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The River -The Beginning By Kyorii pilau Chapter 1 The middle. I am dying, I know I'm dying as the Doctors have told me so. My Oncologist had wanted to remove my breasts, but it was too late as my cancer had already spread via my lymphatic system and invaded the rest of my body. The Chemotherapy has robbed me of my beautiful long dark hair and has made me very weak, my once curvy body was now an anorexic shell of its former self, the tumours laughed at my medication and have continued to grow, I am now on constant pain medication to help me to tolerate what remains of my life. The best that medical science can now offer me is palliative care and a slow and painful decline into delirium and eventually an undignified death, I currently feel that I have no future and no hope. I am sitting in the back of our car with my eldest daughter Susan as the driver takes me one final time to the place where my current life started, I unexpectedly found true love and set me on the path to where I am now. Our driver pulled the car off the main road and turned left onto a small road in the north-eastern edge of Northumberland, we travelled west along a narrow winding road with passing places, into a valley whose walls steepened the further we travelled after a while the valley opened out into woodland and a grassy clearing by a small babbling river, our driver parked us on a patch of grass next to the river. "I'll set up Mum you wait here in the car." my daughter opened the rear door and hopped out of the car and starts to help our driver to unload the boot, she sets up a couple of chairs and table whilst our Driver hammers in the posts of the windbreak. After a while Susan has a very nice little picnic set up, my daughter then helps me out of the car and guides me over to one of the little seats behind the windbreak, I feel quite helpless, my medication has weakened me to the point that I am always exhausted. I sit down and open my handbag, get out my packet of cigarettes and my lighter, I open the packet and get out a cigarette and place it between my lips, I light it and inhale deeply holding the smoke in my lungs, then exhale, blowing the smoke up into the sky. After my new addiction has been attended to, I start to feel much better. My daughter Susan looks on, she is saddened that I'm smoking again but she doesn't mention it, she asks me. "Have you heard from Mum yet?" "No Susan, not since she rang us from the Airport to say she'd arrived safely in New York. I've heard nothing since, it's been a couple of days now I'm actually starting to get a little bit worried, I think I will ring our London office when we get back home to find out what's happening." I was worried because normally Alice (my wife) and I usually attended to all of our business matters together, but due to my current illness I had stayed behind this time, as I was too unwell to travel. Alice really did not want to go to America by herself, but was left with no choice in the matter as her father and mother were currently on a cruise with our other two children. As I sat quietly smoking I looked around and spotted two young girls trying to do handstands and cartwheels on the grass, it amused me when they tried to stand on their hands and their dresses flopped over and covered their heads exposing their underwear. I smiled at their happy antics and Thought back to the first time I had visited this place. It was at this point that I shuddered as a shiver ran coldly down my spine, A tear slowly formed in my eye and rolled down my cheek, Susan noticed this and asked. "Mum you're crying, are you okay?" I smiled at her and reassured her that I was okay and told her that I was thinking very happy thoughts, I took out a tissue from my handbag and dabbed at the tear, the tissue removed a little of my heavy foundation, (my clear complexion has been deteriorating recently, partly from the effects of the Chemotherapy for my Cancer and from me starting to smoke again). Chapter 2 The start (Alice). As I sat in the sunshine I thought back to the first time that I had been here several years ago, I was sitting on the grass roughly the same place as we are now, my Mum and dad had accidentally found this lovely little valley whilst trying to locate an antiques fair and had decided to stay here for the afternoon in the sunshine, they were getting the bags with our picnic out of our old MK1 VW golf and I was watching some teenage girls playing rounders. Then I heard my Mum's voice break my peace. "John what are you looking at?" I turned around and said to her. "Sorry Mum I'm just daydreaming," My father shouted across at me from behind the car. "Forget those girls' son, a weedy little runt like you has no chance with them, you're well out of their league." as usual my father used his mastery of the put down and managed to totally destroy my mood he made me so angry sometimes. I was trying to relax today as I'd recently finished my exams at school, I had just taken my "O" levels and I was hoping to have a quiet summer waiting for the results before possibly getting a job or hopefully go on to the local technical college, so for the next few weeks I was semi free to do what I wished. My parents and I enjoyed our picnic in the sunshine, afterwards I helped my Mum tidy up whilst my father read the morning paper, once finished we all set off for a walk along the river to work off the food. The walk was mostly enjoyable apart from the usual sniping and criticising from my dad. "Your hair is too long, you're lazy, why don't you try and get a proper job like me, you will never be a success with that attitude etc. etc.." and as usual my poor long suffering Mum tried to stick up for me only to then get the brunt of his disapproval, closely followed by a lecture about how she should be agreeing with him and telling me to get a job instead of pandering to my every whim. My Mum as usual just ignored him whilst he was in full rant and just waited until he'd finished. After our walk, we got back to our car and my Mum joined my dad in having a cigarette, they put down a couple of large towels on the grass and decided to sunbathe for a while, so I said to them both. "I'm just off to do a little bit of exploring along the river if that's okay?" my Mum replied. "Okay John but remember to be back at the car by Six we'll be heading home via the nearest chippy around then." I left my parents to their cigarettes and sunbathing and went to have my stroll along the river. After a while of walking along its banks and a little bit of paddling in the cool water I turned and headed back to my parents. When my parents car had just come into view, I stopped and sat down on the grassy riverbank in the sunshine and just started to watch the river flowing and bubbling past me, I found this to be very relaxing, I was daydreaming about my future, I had always had a talent for making things work, I loved to take stuff apart and try to figure out how things worked, I also loved building small electronic projects, and tinkering with cars, (this also caused grief and friction at home as my dad thought I was wasting my time, he seemed to think I would be more suited to an office job). I was thinking about enrolling at my local Technical college in September and doing a night class in Electronics, possibly even a City and Guilds Qualification. Just then I shuddered. "Ooh someone has just walked over my grave" I said quietly to myself. I did not however notice the girl behind me until she made a little coughing noise. I jumped a little and turned around smiled, looked up to her and said. "I'm sorry I didn't notice you there," she looked at me with a little disappointment and said. "ah..." she hesitated and looked to me as if she were looking to find a quick getaway from me. "It's okay, I'm sorry that I disturb you." she started to turn away as I said "I'm really sorry, err I startled you, I'm John by the way, nice to meet you." she hesitated for a second then turned back, she looked slightly relieved but also very nervous. "Hello John, my name is Alice I am sorry for giving you a shock" "Hi Alice, that's okay I was just daydreaming would you like to sit and watch the river for a while? oh, where are my manners." I said as I pulled off my jumper and laid it on the ground next to me. She came back over to me and delicately sat down being careful not to stand on my jumper, she was wearing a light blue summer dress with tights and little black shoes that looked a bit like plimsolls but had a strap going over her instep. The beautiful and rather shy innocent looking girl called Alice nervously started to talk to me. "My sister is helping my Mum and dad set up our picnic over there so I thought I would come over and chat to you as you were sitting all alone here watching the river." As I looked into her lovely eyes All that I was thinking was, 'I'm actually talking to a girl and she's really, really pretty', I couldn't believe my luck. We chatted together for quite a while, it appears that her sister had thought I was a girl, (a tomboy) and Alice had come over to check, I was slightly insulted that they thought that I was a girl but still it was really nice to talk to her, once she had overcome her shyness she had a very bubbly personality. A few minutes later a young woman who I assumed was her sister came over and said to her. "Mum wants to know if you would like a Cigarette now?" I was a little shocked and almost disappointed in her she only looked about 16 or 17 and looked so pretty with her clear complexion and rosy cheeks I didn't for even a second think that she could be a smoker, (after all only adults smoke, don't they?) she answered her sister. "No; not at the moment Stacy, I'm fine thanks." she looked over at me and asked "Unless you would like one John?" I was a little shocked and answered "Err no thanks, I don't actually smoke but you feel free to have one if you want." Alice looked at me a little sadly for a second at me then asked her sister. "Could you bring me my pack over for me please, I may have one in a while." Stacy looked slightly bewildered at her sister but wandered back off to where her parents were both sitting and came back with a packet of cigarettes and a lighter, she handed the packet and lighter over to Alice winked at her and then walked away, I noticed that Stacy was possibly a year or two older than Alice and was wearing similar clothes, she was however wearing high heels and wore a little more make-up than Alice, she was also more developed than Alice but was still very cute, I noticed that she had light brown stains on a couple of her fingers, 'she must smoke too' I thought to myself. We settled down and continued chatting for some time, after a while, Alice took a cigarette out of her pack, placed it gently between her lips and lit it, I watched her intently as she inhaled the smoke into her body, gently held her breath for a couple of seconds and then exhaled the smoke to her side. She looked a little guilty as if she was doing something really naughty, I thought she looked really cute. I asked her how long she had been smoking, she said. "About 4 months John, my sister has been smoking just under a year" "Why did you start? Was it stress? Peer pressure, worry or something else?" I asked. "No nothing like that, I had no interest in smoking at all, I am quite an adventurous person really and used to be a bit of a tomboy myself; But one day just after my sixteenth birthday my Mum took me into her study and had one of her talks with me, these always mean that something is about to change. She told me that she'd had the same talk with Stacy the previous year but had told her not to say anything to me about it." Alice started to look quite sad and I thought she may be tearing up, I said. "I hope I'm not making you feel awkward you don't have to tell me if it's upsetting you" she looked at me as she took a drag on her cigarette, inhaled and then through a talking exhale said "John you are really sweet I'm glad I came over to chat to you." I blushed and then said. "I tell you what, why don't you keep the rest of your story for another time, that way I can see you again." her face brightened and she smiled at me then she gently touched my hand with her soft warm fingers. After a few seconds, I asked her. "Do you like it." I paused "The smoking, do you like smoking?" she turned to me and with a look of sadness said "I really did not like it at first, it hurt my chest when I started to inhale but now it's not so bad in fact I'm getting used to the sensations, I can't say I enjoy it but it becomes more tolerable each day." I was in awe as she put her cigarette to her mouth took a really deep breath, I could see her chest rising making her small breasts look bigger as she inhaled, she then exhaled through her nose this was just about the sexiest thing I had ever seen, this innocent fresh faced girl was smoking just like my Mum. "Would you like to try one?" she asked. "Err I don't know" I said, "My parents would probably kill me if they saw me" "Oh go on John it will be really cool and you get to kiss me." I thought to myself that all I have to do is try smoking and I get my first ever kiss off a girl, this was a definite no brainer so I said. "Okay then what do I need to do?" "What I'm going to do John is inhale some smoke into my lungs, then if you come close to me and breath in as I breath out." "I'll give it a try." I said hesitantly, so I watched as Alice took a deep drag and inhale, she moved towards my face and when she exhaled I inhaled... closely followed by a coughing fit from me. "That was horrible." I said "Yes, I'm sorry John" she giggled "It was for me too the first time I tried, I did not want to learn how to smoke but my mummy was quite insistent upon it, I cried when I had my first cigarette, but after a while it started to get easier, and now I'm starting to look forward to my next cigarette." she said sadly. "Okay Alice, can we try again?" I said trying to sound enthusiastic. "This time don't breathe in quite as hard and try not to cough" she said. So, I watched her inhale again and when she exhaled I inhaled slowly it still hurt to breath in but I fought the urge to cough and held the smoke in my lungs for a few seconds, when I exhaled a tiny little bit of smoke left my mouth. We carried on like this for a few minutes all the time I was praying my parents would not look up until her cigarette was finished. All I could think of as I was inhaling was that this smoke used to be inside Alice, this gave me some very unusual and familiar feelings down below. As I was sitting recovering Alice piped up "Well, so what did you think of your first smoke then?" "It was really unpleasant at first, but slowly I could get more smoke into me...I have a headache and feel a bit sick now though, but I think that just being with you made me feel warm inside" I said honestly "Oh yes the weird head thing, that stops happening eventually if you smoke regularly" "How much do you smoke Alice?" I asked. "Today I've had about 6 or 7, my Mum wants me to be at least a pack a day smoker soon, she says it makes me look sophisticated, my sister smoked a pack and a half last weekend and I think she looks really grown up when she smokes." It was at this point that I noticed that I was getting an erection, this was not really a regular occurrence for me so I immediately went red in the face. Alice smiled at me. "I see that you appreciate my smoking" she was looking directly at my crotch, I thought to myself that for such a sweet and innocent looking girl she seemed to be rather knowledgeable, if only I had known about her sad past I probably would not have done what happened next. She got up and brushed the dust off the skirt of her sun dress and grabbed my hand then nervously asked me "Would you like to go for a little walk with me John please?" I smiled at my pretty new friend reached out and held her hand, she helped me up from my sitting position. I continued to hold Alice's warm soft hand as we both wandered off down the river together towards a small area of woodland. We both continued wordlessly as we got deeper into the wood soon we came across a secluded spot some way off the footpath, Alice stopped, turned around and kissed me full on the lips, I couldn't believe my luck I was actually being kissed by a girl, a beautiful girl, it was like all of my best dreams being combined into one perfect moment. I gently placed an arm around Alice as we kissed, she moved one of her hands down to my jeans and started gently rubbing my crotch area, this girl who I had just met was groping me, my penis was getting out of control now. She stopped kissing and drew back from me for a second or two, she seemed unsure of what to do next, she nervously lit a cigarette, inhaled and then whilst gently holding the back of my head she pressed her lips to mine, as our lips met she exhaled, I started to inhale her smoke but nearly coughed, I slowed down my inhale slightly and exhaled, I prepared myself for my next inhale of Alice's smoke, this time I took more of her smoke into my lungs and as our lips touched, the feeling was quite electric. I carried kissing and letting Alice feed me smoke until by the end of her cigarette my inhales had gotten deeper and deeper and denser smoke was leaving my mouth each time, by the end of our kissing session I was feeling dizzy and rather unwell. We both sat next to each other on the grass, I was breathing rather heavily "How do you feel John?" Asked Alice whilst looking straight ahead "A bit dizzy Alice" I said honestly. "Don't worry it'll pass you will feel okay in a few minutes" she assured me. After a short break Alice turned to me and looked me in the eyes "John I know that we have only just met but I need to know something, will you do something for me please?" I was a little confused as Alice almost looked to be on the verge of tears. "Yes if I can Alice I will." She shuffled a little on the ground and pulled the skirt part of her dress up past her hips and said. "Would you rub my pussy for me please?" I was quite stunned; this was now like one of my best ever dreams. I was also rather confused, I noticed that Alice was wearing stockings, all the girls I had ever met wore tights, the only times I had seen stockings before were at my aunties house hanging on her dryer or in the adult magazines that my friend Brian had hidden under his bed surely only older people wore them. But Alice was wearing stockings and a suspender belt, they did look very sexy on her young curvy body. "Are you sure about this Alice, we've only just met I don't..." she stopped me, looked at me sadly and said. "It's something I think I need to do, but John, if I ask you to stop you must promise me that you will stop." at that time I didn't understand why she made her request but as I was semi overcome with lust I promised her, I gently eased her panties down past her knees and started to gently rub her hairy pussy with my fingers, Alice gave me directions where to rub, how to ease her lips open and how to massage her clitoris, She lit a cigarette and started gently smoking it as I rubbed her most intimate of parts. After she had smoked that cigarette and just before she lit her next one she asked. "Would you lick my pussy for me now please?" I wasn't sure about this, I had heard that women liked to have their pussies licked occasionally but I wasn't exactly sure of the mechanics involved, but I slowly moved my face down to her pussy I parted her swollen lips with my fingers and I could see her sweet little pussy in all its glory, at the top was her clitoris then her little pee hole and just below that I could see her vagina proper, it was slightly oozing a clear fluid. With my tongue, I tentatively touched her sweet little clitoris, Alice was very wet and tasted quite sweet, she let out a little whimper I then started licking and sucking her clitoris initially gently but soon more furiously as she lay there. eventually she started to shake, she was finishing her cigarette by then, and smoke was pouring out of both her mouth and nose, she shook violently and then she appeared to pass out for a while, I noticed she had tears in her eyes as her body gently twitched on the ground. It took Alice a while to regain her senses, I had moved beside her and I was now gently cradling her body in my arms, as she woke she smiled at me and her smile only got bigger as she lay there. After a few minutes? recovery Alice sat up, retrieved her panties and slid them back up her legs, she then smoothed the skirt of her dress back down and then took out another cigarette from her pack and offered it to me. ?Okay John now it?s time for you to have your first full cigarette, but smoke lightly and don't take big inhales and I?ll try and make you feel as good as you made me feel.? I hesitantly put the cigarette between my lips and Alice lit it for me, my first inhale was tiny but subsequent ones were getting slightly larger, Alice now told me to lie down and remove my jeans and underpants, then she appeared to have a moment?s hesitation a moment before taking my stiffening penis in her cute little hand, she looked really uncomfortable holding it. ?Alice you really don't have to do this? I said as I exhaled, she then started gently rubbing my penis. ?I do John I really do.? she said sadly, I inhaled slightly more deeply...., I was feeling increasingly unwell with each puff, but I had a girl playing with my penis I would endure this if it killed me, she then said to me almost in a whisper. ?I hope you enjoy this John, it's my first time.? I was half finished my cigarette when I felt the tip of her tongue touch my penis, this was closely followed by the entire tip being enveloped by her warm mouth, I was in heaven, I started to smoke more furiously as she picked up the pace, she was moving her tongue around the head of my penis and sucking it gently, then all of a sudden and all too quickly I came, I spurted right into her mouth, I was now shaking uncontrollably myself , there was now smoke pouring from both my mouth and nostrils. I had never felt anything like the orgasm that I was currently having; my body was now shaking uncontrollably. I can't remember much after that as the world started to close in and go dark, I think I may have passed out. I don't know how long I was out for, but when I awoke Alice had me cradled in her arms, she was holding me, I was resting my head on her chest, I could feel the softness and warmth of her breast against my cheek I was overwhelmed. ?Welcome back my sweet friend you just lie there and recover.? so I gently snuggled into her. She slowly and peacefully smoked a cigarette whilst I lay there, I was still in heaven I was so relaxed it was beautiful. A short while later Alice suggested that we should get back to our families before they came looking for us, we walked through the woods together hand in hand. ?Alice?? she turned and looked at me it almost looked as though she was afraid about what I was to say. ?Yes John?? ?That was my first experience with a girl, I cannot express how I feel at the moment, but it is like I?m walking on air, all I see when I look at you is love.? As Alice listened to me speak her face changed and a tiny smile appeared, ?I don?t usually talk to boys John, but after five minutes in your company you really melted my heart, that's why I tried to satisfy you back there. You won?t realise the gravity of what I?ve just said to you but I think you may have changed my life forever for the better.? I was rather confused by her statement but just then as we walked out of the trees, Stacy Alice?s sister spotted us and came over to us. ?We?re nearly ready to leave Alice, Mum sent me to find where you had gotten too.? ?Oh okay can you tell Mum I?ll be over in a few minutes and that everything is fine, I just want to say goodbye to John.? Stacy then looked at me a little strangely, turned around and her shapely body headed back along the riverbank towards her parents? car. Alice then turned to face me, took my hands in hers and asked. ?Would you like to see me again John?? My smile may have been the giveaway but I immediately replied. ?I would love to see you again Alice do you live anywhere near Newcastle?? she then started to become rather cryptic. ?I would also love to see you soon John, if you are agreeable?? I nodded enthusiastically. Alice opened her purse and retrieved a pen and paper from it she then noted down my address and phone number and then she kissed me full on the lips. ?Soon? she said. Alice then turned and headed by herself along the riverbank towards her parents? car, she never once looked back at me. As I approached my parents? car a few minutes later I could see Alice and who I assumed to be her mother talking, she looked concerned. As I reached my parents Alice was sitting in the back of her parent?s car which had now been packed. The last I saw of Alice that day was her sitting in the back seat of her parents? car smoking a cigarette as it pulled onto the road, Alice looked different to me somehow. My mother came over to me and asked who the girl was that I?d been walking with, I just said. ?She?s lovely mum, I really hope she?ll become my girlfriend.? I was feeling very happy and pleased with myself, I had just met the most pretty, natural, bubbly girl I had ever seen, I?d had my first sexual experience and she?d took my address, nothing could spoil this moment. My mother then looked sternly at me and said. ?I saw you smoking with her young man, I?m really disappointed in you I thought you had more sense.? I looked a little shamefaced and replied. ?I?m sorry Mum but I really was caught up in the situation and didn't want to spoil it.? she then softened and said. ?But then you did get to kiss a pretty girl, so I?m sure it was worth it.? she winked at me and ruffled my hair, I went bright red in the face and said nothing. Chapter 3 Back at home. I sat in the rear of our golf on the trip home and just looked out of the side window as the countryside as it whizzed by, I was wondering to myself if I would ever see Alice again or if it was just a one-time experience. For the next few days Life at home continued as it normally did. I woke early on Friday of the next week as I had decided that today would be the day that I would start assembly of my latest purchase that had arrived the previous day, an electronic kit that I had bought mail order after saving up my paper-round money for months, it was a microprocessor development board based on the Zilog Z80A microprocessor (although I could easily assemble the kit I had no idea how to program it... that?s why I bought it). As I was soldering a 40-pin socket onto the printed circuit board I heard the morning post pop through the letterbox and land on the Doormat with a slap, this was closely followed the sound of my mum?s heels walking down the hall to retrieve the post. I got up off the floor of my bedroom and went to the landing at the top of the stairs, just to see my Mum?s heels (with my Mum attached) vanish back through into the kitchen where she was working, I shouted down. ?Any post for me mum?? ?No dear sorry there?s nothing addressed to you.? she replied, so I went back into my room and continued with my project. A while later whilst I was soldering another of the 40 pin sockets onto the PCB I heard my Mum shouting from downstairs. ?John? ... would you like a little lunch now?? I looked at my bedside clock and noticed that it was now lunchtime. ?Yes please Mum, I?ll be down in a couple of minutes when I?ve finished this.? A few minutes later I wandered downstairs and into the kitchen, there was a ham salad sandwich, a yoghurt and a glass of lemonade on the table, ?Are you not having any lunch today mum?? I asked as we usually sat together and ate, she turned around and said. ?Not today John I?m not really that hungry, but I will sit with you if you like.? she looked upset and her eyes were red. ?Are you okay Mum you seem a little upset?? I said to her out of concern. She took a cigarette from her pack on the dining table and lit it, taking a deep inhale, she looked at me and spoke whilst exhaling. ?No John I?m not upset, especially not with you, but I've had a letter today with some news that may change our lives forever but I can't discuss it with you at the moment, I?m sorry.? ?Oh? I said, my Mum then came over to me and hugged me. ?You do know I love you don't you Johnny, don't you?? ?Er yes mum? I said. ?Good because I would never let anything bad happen to you.? this was getting strange, she then kissed me on the forehead and released me, she sat down opposite me and continued to quietly smoke as I ate. After my lunch, I decided to go out for a walk, firstly I called on my friend Brian but he was out at his Aunties, so I continued alone. I then visited the local park but nothing of interest was happening there either, I then figured that I might as well go shopping and headed towards my local high street I had a little money on me so decided stock up and buy a few spare electronic components, so I wandered into my local Tandy store, (Radio Shack anywhere else) and spent the last of my paper-round money on the components. As I left the shop a man bumped into me nearly knocking me over ?Sorry pet? he said ?I didn't see you, are you okay?? ?Yes I think so I said.? he then looked at the carrier bag with my purchases in and asked. ?Are you getting them for your brother or dad then?? I frowned at him and replied. ?They?re for me electronics is my hobby.? ?Really!? he replied, ?You don't see many girls doing electronics... good for you.? I wanted to correct him, that I wasn?t a girl, but decided instead just to smile and be on my way. As I walked home I started to wonder if the world was going a little mad or was it just me, so as I passed a charity shop I looked into the window at my reflection, all I could see was me, yes my dark hair was getting quite long (it just touched my shoulders) and I was rather thin (9ish stone) but I wasn?t that tall at 5' 7? so I shouldn't be any heavier, at least that?s what I thought. I decided to myself that I did not look like a girl and the world had indeed gotten it wrong I smiled to myself and continued home with my purchases. That evening as I was reading one of my project magazines an almighty row erupted downstairs, my dad had become enraged at something and as usual my poor long suffering Mum was trying to calm him down and reason with him. The argument had raged for about 15 minutes when I decided to go down stairs and investigate. What normally happened when my Mum and dad were arguing and I entered the room was that they both went quiet and one of them would usually tell me that it was just a loud discussion and that would be it. But this time as I entered the living room, my Mum looked shocked and my dad shouted at me. ?Get out you fucking freak I?m talking to your mother and you're not required, now OUT.? I looked over at Mum and she gestured to the door, so I turned and left, closing the door behind me. This quite upset me so by the time I'd reached my room I had tears in my eyes. I tried in vain to listen to the argument raging downstairs but could not quite hear what was being said, however it was now my Mother who was doing all of the shouting, This I knew, from past experience, was very bad for my dad, although he was a narrow minded bigoted bully I was in no doubt who was in charge in our family, it was my Mum. A few minutes later the house quietened down a little and I decided to go to bed. The next morning was Saturday so I had my customary lie in, it was late morning when I finally got up. I dressed and went downstairs Mum was sitting at the kitchen table and looked up at me through a haze of cigarette smoke and said. ?Good morning John I?m really sorry about last night, did you sleep well?? ?Yes thanks Mum I had a great sleep.? I lied, it was then I noticed the absence of Mister grumpy reading his papers. ?Where?s dad?? I asked Mum looked up and said angrily. ?He's decided to go and spend some time reflecting upon his narrow mindedness, he's staying with his sister for a few days.? ?Oh? I said, ?I?m sure when you and he calm down he'll be back.? ?I think not, not for a while at least this time he overstepped the mark big time, he tried to tell me what to think and what to do? said Mum. I thought to myself, ?he's really in the doghouse now?. ?And? she continued, ?He managed to upset someone who I love and care about? said my Mum looking at me directly. ?Really? I said. ?Who?? My Mum sighed. ?You, you idiot. He upset you last night, I could tell.? ?Really Mum it wasn?t that bad honest.? I lied again. Mum then said. ?Help yourself to breakfast John, I?ll get you a drink.? She took out her cigarettes and picked one out of the pack and put it between her lips, she looked over at me and offered me one. ?Mum I don't smoke, you know that.? ?Just checking? she said smiling, my Mum then lit her cigarette and went over and switched the kettle on. Chapter 4 An invitation. A couple of weeks later my Mum received an unexpected letter from Alice?s parents asking if I would like to come and stay with them for a few weeks over the summer, the letter was even delivered by courier! The letter also contained a return train ticket and directions of where to go and when I would be met, I think the smile on my face said it all as I had sort of been moping about the house feeling sorry for myself wondering why Alice hadn?t contacted me. ?So would I be wrong in thinking that you would like to go and visit your new friend John?? ?Would you really mind if I went mum?? I asked. ?No I think it would be good for you to spend a little time away from home, you might even get to kiss your friend again? she said ?the family have supplied their address.? it was then that I remembered that my dad was still in exile. ?No Mum I can't go away; it would leave you here all by yourself you would be lonely.? ?John this is your chance to spend time with that pretty girl and her family, by the way what's her name you never said?? ?She's called Alice Mum.? ?Well John I'm sure that I will survive here just okay, so I insist you go and see young Alice.? I thought about it for a few seconds and replied. ?Well okay if you are sure then I?ll go.? my Mum smiled, it was then that I noticed that the rail ticket was for the very next day, so I hurriedly packed my School haversack with some of my cleaner clothes and underwear. The day dragged on, All I could think of was that I would soon be meeting Alice again but eventually the night came, so after my evening meal and watching a little television with my Mum I apologised and said that I would be having an early night, my Mum smiled at me. ?I understand John, that young lady has really made an impression on you, hasn?t she?? ?I can?t wait to meet her again Mum I?m really excited.? my Mum got up from the settee and gave me a tight hug, a very tight hug, she whispered into my ear. ?I really hope that you get along with her John I really do.? she broke her embrace ?Thanks Mum.? I left my Mum standing in the living room and made my way up to my bedroom. Chapter 5 The holiday starts. The next morning my Mum woke me up early and even brought me breakfast in bed. Once I had dressed and finished my packing I put my bags into my car and she drove me to the local Metro station. As I was saying goodbye to her she looked at me and said. ?No matter what happens in the next few weeks, just remember I will always love you John.? my Mum then gave me a great big hug and passed me a brown envelope I slipped it into my back pocket, as we separated she had tears in her eyes. ?Please don't be sad Mum I will be back in a few weeks; I?ll send you a postcard? She smiled weakly at me and said. ?I know you will son, I know.? I left her at the car and crossed the road and went up the ramp to the station, I bought my Metro ticket and entered the platform I was now quite excited, A few minutes later the Metro Tram arrived to take me to the train station. Just under half an hour later I emerged from the underground metro station out into the public area of Newcastle Central station, on the way to my train I picked up an electronics magazine from the station newsagent and a can of pop and then headed over to the large display board to confirm which platform I was on I then headed over to the barrier where the guard checked my ticket and let me through the barrier. As I was a few minutes early for my train I took a leisurely stroll across the bridge and onto my platform, I found a bench and sat down to wait. A few minutes later my train pulled into the station and shortly afterwards I was seated and slowly heading over one of the bridges over the River Tyne towards Darlington station where I would change trains I relaxed and looked out of the window as the train passed over the viaduct at Chester le Street and continued its journey towards my new friend, Alice. Just after I had joined the small commuter train in Darlington I suddenly remembered the envelope that my Mum had given me, so I retrieved it from the back pocket of my jeans and opened it, the envelope had money in it, I counted fifty pounds, my mother had given me 50 quid, wow! I then noticed a small note in the envelope, so I took it out and read it ?Dear John? I laughed, 'my Mum has sent me a dear John letter' I thought to myself. ?I figured that you would appreciate some extra money for your holiday, (I know that you cleared out your post office account, naughty boy!) so here's some money to help, so treat your new girlfriend to something nice, I?m sure she'll appreciate it, love Mum. PS, please make me proud, just be yourself and you'll be okay.? I thought for a moment then said to myself, ?My Mum's the greatest?. As I was staring out of the window I started to think about Alice, what would her parents think of me? Would she still like me?? Sometime later after passing through an unpleasant industrial town called Middlesbrough and smaller seaside town called Redcar, I noticed that it was nearly my stop, another small town on the seaside on the North-East coast of England called Saltburn. The train slowed and as I got up to leave, I could see Alice through the window, she was standing near the end of the platform, she looked very nervous and she was had a cigarette between her fingers, she looked a little different, somehow older but still just as pretty as the first day we had met. As I exited the train she spotted me, she smiled and looked very relieved to see me, she ran over and practically dived onto me hugging me and kissing me on the cheek. ?I wasn't sure that you would come John, I am so pleased to see you? she said, I beamed at her and said. ?I have been looking forward to seeing you ever since we met, I wasn't sure you would write and I didn't have your address.? I noticed that she had a small covered wicker basket by her feet, I asked if she would like me to carry it for her she smiled broadly ?Please if you would.? I picked up the basket Alice grabbed my hand and started to walk away from the platform and out of the station with me in tow. ?Come on I?ll give you the grand tour around town.? Once out of the Station she then stopped and offered me one of her cigarettes, I declined she looked a little disappointed. As we walked I mentioned that she looked a little different from the last time I had seen her, she smiled at me and said. ?I?m wearing a little more make-up today, I wanted to look pretty for you, and I'm wearing heels today, I?m now taller than you, do you like?? I laughed, smiled and gave her the thumbs up signal, she did look beautiful I thought to myself. I also sensed that her nervousness was slowly receding. ?Where are we going now Alice?? I asked, she replied. ?To the park, there's a picnic in the basket I hope you're hungry?? ?I love picnics Alice.? I said. When we reached the small park, Alice found a nice spot on the grass just under the shade of a large old tree, we sat opposite each other on a large picnic rug and ate the food that Alice had prepared for us, I just watched her as she talked about the park and the local area she was so enthusiastic and her eyes almost sparkled as she spoke. Once we'd both finished I helped Alice pack the remnants of our picnic back into the basket and Alice offered me another cigarette, this time I hesitantly agreed, I lit it and took my first inhale in just over 3 weeks, it still hurt but I managed it without coughing, Alice smiled at me, ?What?? I asked. ?You do look really cute when you smoke? I blushed a little. ?You even look cute when you're embarrassed, you have a beautiful soft face John.? I think I may have blushed even more. ?People have been mistaking me for a girl recently, it's quite annoying? Alice smiled. ?I think you would make a really pretty girl John, you could be my tomboy boyfriend.? I took another shallow drag on my cigarette and exhaled. ?you know, I think you would be the only person I would do that for.? she looked at me strangely and smiled. After lunch we went for a little walk through town, I carried the little picnic basket for Alice. Alice wanted to do a little window shopping and I was quite happy just to follow her around the shops, as we were walking together down the high street an old gentleman stopped us and asked. ?Excuse me girls could you tell me where the Post Office is?? Alice gave the man directions, he thanked us and left. ?See, he thought I was a girl too, the world has gone mad.? ?I told you.? she said ?You could be really pretty.? I blushed a little and tried not to think about it, I think that Alice must have sensed my unease and she changed the subject. ?Anyway it's getting a little late now, shall we head off and go to our cottage?? ?Oh do you live in a cottage Alice?? ?Yes I do at the moment, it?s only a short bus ride away.? ?Lead on then, I have to admit though I'm a little nervous of meeting your parents.? Alice said nothing, she slipped her hand in mine and we walked to a nearby bus stop. After a short wait, we got on the Bus to what I thought was going to be her house, Alice paid the driver both of us. After about fifteen minutes we reached our stop. When we got off the bus we walked along a small pavement along the side of the road bordered by moorland for about 5 minutes to a small row of cottages on the edge of the moors. ?Is this where your parents live?? I asked. ?Nope, but it's where you and I will be living for the next few weeks, this is our holiday cottage.? ?So when are your parents coming?? I asked, she shuffled a little awkwardly for a second or two and then finally said. ?Ah, actually they?re not, they rented this cottage for me to see if you and I are compatible for each other, don't look so worried John, your Mum knows all about it.? I think I must have looked confused. Alice gently took my hand and guided me through the small wooden gate and along through the small front garden of the cottage. ?It?ll be fun John; we can learn all about each other.? Alice said with a slight tremor in her voice. Alice opened the front door, I took off my trainers and left them on the front step and we entered the cottage together, it was a very compact little cottage and it only had one bedroom, she saw my confusion. ?We will be sleeping together for some time John; I hope you're okay with that?? she smiled at me nervously. ?I can't think of anyone else I?d rather sleep with.? As I settled into the cottage I noticed that Alice was devouring her latest cigarette she was literally smoking like a chimney. ?Alice you seem really on edge today, is something wrong, are you worried about something? Have I upset you in some way?? she looked over at me from where she was sitting and suddenly looked horrified, I could see tears in her eyes, she started to talk, there was smoke coming from her mouth and nose as she spoke. ?No you have done nothing wrong John, please don't think that, I begged my parents to let me spend time with you I think you are almost perfect, I?m just praying that you will feel the same towards me after you get to know me a little better.? ?How could I not like you Alice, you have a beautiful smile, you're pretty, intelligent and great fun to be with. I know I have literally only known you for a few hours but I feel totally at ease being with you so come here and give me a hug.? I smiled at her, she then slowly moved towards me and gave me a hug and rested her head on my shoulder. She eventually broke our hug and sat down on the sofa, smoothing her skirt under her as she sat, she then crossed her legs. I thought she looked really sexy just sitting there, so I moved over and sat next to her, I put my hand on her thigh and gently caressed it, she smiled and touched my hand and said. ?Thank you John.? Later that evening after a very nice meal that Alice had cooked herself in the small kitchenette, and after watching some television, she suggested that we went to bed and had an early night, I agreed as I was rather tired myself, so I followed her into the bedroom. It was a very feminine newly decorated bedroom with lots of pink, Alice put her cigarettes on her bedside table And started undressing, she took off her shoes they had a small pointed heel, she then took off her skirt and then another thinner skirt that looked to be made of a fine silky material, she was wearing stockings again, I decided I really liked stockings on her, she asked me to undo a little button on her top, when she had removed her top she was wearing a sort of a cream coloured all in one body covering with straps attached that held her stockings up, it hugged her curves, she explained it was called a teddy, I liked that also, she looked very sexy. Alice removed her teddy and stockings, it was then that I noticed her pussy.... It had no longer had any hair; it was completely bald! she noticed me staring. ?I shaved it for you do you like?? oh yes I liked. She sat down at a little table and started to clean her face using some cream from a bottle that she'd put onto a cotton pad, when she had removed her make- up I noticed that her face was quite pale and lacked some of the colour she had a couple of weeks ago, she was still pretty but something was missing. Alice slipped a nightdress on over her head and slid the matching panties up her legs, then she went into the bathroom to clean her teeth, when she returned she got straight into bed. ?Well are you going to join me then?? she asked whilst patting the bed next to her, I undressed quickly and then stopped in my tracks as I realised the huge mistake I'd made in my rush to be with Alice. ?My haversack, oh god my bag I left it in my Mums car at the Metro station.? ?So why is that a problem Tonight?? asked Alice. ?It has all of my holiday clothes in it, I don't have a change of clothes? I thought my day was ruined, Alice giggled. ?Well You could just come to bed naked then.? then added. ?Or I could lend you a nightie and a pair of panties to wear? she smiled mischievously, I ignored her last comment and got into bed and Alice snuggled into me, she felt so soft, I was in heaven. I must have fallen asleep soon afterwards just resting against Alice. I was awakened in the middle of the night by a noise, after a few seconds I realised that it was Alice, she was talking in her sleep, she sounded very upset, I could not hear what she was saying but she was really scared, suddenly she woke with a gasp and sat up, her breathing was heavy and she was shaking. after a couple of minutes sitting on the edge of the bed almost gasping for breath she started to regain her composure, I saw her lighting a cigarette. She had the cigarette between her lips and was constantly inhaling and exhaling without a break, she lit another cigarette from the butt of the previous one and a few minutes later another one. This girl was a smoking machine, I thought to myself that must have been one hell of a scary dream. Just then my teeth started to chatter, Alice turned around and noticed that I was awake, she looked shocked. ?How long have you been awake John?? she asked me in a cold almost monotonous voice, I did however detect a slight tremble in her voice as she spoke. ?Just a few minutes Alice I was cold.? ?I?m sorry John I just couldn't stand it anymore I needed to smoke, I?ve been trying to smoke less today, I didn't want to scare you off with my habit.? ?Are you smoking a lot more now Alice?? ?Yes John my smoking has steadily increased ever since that day in Northumberland.? I was concerned for her and asked. ?Why are you smoking more Alice, is it because of me? are you worried about me? Please don't worry about me, I really like you.? Alice looked over at me, I think she could see the worry on my face, she burst into tears, I went over to console her but for the first time since we'd met Alice shied away from my touch, she really did not want to be touched. I was now sitting on the bed wearing just my underpants and wondering how I could help my new friend, as she didn't want to be touched I spoke quietly. ?Alice, I think you had better tell me what is worrying you, it seems to be eating you up inside, you will Become a mess emotionally if you do not let it out, I don't mind listening.? not realising the bombshell she was about to unleash, she looked at me sniffed and started. ?Do you remember when we met?? I looked at her and nodded ?Well it was my sister that spotted you? she said. ?There?s a really cute looking tomboy over there why don't you go and chat to her Alice, it might help, she said so I went over to see you, it was only when you turned around I realised that you were a boy, I was disappointed, I started to apologise to you and wanted to back away and hide but when you spoke to me, you were so polite I felt I couldn?t just walk away.? I was starting to get a bad feeling about this conversation. ?But as I sat with you and we talked I realised that you weren?t like other boys, you were really polite and talkative, you are very easy to like, so I thought why not let's see how it goes, so over the course of that afternoon I did things that I did not think would ever be possible for me to ever do.? I was started to feel quite guilty at this point and was starting to think that I may have inadvertently triggered some unpleasant memories in her, I was beginning to think that I may have ruined my friends? life. ?Do you prefer girls rather than boys Alice?? I asked. She looked quite shocked that I had asked such a question. ?No. no. It's not like that John, I?m not a lesbian, at least not in the conventional sense.? It was now my turn to be confused. ?I?m not a lesbian it is just, I'm absolutely terrified of men, all men.? it was then that I spotted the tears that had once again started rolling down her pale face. ?I used to get on really well with boys I loved playing football, climbing trees and generally getting up to all sorts of mischief but several years ago I was abused by my uncle Mark, I used to dread him coming to stay.? ?Oh god!? I said, I think I may even have put my hand up to my mouth. She looked at me she was shaking once more and tears were now streaming down her pale cheeks and dripping onto her lap. ?He used to sneak into my room and do things to me, horrible things, over time I grew to hate both him... and men in general.? I was just staring at Alice open mouthed, I was horrified I couldn't imagine what Alice had gone through or even comprehend how any human could be so evil as to abuse a child. Tears formed in my eyes and started to run down my cheeks, I wanted to hug Alice so badly as she continued her story. ?After some time I finally plucked up the courage to tell someone and mentioned it to my Mum, I remember that she looked mortified but said nothing else to me. The next time my Uncle stayed at our house I was terrified, my parents had gone out for the evening and I felt all alone with him in the house, the things he was doing to me were getting more sick each time, he warned me if I told anyone about it he would kill my Mum and dad.? at this point I was sniffing and tears were running down my cheeks I couldn't stop them, I was actually having trouble processing what she was telling me. ?That night I was lying in bed dreading the noise of my bedroom door opening, just when I thought I was safe, I heard the floorboard outside my room creak and then the door opened.? I actually gasped when she said that. ?My Uncle quietly came into my room, I felt the sheets on my bed being slowly pulled down the bed and then my nightdress started to move.? ?At that moment the bedroom light was switched on and my father appeared, to say he was not happy was an understatement, my Uncle looked terrified, my daddy dragged him out of my room by his hair and my mother entered, she hugged me and told me I was a very brave girl.? I was visibly shaking at this point, poor Alice I thought as she continued with her horrific tale. ?I never saw my Uncle again but I once overheard the cook saying that my Daddy had literally beaten him to within an inch of his life. My Uncle spent several months in hospital so bad were his injuries. I thought to myself, 'good the bastard deserved it'. ?The hospital called the police, but he refused to say who had beaten him.? I looked at her I was horrified at what I had just heard, as she lit another cigarette I tried poorly to express how outraged I was. ?Alice words can't express how I feel at this moment.? I paused. ?I now understand why you don't like boys, if you wish I will leave tomorrow.? tears were streaming down my face. ?I am so sorry I forced you to relive that terrible ordeal, I cannot even imagine the horror of what happened to you when you were with that monster.? she looked over at me and through her tears she said. ?You leave, NO Johnny please don't that's not what I want at all, I know that I am emotionally damaged but you are the first person I have ever met that seems to understand me and my moods you seem to respond positively to them.? I was confused, what did she want me to do, how could I help, I was only a kid myself. ?I hope you won't leave tomorrow John, but I will understand if you do, I am damaged after all? she said through her tears, I was confused, annoyed and saddened I did not know what to do for the best, should I phone her parents and ask for advice? I just did not know. ?Alice, would you like me to sleep on the sofa tonight.? I asked hoping it would help the situation. ?NO? she shouted ?That's the last thing I want, I want to lie with you I want to hug you I want to wake up next to you in the morning, I want to see your sweet smiling face looking back at me?. I was still confused but I replied. ?Alice, I would class it an honour to stay with you tonight, you are probably the bravest person I?ve ever met, you told your Mum about your abuse, you are so brave? I looked at her directly and tried to look strong for her but then started to shiver. ?You look cold John? she said with concern. ?I am Alice, I may have to put some of my clothes back on.? ?You will do no such thing.? she went over to her suitcases opened the largest one and came back to me with a cotton nightshirt and a pair of panties. ?Here wear these they are clean and warm.? I thought about saying no but considering what I had just heard I just took them and put them on, she was however right they were warm and very comfortable. As I was dressing Alice got two cigarettes out from her pack, placed them both in her mouth and lit them, she then passed one to me and said. ?Please.? I accepted her offer and we smoked silently together. When finished, Alice lay down turned out her bedside light and asked. ?Could you just hold me for a while please.? I was more than happy to oblige, I turned off my bedside light, as we drifted off to sleep however I heard noises in the cottage next door and the vague sound of people talking, I thought to myself that the walls between the cottages must be rather thin if we had disturbed our neighbours and I hoped that they didn?t come over and complain in the morning. I think I may have held Alice most of the night I just did not want to let her go, I was afraid that if I did she would have another nightmare. Chapter 6 The morning after. The very next morning I awoke to find a beaming face looking back at me, she looked to have more colour in her cheeks today and she was much more like the Alice I had first met. ?Good morning John.? she said. ?I?m really sorry about last night, sometimes I let my past get on top of me, I hope I didn't scare you too much?? I wiped the sleep from my eyes looked at her and said. ?I was really concerned about you but I?m glad you confided in me, I just hope that talking about it helped you a little.? she looked down at the floor and said quietly. ?It did, you have no idea, thank you John, for being so understanding.? she then smiled at me. ?Have you any idea what triggered last night?s nightmare Alice??. she looked at me sadly and held my hands. ?I do John, stress... it can sometimes happen when get myself really stressed.? ?Oh.? I said realising that it may have been our little holiday that triggered it. ?For the last couple of weeks I have been planning and organising this holiday for us both, I planned trips, walks, picnics, I even organised this cottage, the food everything. My Mum thought I was mad, she offered to help me But I refused, I wanted it to be perfect I wanted you to have a great time with me and I wanted to do something by myself for once.? Alice frowned a little ?Unfortunately I started to stress out over all of the planning, I believe that my smoking started to become more of an emotional support and I noticed that I had started smoking more frequently. When I was waiting for you at the station yesterday, I really started to fret about everything, ?would you still like me, or the trips, just everything?, I must have chained several cigarettes before you turned up. When you did turn up the relief was immense but I was still worried, so I think that everything just boiled over into last night.? I took her hands in mine and looked her in the eye and said. ?Alice you can rest assured that everything we do on this holiday will be appreciated by me, so please stop worrying and let's enjoy our holiday.? Alice brightened up and said. ?Would you like some breakfast John?? ?Yes please I?m starving, I?ll just get dressed and then I?ll join you? Alice wandered out of the bedroom in her nightie and slippers and I got up removed my nightshirt! And dressed in my jeans and tee-shirt, I picked up my socks to put them back on but they did not smell good. When I entered the kitchen, there were two bowls and a vast array of breakfast cereals to choose from on the kitchen table. I smiled and sat down at the small square table, I poured myself a glass of milk and had some cornflakes, Alice joined me and we chatted happily over our food, she looked more natural today, and only smoked one cigarette during breakfast. I helped her wash the dishes and she left for the bedroom saying. ?Just going to get dressed shouldn?t be more than an hour or two.? I smiled at her little joke then I hoped it was actually a joke. I followed Alice into the bedroom a few minutes later and asked her if she had any clean socks that I could use. ?I?ll have a little look in a bit once I've put my face on.? I sat quietly on the bed and watched her as she sat at her dressing table in her panties and bra and started to put her make-up on, it was weird to watch, she started to turn her lovely fresh face into a blank canvass with various coloured creams, then she painted her face back on with other potions, she seemed to highlight parts of her face with brushes and pencils, then she put lipstick on, all that work to look slightly less natural than when she had started, it was almost like a mask to hide behind, I thought to myself. ?Are you watching me John?? Alice asked with a smile on her face ?Yes I am, I hope you don't mind? ?Nope, not at all carry on? she said. After a while she got out a white lacy suspender belt from a drawer and placed it around her waist, she fastened it at the front and then turned it around so that the fastener was at the back. She then got the suspenders and threaded them through her panties. Then Alice balled up a stocking placed the end over her toes and sort of smoothed the transparent fabric up her leg, then with great dexterity fastened it to the strange little connectors at the end of the suspenders, this she repeated for the other leg, I was spellbound I never knew that dressing was so complicated for girls, this was mostly because until that moment I?d never watched a female dress, I left Alice to finish dressing and went into the living room. Chapter 7 All Change. As I entered the living room, I noticed through the gap in the curtains that there speckles of rain on the living room window so I went over to have a little look. It must have rained quite a lot last night judging by the large puddles I could see on the road outside, I thought to myself. It looked as though the clouds were clearing now though, it may yet be a nice day, Alice walked into the room, she looked beautiful, I was stunned. ?Wow? I said. ?That's the response I was after John? she smiled. ?I?ve um found you a pair of socks but you won't like them,? she then pulled a little pair of white socks with frilly tops from behind her.? I?m sure that she was hiding her amusement and was trying to look serious I took them and thanked her. ?Thanks Alice, I know that you don?t carry boys socks so I will see if they fit, shall I?? I sat down and put the socks on, luckily my jeans mostly covered them. ?Trainers? I said loudly, ?Where on earth did I put them?? I had to think, ?Aha I left them on the step outside, didn?t I?? So I went over to the front door, opened it and there they weren?t . I was starting to get concerned when Alice piped up. ?Look John out there on the lawn.? There, in the middle of the small lawn, were my trainers, or at least what was left of them, Alice laughed it was so nice to see her laugh it also defused the situation a little. ?It looks as if something mistook your trainers for a dead animal and decided to have a feast... poor thing.? she laughed, I had to join her, it was rather funny. ?John how about you and I have a cigarette and try to find a solution to your devoured trainers?? I agreed she offered me one of her cigarettes, I took it and then she offered me a light. A few minutes later after my cigarette and feeling a little less stressed Alice said. ?If you would like I can go into town on the bus and get you some new trainers and socks, it should only take a couple of hours or so? I thought about this for a couple of seconds and realised that Alice had probably planned other things for us to do today, I did not want to spoil her day, I then asked Alice hopefully. ?Don't you have any trainers, or shoes that could pass as boy shoes? I have quite small feet.? she looked at me as though she were deep in thought and then her face lit up, ?Back in a second.? she dashed into the bedroom and then returned quickly with 3 pairs of shoes, a pink pair of trainers a pair of shoes with a small heel and a final pair of sandals that looked like