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"Can I wear this one?" The soft voice below me came from my younger brother, Cameron. He was standing beside me holding one of my stockings in his little hand. Mom and I had just finished dressing and he had watched, as he always did, as we slid our hose up our legs and attached them to the garters. I had stood up to touch up my mascara one more time, before I put on my dress over my slip. It wasn't unusually for Cam to hang around us, as we were a tight knit family and it was just the three of us. He was holding the stocking I had cast aside when I saw it had a run in it. Although our 'date night' was just going to be the three of us staying home and watching TV, we always treated it as if were actually going out. I know it seems a little silly, but Mom liked to do things to keep us distracted from how poor we really were. So every Friday night was date night. Usually we'd do some kind of special dinner and watch our TV shows together. Once a month, we'd actually eat out at a neighborhood diner and then go on to a movie or bowling, something we could all do and would still be inexpensive. It was our way of breaking the dull routine of our lives. Mom was still quite young, being only 32. She had met our father in high school and got pregnant with me, accidentally. The times being what they were, they got married of course. Things were fine, I guess for the first few years, but after she unexpectedly got pregnant with my brother things changed. Cam was born a few months prematurely and the added stress and expenses caused their weak marriage to fail and he left. Cam was healthy, and normal, but he was always small for his age and it was clear he'd never be a strapping masculine guy. Mom never complained as she loved him with all her heart. The failure of their marriage required her to take a job and then a second one to make sure we could survive. At first, her mother watched us while Mom worked, but when she passed away, Mom entrusted me, at all of eight years old to watch my younger brother. He was only three and readily did everything I told him to do. So for the past seven years it had been the two of us most of the time. No matter how much Mom worked, she made sure Friday nights were free. That was the one time of the week reserved just for us. As I became a teenager and wanted to 'grow up', the two of us began our ritual where we would put on our best clothes, do our hair and make-up, as if we were going out on dates with two handsome men. Cam always watched us go through our routines and I guess wanted to be like his two 'best friends'. When Mom heard his question, she turned and looked at him, smiling. "No Cameron, that one is torn. That's why Bonnie put it down. Besides, your legs are too short for such a long stocking. You can just wear your nice blue dress pants, okay? Tonight we are going to Clyde's for the blue plate special and then we're going to the movies. You do want to see Fantasia, right?" He looked at her and then down at the silky stocking in his hand. I could see the confusion on his face as he tried to see what was wrong with the stocking. I could tell he wanted to wear it, so he could be like me and his mother Doreen. But he soon looked back up at her, smiled back, nodding his head. Even though he was still little, he knew this was our big night out. He'd be able to talk to the other kids about the movie he had seen over the weekend. So he hurried to his room to put on his one pair of dress pants. I looked over at Mom, and smiled. She always seemed to have the right answer. It was later in the week, when she and I were doing our weekly grocery shopping, that I saw them. I had just pushed the cart down the aisle, as Mom gathered the items on her list. At the end of the aisle was a bin of discount items, usually things that were old or going out of season. Nestled at the edge of the bin was a package of white tights. The kind young girls wore in the summer. These had ruffles across the bottom and were light weight. They sold well during the season, but now that we were in late fall they would not be useful during the cold winter, so they were priced real cheap. I picked them up and checking the size held them up for Mom to see. "Mom, look at these. They are just like the pairs you used to buy for me every spring, for Easter Sunday." She turned her head and looked at what I was holding up. Smiling back, she answered me. "Yes, you loved wearing them. But now, you won't wear anything but nylons will you?" "They look like they would be the right size for Cameron. And they are only 59 cents on sale." I stopped, letting the implied question hang in the air. We had both seen how Cameron looked at us when we got dressed and I could tell he felt left out. It was like Mom and I were closer because we got to dress alike. He had to dress differently, even though he wanted to be like us. Cam had no male figures to emulate. His father never came around and his grandfather was dead. The only older figures he had to look up to, were Mom, me, and the female teachers at school. I held the tights in my hand just a minute longer, when finally she responded. "Why not. Cameron could use something for date night. He never gets to wear anything but those old blue chinos and their almost too short for him now. Put them in the cart." On the way home, Mom looked at me, glancing my way as she drove. "Bonnie, you still have that white, blue and yellow dress you wore to your aunt's wedding in your closet don't you? I know it is too small for you now, but what do you think about Cam. Do you think it would fit him?" "Oh, yes. I think it would. Can we let him try it this Friday? It would go perfectly with his new tights. I know he'd love it." "I don't see why not. I mean we're just having Shake-n-Bake chicken and watching the western shows on TV. Let's see if he wants to get ready for a date too." The idea that Cameron would get to dress up for this Friday, made me feel good. I often saw how he looked when we got ready, so I figured this would be a great treat. We decided not to say anything till then. The week went by as usual, I made a good grade on my math test, Cameron passed both his spelling test and his geography quiz, and Mom had a big tip night at her second job. We were all in a good mood. When Friday came, Mom and I took our showers and then let Cam take his bath. He had just finished drying off and had gone to his room to get dressed with a towel wrapped around his waist. I followed him in and he looked up at me. I was already in my slip with my hair done, just needing to touch up my makeup. I was carrying a bag in one hand and my old dress in the other. He watched as I hung up the dress on his closet door knob and opened the bag. I put the tights, still in their plastic wrapping and a pair of my older, too small for me now, panties on the bed. His eyes widened as he looked at me. I smiled back. "Hurry up and get dressed, okay? The chicken is almost done." I picked up the tights and showed them to him. "Do you need any help with these, or do you know how to put them on?" His face broke out in the biggest grin I had seen since last Christmas morning. "I know how. I watched you and Mom. You roll them up in a ball, point your toes as you put them in, and slowly pull them up your legs. Mom says you have to go slow and smooth, so you don't rip them, right?" "Yes Cam, that is exactly right. I also gave you a pair of my panties. They are a bit small for me and I thought they'd look better than your white cotton briefs. When you have the dress on, come out and I'll zip you up." I turned and left the room, wanting to cheer. I had worried after we decided to do this, that he might be scared. But he was so excited. I loved seeing him so happy. I went to my bedroom and put on my dress. I then went to the bathroom to touch up my mascara and he popped out of his room within minutes. His face seemed like one huge smile and two sparkling eyes. I looked at him and smiled back. "It looks like the dress fits fine. Turn around and I'll zip you up. Did you have any problems with your tights?" "No Bonnie, they went on easy. I love the way they make my legs feel, kind of like they are being hugged. You know what I mean?" He lifted up the front of his dress. I could see he had the hose up to his waist and the flowery panties on underneath them. I nodded my head to let him know it looked right and then laughed. I liked that he was enjoying this moment. I finished zipping his dress and turned him around. I could see it was just a little tight in the waist, but he could probably wear it for few months if he wanted to. I glanced down at his bare feet, visible through the sheer tights. I just wish he could wear my shoes, but his feet were too small. "Cam I know just what you mean. There is something special about wearing hose on your legs. Now hold still. Mom said I could let you use my lip gloss if you want." "Oh yes, but how about your other makeup? You and Mom use stuff all over your face." "Not yet, you are too young for more makeup. But I tell you what, if you want, I'll ask Mom if I can show you how to put it on. That way, when you are older you can wear it if you still want to." "Oh that would be wonderful. I think you are the best sister ever." He gave me a big hug and then stepped back so I could coat his lips with the shiny lip gloss. We went into the kitchen for dinner. He was so eager to show Mom his new outfit. She had just taken the chicken out of the oven and had bowls of mashed potatoes, green beans, and biscuits to finish the meal. Even though we had simple food, she did her best to make sure it was enough to keep us full. When she saw Cam in my old dress she smiled, small at first but then bigger as she saw how happy he was. "Cameron you look darling. You are just as fancy as Bonnie and I now. I can tell you are almost ready for date night. But you need something on your feet so you don't snag your new tights. Go to my room and you can wear my pink house slippers." He ran off to get the slippers. She looked at me and seemed happy, but a little concerned. "Bonnie, do you think this is okay? I mean to let him dress up like a girl. He's so young, that I don't think it should be a big deal, but still I worried about it after I suggested we let him put on your old dress." "Oh Mom, don't worry. Kids his age play dress up all the time. Besides, he is so happy. I think he feels like he is part of our little group now, you know what I mean?" She nodded her head indicating that she understood my point exactly. The rest of the night was like our other date nights, only Cameron was more involved and talkative than before. It was like his new clothes had allowed him to participate more. That night when we got undressed, I showed him how to wash out his tights and we hung them in the bathroom with Mom and my stockings. The rest of the week, Cameron continued on like he had before, playing with his toys and being a typical 8-year old boy. On Thursday night as Mom tucked him into bed, he looked up at her. "Mom, tomorrow is date night, right? Am I going to get to wear my dress again?" "Sure if you want to, I mean. You feel okay about wearing a girl's dress?" "Oh yes! I love the way it looks and I've been waiting all week to put on my tights again. It makes me feel closer to you and Bonnie somehow. Is that okay?" "Of course. They are just clothes anyhow. Well get to sleep now honey." Friday afternoon when Cameron came home, he couldn't wait to take his bath, a big change from his normal protests. But tonight he knew he would get to dress up again. Because he was so eager, I let him take his before we got our showers. I knew he wanted to wear his date clothes as soon as possible. This time, he had all of his things so I let him get cleaned up and dressed without any help. But as before he came out with his dress on to be zipped up. He asked Mom if he could borrow her slippers again, but was shocked when she said no. The crestfallen look on his face disappeared when she told him to look in the small bag by her purse in the living room. He hurried to it and I heard a joyful squeal and then the sounds of shoes on our hardwood floor. When he reappeared, he showed off a pair of shiny black patent ballet flats with a ?-inch heel. I looked over at Mom who was putting the tuna casserole in the oven. "I thought if he was going to wear such a pretty dress, he needed his own shoes. I found these at the second-hand store near work. They were just a $1.50. How do they fit Cameron? Are they too tight?" "No, they're perfect and so pretty. I love how they shine. So these are mine too? I feel like Christmas has come early, with all my new clothes. I wish it was date night every night, so I could wear them all the time." I looked over at Mom, who had a small smile on her face. I knew she felt like we suffered because of our limited finances, so being able to generate such joy in Cam for such a small price had to make her feel happy. The rest of the evening was just as much fun as last week, only I noticed that Cameron was much more eager to clear the table and help put the dishes away after we cleaned up. I think he liked having an excuse to walk around in his new shoes, hearing the click of the leather heels on the hardwood floors. As he was getting ready for bed, I went to Mom's room to talk. "Mom, Cam's getting undressed now and I wanted to ask you something. He mentioned to me that he loved wearing his dress and new shoes and wished he could every day. Would it be wrong to give him some of my other old clothes? I have a couple of skirt and blouse outfits that were among my most favorite looks. I've not given them to you when you'd gather clothes to trade at the thrift store, because they were special to me. I'm sure they would fit him. I thought maybe he could wear them during the week, after school, while we did our homework and chores. Also, I have a little nightgown with bloomer panties that I don't really use. I could let him try that too if it is okay. I know he's a boy, but it can't be wrong to let him enjoy these things can it?" Mom looked at me for a moment, and her smile faded. I could see she was wrestling with her answer. Finally she looked away and out the window. It was like she was looking down the road, looking for our dad, to see if he might be coming back. I know she didn't love him anymore, but she also wished he would come visit us, especially Cameron. I realized she was doing everything in her power to provide for us, keep us happy, and to be sure we knew we were loved. But it also hurt that our family couldn't enjoy all the luxuries that many families did. Also she felt that Cameron needed a man to look up to, a man to emulate, and pattern his life after. But no such man was there. I could see her questioning whether letting Cam wear girl's clothes, even innocently, was a bad move. But finally her smile reappeared on her face and she turned away from the window toward me. "I think that would be wonderful Bonnie. I know how much Cam likes wearing your dress and he is such a good little boy, he deserves a reward for sure. I know how much you treasured some of your outfits and it is special that you are willing to share them with him. I wonder about whether he should be wearing girl's clothes at all, but I can't see how it hurts anyone, as long as it is his choice. So sure, go ask if he wants your hand-me downs. Just be sure, it is his decision, okay?" She leaned in, hugged me and gave me a quick peck on the cheek. I kissed her back and went to see Cam. He was sitting on his bed, playing with his stuffed bear and my old Raggedy Ann. He looked up at me as if I would be mad that he borrowed the doll. I smiled at him, and rubbed his head as I sat down next to him. "That's nice of you Cam. Raggedy Ann loves being played with now and then, and I don't seem to have the time any more. I have a question for you, do you like wearing my dress on date night?" "Oh yes, it's fun to have something new and exciting to wear. Plus with my tights and new shoes, I feel like I'm growing up, like you and Mom. Why, did I mess it up or something?" "No, no it's fine. I just wondered if you felt awkward, since a dress is girl's clothes and you are a little boy. You don't feel weird about it?" He looked down at the stuffed toys in his hands, and his face scrunched up like he was thinking real hard. He moved the bear so it was hugging my doll. "I understand that boys don't wear dresses. No boys at school do, only girls. But somehow it doesn't feel wrong to me. I feel so wonderful when I have it on. It seems natural to me, not weird. Maybe it should, but all I know is when I have it on, I feel like I'm complete. Can you understand that, does it make any sense?" "It sounds logical to me. Feelings are not something we can control. They just happen. If wearing a dress feels good to you, then I think it is good." "So you don't think I'm being bad by wanting to wear one?" "Not at all. In fact, I have some other old clothes that I still like, but they don't fit me anymore. Would you want to wear those too? Like during the week after school or even on the weekends around the house. Are you interested?" His eyes perked up and a big smile crossed his face. I think he was worried I was going to take the dress back. He wasn't expecting an offer of more of my clothes. "Heck yeah. I'd like to, for sure. Wearing your dress makes everything better, makes me feel whole. What kinds are they? Another dress?" "Well if you want, let's go to my room and I'll show you. You can pick out ones you want, and try them on to be sure they will fit." "Great, I'll be right there. I just want to put on my panties first. It doesn't seem to right to wear boy's underwear with girl's clothes." I got up and headed to my room to pick out the clothes. I had laid out three skirts, two blouses, a sweater, and a short-legged romper by the time he came in. He was wearing his t-shirt and my old panties. His eye got wide as saucers when he saw the clothes on the bed. "You don't mean all of those do you? That is too many for you to give away, isn't it? Won't you miss them?" "Don't worry it's not too many. I'm too big to wear any of them, and if you can it will be like you playing with Raggedy Ann. It will make me feel good that they are still getting to be shown around. Let's try the blouses first." We spent the next twenty minutes trying on the clothes. He was so excited, as they all seem to fit. He was laughing and squealing as if he was in heaven. Finally, Mom stuck her head in the room and asked what was going on? Cam panicked a second as he looked up at her, worried she would be upset. I calmly answered that Cam was trying on my old clothes, like we had talked about. I told her he looked really cute in them. She answered that he should, he was very cute as it was. Seeing the romper, she asked if he had tried that on yet. My negative response prompted her to ask him if he would let her see it on him. Smiling he took off the blouse and skirt he had on, carefully folding them and placing the clothes on the bed as he did. Picking up the romper, he unbuttoned the back, stepped in, and pulled it up. Once it as on his shoulders, she moved behind him to button it up. Mom asked him to step back so she could see it. "Cam that looks wonderful, is very cute on you, and seems to fit nicely. I like how it shows your legs without showing off your panty. I noticed you are wearing the same ones you had on for date night." "Yes, I washed them after I wore them. It is okay isn't it?" "Of course, they just made me think that if you are going to be wearing these clothes from Bonnie that we need to get you some more panties. Bonnie since you could use a new bra, why don't we go shopping tomorrow after school. That way, Cam can pick out a few panties as well. How does that sound?" "Really, new ones? That sounds exciting, but are you sure we can afford it?" Mom laughed, hugged him and told him not to worry about that. If we ever got so poor that we couldn't afford to wear new underwear she would get a third job. The exclamation point to the evening was me giving him his own nightgown. He put it right on, and modeled it for us, before happily crawling in bed. The next day, I walked over to Cam's school when I got out of class, and Mom picked us up to go shopping. Once we were in the car, a big old 1953 Buick, Cam and I got in the back seat. I helped him slide off his dungarees and plaid shirt. We replaced them with a pair of my old pedal-pusher pants in a light blue with a simple white sweater top with a ruffled neckline. Cam's hair was short, but by combing it just so and putting in a small barrette, it looked like one of the new pixie cuts many young girls wore. I finished his look by putting on a little lip gloss. I thought he might be a little embarrassed to be dressed like a girl outside of the house, but he seemed at ease, although still very excited about going shopping. We went straight to Sears. Mom liked it because the store carried a wide range of both sizes and styles of ladies undergarments and usually everything was very reasonably priced. We also liked being able to look at their catalogs before we went to the store, so we would have a better idea of what we might want. Walking into the ladies section, I expected Cameron to be nervous. But he seemed fine except he appear to be a little overwhelmed by all the choices. He stared wide-eyed at the racks and shelves that displayed almost anything you could want. An older lady greeted us and asked if she could help. Mom smiled back and answered her. "Yes, thank you. We're looking to get some new things for my daughters. My older daughter needs some new foundations and the younger one could use some panties. We don't need anything fancy, just nice styles at a reasonable price." "Of course madam, Sears offers the best values and still a wide range of options. Do you know the sizes, or do we need to measure the girls?" As she said this, the saleslady turned and smiled at us both. She showed no indication that she saw Cam as anything but a pre-teen girl. I knew the styles I wanted, but I had been developing a bit, so even though it was a bit embarrassing to ask, I did want her to measure my bust to make sure we got the right size. So I spoke up to be sure Mom answered the way I wanted. "I know my size for my bottoms, but I could use some help up top. It seems my bras are a bit tight, if you know what I mean. I do know the style I want, if you have what I saw in the catalog." "Of course, I'd be glad to help. What styles are you interested in honey?" "I saw a teen set that featured pastel colors. The bras had a nice crisscrossed design, the brief had a tulip-style, and everything had a pretty lace trim. If you have them, I was interested in the mint green. Green is my favorite color." "Yes, Teen Scene is a big seller for us. The set includes bras, panties, long-leg and brief style girdles, and full and half-slips. I do have the green in most sizes, and you look to be fairly typical so we should be able to find one. Let me get my measuring tape and we can go back in the dressing room to check your sizes, okay? Do you need help with finding panties for your other daughter? Do you know the size you need?" "Yes I think we are fine. Her current panty is just a big small, so I think if we go up a size it should be fine. Bonnie, you go ahead and get measured and I'll help Cami find her things." I turned to go to the dressing room but glanced first at Cameron. He had a small smile on his face. I don't know if it was Mom calling him Cami or the idea of getting new panties or both, but he seemed so happy. I followed the saleslady back to the dressing room. She had me remove my blouse and quickly measure me over my old bra. I was pleased that I had gone up one size, so I was now a 32 B. Both Mom and I were small breasted, but I was happy at that size since my overall body was slender too. The saleslady did check my waist and hips too, and they hadn't changed. She told me she definitely had my sizes in all the options in the green mint. We headed back out to look at them. While we had been gone, Mom and Cam had picked out about a half-dozen pairs of panties. He had both the full brief and new bikini styles in a variety of flowery prints or light colors, with most showing a hint of lace trim. Mom had added a plain cotton 3-pack of bikinis to go with the more colorful styles. She had also picked out two new bras for herself, one in white and another in a pale pink. She really like pink and wore it frequently. We quickly looked at the bra style in green that I wanted. Mom encourage me to go ahead and get the matching set, as I could use a new slip and I didn't have a long-leg girdle. She said it would be nice to have for formal events or church. As we were gathering the items, Mom saw a display, a half body manikin that had a training bra and a light-control panty brief girdle with garters. The display was a pale blue, very pretty. When the saleslady saw Mom glance at it she spoke up. "It's pretty isn't it? That's a new line we have for young girls, pre- teens like your daughter. At that age, they can develop so quickly that we have both the training bra and a lightly padded first bra in matching colors. Of course when girls start wearing bras, they often want stockings too, so the brief has garters to allow that. They come in white as well as the pastel colors that are so fashionable now." "I like it a lot, maybe we should have Cami measured while we're here. It seems like it is about time she had her own bra too. What do you think sweetie, do you want to try a bra?" Cam looked like he had gone to heaven. I could see he was already so excited with the array of panties he had in his hands, but the idea of getting a bra, to wear like Mom and I, was something he had never imagined. He was so excited he could only nod his head yes. Mom laughed and asked the clerk to measure her too. We might as well all get new bras today. Once Cam had his sizes, Mom helped him pick out his set of training bra, panty, the light brief with garters and a full slip. While he was picking those out, Mom picked up another 3-pack set of white camisoles to wear when he didn't have his bra on. She also added a few packs of regular stockings in sizes we needed, as she wore them every day to work, I wore them to school, and it was obvious that Cam would be using them at home too. The bill was higher than most that she could afford on her budget, but she did have a Sears's account that allowed her to make monthly payments. Overall when we left, everyone was happy. From this point on, we treated Cam, or Cami as her nickname became, as one of the 'girls' at home. He also adopted many of the behaviors typical of girls when he was at school or outside. A clear byproduct of this transformation was his increased academic success at school and an expression of his artistic side in drama club. Although, he never took the lead male roles, he was accepted by most of his classmates. So when I heard the question, it had triggered this flood of memories in my mind. I snapped out of it when I heard it repeated. "Can I wear this one?" I looked up from my thoughts and saw Cami standing there. She had on the light green torsolette that all the other girls had on, her makeup was finished, and her hair was piled up on her head in a stylish up-do with lots of curls. She held a pair of plain stockings in her hand with its long manicured nails in a light polish. I had to smile. She was beautiful, more so than even me or Mom. "No Cami, you'll need the white ones with the rose pattern seam that all the other bridesmaids are wearing. They are over there next to the gowns. I want all my court to look the same and white will go perfectly with your dress and shoes, as well as compliment my wedding gown. Now hurry up, the wedding will start in less than twenty minutes and I still have to finish getting dressed myself." As she turned to go, I was never happier than now, although I would miss date-night with Mom and my younger sister. I had to be satisfied in knowing she would likely get married soon too, if her latest boyfriend had his way. He too wanted date night to be over for Cami as much as my soon to be husband, Tom had for me. Date nights had got our family through some rough times. Now that Mom had remarried to a nice guy from work, both of us had met good men, and even our Dad had returned to be part of our lives again, we didn't need such a morale booster any more. But I would always hold the memory of it close to me, if for no other reason than how it helped Cami find her true self.