Weaponizing Estrogen Vol.1 2: Leona free porn video

Weaponizing Estrogen Vol. 2: Leona © 2017 by Tori St. John Preface Most people have a story or two about dating a crazy person at some point in their life. You know the type of story that I'm talking about, these usually include the clich?, "she was so great in bed, but too crazy to be around." My 'crazy person' story is a bit different than most because I was a male at the beginning of it, and not-male-anymore at some point along the way. My domestic partner, Athena, asked me to write it down, so here it is, to the best of my recollection. Chapter 1: LHR 101 I don't know where the story begins for Athena. Probably during her childhood in some dark, twisted place. For me the real beginning was shortly after I moved into her condo. I was 26, and I had been dating Athena for two months. Those first two months were unequivocally the best sex of my male life. It felt like we were both madly, intensely, in love. As luck would have it, this honeymoon period in our relationship coincided with my apartment lease coming up for renewal. My apartment complex had sent me a renewal notice, and my monthly rent was jacked up by 20%. I was already considering moving thanks to the rent increase, and this was what prompted Athena to ask me to move in with her. It was spring, which I thought was an excellent time of the year for a new beginning. We were both very excited about the move-in and the prospect of living together. Reflecting back on it, I knew that I was moving in with a kinky girl, but I didn't realize that her vision of our future together was a lot different than mine. It started innocently, though at some points along the way, I actively decided to indulge Athena in her kinks. I simply did not grasp that I was in over my head. Nor did I clearly understand the consequences. Modern medical technology is miraculous. Lots of little differences tend to compound. I recall one conversation from shortly after I moved in. "Leon, don't get me wrong," Athena said. She continued, "your Colombian mother married your Greek father and gifted you with many desirable and exotic traits. One of your best traits is your wonderful, olive-toned skin. I love that I get to enjoy that part of you every day. But I'd enjoy it even more if there wasn't so much hair all over it." I chimed in, "Athena, I more or less agree with you. Body hair is not the best for touching. I've actually tried shaving before, but it grows back very fast. It gives me a gross-looking rash when follicles from my course hair start growing back. I usually get a window of about one day, in any given area, where my skin will feel smooth to the touch. After that, all hell breaks loose. I end up with ingrown hairs, stubble, rashes, pimples. Then I can't even shave it again until everything calms down." Athena replied quickly, "Ohh. Oh. In that case I've got you covered! Why don't you come see me at the clinic during your lunch break tomorrow? I'll get you started on some laser hair reduction and I'll make it worth your while. The end result will be a mutual benefit! We will both love the sensation of smooth skin against smooth skin in the future!" With her, I knew that 'I'll make it worth your while' meant a good chance for some lunch time sex. I answered her, "All right, I'm down, what do I need to do?" Athena instructed me to shave my legs carefully in the morning, and then show up at 12:15 at her clinic. The next morning, Athena woke me up extra-early, before my alarm went off, to remind me that I needed to have enough time to shave my hairy legs. I shaved my legs carefully in the shower, and then headed off for work. I worked as an analyst at a firm in San Francisco's Financial District. Athena's clinic was located in Union Square, which was just about a 10- minute walk from where I worked. I showed up to the clinic promptly at 12:15. Athena greeted me, then she led me into a private room and shut the door behind us. There was an examination table near the center of the room with leg stirrups attached at the end. I imagined you'd find this type of examination table in an OB/GYN office. Athena saw the look on my face and spoke, "The stirrups make it easy for me to work the YAG laser around your legs. Easy for you so that you don't need to hold your legs up. I'll only need to hold your legs up one time near the end of our session so that I can get the spots on your lower calves that are supported by the stirrups." She asked me to take my pants off, get on the table, and put my legs in the stirrups. I followed her orders. Then she quickly strapped my legs into each stirrup. "This is for safety, as I don't want to get kicked in the face by your reflexes," she told me. Up there on the table, naked from my waist down, legs spread wide and strapped to stirrups, I was feeling vulnerable and committed. I started to get turned on, thinking about how I was helpless and under Athena's control. Next came a surprise. While I was pondering my predicament, Athena had stepped out of the dress she was wearing. I noticed immediately that she had planned ahead and had come prepared for our encounter. She was wearing a lingerie set that I hadn't seen before. The top part of the set was a lacy balconette bra that perfectly displayed her perky bosom. The bottom part consisted of matching lace panties, a suspender belt around her waist, and sheer stockings held up by garters attached to the belt. Her stockings were nude and so sheer that I hadn't even realized she was wearing them until I saw the garters. She was wearing a pair of wedge high heels with this outfit. Upon seeing her in that get-up, I had no control over my instant hard-on. She started to power-up the laser and describe it to me, at the same time she wrapped her free hand around my hard-on, giving it a stroke every now and the. She spoke as she was entering the settings into the machine, "This is our newest YAG laser. It's an amazing advance in the technology. You'll feel a moment of heat, which is the laser pulse burning away your hair follicle, followed by a puff of cold air. This allows you to tolerate higher energy levels than we could use in the past. In just 2 or 3 sessions, I'll have you entirely hair free on your legs! This used to take 6 sessions or more. After our 1st session today, you'll see about 80% reduction!" This information hit me kind of hard. From time to time I would shave my legs so that I could feel the hairless sensation. I'd enjoy the feeling of that for a day or two, but then it would grow back. What Athena was about to do to me was entirely different. I didn't realize that I had signed up to be so quickly and permanently hair free on my legs! I hadn't taken time to consider how I really felt about permanently feminizing my legs. I didn't think it could happen so fast. Zap! Zap! Zap! Athena has started the treatment. It stung. She somehow kept a rhythmic stroking on my hard-on as she progressed. I had a fleeting thought about backing out, but didn't speak up. I could tell that Athena was really into the whole scene. She's so damn twisted, I thought. I was super-turned-on, and didn't care much in the moment about the longer-term consequences. Zap! Zap! Zap! Athena kept stroking me throughout the session. I struggled to stay quiet. I knew that any loud moaning that escaped the room would be inappropriate for the clinic. The white noise from the machines in the room helped in keeping our scene private, but this could only do so much. I would be heard if I wasn't careful. I didn't know anything about Athena's relationship with her employers or co-workers at this point in time. The last thing that I wanted was to get her fired from a job that she loved. Somehow, expertly, Athena kept me from orgasming until just after the treatment ended. When I finally came, it was a monster orgasm that shook the whole table. As I was feeling the euphoria of it, I noticed that Athena had collected my output in a plastic specimen cup. She had held the cup over my hard-on right as I came. As she was screwing the lid on it, she spoke to me, "I thought this would be a good way to avoid making a mess. I think I'll send it to our lab and I'll have your swimmers counted and checked for mobility for you. If you don't mind?" I didn't even respond to that question because I was overwhelmed by what I had just experienced. I looked down and saw that my legs had turned slightly red from the treatment. I was sort of embarrassed that I had been so turned on, and sort of sorry that the red marks on my legs meant that they would be looking a lot more feminine from now on. I was hoping that Athena would tell me that she set up the whole thing just to turn me on, that she had somehow faked the laser removal. But the red marks on my legs were telling me otherwise. I dismounted the exam table and started to put my clothes back on. At the same time, Athena was stepping back into her dress. I spoke, "No wonder your clinic is so popular and is doing so well." Athena replied, "Smart-ass! That's not the standard treatment. You received one-of-a-kind treatment today." "You are one-of-a-kind, that's for sure," I responded. Chapter 2: Introduction to Femininity I made weekly trips to the clinic throughout the rest of the spring and into the beginning of summer. Sometimes I would receive a hand-job during the sessions, sometimes a BJ afterwards, and sometimes Athena would even mount me and we'd have sex right there in the clinic. The hand-jobs typically ended with my semen in a plastic cup. I supposed that it was Athena's way to avoid making a mess. I'd come back to work flushed on a regular basis. My coworkers may have suspected that I was getting some lunchtime nookie, but I doubt that they imagined me spending my lunch strapped to a table getting my hair lasered off. The aspect that kept it freshly exciting for me was that she worked on many different parts of my body. In due course, my legs, my butt, my chest, my back, my arms, my underarms, and my balls, yes, even my balls, were completely denuded. I was turned-on because she was turned-on. The fact that I might regret it later made it all the more erotic to me. In between sessions, I rationalized it by acknowledging that I did really like the feeling of not having hair on my body. What I wasn't sure about, however, was the appearance of it. My arms and legs looked feminine without hair. This wasn't a big deal at work, where I wore a suit and tie, but was noticeable at other times. In social situations, when I was wearing a short-sleeved shirt or shorts, I would sometimes get asked by friends whether I had suddenly taken up competitive swimming. I was embarrassed by the appearance at times, but the damage was done, too late to go back. At least I have memories of those lunchtime sessions in the clinic that will last a lifetime, I thought. Spent with a lunatic, live-in girlfriend. I'd occasionally get a random treatment other than hair removal at the clinic. Sometimes Athena would give me a quick B12 injection into the butt for energy. One time, there was an "injection party" for a type of filler called "Bellafill". Athena insisted on buying a couple syringes of it for me. "Injection party" just meant that the clinic bought a batch in bulk, and invited clients to receive injections at a reduced rate on a given day. I asked Athena, "Why do I need Bellafill?" She replied, "You don't need Bellafill or anything for that matter! But I would like to get some Bellafill to plump up your lips just a touch. There won't be much difference to your appearance, but I'd love to have your plumped-up lips pressed up against my own. I'd love to have them on my body. It turns me on just thinking about it!" We discussed it further, because I was OK with a subtle difference in concept, but I didn't want it to be obvious at work that my lips had been plumped. In the end, I consented. The difference turned out to be noticeable, but not dramatically so. We fell into routine living, and then one weekend, we went to a summer movie that inspired Athena to instigate some further changes. The movie starred Kate Beckinsale, who sported a corset while killing vampires. As we were leaving the movie, Athena spoke to me, "this has provided me with a great idea for our Halloween costumes this year." "You're crazy, Halloween is still 4 months away!" I said. I continued, "Anything in that movie is going to be over-done this year." "True," Athena replied. She continued, "But I love corsets, and I love Halloween, and I think it would be fun to get you in a corset as Selene. And I'd like to take on the role of the male vampire, Kraven. Our costumes will stand out. We will have authentic corsets! We will both be cross- dressed! With your hairless body and 4 months to prepare, I bet we could make you look quite convincing! Your long dark hair already fits the part!" I replied, "Hmmm. I haven't really cross-dressed before, except as a joke where I more or less looked clearly like a guy in a dress. That was one Halloween way back when I was in college. I didn't even bother to shave my legs or my beard. I didn't even attempt make-up either. I'm not sure how I feel about actually embracing the role and trying to look convincing as a female, out in public." Athena: "What are you afraid of? It's just a costume! Are you worried about how others will judge you? You should be concerned mostly about me! I think it will be the most fun that we can have as a couple. Getting ready for the event and pulling it off will be so much fun!" Athena: "Dr. Green at our clinic always has a stellar party, and no one there is going to judge you. We do our business with the trans community, after all." Me: "OK. I guess you're right. It's probably just a macho part of me that isn't comfortable being seen as a female in public. Why is it that you think it will be so much fun though? What part of this is so exciting to you?" Athena: "I'm glad you asked those questions. They are easy to answer! I'm excited about many facets, but one in particular is that some of my favorite experiences in life are reserved only for women. Most men never get to feel what I feel. I want you to experience what women go through in our attempt to look cute in public. I also want you to feel the power of it, of being in public as a female, how people react to you. People will pay attention to you, just for the price of putting a little effort into fashion and trying to look pleasing to the eye." Athena: "This experience is a gift that I can give to you, if temporarily. Halloween provides a perfect opportunity for us! Even if you feel uncomfortable, at least you will have gained an appreciation of what us women go through in our daily lives. If you feel comfortable, who knows, maybe you'll want to spend EVERY Halloween as female. Maybe you'll want to transition! I would support your transition wholeheartedly. I could hook you up in no time flat at our clinic!" Me: "Athena, you are so twisted. I mean SO twisted. That first part makes sense, I think, about sharing experiences. But the second part is insane. I'm perfectly happy as a male. Not even thinking about quote 'transitioning'. Where the hell did that come from? Your reality is skewed because you deal with so many transitioning patients every day. To you it seems entirely normal to transition, when in reality it's a very small percentage of people that feel that they need to change their gender." Athena: "Let's not start a fight. You know how I feel about transgender patients. It IS normal. They ARE normal. There's NOTHING wrong with my patients. You don't need to feel like 'you are a woman trapped in a man's body to transition'. That's entirely pass?. People transition for many different reasons. In my book, it's enough just to know that you would enjoy life as the other gender more than you enjoy life as your current gender. I think there is a revolution coming, where we will see many more transgender patients than we do currently, but let's not get into that right now. Everybody is entitled to their own opinion. Rational people act in their own best interest, unless acting in their own interest is hurtful to others." Athena: "You currently have no experience about what life is like as a female in our society. Therefore, you have no basis to know whether you might want to transition or not. All I am saying is that either way, I support you. I like you as you are, but I think you'd make a hottie as a female version of 'you'. I know I would also like that." Me: "You're crazy, but I love you." Chapter 3: Waist-Training 101 Shortly after we decided that I would try to pull off the Selene character as a Halloween costume, Athena brought me to a custom corset-making shop in San Francisco's Hayes Valley neighborhood. The tailors at the shop knew Athena, as she was already a regular customer. I was embarrassed during the fitting session while Athena explained to the staff that I would be going as Selene from Underworld for Halloween. The staff didn't bat an eyelash. It'd be a big understatement to say that San Francisco is accepting of gender-bending. The fitting session was completed and the bill was due. I couldn't believe how much it cost! It came to $800! Athena paid for it in an instant. "How many of these do you already own?" I asked. To which she did not reply. The corset arrived in a couple weeks, and Athena started me "waist training". This meant that she would lace me into the corset in the morning, and I was instructed to wear it for a minimum of 10 hours per day. For the first time in my career, I was thankful that I needed to wear a suit at work! It might have been otherwise difficult to hide the fact that I was wearing a corset every day. The intended result was to reduce my waist by a few inches, so that I would look more convincingly female in proportion by the time that Halloween rolled around. Wearing a custom-made corset for waist training was, to be honest, one of the most interesting experiences in my life. When properly laced, it felt snug, but not uncomfortable. At least that's how it felt when I was first laced-in every morning. There were things that I could do that would make it extremely uncomfortable. If I ate a muffin in the morning, or any large portion of food, I would soon find myself in pain. The corset demanded small portions for meals. Eating a whole bagel was entirely out of the question, the consequential pain would be too severe. In addition to restricting diet, the corset reduces waist circumference by essentially bending a person's low ribs inward. I noticed that if I sat for a long period of time, my lower ribs would become quite sore. I noticed that wearing the corset also affected my breathing, which was made shallower. Sometimes I worried that I might pass out at work. I had nightmares of my co-workers trying to resuscitate me, where they would inevitably find my secret garment in the process. I became worried that some of my coworkers may have suspected, because I could never slouch when I was wearing my corset, and it made bending over awkward. I couldn't articulate my spine while wearing my corset, so I needed to kneel down to pick up stray objects that fell on the floor. I never realized how often I needed to pick things up until this experience! At night time, it was a relief to take it off. Unlacing at night was usually followed by the sexual Olympics that had so far persisted in my relationship with Athena. Truly, I was happy with this new routine in my life! I began to notice that my torso actually did appear to be taking on the contour of the inside of the corset. Before long, I had 'closed' my first corset. This meant that the original 3" gap between the back panels could now be easily laced closed. This also meant that I already needed a smaller-sized corset. Athena promptly had me back in the corset shop, where I was fitted for a smaller size. In a way, I was feeling kind of proud of the progress that I had made. It required a lot of discipline. One day at work, during my training, something happened that sparked unusual feelings in me. One of the admins, named Lisa, came to work wearing a corset that was clearly visible under her blazer. Beneath the corset, she wore a tightly-fitting, knit top. I was curious, and I made excuses to frequently go out the front door of the office to check out her outfit. I noticed that other men in the office seemed to be doing the same. Their interest was no doubt different than mine. I could relate to the admin; they probably just thought that the corset looked hot on her. At lunch, in the building's cafeteria, I overheard Lisa talking to her group of friends about her corset. She was telling them that she had been "stealthing" her corset on occasion, under her outfits. She decided that she was going to occasionally wear her corset as part of her outfit. The conversation went back-and-forth about the pros and cons of corsets. Some of the women thought that corsets were a ridiculous relic of past. Others could see the benefits and allure. I wanted to jump into the conversation, but I knew that it would be way too weird. When I look back on it, this might have been my first experience identifying with women. I wanted to be part of the conversation, but I couldn't. Part of me wanted to just own that I was wearing a corset, but another part of me knew that this could easily make me an outcast at work. This was true even in an uber-accepting environment in a San Francisco office building. I would remain permanently in stealth mode, I thought. I couldn't share my progress with these women. I thought about it more. For males at my company, a standard suit and tie was required. It wouldn't look fashionable to wear a corset on the outside of a button-down shirt under a suit jacket. The only way that I could wear a corset in public, in an office environment like mine, would be to wear it with a female outfit. Transitioning was acceptable, but bad fashion was not. This was just the way it was in our society. Looking back on it, I believe that this could have been the very first time that thoughts like this occurred to me. Chapter 4: HRT 101 During the initial period of waist training, my body hair was mostly gone, and I only needed to show up at the clinic for touch-ups. Athena and I were both missing our noon time hook-ups that were no longer a part of our weekly routine. She confided in me, "Hey, your figure is looking awesome. I love your hairless body. I love your plump lips. Your waist line is coming along nicely. How about we go further, since there's been a lot of fun but no downside so far?" Me: "What do you suggest?" Athena: "Let's do your beard with LHR. It will save you the hassle of shaving. It will feel great when we are kissing and when you are going down on me. It will make it a hell of a lot easier to pass when we do our thing at Halloween." I considered... This was a pretty big step, I thought. Men naturally have beards. Women naturally do not. I was curious though. I found myself WANTING to pass at Halloween, to look like an actual female. I wanted to look better in a corset than Lisa, our office admin, because I thought that I COULD. And beard removal would certainly help me to appear feminine. And it would feel fantastic for me and my lover. And I would also get the benefits of several lunch time hook-ups. Athena looked shocked when I responded with, "OK, let's do it! What have I got to lose?" "I was expecting more resistance, but I can't wait to have your face hairless!" she exclaimed. A few days later, I walked to my clinic for my first session of facial LHR. In my corset, I couldn't walk the hills of San Francisco as quickly as I could before, because I would get out-of-breath rather quickly at my pre-corset pace. So now it took me more like 13 minutes to make the walk that used to require 10. I arrived at the clinic, was greeted by Athena, and was led into the usual LHR room. I instinctively hopped up on the exam table, sans stirrups. We didn't have our usual sexual encounter during our session, instead Athena quickly finished and then spoke to me about something that she said was on her mind. She started, "I've been giving it some thought, and there's one more thing we can do to help you 'pass' on Halloween." "What's that?" I said suspiciously. Athena: "One dose of hormones would do you wonders! Softer skin. A bit of a glow. You'll get to experience, at least for a little while, the 'feeling' of being a woman. Estrogen affects your thinking and emotions. Little harm if you don't like it. With one course of hormones, you probably won't have long term sexual effects. Your body won't change much, except for softer skin." Athena: "I have to admit, I thought about this possibility months ago. I already submitted those plastic containers of your semen for storage in a cryo bank. I wanted you to have options! It's possible that even one dose could affect your fertility." Coming from anyone else this would have been an insane suggestion, but I thought that I knew where Athena's heart was. She wanted to share her life experience with me, I thought. This included what it feels like to be a girl. At this point, I honestly wasn't sure how far I was willing to go. So far, I had enjoyed everything, and I didn't feel like I was going to have any big regrets. 6 months earlier, I would have scoffed at a suggestion that I try female hormones for a test run. Now I was seriously considering it. "What about our sex life?" I asked. I was hoping that she hadn't thought of this and that she would back-away from this potentially dangerous idea. Athena: "I think that our sex life is great because our relationship is on solid ground. We communicate about everything and we enjoy each other in many ways. We're in love. Even if HRT prevents you from having as many amazing erections, there are other things we can do to satisfy each other. It might open doors to other parts of your sex life that you didn't even know existed! This may turn out to be tremendously satisfying." Me: "Would it make you happy?" Athena: "I'm happy already. I think it would be fun to try it out, though. But it is 100% up to you." Me: "Let me think about it." Athena: "OK, but I prepared a dose right here hoping that you would say yes. I could do it right now and be done in about 8 minutes." When she said this, I got an instant erection. It turned me on that she was so aggressive. It turned me on that I might make a choice that I would actually regret. It even turned me on that hormones might help me to look convincing in female presentation. Unfortunately, Athena noticed my hard- on, and she took this as a sign that I was on board. The ball was now in her court. She commanded, "OK, let's get your corset off. Pants and briefs also." She helped me unlace and remove my corset. I took off my pants and boxer- briefs. "Now onto the exam table, on your back." I followed instructions, and she started stroking my hard-on rhythmically. "This first injection is going to hurt a bit." I usually have a high threshold for pain, but when she pinched my stomach and jabbed a large diameter needle in, I almost screamed. "That was the worst part," Athena said. "Now roll over on your side." Again, I complied. "OK just some small pricks here, and then we need to wait a few minutes." I felt a couple pricks in my butt. A few minutes passed, all while she was teasing me with her stroking. She kept me aroused but a solid distance away from orgasm. She spoke again, "may feel some pressure here." I did feel pressure, on my butt. I was still on my side, and she had been on the side of the table that my butt was facing, putting something into me. Now she walked around to the side of the table that I was facing. She took off her skirt and panties. "On your back," she said. I rolled onto my back, and she climbed on, and mounted me. My erection was throbbing. She started riding me, slowly, while describing what she had put into me. "The first injection, in the stomach, is called Zoladex. It's a GNRH agonist. It's going to cause you to have a spike in testosterone for about a week, and then shut down your 'T' entirely for about 4 months. It's a bad-ass drug!" She was very wet as she said this. Much wetter than usual, I remember. I wasn't intending to try out HRT for so long. This made me even more turned on, because I figured it was out of my control, given that I had already been injected. She continued to ride me, and started to inform me about the other injection, "I put 10 pellets of bio-identical estrogen in the subcutaneous fat on your butt. These last about 4 months. Soon, you will have a chance to REALLY feel like a woman!" I orgasmed really, really, really intensely right when she said that. She orgasmed in unison. For my part, that was probably the most intense orgasm that I've ever had or ever will have. We cleaned up, and she gave me a long kiss. The kiss was followed by a long hug. She spoke softly to me, "I know you may be having some second thoughts, but I think you are going to enjoy the ride that I just started you on. I'm very excited for you and for the new chapter in our relationship." Chapter 5: Female Puberty 101 I felt like a super-man for about a week after my HRT injections. I assumed that this was the testosterone spike from the Zoladex. I did some research, and this turned out to be an extremely potent drug. It was generally used to shut down testosterone production in men who suffered from prostate cancer. It also had an off-label use for in male-to-female transgender patients. Having been injected with this meant that after my initial spike, I would have close to zero testosterone in my system for the next 4 months. About a week after being injected, I could tell exactly when the drop in my testosterone occurred. I woke up with no morning wood, and my nipples felt like they were on fire. Yes, it was true that the trial would have me feeling and thinking like a woman. Whatever that means! It also meant that I would be more-or-less going through female puberty for the next 4 months. For about a month after I felt my testosterone drop, I was a mess. I was extremely moody. I lacked energy. I slept a lot more than usual. I wasn't as motivated to exercise. My chest started itching like mad. I even found a few pimples on my face. I hadn't had any pimples since my natural, male puberty. I also wasn't quite as horny as I had been before. I had a trouble keeping sustained erections. Athena handled this awesomely. She always found a way to get me off, even if she had to resort to sucking or just pressing on my limp penis. I started to go down on her more frequently. Sex was different than before. Less intense. On the other hand, our sessions often lasted a lot longer than before. That is, the actual pleasure lasted longer. I started to feel more sensitive in areas of my body aside from just my penis during sex. This was a new experience for me. My emotions and energy started to level off and feel "normal" after a month. One weekend, near the end of September, Athena suggested that I dress up as female in presentation, and that we take a shopping trip as two girlfriends. I was intrigued by the idea. By this point I had put so much time into LHR and waist training. And I had paid the price of feeling like shit during my first month on female HRT. I saw the possibility of presenting as female in public, convincingly I hoped, as a kind of payoff for my efforts. Also, I had started to notice the effects of the HRT. My skin had softened. My butt seemed to have gained some circumference. My face seemed to have 'chubbed out' a bit. I think that a part of me may have wanted to show off these budding traits. Athena told me that it would be a cake-walk for me to present as female, so long as I didn't opt for an over-the-top outfit on my first try. She helped me by purchasing clothes for me before our trip. She bought a pair of ankle boots with about a 2 3/4" heel, a pair of black NYJD shorts in my size, sheer black pantyhose, and a black knit top with some lace detail near the top. She also bought a blazer that helped to hide the fact that my shoulders and upper arms were somewhat large by female standards. To fill out the outfit, Athena put careful consideration into my undergarments. On the bottom, I wore two pairs of tight-fitting shapewear panties. I needed to 'tuck my junk' to get a flat front. Once tucked, the shapewear held me firmly in place. Pantyhose was then pulled up over my shapewear panties. Before I started hormones, if I would have had an inclination to try an outfit like this, there would have been a serious risk that an erection during the day would cause a bulge or even some serious pain. I was pretty sure, by this point, that I would be safe in my tucking for our shopping trip. Up top, Athena found a padded bra in my band size. I didn't fill out the cups, so these were filled with 'cutlets' that Athena had picked up when she purchased the bra. I was nervous yet excited the morning of our shopping trip. Athena spent more than an hour doing my makeup after I put my outfit on. I looked convincing enough, but when we went out in public for the first time, the fa?ade fell apart. We were at Stonestown Galleria mall near Union Square in San Francisco, and it felt like everyone was staring at me. I was extremely self-conscious. If this was what it felt like to be a woman in public, then I wanted no part of it! It was 10:30AM on a Saturday. Thankfully, the mall wasn't crowded yet. Athena found a bench that we could sit on, away from people, and gave me a pep talk. "Look," she said, "the only thing that is giving you away is your confidence. You can rock that outfit and rock this day, and no one will see you as male, but you have to OWN it. Even if somebody does 'clock' you, they won't care or say anything if you just own it. Owning it will even make people doubt themselves, if they suspect you might be a male presenting as female. Just relax. Relax a lot. Enjoy yourself. You've got this! This is fun! Oh, and just one style-point, you need to take smaller steps. You're walking like man. When you wear heels, you need to take shorter strides to look feminine. There you go!" We then found a place to have a champagne Mimosa, which took the edge off my nervousness. I started to feel more confident. As the day progressed, I started to actually enjoy the experience. We spent the day building a starter female wardrobe for future appearances of my female alter-ego, who we called "Leona". I picked up shoes, skirts, tops, dresses, and makeup. A ton of makeup. I even got my ears pierced! (I hoped that my hair would adequately cover the holes while at work.) One of the makeup stores that we visited offered weekly makeup application classes on Monday nights. I decided to sign up for the next class. I planned to go there by myself, presenting as female in appearance, in just two days. I was thinking about all the work that it took to make a convincing appearance, the laser hair removal, the corset training, the hormones. That work was done now, and I found that I was enjoying our shopping trip. So why not enjoy more? I wanted to strike out on my own for an experience. I was feeling confused. Did I really enjoy being a woman in public? Or was it just the thrill of a new experience? Could I be convincing on my own, without leaning on Athena as a crutch? I could only answer these questions by spending more time presenting as a female in public. Epilogue It turned out that the more time I spent in public as a female, the more I enjoyed it. I didn't even miss my formerly high sex drive. Halloween didn't turn out to be quite the experience that Athena had planned for, because by the time it came around, I was already comfortable presenting as a female in public. Our costumes looked convincing, but it felt normal to me to be in female clothes by that point. I even had new friends from my makeup class that knew me only as Leona in my female presentation. When the 4-month mark came up recently, my hormone implants were about to run out, and I faced a choice about whether to stop or continue. I decided to continue. Truth was clear to me: I simply have more fun as my female self than as my male-self. I like the changes. Even the breast growth! I want more of it all! I don't want to let go of my new group of female friends. I am curious to have more experiences as the female version of me. Decision has been made, I'm going to officially transition soon. I've already submitted my name-change paperwork. I've already requested a meeting with my Human Resources representative to let her know that I will be transitioning on the job. I can't wait to be able to be my authentic self at work! I can't wait to wear dresses and female office attire so that I can feel like my true self. When Athena asked me to write this, to add to her growing list of personal experiences with her patients, I had one question for her, "Why do you consider estrogen to be a weapon?" "Isn't it obvious?" she asked. She received a blank stare from me for a reply. Athena: "I guess maybe it isn't obvious because it isn't a weapon like a gun or a bomb or a laser beam. I sure do feel powerful when I wield that injection needle though. By the time I have a male patient ready for injection, I know that their thinking is going to change, their physical body is going to change, and their whole life is going to change. I've had many experiences, not just yours, where my male patients probably thought that they would stop taking female hormones after their 4-month 'trial'. So far, no one has stopped. They always want more." Athena: "In your case, I saw something in you. I knew you could be a hottie as a female. I thought you would enjoy female experiences tremendously. I doubt I could have ever convinced you, entirely on my own, to transition. But after less than three months on hormones, I didn't even need to convince you. You wanted more of what you were experiencing for the first time in your life. You decided to transition for yourself! So, I feel like I used the implants as a weapon to get what I wanted, in the timeframe that I wanted." Me: "If you say so, dear. I don't see myself as defiant though. I've enjoyed our experiences through and through. So far. Maybe someday you can tell me more about the longer-term decisions that some of your patients have made with you influence. I'm interested to hear about castration, breast augmentation, gender reassignment surgery. Some of those are probably in my future, I realize." Athena: "The medical term for castration is 'orchiectomy'. And yes, it would be perfectly appropriate for you at this point. It's a simple procedure, we could probably schedule you next week!" Me: "Cool your jets! This part isn't about me, I was just suggesting other stories that I'd like to hear from you." Athena: "Oh." Me: "Maybe someday you can tell me about one of your experiences with someone more defiant than me. It's hard for me to believe that your so- called weapon is as effective as you say it is."