"You're right," I say with a wide smile. "Especially after all she's done."
"We'll still send her an invitation, of course," Sarah says. "Sat somewhere
at the back, near the fire extinguishers, maybe." I giggle happily as Sarah
drives us back to her home, where it takes us no time to head up to her
bedroom to 'consummate our engagement' once again.
Sarah's alarm clock wakes me from a dreamless sleep at 8:30am, and I sigh
happily as Sarah stirs next to me, the beautiful ring on her left hand
sparkling in the early morning sunlight as she switches off her alarm.
"Morning, fianc?e," I coo to Sarah, giving her a long kiss as she cuddles
the bed sheets around the two of us.
"Morning, fianc?e," Sarah coos back. "24 hours of engagement- well, 26,
technically- no regrets yet?"
"The only regret is that I didn't ask you sooner," I say, giving Sarah
another kiss. "Not that the stress wasn't worth it if it got me to right
here, right now, but still..."
"The important thing is that we ARE right here, right now," Sarah says,
kissing me back. "Come on, get showered and dressed, we've got to break the
news to my mum..." I nod and give Sarah yet another kiss before sliding out of
bed and heading to Sarah's shower. Once we're both thoroughly cleaned,
perfectly made-up and dressed in clean, loose dresses and shiny black
tights, the two of us walk downstairs hand-in-hand to find Beverly already
awake and waiting for us.
"Morning, girls!" Beverly says, giving me the same tingle of happiness I
always get whenever anyone- no matter how well I know them- addresses me
unambiguously as a girl. "Good night last night?"
"It was pretty good, yes," Sarah says, smiling at me. "Mum... We have
something we need to tell you." I take a deep breath as Beverly looks at us
stoically. She's probably the most intelligent person I know, so I don't
doubt that she's already figured out what our 'news' is- we wouldn't be
breaking up if we were holding hands and I lost the ability to impregnate
Sarah a long, long time ago, which leaves two options- we're moving in
together, or we're engaged. Or both...
"Nikki and I..." Sarah whispers. "We- we're getting married."
"I had a feeling that was what you were going to tell me," Beverly says,
getting up from her chair and giving us both quick hugs. "Obviously, I still
think you're both too young for this, but you are both adults and can make
your own decisions... And I know you'll both make each other so, so happy."
"We're not going to rush into getting married," Sarah says. "Uni's my first
focus, but once that's done, it won't be long before we tie the knot."
"And it'll be after I've recovered from my SRS, too," I say.
"But I wanted to make the commitment NOW," Sarah says. "Well, the
'commitment to commit', anyway... I know some people say they'll get 'engaged
to be engaged' but that just seems pointless..."
"You don't need to justify yourself to me!" Beverly chuckles. "If you want
my blessing, then yes, you obviously have it. Who else have you told?"
"My parents," I say.
"And our friends last night," Sarah continues. "Nikki actually proposed
yesterday morning but we had a sort-of 'mutual proposal' at Charlotte's last
night..."
"I wish I'd been there to see it," Beverly sighs happily. "My only daughter
get engaged to the girl of her dreams... I'm glad you're both happy. Are you
going to call your father to tell him?"
"Ooh, now that's a treat I want to save for another time," Sarah says with a
wicked grin. "Really want to see the look on the dragon's face when I break
the news!"
"I want to see the look on her face when she finds out she's going to have a
transgendered stepdaughter-in-law!" I giggle. "Believe it or not, she STILL
doesn't know the quote-unquote 'truth' about me..."
"Just be careful not to antagonise her too much," Beverly advises. "You
don't want her to sever all contact with you, I know your father will want
to walk you down the aisle and your half-brother and sister will definitely
want to be at the wedding."
"We won't push TOO hard," I say, before mine & Sarah's phone both beep with
new text message alerts.
"Let me guess- 'congratulations'?" Beverly asks with a chuckle.
"Yep," I laugh. "Jamie and the rest of the girls inviting us out to lunch..."
"We should get changed!" Sarah giggles.
"You only just got dressed," Beverly sighs, her chuckle growing louder. "But
you go on, celebrate as much as you can! As long as it doesn't interfere
with your work or your uni, of course."
"Of course," Sarah giggles as she texts Jamie back to let her know we'll be
on our way, before leading me back upstairs to pick out an outfit for the
meal.
"Pity Jacinta and Ophelia can't make it to the meal," Sarah muses as she
swaps her dress and her tights for a slinkier, darker outfit.
"Where do they live again?" I ask.
"Brighton," Sarah says. "So I guess it's not too far, but public transport
on a Sunday..."
"Yeah, it's a shame," I say. "If we get that party Jamie's promising though,
we are SO inviting them to that."
"Really?" Sarah asks. "It wouldn't make you too jealous to have them along?"
"Jacinta's really nice," I say. "I actually do want to get to know her
better. And Ophelia, well... Yeah. But why would I be jealous when I can look
at you and see this?" I gently stroke Sarah's newest ring, making her
giggle.
"If- if you hadn't found the ring," Sarah asks, "would you have bought one
yourself?"
"...Eventually," I say. "I don't know when, maybe after you graduated. Finding
the ring definitely 'forced the issue'..."
"Knew I should've picked a better hiding place than buried in a pile of
tights," Sarah giggles as she enhances her make-up ahead of our meal.
"I'm glad you didn't," I say, kissing Sarah on her newly-reddened lips.
After changing into a slinky, dark purple dress of my own, I follow Sarah
down to her car, and we soon find ourselves in a very fancy London
restaurant surrounded by virtually all of our friends.
"Every year," Jamie toasts. "'Mad week' just gets madder and madder. This
year, we celebrate no fewer than SIX of our friends. To Jon, for making it
through twenty-six years without dying or going mad- for the most part- to
Mary, for twenty-five years or the exact same thing, and to Hannah, for
twenty-three years of the same thing. To my amazing, awesome new fianc?
Stuart, for- not entirely metaphorically- growing a pair." I gaze over at
the young man, who is still clearly under the weather (not to mention
confined to a wheelchair) but happy following his operation, and smile at
the revelation that for the first time ever, he has in his trousers that
which I've wanted to be free from for the last eighteen and a half years.
"And last, but not least," Jamie announces. "To Nikki and Sarah, who will
both soon be blushing young brides!" Sarah and I both blush as everyone
around the table raises their glasses and loudly cheers.
"So then," Charlotte says to myself and Sarah. "Sounds like there's a lot of
bridesmaid spaces that need filling?"
"Give us a chance, we only got engaged yesterday!" Sarah laughs. "We're not
getting married for at least two years, we just want to sit back and enjoy
being engaged first."
"And it's not like we can't have, say, ten bridesmaids each," I say, making
Sarah nearly choke on her water.
"I think we just decided that it WON'T be a small ceremony," Sarah says,
making the whole table laugh as we celebrate through the afternoon and into
the early hours of the evening. All throughout the lunch, though, I can't
help but observe that Sarah isn't 100% happy- and when Katie and Lauren
leave early (citing a need to work on their uni projects), it becomes
immediately obvious why Sarah's unhappy.
The smile gradually returns to Sarah's face throughout the evening, and by
the time we head to bed- Sarah having also worked on her project throughout
the evening- she's positively buzzing with energy, and we once again end the
night in each other's arms, covered in each other's sweat, before falling
into a deep, deep sleep.
Once again, Sarah's alarm clock wakes me from a dreamless to sleep to find
that my fianc?e is already up and dressed for her day ahead.
"Morning, fianc?e!" Sarah giggles, giving me a long, deep kiss. "Didn't want
to waste any time, I've got an early lecture, I hope you understand..."
"Sure," I say, returning Sarah's kiss. "See you at lunch?"
"You'd better!" Sarah giggles, before slipping her feet into a pair of boots
very similar to the ones I wore last week, grabbing her handbag and heading
out of the door- after giving me one more kiss, of course. As I'm not needed
at work today I stay in bed until after 9am- listening to Beverly also leave
the house- before getting up, showering and dressing in a very plain long-
sleeved grey top, patterned black tights and a pleated dark grey miniskirt.
After pulling on a comfortable pair of flats- my feet have taken enough
punishment from heels and pointe shoes over the last week- I grab my handbag
and head home on the tube, greeting mum and Jenny with long hugs as I walk
through the front door.
"Hi Nikki," mum says as she releases me and lets me cuddle my baby sister.
"How did Beverly take the news?"
"She was happy for us," I say. "She was kinda cautious, which is
understandable I guess, I mean, Sarah IS her only child..."
"She should think of it as 'gaining a daughter-in-law', not 'losing a
daughter'," mum says. "That's certainly the way we're looking at it!"
"First you lost a son, now you're losing the same daughter," I say with a
chuckle.
"Noooo," mum says firmly. "As I said, I'm not losing a child, I'm gaining a
daughter-in-law! Besides, Sarah's practically family already..."
"Wonder if you'll say the same thing in twenty years when Jenny finds the
love of her life," I muse as I gently rock the giggling infant.
"As long as she finds a man- or woman- who makes her as happy as Sarah makes
you, then we'll be happy," mum says. I laugh as a thought, prompted by
Jamie's fianc?'s presence at lunch yesterday, pops into my head.
"What if Jenny decides in sixteen years to become 'Jonny'," I ask. "And HE
finds HIMself a man or woman?"
"If that's her decision, then we'll support her just as much as we supported
you," mum says. "Doubt that'll happen, though, she absolutely ADORES
everything girly. You know, every time I clean your room and take her in
there with me, she can't stop laughing? Reckon that when you get her in her
flower girl dress, she'll never take it off. You ARE making her flower girl,
right?"
"Well, duh?" I reply, making mum giggle. "Can't think of anyone better to be
the THIRD most beautiful girl at the ceremony..."
"Speaking of," mum says, getting out her phone. "Say cheese!"
"Ugh, why did I ever tell you about Instagram," I sigh as mum takes a
picture of me with my sister on my lap.
"Time for her feed," mum laughs as she takes Jenny from me. "On the subject
of food, I take it you're going to meet with Sarah at lunch?"
"Yep!" I say happily. "Should probably get going, just need to send a few
emails for work first."
"Well, give my love to Sarah when you see her," mum says, taking Jenny into
the kitchen and leaving me alone with my iPad. I head out a short while
later, again taking the tube to the London College of Fashion, where I find
my fianc?e sat at her usual lunch table with our old and new friends.
"Hey Nikkianc?e!" Sarah squeaks, jumping up and giving me a tight hug.
"Hey Sarahanc?e!" I giggle, returning Sarah's hug and giving her a kiss
before sitting down next to her.
"Oh my god, you two are STILL so cute," Katie gushes.
"I can't believe you're getting married!" Jacinta squeaks excitedly. "Show
me the rings! Show me the rings!" Sarah and I both giggle as we hold out our
left hands for Jacinta and Ophelia to inspect, making Jacinta sigh happily
as Ophelia remains her usual aloof self.
"It's still only just sinking in for me," Sarah says. "But it's back to
reality today, I guess..."
"Don't sound too disappointed, miss 'I've been waiting my whole life to go
to uni'!" Lauren teases Sarah, who giggles uncontrollably.
"I guess it's just like the whole weekend was an adrenaline rush," Sarah
sighs. "I mean, I'm still the same old me, I'm just engaged to be married to
the girl of my dreams!"
"Well, I'm sure we can keep the adrenaline levels up for you," Katie
giggles. "Though we will want something in return for this, say, a
bridesmaid's dress or two?"
"Oh my god," I giggle as I bury my face in my palms.
"Ugh," Sarah half-laughs, half-sighs. "Give us a chance, we only just got
engaged. Get a bridesmaid's dress now and it'll be hanging in your closet
for the next three years!"
"Gives me a chance to start working on designs, then!" Lauren says, making
Sarah and myself both groan again.
"Why get engaged, then?" Katie asks. "I mean, if you're not going to
immediately jump into planning your wedding- which is, of course, the most
fun part!"
"What, the wedding or the planning?" Sarah asks.
"Everything wedding-related!" Katie giggles. "That is the reason you got
engaged, right?"
"Not exactly, not the main reason," I say as I lean in closer to my fianc?e.
"The main reason I got engaged is called Sarah J. Phillips!"
"Aww, that is so, so sweet," Jacinta sighs as Sarah and I share a kiss.
"I mean, yeah, when I was younger, I'd literally dream of being a bride," I
say. "But now that I'm a teeny-tiny bit older, I realise that I'd rather be
a wife."
"Though she's settling for 'fianc?e' for the next few years!" Sarah says,
making me and the other girls giggle.
"So please," I say. "Talk about something that isn't a wedding, your
coursework, your next student party, whatever!" The whole table giggles
again as the other girls dutifully change the topic and start discussing the
morning's lectures, before leaving a short while later to return to their
classes. I take the opportunity to head home, where I start to realise what
Sarah said about the 'adrenaline rush'- after the excitement of the weekend,
the parties, telling our parents... Going back to work tomorrow will seem
almost- for want of a better word- boring by comparison.
"Afternoon, future wife of my future daughter-in-law!" Dad chuckles as I
walk through the front door and collapse on the sofa.
"Afternoon," I say tiredly.
"Oh please, lunch wasn't THAT tiring, was it?" Dad chuckles.
"No, that was the weekend," I say, making dad chuckle.
"Right, well it's Monday today and you've work tomorrow, so stop wilting!"
My father orders.
"Oh, what is this?" I ask. "Give me a break..."
"I can see that look on your face," dad says. "Even underneath the vast
amount of make-up you always slap on it."
"What look?" I ask.
"The look that says 'I can never be satisfied'," dad says.
"I AM satisfied," I moan. "I got my 'happy ending', didn't I? I got the
girl, didn't I?"
"Yes and yes," dad replies. "And now you've got nothing to obsess over and
it's a completely foreign experience for you."
"Oh- what the f- flip do you mean?" I ask, conscious of my baby sister
playing on the living room floor.
"Let's look back over your life," dad says, sitting back with an almost smug
look on his face. "Aged fourteen, you'd spend every weekend desperate to
reach the weekend and see Sarah, Aged 15, you were obsessed with growing
your hair and even more obsessed with Sarah. You were obsessive about
getting to your sixteenth birthday- I'll say no more about THAT one- you
were obsessed over your exams, over coming out to us, over your body
changing due to the hormones, you were stressed out about college, then
about leaving college, you were obsessive over reaching your eighteenth
birthday so you could propose, then you obsessed over proposing..."
"Point?" I ask.
"You've put all the stress, all the obsession, in the past where it
belongs," dad says. "You got your happy ending, you got the girl, so sit
back and relax! Enjoy it a little."
"I'm doing that exact thing," I retort. "Sarah and I aren't planning
anything to do with the wedding for the foreseeable future, we're just going
to enjoy being engaged."
"Your mouth says that," dad says, "but I know you. A month from now you'll
have tried on a hundred different wedding dresses. Or you'll obsess over
something else, maybe your 'final operation'..."
"So what if I do?" I ask. "It's my life, I'll live it at 100mph if I want..."
"...Living your life fast is fine," dad advised, "as long as you don't go
face-first into a brick wall."
"I haven't so far, have I?" I ask.
"You're still only eighteen," dad says. "You've already done so much... It
wouldn't hurt you to slow down a little."
"I've got sixteen years of life to make up for," I say. "Life I spent as a
gender I hated being."
"Looking at you now," dad says, "I'd have a hard time believing that you
were ever a boy. And I saw you for every single day of those sixteen years.
Trust me- you're doing fine on that regard."
"...Thanks," I say as dad smiles at me. "Do- do you ever miss having a son?"
"Whenever I do," dad says, "I always remind myself about the amazing
daughter I gained. Don't forget that before you were born, we would've been
happy with a boy or a girl. We just wish you'd told us earlier so we didn't
have to spend so much money on clothes that never got worn!" I let out a
long, happy giggle, before taking dad's advice and relaxing back on the
sofa, letting all my anxieties slip away. The more I think about it, the
more I realise that dad's right- I've been obsessing over the ring for so
long it feels weird to not obsess over it. But where dad's wrong is that the
obsession wasn't about the ring, it was about Sarah- and every question I
needed her to answer has been answered with the answer I wanted to hear. In
fact, every question I needed anyone to answer, about Sarah, my transition
or anything else, has been answered with the answer I wanted to hear.
My fianc?e returns home just after 4:30pm and immediately joins me on the
sofa, cuddling up next to me and convincing me even further that I have
nothing to worry or obsess about- unless you count 'enjoying a happy life'
as an obsession.
"Good day at uni?" I ask Sarah, who responds by cuddling herself even closer
to me.
"Just as amazing as always," Sarah replies.
"Still on an 'adrenaline crash'?" I ask, making my fianc?e giggle.
"A bit," Sarah laughs. "Once I got stuck into my work it got a little
better, it's like, you know, life goes on as normal, the only difference is
that we're engaged..."
"It IS a big difference," I say. "A big change..."
"But a change for the better," Sarah sighs happily.
"Do you have any work to do for tomorrow?" I ask Sarah, who smiles at me.
"A little," my fianc?e replies. "But it can wait for now." I smile at Sarah
as we relax back on the sofa and unwind watching TV. Sure enough, Sarah does
do a little work before we head to bed, but unlike last week, she lets me
help with every sentence she types, seeking my opinion before moving on,
even though I have nothing productive to contribute.
The following morning, for the first time in a while, I wake first,
showering, applying my make-up and pulling on my usual work 'uniform' all
before Sarah even begins to stir. As her beautiful blue eyes slowly open, I
crouch down next to her face and gently tease her nose with a soft kiss,
making her moan happily.
"Morning, fianc?e!" I whisper, making Sarah smile.
"Morning, fianc?e!" Sarah whispers, before giving me a long, soft kiss.
"Seeing what I mean by 'adrenaline crash' yet?"
"Truthfully, I was feeling it yesterday," I giggle as I stand up and
straighten my tights. "I mean, yes, I'm wearing the same old blouse, the
same old skirt, the same old heels... But NOT the same old jewellery!" Sarah
giggles as she stretches the tiredness out of her body and slowly slides out
from underneath the covers, smiling as she pads toward the bathroom. After
Sarah's showered and dressed, we head down to my car together where we spend
several minutes simply making out, both before we set off and as I drop her
off outside her university campus. After fixing my understandably-smudged
lipstick, I drive my car to my next destination- the posh suburban home of
my 'boss' for the day.
"Hey, birthday girl!" I say to Mary as she slides onto the passenger seat of
my car. "Did you have a good time in Belfast?"
"Good as always," Mary says, before pulling my left hand off of my
gearstick. "And look at you, Miss fianc?e! Couldn't have waited until I got
back before popping the question?"
"It's already on YouTube," I shrug, making Mary laugh. "And in truth, I'd
already waited so long... It really was starting to drive me crazy."
"Well I'm glad everything worked out," Mary says. "You and Sarah make such a
cute couple... Have you set a date yet? Have you picked bridesmaids? I've got
about twenty Pinterest boards full of bridal ideas, you're welcome to any of
them whenever you want..."
"Whoa, back up a little!" I giggle. "We only got engaged three days ago,
we're not planning on actually tying the knot for several years..."
"Have you at least picked out a church?" Mary asks.
"Know many churches that'll happily marry two women to each other?" I ask,
making Mary pause.
"Sure, that never even occurred to me," Mary chuckles. "I don't think of you
and Sarah as a lesbian couple, I just think of you as 'a couple'..."
"I mean yes," I sigh. "I'd love to get married in a big, fancy church... But
as long as Sarah's there, I don't really mind where I get married. Hell,
Charlotte's back yard would be more than fine, with Joshua or someone
performing the ceremony..."
"Joshua wouldn't," Mary says. "He's a devoted Anglican, he wouldn't get one
of those online ordinations... Krystie probably would, though. Stuart's also
an atheist, I think, so he wouldn't object either..."
"As I said," I laugh. "We've got plenty of time to think about this. Not
getting married until I've had my SRS and Sarah's graduated."
"Sorry, sorry," Mary laughs. "It's just so exciting, first Viks, then Jamie,
now you... Sure, your wedding's going to have two brides in it! That means
plenty of bridesmaid spaces up for grabs, right?"
"Please, can we change the subject?" I say, making Mary laugh.
"Come on," the Irishwoman giggles. "Surely you love chatting about weddings
and dresses and all things girly?"
"More than anything," I sigh. "I just- I just can't afford to get obsessed
yet again..."
"Eh, it's your wedding," Mary shrugs. "Are you at least going to have a
proper engagement party?"
"Now THAT I'm happy to talk about!" I say, making Mary giggle yet again as
we head to her place of work for today, where we remain until long into the
afternoon as Mary models dozens of bikinis and one-piece swimsuits (several
of which she turns over to me at the end of the shoot). After dropping Mary
off at her home, I head straight to Sarah's house, arriving just after
3:30pm. Finding myself alone in the house, I break out my personal iPad and
open up the Pinterest app, quickly finding Mary's numerous wedding-related
boards.
As I scroll through all the images, though, it quickly dawns on me just what
a massive undertaking the wedding will be. In addition to the venue, the
minister, the dresses, the bridesmaids, the bridesmaids' dresses, I have to
worry about the reception, the cake, the invitations, the place settings,
the decorations of the reception venue, the flowers, my hair, my make-up, my
nails, Sarah's hair, Sarah's make-up, Sarah's nails... It slowly begins to
dawn on me just why most eighteen year olds don't immediately jump into
getting married. Hell, I'm beginning to think that even with the three years
we've given ourselves, we won't have enough time to plan this wedding,
especially with Sarah spending most of her free time on her studies...
"Hey, fianc?e!" Sarah giggles as she returns from university and cuddles up
next to me on the sofa. "Good day at work?"
"Yeah," I sigh. "Long day, though..."
"Aww, poor you," Sarah coos mockingly. "Having to hang out all day with
supermodels, having to take home an armful of cute swimsuits..."
"...That I won't get to wear for ages as it's October," I retort, making Sarah
giggle. "Mary was excited about the engagement, obviously."
"As she should be," Sarah says. "What are you looking at on your iPad? Is
that Pinterest?"
"Yeah," I say. "Mary's Pinterest, actually. She recommended I look at it for
wedding ideas."
"We have three years to worry about it!" Sarah laughs. "There's no rush yet,
surely?"
"...You'd have thought," I sigh. "There- there's so much to look into, so much
to plan..."
"...All of which can wait!" Sarah insists. "It's not like either of us are
going anywhere. Just look at my left hand if you need any further proof.
You- you still want to get married, right? Because if you're having doubts
now-"
"No doubts," I say firmly. "I want to marry you. I want to BE married to
you, and everything that entails..."
"...Including getting our own place?" Sarah asks, making me stand up from the
sofa and stretch my body out to relieve the tension.
"...Okay," I say. "We- we have moved too fast, haven't we?"
"If you're having second thoughts, it's only natural," Sarah whispers. "Even
if we forget the wedding there's so much we need to do, we still need to
tell our grandparents, I need to tell my dad..."
"I'm not having second thoughts about loving you," I say. "Not about wanting
to marry you, I'll ALWAYS be certain about that. It's just..."
"You don't need to say it," Sarah says. "I know what you mean. It's too much
to think about right now, we're in too deep..."
"I don't want to cancel the engagement," I say. "No way, not ever. I don't
want us to go backwards..."
"...But that doesn't mean we have to keep pushing forwards," Sarah says. "If
we stretch out this metaphor a bit further... I like it where we are now. So
how about this- for the next 365 days, we don't do, say or even think a
single thing about our wedding. We just stay where we are, in our comfort
zone, and enjoy being together as fianc?es. Deal?"
"Three hundred and sixty-SIX days," I retort. "It's a leap year next year."
"366 days it is!" Sarah says as I return to the sofa and wrap myself around
my fianc?e, my father's caution of not becoming 'obsessed' floating around
my mind as I know the next 366 days may well be the longest year of my life...
Sarah and I spend the rest of the evening on the sofa, Sarah catching up
with uni work whilst I catch up with Netflix. Beverly is understandably
pleased to hear about our 'wedding ban' when she returns from work, calling
our decision 'very mature'- which for her is a very high compliment. As
Sarah and I head to bed, our bodies entwined, all I can think about is how
much I adore Sarah, and how there's nowhere I'd rather be than in her arms.
"Do you, Nicola Christine Thomas," the minister says boldly, "take this
woman, Sarah Jennifer Phillips, to be your lawfully wedded wife?"
"I do," I say, my voice trembling with nerves.
"And do you, Sarah Jennifer Phillips," the minister says, turning to face
Sarah. "Take this woman, Nicola Christine Thomas, to be your lawfully wedded
wife?"
"I do," Sarah whispers. "In 366 days' time." I stare at Sarah's beautiful
face as time seems to stand still, and I sigh heavily as I realise that
nothing that's happening is real.
"This is a dream!" I yell, causing the minister, the church, the
congregation and Sarah herself to melt into nothingness as I slowly open my
eyes to find myself in bed with my fianc?e, our arms loosely wrapped around
each other. I sigh heavily as I rest my head back on the pillow and try to
get back to sleep, but the thin streams of sunlight poking through Sarah's
curtains tells me that I'll be getting up in mere minutes anyway, even
though Sarah's not at university today and I won't be at work until the
afternoon.
Sure enough, Sarah's alarm clock rings a mere half hour later, making Sarah
scrunch up her face as she blinks herself back into consciousness.
"Morning, fianc?e," I whisper, giving Sarah a soft, quick kiss.
"Mmm, morning, fianc?e," Sarah tiredly sighs, returning my kiss.
"Time to get up," I say. "Unless you're planning on skipping ballet two
weeks in a row and REALLY pissing off Krystie..."
"She wasn't THAT annoyed," Sarah says as she swings her smooth, bare legs
out of bed and pads toward her shower. "Oh, and I spoke to Jacinta and
Ophelia about it yesterday too."
"Cool!" I reply. "What did they say?"
"Ophelia gave me a cryptic, random reply that I wasn't sure was a 'yes' or a
'no'," Sarah shouts over the sound of roaring hot water.
"Fancy that," I reply, making Sarah giggle. "And Jacinta?"
"She seems really up for it," Sarah replies. "Especially when I told her
she'd have to wear a leotard to class."
"She's only been transitioning a year," I say. "Anything ultra-feminine like
that's bound to appeal to her."
"Yeah, kinda reminds me of someone," Sarah says, kissing me and giggling as
I take her place under the shower.
"Reckon they'd be interested in coming along this morning?" I ask. "To
observe, I mean. I'd really like to get to know the two of them better,
especially Jacinta..."
"I would say 'should I be jealous' but I know for a fact that she only likes
men," Sarah retorts, making me giggle. "And I'm glad you want to be friends
with my friends. It'll make picking-"
"366 days!" I yell, silencing my fianc?e.
"...Sorry," Sarah mumbles in a quiet, meek voice. "I was going to say 'It'll
make picking teams for the student union pub quiz easier'."
"THAT's the best you could come up with?" I ask as I step out of the shower
with towels wrapped around my hair and my chest.
"Give me a break," Sarah sighs. "I only just got up..." Sarah stares at me
with a mock 'hurt' face, but all it causes me to do is break down in a fit
of giggles, with my fianc?e following suit mere seconds later. Once we've
composed ourselves, and I've had a chance to blow-dry my hair, we get
dressed for the day, slipping our soft, hairless legs into pink tights
before stretching tight black leotards across our bodies. After applying a
light layer of make-up and tying each other's hair back into tight
ponytails, we both pull on knee-length grey sweater dresses and black flats
before heading down to Sarah's car, saying goodbye to Sarah's mother as we
leave.
After a short drive, Sarah and I open the doors to Krystie's dance studio
and our cheeks immediately start to blush as we see all of our friends
waiting for us inside with wide smiles on their faces. All the girls
spontaneously burst into a round of applause once they see us, and eagerly
show off the fact that they're all wearing pink t-shirts over their leotards
that are emblazoned with a red, glittery heart, the centre of which has a
big, fancy 'N' and a big, fancy 'S'.
"Here comes the brides..." Krystie playfully sings as Sarah and I strip off
our dresses and tie our ballet slippers to our feet.
"Here come the shirts!" Jamie squeaks, handing both t-shirts that are
identical to the ones the other girls are wearing.
"Seriously?" Sarah asks as she pulls the shirt on over her leotard. "You
didn't go this mental for your engagement..."
"That came out of the blue," Jamie explains. "We've had these shirts in
storage for almost two months!"
"Along with a couple of other things you'll see at the end of the lesson..."
Krystie teases, before ushering everyone into the dance studio, our t-shirts
still firmly in place.
"Girls," Krystie announces once the class is all lined up at the barre, "I'm
sure you've all noticed a change in uniform for today... And I of course DON'T
mean the t-shirts, I mean the sparkling rings two of our younger classmates
are wearing today!" Sarah and I both blush as we hold up our left hands,
showing off our engagement rings.
"Are we dancing today, or just cooing over people's rings?" I ask, making
everyone chuckle.
"I'd be happy to just coo over rings all day," Katie says, making everyone
giggle.
"No, no, let's get this thing started," Krystie chuckles, starting the music
on her iPod as we begin our stretches and warm-ups. An hour later, after
we've finished our pointe exercises, I start to head for the exit to get
changed, only to be suddenly stopped by our teacher.
"Whoa, whoa whoa whoa," Krystie giggles. "Not so fast, I've got a little
surprise for you two..." Sarah and I watch, our cheeks once again flushed with
embarrassment, as Krystie removes two beautiful, long white tutus from her
storage closet and hands them to us, along with two sparkling silver tiaras.
Within five minutes, Sarah and I have changed into the beautiful creations,
and are dancing a brief routine choreographed by Krystie, ending with the
two of us kneeling down next to each other, holding each other's hands.
Sarah and I both giggle before giving each other a quick kiss, much to the
delight of the other girls.
"Three hundred and sixty-SEVEN days?" I ask Sarah, who simply sighs and
giggles.
"Come on, let's get changed," Sarah sighs, leading me to the dressing room
where I change back into my sweater dress.
"Aww, that was such a cute dance!" Jamie giggles as she joins myself and
Sarah in the dressing room. "You know, I reckon Krystie wouldn't object if
you DO choose those tutus as your wedding dresses..."
"We would object!" Sarah says, making Jamie giggle even more.
"Okay, fair enough, fair enough," Jamie laughs. "Oh, I'd thought we'd have
your engagement party on Friday this week, that way Hannah can attend, is
that okay with you?"
"Sure, but I'm at work with Viks all day Friday," I say.
"I'm not going to expect you to help set up your own party!" Jamie giggles.
"I'll sort it all out, don't worry. Though I trust you'll have everything
ready for tonight?"
"Of course, that IS part of what you pay me for!" I giggle.
"I'll try to be there," Sarah says. "Depends on uni work... Don't really want
to leave my new friends in the lurch by skipping off to a celebrity party,
you know."
"Well obviously bring them along on Friday," Jamie shrugs. "It's your party,
you invite who you want!" Sarah giggles happily as she finishes changing
back into her sweater dress, before pulling on her flats and giving me a
long, slow kiss.
"I'll see you later," my fianc?e says, before heading to her car and driving
away with Katie and Lauren in tow.
"Need me to drop you home?" Jamie asks as she gets in her own car.
"Umm, no thanks," I reply. "I'm not heading immediately home..."
Less than an hour later, I step through the front door of my counsellor's
office and am greeted with a wide smile when she sees the ring on my left
hand.
"Nikki!" Dr Williamson says in a near-giggle. "That's a very nice ring... I
can tell we have a lot to talk about today, but I can already tell you look
a lot happier than you did last week."
"It's like a massive weight's been lifted from me," I say as I sit down,
smoothing my short dress over my thighs. "No more pussyfooting around the
subject of the ring, it's all out in the open, me and Sarah are engaged, at
long last!"
"Well, congratulations, to both of you," Dr Williamson says.
"One thing we've both noticed, though," I say. "Is that we're both on kind-
of a 'comedown', you know, it's like 'we're engaged now- what next?' That
sort of thing."
"I get what you're saying," Dr Williamson says.
"All our friends are going bonkers, of course," I sigh. "Throwing us
engagement parties, talking about dresses and bridesmaids..."
"I would advise against rushing into actual marriage in the same way you
rushed into getting engaged," Dr Williamson advises.
"Oh, we're way ahead of you," I say. "We don't want to get married until
after my SRS and Sarah's graduation. It's just- now we're engaged, it's like
we're expected to talk about our wedding every second of every day."
"It's understandable that your friends are excited," Dr Williamson says.
"I'm guessing that you're the first of your friends of your age group to get
engaged?"
"Safe guess," I reply, making my counsellor laugh.
"Yes, yes it is," Dr Williamson chuckles. "But it will make your friends
excited, that's the point. The excitement will die down soon, but it's up to
you and Sarah to not let it get on top of you, to act maturely and not make
any rash decisions."
"Like eloping?" I ask, making Dr Williamson snort with laughter again.
"Yes, that would probably be top of the 'most rash' list," the middle-aged
woman confirms.
"We've actually set ourselves a sort-of 'rule," I say. "No wedding
discussion for the next 366 days, just relaxing, sitting back being engaged...
Dad says I have a kind-of 'obsessive' personality, I guess he's not wrong..."
"That's an overly simplified way of putting it," Dr Williamson says. "But
you do have a habit of clinging onto a thought, or a feeling tighter than is
perhaps healthy. Part of the 'comedown' you described may be because you've
finally 'loosened your grip' on the obsession over the ring."
"Dad said the same thing," I mumble.
"Smart man," Dr Williamson chuckles. "But as I said, what's important now is
that you don't jump into a new obsession or make any rash decisions."
"...And I assume you're able to help me there?" I ask.
"Of course," Dr Williamson confirms. I smile as I get out my notebook and
start jotting down the words of wisdom my counsellor supplies over the next
hour. As I prepare to leave at the end of my session, however, I'm stopped
by my counsellor, who has a serious look on her face.
"One last thing," Dr Williamson says, her facial expression more awkward
than I've ever seen her. "When you were discussing your wedding, you
mentioned postponing it until after your SRS... I assume you are still
committed to undergoing SRS?"
"Of course," I say.
"It's just that you've been fully transitioning for well over two years," Dr
Williamson continues. "That is the minimum amount of time we recommend
people live full-time in their acquired gender before thinking about
surgery. Technically, you could start the referral process for SRS whenever
you're ready." I open my mouth to respond, but this news has taken me
completely by shock. SRS was always a long-term goal of mine, but it always
seemed more like a fantasy, an aspiration to try to reach toward... It never
occurred to me before now that SRS is finally within- or at least, starting
to come toward- my reach.
"Umm, but I'm only eighteen," I feebly retort.
"That didn't stop you from getting engaged," Dr Williamson says. "You've
shown over the past two years that you're serious about living and working
full-time as a woman, and that you've left your life as a boy completely in
the past. Obviously, you'd need a second opinion, but I personally believe
that you'd be a good candidate for SRS. Obviously, not everyone who
transitions ultimately ends up having SRS, but-"
"This is something I need to think a little more about," I say, cutting off
my counsellor.
"Okay," Dr Williamson says, clearly taken aback by my abruptness. "Well
obviously there's no rush, as you say, you ARE only eighteen, many people
don't undergo SRS until they're in their thirties or forties- your friend
Stuart, for example, was transitioning for nine years before undergoing SRS,
and from what I gather he lives a full life as a man."
"...Can we, um, issue a moratorium on my SRS as well, please?" I ask. "At
least until I get a chance to look into it more myself... Say five months,
until my birthday?"
"Of course," Dr Williamson says. "But you're welcome to break your
'moratorium' anytime you need to talk, and that includes by phone or email."
"Thanks," I say with a smile, before saying goodbye to the middle-aged woman
who's been a constant source of support over the last three years. After
getting the tube back home, I drop off my dance bag and exchange my sweater
dress and leotard for the short pencil skirt, white blouse and stiletto
heels I've worn to work for the last year, before heading downstairs and
being greeted by smiles from my mother and my sister.
"If you weren't 'back to reality' yesterday, you certainly are today!" Mum
giggles as I kiss her and Jenny goodbye. A short drive later, I find myself
outside yet another dance studio, inside which is my boss for the day- a
woman who is rapidly becoming a beloved national celebrity, but who still
launches herself at me and wraps me in a tight hug the second she sees me
poke my head around the studio door.
"Nikki Nikki Nikki!" Hannah squeaks as she bounces up and down, forcing me
to also bounce with her. "Show me the ring! Quick!" I sigh as I hold out my
left hand for Hannah and her dance partner Robin, both of whom coo happily.
"Stop fussing over me when you're my employer," I giggle, making the pair
laugh. "Especially when it's your birthday, too!"
"Yeah, but I'm not ENGAGED!" Hannah giggles. "Now that you're here, want to
dance with Robin?"
"Umm... Is that appropriate?" I ask, making Hannah and Robin pause briefly.
"I don't see why not," Robin says hesitantly, obviously as surprised by
Hannah's offer as I was.
"Yeah," Hannah says. "I mean, you've got your certificate, and everything..."
"Oh, no, that's not what I meant," I say, chuckling as I realise what the
two people mean. "I mean because, well, you're my boss, and you need
practice..."
"Thanks for your use of the word 'need'!" Hannah giggles.
"We're honestly doing fine, I don't mind," Robin chuckles. "She's already
palmed me off onto her other friends when they've been here, and you're at
least the right height!" I giggle as Robin offers me his hand, which I take
and immediately twirled onto the dancefloor, clinging onto the handsome
young man as he whirls me around the floor in a simple- but still
technically brilliant- waltz.
"You're going to need practice for the first dance at your reception,
anyway!" Hannah giggles from the side of the room, making me sigh and roll
my eyes. Even here I can't escape from wedding planning...
After the dance, I wait at the side of the room for Hannah and Robin to
finish practice for their salsa dance- and from what I can tell, they are
every bit as good as Robin claimed. Once they've finished their practice, I
drive the two of them back to Charlotte's house for Hannah's birthday party,
which, unsurprisingly, has a 'Strictly Come Dancing' theme. The six 'main'
Angels- Charlotte, Jamie, Krystie, Mary, Viks and, of course, Hannah
herself- all take it turns dancing with Robin as cameras record them for
both their reality TV show and for the Strictly Come Dancing support show on
BBC2.
I, however, remain on the side-lines with the other guests, watching in my
relatively plain Sarah-made cocktail dress as the 'real' Angels get to have
fun in their elaborate bespoke dance dresses. I'm not alone, of course-
there are plenty of people for me to mingle with- but Katie and Lauren
aren't at the party, and Sarah only drops by briefly to say hi to Hannah and
drop off our present to her (a bespoke dress, unsurprisingly) before giving
me a kiss and heading back to her 'coursework party' with the other girls.
And as fancy and flashy as this celebrity party is, as privileged as I- an
eighteen year old girl- feel for being invited to the party... A part of me
really wishes I was leaving with Sarah.
Nonetheless, I stay at the party until just past 11pm before heading home
and collapsing straight into my bed, exhausted after a long day and needing
to rest ahead of another very long day tomorrow. As always, after my alarm
goes off, I wake up, shower, apply my make-up and change into my work
clothes before saying goodbye to mum and Jenny and getting into my car. This
morning I'm not working with an Angel, but have instead been 'loaned' to Out
of Heaven, the girl band managed by the same agency as the Angels. Even
though I'm not particularly close with any of the five girls, even they make
repeated demands to see my ring, cooing over it even as I'm escorting them
to their dressing room ahead of their photoshoot.
The photoshoot lasts until late into the afternoon, by which point all six
of us are exhausted from the day's efforts. Whilst a part of me envies the
girls for their fame, and the fact that they're in front of the camera
whilst I'm off to one side, a larger part of me is grateful to have a job
that I both enjoy and am skilled at- even as the girls continue to pester me
about my ring as I drop them at their homes in the bright pink London cab
owned by the agency. After dropping the last of the girls off, I return the
cab to the agency and get back in my own car (which obviously wasn't big
enough to carry six people), which I drive straight to the now-very familiar
car park of the London College of Fashion.
I only sit waiting in the car for ten minutes before my passenger door opens
and Sarah- and her bulging bag of books- slides onto the seat next to me
with a tired smile on her face.
"Hey, fianc?e!" Sarah giggles, giving me a slow kiss before I drive us away.
"Long day?"
"Yeah," I sigh. "Still, for both of us it's just one more day until the
weekend!"
"And our engagement party!" Sarah squeaks happily. "And yes, I asked Jacinta
and Ophelia, and they're both really looking forward to it!"
"Whatever happened to '367 days'?" I ask.
"Three hundred and sixty-EIGHT days," Sarah sighs. "And it's celebrating our
'engagement', has nothing to do with the 'W' word, so it doesn't count
toward it!"
"368 days?" I ask. "Isn't that supposed to be counting DOWN, not up?"
"Ugh," Sarah spits. "Lauren spent the whole of lunch talking about
bridesmaids' dresses..."
"Maybe we should get a swear jar going," I chuckle. "Only instead of foul
language it can be any mention of the 'W' word..."
"Bit drastic," Sarah giggles. "And I suppose it couldn't hurt to do a LITTLE
planning... Almost wish I'd never bought that ring now..."
"I know it sounds bad," I whisper, "but I kind-of wish that too..."
"Whatever," Sarah says dismissively. "The important thing is that we asked
each other, we both said 'yes', so we ARE getting married... But when WE say
we are."
"Hell yeah!" I giggle as I drive us toward my home, which I arrive at to
find two old, familiar cars parked on the street outside. I take several
deep, nervous breaths before exiting the car and gripping the hand of the
woman I love.
"Remember," Sarah says firmly. "There was nothing they could do about the
girl you are, there's nothing they can do about this either." I nod as I
enter the house to find not just my sister and my parents, but all four of
my grandparents as well. I greet both my grandmothers with hugs, but for
both grandfathers the greeting is limited to just a handshake. In
particular, Grandpa Steven- the one I argued with on the Jeremy Kyle Show
last year- barely seems able to look at me.
"It's been a while since we were all sat in the same room," Grandpa Bill- my
mother's father- remarks. "Jenny's christening, if I remember rightly..."
"And before that, it was May two years ago," Grandpa Steven says in a gruff
voice, making me wince. "Why do I get the feeling we're going to get another
bombshell?"
"Not a 'bombshell'," mum says, silencing her father-in-law. "Just good news.
Great, great news."
"Nikki?" Dad says, focussing my grandparents' gazes on me. I take a deep
breath and clear my hand.
"It's about me and Sarah," I say, unlinking my hand from Sarah's and showing
off my new ring. "We- we're getting married." A brief pause fills the room,
before Nanna Jean- my maternal grandmother- slowly rises from the sofa and
comes over to me and Sarah, giving us both a tight, loving hug.
"Wonderful, wonderful news!" My grandmother beams. "Isn't it wonderful news,
Bill?"
"Umm, yes, I suppose it is!" Grandpa Bill says, stuttering as his wife puts
him on the spots. "But aren't you both a little young? You're only
eighteen..."
"That still makes us adults," I retort. "And we've both had the rings a
while... We're not going to rush into marriage itself, we're going to wait
until after Sarah's graduated and I've- um, well, we're going to wait until
Sarah's graduated, so 2018 or 2019..."
"We'll be almost eighty by then!" Nanna Jean chuckles. "Don't keep us
waiting too long!"
"Mum?" Dad asks, staring pointedly at his own parents. "Dad? Is there
something you'd like to say to Nikki and Sarah?"
"Umm," Grandpa Steven says, awkwardly rising from his sofa. "Umm,
congratulations Nikki, congratulations Sarah..." I can't help but bristle
slightly as my grandfather gives both of us an awkward hug, as does Grandma
Irene, who remains silent.
"Well," mum says, breaking the awkward silence. "I don't know about anyone
else, but I feel this news deserves to be celebrated! Anyone for champagne?"
"Absolutely!" Nanna Jean says with a wide grin. "None for your father
though, he's driving!"
"Mum? Dad?" Dad asks his parents.
"Umm, well, we should..." Grandpa Steven mumbles.
"One glass won't hurt!" Grandma Irene says, forcing her husband back onto
the sofa as Sarah and I giggle excitedly. "And that is a beautiful beautiful
ring, Nikki! Sarah, that must have cost you a packet!"
"Your granddaughter's marrying into money," Sarah shrugs, making everyone in
the room chuckle.
"Just as long as she's marrying into love and happiness, that's enough for
me!" Nanna Jean says as mum hands her- and everyone except my two
grandfathers- a glass of cool, bubbly champagne.
My grandparents stay for the next hour and a half, regaling us with tales of
their own weddings in the 1960s and my parents' wedding in the 1990s, before
departing (taking the time to coo over Jenny first, of course) and leaving
myself and Sarah on the sofa, worn out from the day but excited about
tomorrow- particularly our party tomorrow evening!
I have a smile on my face as my alarm clock wakes me at 7:15am and I unwrap
myself from around Sarah's body, pulling on my work clothes for the fina