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'I know it's Sunday and all, but if you have a few minutes, I could use someone to talk to. Nothing big, just trying to decide how I will live the rest of my life.' Paul added a smiley face emoji to the end of the text and hit send. He'd wanted to talk with Dr Kim all night, but held off until 4:30am to actually send a text. If she was available some time today, that would be helpful, but he thought that he kind of knew what direction his life was headed. He'd given up tossing and turning in bed around 1:30 and come down to the great room to play video games, but he didn't seem to have any taste for blowing things up just now. So, he got out his tablet and looked into information on everything from programs that promised to 'make a man out of your sissy son' to cross dressing sites to surgical information to hormonal therapy - both to make people more manly and more womanly. His exhausted brain was swimming with confusing information. At 5:00, his text message chime rang. He grabbed his phone and looked for Dr Kim's text, but it was from Keith. 'Hi, princess,' it read. 'I'm headed to the golf course with friends. Just wanted to touch base. You looked amazing yesterday, but, you know, I'm with you, no matter what. Call or text if you need anything. Big day, I know. Love you.' He put down the phone and cried for at least the hundred and twentieth time since he'd gone to bed. Would Keith still love him if he was a boy? He'd really only been back in his life for four days, now. They were four great days, but, still, only four days. 'Thanks, man,' Paul text back. 'Love you, too.' Suddenly, there was a gentle knock on the sliding door behind him. Startled, Paul jumped from his cocoon of silk robe and nightie and he turned to see Keith smiling in at him. Paul rolled his eyes in relief and pulled his robe closed as he went to let his brother in. "Geez, Keith!" he whispered, "you scared the bejeezus out of me! What are you doing here at this time of the morning?" Keith came in and pulled Paul in for a tight hug. "I really am going golfing, but I came by on the way. I figured you'd have a tough time sleeping. I saw the light on, so I peeked in. I sent the text to see if you were awake. Can I help?" There in the tight hug, with his face buried in the chest of his big, strong brother and his fake breasts pressing into his brother's stomach, all the fear of change, all the fear of loss and all the fear of the unknown burst forth and Paul wept like a child. Then, his words flowed as quickly as the tears. "I... I... I don't know what to do. Keith... is this all as crazy as I think it is? I don't know what I want. I want all of this, but I still want to be a boy. Does that make any sense? I... I... have spent the last week trying to figure out who I am and what I am and I still don't know. I'm such an idiot! Why didn't I just leave well enough alone and just stayed a boy? I never would have even thought about ever doing any of this if mom hadn't... no. This was all my doing. Mommy just wanted some help. God! I am an idiot! What should I do, Keith?" Then, the sobs were too deep for Paul to form any more words. Keith held him even tighter. "Shh, Paulie. I knew that you were being way too cool about all of this, last night. Shh." Paul pulled away, stepped back, hugged himself and very harshly asked, "If I made it your decision, right now, without any debate - you tell me - what should I do?" Keith was stunned by the question. He barely knew this boy, this girl, this child in front of him. He was only just reentering his sibling-ship with Paul. How on earth could he be expected to tell him what to do. He was taking too long to answer for Paul. "Keith... please... tell me what to do..." The silence became thick and uncomfortable. Finally, Keith pulled out his phone and pressed a contact name. Paul looked confused, but Keith held up a finger telling him to wait a moment. After a moment, Keith spoke into his phone, "Hey, Pete. I'm sorry, man, but I won't be able to make it. I have a family emergency to deal with." He paused and listened. "Yeah, ok, thanks, bud. I'll see you guys next time. See ya." And he ended the call. "I'm sorry, Keith. I didn't want to ruin your day, but... thanks." His brother shrugged. "Don't be silly. You want some coffee?" Keith headed towards the kitchen. Paul blocked his way, "No, but I'll make you some coffee. I'll have tea. You sit." He wiped his sodden cheeks. "I need to do... something... anything. I've been staring at the walls all night." Keith sat and watched as his little brother scurried around the kitchen. There was no boyishness, let alone manliness, in any gesture that he made. It seemed as if he'd been born female. The tea and coffee were brought to the table. Keith made busy work of stirring the sugar into the black brew while Paul played with the string on his teabag - neither speaking. Each peeked at the other to see if the other would speak first, but they remained quiet, until each took a sip and they accidentally made eye contact with each other. Then they smiled and placed their cups on the table simultaneously. Finally, Keith admitted, "I don't know what to say, Paulie. I mean, it's your life, Bud. How do you want to live it?" Paul squirmed moment, then asked, "Do you like me better this way?" For a moment, Keith didn't know what to say, so he asked, "Why would you ask me that, Paulie?" He shrugged and his face melted as his eyes teared up. "I don't know. I just hardly saw you until, you know, I started being girly. Now, we've done stuff together and you're here, now, and, I don't know... it just seems that you like your sister a lot more than you liked your brother." Keith nodded, shook his head and sighed. "Paulie... honestly, it had nothing to do with you. It was just me being a self-centered jackass. Until I found out about what happened at the country club, I just assumed that you and mom had everything under control. I just wasn't paying attention. When I found out, though, I came and I'm here now. I'm here for my brother and my sister. I'll never leave you hanging, again. I promise. No matter what. I'm here and I'm here to stay." Paul nodded and looked around to gain control of himself, again. "Sorry, Keith. I didn't mean that. I'm just... kinda scared, I guess." Just then, his phone chimed. It was Dr Kim. 'You got eggs and bread?' it read. Baffled, Paul typed back, 'Yes.' 'I'll be there in twenty minutes. I'll have fried eggs and toast with butter. No margarine. Relax. Like you said: it's nothing big. You can do this, Paulie. I promise you, you can do this.' "What's that all about?" Keith asked. "Who's texting you at this time of day?" Paul smiled. "My therapist. She's coming for breakfast, apparently. She wants eggs and toast." "Can you make that?" "I can make toast..." Keith laughed louder than he meant to, then covered his mouth to mute himself for fear of waking his mother. "I'll make the eggs, then." At 9:45, Lilly pulled on a robe and started down the stairs before saying, "Keith!?" in a startled voice as she discovered her oldest son sitting on the staircase. He turned and looked over his shoulder, held a finger to his nose and lips, indicating that his mother should speak quietly, then said, "Hi, mom. Come on down." When she reached the bottom of the stairs, he patted the stair next to him, asking her to sit with him. "What are you doing here?" She asked as she took a seat to his right on the same stair. Keith whispered, "I was going to meet the guys for breakfast and golf, but I sent Paul a text to see if he was ok. He text me right back, so I swung by and talked to him. Now, he's with Dr Joyce or Dr Kim, I'm not sure what her name actually is, in the great room." "It's Dr Joyce Kim. Did he ask her to come?" "I think so. She seems pretty good, though - came over at, like, six o'clock to talk to him. She had me sit and talk with them both for a good half hour or so, too. I've never been to a therapist, but she seems to know her stuff." Lilly nodded. "I met her yesterday. I googled her after that. She's got a great reputation. Thank you, by the way, for picking up your grandmother at Alison's yesterday. When I ran to her place and got her, Paulie was in the bathroom. When we got back to the salon, he'd just sat down to have his makeup done. He walked right past her on the way out. I can't believe it all worked out." "No problem, mom," Keith chuckled. "It was a heck of a day, wasn't it?" Lilly smiled him. "It's nice to have you back, Keith. I've missed you. And Paulie... well, I guess that I never realized how much he needed you till you came back." He nodded and rubbed his mother's back. "I'm sorry I ever left." They sat in silence for a moment or two before Lilly shook her head and said, "This is all crazy. What the hell was I doing, putting my son into dresses!? I pushed him too hard, Keith. I'm going to go in there put an end to this." She started to stand, but Keith pulled her back down. "Mom... do you remember John Elliot from high school?" Lilly nodded. "Well, John never dated anyone or asked any girls out, but none of us on the team thought anything about it. We just figured he'd find the right girl eventually." "Anyway, about six weeks before our senior prom, we're all together at Dave and Buster's playing video games and John calls us all together and announces that he's got a date for prom. We're all excited for him and ask him who he's taking. He says, 'I'm going with Ben Cohen. Actually, we've been going together for about a month.' We're all stunned for ten seconds or so, then it all occurs to us, like, yeah, of corse John's gay. We all knew it, but it never really occurred to us to think about it." Lilly said, "So you're saying Paulie's gay?" "No, well, maybe, I don't know, but what I'm saying is, just think about it. Did any of us think of Paul as a guy? Like a manly guy? Not really, right? He was always just Paulie. Maybe we didn't really think of him as a girl, necessarily, but once we saw him in a dress, we all just kind of said, 'Oh, ok, Paul looks right in a dress,' and now that we've seen him really done up, our brains just accept that he's a girl." Lilly nodded. "When I first saw the pictures that Abby took," Keith continued, "I didn't wonder why Paul was in a dress, I thought, 'Oh, he looks so pretty.' He looked more natural in that picture than I'd ever seen him. See, it's just like with John - we all knew, but we didn't think about it." "Maybe you're right, but I don't know. I just hope that I haven't messed him up forever." From beside them, from the doorway to the dinning room, they heard the sound of someone clearing her throat. They turned and saw Dr Kim. "I'm glad to find you both together. May I speak to you both for a few moments?" Lilly sprung to her feet as if Dr Joyce were a surgeon coming into the waiting room. "Is Paulie ok?" The doctor saw the concern in the mother's face and smiled sympathetically. "Yes, he's fine. I suggested that he take a little nap on the couch. He didn't sleep much last night." "Oh, thank heavens," Lilly breathed a sigh of relief. At the Doctor's insistence, Lilly sat back on the stair next to Keith while they spoke. "Mrs Rooney, when a young person - or any person, really - discovers that they are confused about their gender or sexuality, that realization can occur quite quickly, as it did with Paul, but unlike Paul, most people come to terms with those realizations over the course of weeks or months or years, or, sadly, sometimes - never." "Now, Paul is very bright and perceptive and, ultimately, I am sure that he can make a good decision, but he he has set an artificial deadline for himself of 6:30 this evening and, quite frankly, I find that very concerning." "I see," Lilly said. "What if I talked to him and tried to talk him out of doing this today? Encourage him to give himself more time? Would that help?" Keith offered. Dr Kim shook her head. "I don't think that's the right path to take. I think it might be best to just let him stick to his plan of making his announcement tonight." "But you said..." Lilly was confused. "Yes, Mrs Rooney, I know what I said, but let him make his decision his way, but then he'll need you and his friends to be there for him - not only to support the decision he makes, but to be there to help him if he discovers that he makes the wrong decision." "Wrong decision?" Keith asked. "But if he started hormones and stuff, can't he hurt himself?" "Oh, Mr Rooney," the doctor chortled and shook her head, "he'd have a long row to hoe before he could start hormone therapy. Don't worry about that, just yet. He could do some emotional damage, though. Mrs Rooney, do you love your son?" "I love both my sons," she stated emphatically and with great hurt in her voice. "Mr Rooney, do you love your brother?" Keith nodded, also a bit hurt, but feeling guilty, too. "Good. If you two and the girls he talks about, Lori and Beth, can commit to him, remain patient, remain supportive, and exhibit the love and affection that he will need, then I'd say he's already better off than 95% of the people I see everyday." "Here," she reached into her pocket and produce two business cards. "Call me if you have any concerns, or questions, or if you just need to talk. I'll need to see Paulie two to three times a week from here on out - no matter what he decides. I'm sure that your insurance will cover everything. I'll have my secretary call you tomorrow and get that information from you." "Before I leave, though, I want to emphasize that Paul is a remarkable girl..." "Girl?" Lilly asked. Dr Joyce nodded, "Yes, girl. Paulie may be transgender, or gender fluid - he's definitely non-binary, but the child I spoke to yesterday and today is unquestionably a girl. Perhaps not biologically, but certainly she presents herself as a female. Regardless, though, even remarkable girls make mistakes. Maybe the girl is here to stay - maybe not - but no matter what happens, we are her safety net." Lilly was shaking with nervousness. This had all gotten so out of control. Keith stood and helped her to stand, keeping his arm around her shoulders. "Yes, we are, Doctor, and with your guidance, I'm sure that we can help Paulie through this." "Yes," Lilly shivered, "yes. Of course we can. Can't we, Keith?" "Yeah, mom." Dr Kim smiled. "I know you can, Mrs Rooney. Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to get home and spend the rest of my Sunday with my wife. Call me if you need me, but... try not to need me." She smiled and left. Lilly listened until she heard the back door close. "Keith, my phone and tablet are in the great room. I don't want to wake Paulie. Do you have your phone?" "Yeah, sure." He fished it from his pocket and handed it to his mother. She waved it off. "Can you Google 'non-binary' for me? I have no idea what that means." "Just a grilled English muffin and a coffee for me, thanks," Beth said, smiling and handing the waitress her menu. It had been a long and busy week. She'd missed spending time Jeff, but, being the thoughtful guy that he was, he had asked her for a nice Sunday morning breakfast before he had to go to work at noon. "So, Anyway," Jeff continued the conversation from where he had been before they had placed their orders, "I was thinking that, if you wanted to, we could go in halves with Juan and Julia and get a limo for the prom. What do you think?" "Sounds good, but Juan does drink sometimes. If we share with him, he can't have booze in the limo." Jeff let out an exasperated breath. "I though you might say that. Oh, well. Looks like we'll be going in my dad's eight-year-old minivan." "And that's fine with me," Beth laughed. It really was fine with her long as she and Jeff and all their friends had the chance to get dressed up, have fun and go to prom. "Did you buy the tickets?" "Yeah. We're sitting with the baseball team group, but we're right next to your crew, too." "Great!" Jeff's phone beeped and he glanced at it and chuckled. "What's that about?" Beth asked, wanting to be in on the joke. "Oh, nothing big. Simpson's been pissed off at this little fairy who got him an overnight suspension last week. He's trying to figure out how to pay him back. He's talking about pulling down his pants in the hallway to see if the kid's wearing panties." He laughed at that. Beth sat back and crossed her arms as she looked at Jeff coldly. "What?" He asked. "There's a kid struggling with his sexuality or gender and you and your prick friends want to embarrass him in front of the school?" Jeff gave a nervous laugh. "Well... yeah. Simpson got suspended, Beth. He has a right to..." She grabbed her coat and started to leave, but Jeff grabbed her arm and asked her to stay and talk. He was as confused as she was angry. "Listen, Jeff, I thought you were better than this," she hissed is an angry whisper. "What kind of an asshole gets off on bullying others for no reason...?" "Oh, there's a reason! Simpson got suspended..." "'Simpson got suspended.' Simpson's a Neanderthal moron and you know it. How would you like it if someone attacked you because you had different feelings about your sexuality or gender." "I have never had any questions about my sexuality or gender..." "Well, aren't you fucking lucky!" That last part came out a little louder than she'd intended. She looked about apologetically, but no one seemed to have heard. "Oh, come on, Beth, really... look at this picture that Simpson sent me of the kid at the diner yesterday morning." Jeff held up his phone to reveal a picture of Paul and his mother sitting in the booth at Louie's. You could see the backs of the heads of two girls as well. Beth shook her head and looked at him pitifully. "Ok, tough guy, I'm leaving. You stay here and keep looking that picture until you figure out why I'm pissed, ok? Then, when you're ready to apologize AND promise me that you will talk Simpson and your other friends out of whatever stupidity they're planning to subject this person to, then call me. Here's a hint as to where I'm going: I'll be at that fairy's house." She stood, leaving Jeff alone in the booth staring at the phone flummoxed. "Jeff... I really like you and I don't really want to breakup, but right now... well, I can't even look at you" And she stormed out of the restaurant. When Paul woke up at 11:30, his head was on someone's knee and his hair was being petted. He blinked his eyes and raised his upper body, sitting back expecting to see Lori sitting there, but, instead it was Beth and she didn't look good. He was suddenly very much awake. "Beth!? What's wrong?" His friend shook her head and wiped her eyes. "Nothing, really... Jeff and I had a pretty big fight and... I don't know.... I think we might have broken up..." "Oh, Beth, no... I'm so sorry." "It's just.... Well, I told him to call me when he was ready to apologize and....it's past noon and... he hasn't called... so..." "Oh, honey..." this time it was his turn to console Beth. He held her and she sobbed for a moment, but then tried to regain control of herself. "I'm fine... I'm fine..." she lied. "I shouldn't be here like this when you have so much to think about, but Lori's not home and my mom... well, she hates Jeff anyway, so..." She gave a sad chuckle regarding her mother, then she realized that she needed to deliver a message, "Your mom went out, by the way. She said that she'd be back around three this afternoon." Paul sat next to her, kissed her arm and laid his head on her shoulder as she rested her head on his. Their arms were interlocked. "Paulie, I'm sorry..." "Don't be, Beth. I'm sorry that you're in pain." They sat and talked for a while, but Beth never broached the reason for the argument. After nearly an hour, as the clock got close to 1:00, there was a knock on the back door. Paul got up to get it and saw Lori peeking in through the window. When she saw Paul, she opened the door and came in. "I didn't want to wake you, your mom said you were asleep. Is Beth here?" Beth emerged from the great room. "Yeah, I'm right here. Where have you been? I've been trying..." Behind Lori, Beth spotted Jeff with his head down. Beth just folded her arms and waited for him to speak, but there was nothing but silence for what seemed like forever. "Jeff?" Lori finally said, "don't you have something to say?" "Beth..." He sputtered. "I... umm... I talked to Simpson and the others and..." "...and what, Jeff? Did you eventually figure out why I was so pissed off at you?" "Yeah, I did and... well, sorry Rooney. I didn't know... you look good, by the way." It wasn't until Jeff spoke to him that Paul realized that he was still wearing just his emerald green nightie and a silky, sheer, matching robe. Suddenly, he felt very exposed and vulnerable. "Thanks, I guess," Paul mumbled. "What's this all about. Shouldn't you be apologizing to Beth, not me?" "Don't sweat it, Paulie," Beth waved him off, but Paul knew that she was stressed. When she wasn't stressed, she called him 'Rooney.' "Look, Jeff," Beth continued, "if you have nothing to say, then, maybe you should... just... go." "Beth, honey," Jeff stepped put from behind Lori. "Don't 'Beth, honey,' me, Jeff! I'm just fed up with the bull... Jeff? What happened to your face?" She hadn't seen his face before, he'd been standing behind Lori, but now she saw him clearly. He was red and bruised and swollen. "Oh... Nothing. I went to talk to Simpson and the guys and... Well, things got a little out of hand, I guess." "You guess!?" Beth's voice was raising in pitch and volume. She was very agitated. "You mean you got into a fight? Jeff, I didn't mean..." "Maybe," Lori spoke loudly and with authority, "we should all sit down, stop trying to talk over each other and actually discuss what happened, today. Paulie, I'm sorry. I know this is the last thing you need today, but do you mind if we take a few minutes to talk this out?" Paul shook his head and wrapped his skimpy robe tighter. "I'll get you some ice, Jeff. Your face is pretty swollen." When he returned to the table to join the others, Paul handed Jeff a zip-lock bag filled with ice and a dish cloth in which to wrap it. He sat between Lori and Beth and watched sympathetically as Jeff winced when the ice touched the swellings. "Beth.." he began slowly, "I'm sorry. I guess I wasn't thinking clearly this morning. I was just going along with the guys, you know?" Beth nodded, but waited for an explanation. "And Rooney, man, I really didn't know that it was you in the picture. I mean, I know that you and my girl are tight, so I wouldn't have joined in if I'd known it was you?" Paul looked to everyone. "What picture?" Jeff looked at Beth. "You didn't tell him." She glared at him. "Tell me what?" Slowly, Beth turned her attention from Jeff to Paul. "Yeah, Paulie, see... Jeff showed me a picture this morning. That piece of crap, Ken Simpson, you know - the one who bumped into you in the hall - Well... he got pissed because he got an overnight suspension. I guess he was at Louie's yesterday morning and he saw you, you know, all done up and he took a picture of you." Paul nodded. He understood this much. "Why did he take my picture, though?" Beth turned back to her boyfriend. "Jeff...?" "Yeah, so, Rooney, Simpson wanted the guys on the team - me included - help him get you alone so he could... you know... get even with you." "Get even!? But, I didn't do anything! He bumped me and called me a faggot. Mr Cooper heard him. I didn't do anything!" "I know, baby," Lori rubbed his arm, "but Simpson's too stupid to understand that." "So, What...?" Paul was getting very scared, "I'm going to get jumped tomorrow?" Suddenly, Paul thought of what Mr Mwangi had said in his office. 'If you present yourself as a woman, then you're vulnerable as a woman.' Oh, God! Getting beaten up might only be the beginning. What if they...? He looked to Lori, fear written across his face."Oh, my God! What am I going to do!?" "It's ok, Rooney," Jeff said, "let me finish." "When I realized it was you in the picture, I figured out that the two women sitting opposite you were Beth and Lori." He looked at Beth. "I'm sorry, babe. I felt like such an asshole and I wanted to show you how sorry I was, so I went to the basketball courts at the middle school to confront Simpson. He was playing with Walters and Hansen, so, as you can imagine, things went pretty bad pretty quickly. They got some pretty good punches in before Lori pulled up." "I was driving over here and I saw them kicking the crap out of Jeff." Beth's demeanor had softened considerably. "What could you do?" she asked Lori. Jeff chortled. "She drove right onto the courts and got out of the car swinging a folded up umbrella. I jumped in her car." "And you came here?" Beth asked. "No," Lori said. "First we stopped at Mr Cooper's house and showed him the texts and Jeff's face. Long and the short of it, Simpson, Walters and Hansen are all suspended and they're going to have Simpson expelled because of his history of violence." "And, Mr Cooper called the police," Jeff added. "Lori and I gave statements, so they've probably already been arrested for assault." There was silence around the table. "I'm sorry, Beth," Jeff said. Finally, Beth took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Well, I guess you've more than made up for it at this point." She unfolded her arms and stood. "Come on. Let's take a walk and talk." Jeff nodded and stood, taking his girlfriend's hand as they stepped out, onto the porch to take a walk. "I called in late to work," Jeff said, "but I really have to get there pretty soon." Lori looked at Paul. No makeup, hair a little messy, emerald green robe and nightie in the middle of the day and he was still more attractive to her than she could ever explain. She reached over and gripped his hand in hers. "You ok?" "Sure... I guess..." "You look pretty." "I look a mess," he giggled. "I think you're beautiful." She smiled and squeezed his hand in hers. "Have you made a decision?" "I've made lots of decisions, but I can't decide on which decision is best." She smiled at him. "You'll figure it out, Paulie." He breathed deeply and leaned back in his chair, his prosthetic breasts bouncing with his motion. "Seriously, without trying to be gentle with me or anything like that, if I asked you to make the decision for me, what would you choose?" Now, Lori sat back and looked away, thinking for a few moments. "Paulie, I love you, no matter what, but I can't deny that I find you beautiful when you look girly. I don't know why, but looking at you in a dress... it just blows me away!" Paul nodded. "And, if I never wore a dress again? If I got a boy's haircut? Then what?" "Then, I'd still love you just as much and I'd have a great memory of when you were my girl." Again, he nodded. "So...?" She asked. "So... I still don't know for sure, but I need to get dressed. I'd like to go out for a couple hours. Is that ok?" "Sure. Where would you like to go?" He got up and headed towards the door for the dining room. "I'd like to go and sit on the beach for a while." Lori called after him. "It's a little chilly to swim." "I just need to think." They'd walked along the shoreline for nearly an hour. Paul asked Lori dozens of questions to try to figure out what to decide, but Lori kept seeing a little angel, that looked like Beth, sitting on her shoulder telling her not to put pressure on him. So, her answers were always unsatisfying to Paul. As they walked, Paul's little, white, casual summer dress blew and inflated around his legs, the soft material dancing playfully around his smooth legs. The top of the dress fitted him like a pair of farmer's coveralls, then burst out into a fun skirt at the waist. It was definitely young in its appearance, having come from twelve year old Samantha's closet, and he'd picked it specifically because he felt like he needed to be taken care of today. It felt wonderful, freeing, gentle and feminine. If he chose to give all of this up, the things he'd miss the most would be the wonderful, exposed feeling that he felt in a soft skirt. It made him feel so... nice. At 2:30, they headed to The Dairy Bar to meet Beth and the girls from school. It may be the last time that they could see their little friend, Paul, in this, his girl-mode persona. Lori went to get a couple of cones, while Paul sat at the picnic table outside with Mary and a few of the other girls. He was surprised to see that Melissa, from his chorus class, had joined the other girls. "Today's the day, huh, Paulie?" Mary asked. He nodded and smirked. "Paulie," Melissa asked, "why is it so important that you make this decision right now? Why not just feel your way through it and transition slowly? My cousin toyed with being a woman for a long time before committing to it all - you know, the surgery for breast implants and his castration and the removal of his penis..." Paul shivered and grimaced. "Oh, don't even mention that!" "Well, Paulie," she pointed out, "if you become a woman, then someone's going to have to discuss it with you at some point..." He shrugged and nodded. He really liked his penis. He didn't want to lose that. "So what do you think it'll be, Paulie," Mary asked. "Are you planning to be a 'pointer' or a 'setter?' He sighed, again. Why did everyone need to be so graphic about this? It wasn't a joke for him. He needed to figure this out and soon. Lori returned with a sundae for her and a scoop of lemon sherbet for Paul. "I wanted chocolate," he said. "You're wearing white, baby. Girls who wear white don't eat chocolate ice cream." That was fine. He liked lemon sherbet, too. The girls all gushed over Paul when Lori showed them the pictures she had on her phone from the previous day. "My God, Paulie, you're gorgeous." "You look just like your grandmother!" "Oh, how precious, the two of you together..." "Lori, you'd better be careful. He's putting you to shame! Look at that makeup. Oh, my goodness." "Look at that dress, Paulie! You're wearing that to prom, aren't you." He loved every second of it, even though he found it confusing to think straight while they chatted. Just before they left, Beth got a call from Jeff and she stepped outside to talk to him. A moment later, Paul was at her side and he asked if he could speak to Jeff for just a moment. Beth handed Paul the phone, a bit surprised by the request. "Umm... I guess that I just want to say 'thank you,' Jeff, for sticking up for me. I'm sorry that you got hurt." Jeff chortled at that. "I'm not really hurt - well, my pride is hurt, but that's about it. Just so you know, Rooney, I'm cool with whatever you're doing, but I didn't do what I did for you. I did it for Beth." "I understand," Paul nodded, "but, thanks, anyway." Lori took the long way home, wanting so badly to beg him to stay this way, but knowing that it was wrong to do so. They listened to music and looked at the ocean until Paul asked, "Lori, have you ever wanted to be a guy?" It was a question that she'd considered a few times, but she answered honestly, "No. Not really. I love being a girl. Why." "Why?" That seemed like an absurd question to Paul under the circumstances. "Because I'm considering being a girl and I'm scared." "Listen, baby. I love everything about being a girl and I love everything about you. Being able to share WHAT I love with WHO I love has been a wonderful gift. Having said that, if a girl wears pants, no one cares. If a girl wears a suit coat or a tux, no one cares. I know girls - pretty girls - who HATE makeup. If there are girls who don't like to dress like girls, then it shouldn't be a surprise that some boys don't want to dress like boys, right?" He nodded in agreement. It made sense. "We've never really been a 'normal' couple, baby. I'm taller than you. I'm older than you. I drive everywhere and you don't have a license. I take you out, not the other way around. I have no desire to be a man, but I'm already, kind of, 'the guy' in our relationship. And, that's just fine with me." It was all true and Paul acknowledged that it was a pretty good arrangement for him. When they arrived at Paul's house, Keith's car was already in the driveway, parked behind Rose's. Paul glanced at the clock on the dashboard and took a deep breath. It was nearly 5:00. Time for dinner with the family followed by what promised to be the most awkward and scary family-meeting of his young life. "There they are!" Lilly shouted as they entered. "We we're afraid that you two were going to stand us up." "I told you that they'd be here," Keith smiled and kissed his younger brother's cheek. "Nervous?" He whispered. Paul nodded. "Don't be. We're here for you." He nodded again. "There's my youngest grand-baby!" Rose clapped her hands as she and Abby emerged from the great room. "I'm going to steal your baby away from you. Lori." She stood behind Paul, her hands on his slender shoulders as she guided him towards the dinning room and beyond. "I have a surprise for you, Paulie." "What's that all about?" Lori asked Lilly. "Just a grandmother wanting to spend one last evening with her granddaughter." Lilly's smile indicated that something was definitely up. Rose guided Paul up the stairs and into his mother's bedroom, where, on the bed, he saw a beautiful, white slip laid out on her bed. It had a fitted and lace covered bodice with a slim skirt and a slit on the side. "What's this?" Paul asked. "This," Lilly smiled as she rubbed the small of Paul's back, "may well be my last night with my granddaughter and I'd like to share something very special with her." Paul looked from the silky smooth garment to his grandmother and back. "You want me to wear a slip to dinner?" "Yes. And something else." "What?" Rose smiled. "You'll see. For now, let's start with the slip. Are you all tucked away down there?" She pointed to his groin. He nodded. "Then let's get started. I'll help you to take this off." She unbuttoned the straps of his over-all style dress. "This is cute. Where did you get this." "Lori's little sister, Samantha. I got a bunch of hand me downs from both of her little sisters." "And how old is Samantha?" "Twelve. Why?" Rose smiled as she helped him step out of the dress. "I was just curious. You look very cute in it," she lowered the slip over his head, "but, for what I have for you, you will want to look beautiful. Come sit at the vanity for a moment." He complied and she began the process of making up his face. She spoke as she worked." "When I was a girl, about your age, and I was just becoming a woman, there was an actress who I adored and I wanted, more than anything, to look like her. Her name was Audrey Hepburn. Have you heard of her? Paul thought for a moment, then said, "I think so. Yes. In theater class, we watched her in 'Philadelphia Story' when we read the play." Rose shook her head. "No, dear. That was Katherine Hepburn. Audrey came along a little later than Katherine, and when I was about fifteen, she was in a movie called 'Breakfast at Tiffany's.' Have you seen it?" He shook his head. "Oh, it was SO romantic. She was an escort, he was a writer... Anyway, she wore this dress - black, with thin straps, plunging neckline, tight in the hips, a slit that came all the way up to here and a short train that dragged behind her. Oh! I thought that she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen and I wanted to get a dress like that so that I could look just like her!" "Of course, my father forbade that. 'Rosie, she was supposed to be a whore, for crying out loud!' he said when I asked him about it." She began to brush his hair. "After a few arguments, my mom let me get my hair cut like Audry's - just like yours is cut now - and, eventually, I found a dress that was similar to the one in the movie. It wasn't as long and didn't have a slit, but it was pure silk and the top was cut the same and I just loved that dress. I wore it to special occasions for years. It was my first little black dress and I adored it. I would wear it to dinners and cocktail parties," she placed a rhinestone covered, decorative hair-comb into the front of his hair, just behind his bangs, "and other than my wedding dress and the one you wore yesterday, my Audrey-dress is the only other one that I ever saved." She helped him to stand and she smiled at him. He looked adorable. He looked just like she once had. She fussed with his hair a bit more while she went one, "You know, Paulie, from the first moment I saw you at the hospital, the day you were born, curled up in a blanket, your mommy cuddling you... I knew that you were my special baby. I saw those beautiful eyes of yours and my heart just melted. When people said that you looked like me, well, Paulie, I can't explain how proud that made me." She kissed his cheek and primped him just a bit more to get everything just right before the dress was revealed. "You are my very special boy, Paulie. Or, you are my very special girl. I really don't care, but, while you are still open to wearing pretty things," she opened the closet door, revealing a slender, black dress hanging from a hook on the interior of the door, "I'd like you to share this dress with me." Paul's breath caught midway through an inhale. "Grandma..." She removed it from the hanger and put one arm through the shoulder straps while supporting the skirt with her other arm. "I know. It's beautiful, isn't it?" Paul nodded as he fingered the material of the dress. It felt different than the other 'silky' clothing he'd worn. It was actual silk. It felt natural. It looked and felt - right." "Do you like it?" He nodded, a bit mesmerized with anticipation. She released the zipper hidden in the side of the dress, then held it low so he could step into it. "This style isn't the easiest to get into," she chortled as she assisted him, "but it's worth it, Paulie." She was right. It was actually difficult to get his arms into the sleeveless openings and maneuver the dress onto his shoulders. "There. I knew that it would fit." Rose's smile was warm, appreciative and maternal. Paul smiled in return. "Hold your arm up, sweet pea, so that I can pull up the zipper." The dress pulled tight around him as the zipper was pulled to his arm pit. 'What an awkward place to put a zipper,' Paul thought, but as he glanced at himself in the mirror, the effect of having actually been sewn into the dress was breathtaking. The slender straps on his shoulders led to scoops in the neckline and the backline, showing lots of creamy white, shoulder, back and chest, with just a hint of cleavage to make the top seductive to both men and women. The bodice hugged him and the skirt continued that hug down past his hips, over his thighs and ended just below his knees. Rose had him sit, again, and she knelt in front of him to help him put on a pair of black, patten-leather, peep-toed pumps with a three inch heel and a delicate strap around the ankle. She secured him into the shoes and helped him to stand. Now, she positioned him by the door to the hallway so that he could see himself in them mirror which hung on the interior of the door. Then she sat, removed her sensible shoes and put on a pair of heels of her own. 'Grandma," he whispered as he turned to see how beautifully the skirt hugged his bottom, "it's beautiful." She watched her grandson and she relished every second that he enjoyed his femininity. She stood and looked over his shoulder and spoke to his reflection. "Paulie, every child or grandchild is special to a woman, you'll learn that in time, with your own children and grandchildren, I'm sure, but if you're lucky you'll have one special baby who just connects with you differently. I love Keith and your cousins, Paulie, you know that I do, but I have always seen the little girl that I once was in you - every single day of your life and now I see that girl becoming a woman - or perhaps a man - but, Paulie, always remember that I am part of you and you are part of me. I feel your hand print on my heart, baby, and I hope that you feel mine." "Oh, grandma," he fought back the tears that wanted to flow, "I love you, so much." He hugged her and felt her body. It was the same as his. The same height, the same width. She was right. They were made of each other. "Grandma? What should I do." "You should take very small steps, baby, because, unlike Audrey's dress, this one has no slit, so there's an art to moving in it. That style is called a pencil skirt. It's a little challenging. You'll catch on, though." "No... I mean... should I be a boy or a girl?" She smiled, "Oh, my sweet, sweet child. You should be Paulie and only you know who Paulie should be." He nodded, touched and a bit unsatisfied by the response. "Now, we need to get downstairs to dinner with our family, Paulie. You and Lori, Keith and Abby and your mommy and me. Our family. We all love you, Paulie, and we're all here to help you become whoever you want to be." He nodded as he prepared himself. "Ok. I'm ready." "You certainly are, Paulie. You certainly are.? ?Oh, Paulie, that dress is stunning, just stunning!? Lilly gushed as he entered the kitchen. Paul?s steps were hobbled by the narrow skirt, making his steps somewhat mincing and old fashioned. ?Wow, babe,? Lori beamed at the sexy silhouette her boyfriend presented. His grandmother had been right about his hips and rear end. ?Wow!? He smiled at the attention as Keith pulled out a chair at the table for him. ?M?lady,? he said with great affectation as Paul, with a little difficulty, lowered his rump into the chair. After Keith scooted his chair in for him, Paul shifted from side to side, just a bit, to free enough material in the sleek skirt to allow him to cross his silky smooth legs at the knees. ?Thank you,? he smiled at Keith, who, by then was assisting his grandmother in the same way. As Keith started to take his own seat, Abby let out an exaggerated, ?Ahem.? The big man paused. ?What?? ?Aren?t you going to hold my chair for me?? ?Why?? ?Well you held your grandmother?s and your brother?s. Don?t I deserve the same treatment?? Keith sat. ?My grandmother is my grandmother and my brother is wearing a pencil skirted dress for the first time. You?re wearing jeans. I think you can handle this.? He flashed his charming smile to indicate that he was toying with her, but her eyes were opened wide with irritation. ?Let me assist you, madam,? Lori, who had been moving food to the table with Lilly, pulled out Abby?s chair and spoke in a low, mockingly manly voice. Abby sat and allowed Lori to move the chair forward for her. ?Thank you, Lori. At least you?re a gentleman.? She rolled her eyes at Keith, then looked at Paul, who was sitting bolt upright with his princess posture, and said, ?They can be such uncouth beasts, can?t they? You?ve got a good one, Paulie.? They all tore into the roasted chicken dinner that Lilly and Rose had prepared for the family. It was one of Paul?s favorite meals, but he only nibbled at it; partially because of his nerves, but mostly because of the dress. It was not uncomfortably tight, but it was noticeably snug in all the right places, so it made him very aware of his intake, but he was also petrified of dripping a bit of food or gravy on the material. Lilly noticed his cautious demeanor and looked to her mother who had noticed as well. They smiled at his behavior. He was being such a good young lady. Just as the plates were being cleared, Beth knocked on the door and was invited in. ?Geez, Rooney,? she teased, ?Are we dressing for dinner, now?? Paul had a napkin in his lap, which he raised to dab the corners of his mouth theatrically. Then in a posh English accent, he said ?Yes, old thing, from now on, we shall be dressing for each meal. I?ve instructed the staff to have our clothing ironed and laid out for us each morning and evening. It?s time that we raised the tone of this establishment, a bit.? They all laughed at his brief performance. ?Beth, honey,? Lilly said as she moved some dishes from the table to the sink, ?grab a chair from the dinning room and join us for dessert.? ?Thanks, Mrs Rooney. I?ll grab a chair, but no dessert for me. I just ate. I?m really just here to hear Paulie?s decision. I hope you don?t mind.? ?Of course not, dear,? Rose said. ?You?re just as much a part of Paulie?s family as any of us.? Beth placed a chair between Paul and Keith and sat. ?I haven?t missed the big moment, have I?? ?No,? Lori smiled. ?Paulie is making us wait till after dessert.? Beth looked at Paul and gave him a sad, supportive smile. She sensed that he was feeling more and more pressure as clocked ticked closer to his announcement. Unexpectedly, Paul shifted in his seat and uncrossed his legs. ?Beth, could you help me with my chair.? She stood and pulled the chair back, allowing Paul to stand with a little support from the table. ?I hope you?ll all excuse me from dessert,? he said. ?Honestly, I?d be afraid to eat anything sticky in this gorgeous dress.? They all chuckled a bit at that. ?Grandma, thank you so, so much for sharing this dress with me, but I think I need to put on something a little less... formal so that I can think clearly when we all sit down for our meeting.? ?I?ll help you...? Rose started, but Paul interrupted. ?No, that?s ok, grandma. You have dessert. Beth, you?ll help me change, won?t you?? ?Sure, Rooney.? She replied quietly. Her sad, supportive smile faltering a bit. The two friends headed into the dinning room and towards the stairs, but Paul stopped at the full length mirror to admire the ancient dress and how well it fit him. It was beautiful and he was beautiful in it. He stared for a long, long moment before Beth interrupted. ?You, ok, Rooney?? He let out a wistful sigh. ?I?m fine. It?s just...? Beth rubbed his back through the silky material of the dress and slip. ?... I don?t know. It just doesn?t seem fair...? Everyone at the kitchen table heard that and felt sadness for the little boy in the grown up dress. ?I know, Paulie.? She remained with him as he stared longer. ?Come on, Paulie. We?ve got to go upstairs.? He nodded and walked upstairs with her. ?Wow,? Kieth said quietly. ?Looks like he?s giving dresses, huh?? ?Yeah,? Lori whispered sullenly. ?Oh, I don?t know,? Rose smiled, ?I?ve never seen a boy look that happy in a dress before.? ?Well, honestly,? Abby suggested, ?wouldn?t it be easier for him if just wore boy?s clothes.? ?It would be if he felt like he was a boy,? Rose replied. Lilly put the fresh baked apple pie on the table, sat and dabbed her eyes. ?Oh, God, I should never have pushed him to do this. I?ve put him in such a terrible position.? ?Mom,? Keith consoled her, ?Paulie never would have gone along with this if he didn?t want to.? Lilly shook her head and chuckled. ?No, YOU wouldn?t have gone along with it, but Paulie... he?d do whatever I asked.? ?Well, I?ll tell you one thing,? Keith said. ?If I?d known that you?d let me take pretty girls up to my room to dress and undress me, I would have put on a dress in a heartbeat.? They all let out a tired chuckle. ?Honestly,? Lori said, ?I don?t think that Beth even thinks of him as a boy, anymore.? ?You?re right,? Lilly agreed. ?They?re much more like cousins or sisters than friends.? ?She?s good for him,? Keith smiled. ?She?s a much better sister than I ever was as a brother.? ?Oh, stop it,? Rose slapped her grandson?s shoulder. ?That boy worships you and you know it.? ?And he?s thrilled to have you back,? Lilly agreed. ?Just... never go away, again. Ok?? He smiled his handsome, warm smile. ?Ok, mom. I promise.? Abby smiled at that. Then she looked at Lori. ?How about you, Lori? Are you hoping for skirts or slacks?? She shrugged. ?I?m with Mrs Rooney. I kinda hate myself right now. I put so much pressure on him...? she stopped to wipe a few tears. ?... I just want Paulie to be happy. I?m such an asshole for doing this to him.? ?Oh, honey,? Lilly reached for the younger woman?s hand. ?It?s my fault. I?m sorry.? ?You know,? Keith pointed out, ?we might all be taking the blame for nothing. I wouldn?t be surprised if he decides to go girly the whole way ? hormones, surgery, everything. He?s awfully good at being a girl.? Lori considered that. Paul being an actual female. No balls. No penis. It shocked her and her tears rolled now, ?Really? Like ?the whole way.? I don?t want to lose him! I?m such an idiot!? Lilly moved to sit next to Lori and held her. ?Ok, ok. Let?s just wait and see what happens? ?He just looked so pretty. I really liked him looking like that. I shouldn?t have... God! I?m so stupid!? Lilly consoled her while the others discussed Paul?s options. When they reached Paul?s bedroom, he sat on the bed, shook his head and sat, looking at a spot where the wall met the ceiling for a long, long time. ?Scared?? Beth asked. He nodded. ?Of what everyone will say?? He shook his head from side to side. ?Of making the wrong decision.? ?Then, you?ve made a decision?? He shrugged and turned his focus to his grandmother?s little black dress. ?It?s pretty, isn?t it.? Now, Beth nodded. ?Help me take it off, please.? It was nearly a half-hour later when Beth stepped back into the kitchen. She gave the others a tight smile, a shrug and she raised her eyebrows as high as she could before sitting in her chair. No one spoke. They just waited for Paul. Moments later Paul entered wearing deep blue, summer dress with large roses printed on it. It was sleeveless, with a scooped neck and a stretchy top that ended with a tiny, white belt before the skirt flared out, then ended high on his thigh. It was light and breezy and cute and young and Lori recognized it as one of Meredith?s hand me downs. He had a matching hair-band in his hair and his makeup had been redone to match the dress ? nothing elegant, but very ?girl next door? in its freshness. Everyone except Beth stared breathlessly as he sat. ?Ok...? he took a deep breath and made eye contact with each person as he spoke. He started with his future sister in law ?Abby, I know about and I appreciate your concerns. You?re right, it would be easier if I could just be a boy. The problem is... I can?t.? Slowly, he turned his attention to his friend. ?Beth, you know how much your friendship means to me. If nothing else comes of me being a girl for the past couple of weeks, at least I realized how wonderful you are.? Beth brought back her tight smile and nodded. ?Grandma,? he looked into the older woman?s soft, loving eyes, ?I was so scared of how you?d react when you heard about me dressing like this, but you have been,? he paused to swallow the tears that were welling up in him as he looked at this wonderful woman, ?so... wonderful and supportive... thank you, grandma. Thank you, so, so much.? She returned his words with a soft, loving smile. ?Keith,? Paul took his bother?s hand as he spoke. It was a little hard to make eye contact as he said these things, but he forced himself to do so. ?I?m so happy to have you back. I missed you so much. Thank you for being there for me this week. I could not imagine doing everything I?ve done in the last few days without your support.? Keith kissed his brother?s hand and smiled. Lilly was next and the tears that had gathered in her eyes made it hard for Paul to maintain his own composure. ?Mommy, I admire you, so much. You became my mom and dad after Dad died. You?re so strong and so sweet... I?ve always wanted to live up to your example and I really don?t want to let you down ? ever. I just want to make you proud.? ?I?ve always been proud of you, honey,? she kissed his forehead. ?And Lori,? he gazed at the woman he loved with all of his heart. ?I love you so, so much. I can?t imagine going a single day without being with you. More than anything, I want to make you happy. I want to be with you and care for you... I want you to know how much you mean to me, but I don?t really know how to say everything that needs to be said. So, I?ll just say it again ? I love you.? He sat back and took another breath. ?Now, having said all of that,? he looked at each person in the room before dropping the bombshell on them, ?I don?t want to be a girl anymore.? That caught everyone by surprise. They all shifted in their chairs and looked about at each other. When Paul had come down dressed as he was... ?And I don?t want to be a boy, either.? Now, there was just stunned silence. ?But, Paulie, there aren?t a lot of other choices, you know,? Rose said, gently. ?I know, grandma, but I don?t just want to be a boy or a girl. I just want to be me ? Paulie. I can?t imagine ever becoming something other than just me. I want to be Paulie Rooney. Not ?Paul? Rooney and not ?Polly? Rooney with an ?o? like a girl would write it. I just want to be Paulie. I want to be pretty. I want to wear pretty clothes and makeup. I?ve discovered that that is who I am. A boy who needs to present himself as a girl.? ?So no surgery or anything?? Keith asked. ?No surgery to remove anything, anyway,? Paul said uncomfortably, ?but I?d like to look into, maybe, adding a couple of things either through surgery or hormones.? Lori couldn?t help but smile just a bit at this. It looked like she might actually get the best of both worlds ? a lover with breasts and a penis. ?So...? Paul was waiting for someone to say something ? anything ? but everyone seemed lost in their own thoughts. ?... is this something that everyone can live with?? ?I think it?s awesome, Rooney,? Beth said as she kissed his cheek. ?I think you?re awesome.? Lori hugged him tightly and kissed him, too. ?I?m very happy for you, baby. I think you?re going to be very happy.? Abby shook her head and sighed. ?You know that you are choosing the hardest road possible, Paulie. I?ll support you any way that I can, but you?re setting out on a long hard journey.? ?I know.? ?Ok.? She smiled sadly and hugged him, too. ?I don?t know, Paulie,? Keith?s smile was warm and supportive, ?after seeing you as a girl, I couldn?t imagine you ever going back to being a boy. I think you?re doing the right thing, but do you want me to call you my brother or my sister?? ?I don?t care, Keith. As long as you?re my brother, that?s all that matters.? ?Come here,? Keith stood and held his arms wide. Paul rose and hustled to his brother, embracing him and receiving a huge, masculine hug in return that lifted him off the floor and spun him around, three hundred and sixty degrees, before landing him back on the floor. ?I love you,? they said in unison. When he was released, he looked at his grandmother. ?Are you ok with this, grandma?? She stood and hugged him, now, playing with his hair as she held him close. ?Of course, I?m ok with this, Paulie. You?re my grand-baby and you always will be, honey. I agree with Keith. There was no doubt in my mind that I?d be buying you pretty things for Christmas from now on.? When they separated, Rose paused and fingered the blue pendent that hung from Paul?s neck. ?Everything I ever loved ? those dresses, this bauble, this house ? all of it ? it?s all nothing, Paulie. Your mommy, your auntie, your cousins, Keith and you... you?re all that really matter to me. You are my true loves. If you?re happy, sweet pea, then I?m happy, too.? ?Thank you, grandma.? Finally, he turned to his mother who had tears in her eyes. ?Oh, Paulie, Paulie, Paulie... my sweet little boy. I love you so much, baby. I hope that you?ll be happy.? ?I am happy, mommy.? He hugged her and they both cried tears of joy. ?Thank you for introducing me to all this. I love you.? She released him and kissed him, first on the forehead, then on the left cheek, then on the right. ?I love you, too, honey, and I always will.? Paul stood back, smiling and daintily wiping tears from his eyes, ?Thank you, everyone.? He chuckled a bit. ?I guess that I look a mess, now, after all this crying.? ?You?ve never looked more beautiful, pumpkin,? Lori said. ?Oh, no!? suddenly, Lilly?s face was filled with worry. Rose was alarmed by her daughter. ?What?s the matter, Lilly? Are you ok?? ?No! I?m not!? Lilly?s expression changed from worry to surprise. ?It just occurred to me. This means I have to make another dress for the wedding!? Paul laughed. ?I?ll just buy a dress, mommy.? ?Like hell you will!? She teased. ?I?m not going to have my daughter wearing something off the rack while my nieces are wearing dresses that I made!? They all laughed. ?Oh!? Lilly called out, again, ?and then there?s prom! I?ll need to make you something for that, too!? ?Oh, don?t be silly,? Rose said. ?He can wear my white debutante dress to prom. He looks beautiful in it.? ?Mom,? Lilly scoffed, ?I?ve waited all my life to have a little girl to sew for. If you think I?m going to let him go to prom without making his gown, you obviously don?t know me very well.? The good natured arguing began amongst the five women and the volume in the room grew to a frightening din. Keith walked over to his brother, put his arm around his waist and led him towards the door. ?Come on, princess. Let?s go get an ice cream to celebrate. I don?t think you?ve been a girl long enough to handle all of this stuff.? Paul smiled. ?Thanks.?