Be Sarah Chapter 4 free porn video

Be Sarah Chapter 4 Audrey Salk woke up with a little grin on her face. She knew last night, at worst, she found a lifelong friend in Mike Cornette; and at best, she found someone to share her life with. The connection between those two was not love at first sight. Mike was not the type of man who women would mistake lust for love. The aspiring doctor would never be mistaken for a man who would woo a woman; Mike was a courting type of man. Wooing was just not Mike's style. The qualities which men used to woo: flashiness, pretentiousness, and arrogance were all insignificant to him. When a man woos a woman, he won her over with style over substance. To Mike style was a bright light which died out in a moment while substance was a steady light which last. Most of the time, a person who was more concerned about style, wanted a sprint of a relationship, Mike wanted a marathon. Mike wanted to earn a woman's love by the substance of who he was. Plus, Mike had no time for a woman who was worried about if her man was wearing a Tapout shirt. He much rather be with a woman who was concerned about the man inside the plain white t-shirt. Now courting is a different story, what was needed to do so was in Mike's Wheelhouse. Audrey's fellow future med student was the type of man who made people around him feel comfortable and safe in being who they are. He brought out the best in others. Courting someone did not depend on being flashy and Mike would take someone saying he was vanilla as a complement. Those people who did not like vanilla took being low-key as being boring. They also thought that the classic somehow goes out of style. When that guy who was wearing a Tapout shirt changed to fit the newest trend, Mike was stayed the same. Even with they're not being a fire burning between those two, Audrey had felt a little spark. The explosion which comes from having a burning desire was great. It never lasts and most of the time caused more pain than pleasure for one or both of the people involved. Meanwhile a little spark was what any good fire, which gave warmth and heat, started with. Warmth and heat was what made love grow. Love in turn made the ordinary extraordinary. That grin on her face grew a little bigger and stronger when she checked her emails while drinking her morning coffee. Mike sent her an email to set up them getting together to study this week. In a matter of fact manner, which did not come off as him trying to be nonchalant, he mention how much he enjoyed spending time with her after Ronnie's get together and he was looking forward to spending more time with her again. For a moment, the lady who wanted to see where this new friendship would go, was going to wait until later to write back. She wanted to play it cool. Then she thought better of it, finding out what was going to become between those two was not a game. Mike impressed her by being himself, so she should do the same. After hitting send key, the grin on her face again became a little bigger and stronger. If it kept on growing it would soon become a smile. ************ That Sunday started as a repeat of yesterday morning with Cara waking up before Sarah. All she could think about was how those two started their day yesterday. It was the best sex she ever had and she wanted more. Even with the pleasure of momentarily becoming one with her other half being so spectacular, Cara did not want it to happen again. She was finally feeling the guilt of lying with another woman as she thought about going to church. The lady's faith, which was as strong as her love for Sarah, was the cause of her guilt, knowing it was wrong. One should not feel guilty when they are innocent of a sin. The love Sarah and Cara shared could not be a sin because it made both of them better people. Their love could not be a sin for it hurt no one. Still, Cara could not do anything to lessen the guilt at that moment. Guilt leads to resentment to what causes it and Cara did not want to do anything to weaken the bond between the Giggle Twins. The lady who was lost at how to continue being with the person, who brought out the best in her and to keep her faith, knew she needed guidance. This was why she was going home next weekend. Father Salvatore Lightman would help her with this crisis. There were many reasons people go to church. For some people, it was just part of their routine. Others go to church to be seen. Then there were the church goers who went to get indulgence from their future sins. Then some people were looking for forgiveness for their transgressions. Then, a few wanted to find the strength to become better people. Also, there was the group which Cara belonged to; they went to mass to feel a connection to the divine. To feel the connection they felt with the other people via the divine. Cara walked into Our Lady of Victory church. Today was different for the lady who was having a canonical battle waging in her head. Today was about feeling the higher power but finding absolution for an act of purity. Mother Church, parts of the Bible, and so many theologians said her love was immoral, yet Jesus did not. In fact, when Jesus made a new covenant with mankind, he gave a new commandment. The new commandment boiled down to love. She loved Sarah, so why were so many people who claimed to speak for Jesus, be against two people being in love. Those people had to be the false prophet the King of Kings warn of. It was hard for Cara to feel the connection to the others parishioners today. At first, she felt the reason was for the stain on her soul from finding love. Somehow doing what was right made her turn her back on God. Then she realized, it was not her turning her back on God which made feel disconnected, but the claims of she did. If most of those people knew she was in love with a woman, they would call her a sinner. They would cast the first stone for her sin; it would be what Jesus would not do. Cara left church before extending of the sign of peace. She found herself not worthy of offering those people peace. She judged them for judging her. Right then, there was no forgiveness in her heart for those who trespassed against her. There was no way Cara could have stayed when she was denying herself what she just prayed for while saying the Our Father. Her feeling of disconnection stayed with Cara until she got back to her apartment. Waiting on the couch was Sarah with the smile of the just on her face. Right then, the connection to the divine, the connection to love, came rushing back to her like a dog greeting its owner. The weight of guilt went off of her soul as Sarah embraced her. Being in the now with Sarah was becoming how Cara connected with the divine. *********** Ronnie snuck into the kitchen; he was not in mood to whip up a huge breakfast for her boys today. Too much of a good time last night, caused him not to want to cook for more than one. There was no need for him to make anything for himself and his man, Dillon, wanted to take Ronnie to the dining commons. Ron's man wanted to show him off. Still Ronnie wanted to make a special breakfast for the other special man in her life, Mike. Robby, Bobby, Ricky and Mike did call themselves Ronnie's boys at home. This was a playful way to acknowledge Ronnie was like a den mother to them. That relationship was more intense with Mike and him. They both knew and enjoyed how strong their bond became. Ronnie was Mike's proxy mom. At first Ronnie thought Mike was joking when he told his mother figure when he got married, he wanted to do the mother-son dance at his wedding with Ronnie. The man who was going to put together a nice little breakfast was happy he did not laugh at hearing it. Ronnie saw how serious Mike was, and was proud to think of him not only as his friend, but as his son. Now Ronnie was looking forward to that dance. Ronnie wanted to make French toast with caramelized bananas for Mike. He was the bigger man yesterday dealing with the Gord. Ronnie would not have blamed Mike if he told that boy he was not welcome to step into this house again. Ron knew anyone who treated him like The Gord treated Mike, would had been a vampire and not been able to cross the threshold. Even with him scolding Bobby, Ronnie could not help but be proud of his boys standing up for their little clan. How adamant Bobby made her know that those four have given Mike what he desired, a family. Then when Bobby backed down after seeing Mike was fine with The Gord staying, added to his sense of pride for Bobby. Bobby's actions were based on doing what was right for others, not to win points or to feel good about himself. The little treat was cooked and as expected only Mike was up. Her other three boys were trying to untie the one which they tied on last night. Mike was using his free time wisely and studying some before he started his real work for the day, goofing off. With the sweet smell of the caramelized bananas hit the nose buried in a book, it dug itself out of his physiology book to investigate. Ronnie offered breakfast to Mike and more than happy to accept the unexpected treat. He knew that his friend was also feeling guilty about something. The last thing the man who treated Ronnie like a mother wanted was him to feel bad. "Ronnie, is everything alright?" Trying to laugh it off Ronnie said, "Yeah, can't a friend just make another friend their favorite breakfast?" "Oh they can, but not sneak around when doing it. You wanted this to be a treat for only me, didn't you?" "Yes, I just want to make sure you know that I have your side. If you wanted The Gord out of here last night, it would have happened." Having what Mike knew reaffirmed made the man smile. "I know that. I do not care about what happened last year. It was more important that everyone got along than me not being around him. It was not like I had to do any real interactions with him. Ronnie, I know you have my back. I know you want what is best for me. Don't worry about it. Last night was great and I am so happy that you got along with all of Dillon's friends." Ronnie knew the son he never had wanted to change topics. "I am happy that you and Audrey got along fine also." ************ Darla Young wanted to go to the store on Sunday morning for provisions. She was going to make a feast this coming Friday and wanted to make sure her pantry had everything which was needed. It would be in honor of her son, James, coming home for the weekend. There would be hunky hand grenades, stuffed peppers, kielbasa, pirogues and his favorite sweets. plum and rose hips paczkis. This was the third year that Darla would have the feast. It was a tradition and did so for all of her children on their first visit home during a school year. The lady who loved to have her house filled with her family and food could not understand the resistance her husband, Marcus, had for the gathering. Then again, she did not understand why he was harder on James than their other three children. Marcus never told his wife why and was going to take that shame with him to his grave. He caught James having tea with his cousin while wearing a dress. No son of his was going to be weak! Marcus had to be a blacksmith with James and forge him into a man. The scabbard his son would wear would be pants not a dress. It pained Marcus to be distant to James, but it was for the boy's good. James was going to be a man, a good strong man even if it meant no real relationship between father and son. Darla was getting as impatient as a straight A student waiting to get the go ahead to start the SAT and finally said. "Marcus quit watching the pregame show and get ready to go shopping with me." "You don't need to go shopping." "Yes I do, I am going to start to get the food Friday." "Don't tell me you are cooking something special just because James is coming home. You should not make such a big deal about it. He is a man." "You know I am. All our kids are going to be under this roof with their spouses and our grandchildren." "You always try to spoil James. He needs to be tough." "I never try to spoil James. I treated all of kids the same. You never had an issue when I did this for Simon, Jacob and Ruth." "I should have. A son coming home to visit their parent from college is not a big deal so nothing special." As she grabbed her car keys, "Fine, nothing special for you on Friday. I am going shopping." Marcus liked those words as much as the Wicked Witch of the West liked water. He loved his wife's cooking all those eastern European dishes. "You mean no hunky hand grenades?" "Yes, no stuffed cabbage for you. It is nothing special for James to come home and you are not helping out one bit. I think you need a little toughening up." "Ok, let me finish my coffee and we will get going." ************* The Gord woke up Sunday feeling worse than any hangover he had before. It was not as much fun as he thought it would be watching over his frat. Most of his brothers were fine, but a couple of them got too drunk and acted really stupid and were too loud. That along with coming face to face with Mike last night made him think how they made such a wrong decision on who was worthy to be a brother. The talk he had with The Villain about running into the blast from the past made The Gord looked past how bad the party was affecting him. Thinking of how his brother laughed hearing about the Patsy made the Gord know he had to be the agent of change which he wanted. More strength came from the fact that BNB thought he could change the Alpha house for the better. The Villain helped the man who was becoming Ryan Gordon learn a valuable lesson. Just because someone was nice and charming towards you did not mean they are a good person. The Gord also knew that the friendship between those two brothers was slowing eroding away. They were slipping into the frenemy stage of becoming strangers who used to know each other. For a split second, The Gord could not believe how hard The Villain laughed, hearing about him running into The Patsy. Then, The Gord knew up to a couple of weeks ago, he would had initiated the laughing. Then it dawned on him, he would had been laughing too, once he was told who Mike was to him. The man who knew that only people with low self esteem laughed at putting down others, told the little boy in front of him to stop. The Villain thought that The Gord needed to lighten up, so he joked about how they should had pull a Gord, and put The Patsy in a dress. How The Villain saw wearing a piece of clothing as demeaning, got to The Gord even more. He just spent the night with some people who were like Peter, great and now he was with someone who was acting like Ivan, terrible. Two of those people The Villain looked down upon, were people that were better than him. The Gord was loading his and Lexie's laundry in the washer, when BNB found him. Even with taking some time off last night from watching over the frat, BNB had his ravens report back to him on how The Gord was handling his trial by fire. Their findings pleased BNB and wanted to make sure The Gord knew he was pleased with a job well done. BNB stated, "Hey there The Gord, last night was great. Thanks for taking over as hall monitor for a while. You did a great job." The Gord was making the common mistake most people did when they tried something new. The man who felt like he did not know what he was doing last night, dwelled on what he did wrong, instead of what he did right. "Thanks but it could have went better." "Yeah, it could of but that could be said when I play the host also. You did great. No fights and only one person threw up. Plus, you got underneath The Villain's skin." "I cannot believe him. I told him about running into Mike Cornette last night and he laughed about it. Then, he said we should have pulled The Gord on him. I am happy that hazing has been culled back a lot so we would not do that cruel trick on anyone else." Hearing how The Villain acted like he should have been with the Bear in a Big Blue House instead of a frat house, gave BNB the opportunity to find an excuse to finally cross-dress. He wanted to make sure he did not come off as too eager in his reply and said, "Oh, we were not going to even if we could have. I was not going to allow it. I know how to fix him and those who think like him. Our Halloween party this year is going to be a drag one for the men. It would stop anyone of even thinking of pulling The Gord. Plus, it will help you become the next President of this frat." "How so?" replied The Gord. "Simple, people will not bring up you being a serving wench when you were a pledge." "You want me to be president?" "Yes, the last couple of weeks you have changed. You can keep the frat on the path I put it on. You will be able to bring in more like minded people to work towards the change we need here. We can talk more about this when we watch the games in TV room today." The Gord found being invited to watch the games with BNB awesome. It meant that his friend wanted to mentor him. Plus, there was the added bonus with BNB having Sunday Ticket, they would be able to switch to any game which was on. The Gord would get to watch his Ravens play. "I will see you at 1." he replied. ************* Sunday was exactly what both Sarah and Cara needed, just a relaxing day of doing nothing. Even with being more comfortable being out and about, doing so was so draining on Sarah. Hiding in plain sight like she did, while helping the sisters of Eta Omicron with baking and the sale, was fun. Sarah also had to pay attention to her actions the entire time. She was ready to act like who she was in public but not ready to be known for who she was. Cara just enjoyed being in touch with the divine. It was good to feel the love which one should have for their fellow humans. It made the world seem brighter and that somehow, humanity will always listen to the better angels of our nature. Even with feeling this way, Cara knew she was still going to need to talk to Father Lightman next weekend. They made Camp Giggle Twin on the couch and did not leave it the entire day. Audrey and Lilith came by to visit them. Everyone, including the lady who said it, was a little surprised at what Cara's girlfriend said when Lilith brought up The Gord's frat brother Ben, better known as BNB. The lady who never talked about boys said he was hot. Those words were so embarrassing to Sarah, not because they were about a man. Also, not for she was being shallow and talking only about his looks; it was for she only wanted to be with Cara. The lady who owned Sarah's heart quickly added, "Sarah Sweetheart I agree. You have great taste in men." Cara's words were like the moon and made the feeling of embarrassment act like the tide, they came in and then went away. It was fine for her to look at men, just like it was fine for Cara to do the same. "I do, but my taste in women is so much better, Kochanie." The little exchange between Cara and Sarah would have been too sweet for anyone if it did not come off as being as natural as Steve Martin's hair color. Even Lilith did not get a little bit of a gag reflex from it. In fact, even if her mood was not sweeten by her feeling for Ben, she still would had found what Sarah said charming. She knew her newest sister just shared a rite of passage into womanhood with her. ************** Jason Harris was happy that Monday morning finally came. He would have some freedom for a couple of hours. It was not he had to get back to his apartment a half hour after his last class which made him feel like he had restrictions; it was having to wear pants. In truth, he did not have to wear pants but Jason did not want anyone to see his court mandated fashion statement around his ankle. He showed up for his first class, Advanced Taxation, and saw his friend, Robert Butler, not sitting in his normal seat. Instead of being in the back, Robert, was upfront surrounded by other students. Those two sat together in any classes they took together. Jason went to talk to Rob to see why the new seating arrangement. Jason did not like his friend's shoulder was like gazpacho towards him. There was no need to be distant. Rob knew Jason was innocent. How could he not, Jason's friend did the same trick a couple of times to seal the deal. Rob doing the same trick was exactly the reason he was staying away from Jason. Yeah, his friend was getting a bum deal, but there was no way Rob was taking any chance of getting sucked into the investigation. Now was not the time to tell Jason that so Rob would stop over to see him later today. After getting nothing of substance from Rob, Jason went to the back and took his normal seat. Even with people sitting one row in front of him, Jason knew he was all alone at that moment. It made the man who was free, feel like he was in solitary confinement. Later that night, Rob did show up at Jason's to see his friend. Even with not wanting to be associated with Jason in public, he felt for his friend who was getting a bad rap. Rob wanted to let Jason know he had his best friend's support, just as long as it wasn't too much of a hassle. Also, he wanted to give Jason the notes for the classes he missed. Jason should not be behind in classes just because some slut was crying foul. ************ Peanut was sitting in the common room and got an email from [email protected] and checked it out. The subject was Halloween Party and all he could think of was cool beans. Unlike most of the frat members who wanted to see the good girls dress like sluts, Peanut loved Halloween parties for he got to dress up in a costume. It was just like playing cowboy when he was a toddler. Heck, he was going to be a cowboy at the party. Just thinking of saying what in the 'tarnation', 'hankering and fixin' made him want to say, 'yippee ki yay'. Then he read the email and saw the sheriff of his frat declared the party a drag one. It also stated that everyone in the frat can thank The Villain for the theme. If he was so eager to put men in dresses, why not have everyone in one. Peanut being Peanut took it literal and blurted out, "Thank you The Villain, I am going to be a hippie chick." Peanut's superpowers were at work again when the Villain said, "Why are you thanking me about you going to be a hippie chick, dude? That is just the female Peanut." Peanut grinned. "Oh I guess you did not read the email. This year's Halloween party is going to be a drag party. BNB told us to thank you, with you always wanting to put men in dresses. What is up with that? And I am not going to be a hippie chick, but a female peanut, Lucy." The Villain got as pissed off a woman who drunken husband cost her a promotion when Peanut started to do the Charlie Brown dance while humming the Peanut song do-do-do-do-do-do-do do-do-do. BNB was making him look like his namesake. That was going to hurt his chances of being President of the frat next year. He hated seeing Alpha house becoming more worried anything other than having a good time. "Quit it Peanut. The Halloween party is not going to be a drag one!" Peanut knew he found himself a new hobby, annoying The Villain. It was fun to do, plus that dude was always trying to do the same to others. "Blockhead it will be so. Now, I am going to get back to dancing." The Fonger, Matt and even Hoghead started to laugh. The Villain expected the first two to laugh, they did not know any better. All their laughter did was move them up his list. Now Hoghead also, that was just wrong. In a huff The Villain left while letting out a huge "AGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH, RATS!!!!" ************** Sarah was a little nervous walking into CAPS for the second time. The first appointment she had there was talking with a general councilor about the issue she had. It was purely diagnostic to know what the best course of treatment for Sarah was. Today, was Sarah first meeting with Dr Naomi Heller. Sarah was in the waiting room, when a lady who she thought was a college student opened up Dr Heller's door. Sarah said 'yes' when asked if she had an appointment with Naomi. The lady held the door open and Sarah thought the stranger was being kind until the polite lady came in with her. This must be the psychologist. Sarah's defensives went up a little. She saw the lady as the next hurdle of becoming to be herself. "Oh you must be Dr Heller." "Yes I am, and you are." "Don't you know?" Naomi knew her attempt at making this a welcoming place for Sarah did not work. "I have read your chart, but I want to use the name which will make you the most comfortable with me. I do not want to force anything on you." Testing the water Dr Heller's patient said. "Please call me Sarah." "I will Sarah and please have a seat." Sarah saw two chairs angled at each other with a small coffee table between them. They were both exactly the same so there was no clue which one was the patient's "Which one is yours?" "Sarah, take the one which you would be most comfortable in. This is about you, not me. " Sarah picked the chair with the window behind it. Sarah smoothed the back of her pants as sat down and crossed her legs. Naomi joined her and then asked Sarah, "What is on your mind?" "How does one prove something which is intangible?" "Sarah, you need not worry about proving anything to me. I am trained to be able to diagnose mental conditions like gender dysphoria." "Dr Heller, I am not crazy." Dr Heller knew it was time to just lay all the cards out on the table. "Sarah, I know. That is why I said mental condition not mental disorder. We need to build trust between each other. I know you are scared and I'd would be worried if you were not. You are taking a big step towards a big change in your life. I am not your enemy or friend. I am your advocate, supporter, and ally. I want to do what is best for you. I am the second stage of the professional treatment. The first stage was last week with your session with Paul Greenberg. He recommended you to me for you showed him strong signs of having gender dysphoria. This treatment will be a multidisciplinary approach stage. It will include in what should be a mental health professional trained in gender dysphoria, me-a psychologists, a neuropsychiatrist, counsellors, and an endocrinologist. All these people are also your advocate, supporter, and ally. We will all be friendly to you but not your friend. I am stressing this for right now; you are lucky and have a great support group of friends. I do not want you to think that the team which is going to work with you will take their place. We cannot and you need them to know what is going on with you. Us not being a friend is not that we are cold. We cannot do what is best for you if we have too much of an emotional connection to you. Some of the professional relationship will be more personal than others. Our will be and I will be here for you, like I am for all my patients outside of our therapy sessions, when I can. I want what is best for you." "I am sorry Dr Heller. I should not be so defensive right now, but I am." "You should be for you need to defend yourself and feel threatened. Just be open to me and that defensiveness will go away. Do you want to know why I became a psychologists?" Sarah said 'yes'. She was not sold on what the lady across from her was selling. If Sarah heard some platitude, she would know to keep her wall up while trying to get over this next hurdle. "It was not to help others. It was to help one person, myself. My dad suffers from major bouts of depression. I came to learn everything I could to help him and I did. It did not change my dad from suffering from depression. He does not get the help he needs. It does change how I can be there for him. I understand him better. I can be a better part of his support system and help the other people in it." Sarah got up and gave Dr Heller a hug. Then she quickly pulled away. "I am sorry, Dr Heller. I didn't mean to cross that line. I should not have done that. I just heard the pain in your voice and wanted to do something to help you." "Sarah, the hug was fine. We are going to have a close relationship and you will be sharing so much with me. There will be many tears. I will help dry those tears." "Naomi, I keep on having what has to be a fantasy but is too real not to be a memory. It involves me, Cousin Sally and that is just strange, we were never close. That is why it has to be a fantasy but the room is always the same. The dress I am in is always the same. The dolls are always the same dolls in the same seats. The bright yellow table is always the same." "Sarah tell me about what happens in this fantasy in as much detail as you remember." "Like I said, it is always the same. It is a bright sunny day and the sunshine is coming in thru the window right onto the bright yellow play table we are sitting at. It is me and Sally, with two stuffed bears, the one on her left is a generic yellow one and the one on her right is Paddington Bear. Between me and Paddington is Snoopy. We are all having tea. My clothes are on Sally's bed and I am in one of her floral print dresses. The pedals on the flowers are a dark blue and a bright pink. It is so pretty and the pink matches the bow in my hair. The tea party we were having was a celebration, for I was made an honorary girl. When talking, she uses the name, Sarah. Sally told me it was a great honor to have me as a friend for I choose to be a girl. I remember thinking it is not my choice, it is who I am. We were making plans for our future. At Sally's wedding, I was going to be Maid of Honor and she was going to be mine, when I got married to my woman husband. We were going to raise our families together. Sally so hoped that one of her sons would be just like Aunt Sarah and find a great woman husband. I hoped that one of my daughters would grow up to be a great woman husband to a boy like me. While we were talking about how we would be friends forever, the sunshine started to be not as bright on the table. Darks clouds were rolling in. The closer the clouds came, louder became footsteps, which we started to hear at the same time. We both got scared as the footsteps got closer. Then the doorknob started to turn. Don't open the door no, don't! I was not ready for that door to open." "Sarah, does the door open?" "It never does but I get so scared just thinking of it. I never knew that people could have waking nightmares. That is the best way to describe it." "Have you ever told Sally about it." "No, for we are not close. I am going to see her when I go home this weekend and tell her about it." "Sarah only do so if you are ready to be truthful about this side of you to her. You need to be honest with her about what this is about. Also, don't give her too much information about it." "I will Naomi, why do you say this?" "To me, this sounds like a repressed memory coming to the surface. If it is, Sally might have been told not to ever say anything about it to you. If she doesn't know why, she might lie to save you from shame and embarrassment. Most men would not find wearing a dress and having a tea party, a cute story from their past. There is no way to prove it is a memory of a real event without corroborating evidence. Even if we believe it is real, it might not be. So not telling Sally that much will help not make it a false memory if it is not real. It might be a mix of a repressed memory and fantasy. Sally did use Sarah. That part sounds like it might be added to the memory." "Her using Sarah makes sense. I knew since I was young, my Mom would have named me Sarah, if I was born a girl. I mean in a girl's body. Even with saying that, I think it is a fantasy. If not, then why does it stop at the same point each time?" "It could be that you are not ready to see who saw you as who you are, Sarah." "You see me as Sarah?" "It is who you say you are and how can I expect you to trust me if I do not trust you. I am your advocate so what you say needs to be proven wrong for me not to believe it." "Even if society sees me as Sarah and knowing I am her that is not enough? I need to be able to express and project who I am. It feels so petty, but it is not enough to be seen as Sarah. It would still not be enough to be able to dress like Sarah. There is a need to have my body correspond with me being Sarah. My body needs to be Sarah's. Is it wrong to want so much?" "Is it a want or a need?" "I want to be Sarah." "You are her already. You are now finding out what you need to be Sarah. You said you need to express and project who you are and also for your body to correspond with the gender you are." Sarah waited like a driver at a yellow light to hear what else Naomi had to say. Dr Heller was not going to say anything else, the therapist's role was not to tell the patient the truth, but guide her there. Sarah needed to make this breakthrough. Sarah took the silence as the light changing green. She knew the moment was right to say what everyone in the room knew. "I need to be Sarah." Naomi was so happy to hear the huge breakthrough. She knew Sarah would make it quicker than most of her patients. It was from Sarah's unique situation. She embraced herself into being Sarah and had support and resistance to it. The support gave her the strength to explore who she was and the resistance gave her the resolve to face who she found during that weekend. "We will help you be who you are. There is much work ahead for all of us and when the time is right we will talk about it. Now if you don't mind tell me more about the women studies project." Sarah smiled when she heard Naomi say about the help. The smile got bigger when she heard the request. Sarah loved thinking about that weekend and it will be great to share the experience with someone else. The rest of the session Sarah filled in her advocate about the weekend. What she did and more specifically, how she felt during it. *************** Even with Dillon carefully thinking out doing what he was about to do, he still thought this was going to be one of those, seems like a good idea at the time moments in his life. The country boy was going to get relationship advice from his friend Paul. That would be like asking a Mormon what is the best cure for a hangover. Still, with Paul not the settle down type, the man looking for advice, knew Paul was his best option. The man behind the door, Dillon was about to knock on, was his first. To Paul, he deflowering Dillon gave those two a special connection. Even with him always trying to hook up with that stud, when he was single, Paul wanted the best for Dillon. He would help steer him to the best course of action. Dillon knocked, Paul greeted his friend with a joke. "Look who has darken my doorstep. I guess you sample others and wanted the best cocksucker, come on in. I am not too proud to not have some fun with you tonight." Then, Paul saw the look at Dillon face. It was the same let down look a child has when their parent did something embarrassing in front of their friends. "Dillon, it was a joke. I am sorry. I should have just greeted you. I need to think before I speak. I did not mean any of it and would have hated it if you joked with me that way when I have something to talk about. Come on in." Even with always flirting with Dillon, Paul knew those two were not meant to be. Dillon was the marrying type and the best Paul could be was the almost faithful man. Maybe later on in life Paul would be the settling down type but not now. "It is fine. I should have called you first." "What is on your mind Dillon." "Ronnie." "I will admit, I did not see that one coming. How catty your roommate got when flirted a little with you made me think he was going to be the one you ended up with that night. Then he left with a girl. Anyway, what about Ronni?. Please do not make me pull teeth to get it out of you. It is not that I hate you being the strong silent type that is part of your charm. It is I can tell this is serious and I want to get to heart of the matter." " I know I love him and I do not want to scare him away. I want to tell him and also invite him to come home with me for the weekend to meet the parents." "Then do it you big lunk!" Dillon laugh because hearing advice and Paul calling him a lunk, reminded him of Sarah. He was pleasantly surprised that Paul gave good advice. "I will." Paul could hear his friends being a little shocked. "Just because I am not looking for something serious right now, does not mean I do not know what to do to get it. Just be yourself and be honest. Save putting on airs and games for me. You are not fabulous enough to do so." Dillon quickly replied "Thank God for that." ****************** The time Mike and Audrey spent together on Tuesday night studying was going fast. Audrey thought studying was just going to be a pretext so they had an reason see each other; but it wasn't. Even with them not just hanging out, Audrey was not disappointed. In fact, she liked that they were hitting the books hard. It was just nice to spend time next to Mike and she knew Mike was enjoying it also. There was an added bonus that they both brought out the best in each other. Their minds were retaining the course worker quicker and the harder concepts of organic chemistry were coming to them easier. Instead of understanding them being like trying to climb Everest in a snowstorm, it was more like trying to climb Everest on a sunny day. Those two were studying for a couple of hours when Lexie came home from rehearsal. She greeted Mike and Audrey. Those two gave a short one back, and went back to studying. Lexie wanted to talk about opening night which was a little over a month away. She had to put in her ticket request, being one of the stars had the added perk of being able to reserve a block of tickets, so her supporters can sit together. "Hey guys, I do have a question for Mike and I will let you get back to the books. I know that Ronnie does not need an extra ticket. Does any of her boys needs one?" Mike said "No." "So that will be four?" "No three." "Robby, Bobby, Ricky and you is four." "I am not going." Audrey was a little disappointed in hearing that. She was looking forward to sitting next to him. "Oh come on it will be fun." Lexie joined in, "Come on Mike. The Gord knows it was wrong how you were treated last year. Give him a chance, you will see he is a good guy." "Lexie and Audrey I can't go. I have to work overnights on Friday nights." To Lexie the reason sounded like an excuse as lame as a cheating man telling his wife he has no idea how that naked woman got into their walk in closet. Audrey knew it was as legit as MC Hammer. Audrey said "Can you make it on Saturday Mike?" "Yes, and I would love to go." "Lexie, can you get us two tickets for Saturday instead? It will be great, Mike, you and I can go grab something to eat and have a nice night out together." The man who was growing on Audrey smile did the same. He figured out that she just set up a date for those two. Mike never had a date. Being a foster child made it all of his school years, he was the new kid; the longest he ever was in the same school district was 2 years. There were two types of new kids, the cool one who everyone wanted to know, and the one who fit in as good as a left foot in a right shoe. Mike was the latter. At university he was too concerned with his grades and surviving to even try to pursue the finer sex. Even if he was not, Mike felt would have to get a minor in sociology with its emphasizes on the dating ritual before asking a girl out. Even with it having all the signs of being a date, the man who never took relationship 101, was not sure and said, "I would love that Audrey and it is my treat, if that is alright with you?" "Oh, yes." She replied. "Lexie, get me a ticket for Saturday." Lexie was a little superstitious about having all of her roommates at opening night, so she offered to get her tickets for both nights. Audrey turned it down, she did not want to go to the same play two nights in a row. "Come on Mike, take the night off. It will be a good time. Afterwards, there will be a little cast party." "Lexie, I can't." Mike did not want to explain to Lexie his financial situation. It was none of her business. Lexie took Mike's short answer as him trying to nicely blow her off. "Sorry, I can only get tickets for opening night in a group." "That is fine Lexie, I will just buy the two tickets." "Audrey, don't worry the cast is great, you will enjoy seeing it two nights in a row." Audrey was not big into musicals. She could not suspend disbelief watching people sing the entire show. "I will just go on Saturday, Lexie." Lexie did not want any of her good luck charms to not be in the audience on opening night. "Come on Mike, I promise that The Gord will stay away from you." "Lexie, I can't go. I have to work." "Yeah, right." Mike did not like the vibe coming from Lexie. While saying goodbye, the man who needed to make sure ends meet turned off his computer and started to put it away. After he got up, he leaned over and gave Audrey a quick kiss on the cheek. The kiss was like a visit from your cool uncle who lived out of state, unexpected, but welcomed. It made Audrey feel all gooey inside. Then he said, "Audrey, I think we got more than enough studying done. We should do this weekly, next week at my place? I am taking off now." "Bye, Lexie" When those two were alone, Lexie said, "Audrey, I really need you there on opening night. Don't let Mike not wanting to be around The Gord, keep you away also." "I am not, I want to go with him and he has to work on opening night." "Yeah, right. He can take it off." Audrey knew about Mike's being his only support at school from Ronnie and also Mike. He has been slowly opening up to her about being a foster child. Audrey found the indirect manner in which he shared himself, so adorable. When she brought up her family, Mike's attention to what she was saying would peak even higher. He would start to ask for more details. Then, after a couple of questions, bring something out about being a foster child, so she would understand his fascination about what Audrey took for granted. Audrey wanted to put the discussion to bed, it was not her place to share Mike's story with Lexie, and said, "Trust me, he has to work." Lexie felt bad when she realized she jumped to a conclusion, she should not have. She just knew if someone treated her like The Gord and his brothers treated Mike, she would not want to have anything to do with them. It just made sense to her to think Mike was acting how she would have. "I will get the tickets for Saturday." "Good and don't worry about opening night, you will do great. I will be there in spirit. Plus, you have too much talent not to." ************** The unfamiliar voice on the other end of the call said, "Hey there James, it's Ben." Sarah greeted the voice's name, she could not match to its face with silence. She wanted to greet the person with their name, plus she had to get into James mode. More and more, when the lady who was coming into her own, did not have to project her alias to the world, she did not have him on standby. Once the male she portrayed was ready to for the stage, Sarah responded "Hey there." The formality and coldness of James' response made Ben realize that Lilith and The Gord's friends saw him as BNB. "It is BNB." Not being as connected to James Sarah thought, she was made her response lag some to get in James to the forefront "Ohh, ok. How are you doing there BNB?" "I hope did not wake you." "No, you didn't. I was just far away before you call." "Good, I am calling you for remember how I was thinking about making the Alpha's Halloween party a drag one. I did it. I am wondering if you can help me?" Just informing James about the party made BNB's heart race. He was finally going to be able to be fully fem. The man who wanted to be pretty some of the time had worn a dress before and even a little makeup. It was when he was in middle school and no one else was home. Those couple of fashions experiments were so exciting. They did not last long and he was so scared of getting caught, but the excitement came from the feel of the clothes, not the fear of his secret being known. Sarah's heart also started to race. She was looking for any excuse to go out in public again as Sarah. This party gave her a reason which was like the island of Britain, great. Not wanting to seem too eager and give herself away, Sarah wanted to give a response which was a huge yes in helping, but at the same time, not being sure she could. Sarah was so sure she could. Even with only wearing makeup a couple of times she was an old pro at it. Walking in heels now was second nature to her. She carried herself like a woman as well as a press secretary carried the President's water. "I would love to, just tell me how." "I want to make my own costume so tell me where you shopped for your outfit, plus makeup. I will need help with makeup. I do not want to ask Lilith for help. I want to surprise her with how great I look. " Explaining the help he needed, made BNB' heart beat even more. He only asked where Sarah shopped for her clothes, but he was hoping somehow James misheard what he said as taking him shopping. BNB knew he could not go by himself to pick out the outfits. The novice crossdresser wanted the man who picked out his own, to be his mentor and to come along with him. As Sarah's heart was beating even faster, little did she know that both of their hearts were in a race. The last thing she wanted to do was stop this unknown race early by crossing the line and offering too much help. Yet at the same time, it was a chance to shop. "BNB, I can do that and more. Trust me, it is hard to shop for dresses and I can help you by going. Cara will come along with hopefully Audrey and Lexie. Being in a group will make it so much easier. I will talk with the girls and get a shopping trip planned. I will give you all the pointers you need also. It will be fun." Now, it was BNB's turn to hold back on giving the answer. He wanted to say yes faster than a teenager who stayed out past their curfew coming up with an excuse, but did not. BNB also wanted to not show his excitement and said, "Sounds good, you have my number now. Call me when you get more details." "I will. Talk to you later." Both BNB and Sarah quickly hung up the phone and were proud of themselves on how they were able to pull off not giving everything away. It was so hard because they both knew it was as certain mood rings were never going to come back into style. If they stayed on the phone any longer, they would had given away their secrets. The novice crossdresser and transgender lady both swore the other wanted a shopping trip as bad as they did. They chalked it up to wishful thinking. After getting off the phone with BNB, Sarah started to daydream about how she wanted the day to go. Shopping and then getting BNB at the apartment, so he could get used to wearing the clothes and she could share makeup tips. Little did she know her daydream was also what BNB's heart desired?