Panther Girl of Gor an alternative ending by Archer
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Better Than The Alternative : Chapter 7 free porn video
***Authors Note*** I would like to thank you all so much for letting me
know how much you've enjoyed the story. Those really do make it worth
sharing this... I did want to let you all know that I'm now caught up to
posting where I am at in writing. I'll post when I can, so far, I've
been averaging two chapters a week, so hopefully the wait won't be too
unbearable. This one took a bit longer though, my daughters brought home
the crud from school and shared with me. So this chapter was written
largely under the influence of cold meds, hopefully I've edited enough
in my more lucid moments haha. Thank you all again, ~Rebecca***
Chapter 7
I'd like to tell you the next two days were full of excitement, but they
were basically normal... Well as normal as it could be for a fourteen-
year-old guy, who's almost died, been neutered, fed female hormones, and
basically is transitioning against his will. To top that off, his best
friend is a trans girl who he wishes was more than a friend, but she
likes guys and he's afraid to tell her how soon he won't be one
anymore... So yeah, Thursday and Friday were pretty damn normal...
Thursday being a 'B' day meant that except for her P.E. we spent the
entire day together. At least Sam has quit trying to carry my stuff for
me, but she still keeps a close eye on me to make sure my stubborn ass
doesn't try to overdo anything. We did get invited to sit with the
senior softball captains at lunch, and they were surprisingly pretty
cool. They genuinely seemed excited to have Sam start pitching, and they
were impressed how much we were already practicing so she would be ready
for the season. We also made plans to meet them at the softball field on
Saturday afternoon, seems a few more of the girls were wanting to come
along as well. Hey, the more the merrier right? I found it odd how the
girls were wanting me to practice with them, after all my guy friends
haven't asked me once to hang out with them. The girls had wanted to
meet in the morning, but I had my appointment with the shrink... I only
told them I had an appointment... I really didn't want any of them to
know I was having my head examined... Including Sam...
Thursday evening, we spent half of the practice working on her change up
and then moved to her trying a curve ball... Turns out with her being so
used to throwing a smaller baseball, she was able to put a wicked spin
on the softball, at least to her right. Unless she was throwing to a
leftie her curveball to the right would be unusable, unless she wanted
to hit the batter. The last few buckets of balls we spent swapping up
her pitches and refreshing our hand signals in our memories.
Friday was back to an 'A' day, which brought me back to P.E. Teddy and I
didn't talk at all, and I didn't even see him at lunch... Jason and Nick
of course didn't sit with us, and it was creating a rift in the team...
I was feeling guilty for that, after all it was my fault, or so I
thought. I offered to sit somewhere else, but Rick wouldn't hear of it.
He told me it didn't matter if I wasn't on the team right now, we were
still friends... Yeah, I almost got all weepy at that, but faked a few
sneezes and rubbed my eyes to disguise any evidence of tears.
At P.E. we played dodgeball again, and because I'm a competitive idiot,
I started running my mouth again. Unlike earlier this week, I didn't
wear out as quickly and I rarely got hit. Then again, when I knew I was
going to get smacked I protected my boobs at all cost. Since Brett
couldn't hit me, and with my smack talk, he exploded at me... Which got
him called back into the Coach's office to get chewed out... Then I got
pulled into the office after he was done with Brett... Coach then told
me to go easy with my trash talk... Brett's family was splitting up and
he was blaming himself... That explained the anger, and I promised not
to push his buttons... Brett was already gone when I got out of the
office, so I couldn't apologize... Yeah, the poor guy is struggling,
then he roughed me up, and I'm the one that turned out to be an
asshole... I told you I have a gift...
We didn't practice any, as soon as I got home and drank my 'nutritional
supplement' we only hung out for about half an hour. Then Sam rode her
bike home to get ready for the meeting, oh yeah, she's been riding her
bike over here in the mornings, so she can walk to school with me. I was
under orders to be ready by 6:15 so her mom could pick me up to take us
to the meeting. I really was nervous about going... It wasn't because I
had issues with the group, I was more afraid that someone would 'read'
me somehow and mistakenly out me as transgender... I know it was an
irrational fear, but its funny that no matter how irrational it might
me, its still fear. I hated being afraid of anything, especially with
what I've already survived through.
I was ready right at six, which was a good thing since they were ten
minutes early. Mrs. Wilkins stopped and picked us up some Burger King
since my parents hadn't gotten home yet, and they hadn't eaten yet. We
still managed to walk into the Metro Center twenty-five minutes early
and Sam and I were the only ones there. Well except the guy leading the
group, Dr. Rodrick. Sadly, I already knew who he was...
"Hi Samantha, who is your friend?" the Doc asked.
She took my hand to introduce me and while she was grinning, Sam told
him, "This is my friend Jordan... He was my best friend from before...
He still is."
I had to rescue my hand from Sam, she didn't realize she was still
holding on to it, and I stuck my hand out. "It's nice to meet you Doc."
We chatted for a couple of minutes, mostly about inconsequential things.
He said he wanted to wait for the group to start before we discussed
anything important, so Sam and I wouldn't have to repeat ourselves.
After a few minutes Sam had to go to the ladies' room, her sweet tea had
run through her fairly quickly and she's already told me that her
blockers made her have to pee a lot. That left me and the Doc in the
room by ourselves.
The Doc gave me a calculating stare and a smile, I knew that look. It
was one my therapist gave me quite often, he was studying me. He asked,
"So Jordan... It's refreshing to see someone of your age with an open
mind. I'm glad that Samantha had you stay with her. To be honest, I was
worried from what she had told me about her former teammates. She hadn't
mentioned your name before though, I know I'd have remembered it."
"There's a good reason for that probably... There had been a rumor going
around that I had died..."
"That's a horrible rumor to spread? Why would they have believed it?" he
asked dumbfounded.
"It's because I almost did..." I start to tell him, then take a deep
breath and continued. "I was pulled off the team two seasons ago because
I was so sick... I did almost die... The rumor wasn't too far-
fetched..."
He told me, "Son that's horrible... If you don't mind me asking, what
happened?"
I respond, "Sir, I think you already know..." At his blank stare I add
softly, "Dr. Byrnes has been wanting me to transfer to you for a
while..." As his eyes opened wide I say, "Yeah... That's me..."
He asked, "Are you going to share any of that tonight? You'd be more
than welcome to."
I shook my head. "No sir... I'm only here for Sam... She doesn't know
yet, so don't tell her... I'm just not... I'm just not ready for
that..." He just nodded solemnly.
Sam came back in the room a few minutes later. "How are you two guys
doing?"
I smile. "We're getting along fine."
The Doc nods and says, "Samantha, your friend is a remarkable young man.
I'm glad you brought him tonight."
She smiled as she sat back down and without thinking she took my hand in
hers, I let her and didn't say anything... Only because I didn't want
her to let go. She said, "Thank you Dr. Rodrick, and yeah... He is
pretty amazing." She said that last part looking right at me and that
flushed feeling ran through me again...
I caught the Dr. staring at us with an odd expression on his face, so I
asked, "About how many people usually come here?"
He told me, "The numbers vary from meeting to meeting, we can have as
little as four or as many as twenty-four show up. The Loved One's groups
usually don't see as many people, only because some are still in the
closet and don't want to trust Cis people they don't know..."
We started just talking small talk waiting for people and by seven there
were eighteen people in the room. There were young kids with their
parents, a few older people with their spouse or close friends. I did
think it was odd that Sam was the only person in high school here...
I've ran the statistics before, if they held true we would have six or
seven people with some sort of gender problem... Then I realized that if
there were any our age that came to the group, with the friends and
family night they probably would have stayed home. Especially if they
had seen how Sam was initially ghosted by everyone she had known.
First were the introductions that went around the room, Doc decided to
go clockwise around the room, which put Sam and I last as we sat next to
the Doc. For the introductions, most just gave their name, age, how long
they had been transitioned, or for the friends, just who they were to
the group member. When it came time for me, I just told them my name and
that I was here to support my best friend Sam. She was still clutching
my hand, and I was too much of a fool to let go...
Next, Dr. Rodrick told us all the rules, like that anything said here
stays here, and trust is the most important thing. The typical things I
had already expected. Then several of the people, mostly of the younger
ones, asked Sam how the first week of school went. She squeezed my hand
softly and glanced at me with a soft smile, and I thought I was going to
melt from the inside out... I just squeezed her hand back and gave her a
smile of encouragement.
She started, "Well at first it kind of sucked... I mean I knew what to
expect after I came out on my Facebook... As most of you know I went
from having over three hundred 'friends' down to less than fifty in just
over two hours. Most of those left was family, at least the family that
didn't disown us..."
That pissed me off, I hadn't known that so many people had abandoned
her. I interrupted her. "I'm sorry... I didn't know..."
She smiled. "I know... It's okay, you had other issues going on at the
time..." Turning to the group she continued. "So my first day at school
as Samantha... I expected people to call me names, or something like
that... I had actually prepared myself for that... Instead they ignored
me, or they'd whisper in their groups then point and laugh... I was
really considering the option my parents gave me to transfer or even to
homeschool..."
Doc spoke up. "Samantha, you know running never solves anything, it only
postpones them."
She nodded. "I know... That's why I only said reconsider... I wasn't
going to give them the satisfaction by running... I learned that from a
good friend..." She glanced over at me and gave my hand another small
squeeze... I felt a lump form in my throat as I saw her eyes starting to
mist slightly. All I could think was please Sam don't cry, because I
know I'd join her if she did at this moment.
One of the younger girls, probably around eight or nine, asked her, "So
what happened?"
She smiled. "My best friend in the whole world walked into my last class
of the day, and the only open seat was with me..."
The same girl looked at me and asked, "Was that you?"
I nodded. "Well I couldn't just let this really cute girl sit at a table
all by herself." The girl giggled, and I saw Sam blush and look away
trying to hide it from me.
Then the girl teased, "Sam he said he thinks you're cute... You got a
boyfriend your first day." I chuckled, only because Sam blushed so much
her ears turned bright red.
When she looked back towards me I told her, "Go ahead and tell her what
made it even better than that? You know, the reason it was my first day
back too."
She looked at me to make sure I was okay with it, I just grinned and
nodded, so she said, "Jordan had gotten really sick in seventh grade,
and was pulled completely out of school in eighth grade... During the
summer someone had heard that he had died, and we all believed it... So,
when he walked into that class... It was like he came back to life, just
so I wouldn't be alone..." She glanced over to me and I could see the
first tear start rolling down her cheek, as she softly said, "I know
that's not what really happened... But that's how it feels to me
Jordie... It's like you came back to life just to save me..." The second
tear rolled down her cheek and quickly more started to follow.
I gently tried to wipe her cheek with my free hand and told her, "You
know? That's one of the best reasons I've heard of why I possibly
survived..." I gave her a gentle smile and she finally let go of my
hand... Only to pull me into a hug where she clutched on to me with
everything she had as I felt her body jerk as she silently cried. She
held me hard enough I couldn't have escaped if I even wanted to, so I
just wrapped my arms around her and tried to tell her it was okay. Then
I felt a tear run down my face as I felt how desperately she was holding
on to me. Great... She's got me doing it now...
After several long moments Sam composed herself and pulled back far
enough so she could look at me. "Sorry Jordan..." she apologized wiping
her eyes.
I actually chuckled softly. "Hey its about time that it was your turn.
Lately it's been me being the one that breaks down."
She smiled softly at me, then we remembered that we had an audience.
Most everyone else had that expression you would expect when someone saw
a new puppy or something similar, a few of the older ladies were wiping
their own eyes at our exchange. Sam immediately blushed as she let out a
low moaning. "Oh God..." as she tried to cover her face with her hands.
I was feeling a little self conscious myself, so I did what I normally
do, I made a joke... I leaned over to Sam and said, "So what should we
do for an encore?"
She glared at me for a split second before starting to giggle, then she
gave me a gentle shove. "You, dork!" Even though she almost pushed me
off my chair I grinned at her, after all this was what I wanted, to see
her smile.
The rest of the meeting was mostly just people asking questions of each
other, a big sharing of information and experiences. I learned a lot, at
least even more than what I've learned by all the reading I've done.
Listening to some of the ladies who transitioned later in life, I
realized I might have more in common with them that I thought. Due to
their age, they couldn't do anything to stop their puberty back then and
their body changed in ways they didn't want... I could relate to that.
Maybe I am transgender... Or maybe I wasn't, but I am becoming more
trans with each passing day. I asked a few questions, mostly how they
coped with their own earlier puberties. I got a few odd stares from Sam,
so I tried to ask more generic questions and not be too obvious.
As the meeting was over one of the young girls came up and shyly told me
that she wished she could get a friend like me one day, I leaned over
and told her, "Even if you don't find someone like me to be your friend,
I'll be your friend okay?" Which got me a big hug from her, and also her
mother. Even Sam gave me a hug and told me how sweet that was of me. I
just told her I know the importance of a good friend, so... Dr. Rodrick
did shake my hand and tell me how nice it was to meet me, and how he
hoped to see me again... I caught his underlying meaning, I just told
him we'd have to see.
I rode in the back of the car on the ride home, Sam had to fill her mom
in on what went on in the group. At least the part about getting to
'show me off' to the group. I just sat there smiling at her excitement,
it just made me feel good to be a part of it. I did get those weird hot
flashes a few times when she turned back to look at me while smiling.
I've decided whatever those are, they sort of feel nice, and it wasn't
worrying me near as much as it did when it first started happening.
After I got dropped off at home, I did get the inquisition from my
parents. Mostly they were wondering if I'd be interested in meeting with
Dr. Rodrick now that I had met him. Yeah, they knew about Dr. Byrnes
wanting to refer me. I just told them after the group discussions, and
meeting him, that I'm not quite as opposed to it as I was... I escaped
upstairs as soon as I could, I knew I'd have to be up early for the
meeting with my own therapist thanks to the meltdown earlier this week.
I quickly got my shower, and with it being Friday night I did my end of
the week routine of taking my picture, so I can track my progress of my
changes... I mean my recovery...
I spent about half an hour comparing the new picture along with all the
others over the last few months. It was funny, but not in a 'ha ha' kind
of way, how by itself my current picture just looked like a small boy
with a bit of pudge around his chest. Comparing it side by side with one
from two months ago on my tablet though... I realized I didn't look near
as boyish as I had thought... While I knew I had gained some weight, the
comparison only drew my eye to where I had gained the most... My breasts
and even my hips were more noticeable in the comparison... My breasts...
While still small, I could definitely make out the shape of breasts... I
pressed on them to check, only to feel them extremely tender.
Apparently, they were still in a 'growth' stage, how awesome... Not!
From all the walking and basically doing squats during our baseball
practice have helped to tone my legs and behind some, I was starting to
get some shape now... Just not the shape I was wanting to see.
As I got in bed, I grabbed my phone and was looking at another picture.
It was one that I took of my best friend with her laughing. I couldn't
help but smile myself, as I remembered the feeling I had for causing her
to laugh, as another soft warm feeling filled me. While I was staring at
the picture, my phone beeped at me indicating a text.
{Sam text} *** Thanks for going with. I'm really glad you were there.
***
{Me text} *** I'm glad I went. Your other friends are cool. Was nice to
meet them. ***
{Sam text} *** See you tomorrow at your house at noon for practice? ***
{Me text} *** Wouldn't miss it for the world. NN Sam Sweet dreams. ***
{Sam Text} *** You too. NN Jordie. ***
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~0~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
With the morning's appointment I couldn't sleep in like I had wanted to,
after all it was Saturday. Unfortunately, I was awake by seven and once
I did my morning business I checked my weight before getting dressed,
another normal ritual of mine. I had gained five pounds this past week
with all my exercising, I was up to a hundred and seven pounds now...
Then I realized it also might be all the times I had frequented the
pasta line at school too. After a quick breakfast with my mom we were
soon on our way to have my head examined once again... I used to love
Saturdays...
It appeared that Doc was waiting on us, as soon as we walked into his
office he was ready and raring to go. I unfortunately was not...
"Hi there Jordan. It's been almost a month since we last talked, you're
looking good," He told me his smile almost completely hidden behind his
beard.
I just shrugged. "Morning Doc... Thanks I guess... I'm feeling
better..."
He raised his eyebrows at my lack of enthusiasm. "That's good to hear...
You ready to start?"
I respond, "Not really, but the sooner we start the sooner I can get out
of your hair."
As he motioned for us to go into the 'room' for our session he joked,
"You got a hot date to get to, or something?"
I again shrugged. "Something like that... I'm helping a friend
practicing some ball... I don't want to be late is all..."
He was sitting down, but nodded. "That's good, so you're getting back
into baseball?"
I sighed. "No... Not really... My friend is learning to do fast pitch,
so she can pitch for the upcoming season... I'm just helping her get
ready... Some of the other softball players are going to be there too so
we can work with live batters... Plus its good exercise for me..."
He nodded. "So are you planning on going out for the baseball team? I
know how badly you were wanting to..."
I shook my head. "Nope... Don't see any reason to now... It's not like
I'll be able to play by then anyway..."
"Really? Why not?" he asked.
It pissed me off when he played stupid like that, I snapped, "You know
why!" Immediately I regretted losing my temper and after taking a deep
breath, I say, "It's the reason I'm here today... The changes have
started, and comparing my pictures... I just won't be able to play by
then... It's as simple as that..."
He sighed this time. "Your mother was quite concerned when she called
me. I know we had talked about what to expect... You had seemed to
accept that it was going to happen..."
I snorted, "Well I don't know what to tell you... I accepted that it's
going to happen eventually, but actually seeing it... This soon? It
caught me off guard is all, no big deal... I had a moment when it hit
me, the moment passed and now I'm fine... Nothing to worry about... So,
can I go now?"
"Jordan... I'm not worried about you having a 'moment'... What I'm
worried about is that you didn't have one sooner than this one. From
what your mother told me this 'moment' was extremely intense... Holding
back your feelings until they boil over isn't healthy and it could be
dangerous... I just want to make sure that you're prepared for..."
"Holding back my feelings? Are you serious?" I ask dumbfounded. "I can't
hold anything back anymore! It's like my body wants to start bawling
over nothing!"
"Jordan we've gone over this... While it's intense now, once you get
used to having your heightened emotional states... You'll be able to
start dealing with it in a much healthier way," he said trying failingly
to calm me.
"That's it though, I don't want to have to deal with it! Yes, I had a
moment when I noticed my body starting to change, and yes, I had a
meltdown... As it sunk in though... I don't know... I guess the changes
aren't as scary as they once were... I think I can deal with them...
It's just the damn emotions... It's all I can do at school to not break
down in tears when something stupid gets to me."
"Jordan, I understand how this is frustrating for you... It's okay to
get upset about things... Do you think its wrong to get emotional or to
cry?"
I shrugged again. "No... Not really... It's just... I've just never
really had the need to cry before."
He shook his head in disbelief. "Jordan, I find that hard to believe...
You've never felt like crying before? Ever?"
I shrugged yet again. "Yeah I guess I might have felt like it... But
what was the point in it... It never seemed like it would accomplish
anything, so why bother... When I broke my arm in soccer, I mean it hurt
a lot... Crying about it wouldn't have helped so... I didn't..."
Sadly, he shook his head. "Jordan... That's what I'm talking about...
Bottling everything in isn't healthy... That leads to what happened the
other night..."
I blurted out, "But I wasn't bottling anything up. I swear! I mean, I
felt like I wanted to cry and crap... I just didn't need to... So, I
didn't..."
"You expect me to believe that you can just control it like that? You
can just turn off that emotion like a switch?" he asked.
I sighed. "Well I used to be able to... Now... Well that's why I'm here,
isn't it?"
He shook his head. "No Jordan, that's not why you're here... I'm trying
to help you realize its normal to cry every now and then. It's perfectly
acceptable to cry, even for a guy. So, you're saying that even when you
were pulled out of baseball, and then stuck in the wheelchair, that you
never once cried?"
I shook my head. "Nope not once... It wouldn't have gotten me out of the
wheelchair or back on the team..."
Looking at me sadly, "You know that would have been the perfect time to
have a 'moment' like you called it... Your life was spinning completely
out of control Jordan..."
I interrupted, "That's exactly why I didn't... Everything in my life was
out of my control, and I mean everything... My emotions, and being able
to keep them in check... That was the only thing I had any control
over... Tell me how it would have helped if I had of cried? Can you?"
"Jordan... I'm not saying it would have cured you, but it usually helps
to be able to let it out... No one would have thought less about you if
you had of let it out..."
I shook my head, remembering those really dark days before they found
out what was actually wrong. Before I started sending my visitors away
and asking them not to come back. They had all been crying, well most of
them had been. Most of my teammates looked like they had wanted to but
held it back, well all but Sam... he had cried, a lot. Even back then
when I thought she was a boy, that one had hurt the most. I started to
feel the tears form in my own eyes from the memories. I tell him with my
voice starting to break, "You're wrong... It doesn't help... Everyone
that I saw when it got really bad were either crying or wanting to...
So, I couldn't... And now look at me... See what I mean?"
I saw the concern on his face when he asked, "Why couldn't you? What
about them crying made you choose not to cry?"
I was wiping the tears now, sadly they were flowing faster than I could
wipe. I muttered, "Because Doc... Everyone who was crying over me...
They had already given up hope... They already knew I was going to
die... I just couldn't... I mean... I wasn't ready to give up..."
He reached over and placed his arm on my shoulder and gently asked, "You
think that crying is a sign of giving up?"
I shrugged. "I don't know... Maybe... If it is... What's this say about
me now?" He stared at me in concern, I was able to only hold it back for
a few seconds, then I completely broke down...
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