His Mothers Diary
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Singles: The Diary Of Jane free porn video
Singles - Diary of Jane
Author's Notes: This story is inspired by the Breaking Benjamin's song
"Diary of Jane." I will be rewording some of the lyrics in the story and
want to give songwriter, Benjamin Burnley, credit. I also hope that I
give his work the respect it deserves.
************
Derrick drove over to his best friend's apartment for he was so sick of
not hearing back from George. George wanting to spend time alone was
normal, and Derrick respected his best friend's choice of not being a
social butterfly. George not answering or returning Derrick's phone
calls, now that is not normal and why he was on his way to find out what
was going on with his friend.
On Derrick's drive over the one and the only thought on his one-track
mind was it has been three days. Three days without anyone hearing from
George. What can be so important to George that he could not at least
send one of his friends a text in those three days? Not giving any
communication back was just rude, and George had many negative traits,
but rudeness was not one of them.
Derrick pulled up to the apartment complex and drove around the parking
lot to locate George's car. He wanted to make sure that George was
home. He saw George's car there and it was covered in snow. Derrick
found that odd, it has not snowed in two days and even if his best
friend was not driving, George would clean off his car. George hated
when, from either sun melting the snow or the pressure from the weight
of the snow, turned the bottom layer of it into ice.
Derrick walked through the slush filled parking lot to the entrance and
buzzed to have George let him in. No answer, he buzzed again and got
the same result. Derrick was now annoyed and did a prolonged buzz to
let his friend know. Still no answer. Derrick then buzzed again and
talked into the intercom telling George to just let him in. Still, no
answer.
Derrick walked away from the front doors and popped a piece of chewing
gum in his mouth. He immediately started to crack the gum and then went
off off in his own little world. While physically wandering around the
apartment entryway and mentally wandering about what was up with his
friend he was approached by June Leake, a lady who lived down the hall
from George. June asked Derrick what he was doing here for George was
not home. Derrick told a lie and said, "Oh I know, George asked me to
pick up his mail."
June was more than happy to let Derrick into the apartment complex, hey
he was doing his friend a favor. As Derrick's unknowing accomplice made
her way to the elevator, the concerned friend acted like he was getting
the mail. Seeing some junk mail sticking out of George's box made
Derrick think that June was right about his friend not being home.
Then Derrick quickly dismissed that notion of George was on a getaway.
Derrick knew that would have been truly odd. First, George would've
surely told him that he was going somewhere. Then, even if his missing
friend went somewhere he would had taken his phone. Plus, where would
that homebody have went, George's immediate family all live close.
George was not the type to take a spur of a moment vacation.
Derrick got out of the elevator on George's floor and looked both ways
down the hall, he did not want June to see him. He was feeling a little
tense as he approached George's door. There was something going on and
he just did not know. He loathed not knowing the situation, Derrick
needed to know what was going on around him.
The feeling of apprehension made Derrick's anger at his friend's lack of
communication recede. There might be something seriously wrong and
anger has no place in dealing with that kind of situation. Then those
thoughts of ill fortune also receded, George was young and nothing bad
happened to young people. Derrick had this subconscious belief that he
and his friends were invincible. So to Derrick, it was even more
unlikely that something bad had happened to George than his introverted
friend being on holiday.
Derrick's annoyance return to full force by the time he was at his AWOL
friend's door. He knocked and the response was the same as Derrick
ringing George's buzzer; silence. The frustrated friend put his right
hand on the door handle and it moved. George's door being unlocked was
a telltale sign that his friend was home to Derrick. Derrick said,
"Come on George, I know you are home. If you do not answer the door I
am just coming in."
Derrick had a gut feeling something was extremely wrong as he crossed
the threshold into George's apartment. The vibes he had were just
wrong, the living area was dark and it felt stale. The feeling of
walking into a stuck moment made Derrick feel disoriented. He knew he
was in the present, but could not shake the feeling his surroundings
were not.
Looking down the hall Derrick saw George's bedroom door open and a light
stabbing out into the darkness. Yet another strange occurrence, George
was not the type to leave his bedroom door open or a light on. The
anxious investigator knew that he had to go toward to the light, but his
intuition told him going into the light would lead to darkness.
Each step Derrick fought the urges and instincts which were telling him
to turn around. He just had to know what was going on with George.
Even with every fiber of his being screaming at him to turn around, his
need to know overrode his impulse to leave.
By the time the dread filled friend was at the bedroom door, his heart
was racing and sweat was running down his face. Derrick felt so cold as
he went to open up the bedroom door all the way. He knew this was the
moment of truth, yet wanted to stay in ignorance. The want of the bliss
of not knowing could not hold back his need to know. "Damn my
curiosity", Derrick thought.
******************
On the bedroom floor was a good looking blonde in a red skater dress,
with a black leather book next to her open hand. The stunned onlooker
knew he had to investigate, even with the knowledge that nothing good
would come from his findings. The first course of action was to turn on
the room ceiling light; the light which was cast into the hallway was
from a desk lamp.
As the impromptu investigator got closer to the lady he figured out she
was not a lady but a man. That man was not just any man, but his friend
George. He knew the outcome but had to check to see if his friend had a
pulse. No pulse, his wrist was cold and clammy. His friend was dead.
Then he looked at the book, he needed to find any clue of what took
place. Derrick did not really need to find any clues for he knew the
answer, but was going to deny it until he could not anymore. He could
not take knowing the fact his friend committed suicide.
Why? This question was not aimed at how his friend was dressed. Yes,
he was shocked over the fact that his best friend, the person he thought
he knew better than anyone else, was transgender. That was not
important. What was important was that Derrick knew that they would
never speak again. The guilt stricken man knew that somehow he was not
there for his friend in his time of need. Derrick was scared that he
might have been part of the cause of this tragedy. His subconscious
fantasy of him and his friends being invincible was defeated by reality.
The title of the book, Jane's Diary, was in beautiful handwritten
calligraphy. This was the diary of Jane. Who was Jane? Yet another
question which the playing dumb detective asked himself; George was
Jane.
Derrick started to read the journal to find out what had made his best
friend tick. After reading the sadness and loneliness in the first
couple of pages, Derrick laid down for he felt sore and sick. He felt
horrible that he did not make a connection to the disconnection his best
friend had with the world and worse, with his own body.
The wounded seeker got his strength back and returned to reading the
Diary of Jane. Even with his newfound resolve to find the reason, he
burned each page from his mind and turned the other way from the pain as
he read on. Derrick could not stop, he had to find his place in the
diary of Jane.
Derrick found no relief in the pages. His friend had a crush on him,
that was not bad. The bad part was Derrick was oblivious to the fact.
He saw that his ignorance was worse to Jane than rejection. Derrick
knew he would have not reciprocated the feelings, but he would have made
his friend comfortable that their bond would still have been tight.
Derrick threw the diary against the wall. He was so furious his friend
kept who she was from him. How could Jane not have told her confidant
who she was? They shared everything with each other! Knowing he had
shared with her was what made Derrick furious. He told her about the
girls, then the ladies he had fancied. Derrick felt like a self-
centered prick when he got the newfound knowledge that he did that to a
girl who was forever stuck in his friendzone.
Derrick gathered his faculties and returned to the torture of solving
the mystery of the diary of Jane. He knew that each page would lead to
more heartbreak, but went on to get the answers. The next stab to his
soul was when he got to the tear-soaked page about Jane being sick of
Derrick telling her to man up. She was so upset that her best friend,
the man she was infatuated with, looked at her connection to her
emotions as a weakness.
New tears stains were made by the heavy-hearted reader. Derrick found
Jane being in tune with her feelings a strength and somehow, he made her
feel bad about it. He wanted to put the diary down but knew he had to
go on to solve why this tragedy happened.
Derrick read more lowlights. Jane's body was too big, too hairy, too
straight. She viewed her problems as petty and that made her feel even
worse, that she was not strong enough to put up with these minor
inconveniences. Her hair was not growing as quick as she wanted. Jane
felt so immature not being happy with how she looked; she did not want
to be vain. She hated that her friends said she was ruggedly handsome.
Knowing that fact made how beautiful she looked yet another fact from
today which was out of place to Derrick.
Then he was at the end of the diary, Jane had a date. Jane was so
excited about meeting a man who she believed accepted her for who she
was. She might still had to hide who she was to the world, but now she
had someone else to share that secret with in her own personal prison.
The fateful day came and her prince charming was nothing more than a
frog. He was not who she thought he was. He was crude, and mean. He
did not see Jane as the beautiful flower she was. This son of a bitch
saw Jane as less of a man and needed to tell her to prove his manhood.
He used putting others down to lift himself up and to feel good about
being everything he was not.
Jane did not put up with the demeaning actions of her suitor. She threw
her date out as soon as he started his verbal barrage on her. She
thought she was strong enough to be alone for the right reasons than
with someone for the wrong ones. She was, when she had hoped that time
with her date might not have taken away her self-dignity, but it took
her hope away. She felt that she was cursed to be forever alone in
life, to be invisible and not seen or noticed by anyone.
Right after taking an overdose of sleeping pills and quickly chasing
them with two more glasses of red wine, Jane wrote the last entry in her
diary: "I was so desperate for love I would have crawled for anyone.
This is for I waited so long for love, but there is no love, no love. I
am going to die for not getting the acceptance of anyone, not even
myself. What have I become? This is for this world has no love, it has
no love."
Derrick put himself next to Jane's body and held her for the first time.
He hugged Jane many times but this was the first time he hugged his
friend knowing who she really was. With all the strength he could
muster, Derrick asked Jane the question, "Do you like that?"
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